A/n: Thank you Dempeo4ever81 , Flowerchildtrm and BiPrincess23 for your supportive reviews. They make me wanna keep writing. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter.
Donald Cragen's home , May 24th, 6:30 AM.
Olivia started to wake slightly as her head was comfortably nuzzled into Elliot's chest and she started to look around as she smiled seeing that Elliot was sleeping peacefully.
He needs the rest he's ran himself ragged the passed couple days, she thought to herself as when she rolled over slightly a bout of nausea ran through her along with sharp pain all over her body as she quickly covered her mouth to silence the gasp as she laid still for a few minutes keeping her tremors at bay.
About ten minutes later it eased up a little okay I need to get up, she thought to herself as she carefully eased herself out of Elliot's grasp and he let her, being used to her moving out of his arms early when she was called into work as his subconscious wasn't recognizing the difference.
Olivia smiled slightly as she kissed his cheek like she would on a normal morning then eased out of the bed as she walked on shaky legs over to the nightstand as she grabbed the burn cream and uncapped it with major effort as she managed to get a small amount on the burn she had been hiding from him.
Not nearly enough went onto it but that's just gonna have to do for now, she thought to herself as she quietly recapped it then laid the tube back on the table where he had put it as she crept out of the bedroom just as a bout of dizziness and nausea washed over her again as she made a beeline to the guest bathroom and threw up into the toilet.
She finished in there after about 10 minutes as she washed her face the best she could one handed but wasn't all that successful as she still had a little vomit in her hair when she stepped into the living room "c-captain may I?" she asked pointing at the couch as she was surprised to see him already up drinking coffee and reading the paper.
Cragen nodded "of course Olivia make yourself at home. Are you okay?"
She nodded slightly "yeah I'm fine just a bit nauseous, it's probably heroine withdrawals," she said as she sat down just as another tremor went through her body.
He nodded slightly "does Elliot know your sick?"
She shook her head slightly "he was sleeping so good I didn't wanna wake him."
Cragen nodded and sat his coffee down as he stood up "I'm gonna go get him he'd wanna know your sick. He'd wanna be here for you through this."
Olivia shook her head slightly "Captain please don't bother him he needs the sleep.."
He sighed "alright Olivia alright but when he gets mad at me I'm telling him it was your idea," he said as he cringed when he saw her face contort in pain again and another tremor go through her body "will you at least let me go to the pharmacy and pick up your pain meds? We forgot to do that last night."
She nodded I would let you captain but there's 1 problem."
Cragen faced her "what's that?"
She sighed "the prescriptions are in Elliot's wallet."
He nodded "then that means I'll have to wake him then doesn't it," he said with a small smile as he headed towards the guest room as Olivia slightly sighed and hung her head, hating that he was getting woken up unnaturally yet again.
Ahh I know what I can do, she thought to herself after a minute as she stood up from the couch and headed into the kitchen with determination in her eyes.
"Elliot, Elliot," Cragen said as he shook his shoulder.
"Mmmm," he groaned as he immediately felt around for Olivia "where's Liv?"
Cragen sighed "that's why I'm waking you she's going through heroine withdrawals, I told her I'd pick up her medicine for her but she said the prescriptions were in your wallet so I was hoping I could get them?"
Elliot nodded "of course," he said as he quickly grabbed them from it and handed them to him "how long has she been up? I didn't even notice her move."
He sighed "my guess about 20 minutes or so I heard her throwing up in the bathroom then she came out and sat on the couch, she said you were sleeping really good and that she didn't wanna wake you."
He sighed heavily "that's Liv for us, I honestly thought she would have accepted help from me a little easier after this."
Cragen sighed "she will in time Elliot just stay patient with her and give her time to adjust, Olivia is a strong woman and she's not used to asking for help from anyone."
Elliot nodded "that's my plan captain and I know this is hard for her... I know that more than anyone it just hurts my heart that she's suffering and you were the one to have to tell me."
He nodded "I get that Elliot trust me I do," he said as he heard his doorbell ring "I better go get that, it's chief Muldrew, he called me on my cell, said he needed to see me about some important business."
Elliot nodded "alright I'll get Liv to come back in here while you fellows talk shop," he said as they both sighed slightly when they heard talking.
"Good morning detective Benson I didn't expect to see you here, every one at 1pp is thrilled that your okay."
Olivia slightly smiled "that means a lot chief, and yeah I didn't expect to be here either but my house is a crime scene and captain offered so," she said as she struggled to mix a cream and sugar into a coffee one handed.
"You need a hand with that?" Muldrew asked as Cragen and Stabler rushed into the kitchen "good morning chief," Cragen said.
"Honey honey whatcha doing?" Stabler asked.
"Trying to make your coffee, this is my third attempt," Olivia said with a small smile.
"Oh honey you didn't have to do that, I've got it from here but thank you baby cap said your not feeling well?"
She slightly shook her head as Elliot wrapped her gently in his arms "I'm sorry baby why didn't you wake me?"
She shook her head slightly "you looked so peaceful El I just couldn't," she said as after Cragen and Muldrew exchanged greetings Muldrew looked over at the couple "detective Stabler..? What are you doing here?"
Cragen chuckled "you must have missed the memo, those 2 are married," he said pointing at Olivia and Elliot.
"What? For how long.."
"Almost 3 years," Cragen said with a slight smile.
Muldrew sighed "please don't tell me they were together before he retired."
Cragen chuckled "they were how long have you guys been together again?" he asked Elliot.
Elliot smiled and kissed Olivia's head "we've been together for 8 years."
"Wow..." I guess I owe chief Perkins 500 bucks then he's always suspected you two. Can I ask how did you guys manage to not let it interfere with your work?"
Elliot sighed "if I'm telling you the truth it always did to some extent but all in all we were pretty good at compartmentalizing, we're gonna give you guys the room," he said as he finished mixing his coffee then guided Olivia to their temporary bedroom as another tremor went through her body and he attempted to get her comfortable.
"What's going on chief? I was gonna go in to the office later I have to drive Olivia and Elliot in to give their statements anyway," he said as he watched him lay a box of donuts on the bar.
Muldrew sighed "I know that Don but I wanted to make you aware of the changes you'd find once you arrive."
Cragen nodded "okay," he said listening as he took a donut out of the box.
He sighed "as you already know detectives Amaro and Tutuola were suspended for 2 weeks by IAB for reasons that I'm unaware of and we have no idea how long detective Benson, or does she go by Stabler now? Will need to recover so I've assigned a new detective to your precinct to pick up the slack."
He sighed slightly "for the record chief I strongly disagreed with the suspensions and I made that very clear to lieutenant Tucker, not that he cared what I thought. As for Olivia it's on her file as Benson-Stabler so I'm sure she would answer to either in a professional setting. As for her recovery time I have her down for 2 months but before this even happened she applied for a months worth of furlough. He sighed slightly there are times like when I was watching her persevere to make Elliot's coffee a few minutes ago one handed that I think she'll be back with in those two months... But then there are other moments like when she responded to the sight of my handcuffs with fear that I don't think she'll ever be able to do the job again."
Muldrew nodded sympathetically "the last thing I want you to do is to rush that poor woman back into working Don but like I said that's why I had to bring in a new detective. His name is Dominic Carisi and I think he'll be a good fit for your team."
Cragen nodded "that's good to know I'll partner him with Munch until Fin's suspension is up then he'll probably be partnered with him."
Muldrew nodded "captain I had a thought and since your close with Elliot Stabler maybe you could make it come to be?"
Cragen nodded "what's that?"
Muldrew took another donut out of the box then turned to face him "he was officially cleared of all wrong doing in the shooting of that young girl so do you think you might could convince him to come out of retirement and help train the newbies?"
Cragen shook his head with a small chuckle "I highly doubt it chief it was like pulling teeth to get him to leave Olivia's side for long enough to return his rental car so I really don't think he'll leave her from anywhere between 8 and 12 hours a day to do that."
Muldrew nodded and sighed slightly "well it was a thought, I'll help you out however I can until I retire in a month, chief William Dodds is lined up to take my place."
Cragen nodded "I appreciate that really and thank you for the heads up about your replacement, I don't have that much longer until I hit mandatory retirement either, it's been a hell of a ride but I can't wait to travel the world with Eileen."
Muldrew nodded "I bet Don, I'm gonna head on in to the office like I said I just didn't want you blindsided when you went in today," he said as he frowned when he heard Olivia vomiting.
Cragen nodded "sounds good chief, you can take the donuts with you I doubt Elliot will eat 1 since Olivia can't, she's got heroine withdrawals."
Muldrew frowned slightly, a look of judgement in his eyes as Cragen shook his head "it's not like that she was forced," he said as Muldrew nodded slightly and took the box "I'll see you around Don," he said as he then left the house.
"I'm fixing to head to the pharmacy do you guys need me to get anything else while I'm out?" Cragen called to Elliot.
"A heating pad would be nice! Cap where do you keep all your washcloths? I only found 1 last night and it's dirty now we need a few clean ones!" Elliot called.
"Most of them are in my bathroom I'll grab them for you!"
"Thank you captain!" Elliot called out as Cragen nodded to himself and went to get them for him.
"Ahhh my stomach hurts so bad... m-my whole body hurts so bad..." Olivia cried as her strong facade had worn off after her last bout of throwing up as they were kneeling on the floor by the toilet.
Elliot nodded slightly as he gently strummed his fingers through her hair and rubbed her back "I know sweetheart I know I'm so sorry I can't do more... Cap's about to head out and get your pain pills though and they should help," he said softly.
Olivia managed a slight nod as another tremor coursed through her body as her breathing was becoming more labored "sweetheart I need you to try to slow down your breathing for me, in through the nose, out through the mouth. Feel my fingers in your hair," he said softly as he breathed slowly and deliberately, hoping she'd copy him.
She slightly nodded as Cragen sat the washcloths on the sink then quietly stepped out as after a couple minutes Olivia was breathing a little better "that's it baby that's it your doing great, just keep focusing on my breaths and copying them , I'm gonna wash your face okay?"
She slightly nodded but nuzzled her head further into the hand that was strumming through her hair as he got the hint and used his other hand to wet the rag and gently wash her face.
"T-thank you El," Olivia said through a pained smile once he finished.
"Your very welcome sweetheart," he said softly as he wetted another rag, this time with cold water "I'm gonna put this around your neck okay? It should help ease the nausea."
Olivia nodded slightly as she gasped slightly and shivered once it was around it "I know it's cold honey I'm sorry... It helps though I promise, how about we get you back in bed and covered up and I'll carry the garbage can in there for incase you need to throw up again?"
Olivia nodded slightly "o-okay.. I-I'm not gonna have to go to drug rehab right? I-I don't think I can be away from you for 30 days El."
Elliot shook his head as he gently lifted her into his arms "you won't baby your not addicted to it and that'd be the only way that that would have to happen is if it was a long term addiction."
She nodded slightly and sighed in relief as Elliot slightly smiled and gently kissed the side of her head as he laid her in the bed and gently tucked her in "you comfortable?"
Olivia nodded her head slightly.
Elliot smiled slightly and gently stroked her arm and went to step away but she gripped his finger "I'm just gonna bring the garbage can in I'll be right back honey," he said softly as he looked into her eyes.
Olivia nodded her head slightly as she let go of his finger "s-sorry El I don't know why I did that."
He shook his head slightly "no need to be sorry baby it's a normal reaction to trauma," he said as he gently kissed her forehead "I'll be right back," he reassured again as he then quickly stepped out to find a small garbage can.
"What are you looking for Elliot?" Cragen asked as he stepped in to the house with the medicine and heating pad.
"A small garbage can," Elliot said as Cragen nodded "I'll bring it to you just go be with her."
He nodded "you don't have to ask me twice," he said as he quickly headed back to the bedroom and eased onto the bed beside Olivia as she slightly smiled "no luck?"
Elliot shook his head slightly "I couldn't find it no but Cragen's back with your medicine and stuff and he's bringing it for us."
Olivia nodded slightly "I literally have zero energy right now I know I slept for 8 hours but it doesn't feel like it at all."
Elliot nodded sadly and sympathetically "that's the withdrawals sweetheart and the pain from all your injuries it'll ware off in time I promise."
She nodded slightly "I hope your right El I hate feeling like this, I hate being this dependent on you if I had had my way this morning we would have let you sleep in."
He nodded "I know you would've baby but then you would have had that panic attack from the pain in there alone and there's no reason for you to have to be alone during all this."
She nodded slightly seeing his point as Cragen walked in with the garbage can, Olivia's prescription and a bottle of water "here's your morphine Liv," he said as he reached to hand her the tablet.
Olivia slightly smiled "thank you captain," she said as she reached to take it but another tremor went through her body and her right hand fell to her side, to weak and shaky to grasp it.
Cragen frowned slightly as he and Elliot exchanged a glance and he handed it to Elliot as she watched intently "Elliot's gonna give it to you with some water Liv alright?"
Olivia laid there for a moment "I-I don't know if..."
Cragen sighed "Liv you've gotta have it and you can't do it yourself so either me or Elliot has to do it."
Olivia sighed slightly as her heart began to race and she fought a flashback of Lewis forcing adderall down her throat as she just stared at the pill.
"Olivia do you hear me? I get that you want to be independent but you have to have your medicine to feel better and right now you can't do it yourself so this is where we are."
Olivia just kept staring as Cragen sighed "detective!"
Olivia startled as her eyes shot up and she breathed shallowly as Elliot glared at him harshly then looked to Olivia "Olivia sweetheart your okay, your safe," he said as he then looked back to Cragen "a word." he said as he stood up from the bed and stepped out into the hall.
Cragen sighed and stepped out, gently shutting the door "I'm sorry I snapped at her Elliot but she was ignoring me and I didn't know how else to get her attention."
Elliot sighed "I don't think that was defiance captain if it had been she would have given a reason, or 20 reasons why she could do it herself, instead she just stared at it in terror there's something else wrong."
Cragen sighed "Lewis usually drugged his captives with alcohol and pills but since he gave her heroine do you really think he'd force her to take pills too?"
Elliot sighed "it wouldn't surprise me captain, she hinted at it at the hospital a couple times plus when I was driving her to the ER I ended up pulling over to give her some spright and she sort of freaked out and jerked it out of my hand. After she calmed down she told me she needed to explain why she got scared but I told her to wait. That's probably why she was scared..."
Cragen sighed heavily "your probably right but that doesn't change the fact that she has to take her morphine."
Elliot sighed "she doesn't have to do anything Don she's an adult not a little girl."
Cragen sighed "she's an adult who was signed out of the hospital and into your care, it's your responsibility not just to love her and soothe her Elliot but also to make sure that she gets the medical care that she needs... Look if you don't think you can do it I can go in there and give her her morphine."
Elliot shook his head "you'll do no such thing captain... I'll go in there and talk to her but her choice will be her choice and tough love is NOT what she needs from you right now. Nor does she need you pulling rank on her."
Cragen just sighed slightly and threw up his hands "I'm gonna go get started on breakfast, that morphine will help her pain but if you wanna let her suffer when she's clearly not at full decision making capacity be my guest!"
Elliot glared harshly "HOW DARE YOU say that Captain!! How dare you that's the last thing I fucking want!! I need some air!!" he said as he stomped outside and onto the porch as he slammed the door on the way out.
After about 5 minutes or so Elliot had calmed down enough that he figured he could be around Olivia with out his anger scaring her as he reentered the house and quietly reentered the guest room as she looked up at him "hey baby," he said softly.
She slightly smiled at him "h-hey El," she said as she patted the bed beside her as he nodded and sat down.
Once he was sitting she slightly smiled "you okay El?"
He nodded "yeah I am honey I promise," he said softly as he gently reached over and stroked her hair "you were having a flash back earlier weren't you. To Lewis forcing pills down your throat?"
Olivia nodded slightly as a tear slid down her cheek and Elliot nodded and gently wiped it away "baby I need you to know that when your with me you'll never and I mean never have to do, or let me do anything that makes you feel unsafe... Even if it would only help you... But I also need you to know that I'd never ever hurt you either..." He teared up slightly "honey I would die before I knowingly hurt you..."
Olivia slightly nodded her head "Elliot deep down I know that... I promise you I do it's just when I think of someone, anyone besides me doing that for me all the memories just start flooding back."
He nodded slightly "I understand sweetheart believe me I do, and if you do decide to take your medicine this morning I promise you I'll do every thing I can to keep you calm and in the present with me... If you can't though I'll understand and I won't mention it again until your tremors have slacked off enough for you to be able to do it yourself...
She slightly nodded "c-can I think about it for a little while?"
Elliot nodded "of course sweetheart take as long as you need I'll be right here."
She slightly nodded and laid there for a couple minutes "El?"
"Hmm?"
"Will you hold me for a little while?"
He nodded "of course honey," he said softly as he gently pulled her into his arms and cradled her against him as she slightly smiled and he did as well as he carefully plugged his phone charger into the outlet then plugged his phone up and waited for it to turn on.
About 5 minutes passed until it finally turned on as it lit up for several minutes straight as over 20 messages and 10 missed calls came through "seems like a lot of people were looking for us," Olivia said as she noticed his screen.
Elliot nodded "yeah they were it's probably just a lot of well wishers and reporters, I'll respond to them later I just wanted to make sure Katie hadn't texted or called I guess she stayed over at mom's."
Olivia nodded slightly "I hope she did I trust her with Izzabella they seemed to really click at Christmas."
He smiled a bit "yeah they did," he said as he left his phone on but on vibrate mode "you wanna watch anything in particular?"
She thought for a minute "maybe a comedy?"
Elliot nodded "sounds good to me," he said with a smile as he put it on a comedy movie just as Cragen walked into the room "I made bacon, eggs and toast if you guys are hungry."
Olivia slightly nodded "I might be able to get down a little toast."
Cragen nodded "sounds great, what will you have Elliot?"
"I'll have a little of all three," he said as Cragen nodded "did you give her her meds?"
Elliot sighed heavily "she said she'd think about it so I'm giving her a chance to think."
Cragen sighed slightly and nodded his head at him as he left the bedroom as Olivia slightly sighed "you guys were fighting about me earlier weren't you? He wanted you to force me to take it and you wanted to let me choose?"
He nodded "yeah sorta... He has good intensions honey just like I do he's just so used to being the authority figure that he's expressing them in the wrong way."
Olivia nodded slightly as she tried to carefully sit up but another tremor went through her as she landed right back on Elliot's chest "s-sorry," she said worried the force of her falling had hurt him.
He shook his head slightly "no reason to be sorry honey it didn't hurt."
She nodded slightly "I-I was starting to feel a little better until I moved and now I'm back to square 1 again..."
He nodded slightly in sympathy as he gently raked his fingernails over her scalp as she smiled slightly and moaned as Elliot smiled slightly too "just try to relax and focus on your head massage honey and hopefully this will pass soon."
Olivia nodded slightly as Cragen walked in with their breakfast "am I interrupting something?"
Olivia shook her head slightly as Elliot slowed his ministrations on her scalp "you still up for a little toast?" he asked softly.
Olivia nodded slightly "I-I'll try," she said as El nodded and Cragen laid her plate in front of her "thank you captain," Olivia said.
"Your welcome Olivia, Elliot where do you want yours?"
Elliot slightly smiled "just sit it on the night stand please."
Cragen nodded and obliged as he sat their drinks there too then left the room.
"The food smells great on any other day I'd probably be eager to eat it," Olivia said through a small sigh as she fought through her tremors and managed to hold the toast to her mouth and take a couple bites.
Elliot nodded slightly "I get what your saying honey my appetite isn't that big either... Watching you struggle... I-it's hard.."
Olivia nodded slightly as she slowly chewed and swallowed the toast in her mouth "I-I know it is El... and I'd understand if you needed to step away for a bit but what your doing for me right now... I-it means the world."
He nodded slightly and gently rubbed her back for a minute as he then reached over and took a couple bites of his own food "I'm not going anywhere honey I'm exactly where I want and need to be right now. I'm just glad that my being here with you, holding you like I am is providing you with some comfort."
She nodded slightly "I'd be lying if I said all my pain is gone because it isn't... But our banter, your massages, your patients... t-they're all helping this be so much more bearable for me," she said as she used a small break in the tremors to set the rest of her toast back on her plate.
Elliot nodded slightly "your the strongest woman I know you know that right?"
She shook her head slightly "I don't feel all that strong right now."
He nodded slightly "right here right now you might not be physically strong but what you are is mentally strong you wanna know why?"
She nodded slightly, intrigued as Elliot faced her "your mentally strong because no matter how many times I tell you I'll help you you always try yourself first. Your mentally strong because even after every thing you've been through honey you've still managed to laugh and smile..." he teared up slightly "and your mentally strong... Your mentally strong because you didn't let that animal break you, you never faltered, never gave him what he wanted... Baby it would have been so easy for you to just have surrendered your ring to him or told me what he wanted you to say from the start of that call but you didn't, you never wavered.
I know part of that was from fear of losing me if you said it but I think the bigger reason why you wouldn't say it was because you refused to let him win, control the narrative then after that was through you saved yourself... Baby I didn't save you you saved yourself and if that isn't strength then nothing is, nothing is," he said as by the time he was finished speaking they both had tears in their eyes as she nodded against his chest several times, finally seeing his point as they hugged tightly.
A few minutes passed with them staying in their tight embrace "El?"
"Hmm?"
"T-Thank you for saying that I really needed to hear it."
He nodded slightly "I'll say it as often as you need to hear it because it's the truth."
She nodded and slightly smiled "e-El I think I'm ready."
He looked at her slightly puzzled "ready for what?"
She sighed slightly, unsureness returning back into her expression but she managed to get the words out "I-I think I'm ready to try to let you give me my morphine."