With Or Without You
A/n: Hi guys! Once again I'm so happy to have recieved so many reviews, you guys are so great! Well, it took me a bit to get this chapter right, but I'm really happy with it. I hope ya'll like it! And just a few words I'd like to say a few reviewers...
Kalana Fox: Yes, your senses are correct but I don't believe a lemon will happen any time too soon. :P
Cassie1: I'm glad you're not 'just being nice'. I'm glad that I could make you so happy with this story!
Nilee: Thank you. I'm not sure, it's gonna be tough!
Yellowtaffeta: Wow, thanks for such a flattering review! I'm glad you're pleased with this story. Your review made me break out into a big smile! Thanks again for such a nice review!
Rosesbleedto: Thank you! Yes, I do believe his lil sibling may have to make an appearance. With children or not, I'm still not sure. But we'll just have to wait and see :Accepts gold star with big smile and pins it to T-shirt, beaming: Thank you!
Karite: You are very welcome m'dear. This one's even longer!
esmeralda: I'm so sorry you get bored that easily. I hope this update was quick enough so that I didn't loose your interest. :(
Chapter Four
Rin's Guilty Denial
>
As silently as possible, Rin stepped out of the humid heat of her home and walked out into the warm, fresh air. The evening's gentle breezes were barely pushing against her, easily coaxing her further into the darkness of the garden. Yet the stars, sparkling childishly above her, drew her attention first.
She stared at the sky as she often did when thinking of a particular youkai.
She let out a small sigh and stepped down onto the small path that lead to Lady Adzumi's private garden.
Her bright eyes fell upon the small stone bench which lay in the middle of the garden. Completely hidden from the outside world, only those who ventured into the garden could find her.
She was alone, completely alone...as always.
Tonight though, she had been searching for this solitude.
Throughout dinner, the lord's other daughters had bombarded Rin with dozens of questions.
Who was he? How old was he? Was he married? Did he have any children? Was he powerful? What was that green thing following him?
Rin felt a bit of anger wash over her. Though at first, their comments were innocent, as the night continued on, the spoiled daughters began to say rather unladylike things about Sesshomaru.
She felt her fists clench upon her lap.
Sesshomaru had always been her secret. No one knew who he was, or what he looked like. They only knew what Rin and travelers told them. Now that they had seen them, Rin almost felt as if someone had told the world her deepest, darkest secret.
She released her fists and let out another sigh.
She shouldn't be feeling this way. She was engaged to another man. Another man that she adored so very much. He was handsome, rich, powerful.
'So is Lord Sesshomaru.'
Rin frowned as her internal voice argued with her logics.
Ten years had seemed to drag on for forever, as day by day, she sat in this quaint village. She had always kept that silent faith that he would return. No matter how bad a day was, no matter how sad or lonely she felt, she knew that some where out there, her lord was thinking of her. Perhaps planning his return for her.
He promised he would.
'You broke your promise, m'lord. You did not return for me.'
She felt her lips quiver with sadness and she bit back her tears as reality began to settle in.
She was stuck here for forever. She was stuck, being married away to a man she had only known a few months. Her life was now predictable and easy. When she had agreed to marry Roiyaru, she did feel strongly towards him, but in the back of her mind, she had always thought that she would be rescued. Now with her wedding only a month away...no one was here to save her and she was now trapped.
She was to live the life that she had always pitied. She did not dread becoming a wife, but becoming wife to a boring, weak man. She wanted adventure and excitement in her life. Marrying Roiyaru nearly guaranteed no troubles for the rest of her life. There would be no evil demons to be defended from. She was safe and secure and she couldn't have been more upset with the idea.
Would Roiyaru defend her with his life? She found that she was unable to answer.
Rin settled down upon the grass and leaned against the stone seat, her free hand playing at the smooth grass beneath her.
She wondered what Sesshomaru would have done had he found out of her engagement. Would he be angry? Would he scold her? Or would he simply turn and leave, as he had done today?
'It doesn't matter now...he's gone.'
Rin remembered when she traveled with her lord. Time had stood still for them. She never worried about her education, nor her family.
She was with Lord Sesshomaru and Master Jaken. Who needed a family when one was with protectors such as them?
It had been her happiest time.
Now she was more miserable than ever.
'Perhaps,' she thought, 'I would have been happier not seeing him ever again.'
She shook her head at the thought. With seeing him now, she had proof that he still lived and thrived. He looked just as he did and she realized that to a demon, time did stand still. He still looked twenty. Tall, handsome, mysterious...
Now the age difference was not scandalous.
Rin frowned at that thought.
As a child, she had always looked at him as a father, a guardian.
Why was it now, she felt jealousy when the other women spoke of him? A daughter would not feel this way. Why did she feel betrayed by his sudden leave? As a daughter, she should be respectful and understand that he had bigger worries than simply checking in on a pesky child.
She could still remember the way her heart had thundered in her chest as she heard of his arrival. Though a daughter would be happy to have her father return...her reaction was much more like a wife's when a husband returns from war.
Rin felt her stomach clench and she almost felt that she may be sick.
Dread and fear fell upon her and she felt tears beginning to well within her eyes. These were not emotions a bride should be feeling towards anyone but her husband...was it lo...
No, she would not allow herself to even consider the possibility of feeling such an emotion as that four lettered one. She would permit herself to feel hate before she wanted to admit that she felt that way for him and not as a child or daughter.
Rin let out a small cry and buried her face in her hands as she continued to feel that familiar guilt flow through her.
>
This time, as he entered the village, has was undetected. No one was outside and if they were, he was far too quiet for them to notice.
His golden eyes were easily gliding over the village as he tried to catch her scent.
He cringed slightly as other odors, such as animals, humans and other unhealthy scents, hit his senses.
He decided to not try again until he were closer to where he saw her and headed on into the village. From various directions, he could hear boisterous laughter and shrill voices of women. Lights were glowing from within nearly every home, but none ventured outside.
Sesshomaru was thankful for the privacy.
He had not enjoyed the public viewing earlier. He and Rin had been on a stage for these pathetic weaklings and he had wanted to shred each and every one for simply staring at her.
Jealousy tweaked his insides and he fought himself to kick it aside.
As he had walked away from Jaken, he had nearly stopped half a dozen times to turn around and continue on back to his home. However, something much stronger than his pride was pulling at him at the moment and he tried his hardest not to guess what it was.
With a sudden jerk he turned just as a drunken man, being held up by a younger one, came stumbling out into the village's main street.
Sesshomaru did not run to hide, but simply stared at them with a rather snotty sneer upon his face. The two did not even notice him and continued to babble on, slurring nearly every other word together.
'Humans.'
He growled to himself quietly, before heading on.
As he crept deeper and deeper into the village, he could begin to smell the scent of lavender...honeysuckle. As quickly as it reached him though, it drifted away on the evening's breeze.
He continued on and continuously, her scent would rise up and meet him once again. It almost felt as if it were teasing him. Letting him dwell within its heady scent for only a moment or two before it would drift away.
Sesshomaru's eyes fell upon the lord's home. It was easy to find because of its large size. No one was around, though music and laughter could be heard from within. Sesshomaru wondered what kind of man this lord was.
Before he could dwell upon it any longer, he caught her flowery scent once again. He dreaded the thought of entering her home. He would be surrounded by those nosey, fowl smelling creatures and they'd all demand to know what he wanted and why he needed to speak with her.
He almost decided to simply destroy them all, so that no questions would be asked and no one would interrupt him.
And then that familiar, bitter scent of salt caught his attention. He turned his head towards to the back of the estate and headed that way. It was the same direction that the scent of lavender and honeysuckle were coming from.
That bitter scent reminded him of ten years ago, when he said goodbye to her. She had been so obedient. With eyes so large and naive, she listened to him and nodded without question. She went on without fear, into the village. She never looked back, just as he had instructed.
Sesshomaru wasn't surprised to see the hidden garden. It explained why she smelt of flowers. He crept from the back into it, following the flowers to the center, where the soft whimpers of a woman could be heard.
It didn't take a genius to know who was hidden within the flowers and walls of bamboo.
>
Rin felt her shoulders tremble as the tears continued to flow.
She hated this more than anything. She did not want to feel this. Though it was an emotion often celebrated, an emotion some would forever crave, she wished to push it aside and forget that it had even crossed her mind.
She wished that she was not that smart and that she had just stayed confused as to why she felt so drawn to that tall youkai.
"Lord Sesshomaru," she whispered.
Saying his name brought some comfort to her. It almost felt like a bit of that emotion was eased out just a bit.
>
'My name.'
As she cried, he knew it was over him. He wanted to feel that sadistic happiness that he did when others cried out because of him. However, he was disturbed by her tears. He did not like to be called out for when she seemed to be in so much pain.
'Get a hold of yourself. She's a human female. Either they're laughing like jackals or blubbering like infants. She's no different than the others. You simply know her, that's all.'
Sesshomaru felt his pride resurfacing. He was Lord Sesshomaru of the Western Lands and he was wasting his time on her. If she were that hurt by him simply leaving, then she wasn't worth the effort.
Yet his name had sounded so soft and gentle coming from her lips. As others called out his name, it had always been in fear and pain. When it left her lips, it was in a tone unknown to him.
The aromas of the sweet flowers were swarming him, yet her bodily scent still stood out faintly amongst them. It was calling him, pulling at his senses. Inside, something within him was beginning to overcome him.
Trying his hardest not to rationalize, he stepped out of the shadows and studied her from behind.
Her long mane was shinier than ever. As a child it had often been unkept and tangled, yet always full and thick. Now she was a woman and he could tell she had begun to care about her appearance, for her long hair was healthy and appeared to so very soft.
Rin rose up suddenly and stood before him, still unaware of his presence. It did not surprise him though, he had trained himself to be completely silent for fighting purposes. Never did he expect that his silence would come in handy in the matter of mortal women.
She wiped away her tears daintily with the sleeves of her pretty kimono and took a steadying breath.
If she were to return inside, red eyed and puffy, not one person would ignore it.
She readied herself to place on that happy, cheerful mask she had been so easily wearing for the past ten years. Now it would become her usual countenance. Hopefully the planning of her wedding would keep her occupied.
With that reminder, she felt tears burning once again.
'No...that's enough,' she scolded herself.
She took one more breath before she headed inside. Her steps were slow and unsteady, as she tried to regain control of herself.
"Rin."
The voice was liquidly smooth, rushing over her senses and making her heart race once more. She felt her eyes drift closed.
It wasn't possible.
It couldn't be.
Her lord rarely ever changed his mind.
Afraid to wake herself from this bittersweet dream, she turned to meet eyes that caught the moonlight and flickered with an animalistic glow.
"You came back," she gasped.
Her eyes searched his. His face was opening to her. His eyes were showing turmoil and conflict. He was fighting something back and Rin could feel herself being pulled towards him.
Sesshomaru noticed how she studied him so very carefully. She was reading into his soul and as quickly as he had allowed her in, he simply blinked and the vault door slammed shut.
Rin let out a small gasp, but remained speechless.
"Jaken insisted that I return and speak with you," Sesshomaru lied.
Rin did not catch the fib and nodded slowly.
'So Master Jaken was worrying about me...not you.'
"Master Jaken was concerned about me?" she asked quite brightly.
Sesshomaru did not reply. He simply stared at her, wondering how on earth she could hide herself so easily. Moments later she had been crying her eyes out, whispering his name into the night. Now she was smiling and speaking ever so happily to him.
Rin walked over to the stone bench and sat down. "Well, that's kind of him."
Sesshomaru turned to her, noticing the faint sound of disappointment in her voice.
She looked up to him and smiled briefly. "Well you can tell him that I'm happy here. I...I have almost everything I want. I don't ask for much, but they insist, especially Lady Adzumi, that I take everything." She giggled quietly. "It's a little silly, really. They shouldn't spoil me so, but they do."
Sesshomaru nodded, noticing how eloquently she spoke now.
"So you are content with living here?" he asked quietly.
Rin glanced up. "Um...well, it is a very nice village, but I do miss the woods and the meadows where you used to take us. I haven't left this place in ten years, so I really don't know what's going on out there."
She paused a moment. She wished that she could read him as easily as Jaken seemed to do.
He remained silent.
"Do you wish to meet the lord and his wife?"
Sesshomaru shot her a glare that made her burst into a fit of giggles. He looked as if she had asked him to go kiss Jaken.
Sesshomaru wondered why her laughter caused him such comfort. It was nice, he supposed, to hear happiness every now and then.
As her short spurt of laughter quickly died away, she looked up to him and smiled.
"I'm...I'm glad you came back, Lord Sesshomaru."
His forever blank expression remained present, though inside he was glad to hear his return wasn't in vain.
Rin stood up once again and began to fiddle with her red obi. "How is your brother?"
Sesshomaru looked away from her and replied, "I have not heard from him since Naraku was defeated. The worthless mutt has gone off somewhere with that mortal girl."
Rin nodded. She then bit her lower lip, trying to grant herself courage.
"Are all mortals that bad, m'lord?"
Sesshomaru turned to her and slightly frowned. Where was she going with this question? Did she wish him to say that she were an exception? Because he wouldn't say it, he couldn't...even if it were very true.
"Humans are weak, worthless beings that simply take up valuable space. They're life spans are far too short to make a difference in this world, so why even bother with them?"
Rin did not become offended from this comment, for she was far too used to his feelings about humans. She had always known that she was an exception, she did not need him to say it...though it would be nice to hear.
"M'lady!" came a voice from inside.
Rin looked to Sesshomaru and the two passed knowing glances. He simply stepped back into the shadows, though he would much rather rip off the servant's head with one easy swipe.
"M'lady!" came the young girl again.
"In the garden!" called out Rin.
She looked over her shoulder to Sesshomaru as he watched her carefully.
The servant named Tokiko pranced up to Rin and quickly bowed. "M'lady, I'm sorry to disturb you, but there is a messenger from Lord Roiyaru."
Rin felt all the color drain from her face.
"Roi...Roiyaru?" she asked quietly.
Sesshomaru frowned, his eyes keenly watching her every move. Something was wrong.
"Yes m'lady, he wishes to see you tomorrow."
Rin looked to her hands a moment, so very afraid to look at the shadows.
"Give the messenger some rest, Tokiko. I'll come speak with him in a few minutes."
Tokiko nodded. As Sesshomaru was about to step out of the shadows, the irritating girl turned to Rin and whispered softly, "Is something troubling you, m'lady?"
Rin smiled gently. "No Tokiko. I'm fine."
The young girl nodded, concern still evident upon her face. She gave Rin one last look before rushing back inside.
Rin let out a small sigh, refusing to look at Sesshomaru.
The youkai stepped back into the moon's low lighting and cocked an ebony brow in question.
"Who is this Roiyaru?" he asked cooly, despite how anger was beginning to burn within him.
Rin sniffled slightly as she felt him standing ever so closely to her.
"I meant to tell you sooner, but you left so quickly," she muttered.
Sesshomaru frowned. Tell him what sooner?
Rin's lower lip quivered as her tears began to fall once again. This time she let them fall freely. She felt so very guilty, as if she had betrayed him. Something inside was screaming that she had while another part argued, that it was he who had betrayed her by never returning.
'But he has returned. He's here, with me now.'
"Rin," he whispered.
He watched as she shivered. Whether the shiver was good or not, he did not know.
She bit her lower lip as her name rang from him. It sounded so beautiful. No one ever said her name the way he did. Without even trying, he had her attention by just whispering her name.
"It's just that with ten years...you begin to think that maybe people have forgotten and I don't know why I said yes, but I did," she continued to mutter.
Sesshomaru was growing impatient.
Grabbing her shoulder, he touched her for the first time in a decade. Without even thinking it, he turned her around so that she face him, only an arm's length away.
It was his turn to study her eyes. It was his turn to search her eyes for an emotion, for an answer.
"Who is he, Rin?" he demanded, his tone stern and low.
The beauty hiccuped and gulped.
"Who is he?" he repeated again, now frowning.
He noticed the tears rolling down her flushed cheeks, the way her lips were parted slightly as she breathed heavily. She was so very irresistible and only his pride held him back from expressing himself.
'It takes another man for him to touch me?' she snipped silently.
She looked up from beneath her bangs and cowered. "He's," she sniffled again, "he's...Roiyaru is my fiancee."
>
A/n: Well, yet again, another cliffy! Ha ha ha, I'm so sorry, I know a few of ya'll hate them, but doesn't that make you wanna come back and see what happens? Of course it does, lol.Well I hope that you guys liked this chapter. I really did. I know that Fluffy is still kind of icy towards her, but it's gonna take time for us to bust through to him. Review please, I know ya'll will b/c you guys are just so totally awesome! Lol, boy I'm in a good mood! See ya!