With Or Without You

A/n:sobbing terribly: Please, please, please forgive me for taking so long to update! I had writer's block for forever and I just couldn't get this chapter right, so please don't be angry! I'm truly, honestly sorry. If you wish to yell at me, then you may...I understand...:'( In the next chapter I'll answer any questions ya'll may have for me, okay? Sorry!

Chapter Five

Un Papillon sur ton Epaule

>

Fiancee.

She was engaged.

He took a step back, releasing her just as quickly as he had held her. He noticed her small whimper at the loss of his touch, but she said nothing. She continued to cry and he couldn't help, but wonder why she appeared to be so guilty.

Inside, he felt a quick snarl of betrayal, but as quickly as any other emotion entered his heart, he pushed it away.

"Your fiancee?" was all he could whisper, more to himself than to her.

She nodded silently, closing her eyes tightly. Her hands were clasped tightly at her sides as she felt like a child once again, standing before an angry parent.

'He's not your father...and you are not a child,' she told herself.

Sesshomaru continued to stare at her as the winds around them picked up. He watched as her raven mane swirled about her, the way her kimono's skirt barely lifted under the night's gentle breeze.

Even in tears, she was a beauty to behold.

Behind her the sounds of her family were breaking through the silence around them. The high pitched laughter of the lord's daughters was accenting the night and the soft sounds of music rang out from the mansion.

She closed her eyes to block them out.

"I...I should have told you sooner, but I didn't," she whispered softly.

She looked up into his eyes and she noticed with dismay, that though a flicker of humanity had been shown to her, it was now covered up. Once again, he stood before her, not as a man or equal, but as an aristocratic, superior being that she had always seen him as until minutes prior.

Sesshomaru slightly frowned. "It is not my decision as to who you wish to spend your life with, Rin," he finally said.

He paused a moment and his face seemed to harden. "You have no reason to apologize."

Rin frowned, unable to understand him the way Master Jaken did.

His eyes held hers for only a moment more, before he turned his back upon her, leaving her alone. Though he stood little over a foot away from her, she felt as if she had been isolated once again. With this simple movement, he had ended the conversation.

The way he had spoken to her, the way he had reacted, appeared as if he did not care at all. His tone had been so bitterly vile that Rin wished she had the courage to slap him and yell at him. To tell him that she had just realized only minutes before he had come to her, that she may be in love with him.

Though she still refused to admit that what she was feeling were in fact love, she knew the emotion, for some reason, was unwanted. She couldn't feel this way and by the way he reacted, she was beginning to hate the emotion even more.

Before she had told him of her engagement, she had felt that she were betraying him, that she had broken an unspoken promise to him. She couldn't understand it...but she did not want to, for he was more emotionless than before, so what was the point?

She now felt helpless, as if he were supposed to be rescuing her from some untold foe. She could not decipher what it was that she felt so much despair about, but now that he had turned his back upon her, she felt that she were once again, alone in this world.

"It's getting late. You should return to your party," he ordered sternly, only glancing to her from over his shoulder.

Rin nodded.

He was leaving again.

"Th-thank you for coming and seeing me, Lord Sesshomaru," she whispered.

Sesshomaru simply turned away and headed out of the garden.

Rin stared helplessly, her eyes following.

The least he could so was say goodbye.

"Lord Sesshomaru!" she called out, mustering up all her courage to call out to him.

He grit his teeth as she uttered his name.

'Just keep going,' he ordered.

He felt his stride growing more unsteady and unsure. He felt himself becoming angry with Rin. She was the reason why he was acting so weak, why he was still here in this pathetic village.

If he could simply distance himself from her, to get away from these new, troubling emotions...If he could get away from her for good, then this would soon pass and she would be nothing, but a mere memory that would soon fade into nothing as his seemingly never ending life continued on.

But did he truly wish to forget her?

He felt a sudden pull from somewhere inside of him to stop, but ignored it and continued on. He was now heading down the main path of the village and he had no intention of stopping nor, turning around.

"Lord Sesshomaru!" she called out once again.

Rin stopped at the exit of the garden and looked both ways, his silver hair caught the moonlight and she saw him.

Taking off in a run, she took as long of strides as her kimono would allow, her heart racing just as loudly as it had when she had first seen him hours ago.

And then she heard it.

A low, raspy growl that echoed from behind her. She stopped immediately, all too familiar with the sounds of an angry demon.

Rin felt goose bumps rise on her skin and the hair on the back of her neck rose. With as much bravery as she could muster, she turned to see a large spider demon hissing at her. Nearly thirty feet in height, it towered over her, showering her in complete darkness.

"L-Lord...Lord Sesshomaru!" she cried, just as she had years ago.

He stopped immediately and turned at the shrillness of her scream. She was in trouble and when his eyes found the spider he knew why.

He could smell the fear in her scent and though he knew Rin had seen much worse in her short lifetime, the giant youkai could easily crush her weak body.

From inside the mansion, amongst the music and laughter, Lady Adzumi could hear her daughter's cry. Jumping up, she ran outside, catching everyone's attention.

They all followed her and soon stood in a trance as the lord's most favored daughter stood only feet away from a gigantic creature. Ahead of the spider stood the mysterious youkai that visited their village only hours before. Not a single man moved to defend the girl.

"Rin!" cried out Lady Adzumi, as several of her daughters grabbed her arms to keep her from running out.

The young girl did not turn away from the creature as it continued to snarl and hiss. It reared back quickly, it's legs thrashing madly, baring its fangs upon her. Rin screamed out once again, unable to move from where she stood.

The memory of Naraku and his infamous familiarity with spiders was haunting her, bringing her to darker times.

Sesshomaru did not hesitate as she cried out for him once again and took off to only be, in the blink of an eye, in front of Rin.

The vile scent of the creature made him cringe, and though he knew it were not Naraku, he still felt uneasy with Rin so very close to the creature.

He pushed her back with his hand.

Rin gasped.

"Lord Sesshomaru!"

He looked at her over his shoulder once again. "Run Rin," he ordered cooly.

Just as he spoke the words, the spider lunged. Sesshomaru turned to Rin and pushed her back as hard as he could, out of the spider's way.

She flew back and landed against a fence post, hitting her head hard.

"Rin!" screamed Lady Adzumi.

Sesshomaru did not have time to run to her, for the demon lunged once again. This time, Sesshomaru retaliated and with a single swipe of his claws, the creature was nothing. Sesshomaru stared a moment longer, making sure the spider was dead.

"Pitiful excuse for a demon," he muttered.

He then turned to Rin.

She was not moving. She simply lay against the grass, her mouth slightly open.

'Rin,' he thought to himself, an odd panic coursing through him as it had not done in years.

'Not since you left her here,' quipped his inner voice.

He felt anger towards both the beast and himself. If she had only listened and moved, then she wouldn't have been hurt.

He walked towards her as Lady Adzumi ran and scooped her up. "Rin, darling please say something!" she cried.

Sesshomaru simply walked through the crowd as they stared helplessly at him. Some were muttering words of praise, others words of spite.

"He pushed her, did you see that? I knew he was no good!"

"But he was only defending her! I heard she was his daughter!"

"A demon hasn't been in our village in ten years. He shows up and so does a spider! Far too close to be a coincidence, if you ask me."

"He only wants the girl dead. He probably lured the demon here to distract us, while he ran off with her."

Sesshomaru ignored their remarks as he had done all his life and squat down before Rin and Lady Adzumi. The woman glanced up to him, mixed emotions filtering through her dark eyes.

"Is she dead?" she whispered sternly.

Sesshomaru took the girl and cradled her against his right arm, the scent of lavender and honeysuckle flooding his senses once again. If she were dead, he could easily bring her back. If she were injured though, he did not know if he could help her.

He could feel the steady beat of her heart and knew that she was not dead. "She's only unconscious," he told the woman.

Lady Adzumi clutched her chest. "Thank heavens," she whispered softly.

Rin could hear him.

She could hear her lord for he was so very close to her. She could feel his hand upon her. He was holding her like a child. She could feel his heart beat against her shoulder and she wanted nothing more than to curl closer to him.

She also felt a pain in the back of her head, but could not open her eyes.

"Lord...Lord Sesshomaru," she muttered.

Sesshomaru lifted her up so that he could hear her.

She had spoken his name...not the name of her fiancee, but his. She had cried out for him when she was in trouble, not for Roiyaru.

Sesshomaru felt himself feel proud to know that he were still the first on her mind. He didn't know why the feeling pleased him so, but as he stared down at her, he saw the color returning to her. She would awaken soon.

"Hikaru, take Rin to her bed," ordered Lady Adzumi.

Reluctantly, Sesshomaru released her and handed her over to a male servant. Sesshomaru did not turn to leave though, he followed the man into the mansion and on into Rin's bedroom.

"Mother, Father would disapprove of having a demon inside! He would not allow it!" protested one of the many ugly daughters.

Lady Adzumi held her hand up as she stared at Rin and Sesshomaru.

"Leave him be, Ami. He means us no harm. Can't you see?" she whispered.

Her daughter looked in and stared as Sesshomaru studied Rin. It did not appear to be a look that a guardian or father would give a daughter...no, he stared at her so gently, so fondly that it was a look that Ami had only seen Roiyaru give Rin.

It was a look only known between lovers.

Sesshomaru stared down at Rin. The moonlight fell down upon her through the open window. Her dark lashes lay against her fair cheeks as she continued to lie there, motionless.

As he heard the pesky family members leave, he glance over his shoulder to reassure they were gone. This was the last time he would see her, he supposed. After this he would return to the west and she would marry that mortal, Roiyaru.

She would grow old, perhaps have a few children. The man would grow fat and begin to chase other women as all mortal men did, while she would age gracefully alone. She would stay at home, day in and day out, tending to the children as a good wife should. She would be bored with this life.

It was not a life that Sesshomaru wanted her to have...but it appeared that it was the only possible thing for her. It wasn't like he could ask her to join him once again.

He frowned at the thought.

It wasn't that bad of an idea. She had traveled with him before and though she occasionally got herself into trouble, now that she were a woman she would be less of a problem.

His frown deepened.

Who was he kidding?

As a woman, she would be more of a problem. She was so very beautiful. Even Sesshomaru, as cold as he was, could admit that she was attractive for a human. And he knew that if he could see this, then any other demon could as well. Not to mention the mortal men who would wish to have her. As a child, no one really cared about her unless it were Naraku. And even then it were only to get at Sesshomaru.

No, as an adult she would be much more of a problem than she could have ever been as a child.

With a quiet sigh, he let the truth sink in.

Tonight would be his final goodbye to her.

Rin stirred slightly. She could feel her body waking up once again, slowly but surely, she could feel her toes, then her legs and it casually moved up.

She could hear her lord and she could feel his hot breath upon her as he let out a sigh. Never had she really heard him sigh before. He was always so stoic and blank.

Something within her told her that this was a moment that she needed to blind to. But how she wished to look upon his face as he opened it up to her! She wanted to thank him for saving her once again and she wanted to ask him to save her once again, from this inevitable fate she had gotten herself into.

She could feel the heat from his body radiating off him and she wondered how close he really was to her. And then, as if on cue, her eyes fluttered open.

Sesshomaru watched as she slowly turned to him, a soft smile gracing her lips.

"Lord Sesshomaru," she whispered. She tried to rise up, but Sesshomaru easily pushed her back down.

Rin winced as she felt the pain at the back of her head. She felt the sudden impulse to touch the spot, but resisted as those fiery gold eyes stared down upon her.

"Is everyone alright?" she asked.

Sesshomaru nodded. "Regretfully none of them were harmed."

Rin giggled gently as she noticed the small flicker of humor cross his expression.

And then, as it had earlier, silence fell between them.

Sesshomaru wondered if he'd miss her quiet laughter.

'It doesn't matter. In a few years she'll be nothing but a distant memory.'

With that thought, he rose up.

Rin's relaxed expression soon fell and she sat up, quietly whimpering as the pain shot through her.

"You're leaving again?" she muttered, staring at him with sad eyes.

Sesshomaru looked out the window to where he knew Jaken was waiting.

"I have no reason to stay," he replied coldly.

Rin felt her insides curling at the sight of his suddenly icy stare, but she did not allow him to see how much he affected her. If he wanted to act this way, she could be just as cold.

"Fine. Please tell Master Jaken I said goodbye." She paused a moment then added quietly, "I will miss him."

Sesshomaru stared at her as she refused to look at him. She simply stared at the floor and even as he moved out the doorway, she did not look up.

>

Sesshomaru walked outside into the fresh air of the night. He breathed in deeply, glancing to the sky as the soft hues of morning accented the horizon. It was nearly morning already. He had spent far too much time here.

"Lord Sesshomaru!" came a voice. It was not of Rin, but of the woman who she now called mother.

"Lord Sesshomaru, please wait!" she cried out.

He turned on his heel and glared down at the woman. She visibly flinched under his bitter stare. "Lord Sesshomaru, thank you for saving my daughter. I can tell that you are very fond of her," she stated calmly.

Sesshomaru quirked a brow at her. "Fond of her? Rin is nothing to me."

Lady Adzumi nodded, not believing him at all, and it was clearly written upon her face. "I see...well, I'm sure your little companion is fond of her. The little green toad?"

Sesshomaru glanced to the hills once again where the annoying reptile waited. He did not reply.

Lady Adzumi sighed, growing irritated with his stubborn pride. He was just as secretive as Rin. "Well tell him that the wedding is in four weeks, should he decide to attend."

Sesshomaru looked at her squarely in the eye. Was what she said directed at him?

Before he could consider it further, she gave him a knowing smile and bowed slightly. "Goodbye...Lord Sesshomaru."

Sesshomaru watched the woman walk back to her home. She was much wiser than she led on. As she entered the mansion gates, he turned away and headed back to the glossy hills.

>

"Oh what's taking so damn long!" cried out Jaken into the night. He threw down his beloved staff and sat down upon the grass with a loud 'hmph'.

He had been waiting patiently as he could and now that dawn was approaching, he felt that perhaps his lord was lost forever.

'A mortal woman captured your father's heart, m'lord. Be careful with what you're doing,' he begged silently.

For years he had been with his master and for years, Sesshomaru had never bothered with even the most beautiful of women. Why was Rin different?

Jaken was no fool, he knew what a beautiful woman was and Rin was most definitely beautiful, but why was she so different then the others? Why was she the first to capture his lord's attention?

Jaken had been surprised when he had seen Rin. She was so very pretty, in both appearance and spirit. Though he had always given her so much trouble, he did have a soft spot for the girl. Now though, she becoming a nuisance. They were supposed to only visit her then leave. What had made Lord Sesshomaru change his mind?

Just as he tried to answer himself, Jaken saw his master.

"Lord Sesshomaru!" he cried out.

Sesshomaru did not speak, but simply walked past him and on into the woods.

Jaken's eyes grew as he noticed that his lord was not in a good mood.

"Come Jaken!" he heard him growl out.

It only took the toad seconds to obey.

>

A/n: Well there is it, chapter five. I'm still not 100 percent satisfied with this chapter, but I like it. In the next chappie, don't worry, it will be about Fluffy's internal reaction to all this new information, m'kay? And I know it took forever for me to update, and again, I'm really sorry. Also, school starts tomorrow, so if it takes me a week or so to update, I'm really sorry. School just simply sucks, what can I say?

Oh, BTW, the chapter title means something about a butterfly-dog in French, lol. It's just the title of a song I was listening to while I wrote this chapter and it looked purdy, so I decided to use it. If anyone would like to translate it for me, I'd be much obliged. :P See ya!