With Or Without You
Warning: This chapter contains a tiny, smudge of "lemonyness" to it, so if you are truly offended at all by it, look away from the first section of the chapter. It isn't truly necessary in the plot b/c Rin will think about it, but not in total detail...catch my drift? Besides, its only a dream and its not very descriptive...sooo...anywhoo...lol
A/n: Well I wrote like eight different versions of this damn chapter and this one is the one I finally settled on...notice that I said settled. I'm so, sosorry for the delay guys, but once again, school has managed to push its way in between everything else I do, so here it is. I promise to make up for it in the next chapter, m'kay? Feel free to yell and curse or whatever you feel neccessary for my lack of updating:(
Chapter Eight
Estranged Dreams
>
Outside, the rain was falling rapidly, thudding rather loudly against the roof. Lightning would occasionally flash, followed by a loud clap of thunder. The soft sound of whimpers could be heard from the four other daughters of Lord Kisho down the hall.
And yet, despite all the distractions of the night, she heard none of them.
Instead, Rin lay sleeping.
Occasionally she would twist and turn, her lips parted as gasps continued to escape her. A small sheen of sweat crossed over her skin and all she could do was toss and turn.
She was dreaming.
She was dreaming of her beloved Lord Sesshomaru...
They lay in a field in the deadest, bleakest hour of the night.
Above her, no stars shined. There was no moon either, just simply blackness. It somewhat frightened and excited her at the same time. Had he not been with her, she would have been terribly afraid of such pure darkness.
She could feel the cool grass beneath her naked body. It tickled against her, but she ignored it. Her skin was tingling with excitement as he moved above her. With each breath, she could feel the sharp air pinching and nipping at her bare skin. Goose bumps had long since risen upon her flawless skin.
Normally Rin would be blushing brightly with shame and embarrassment of lying upon the ground in the middle of the night, completely naked.
Luckily, in the world of dreams, modesty is not an option. So she lay there, completely still. The only sounds were her breathing and his movements.
His own skin was so hot against hers and his lips moved expertly across her throat.
She pressed against him as he began to playfully nip her skin. Though just recently, she had lain so close to him that she could feel his hot breath; now his breath was cool and crisp, much like the breezes blowing about them.
She looked up to him, his golden eyes catching hers.
There was a sort of blankness to them that scared her. It was as if he weren't there, just the shell of him.
But oh, she could still feel him.
Her pulse quickened as he moved between her legs. His eyes turned to her and she whimpered his name. He smirked slightly and began to work his way down her torso.
Never had she thought she'd give herself so freely, so easily. Perhaps it was because she loved him, but still. This was so unlike her and he was acting so unlike himself as well.
She grasped his shoulders, then recoiled suddenly when she realized that he had an arm on his left side. "Your...your arm?" she questioned amidst the onslaught of pleasure about her.
Sesshomaru did not reply, but simply pushed against her, his body so very smooth against hers, his skin was like the finest silk. She groaned as she forgot about the renewed appendage and began to grind herself against his pelvis. She could hear him moaning in her ear and it pleased her.
Her heart began to race as he pressed against her. He easily slid in and she bucked off the ground, pressing harder into him.
She was curious for only a moment as to why the pain of a woman's first time was absent.
He dipped his head down to kiss her fully. His lips were so soft, and yet, they were deathly cold. She felt his tongue sliding within her lips, and it too, was repulsively cool.
Rin immediately jerked her head away, letting out a small whimper as she shut her eyes.
She felt him still and she opened her eyes to find him staring at her...but it wasn't him...it was Roiyaru now.
She rose up, covering her hands over herself quickly and bringing her legs up to her body. "Roiyaru!" she cried out, glaring at him angrily. She could feel a deep blush spreading over her cheeks as she stared, wide eyed at him.
He rose up, somehow fully clothed, and stood above her with cold eyes. His dark eyes seemed to pierce hers with pain and sorrow...betrayal.
She never felt so filthy before.
"Please, let me explain," she whispered between short gasps as tears began to rack her body. She had never seen Roiyaru look at her in such a disapproving manner. What was she thinking?
Suddenly, above her, the dark sky was beginning to slowly fall upon her, sinking down onto the earth.
She could feel it pressing down upon her, making her stomach twist and turn.
With a sudden, loud gasp, the air escaped from her lungs. Her mouth opened and closed, trying to bring in air, but none came. Her eyes were stinging and she could feel her heart hammering in the chest as she felt herself becoming light headed. Panic was spreading over her just as rapidly as her heartbeat.
She felt so very helpless, so alone.
All of the sudden, she looked up to find Sesshomaru, dressed as usual, standing above her. The darkness seemed to simply pass around him.
He was speaking to her, and yet she heard nothing. She only watched in vain as his lips moved to form words unknown to her. He seemed to be himself now, stoic and calm.
And it was his eyes that gave him away.
His golden eyes were full of life once again and as she felt her lungs burning,threatening to burst,with the lack of oxygen, he held out a hand to her.
It was then that she woke up.
>
The rain beat against him, stinging his eyes and making his cheeks flush red, though it did cool his heated skin. His blood was still boiling from the quick fight with his brother and he knew that once he found the humans responsible for shortening his long awaited fight with his brother, he was going to slay them without a second thought.
It was now late into the night and he could feel the cool temperatures around him.
His silvery bangs were flat against his forehead, but he could care less what his hair looked like. An anger was fueling through him towards humans so violent, that he had rarely ever felt it this strong before.
For the first time in years he had found his brother, a great opponent and now he had to escape to defend land from the pathetic creatures before they tore it up too badly.
Behind him, Jaken was chasing him tiredly. Sesshomaru knew he should stop out of pity for the toad, but he felt some anger towards him as well. If it hadn't been for Jaken, he may have killed that little mutt Inuyasha called a son. That would have definitely got his brother going...
The children were a good mix of their parents, though they lacked several of Inuyasha's traits, such as silver hair or dog ears. Sesshomaru thought that the absence of dog ears were a good thing for the children.
He still found it hard to believe that his brother had had children with the human girl. It was odd to say the least, to him.
The children both carried the scent of youkai within their blood, but human blood overpowered it easily. The only sign that they had any youkai blood within them was from either the baby's eyes or the way the older son bowed up against Sesshomaru. No mortal child would do so without a second thought as he had.
Why have children?
They were whiny, weak and constantly in need of protection.
Sesshomaru faintly remembered his childhood and he knew that he had been an exception. Since the day of his birth, he had been alone. Only on a few occasions did he have his father's guidance.
It did not bother him at all. He was, as said many times before, quite content with being by himself.
He could hear the constant panting of Jaken behind him and decided to slow his pace just a bit.
"Thank...thank...you," he heard Jaken sputtered.
The thought of children bothered him terribly. He knew that someday, he too, would have to reproduce, but only for the sake of his possessions. The child would be merely insurance, so that if he were to die somehow, someone would take over his spot as Lord of the Western Lands.
With having children, came a mate.
Sesshomaru frowned as Rin popped into his thoughts at the mere thought of it.
'It's too late now, she's getting married in a few weeks.'
Why worry about her marrying? She were only a child in his eyes.
He had known her since she were a little girl and to think of her in such a way would be wrong, wouldn't it?
He had never truly announced his position as father for the girl though, and he never heard her call him father either. He had simply been her guardian.
And he had always protected her from terrible things. This marriage, he could tell, was somewhat unwanted.
Or at least he hoped.
A soft trace of her scent was still upon his clothes, but he could easily ignore it now through the rain.
Still, it was the simple thought of another man that troubled him and thus, confused him so.
Jealousy was burning deeper within him then he'd allow himself to realize. It was fueling much of his aggressions at the moment, but his pride and denial were the only things standing in the way of realizing it.
Instead he'd much rather be quiet and emotionless about the entire matter. To bottle up whatever he may be feeling, to force it aside and deal with it years later was much more appealing then actually expressing it.
As the thunder rolled slowly around him, making his pulse quicken and his eyes narrow, he took off at his normal pace once again, turning into nothing but a mere white blur.
>
She awoke with a jerk, lying on her side.
Her eyes opened wide and she could feel her heart racing. Her entire body seemed to be trembling and her breathing was just as rushed as it had been in the dream.
She slowly sat up, glancing about her as the four other daughters of Lord Kisho slept. The storm seemed to be dying away and the girls seemed to be drifting into the deepest of sleeps.
'What was that?' she asked herself, pulling her knees to her chest with clammy hands. She tilted her chin to rest upon her knees as she closed her eyes, trying to explain to herself what her dream had meant.
The cool, crisp scent of fresh rain was drifting in on the night's chilly breeze, causing Rin to cower back under her covers.
She could still feel his hands upon her, still hear his breathing within her ears. She could still taste how vile his kiss had been.
Had it be Sesshomaru or Roiyaru who kissed her?
Why was it only Sesshomaru who attempted to save her and why, only when dying, did he come back to the real,alive youkai she knew and loved?
It had all been so rushed and fuzzy that it felt as if someone had told her a quick story and left her to fill in the missing pieces.
"Rin? You okay?" came a groggy voice.
Rin rolled over to face Ami, one of the youngest daughters. Her round, rosy cheeks seemed to glow in the darkness of the room, her ebony hair straggled and mussed.
"Yes, just a bad dream."
The girl nodded, blinking slowly before her beady eyes shut for good.
Rin rolled away from her and back onto her other side, letting out a sigh as her brain tried its damndest to figure out the inter workings of the dream.
>
His cerulean eyes stared restlessly out into the violent storm.
He jerked his head to the side, causing his bangs to fall out ofhis view.
His hands gripped the windowsill tightly, his brow furrowed into a deep scowl as his thoughts grew heavier and heavier.
Though his heart should be light and content with the bright future laid out before him, something was not right.
Yes, he was to marry the prettiest girl in all of northern Japan and with this marriage, he would inherit acres and acres of land. Yet, something was wrong.
Rin had said that she felt the same, but she had not specified completely.
He was no fool, though when around her, he became somewhat dumbstruck. He could tell that there were hidden meanings behind nearly everything she said. Her eyes were always blank, closed off to him. Even before they had become engaged, though she seemed happier then, she had always been very mysterious, reserved.
The thought of her fleeting happiness bothered him, but he tried not to dwell upon it.
He rolled his head about leisurely, thinking deeply.
She only let him know little bits of information at a time. She never gave the full story, nor did she allow too much of her personality to shine through.
And this is what had captivated him.
The mystery, the shyness, the gentle modesty she held. She was so much more than just another beauty, she was just...just...just...
"Argh!" he groaned out into the night.
She was all he thought of. He felt only for her.
Every breath was for her, every sigh, every heartbeat...it was all for her.
"Lord Roiyaru, is everything alright?" asked a small, middle aged woman, clutching her kimono to her tightly as she tried to shake sleep from her features. She had seemed to pop out of nowhere.
Roiyaru turned and nodded. "Yes, everything's fine."
>
"Rin?"
She rolled back over and sat up at the sight of Lady Adzumi, despite how her body pleaded with her to simply fall back asleep.
Lady Adzumi's raven mane was down, unlike her usual, tightly pulled back bun. Rin could see the faint traces of age around the woman's eyes and lips, but she was still in her age, a beauty to behold.
"I'm sorry if I awoke you," she whispered, glancing quickly about her other daughters.
Rin shook her head. "No, I woke up a little while ago because of the storm."
The woman nodded and signaled for Rin to step into the hall. Rin quickly got up, stepping over the girls and headed out into the dark, cool hallway.
"My husband has just sent me a letter from the Western Lands. He wishes to conquer them," she said it almost immediately after Rin slid the door shut behind her.
Rin gasped, clutching her hands to her chest. "Lord Sesshomaru is the lord of those lands! Lord Kisho will be killed if he tries to conquer them!" she replied quickly, her eyes wide with fear.
Lady Adzumi nodded, her eyes suddenly teary.
"I know, I know. When I met that man, I knew he was powerful," she replied lamely.
Rin stepped forward and embraced the woman she now called mother.
"Just send him a message back," she whispered.
Lady Adzumi nodded. "I already have. He's never listened to me before though when it came to matters outside of the village, so I don't see why he would now."
Rin nodded, becoming silent in thought.
"What if Roiyaru went out and stopped him?" she asked lightly.
Lady Adzumi looked up to Rin and shook her head. "No dear, you do not wish to send off a young man you love to war before you even get the chance to marry." She took a deep breath and wiped away her small tears.
The word 'war' disturbed Rin more than she realized.
She placed a fake smile upon her face rather suddenly and turned to Rin. "Don't worry about Lord Kisho, m'dear. He promised me that he did not wish to miss the wedding of his most favored daughter. It is after all, only four weeks away."
Rin nodded, her smile just as, if not more, fake as Lady Adzumi's.
"But, it wouldn't hurt to pray for his safe return," added Lady Adzumi cheerfully, her sadness filtering through her dark eyes.
Rin nodded again, before embracing the older woman one more time.
"Once Lord Sesshomaru hears that Lord Kisho is the lord of my home, he will stop. I promise you. He isn't that cold blooded, I know him," Rin added optimistically.
Lady Adzumi backed away, heading back down the hall to her room. She turned and her eyes locked with Rin's. "I wish I could believe that dear," she paused then added, "I honestly do want to believe."
Rin watched as she slipped into the dark shadows down the hallway, leaving Rin in silence, except for the storm outside. She turned reluctantly and headed back inside, where the four sisters were already back to sleep.
She walked with soft footsteps, stepping lightly overeach roundhill of girl. She reached thenearest windowand leaned upon it, resting her chin upon a soft palm.
The chocolate marble hues of her eyes ignited with each flash of lighting as she stared out against the night. The cracks of thunder were growing more distant with each minute and the soft scent of rain was drifting up to meet her.
She said not a word and her face seemed somewhat content. Yet within, a terrible storm was billowing, much more violent and dark than the one blowing away from her.
She knew that Lord Sesshomaru, in the odd state that he was in, may feel no remorse at all for killing her new guardian, especially if that man were dishonoring his land.
Would he do it just to spite her?
She doubted that, for he seemed not to care that she were marrying another man. He had seemed so blank and carefree that she wondered if he were hiding his true feelings.
That small hope continued to flicker within her heart, though her mind continually tried to blow that light out.
She tried to ignore the memories of her dream only moments ago as well, though the odd bizarreness to it continued to trickle into her thoughts. Was it just simply, a weird dream or much more?
She let out another small sigh.
She knew that in four weeks, she would marry Roiyaru. She did not need Lady Adzumi counting the days down for her. She also knew just as well that Sesshomaru would not show up.
'But what if he does?' her heart would quip.
It were thoughts like these that kept her heart and thoughts heavy.
When Roiyaru had left, he had kissed her upon the cheek with words of warning and whispers of love.
Though most women should be thrilled to hear such words, she did not desire them. Not from him anyway.
She was slowly accepting her fate. Even if it were an unwanted fate, it was just simply what was to be.
The designs for her wedding kimono had been made and would be finished a week before the wedding. It was going to be a beautiful gown, full of silks, satins and so elegant that she wanted only one man to see her in it.
On any other occasion she would be thrilled at the idea of such a fine garment. Now it was only another dark symbol, reminding her of that eternal promise she would make to Roiyaru.
Another weighted thought was that of Lord Kisho.
The man had been so kind and loving to Rin. He had become the father she lost and never hesitated in giving her anything she wanted. He was a kind, warm hearted man that only thought of others. It were probably the thought of his new union with the Lord Jiro, Roiyaru's father, that had him now wishing to conquer the Western Lands.
Rin thought it foolish. There were no need to impress Lord Jiro. He was a pompous man and she knew that he thought Roiyaru was marrying down, even if he had told her she was, by far, the most beautiful maiden in all of Japan. She knew that if Jiro were to disapprove of the wedding, it would not stop Roiyaru from it...though she did wish he were a pushover in that matter.
Rin pushed away from the windowsill and glanced to the slumbering girls behind her. They all looked rather peaceful in their state and Rin decided to join them.
She slowly crept back, under her covers and fell asleep almost instantly after saying a quick prayer for Lord Kisho and a soft plea for Lord Sesshomaru.
>
A/n: Okay, just kind of a "filler" chapter. The next one will be more stuff happening and all that jazz. I know its startin' to drag, but in the next chapter everything's gonna start being put in motion...confusing, I know...lol. And yet, once again, I am uneasy about this chapter. Please bare with me! I love you guys! You rock! See ya