Nikki's mind had been turning matters over in the back of her mind about Barbara's forthcoming trial from the moment that she arrived at Larkhall. She realized that her role would be to sit on the sidelines. She was pleased that a wealth of expertise was being drawn in to buttress Barbara's case as solidly as it could be. She was highly impressed by the very real intellectual presence of the attractively cultured American accent of Kay Scarpetta. Nikki was no automatic respecter of high flown inflated titles but even the obviously distracted Jo's casually tossed aside description of Kay as a chief medical examiner with a law degree told Nikki that Kay was someone quite out of the ordinary.
Once the combined talents of Jo and George were engaged to battle it out in court, Nikki had no obvious role except to take a keen and active interest in Barbara's case and her welfare. She was wing governor after all and she had both the power and the authority to see that while Barbara was in her care, that she would be properly looked after and that the likes of Di and Sylvia were kept at arms length. After all, if she had not fallen in love with Helen, she could quite legitimately have done the same for her. It was only after having settled into Helen's old job that that happy realization came to her after all this time. Sometimes, you have to actually be in the situation to be finally and fully aware.
There was a difference between her and the other awesomely and professionally qualified women who were helping Barbara and that was that she knew Barbara of old. Sharing a cell all those months meant that assumed attitudes and polite social fronts went right out of the window. Added to that, you were thrust into an environment where, with the best prison officers' will in the world, events happened which might be a close kept secret from officialdom for years, if not forever. Nikki's musings over history led her effortlessly to the vision of that other written historical record which she had overlooked, Barbara's diaries. You have to start to look for something in order to find it, Nikki smiled to herself. This is where she came into the picture.
"Barbara, can I have a quiet word with you if it's convenient." Nikki's soft polite voice reached the ears of the other woman while she was chatting to the Julies.
"Sure Nikki," answered Julie Saunders for the other two. "We'll soon catch up with you later"
The raised eyebrows were answered by Nikki's short nod when Barbara led the way to her cell. Nikki was about to reach for a cigarette to make her feel relaxed when she remembered just in time. It was a curious thing that every single friend of hers was a smoker with the exception of Barbara and John. After that conference, she ceased to think of him as purely the judge.
"The reason I wanted to have a quiet word with you was that I remembered about the diaries that you used to write when we shared a cell. I can still remember lying in my bunk and hearing you talk about them. You said you'd always kept a diary so that you could clear your thoughts if I remember rightly"
"Goodness. That takes me back a long way. I'd forgotten about those set of diaries"
"You were intending to have them published to show up the prison system as it was," Pursued Nikki in a leisurely fashion.
"You know what it's like, Nikki," Barbara smiled uneasily. "You couldn't get away from the injustices in this place. They haunted you day and night"
"And when you were released"
"I had every intention of getting them published but it was different out of prison. I married Henry and I had so much of a new life opening up for me that everything before then was unreal, God forgive me"
Nikki laid a friendly hand on her shoulder as Barbara broke down and reached for her handkerchief to mop up the tears that she had bottled up. Nikki instantly regretted the tack she had chosen. She knew in her own mind how she was going to approach the topic but had forgotten that Barbara wouldn't be aware of this line of conversation. She cut
to the chase at once as soon as Barbara had recovered.
"You weren't thinking of getting them published, were you Nikki?" she asked, slightly nervously.
"That would give weight to Neil Grayling's political enemies. They would have a field day of it. The reason why Karen and I can sleep more or less easy at nights is because he keeps the 'hang them and flog them brigade' off our backs. Our cards are probably marked after that conference we went to. Much though I would like to see certain individuals publicly pilloried for what they did or didn't do, it just isn't worth the backlash. No, my reason for being interested in your diaries concerns you and you alone.
The reason why I'm asking isn't for a stroll down memory lane but in particular if you kept up your diary writing up to date"
"Well, you don't have to be worried, Nikki," Barbara replied with a grin.
"I was thinking if you kept up your diary while Henry was ill. It might be useful evidence for the trial"
Barbara stared as the force of Nikki's quiet words struck home. Of course, she had kept up her diary. In happier times when Henry was well, the mood was soft and relaxed and basking in her feelings of utter content but during Henry's illness, it was that tiny fraction of time that she could leave to herself, usually written while Henry was semi dozing and quiet.
"I did keep the diary, come to think of it. Writing it was my only link with sanity"
"Can you remember what you wrote in it with any accuracy?" Nikki asked gently.
Barbara shook her head. Writing the diary was a form of therapy to keep at bay black feelings of despair, which had threatened to overwhelm her. She had been brought up to ideas of bearing adversity with Christian fortitude and that despair was the ultimate capitulation that you should never make. It was a touch and go affair when Henry's sufferings were at their height. It was a tall order to now recall what she had written day by day. A part of her didn't want to remember.
"Would it be easily available?" Nikki asked slightly more sharply. What did concern her was if it had fallen into the wrong hands. As far as Nikki knew, they had no immediate next of kin that were sympathetically inclined, certainly not her stepchildren.
"Good heavens. I hadn't thought of that." Barbara
Nikki reached for her mobile. The one person she recalled who had fetched some clothes and personal things in was Yvonne. She was also the one to turn to in a matter like this.
"Hi, it's Nikki. I was wondering if you could do Barbara and I a small favour?" Nikki started to say.
"So long as it is legit. You know me these days," Teased Yvonne.
If Yvonne was in the same room, she would have thrown a cushion at her, Nikki sighed impatiently, as she carried on in controlled tones.
"I'll get to the point. You know when you fetched some of Barbara's clothes"
"Yeah"
"Would you be able to go back and lay hold of Barbara's diaries? I'm only asking because of a particular diary that she kept before Henry died. It might contain evidence of Barbara's state of mind that could be produced in court if necessary. We want to ensure that it doesn't fall into the wrong hands and gets sat on or misused against her"
Yvonne's smile widened. She had been ahead of the game. She had had the coolness and presence of mind to look carefully round the vicarage and had methodically picked out what Barbara might need. As an afterthought, the words 'Barbara' and 'diary' had jumped out of her capacious database of a memory and with practiced accuracy, located exactly where Barbara might keep a diary and had laid hold of it. The plods had worked in their time honoured uninspired Inspector Lestrade fashion and a bit of Yvonne Atkins' past accomplishments were used to a purely good purpose.
"As we speak, Nikki,"Yvonne responded with intolerable smugness." It is in safe custody in my house, which is safer than your average nick. I shall do whatever Babs wants doing with it"
"Thank Christ for that. Hang on while I talk to Barbara"
"I was thinking that it would be a good idea if Jo and George had sight of the diary to check out if they think it is a good idea for that to be produced in evidence in court. If they don't think so, then it can be returned to Yvonne's charge. Of course, you have seen enough of courts to know what that means," Nikki concluded gently.
"I rely on their judgment," Barbara responded promptly.
"Yvonne, you cling onto it and wait to hear about it. I'll talk later"
"You top executives know how to live, Nikki," Was Yvonne's parting shot and Nikki stuck her tongue out at the silent mobile.
Just then, there was a loud rap at the door. It was Di.
"We were looking everywhere for you, Nikki," Di said with limpid eyes. "Miss Betts was looking for you. You might have left word where you're going. There's only so many of us here"
Don't rise to her, Nikki thought to herself. Just smile sweetly and don't let her have the satisfaction that she's got to you. She got to her feet and lounged against the cell wall.
"Your concern for my welfare is touching, Di. I ought to make a note of it when you come up for your annual report. Anyway, gotta go, Barbara."