Yvonne really didn't want to make that particular phone call to Roisin but it had to be done.
Her hand hesitated at picking up the rather ornate phone in the living room and she took a sip of the glass of wine instead. This wasn't exactly Dutch Courage but she really didn't want to make the call, not even to either of her two old friends. Of course, they all had busy lives these days, that internal voice wouldn't let her off the hook as easily as that. Of course Cassie and Roisin were engrossed with their children at the age when kids want them for one hundred and one different reasons, from taking them to one of those new multiplex cinemas to helping them out with their homework. She had enough on her hands, discreetly watching over Lauren as she intermingled her daytime job with her therapy sessions, the combination of which kept her on the alert. Never assume that kids are adaptable, she said to herself. She had made enough of a mistake when Lauren and, yes she had to say the name, Ritchie, were growing up. Quality time was one of those bollocks words that, to Yvonne's questioning, skeptical mind, were as airy-fairy as you can get. All that meant was that you thought too bloody much about your own life and let too much go by so that you couldn't see your own kid's troubles until they hit you over the bleeding head.
She reproached herself for this when she remembered the times when they were all banged up together. Even with all the shit that went down in their lives at Larkhall, they always found time for each other. From early morning unlock to the cell door slammed shut at night, the pressure was on, in their heads, in the restrictions on even the most natural human functions and that never totally suppressed awareness of what they were missing on the outside. It also bound them together, Yvonne cursed herself bitterly, and meant that, outside the periods of tedious boredom, she was more intensely involved in the lives of her fellow prisoners, than any group of people she had been around. Charlie's mates were nothing like that. It was as if she saw them through the wrong end of a telescope as she laughed at all their stale jokes, so many times told which didn't improve with repetition.
It wasn't like that these days. Oh, she had her Lauren whom she watched over in her maternal fashion but that wasn't the same. At times like these, her morose brooding made her feel that life felt as flat as last night's leftover's glass of wine. She stared for several minutes out of the window as her mind faded into blankness. Outside, the wind was whipping past her house and blowing from the branches what remained of the leaves of the trees at the bottom of the garden. That time of the season was starting to bind her inside the house once again.
What was that shape that hovered at the edges of her vision, she lazily wondered. Only the phone, she concluded and a sharp arrow of fear pierced through her. It was the train of thought having come round full circle that she had started off when she had first poured the glass of wine in terms of minutes ago beyond measure.
Sure, she reminded herself that she had made the round of calls when the news first broke from a phone call out of the blue from Barbara. She had done what needed doing that day in making the scattering of phone calls to all those nearest and dearest to Barbara. Because Barbara was not close to any of Henry's family (nor Peter's come to that) it meant that most of Barbara's friends were hers. It was only when she got to talk to Barbara's friends from the church that she was on foreign territory but she persevered right through the list that Barbara had given her. It was no more than she expected of herself. True, she had also offered to front the legal bill and had gone with George to talk to Barbara about the trial. She'd even persuaded Barbara to accept George's help but that was a week ago. Since then, she's slipped back into her old routine.
"Come on, get a grip on yourself," She muttered into her glass of wine before she laid it on one side and, discarding the thought to reach for a cigarette, her other emotional prop, her hand found the phone.
"Yvonne, how lovely to hear from you. Cassie and I were talking about you only the other evening. It's really good to hear the sound of your voice"
Bless her, Yvonne thought, tears pricking at her eyes. She found it easier than ever these days for her emotions to come to the surface. She hadn't always been allowed to act or feel this way.
'I must have some bleeding use these days," She replied in her tough self-deprecating way before a brief coughing bout interrupted what she had to say. Somehow, she had climbed out of the pit of self-recrimination and her business head was back on her shoulders.
"I really want to see you but it's a bit of business as well. I hate to mention it but someone's got to sort out Henry's funeral"
"…And it might as well be us, Yvonne"
Quick on the uptake, Roisin, Yvonne judged.
"Something like that"
"So what do you think we should do? Come over here and we'll go and see Barbara"
"I'll be over as soon as."
It was as easy as that.
In no time at all, Yvonne and Roisin were bowling along in Yvonne's car to Larkhall.
"It's a school inset day," Laughed Roisin. "Michael and Niamh have been planning to spend the day with friends of theirs and, while the teachers are busy on some training scheme, it left me free for today to rattle round the house for a change. Somehow it feels really strange"
"Count yourself lucky, Roisin. I've always loved my kids being around but when Lauren and Ritchie buggered off somewhere when they grew older, I got to like having time for myself. It's just that I get too much of a good thing these days"
"So, I'm glad I've helped"
Yvonne grinned and steadied the car to power its way along the many miles again to Larkhall.
"Humph, so it's you again," Bodybag glowered at her old enemy. "…..and Connor back again, another ex- criminal. I never understood why Grayling was soft headed to let you out of here together with Tyler"
"Saving a fellow human being's life wasn't it? You know, I never got to hear what you were doing at the time of the fire"
Bodybag reddened a little while Yvonne grinned at the way Roisin promptly retaliated accompanied by her sweetest smile. She had never been cool and calm in any crisis, being far too inclined to stomp round the place if she felt she was in a position of power or to flap around like a wet hen if the situation were beyond her.
"Let's be having you. I've got a job to do which doesn't mean having you two under my feet"
"Sounds like old times eh, Roisin," Yvonne retorted cheerfully and grinned at Gina who came to greet them while Bodybag slunk off in the opposite direction.
Barbara came into view towards the back of the dimly lit, cavernous room. She raised her hand to attract their attention and both women threaded their way through the crowd. She was especially pleased to have Roisin's company as well as Yvonne's. A stream of conversation flowed between the three of them while they had time. It was spontaneous and Yvonne gave into the pleasure of seeing her old friend and saying what came natural to her. A little warning voice prompted her to interrupt the flow of words.
"There is another reason why Roisin's come along for the ride. It ain't just to pass the time of day"
" I guessed so," came the polite reply as Barbara's smile faded slightly at what instinct told her was coming. It had to happen, a fatalistic side of her whispered in her mind.
"I ain't sure how to put it into words, like, but Roisin and I volunteered, if you wish
it and only as if there ain't someone better, to make the necessary arrangements for Henry's funeral"
Even at a moment like that, Barbara registered the way that Yvonne's words changed from the unusually convoluted to the artificial. It showed her extreme nervousness about the matter. It was all too close to home.
"It's kind of you to offer, Yvonne. I know that you've been through this sort of thing before"
"…….I ain't that much up on vicars and praying….." muttered Yvonne under her breath.
"Yvonne and I'll do everything the way you want to, that you can be sure of," Reassured Roisin eagerly.
"Of course, I've been used to talking to parishioners coming round late while Henry…….." Barbara started to say as automatic habit took over. She promptly shut up as she remembered that her life being with Henry had ended with a brutal full stop.
"You can't do it by yourself while you're in here. You know that Barbara. You need others to help you out," Pursued Roisin gently but more definitely.
Barbara felt resentful about her present lot in life, which a part of her still fought against, but she could see the pleading look in Roisin's eyes not to shut them out. She saw that Yvonne was more poker faced about the matter but realized that she was the more uncomfortable of the two of them. It was only two years ago that her own dear Henry had conducted the funeral for Yvonne's own son, Ritchie and she had played the organ.
So much had changed since then but she knew only too well that the hurt that Yvonne had felt would have only been covered up, not fully healed. She could not be unchristian in being preoccupied with her grief and just do nothing. The boot was well and truly on the other foot now .She finally faced what she knew would come to pass and started to give a mental once over to what she knew was involved. Barbara finally agreed to the inevitable but she could tell that Yvonne was really nervous and laid her hand on the other woman's.
"Yvonne, I want to entrust this to you and Roisin. I know you'll find the strength to do it"
Yvonne sat back in her chair, incredibly touched at Barbara's simple faith in her. Her time inside had taught her that there was no time for arid polite gestures, least of all between those who had both done time being locked up here.
"Hey, Babs, I don't mind admitting that I ain't used to looking in the classified section in the phone book to find a vicar to say prayers. Even if I do try lucky dip, I'm nervous about talking to some stranger as I'm still known in the outside world for fixing up for a hit man. You don't think that some posh vicar will be put off by the Atkins name."
Barbara and Roisin laughed gently at Yvonne's apparent awkwardness. Roisin glanced sideways at Yvonne and rather suspected that this was Yvonne's very generous way of lightening up an awkward situation at her expense.
"Henry was a well respected member of the cloth. There are any number of his former colleagues who would be proud to help out or point you to who should do it, especially if a friend of the family asks. There's an old boy's network in the clergy but in a good cause."
"Do you want me to pick out some suitable hymns?" Roisin offered helpfully.
Barbara looked dazed. This was something that she was used to being presented to her and thumbing through the well-worn music book at the pages, which fell open at the right page. She had never had to think about this before. She eventually found words to buy time to think.
"Let me think over what Henry would have wanted"
"Is there anyone you would want at the funeral that none of us know"
Barbara thought long and hard and realized that she could only think of a few friends from their church local that she would want to go out of her way to invite. Yvonne thoughtfully passed a pen and notepad to Barbara to write down a list of names and phone numbers. A notice in the church would suffice for the rest. She had pinned this on the green baize rectangle so many times in the past out of sheer instinct for other funerals but, this time, it gave her a very unreal feeling that she was planning her own.
"What will I wear?" Barbara suddenly found voice after a few minutes of contemplation.
"I'll bring in what you want and the Julies will sort you out with a makeover. They'll look after you on the inside along with Karen and Nikki while the rest of us on the outside look after you. All of us will be thinking of you. Don't ever get the idea that you're on your own"
Yvonne's definite voice shook slightly with emotion. This visit gave her a purpose in life once more.