With Or Without You
A/n: Hi guys! Back again with another chapter! ACTs are coming up, so updates are probably gonna be slow like this for awhile. This chapter's kind of short, but believe me, ya'll are gonna love the next one. Well...here you go!
Chapter Seventeen
Wonderful
>
She sat there, watching him carefully. His eyes did not flicker nor waver from staring into hers. He simply looked upon in her silence.
In some ways, it did not surprise him that she didn't love Roiyaru. Marriages were rarely based upon love. The same for youkai and mates. One would simply choose a mate that was most compatible with them both in status and strength. It brought strong offspring.
He watched her continued to hold his stare without fear. It impressed him and comforted him at the same time. Her big brown eyes were a golden honey in the firelight, full of life and youth.
"But he did love me...very much so," she continued quietly.
A shadow of guilt crossed her features and Rin gulped. She still felt badly about leading Roiyaru on for so long, however; it would have been much more worse to live with him, letting him think she adored him for the rest of his life.
Sesshomaru cocked an ebony brow. He was no fool. He knew that the mortal was smitten with Rin. What mortal man wouldn't be? By human standards, she was gorgeous.
"Why didn't you love him?" asked Sesshomaru softly.
She looked up, her eyes narrowing.
The question surprised her to say the least. Never would she have expected him to ask such a thing. She twisted her hands together roughly, the ever present sound of the pit-pattering rain echoing within her ears.
Beside her Jaken shifted in his sleep, emitting a soft snort before settling once more.
Sesshomaru wondered why the question was so difficult to answer. He could see her milling over her words, choosing them carefully. He felt his heart racing and wondered if it was his or her heart that he heard beating so loudly.
She looked back up, cheeks glowing brightly with a new blush upon them.
She wanted to cry out "Because I'm head over heels in love with you, Lord Sesshomaru!"
And yet, her shyness held her back.
She bit her lower lip and shrugged in an almost defeated gesture.
"I'm not sure," was her lame reply.
Sesshomaru felt his heart's pace resume it's steady beat and let out an inaudible sigh.
Rin bit back tears, pulling her knees to her chest as she heard Sesshomaru rise. He said nothing to her, but simply walked to the edge of the cave.
Rin watched him carefully, her heart aching.
He paused only a moment before he stepped out into the rain and out of her view.
"Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" she whimpered out quietly, banging her head softly against her knees with each word. Tears began to sting against her eyes as she cried into her knees, holding them tightly against her chest.
She was so frustrated, both physically and emotionally.
'Why? Why didn't I tell him? He was actually curious! He wanted to know everything and I shut him out!' she thought to herself.
In his actions, leaving the cave, she wondered if he was disappointed. She had had the chance to prove to him once and for all that she was an adult. That she was capable of admitting how she felt and what she had been thinking for so long.
She looked back up to the cave's entrance for him to suddenly reappear, and yet she knew he wouldn't. As a child he had often gone off for hours at time just to think.
'He'll be back though, he always comes back.'
>
Outside, standing in the rain, Sesshomaru fought himself. The cool air brought comfort to his heated skin and the chilling rain washed away his expression, yet nothing could cool the desire within him. Nothing could stop him from feeling something aching deep within him.
Inside the cave, he could hear nothing.
He wanted to rip away his heart and throw it at Rin for making him feel such things, but something inside him was curious. These emotions were new and strange for the youkai. Never had he experienced these feelings. He had assumed that should she return to him, the emotions would cease to exist, but they seemed to flare up with her presence.
'You could always take her back to the village,' chimed something within him.
The idea disturbed him more than anything.
She had said she did not want to marry Roiyaru, and yet, she seemed to have no reason for returning to Sesshomaru, other than her need to flee the village.
"Damn it," he growled bitterly, his teeth grinding as he looked up to the sky.
>
Rin sniffled slightly, now laying upon her side as the fires slowly faded away to nothing but glowing embers.
Jaken was still snoring feet away. She saw that he had eaten the remaining mushrooms, or Sesshomaru had, unlikely.
Her stomach was growling with hunger, but she easily ignored it as she tried to coax herself back to sleep. She had grown accustomed to being fed well everyday. She had long since forgotten the pains of living with Sesshomaru. You were to fend for yourself. You looked out for danger and should you encounter anything, then you'd call upon Sesshomaru for help.
'But I'm not a little girl anymore,' she thought sadly.
It had been a good hour or two since Sesshomaru had left. Her tears had finally stopped a few minutes ago, yet she could still feel the dull pain within her.
Before she had realized her feelings for him, Sesshomaru had been just a reoccuring memory. Roiyaru had been her man, but then again, why didn't she obsess over Roiyaru as she did Sesshomaru?
Every thought was not dedicated to Roiyaru, no. She had been preoccupied with her life. Then Sesshomaru blazed in and ruined it all.
'But would you trade it, so that you could go back to how it was before?' she asked herself silently.
She knew the answer was no. She couldn't be happier being with Lord Sesshomaru once again. Master Jaken had always been a true companion to her. She couldn't ever imagine loosing them again. She knew that she could only be truly happy once she confessed her feelings.
With determination pulsing through her, she made a decision.
She would tell Lord Sesshomaru her feelings. It was the only way to cure this heartache. If she didn't, then all the pain she had caused Roiyaru would have been in vain. If she didn't tell him, then leaving her home would have been pointless. She could pine for him either here or at home, it didn't matter, unless she told him how she felt.
Besides, hadn't that been the whole reason why she wished to see him once again? Just so she could tell him of her true feelings?
The worst he could do would be rejecting her, and even then, she had a feeling he would still allow her to travel with him.
With a soft sigh, she closed her eyes and began to determine how to tell him.
>
Sesshomaru headed back towards the cave as the sun began to brighten the horizon. Dawn was soon approaching, and the forest around him was awaking. He wondered if Rin was still awake. He doubted it.
As he entered the cave, he saw her lying upon her side, facing the dying fire. Her eyes were shut, but her cheeks were tear stained and he frowned. 'What was she crying about?'
The soft scent of salt was about the air, yet it was fading. She had been crying before she had fallen asleep.
He settled back down opposite her, watching her sleep.
Innocent.
It was the only word he could think of to describe her appearance at the moment.
Her hands were tucked gently against her chest, her lips parted slightly as she continued to slumber.
He glanced away, poking at the fire with a stick absently.
Soon Jaken would be awake and his constant babbling would wake up Rin. Sesshomaru didn't really want to touch her. He didn't understand what this need was to be with her, and he knew, should he touch her, he may snap.
"Sesshomaru..."
His eyes shot up and he looked upon her with intense orbs of gold. She was frowning slightly, now turning on her back. She whimpered slightly, licking at her lips soon after.
Sesshomaru couldn't take his eyes off of her.
She was dreaming of him.
She whimpered once again, now breathing just a bit heavier than she had been earlier. It was not the slow, steady pace of a slumbering person. No, something was happening to her in her dreams. Her frown deepened and then, a soft, deliciously sweet scent reached his senses.
He grew rigid, eyes somewhat wide. He glanced to Jaken, wondering if the other youkai could sense it. By the way he continued to snore, even more loudly than before, he knew he didn't.
Sesshomaru looked back to her, sniffing the air slightly.
There was no mistaking it. He knew that scent. It tugged and pulled at him like it had never done before. His skin was now blazing hot underneath the layers of clothing he wore. That delicate scent of her desire...It was light, but it was there.
By the way she was whimpering, by the expression upon her face, he knew his senses were not toying with him.
He had been approached by many female youkai in heat, practically bleating, begging for him to release them from such torment. He had never helped them. They were weak for seeking him out so, and their scents were never as sweet and tantalizing as hers was.
"Sesshomaru, please," she whispered gently, moving slightly.
He held back the beast within him as she called out to him. Never had he seen such a display as this. And Rin was the last person on earth he'd expect to see, writhing and crying out in her sleep for him.
Sesshomaru swallowed, looking away from her as the sun began to creep alongside the cave's walls.
He looked down to Jaken who was now slowly stirring from sleep.
He turned back to Rin as she seemed to be calming down.
"G'morning Lord Sesshomaru," muttered Jaken, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
He looked to his lord and was surprised at how dilated and wide his eyes were. He looked to Rin. She appeared to be fast asleep.
"Something the matter, m'lord?" Jaken asked quietly.
Sesshomaru turned away from him, staring back at the wall as he had done the night before.
Jaken rose up on his short legs and began to smooth out his robes. He bent down to pick up his staff and glanced outside. A bright, beautiful dawn was making its way over the distant mountains and Jaken breathed in deeply.
Though he appeared clueless, he was totally confused about his master's appearance. What had him so excited? Had he sensed another demon nearby?
He turned back to Sesshomaru, who was now standing as well. He was studying Rin very carefully. Jaken had never seen his master look at the girl in such a way before.
"Get Rin up soon," he ordered, looking upon her just a moment longer before turning away and heading outside.
Jaken nodded, looking to Rin, wondering what had captivated his master so much.
He walked quietly to her and shook her frail shoulder.
"Rin, wake up! Wake up!" he barked shrilly.
Rin's eyes fluttered a moment before she focused upon Jaken's beady black eyes. She sat up quickly, pushing off of the cool dirt and ruffled back her bangs.
"J-Jaken?" she whispered, looking to him as she continued run her hand through her thick mane.
Jaken frowned to her, wondering why her appearance was just as awkward as Lord Sesshomaru's.
Rin took a deep breath, feeling the hot temperature of her skin. Outside the golden beams of the rising sun were peaking inside and now falling upon her face.
She didn't have to look to know that Sesshomaru was already outside, waiting.
Inside, her stomach twisted and knotted as excitement and apprehension rose within her. Today was the day. She would tell him her true reasons for leaving Roiyaru, for why she didn't love him. Today, she would tell him that she loved him, Sesshomaru.
Rising to stand on shaky legs, she tried to rid herself of her intense dream. Never had she dreamt so. 'It was like it was real,' she mused with a girlish giggle.
A soft blush appeared on her cheeks, but Jaken seemed to not notice and carried on his business.
Rin waited until he left the cave before she gathered her own things, wanting a moment alone to just settle her idled brain.
She had been inside a mansion, being pressed hard against the wooden floors. The air had been hot and humid, his skin so hot and soft. He was pulling and ripping off her clothes, clutching her like she had never imagined.
"Rin!"
She jerked, blushing once more as Jaken peered inside.
"Lord Sesshomaru is leaving!"
Rin nodded, gathering her things in her arms. "I'm coming, Master Jaken!"
She stepped outside into the cool, crisp morning. It couldn't have been any later than six, and still the warm breezes of summer were making their way throughout the trees. Rin gladly welcomed the fresh air.
She needed to cool down and the gentle breezes were just perfect.
As for Sesshomaru, the breezes were a curse. They carried her scent on ahead to him, bringing on a flash of desire throughout his body, so he refused to look at her.
>
For quite some time they walked. After an hour, Rin struck up a conversation with Jaken and soon the solitary silence that Sesshomaru had come to love was broken once again by Rin.
He barely listened to their words, only the melodic tone of her voice.
Occasionally she would laugh, quiet and bright. She was so alive, so happy. He had never encountered someone like her. A human, she had chosen to tramp around the lands with two youkai. She had given up a lifetime of security to journey with a creature who's fate was yet to be decided.
'Was the old mortal honest? Did he speak the truth about Rin?' he asked himself remembering Lord Kisho's words about Rin's heartbroken attitude.
Throughout the morning and into the midday, Rin stumbled slightly on the uneven terrain, but did not complain. She simply kept her spirits high, trying her hardest not to let her nerves get to her. She turned to Jaken with a sweet smile and he just rolled his eyes.
She was so happy to be with him again, even if he were a bit mean to her at times. He was still good company and he could keep her mind off of Sesshomaru.
Once they stopped for lunch, she knew Sesshomaru would go off by himself, most likely "securing" the area while they rested.
And once Sesshomaru went off by himself and Jaken settled down for his short nap, she would seek him out and tell him. She could not possibly say such things with Jaken jeering at her with every word, and she knew he would.
She knew that their daily routine had most likely not changed and her assumptions were assured just seconds later.
Her heart leapt up her throat as Sesshomaru stopped ahead of them, silencing Jaken's words about Inuyasha and his family.
"Go find something to eat, we'll stop for now."
Rin felt all the color drain from her face as Jaken left her, walking out into the nearby fields to search for food.
Sesshomaru turned to her, looking down his nose at her with blank eyes.
"You should help Jaken, Rin," he ordered quietly.
Rin nodded without a word and turned to go help Jaken.
>
A/n: Yes, it is shorter than other chapters, but the next chapter will be longer, I promise. So please review like you guys are so wonderful at doing and I will try my hardest to get the next chapter up sooner than I got these past two up! I really am sorry for the long periods between updates guys! I hate it when authors do this too, so I totally understand if ya'll wanna grill me about it! Lol