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I felt unsettled. Which, of course, wasn't unusual by that point. But this was different.

His girl.

Oh, man. Was that supposed to be some sort of proclamation? I was already somebody's girl, and as lost as I was in that situation, it was the truth. And could I really be with Two-Bit? No, of course not. That wasn't supposed to be how it worked. I had been told that wasn't how it worked.

I needed to get out of the house.

Dad was out, too, and he had taken the T-Bird, so he had to have been looking to show off to somebody. Maybe a department chair.

Anyway, I had my own car now, and there was someone who wanted to see it, so I shoved my homework aside, grabbed a sweater, and bolted out the door. I drove towards the other side of town and pulled into the parking lot of the DX. Just as I had hoped, Soda was manning the register, wiping down the counter. I figured his friend Steve might be there too, but hopefully working on something else. I opened the door, the bell ringing above me to announce my arrival. Sodapop snapped his head up and grinned.

"Bridget!" He greeted. "Fancy seein' you here. Can I help you with somethin'?"

I smirked at him. "Brought the car by. Want a look?"

He smiled like he was hoping I would ask. "Course I do. Lemme see." He hopped over the counter and traipsed after me, back out to the parking lot where the Beetle was. Soda laughed when he saw it. "Oh, I should've known. Didn't take you for the flashy type. It's a good-lookin' car, though." He sent me another giddy look. "Ya know, if you ever wanted to change the color, my friend Steve and I could hook ya up no problem. I figure between the two of us, we could fix and soup-up just about anything on wheels."

"Don't get cocky now," I warned lightly. "Thanks, though," I said, more serious. "You really like it?"

"I do," Soda nodded. "Suits you real well, I think."

"I think so, too."

We stood in silence as he continued to run his hand over it, muttering nothings to himself as he, I'm sure, thought of all the ways he and Steve could improve upon it. Meanwhile, my mind reeled. "May I ask you something?"

Soda looked at me and tilted his head to the side. "You just did," he joked, and when I rolled my eyes, he said, "Sorry, sorry. Sure, ask away. What's on your mind?"

I looked down at my shoes self-consciously, my Keds staring back up at me. "I sort of need a second opinion on something. And I can't exactly tell any of my friends."

Soda leaned against the car and watched my face. "What about?" He asked. "Everything alright?"

I wavered my hand. "Technically, yes. But then not really." He laughed, like maybe it was funny how I had described it, but I moved on. "See, I'm kinda...I've kinda gotten myself into a bit of a tangle. I seem to have maybe done something I shouldn't have, and now I'm not in a good place anymore."

Sodapop took a step closer. "What did you do?"

What didn't I do? I hated Two-Bit once, a long time ago. I teased Evie Martin. I fell for the quarterback and was hurt by him in a way that I never imagined he could have, but probably should have seen coming. And I let Two-Bit Mathews kiss me, let him call me his girl, met him at the back of the school and took rides from him and was falling in love with him while I was with another boy. I was hiding so many things, lying and holding back secrets, and those were just the ones I was keeping for myself.

"I'm kinda caught between two people, and it's because I've lied to my boyfriend...and I think I'm going to hell for all this."

He winced. "Oh, don't…don't say that – "

"I am! I'm an awful person anymore. All I do is sneak around and lie."

Sodapop had a real confused expression on his face. "Why?" He asked. "I mean, if you know it's wrong, why do you keep doin' it?"

"Oh, I don't know anymore," I whispered miserably. "All I know is that I'm confused and I've got some people telling me one thing, and other people are telling me another, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I just…had to tell somebody."

How many times had I heard that from other people? I suppose it was just my turn to spill my guts to somebody, even if that somebody was Sodapop Curtis, a boy who I really didn't know all that well.

He looked at me hard, his eyes crinkling, and he just looked real confused about it all. Just like me. "Oh, man." Soda huffed and put his hands on his hips. "Shoot, kid. You're just as mixed up as I am about this whole love thing. It don't matter how many girls waltz through here..."

He looked so lost, and I remembered what happened with him and Sandy. That I was practically admitting to doing the same thing she had done to him, and didn't that make me feel like an idiot. "It's just that ain't none of them are...who I'm hopin' for it to be. You think your love life is screwed up? That juggling a coupl'a boys is hard? Try juggling...nobody. Go to having somebody to having nobody. At least you got somebody, Bridget."

My breath caught in my throat as I stared at this guy, the first person I had ever met in this fucked-up town. Just strangers. And now, months later, here we were, going on about how nothing was working out the way we thought it would. He was telling me about the girl he was in love with, a story I had already heard through the grapevine.

And what did Sodapop know about me? My predicaments? Did he know anything about Two-Bit and I? How he had kissed me and gave me rides home and met with me when there was no one else around? Did Two-Bit tell him about Dallas and Vickie? Did he ever hear about me visiting his little brother? How close I was to being there on that night when everything in this town got flipped upside-down?

"I guess I do," I whispered. "I'm sorry, Soda. I shouldn't have even brought all this up." I should have just told Cherry or Missy, or maybe even Vickie, but I was too afraid of them judging me. Too much of a coward. Meanwhile, Soda was just a guy I knew.

"Don't be," he shrugged. "We all got our problems. I think we're all graspin' at straws here, just trying to make things less confusing in any way we can. Like we gotta hang on to somethin'. We just gotta figure out who it is we wanna hang on to."

I put my hands on my hips. Why was it like this? Why couldn't I make a decision to save my life? I'm terribly fickle, even still, and it's awful. "I gotta figure out how to fix all this," I sighed.

Sodapop gave me a grin. " You'll figure it out." He shrugged his shoulders. "I gotta get now. But you can figure this out. Tell me how everything works out."

I watched his receding form as he disappeared back inside. I wondered if he really did know what was going on between me and Two-Bit.

But I knew then what I needed to do.

xXx

My note to him in class had been short:

Usual spot, six. It's URGENT. – Bridget

He hadn't responded, but I knew he would be there. I found him sat on the steps behind the school, like usual. He was always there before me.

"Nice wheels," Two-Bit commented as I approached, pointing at the Beetle.

"Got 'em for my birthday," I told him. "You like?"

He nodded. "Ain't exactly what I would go for, but it suits you real well, I think." His face fell a bit. "Sorry I didn't know about your birthday, kid."

I scuffed my shoe against the concrete. "That's okay. Not like I said anything about it."

"Could I make it up to you somehow?" I shook my head, so he sighed and asked, "What'd you wanna meet for?"

"Why did you say that to me?"

He cocked an eyebrow. "Say what?"

"You damn well know what!" I cried, suddenly in a huff. "You called me your girl. I am not your girl, Two-Bit Mathews. I'm not your girl any more than I am Jerry's girl, not anymore."

"What's that s'posed to mean?"

My arms fell to my sides and I closed my eyes, frustrated. "I don't... I don't think I want to be with Jerry anymore," I whispered. "I don't like him the way I used to."

I dropped down beside him and buried my head in my hands.

"Maybe you never did," Two-Bit mumbled. "I dunno. But I'm sorry I called you my girl. I just…well, I just meant…ya know. You're just a girl, and you're my friend, and...I can't say that about a lotta gals, so I guess I said that because you're the one that pisses me off the least. Or – maybe you're the one that pisses me off the most, I dunno."

I turned and looked up at him, resting my head on my knees. I was hoping he would tell me to just drop Jerry, leave him behind. And then tell me that I should be his, which is what I wanted. I knew it was what I wanted. I could feel it deep down that nothing else would matter if I had Two-Bit. "I think maybe we're more than friends, Two-Bit."

He grinned – obviously, he knew what I was getting at. "Well, I s'pose we are. I just ain't quite sure what. All I know is that you frustrate me to no end, and I can't seem to get you outta my head."

My heart skipped. I guessed that meant he thought about me a lot. That was enough to make me want to start kissing him right then and there. But I held myself back, feeling odd about initiating something like that. "I think about you a lot, too, Two-Bit," I admitted softly.

"Ya do?" He asked. I nodded. "Well, Jesus Christ. A thing like that. Lookit the two of us."

"What's there to look at?"

"Well, golly, I dunno. You and me just make a real odd pair."

"I guess so."

"I know so."

"You know so, huh?" I parroted.

Two-Bit nodded real serious. "I do. I mean, really, Bridget. Here I am, a no-good hood with long hair and a police record, and here you are, little Miss Bee, going on dates with your quarterback boyfriend and lookin' real nice. Nicer than I ever could, at least."

I smacked his arm. "Shut up. And so what? It's not as if I care."

"I think you do!" He sang. "I think you care a real whole lot. I think you're afraid of all this. I think you're scared, Bridget." Yeah, that was true. I was scared of a lot of things back then.

But I was especially scared of Two-Bit because I knew I was in love with him.

xXx

I visited Vickie's house one afternoon in early March. I wanted to help her, I really did. I wanted to fix things. And I figured I could continue my journey to do so with her. We could figure something out together, some sort of plan. She was my friend, after all, and even for as mean as she could be, she had confided in me, so I figured I owed it to her to try and help her.

Her house was like many others you would find on our side of town, brass knocker and all. When she came to the door, she was scowling and exhausted and looking like she might just fall over right there in her spot.

"Are you alright?" I asked, genuinely concerned.

"No. No, not really," she replied.

I pursed my lips. At least she was being honest. "I just came over to see how you were doing. Have you...come up with an idea yet?" I asked, making sure to whisper.

Vickie laughed humorlessly. "You could say that," she drawled. "Ask me about it."

I raised my eyebrows. She was scaring me. Her demeanor, her choice of words, how her voice was as rough as sandpaper. And Vickie just smiled at me in the oddest way, like she wanted to me to ask, wanted to tell her secret. "What's your plan?"

"I got rid of it. A little while ago now, actually. It's gone," Vickie whispered bitterly. "No baby, no sir. I didn't need the constant reminder of him hanging on to me, depending on me. Didn't need everyone to stare at me, or for my parents to ship me off. Nuh-uh. No way. When I have a baby, goddammit, it's gonna be at the right time with the right guy, not some East-side hood."

I didn't know what to think. Maybe I wasn't thinking anything at all. The baby was gone, and there wasn't much else to say other than that. On one hand, it all felt so big and scary. On the other hand, I was amazed by how brave she had to have been to go through with it. And I wondered why she hadn't told me when she did it.

"Well? Aren't you going to say something, instead of standing there like a slack-jawed idiot? Aren't you going to tell me what a monster I am?"

"No," I stammered. "No, I'm not."

"Good. Because I'm not." Well, not for that reason. I was sort of upset about how she had talked about those East-side hoods, considering she had been sleeping with one, and not just any hood – Dallas Winston. The juvenile delinquent to put the rest to shame. But they weren't all bad. "Good talk."

She was about to slam the door in my face when I called out, "Wait!" And she left the door open just wide enough for her to stick her head through and stare. "Vickie…when the same thing happened to Sandy Baxter, you…you called her a whore."

"So?"

"So she was cheating on Sodapop Curtis at the same time you were cheating on George. The same thing happened to both of you, Vickie."

I thought she was going to kill me as she stepped out onto the porch and slammed her front door. "What exactly are you trying to say?" Vickie put her hands on her hips and bit her lip. She looked truly repulsive, absolutely ugly in that moment. Her hair was a mess, her clothes rumpled, eyes swollen and dark. She had shed her beautiful outer layer just to reveal all…this, what stood right in front of me.

"I'm just saying that, you know…maybe that was a bit hypocritical. That's all."

I thought I had been so diplomatic about it, too. So gentle. But apparently, Vickie wasn't in the mood to have her contradictions pointed out. "I can't believe what I'm hearing. You're calling me a whore. Aren't you?"

"No!" I squawked. "No, I'm not, I swear. But, I mean, not only did you do the same thing she did, you did it with someone you said was garbage – who you said you hated. I just don't get it."

"You don't?" She said lowly, mockingly. "Are you sure about that, Bridget? Are you sure? You're telling me that you've never, oh, I don't know, found yourself unsatisfied with your current situation? Never looked anywhere else? You're saying that you can't understand wanting someone you're not supposed to have. Is that right?"

Oh, god.

I swallowed roughly. She knew. Oh, Christ, she knew. But of course she did – she was Vickie Harper. She knew everything about everybody. "No," I lied. "All I'm saying is that you said they were all bad, everyone from the East side, and they're just not."

"And how would you know?" She asked, voice sickly sweet. "What're you hiding, Bridget Stevens?"

I almost admitted it. I really almost did. It was clear she already knew, anyway, but Vickie and I were different, just like Jerry said. Two totally different beasts. I wouldn't tell anybody about Vickie's dead baby, but I knew she would tell anybody she could get her hands on about me and Two-Bit. So I just shook my head.

"I'm not hiding anything," I lied again.

"Bullshit!"

"I'm not!" I cried. "I'm not hiding anything, and dammit, Vickie, if you tell me one more time that I am, I will tell everybody about you and Winston." I took a step closer to her, so we were practically nose-to-nose. "I could ruin everything for you. You do not scare me, Vickie Harper. Maybe you did once, but I have since come up against far scarier things than a conniving little whore like you."

Vickie took a step back, as if I had hit her. "Get off my goddamn porch," she said through her teeth.

I didn't say another word. I turned on my heel and stomped off towards my car.

As I drove, the adrenaline wore off some, and it slowly sunk in that I had called Vickie Harper a whore. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. She would kill me over that. At least I had something against her that would hit ten times as hard. At least she had Dallas. And wouldn't everybody just love to hear about that.

Suddenly, a weird sort of confidence rose up in me and I knew what I had to do. I turned the car around, the opposite direction of home. I headed for the East side, to find Two-Bit.

xXx

The sun was setting against a pink and orange sky. It was getting late, but the East side was just waking up. Groups of girls and guys walked along the sidewalks, disappearing into bars and diners. It made me wish I were going out with somebody, instead of walking in on someone else's good time.

The only problem about all of this was that I had no clue where I would find Two-Bit. He was social, and there was no damn way he was sitting at home watching TV. I guessed that meant I would have to go around asking, and there was only one place and one person I could comfortably ask.

I pulled into the DX for the second time that week and practically ran inside. But there at the counter was Steve Randle, flipping through a magazine and looking bored out of his mind. I walked up to the counter and cleared my throat, knowing that if Soda wasn't there, this was my next best bet.

"It might do you some good to look up when you hear a customer come in," I said loudly.

Steve looked, saw it was me, and groaned. "Jesus. Lookit you. Whaddya need?"

I tossed my hair over my shoulder. I remembered learning long ago that when interacting with Steve Randle, I had to keep both my confidence and wits about me. He was a sharp one. And an asshole. "I need you to tell me where Two-Bit Mathews is," I told him. "Now."

He raised his eyebrows and straightened himself on his stool. "What's it to ya where he is?"

"It's important, Steve Randle. Really fucking important, so if you could tell me where he is, that'd be really great."

That dick almost smiled. "Don't tell me he knocked you up."

I almost laughed at the irony of his statement. "No. I'm serious now. Where is he?"

"I'll tell you," Steve began, "but it may be a bit out of your comfort zone."

"Just tell me where."

That time, he really did smile.

"You ever heard of a place called Brookie's?" I shook my head. "Well, that's where he is. It's two blocks north of here. Ya wanna catch him there before he floats on over to Buck's. Now get outta here."

Two blocks north. Okay. Fine. I hastily thanked him, not missing the odd look he gave me as he watched me leave.

Brookie's was a dive bar sandwiched in between two other bars just like it. I could only hope Two-Bit wasn't drunk. I didn't know what I would do then.

When I burst in, bright in my pink dress, I flung the door open with a crash and everyone stared at me for a moment. I froze in my spot, not saying anything, and eventually they all went back to their conversations. Except for Two-Bit, who I spotted chatting up some pretty blonde in the corner of the room: long legs, big eyes, large breasts. Just his type, I supposed. But she didn't concern me, so I waltzed on over and brought their conversation to an abrupt halt. His date didn't look a bit happy to see me, either.

"We need to talk," I told him.

Two-Bit looked from me to his conquest with one eyebrow raised. "What're you doin' here?" He asked. He was pissed. Two-Bit grabbed my arm and turned to the blonde. "C'mere. One sec, hun."

Two-Bit was clearly distraught about my being there, but I really wasn't concerned about all that. I was more concerned about finally telling somebody the truth about something. Besides, he seemed to cool down once we were outside and away from the crowd.

"Why're you here?" Two-Bit demanded. "This is the last place in the world you should be! Bee – "

"I know!" I interrupted. I wasn't used to seeing him like this, this mad at me. "Just listen. Look, about Dallas and Vickie – "

"Jesus, Two-Bit! What the hell are you up to now?"

I was annoyed that we were being interrupted, but when I turned my head to see who had spoken, I saw some kid. He had curly dark brown hair and blue eyes. Kind of short, a little on the skinny side. Bigger than Ponyboy, though. And he had a smarmy grin on his face that suggested he thought Two-Bit was getting into his antics with me.

"Get the fuck outta here, Curly," Two-Bit warned. "You ain't s'posed to be here, anyways. I'll tell Tim, kid."

"Like hell you will!" Curly yelled. "I ain't scared of him, ya know."

"Sure you ain't. Now get outta here before I cut your head from your ass!" Curly shook his head, but he stalked off in the other direction, swearing all the way. "'Scuse my language, Bee," Two-Bit sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Now, what about Vickie and Dallas?"

I took a deep breath. "Two-Bit, they didn't just sleep together. Vickie..." My eyes welled up. I shook my head, wondering how to say what happened, and why I was crying over it. "Vickie…she was pregnant." I took another shaky breath. "But the baby's gone now. She got rid of it. I just figured you should know."

"Oh," Two-Bit whispered. Then his eyes lit up. "Oh," he repeated.

I sobbed. "And then I called her a whore." I really hadn't meant to – it had just come out. She was being a hypocrite, but Vickie had been my friend, and I felt bad about what she had gone through, so maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut. But she was on to me – to us, and I got scared. Two-Bit ran his hands through his hair and swore under his breath.

"You don't have to cry. It's gonna be fine."

"I don't know if it will be."

"Yeah, it will."

"How would you know?"

And then Two-Bit gently pressed his lips against mine, and I kissed back for a moment. I felt what I had felt that first time, and I wanted to stay that way forever. But then he let back up, staring down at me sadly. "You're smart. You'll figure this out." He pecked my cheek one more time before disappearing back inside, back to his blonde.

That just left me to stalk back to my car. And I drove away, and I cried because that bastard was always filling me up and then leaving me so goddamn empty. And I mean that in the best possible way.

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