-1A/N: I'm never writing a Paige centered story again. With that being said, I'm glad that I did do it in order to flex my writing muscles - but I'm still never writing her again. Also, thank you, Sam, for doing a very impromptu read through of this stories rough draft. Your comments and advice, as always, are immeasurable. And thank you, Shannon, for telling me what sucked and reading it a second time. I really appreciated it. Um, this story moves backwards. I'm starting you at the end and moving you toward the front.
Summary: Paige is on her way home from her first year of college to spend her summer with the one she loves. But who is it? Spinner or Alex?
White Lines and headlights in my eyes
Whites lines, I'm ready to drive all night
White lines, how many until I'm in your arm
White lines will bring me home
"This is the last stop. Goderich, Ontario," the bus driver said over the static of the intercom. "Last stop, Goderich, Ontario."
Paige jerked awake as the bus rolled to a stop, disoriented at first and then slowly becoming more aware of her surroundings. The distinctive smell of sweat and fast food permeated the air and others milled about her, gathering their luggage close to them and standing up in anticipation.
As Paige became more alert she felt a small rush of delight go through her. Stretching a bit she languidly stood up, yawning as she did. But even as she went through the motions of waking up and getting her body moving again her eyes were wide open and her mind was racing.
Only one name echoed in her mind, like a litany. For the first time since she'd traveled from her college back to some abstract place she was suppose to call home it felt like an actual homecoming. It was more concrete and solid than any other journey for her had been.
She gathered her bag from the overhead where she'd tossed it when she first boarded the bus, placing the strap over her shoulders were jittery hands. She was brimming with such excitement that she could feel a tingle in her toes, though she'd never admit that even to herself. Paige Michalchuk
did not get rattled; especially not about her significant other.
She was one of the last to make her way off of the bus and it was nearly tortured to stop to get the other bag she'd put underneath the bus' luggage hold. Putting the second bag on her shoulder she felt bogged down and knew she was moving to the gate's door with a small waddle to her steps but didn't care. The only thing that mattered was getting through the door in front of her.
The person in front of her was nice enough to hold the door open for her and she went through the one barrier she had left with her heart pounding. She didn't see the uniform row of seats with the old television sets attached to them that cost a dollar to watch. She didn't even see the crowds of people, moving around with places to go. She only saw one person, feeling her stomach clench and her throat go dry as she was now only feet away from them. She moved toward them at about the same time they came forward to meet her, their strides not hindered by luggage.
When they got a mere few inches away from her she dropped her bags onto the ground, looking up to meet the anxious eyes of the one person who made coming home worth it. Smiling brightly she wrapped her arms around them, hugging them closely and breathing in their smell.
"I missed you," came a whisper in her ear, making goose bumps spring up along her arms.
Paige pulled back to look into loving eyes, seeing herself reflected there.
"So," the question began, eyes sparkling with delight as they looked at Paige, "What exactly are you doing here?"
She leaned up on tip toes and placed a kiss on their lips, at first slowly but then with increasing pressure as all the time they'd spent apart flickered through her mind.
She felt hands move up to cup her face softly, deepening the kiss even further as their tongue darted out in the most tantalizing of caresses.
Others moved by them, some gawking and others just smirking but the two embracing in the middle of the bus terminal didn't seem to notice or care.
They were there with each other and it didn't seem to matter how it had happened, why it took them so long, or what it all meant.
It just mattered that for that one span of time they were falling deeper, deeper still… And they could almost see eternity.
Seems like I've been here before
I know the way
Paige stared out her window through the smear of hand prints and the dust that had long turned it more yellow than clear. Her eyes were focused on the slick black of the highway she was traveling on and the systematic lay out of line after line.
The road seemed to move at a heavy pace, the lines of white blending together to become one long and never ending streak. It was like the lines on a treasure map, leading her to the X that marked the spot.
Paige heard the familiar ring of her phone drift through the air and began searching almost frantically as she tried to find where she had placed it.
"Do not hang up," she muttered to herself, feeling her hand enclose around a metal object at the bottom of her backpack. Slipping it out she whipped it open and breathed a sigh. "Hello?"
"Hey, you," the voice on the other line answered, the words laced with something that could just be desire but could also be just a bit like love.
"This is a little obsessive, don't you think?" Paige retorted, though she smiled. "I'll be home in a total of three hours. Then I'm yours for the entire summer."
"Yeah, well, that's three hours too many."
"Hun, spare me the melodramatic puppy love talk." Paige paused before adding, "I can't wait, either."
There was a soft laugh, then, "I knew you couldn't resist me."
"Please, Heather Sinclair has more charm than you."
"Whatever you say," came the answer back.
The phone beeped as it lost some of its bars, signaling she was moving into an area with bad reception. Paige stared out her window, glowering as she passed endless trees.
"I'm going to have to let you go. I think I'm about to lose you."
"That's fine… I'll see you soon."
She felt a wave of giddiness wash through her and fought the urge to giggle. What was she, twelve and experiencing her first crush? "You can count on it," she said softly before closing her phone.
Paige leaned back into her seat, closing her eyes and willing herself to sleep so the hours would pass more quickly. Feeling a cramp in her lower back she shifted, moving around in an attempt to find a comfortable position. She twisted in her seat until her head was bent at an odd angle with her body hunched down low. It was a total of five minutes before Paige was again moving around in her seat, discomfort and annoyance written clearly across her face.
She wasn't coping well with the swell of nervous and excited energy surrounding her. She'd barely touched her breakfast that morning, her thoughts already miles and miles away from her empty dorm room.
She'd already airmailed most of her things home, leaving her with a couple of bags full of the basic necessities.
Whipping out her MP3 player as a last resort Paige turned up the volume, letting the singer's voice fill up her mind. It was just a demo that she'd been given, something that was a little rough but the songs on it were solid. She found that the music put her at ease, helping her fall asleep some nights.
Closing her eyes and leaning back in her uncomfortable chair Paige let the music wash over her, slowing falling into a deep and dream filled sleep.
Oh, seems like I've been on my own
So long, so long…
The arms around her were a sanctuary, one she had never really experienced before. She wasn't quite sure how she ended up there, her chest pressed against theirs and their legs mingled and stretched beside each other's until they become one person moving onward, onward.
She had never been one for romantic fantasies; not for years. She'd stopped having hopes of a fairy tale ending when the first person she'd looked at with stars in her eyes had destroyed her life and taken parts of herself she would never get back. After that she'd only wanted stability and companionship, not overwhelming passion and bone melting heat.
Maybe Matt had given her some passion, some form of love and sex mixed together to form something closer to attraction than anything else. But, it had been as much about being with someone she wasn't suppose to be with as it had been about passion and love.
"Your hair smells like strawberries." Another whisper in the quiet of the room. Breath tinkled her ear as the air moved slowly out as they spoke to her.
"Mmm, is that good or bad?" she asked, snuggling in even closer to a warm body, warm hands… Warm places that made her warm and melt and sway inside.
"With you? It's a good thing," was the reply, in that way they had where it wasn't really an answer but it wasn't an avoidance, either.
"I want to stay like this forever." She moved in closer, closer still, to prove her point. She pulled the blanket up, until it was over their heads and laying above them like a canopy or a cocoon.
The look she was being given was puzzled before it broke into a grin. One hand came up to lightly trace the corner of her lips as they said enigmatically, "You want to steal away? Make our own place?"
"I never want to leave here," she said, knowing her words were nothing more than an echo of her previous statement.
And she thought maybe, maybe… If she just held the blanket a little tighter around them, if she latched onto them until she became a part of them they wouldn't fade.
That she could keep this time long past the morning light.
They kissed and they touched and she thought maybe, maybe…
White Lines and headlights in my eyes
Whites lines, I'm ready to drive all night
White lines, how many until I'm in your arm
White lines will bring me home
She knows all the reasons why she's only sinking deeper now and she should stop. She doesn't because she's always tried to live with her eyes wide open and while she's afraid of making mistakes she can't seem to help herself, sometimes.
She was on a bus heading to some little town in the middle of nowhere. The only thing that it had was a bus terminal and a cheap hotel. But it was a halfway point for both of them right now and it made the most sense.
As much as love, sex, and going hundreds of miles on a bus just for one person could ever make sense. She saw their eyes in her mind, the way they looked at her and she thought it was maybe worth it. That maybe it would be different than before. Perhaps it could be a love that was unlike what had been before, distinct and maybe lasting.
This time, maybe this time… Her mind said, on perpetual repeat.
It seems like I'm on my own
Feels like I'm losing it all
She hadn't meant to make a move; she'd long stopped searching for love in all the wrong places and this was one place she'd never intended to go. Not now, not after everything had amounted to nothing and she was left with only love twisted into memory.
But if she just moved a little bit closer maybe that would be enough. Close enough so that she could feel heaven and clichés and each word that the heart pressed up against her said as it thumped against her own chest. She wanted to make it say her name, over and over again like a prayer and a damnation all at once.
So she moved closer, too close because she felt breath being inhaled quickly, felt eyes stare at her with challenge and disbelief and wonder. She never bulked at a challenge, never ran away. She was Paige Michalchuk and she wasn't afraid of anything. Not even having her heart broken again.
She reached out, closer still and then she felt their lips touch hers. She wasn't sure but someone's hand was touching someone's hair and someone's tongue was tracing someone's lips. She wanted to pull away but she just yanked the person closer, saying their name on some sort of sigh before kissing them again. Going deeper, deeper…
Deeper, until she could taste tomorrow.
I held you in my arms last night
I dreamed we were riding on a star
This wasn't what was suppose to happen, she rationalized. She was suppose to find something more out there, she was suppose to be able to pull away from Toronto.
But instead she was on a bus heading to Toronto in order to strengthen a tie she'd never known had existed before now. It was strange, a mixture of anticipation and anxiety rolling inside of her.
It was one thing for her to go home and accidentally keep bumping into someone. Maybe even another to call the same person up in the middle of the night when she couldn't sleep.
But traveling specifically to see someone made it real, made it tangible. It meant that she was willing to go out of her way. That maybe, just maybe they were heading for disaster.
Or something real.
It was always worse when things became real. That meant there were feelings and attachments. If she had just turned herself around and not gotten on the damn bus she would have been fine.
She wasn't suppose to want to see one person so much that she nearly ached, as pathetic and clingy as that made her sound. Especially since they were just friends. They had to be just friends, didn't they?
This was not her life. She strived for order, not chaos. She wanted sense, not something completely irrational. She was setting herself up to be hurt, again. Of course she was. Just looking at the person she was going home to see would tell any sane person that.
Her phone beeped, jarring Paige out of her self-deprecating thoughts. She picked it up and saw she had a text message. Whipping her phone out she read the text and smiled.
What time do u get in? it asked.
She wasn't suppose to go out and find another reason to want to come home. But she had; she did.
Soon, she texted back.
I kissed you and the sun began to shine
In dreams I can do anything
The bathroom was cold, the slowly encroaching winter already beginning to leave its mark. The heater she was sitting on in the back of the bathroom was cold, too, leaving shivers to race up and down her body. Still, she waited as the phone rang.
"Hello," a sleep fogged voice asked, annoyance clear in the tone.
She blanked on what to say, the words forming a lump in her throat. She had always kept her fair share of confidence stored away… But she'd never made calls in the middle of the night, either.
"Paige? Is that you?" The voice sounded more awake. "Paige, I can see your name on my caller ID."
Paige let out a deep sigh. "Yes, this would be me. Paige. Calling you at…" Paige broke off, looking at the clock and wincing, "2:47 am."
Her words echoed off the bathroom tile and she felt a small wave of paranoia that the students in all the other dorm rooms could hear her.
"That's okay, I was only sleeping," the voice joked, making an attempt to ease the tension. "What's going on?"
What's going on? It was an innocent question but she didn't really have an answer. She'd just had a really bad day and it had only completed a total of ten minutes ago. Her morning class was already guaranteeing her she was getting no more than four hours of sleep, too. For some reason… They'd been the first person she had thought of calling.
The phone number was new to her, so new the numbers had looked odd as she'd stared at them for ten minutes trying to decide whether to call or not. Now it was too late to back out, too late for a lot of things…
"Paige, you're getting me worried here" The words were more clear now, with an edge to them. Not of annoyance but of worry. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, um…" Paige trailed off, thinking how she wasn't okay. She hated Banting. She didn't fit in. It was too much. It was just like she'd said… She was a big phony and everyone could see through her. She was going to fail -
"I can almost here you thinking over the phone line." It was said with a small laugh, breaking into her thoughts. "If you're going to keep me up, Michalchuk, you should keep it interesting. Tell me what's going on."
Paige paused for what seemed like an eternity. Then slowly, carefully, she said, "Okay." Taking another deep breath she began, "It started this morning…"
White Lines and headlights in my eyes
Whites lines, I'm ready to drive all night
White lines, how many until I'm in your arm
White lines will bring me home
Paige stared at her computer screen, the words that were supposed to compose her paper seeming to blend together. She tried to focus but her butt was sore, her eyes were tired, and if she had another cup of coffee she'd throw up. Running a hand through her hair Paige wanted to scream but refrained herself for the sake of her sleeping roommate.
Who was sleeping when Paige wasn't, so maybe it was fair…
Paige sighed deeply, instead deciding to sign on AIM and try to distract herself for five minutes while she regained her focus. Her buddy list loaded and she blinked in surprise at who was on. Leaning back in her chair she considered whether or not she should send an IM.
The choice was taken out of her hands as an IM popped up on her screen.
Teh10: Hey you.
Paige blinked, before smirking. Slowly, she typed a response.
Spiritgirl: Hey! Imagine seeing you on.
Teh10: What can I say? I have a Paige sixth sense.
Spiritgirl: Is that so?
Teh10: I'm starting to think so.
Paige stared at the screen some more as thoughts ran their way through her mind. The way things were going she was starting to think the same thing.
I try to tell you I've got to get away
I try to say I need my space
Her friends hadn't been lying when they said that the small little clothing shop had some of the best skirts in Canada for a cheap price. The patterns and cuts were beautiful. She could even forgive that the shop seemed to circulate no air and was located in the middle of some hick town. Paige's attention was fully absorbed in looking at a particular black skirt when someone snuck up behind her.
"Okay, this is just getting freaky."
She turned around as her eyes widened.
"Especially since we're not even in Toronto." There was amusement in their voice as they smiled at her.
Paige stood their unsure of what to say and still reeling. "What are you…"
"Doing here?" Their was a soft laugh. "That's becoming our standard line, isn't it?"
Paige smiled, nodding. "It is, isn't it?"
They pulled something out of a bag, sliding them onto their face. "Like my new sunglasses? I heard this place has great sunglasses."
Paige had to chuckle at that, wondering if their was a conspiracy against them. "Well, if your glasses are anything to go by you heard wrong."
"Ouch," was the answer back, but she could tell they weren't upset. "That one hurt."
Paige shrugged, enjoying the banter. "The truth hurts."
As the glasses were slipped off there was a changed in expression, suddenly appearing hesitant and unsure. Emotions danced across their face easily and Paige could almost follow their line of thought. "Listen, I have to go like right this second but, um, you have my screen name, right?"
Paige answered like it was a stupid question, "Well, yeah."
There was an mysterious smile then, "Why don't you try using it some time."
I got to get some distance in between
My heart and my head
Paige pulled into the oversized parking lot of the Hong Kong Chinese restaurant, annoyed with the traffic and the rainy weather. Having to park in the far end of the parking lot knowing she would have to run through the rain wasn't helping her sour mood. She turned off the car then looked around for something she could use to shield herself - anything. Not seeing anything she grumbled before she darted out of the car and into the rain, running through the parking lot.
With relief she went in through the front door, although her small jaunt had left her nearly soaked. She gave a nearly inaudible grunt as she pulled her hair back into a damp, messy ponytail in an attempt to get it out of her eyes. She shook herself off a bit and stood in a corner to ring out her shirt as much as possible.
Feeling a bit more composed she went to head to the front desk when she stopped in her tracks. The person she was staring at stopped themselves, raising a surprised eyebrow. He looked different than before, a little more weary. His hair was more shaggy and he had stumble on his face, something she can't ever really recall seeing before.
"Well, what do we have here?" she said, a small bit of mockery in her voice. "Fancy running into you. Again."
He smiled back, amused about something. "I was just thinking the same thing… You're not stalking me, are you?"
"Please," she said, a small smile on her face. The words lacked the bite she would have liked. "I have better things to do with my time."
"Like drowning in a puddle?" he asked, pointing to her soaked hair.
"I forgot my umbrella at home. So sue me." Paige shrugged. "So, what exactly are you doing here?"
"I'm having dinner." He motioned to a small table where she could see his family sitting at. His sister waved to her happily when she saw her and Paige smiled back. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm picking up an order of Chinese food." Paige crossed her arms, suddenly defensive.
"I mean, shouldn't you be off living the great college life? You seem to just keep popping back up in Toronto."
She couldn't tell from the way they said it if that was a good or bad thing; if they were disappointed or pleased.
"Can't party or study every night. Besides, that's not what I meant, either."
She could see a twinkle and a challenge in his eyes. "I know."
I'm on the razor's edge
I've been here before
I know the way
Paige felt burnt out. Not really physically, but mentally and emotionally. It was as though someone had made scrambled eggs out of her brain and taken her heart on a roller coaster ride.
It felt strange to be back in Toronto, even though it had only been a couple of months. Somehow the span of time between the end of Summer and Thanksgiving seemed like it had passed by in a blink while also feeling like a lifetime.
Paige felt older, more altered inside of herself than she had though was possible only late last August.
She had wanted to go to the Dot or stop by Alex's new workplace but something stopped her. Would she be able to even hold a conversation with Spinner? Would Alex and her still be in sync with each other? The thought that she might have lost her connection to two of the people who had touched her the most during her high school years was frightening.
Enough that it made her hide instead, picking a late movie to go and see alone while she sorted through the jumble of half-formed thoughts going through her mind. She could make time for friends later in the week, when her mind was no longer foggy and she didn't feel like she didn't even belong in her hometown.
The nearly abandoned movie theater seemed to match her current temperament and her constant state of being; a girl left with her own thoughts to keep her crowded.
"Paige Michalchuk," a voice said from behind her, causing her to jump a little.
She whipped around, her eyes growing wide as they came to rest on the person's face. She couldn't help the surprised smile that broke out over her face. "Wonders never cease. What are you doing here?"
"Same thing as you," he said innocently. "Catching a movie."
Paige moved forward and engulfed him in a small hug, though it was awkward and clumsy. They'd never really touched before.
Paige pulled away and rolled her eyes. "I mean in Toronto. Aren't you suppose to be -"
" I am." He shrugged. "Just taking a break. Visiting the fam."
"So, what's with the mopey, 'I'm so emo' face. You look like you just got back from a date with Heather Sinclair."
His face fell even more, looking for all the world like a lost puppy. It was a trademark expression of his and Paige was glad to find that some things never changed.
"Well, that's what happens when you're dealing with a break-up." He grimaced then forced a closed lipped smile. "That seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life. I am the reigning break-up King."
"Sorry, hun." One side of Paige's mouth quirked up in a lopsided grin. "Some things really don't change, though. Are you the dumper or the dumpee?"
"Dumpee."
A silence fell upon them and Paige shifted uncomfortable, unsure of what to say. She wasn't sure how to comfort him. He'd been a part of her circle of friends for most of high school but she couldn't recall a time when they had been alone together.
"So," He began, looking at the concession stand. "What movie are you going to see?"
"Um, the new Reese Witherspoon. You?"
"I haven't made up my mind yet. I was going to catch the new lame chick flick myself. But that was before my girlfriend dumped me over the phone."
"Oh, brutal." Paige shrugged, smiling a bit. "Why don't you go see it anyway? I'm going stag myself and if you promise not to drop annoying male commentary during the film I'll even let you share my popcorn."
He seemed to consider this, his expressive eyes conveying his emotions more than he probably realized. She could tell before he said a word that he would go along with her plan.
"Sure," He said, casually. "Why not? I mean, we're here, right?"
"Right." Paige answered back.
"I should go get a ticket then," He said, even though he was already moving in the direction of the box office. When he came back they fell into another awkward silence, both taking to staring at random things in the middle of the theater lobby.
"This is stupid," Paige finally said, breaking the silence. "I've known you for four years and we can't come up with one thing to say to each other?"
He looked thoughtful and Paige was once against amazed at how much you could get just from looking at his face. She wondered how it was he'd lied so much to so many people in the past..
"But that doesn't mean we know each other," He replied, his eyebrows furrowing.
Paige cocked her head to the side and thought about this. "You're right," she concluded, looking up at him. "We don't really know each other."
"Nope."
Paige had a passing thought and wanted to giggle at herself. It was a cheesy idea but wasn't that what the movies were all about? Those over the top, nauseatingly sweet moments. Shrugging mentally Paige extended her hand, smirking at his questioning face.
"Hi, I'm Paige Michalchuk."
He stared at her hand for a second before moving his hand into her own to shake it. "Craig Manning."
"Nice to meet you, Craig," Paige said softly. "So, want to catch a movie with me?"
Craig smiled, really smiled, brightly and the transformation to his face was amazing. He seemed to almost shine and for the first time Paige knew why girls were so willing to bend over backwards for him.
"I'd love to."