Healing

AUTHOR: Piper Fox
DISCLAIMER: See part one. Margo James is my own character.

Sept): A few hours later . . .

Carter woke the next morning at dawn. He looked around expectantly for Lucy and his heart quickened as he realised that she wasn't there beside him. He got up quickly and as he emerged from her room, his fears soon died. He could see her slender figure silhouetted against the morning sunshine from the window.

"Morning," he said.

"Hey . . . I've been doing some thinking," she said faintly, not bothering to face him. She sighed deeply. "I think I . . . I think I need some help."

Carter moved to stand alongside her. "That's a very good idea."

"I don't know where I've been these past few months." She continued to stare vacantly out the window. "It's like some ongoing nightmare, and I've only just woken up to the fact that it's not a dream after all. It's real. It's my life and it's a mess. I wanted to ignore it; I think I actually believed it would just fade away. I'm scared that I will never get over this Carter, and yet . . . all I want to do is take no notice of what's going on around me. How stupid am I?"

"You are not stupid, Luce . . . it's been hard on me too."

"But you aren't going crazy because of it."

"You are not crazy. I'll tell you something . . ." he began. "I am scared because I've managed to cope so well. My reaction has not been normal, Lucy. You are going though some kind of a process of dealing with something like this. Me, on the other hand, what if I end up having some kind of a mental breakdown years from now? It could happen and that is an absolutely terrifying thought."

"C'mon Carter, I know you . . . you don't let anything phase you."

"I have to live with the guilt. I thank God everyday that you live Lucy. It was my carelessness that almost got you killed. And damned if I'll let that happen to you or anyone else again."

She turned towards him, an astonished expression on her elegant face, but didn't or couldn't say anything.

"You are precious Luce, and don't you ever forget that."

"I don't know what to say," she managed at last. "I thought I knew you Carter, but I was wrong. All I ever saw was the uptight, insensitive distant shell you portray to the outside world. Now, I know that you're not really like that."

Carter shrugged off her comments. "Well you were the infuriating, ambitious med student. The perfect menace for a resident. But there's more to you than meets the eye."

Lucy giggled. "What happened to us?" She slid an arm around his waist.

He crushed her tightly in his grasp. "Don't you tell anyone . . . otherwise I'll have to kill you," he joked.

"Same goes for you too!" she said, shoving him off.

"Let's get some breakfast," he suggested.

She agreed and they departed. 'Things are looking up. I'm not going to ignore my problems anymore . . .' She smiled as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. 'Yes, it's time to leave this emotional torment behind.'

A few days later . . .

"I'm glad you came with me Carter," Lucy said, looking cautiously at the door of therapist Margo James. "This is tough."

"I know." Carter nodded. Aware of Lucy's anguish, he reached out and took her hand in his. It was icy to touch, but he smiled all the same. Lucy felt his support, like some invisible force that surrounded her with protection.

"I'm ready." She rose to her feet and was about to go in when she noticed that Carter was staring at her. "Don't worry . . . I won't let myself be dragged under by this anymore."

"I know." 'You are strong Luce; you don't need to remind me of that.' He watched her as she tentatively knocked on the door and went in. "At last." He sighed, with relief and satisfaction.

"Lucy . . . it's good to see you again." Margo James' bright face shone up at her. "Have a seat."

"Thank you." Lucy said, setting herself down into a comfortable armchair. 'Maybe this won't be too bad.'

"Well Lucy, we do we start?"

Lucy exhaled slowly. "I haven't been dealing with my problems very well, actually I've been avoiding doing anything about them. I want to take steps to work out my feelings so I can then begin to put my life back together."

Margo nodded. "Okay."

"I've been doing fine at work, I guess it helps when I have something to do, but I'm haunted by dreams of the attack . . ." She paused to glance around the room. "I can remember what happened now."

"Please go on, if you can."

"It was a normally stressful day in the ER, and it didn't help that Carter kept brushing me off. I remember being in curtain three with . . . Paul Sobriki. I had my back turned, doing something, I can't remember now. Anyway, I heard him cry out in pain, so I went to help him and all of a sudden he pulled a knife on me. It happened too fast for me to comprehend what was going on. I pleaded with him, but . . . he just kept on advancing. I couldn't escape; he had me trapped. He came at me . . . and thrust the knife again and again. Then, I'm on the floor, in the most excruciating pain, blood everywhere. I was so scared . . . I didn't know where he was, and I couldn't call out for help. I was there for what seemed like eternity, before I heard the door open and someone's feet appeared. Poor Carter. I couldn't even warn him."

"Lucy," Margo's voice was intense. "It's not your fault."

"I know, but I can't help thinking that maybe if I'd just been a bit more vigilant, he never would have got his hands on the knife."

"We all have regrets. You can't change what has occurred, and right now it will be hard to deal with. But soon, with a little bit of help, you can put this behind you."

"I know." Lucy smiled, but her eyes filled with tears. "I'm healing already."

"How did it go?" Carter asked, when Lucy appeared.

"Good." She hugged him affectionately. "Thankyou for being there for me. You never gave up, and I really appreciate it."

Carter felt a tug at his heart. "No problem, I don't regret it for a second."

"I'm making progress," she announced. "Today is the beginning of the rest of my life!"

Carter laughed. "Well then, we'd better go and celebrate."

"Sounds good to me." With renewed enthusiasm, she took his arm, and they left. 'I feel so much better.' She confided in herself. 'I'm truly happy to be alive . . .'