Part Sixty Two
"Well, it's down to you two to get the Christmas tree and put the bloody thing up. I'll help as I'll supervise." Gina decided firmly
"Couldn't we hang on and wait till the works department come back to us. They did say that they'd make an extra special effort to deliver it on time." Colin queried hopefully. He really didn't fancy getting prickled all over and do his back in. That tentative suggestion was promptly squashed flat by Gina's incredulous look of scorn at his pitiful naivety not to mention her acid reply
"Yeah, and Santa Claus slides down the chimney and parks his sleigh on the roof. Haven't you learnt by now, those muppets tell the same load of crap to every mug who phones up this time of the year. No, you and Dominic are going to take the transit and get a tree from the local market. Come on, chop chop"
"Oh, so you like Christmas after all, Gina?" Dominic retorted with a sly grin.Gina's only response was to stick her tongue out at him before he sauntered lazily away accompanied by Colin.
An hour later, a scraping slithering sound could be heard accompanied by muffled shouting and rattling sounds of metal announced the arrival of the tree at the gate from the exercise yard. Gina guessed what was happening and , after turning the key in the lock, a fir tree wobbled its way horizontally forwards pointing its way towards the main area. As it moved in, snatches of arms and legs could be spotted as Dominic manfully held the tree two thirds down its length while Colin looked distinctly weary as he manhandled the base of the trunk.
"Is that for the prison officers, miss?" Julie Johnson, spurred on by her insatiable curiosity, was first off the mark to ask questions. It looked a bit big for the prison officers and she didn't want to build her hopes up too high.
"Course it ain't, Julie. It's for all of you from the governor. Special delivery." Gina said with a broad smile while a sweating red-faced Dominic, pine needles prickling his face, lurched by and led the tree to its spot in the large container ready for it. He and Colin let the base slide sideways and the trunk was dropped a little heavily into the middle of it before they pushed the trunk into the air and leant it against the corner of the room.
"Hey , watch the pine needles." sang out Julie Johnson incautiously to Dominic who positively wagged his head vertically while the two action men rushed past with all the verve of an police emergency action squad. "They take ages to clear up."
"Later, Julies, later." Gina urged hastily, seeing the expression of desperation on Dominic's face. The poor guy's face was scratched by pine needles and she really hated to see his obliging nature taken advantage of, even if it was unintentional.
"Let them get it safe so it doesn't fall on somebody's head. I'd feel a right twat writing that one down in the accident book."
Like lightning, the two men rushed to pack in earth and stones round the base of the tree while all the prisoners stood round in a semi circle. Even Kris found it possible to let her disdainful expression soften and she showed unobtrusive respect for them by taking care to stand out of their way. Eventually, flushed and ties and shirts crumpled and awry, they pronounced the tree safe and secure to their satisfaction and they preened themselves noticeably while facing the crowd. Their manner was a distinct throwback to their ancient ancestor, the proud ancient caveman who, having battled to the death with a dangerous mammoth and having exhibited the trophy outside the cave to keep the family fed for the next whenever, silently sought a gesture of appreciation for their hard work and heroism. The massed female reaction, while appreciative of the generosity of effort for their behalf, also contained an undertone of archetypal reaction also going back to the stone age.
"Men, eh." Whispered one Julie to the other and Gina grinned in sympathetic agreement.
On Christmas day, Karen woke up to feel nothing in particular. She rolled over in bed to take in the view of her flat, and nothing was much different from any other day except for the token baubles put up as an afterthought and the usual small silver Christmas tree in the corner of her room. Everything was so quiet and empty in her flat and the dim colourless light filtered in through cracks in the curtains. She had a dim ancestral memory of unwrapping Christmas presents down on the carpet with a laughing Ross at her side, slaving over an impossibly large dinner and the flow of alcohol later on in the precious time when Ross was asleep in bed but where was everything right now when she needed it? Perhaps Christmastime was so precious then as it was so hard won. This was for two reasons, once in terms of getting time off work as a relatively powerless nurse low down in the line of authority and twice in the way her monthly pay had been so tightly stretched for the run up to Christmas. These days, money came easy and she could afford to buy what she wanted and the only authority she had to answer to was her own sense of commitment. She had got a lot of what she had strived for so hard……except a family. That was what Christmas was about surely, underneath all the glossy adverts and cheap cards.
She had got up eventually, spent time desultorily eating a few token chocolates and switching on the television to cheer herself up. Instantly, she regretted her decision as what should come on the box but the Eastenders Christmas special. The only thing that stopped her switching the television off was that she had no idea what else she would do with her time. What appeared before her numbed consciousness was the brassy glare and overbright colours of the Queen Vic and an overdose of cheeriness. She let it play on even if, to her taste, the whole thing was tastelessly tacky and overdone. To her gloomy reveries, some part of the nation was indulging themselves in some such fashion and she wasn't. When she couldn't stand it anymore, she switched the television off and crushed out the stub of another cigarette. Christmas left some gaping void in her life and she desperately needed something to latch onto. Then the idea popped into her head from out of the blue to go to Larkhall instead. Her second instinct was to dismiss it as an utterly crazy idea. On reflection, she judged that she should look at the idea critically and not dismiss it out of hand. After all, she reasoned to herself, there was nothing else on offer. Her closest friends are bound to have retreated within the barricades of stocked up Christmas dinner, chocolates and lines of alcohol, not to emerge for several days. It was just that she had put Christmas to the back of her mind ironically just when she had most power and money to decide it for herself. If she has any family left now, it lies at Larkhall, prisoners and prison officers alike. Grabbing hold of a large Christmas cake, well seasoned in alcohol, she emerged from her bunker into the clear bright day.
At the other end of Karen's Gina and Selena were fiddling about with the artistic touches of putting up baubles, made obviously of plastic so that the likes of Natalie wouldn't be conveniently armed with a jagged glass weapon. Both worked wordlessly, the one instinctively passing the next Christmas decoration to the other and gradually the finished article had been taking place. The Julies were watching the whole process in appreciation before sliding off to their cell for their own purposes. All year was one continuous process of serving meals and cleaning bogs as opposed to the more humdrum activities that some of the other prisoners were detailed to do. Christmas day meant that their activities were reduced to the minimum outside mealtime and, in a modest way, the prisoners would be allowed to 'chill out' later on. Normally, they made do with the meager resources and the Julies' all-purpose skills in magicking something out of nothing. This year was shaping up to be different.
"We got to check the booze is stashed away so nobody will find it." Muttered Julie Johnson with an insistent edge to her voice.
"All right this one time but after that just leave it out till evening"
Sighing with inevitable acquiescence, Julie Saunders gave way and in the tone of words common to all those parents whose will to refuse has been gradually ground down. She led the way to check again that Yvonne's generosity would be carefully guarded. It really wasn't a good idea to overdo it as it only took that bitch Natalie Buxton to catch half a hint as to what was going on that she would throw a spanner in the works out of sheer spite. Besides, they had visiting time coming up to see their kids whom they hadn't seen for ages.
"What do you think about nipping into Larkhall? We've done the usual and bought more chocolates than we'll ever get to eat?" Nikki pronounced out of nowhere.
Helen felt lazy, replete and in the mood to let the morning pass by in a delicious comfortable haze but Nikki had one of her ideas pop into her mind.
"You don't have to go into Larkhall because you think you're indispensable. Don't fall for that one the way I used to"
"That's not the reason. I know by now that I can let anyone of my staff do what needs doing without having to worry if they're doing it right. It's not like in your day when you had to watch out for those backstabbing bastards. It only took a few of them and most of the rest of them holding back to make your life a misery. No, I just fancy going in as if I were a visitor and bring in a bit of a token present to those who won't have what the rest of us are getting on the outside. Except for the Julies and Denny, most of those I knew way back when are on the outside now. Not all of us are that lucky. Christmas dinner's prepared but I don't feel like eating till later. Come on, Helen. We've time to pop over for a quick visit"
Helen studied Nikki closely and could see how quickly she had relaxed after one night away from work. After six months, she had thoroughly established her presence. From what she had picked up from Nikki, it had slowly dawned on Helen that being wing governor of G wing need not be a traumatic experience. This Christmas was the first one when both of them could take well-deserved time off together for time together with each other. In contrast every year up till the last, Nikki's club just had to be open night after night for everyone else's Christmas revelry. Nikki could not pass up the business and felt compelled to do her share of the work. This burden was off her shoulders and she looked the fresher and more relaxed for it. What could be nicer for both of them if they chose to pop into Nikki's place of work at Larkhall, and not because they had to. That made all the difference and won her over as much by that as by Nikki's soft persuasive ways. They had enough time to take it easy later on and let life flow gently round them.
"All right, Nikki, you're on. It would be a bit of fun."
Nikki grabbed a big tin of Roses chocolates and as they made their way to the car, they both noticed how utterly deserted the streets were. It would be nice to gently motor over to Larkhall rather than fight their way through the traffic.
It was visiting time at Larkhall and Lauren and Yvonne crossed the courtyard along with David Saunders and Rhiannon Dawson but were oblivious of the intersecting paths of the apparently unrelated strangers. Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, Lauren noticed a familiar face with sharp, chiseled features that was smiling at her. For the life of her she couldn't place this half remembered face. This was most unusual for Lauren who shared her mother's capacious memory for faces and names and the deeds, good or bad, which were written indelibly into their names.
"Don't you remember me? I'm Rhiannon Dawson. You took me and my brother to visit my mother. You know her as Julie Johnson."
Lauren opened her mouth and she was able to connect this tall, smartly dressed woman with what seemed like the little schoolgirl who was nervous of her, of the whole harsh unfamiliar world outside her limited experience. Lauren was the self-assured adult to whom Rhiannon had followed with blind trust. The other woman had changed not so much physically but in her manner, which had control and poise and made Lauren adjust her perspective smartly.
"Of course. My, how you've changed. You've grown up so much"
Lauren's spontaneous reaction made her feel a little foolish. It seemed only recently that her time spent inside here had made her the recipient of such comments.
"Sounds a lot better than being told I'm throwing my life away"
Lauren smiled vaguely in return as her gaze wavered away from her and took in the tall, handsome fair haired man standing next to Rhiannon as if he knew her. Some feeling told her that she ought to be able to place him.
"Don't I know you from somewhere?" she hazarded a guess.
"I've not seen you before." He kindly reassured her." But I'm David Saunders. You'll know my mother Julie Saunders"
"Of course. Your mum was always talking about you. I'm Lauren Atkins in case you didn't know"
While this went on, Yvonne stood back from the conversation as Lauren was obviously dealing with the situation quite capably. Only later on, while they waited to go in did Yvonne start chatting to them. They filed in all feeling very strange that they ought to have known each other but didn't. There were very strong ties that bound these three strangers together even if they hadn't seen each other before today. It was the vivid pen pictures drawn for each of them by those who really did know each other and were bound by unbreakable ties, no matter where all of them were physically scattered now.
Denny caught sight of the Julies' children the moment they came into view. She was lost for words as she heard the brief introductions. She let big sister handle this one as she couldn't get her head round with the mental image of the Julies' kids who, in her mind, were still kids from the way the Julies talked of them. A little while later, Yvonne's gregarious nature merged the three geometrically separate sets of tables and chairs into one convivial crowd. Dominic was on duty and noticed this but turned a blind eye to this rather than adopt Sylvia's military approach of each to their own visitor.
A chorus of greetings from all sides greeted Karen as she set foot on the wing, which touched her. It warmed her heart as something that made her feel needed. The sight of the box under her arm attracted curiosity from the prisoners. She made her way to the canteen area, which was set out for the slight concession to Christmas dinner as opposed to the sausage and beans or regular meat pie and chips. The Julies were returning to the wing with big smiles all over their faces and were ready to set to with more of a will to get the dinner ready when Karen mouthed silently that she wanted their attention.
"Why Miss Betts. It's a surprise to see you here on Christmas day. I would have thought you'd have the week off and go out and enjoy yourself. Larkhall ain't exactly the place when everyone on the outside want to go out to enjoy themselves and let their hair down. I wouldn't have thought that you'd have wanted to bother coming in here."
"Do you really think I'd feel that way about you all?"
The Julies were totally taken aback by the wholly unexpected tenderness in Miss Betts voice, that most correct of governors. They vaguely knew that she cared about them in her way but that was because she was dead professional. Nothing personal ever entered the picture today, not even in that backhanded fashion. Their mouths remained open but, for once, they were stuck for words.
"I also want your help to slice this Christmas cake. I don't know off hand just how many there are to go round"
"Go round who"
"Why, the two of you and all the rest on G Wing. Who else"
"Let's have a butchers at how big it is." Julie S said after a long pause. This kindness was all the more welcome as it was so unexpected. They would enjoy even a small sliver better than some bored businessman with a slap up meal before him at the Ivy. Deftly, she unfolded the flap and gasped at the sight of the huge and sumptuous cake. She judged that she would need her extra long carving knife from the wall rack.
"It looks lovely, fantastic." She said at last. "I can't think what to say except that it looks dead tasty"
"It should do with the alcohol inside it…….."Karen commented dryly.
Julie J's smiled vaguely in response, concealing her concern at the coincidence of events. A slice of that and Yvonne's booze and she feared that they would all be off their trollies at lockup time.
"…….so I need your help in cutting the cake." Continued Karen briskly.
"How many pieces is that?" asked Julie Saunders as she tried to picture all the prisoners in G Wing and failed dismally.
There was a long pause while Karen looked blankly at Julie. For some obscure reason, it had slipped her mind. Eventually she found words to think and speak in answer.
"I'll check my records and I'll come and tell you."
Helen and Nikki arrived at the gates of Larkhall and Helen was taken aback to have to sign the visitor's book and turn her handbag inside out for Ken's attention. For a fraction of a second, she imagined that she would pass through on the nod in the way she used to do. She smiled to herself more than anyone else when she realized that she was just a visitor, nothing more and Larkhall had no demands on her apart from being the passive subject of another institution's rules and regulations. She snapped into place the 'visitor' clip on badge where once she had fastened the 'Governing Governor' badge. It made all that seem a long time ago. Helen checked herself in not leading the way to G Wing as once she did and followed Nikki's lead instead, carrying the tin of chocolates. As Nikki
opened the last set of gates and appeared in the wing,
"Why it's Nikki," the Julies gasped breathlessly, totally taken aback to see two unexpected but very welcome visitors. "And Miss Stewart an' all"
Helen broke into hearty laughter at being greeted in this fashion. The words conveyed a distant memory with a confused feel to it.
"I'm not your boss any more, everyone. I'm on Civvy Street now and you can call me Helen. Everyone else does. We've just popped in to bring you a tin of chocolates to make Christmas a bit brighter. I just hope we don't get under Karen's feet"
"I thought that you'd be sitting back, watching television, and taking it easy. I'm delighted to see you here." Barbara spoke in clear crisp tones, somehow in the same way that she had always talked to them when all of them were on the outside. They might as well all have been talking in the bar round the corner of the Old Bailey.
"I thought I was just coming in to bring in some chocolates to stop me eating them all and putting on weight"
"That's a good one, Nikki. You know, pigs might fly." Gina's blunt rejoinder came as a disembodied voice through from the back of the semi circle of women gathered around them.
"Well, you've got to think of these things." Came Nikki uncharacteristically coy reply to the general laugh from all sides. An atmosphere of light hearted joviality had gently gathered them all up and made them all very talkative when Karen turned the corridor from returning from her very rapid check of the prisoner records. Her face lit up to hear two very distinctive voices in the middle of the hubbub. Coming closer to the crowd completed the process of coming in from the cold and dark to a clearing where the red flickering light of a blazing bonfire gradually banished the chill in her bones and bathed everything in warm friendly colours. She couldn't wait to join the crowd.
"What a lovely surprise to see you both"
"We thought we'd do our Mother Christmas bit with a few chocolates."came Nikki's self-effacing reply.
"I've just had the best but you can't beat real friendship at Christmastime. That's the best present of all"
"I hope that the rest of the day won't fall flat after this." Nikki asked solicitously in a gap in the general conversation.
"Now you come to mention it, some of the girls are thinking of carrying on this party to our cell if that's all right with you Miss." Julie J said with wide-eyed innocence.
"Yeah, there's a couple of the new girls come here just before Christmas and are really missing their nearest and dearest. It will help them settle in, like." Julie Saunders hastily jumped in with her interjection. She hadn't planned on Ju going and blurting it out like this, not before about the sharpest pair of eyes who looked sharply at her. Lucky for them, Miss Stewart was gabbing away to the governor or they would really have the Spanish Inquisition. Yvonne had arranged special delivery but that didn't mean Nikki knew about it or wanted to know about it.
"And you're both in charge of this?" Nikki said at last after an agonizingly long pause for reflection.
"Oh yeah, miss." They both said for the first time in their lives at the same time. Inwardly, Nikki grinned to herself as she suspected that this was a load of flannel but keeping the straightest face she could summon up, she delivered her verdict.
"Then I trust that everything is in safe hands." Came her clipped reply with a distinct emphasis on the word 'trust' before continuing in a softer gentler tone. "I really hope you all enjoy yourselves and everyone gets looked after"
The Julies nodded eagerly at Nikki and were conscious of a sharp draft of cold air, which seemed to come from down the staircase. The atmosphere suddenly seemed to turn strange for no accountable reason. They dismissed it as some kind of reaction to the stress of the last few minutes and Julie S explained to Nikki.
"It's got bloody cold. I've just had a funny feeling as if somebody's stepped on my grave if you know what I mean. I don't need to read my tea leaves to reckon that one out."
From the top of the threes, a pair of disembodied haunted eyes stared disbelievingly down on them. He was no stranger to Larkhall but it was not the Larkhall that he knew. The panoramic view below him seemed totally familiar yet nightmarish in its total distortion. His eyes refused to believe what was in front of him yet it seemed as real as he was. He longed to shout out the words that used to come so easily to him," shut it, you bitches","Everyone, back to your cells or you'll all be banged up" but the words refused to come out of his mouth. He reached out for his mobile to call for back up but it wasn't there, nothing that he was used to being around him was there. Both hands gripped at the top of the staircase rails but there was no feel in his hands anymore. He felt frighteningly powerless and unable to impose his presence on all around him as he was always used to doing. He gazed despairingly round at someone who would help him but even Sylvia and Di were no longer there. He refused to look at his enemies and his eyes burnt beseechingly at Karen. Surely to God, the stupid cow could see him but she carried on, laughing and joking with Stewart who had returned from God knows where. He thought he has seen her off years ago but even she had crawled back from under the woodwork. This couldn't be real, surely.
He gripped his head in his hands and slumped to the floor and reached out for something real to cling onto while this nightmare refused to go away from in front of his eyes. He even punched desperately at the nearest vertical bars of the metal staircase which ought to have cracked his knuckles with frightful pain but that didn't happen either. His fist seemed to travel through the bar without connecting with it. He didn't connect with anything and now he began to feel really afraid. As if to get away from the horrid suspicion in his mind, he looked again at the wing laid out below him from a position, which gave him far too good a view of the madness. In the corner was a Christmas tree, a bloody Christmas tree with decorations. Stewart was laughing and handing out sweeties to Blood and Hunt while Wade looked as if she owned the place. Those two daft women
were passing out Christmas cake from some liberal prisoner lover. Everyone was bloody laughing- were they laughing at him, he wondered? There's only one thing he could think of as the scenery was sickeningly happy and lovey dovey sodding sisterhood bonding. They wouldn't have Jim Fenner to kick around any more, pension or no pension.
He really missed Sylvia and Di Barker as they were the only friends of his. No one else really appreciated him and could remember the good old days. Why hadn't they come round to see him recently? It was ages since he'd seen them. He started to feel maudlin and depressed and isolated at the thought of it.
"Scrooge ..became sensible of confused voices in the air; sounds of lamentation and regret; wailings inexpressibly sorrowful and self-accusatory .The spectre joined in the mournful dirge and floated out on the bleak dark night.
Scrooge looked out of the window, desperate in his curiosity. The air was filled with phantoms, wandering in restless haste, and moaning as they went. Every one of them wore chains like Marley's Ghost ….Many had been known to Scrooge in their lives. He had been quite familiar with one old ghost in a white waistcoat with a monstrous iron safe attached to his ankle, who cried piteously at being unable to assist a wretched woman with an infant whom it saw upon a doorstep. The misery of them all was, clearly, that they sought to interfere for good in human matters and had lost the power forever………"
"At least we won't have Fenner putting the mockers on all the fun. He's dead and gone." He heard Blood shout out. He was too angry at that dyke bitch cheeking him to realize the horrible significance of the remark for a few moments. But that surely can't be. He must be alive. There's so much more he could do in this nick and he hadn't even got to be a permanent suit, only some stand in for those he was most jealous of, first Stewart, then Betts and now.
"We aint't never had a wing governor come in over Christmas day before……" Julie Johnson said
"What else could I do, Julie. After all, behind all the uniform, I'm only Nikki."
That quiet exchange was a bombshell to Fenner. He couldn't believe his ears and realized at last that he must really be cracking up. That bitch Wade who's stood on the steps of that lousy Court of Appeal and had the cheek to accuse him on daytime TV of being some kind of rapist was one bloody nightmare for him. He had worried for weeks what would all the neighbours think of him. It choked him to think that she, of all people, had waltzed in to wear the suit that he had thirsted for for years and had worked so hard in sucking up to all the bosses over him. He had to find one single thing he could cling onto. As his mind raced furiously and frantically, he thought that he had found the answer. He looked down at himself as his last chance to reassure himself of his own normality, even if the rest of the world was a bloody madhouse. He was wearing a check lumberjack shirt and casual trousers and they looked superficially the same as normal except that he looked like he'd been dragged through a hedge backwards. He must have been out on the piss, taken a wander round some park and fallen flat on his face. He couldn't remember any of it. Then, when he looked closer, there was far too much earth that had stuck to him and had become embedded in his clothes. He started to worry. It was when he went to straighten his clothes when he noticed a round tear in the shirt material. He sighed in exasperation that they'll have to go to the menders as well as the launderette. As he peered closer and felt at it, he realized that the hole extended right into his body. He started to scream soundlessly to himself while, only a couple of staircases below, the revelries of Christmas went on, oblivious to him…..
"………The Ghost Of Christmas Yet to Come conveyed him, as before, not into the resorts of businessmen, but went straight on until they reached a churchyard…. Walled in by houses, overrun by grass and weeds; choked up with too much dying. A worthy place! The Spirit stood among the graves and pointed down to One. He advanced towards it trembling. The phantom was exactly as it had been but he dreaded that he saw new meaning in its solemn shape. Scrooge crept towards it, trembling as he went and, following the finger, read upon the stone of the neglected grave his own name: EBEBEZER SCROOGE………" …….and Fenner was gradually being drawn in helplessly and moving ever closer despite his own will to resist and back away, He witnessed the square carved words on the rectangular slab become clearer every second and imprint the words on his mind: JAMES FENNER. He carried on screaming wordlessly as, at last he realized that now there was no redemption, no chance of ever getting back into the game of life and that somewhere out there he lay under the earth. Sylvia and Di Barker would not return to him. His life was finished whereas their lives would carry on and would pull away from where he was.
"You don't have to stay round here, Nikki.You need a rest and to take Helen home with you. We'll be all right now." Julie Johnson's very tender words and big blue eyes that touched Nikki's heart also froze Fenner's ghost with the tormented realization of that last diabolical pain of reality inflicted on him, far worse than the flames of hell. His sight darkened as even his sight failed him and he was slowly swallowed up into the nothingness where he had come from.
Nikki's eyes flickered indecisively as Julie J had read her thoughts but what else should she expect. There was a gentle warm glow amongst all those present. There was something else that Nikki ought to do and it came to her at last.
"Hey Karen, do you want to come over with us for Christmas"
Helen was chatting to Barbara but heard Nikki's suggestion. She turned her head and nodded approval of the idea. In turn Karen's ears pricked up as she stood next to Gina, looking on approvingly in general and gently basking in the good spirits.
"Well, if I'm not putting you out"
"Don't tell me that you've got work to do on Christmas day. Don't forget, I've had a spell doing your job. The place won't fall apart without you. Of course, if you've got alternative arrangements"
Karen's mind shifted decisively to the answer to her needs. The memory of her morose gloomy start to the day wanted her to have some colour and light in her life.
"Well, if you're putting it this way"
"We are"
"Then," continued Karen, grinning at Helen's determined retort, "I can't keep you waiting but I'd just like to wish you all a happy Christmas before I go." Even while she was talking about leaving, she was shuffling her feet and procrastinating
"Don't worry, we will." Muttered Julie Saunders under her breath.
"Go on, Miss Betts. You go on and enjoy yourself. You deserve it." Yelled out Denny.
Karen's mind was blurred as it gradually struck her that, with Nikki and Helen flanking her on either side and Gina and Dominic bringing up the rear, it was as if she were a long term prisoner being given off a right royal send off by prisoners and prison officers alike. Just for once in her life, she hadn't got her overstuffed briefcase with her, which made her feel a little naked. She couldn't work out afterwards how she found herself outside the prison walls and, just once, she was glad to hand over her responsibility.
She was on a different track from her already very familiar track from flat to work and back and this was a welcome break for her. The roads were quiet and she felt at peace with herself as she lazily steered her car with the winter sunshine slanting into her eyes. In no time at all, she pulled up outside Helen and Nikki's flat in the quiet side street and into the basement flat. Instantly, she lay back in the armchair and let a lazy feeling float her away down the river. There was a cosy lived in feeling that relaxed her straightaway. Despite the grudging corner of the bookcase where Nikki kept some of her work files, the majority of it was rows of well-thumbed paperbacks, which expansively spanned decades of reflective thinking of all kinds. Helen's neat rows of psychology books and journals started from the bottom of the bookcase and merged into her choice of books which were not easily distinguishable from Nikki's
"You take it easy, Karen, stick a CD on or whatever while we get Christmas dinner ready"
As Nikki's voice died on the air, Karen took up the invitation and slipped on a "Pretenders Greatest Hits" CD and a perfect carillon of chiming bell like guitar notes resonated and repeated itself from the speakers wrapping her up in a feeling of old time Christmas cheer while over the top a very sultry sexy female voice unreeled the feelings
of vast distances across the winter wastelands and of a coming reunion.
"He's gone 200 miles It's very far The snow is falling down Gets colder day by day I miss you
The children will sing He'll be back at Christmastime
In these frozen and silent nights Sometimes in a dream you appear Outside under the purple sky Diamonds in the snow sparkle Our hearts were singing It feels like Christmastime…."
The song was joyful, not painful as she might have thought from the words and, yes, while the song wasn't about her, she would let it cheer her up and put aside any self defensive shield of cynicism at least for the moment. Time passed slowly as she could dream awhile in this haven. The front room had that easy familiarity and comfort about it.
"Dinner's ready, Karen," she was hailed by Helen at perhaps unnecessary volume through the side door to the kitchen. "Like your taste in music. At least you didn't put on a Cliff Richard CD"
"What Cliff Richard CD?" demanded Nikki in sharp incredulity.
"The CD we haven't got." Came Helen's joking reply. "Anyway, it's time to eat."
Before Karen's wide open eyes, the trio of candles in the centre of the dining table left their friendly glow and the corners of the room faded out into intimate semi darkness. Nikki and Helen served plates of sliced turkey and serving dishes with vegetables, roast potatoes, chipolata sausages , two sets of stuffings, gravy and bread sauce. Two bottles of chilled white wine gave the promise of the perfect accompaniment. This was an absolute feast of rarity of experience for Karen, the working sometimes single parent upon whose shoulders, past Christmases were burdened. The smell of the dinner to be served blended with two pairs of kindly eyes who only meant their disinterested best for Karen's peace of mind. She could rightly feel that she could make way for uncomplicated guilt free pleasure and that once of her choices in life was the right one.