Wednesday February 1st 2006 seemed a long time since Christmas, at Larkhall and everywhere else on earth. It was the time of the year where only grim perseverance enabled humanity as a whole to get through to brighter summer times. It was this prospect of hope that Barbara was most hard put to sustain as the seasons and the timings of the machinery of justice threatened to drag her down. The Christmas tree had been removed and so had the tinsel and grey skies swirled low over the tops of the prison complex and intermittent rain beat down on it. It made her increasingly reluctant to come out of her cell when she didn't have to.
It was something that was not lost on those who cared for her. They all hovered around as the days passed but felt helpless to talk to her.
"Nikki, we wanted to have a quick word with you about Babs. We're dead worried about her being so near to the trial"
"You and me both……..and Denny and Karen as well for sure." Nikki admitted frankly as they spoke in a corner of the canteen. The names fell out of her mind in no particular order no matter their respective positions in the prison system. It was stating the obvious to say that they all felt the same but the Julies crystallized into words the thoughts
that had whirled around at the back of Nikki's mind. With a trial date set for Monday February 6th 2006, she dared not think of the possibility that Barbara might not get her freedom at the end of it.
"What can we do to help her?" they chorused.
"I don't know. Any one of us could talk to her but I don't know what good it would do her….we're all held back because we've been there before and we know how it feels….let me think"
The Julies kept quiet as they knew full well that Nikki worked best when she was left to herself to think the matter through. Then a light dawned across her face much to the Julies' relief.
"I've got it. I think that Yvonne's coming to visit her this Saturday but I need to check up and make sure I'm right"
"You'll let us know for sure, Nikki"
"Give me ten minutes and I'll come and tell you." Nikki said firmly. The Julies cheered up slightly at her words. There was a difference between five isolated individuals worrying alone and talking with each other and getting Yvonne on the case.
One look at Barbara and Yvonne was immediately concerned for her. She could sense the dark circles of worry under her eyes and the tension that was rising off her in the noisy cluttered echoing space that was the visitor's room.
"If there's anything we can do for you, Barbara, just let me know"
"I'm perfectly well aware of what you can and can't do for me. I should know by well from all the time I've ever spent here." Snapped Barbara at the well-meaning Dominic. He glanced sideways at Yvonne to ask for her help before making a tactful retreat back to his desk.
"I can tell that you're wound up but don't worry, Babs, everything will work out in the end." Yvonne said with all the warmth and reassurance that she could conjure up.
"'It's all very well you saying 'don't worry, but you know very well that it's one thing to know you're not guilty and quite another matter when you're in the dock. My own past experience hasn't given me a lot of faith in British justice"
The choice of words and the bitterness with which she had expressed them were like an arrow to Yvonne's large heart. She knew that she had fared better than Dominic's more circumspect attempt to help, as Barbara knew full well that Yvonne had shared her experience three times over, her own experience and, in differing ways, for Lauren and for Ritchie. Yvonne knew that it was fruitless for her to mention this to Barbara as such comparisons, though well meant and the truth, wasn't going to help.
"Ah, that's because you hadn't exactly had the backup that you've got going for you now. Last time, you were up against those stepchildren"
"Pooh, don't remind me of them." Interrupted Barbara testily." I bet they'll be queuing up to get a ringside seat in the gallery. They're all I need right now"
"Relax, Babs. All they can do is to glare at you from the sidelines. They can't do any damage"
"…….how do I know they won't be called as witnesses." Barbara interrupted.
"How can they?" Yvonne reasoned with her.
"Are you some kind of legal expert"
"Of course I'm not, Babs. The way I remember it, they were witnesses last time because they knew how Peter's will was made up and they were snooping around all the time he was poorly. But we're talking about Henry. They didn't know him from Adam or anything about him. They haven't seen you in five years give or take a bit except for that time you gave one of them a cracker of a slap across the face right here. I was very impressed with the style of it, professionally speaking, though I say it myself."
The faintest smile flickered across Barbara's face and then it was gone but Yvonne knew that some contact had been made.
"Look, Babs, I'm going to a case conference tonight with George and Jo, Nikki and Helen, two top consultants and a top American pathologist."
"A pity I won't be there." Came the dry response.
"They'll all be there for you," emphasized Yvonne." That's a hell of a lot better than one of Charlie's dodgy briefs and the mob who were great at using brute force but not in the same league as the combined talent we've got"
"I still think that I'll get sent down at the end of the day"
"I don't get you, Babs. All the time I've ever known you, you've been the one who's been strong with your Christian faith while I've gone up and down depending on how I've felt and how good or bad my life's been going on, me and all my nearest and dearest. I ain't going to come on like some preaching vicar but you've just got to have faith. It ain't like you not to have faith"
"What do you know about Christian faith?" Barbara queried in a slightly irritated fashion. Yvonne's constant repetition of the word, which encapsulated her whole belief system, was nagging away at her. Even at a moment like this, she could not be oblivious to her faith.
"I know absolutely sod all but I know that you have to have faith in those who are working for you and for yourself. I know what lack of faith in myself can do to me. I've been there and you know it"
Somehow the words sank in and Yvonne could see the faintest light of hope in Barbara's eyes. She dared not hope too much and she knew that she had pushed the matter as far as she could. They chattered awhile on trivial matters but Yvonne's sharp eyes told her that Barbara was fractionally closer to her old self. Yvonne breathed a sigh of relief and hoped that the case conference would live up to her gut instinct and whatever brains she was given.
At night when Barbara went to bed while others debated her destiny, a prayer popped into her mind that she first heard as a child. She kneeled on the bare floor while she mouthed the following words and prayed for the strength to face this next life's challenge.
"Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul does keep And, if I die before I wake I pray the Lord my soul to take."
Instantly, they triggered a further memory. Crystal had told her of that simple heartfelt prayer that another Zandra, Zandra Plackett, had recited just before she had died. Zandra had everything to live for but a brain tumour had taken her life away from her as did lung cancer did for Henry. Both of them would gently reproach Barbara for giving way to despair for both of them had to deal with the dying while all Barbara had to do was to deal with the living. It made her feel ashamed but, yes God would forgive her and she had time to make amends in apologizing to those she had pushed away and to face the trial with as much spirit as she could summon up. It was not beyond her, she muttered to herself while her finger traced out the shape of the cross. She could do more than utter these words. It came down to faith, the point where she had started out in her life.