Life in Yvonne's house made a restful haven for Barbara for her to find her feet, as she woke up bright and early on Saturday morning. For a start, the bed she lay in was luxuriously soft, and the duvet incredibly enveloping. Her possessions from the vicarage had been set out in the spare room that she occupied. First sight in the morning, it gave the room a feeling of familiarity and made it feel like home. Best of all to her, the bedroom door was only shut with her permission. By turning the handle, she could have the run of the house when she wanted. She could go to bed, and get up in the morning, whenever she wished. This made life so simple and unregimented. It just so happened that she got dressed early, wandered into the living room to find Yvonne making tea and toast and smiling at her to sit back and take it easy while she pottered in the kitchen.
She soon found out that there was a quiet restful undemanding quality about Yvonne that she had not fully appreciated before. She could read the entire contents of the Guardian over a morning cup of tea, and maintain a companionable silence, knowing that Yvonne was there. This alone seemed like luxury to her. Her memories reached back to when she and Yvonne used to share the same tea table at Larkhall but now, there was no Shell Dockley, no Fenner and Bodybag to jangle her danger instincts. It was inevitable that memories came back to her of the Julies and Denny still in Larkhall but she knew she had to let them fade temporarily in order to let her heal herself at Yvonne's house. The faces and voices at the celebration party had agreed with her. Even the abbreviated report of her trial and release on Page 17 did not disturb her composure. Barbara finished her second cup of tea and decided to take a stroll around the back garden. Outside the warmth of the house, it was a rare sunny winter's day. The grass was speckled by dead leaves, the icy cold water in the swimming pool awaited the coming of the summer seasons and sunbeams angled low across the lawn, casting exaggeratedly long shadows across the lawn from the bare trees. Barbara paced around the garden, deep in contemplation until the cold proved too much for her.
While the rest of the morning passed effortlessly by in a dreamy haze doing nothing in particular, more definite plans started to shape themselves in Barbara's mind, without the need for even kindly men and women in uniforms to arrange them for her. She didn't realize that Lauren, who had been imprisoned far longer than she had been, took a lot longer to brave the outside world.
"Yvonne, I've been thinking. I ought to start doing something with my time and I thought
I'd visit Henry's grave"
"You're ready for it, Babs"
"I'm sure of it. I would very much like you to give me a lift there, Yvonne. I was thinking
of going this afternoon if that's possible"
"You tell me the time and I'll be ready."
The day drifted on until close to the appointed hour and Barbara disappeared to get
changed. While Yvonne was attending to her makeup, her sharp ears just picked out the
faint call from Lauren from some distant part of the house.
"I'm just going with Trigger to Cassie's and Roisin's."
Yvonne didn't try to shout back as, by now, Lauren would be outside the front door.
What was strange today was that, for once, Yvonne wasn't the last to be ready. From
rustling sounds, Yvonne gathered that Barbara was changing her clothes. She sat back
reading a magazine taking it easy until the soft sounds of footsteps announced a nervous
looking, immaculately dressed Barbara.
"Do I look properly dressed, Yvonne"
"You look fine, Babs"
Yvonne's warm, easy going tones visibly reassured Barbara and she led the way to her
car. While Yvonne unlocked the car, Barbara looked around and was dazzled by the view
around her. Yvonne's house sprawled with perfect luxurious ease outside which her
gleaming car spelt luxury. The view felt spectacular as she had come here in the pitch
dark.
Presently, Yvonne drove them through the almost unbearably vivid, new painted
countryside where everything looked fresh. With practiced easy, Yvonne drew them
close to the church and Barbara started to get nervous. All her time at Larkhall, she had
kept in her mind's eye, precious images of when she was so happy with Henry with the
vicarage, the church and church hall at the centre of their universe. Today, she would
confront that reality, when she knew that time and people had moved on .
'If you don't mind, Yvonne, I don't want to go near the church or the vicarage. I just
want to visit Henry's grave. He'll be there, even if everyone else isn't"
"Whatever you want, Babs. I'll sit in the car for as long as you want as I suppose you'll
want to be on your own with him"
Barbara smiled gratefully at the other woman's thoughtfulness and set out unsteadily,
veering away from the church as far as possible. Amongst the ancient carved headstones
and cropped grass, her past was comfortably distanced and some instinct led her to the
particular sharp edged sturdy stone shape and the carved words, which announced his
presence. An immense feeling of peace and communion flowed into her, and time ceased
to flow. She knelt on the grass and silently, her lips started to move.
"Well, Henry dear, I'm here at last even if I have been a little late. Some foolish people had the utterly absurd idea that I had united you with your maker earlier than God wished it. I have been back at Larkhall, you know, back to where we first met. I'm glad to say that I was treated very kindly by nearly everyone, the Julies, Denny whom of course you remember. Of course Bodybag was her usual heartless ignorant self but what else would you expect of her? I've a surprise to tell you, Henry, as to just who is running G Wing these days.You'll have heard me talk of my dear friend, Nikki, who was so protective of me when I first came to Larkhall. Well, she's in charge now and ,with Karen above her, they couldn't have been kinder. It hasn't been easy at times in prison but I know your illness wasn't either, Henry. What I wanted to tell you most of all that at the very end of my trial, all those friends of us from the orchestra were with us, cheering us on in our hearts. You will remember of course, John and Monty. They were so kind and patient with us for what cannot have been a pleasant prospect. As for Jo and George, they moved heaven and earth so that I could be free. You'll remember George very well, from presenting the bouquet of roses to her and how nervous she was. Well, both she and Jo were as resolute as steel this last fortnight. You would have been proud of them all if you had seen them………….It was a pity that you weren't able to talk as much to them as much as you had wished, after the performance but I knew how much it took it out of you to deliver that final and very gracious speech of yours………"
A passing couple quietly threaded their way through the graveyard, out for a healthy morning's walk and, even in their momentary mood of contemplation, thought nothing of the middle aged woman kneeling before a grave, the odd tear stealing down her cheeks. She must be there for a good reason, they thought, before they made their way to the field at the far gate. The graveyard was a good place for acceptance of people, far better than some of the pitilessly fast rushing streets of London.
Yvonne lay back in the car, the bright winter sunshine shining in her eyes listening to the car radio. She didn't put on Bruce Springsteen as she might have done but reached for something softer and more reflective. It matched the way she could be when the mood took her. It was only when a lot of time had passed that she thought to discreetly check that Barbara was all right. She locked the car, glanced at the church and found her way to the graveyard. In the distance, she could make out Barbara so she stopped and leaned against an ancient stone wall.
"I'm free at last now, dear Henry, and I'm staying at Yvonne's house who know will look after me . I have been luckier than most, if I think about it. I have known and loved two good men while I know that friends of mine from Larkhall have not been so lucky. What I do with my life for the future, only God knows, but I know that you will never be far from my thoughts. Goodbye for now, Henry and rest peacefully and know that I shall return….."
It was only then that Barbara realized how frozen her hands and cheeks were and how cramped her body was. She got herself to her feet and saw Yvonne in the distant, smiling and infinitely patient. Time was unfettered, free to run at its own pace.