"Hermione heard the door creek open." –xoxomrshmalfoyxoxo, "It's You, It's Addiction"

"Oh, Ron, I'm glad you're back," she said, jumping up and rushing over to where her ginger comrade was descending the ladder. "I've been going over Kreacher's reports, and I think I know where the last Horcrux… oh, no, Ron, careful!"

But the warning came too late; as the aperture slid shut again, Ron inadvertently walked straight into the path of the falling stream, and yelped as several pints of water poured themselves down upon him. His expression, as the flow tapered off and he turned to her, was at once so pitiful and so self-consciously stoic that Hermione had to bite hard on her cheek to keep from giggling. "You'll never learn, will you?" she said. "Here."

Ron accepted the towel with good grace, if a touch of exasperation. "Honestly, I don't know what the point of this design is," he said, frowning up at the ceiling. "If we have to fight You-Know-Who from a hidden underground lair, why not have a door tree, or a door boulder, or something sensible like that? Why a door creek?"

Hermione shrugged. "Take it up with Aberforth," she said. "Anyway, as I was saying…"

"Is there something more interesting than Black Beatle Eyes and Monkshood under the table, Miss Granger?" –Mimi-san, "My Beautiful Mess"

"Sorry, Professor," said Hermione, straightening herself hastily. "Dropped my quill."

"Five points from Gryffindor for undue clumsiness," said Snape without missing a beat. "Now, as I was saying," he continued, turning back to the blackboard, "while Billy Preston was not actually a member of the Muggle group known as the Beatles, he did share billing on one of their records, and it is known that the members contemplated inviting him to join them shortly before their breakup. It is therefore likely that, if you were to remove one of his eyes, convert that one into several via the Plethora Charm, and seethe them in a broth of monkshood, the result would be as fine a Cat-Confusing Potion as any ever brewed. This principle also applies…"

Hermione shuddered involuntarily. She knew, of course, that Petrastric Alchemy was one of the great theoretic breakthroughs of modern Potions, and any decent seven-year course in the subject had to devote at least one day to it, whether or no anyone ever expected it to be practically useful. But, still, the idea of a Hogwarts professor, in a world still menaced by pure-blood fanaticism, calmly speculating about the mutilation of famous Muggles… maybe Harry was right about Snape, after all.

Still, knowledge was knowledge – so, with an effort, she wrenched her attention back to the lecture, and her hand resumed its automatic note-taking as Snape elucidated the miracles that would be possible to someone who could get hold of Smokey Robinson's big toe.

"Draco looked toward the darkening sky, and he yelled, 'Just give me damn sign!'" –fixingtoshine, "Happy Birthday, Hermione"

But no response from Providence was forthcoming, and Draco scowled and kicked at a convenient pinecone. He could, at that moment, have been snugly curled up in the Manor with a good book and a cup of tea; instead, here he was, wandering aimlessly over a dismal Norfolk heath, lugging around a crossbow that seemed to get heavier with every step he took, and unable to spot the faintest hint of footprints, droppings, shed feathers, or sign of any other description whatever.

Note to self, he thought. Once I get back home, Cormac McLaggen is no longer welcome in the Manor. I don't care if Noddy has to put some savage elf hoodoo on him or what, but he's never getting me on another nogtail hunt as long as I… was that a raindrop? That had better not have been a raindrop!

It was.

"With both of [us] doing it, we won another big stuff animal; it was a big panda bear." –sjt1988, "It's Hurt"

"You see, this is what I love about wizarding fairs," said Dominique, as she and Urson walked down the midway with their prizes lumbering along behind them. "Just a little bit of eye-hand coordination, and you can win Bucephalus, Lonesome George, and Ling-Ling, in quick succession."

Urson nodded. "Yes, our carnies do take pride in giving away big-stuff animals," he said. "I still don't see why you didn't want to try for Sue, though."

"Because I already have an uncle who raises dragons," said Dominique. "No household needs a Hungarian Horntail and a Tyrannosaurus in the back yard; that's just asking for trouble. –Come on, let's go get some cotton candy."