SFFAL Love Hina Soap Opera

This is the combined transcript of the Love Hina story being written by the members of the Shinobu Fan-Fiction Authors League. Each week, the writers submit their chapter, and these are amalgamated and reconciled by the GM who then adds any extra interaction before posting the completed chapter.

Noone has author powers in this game, it is supposed to be in keeping with the LH theme and most players are playing versions of themselves.

Currently you are welcome to contact Baka-Alaskan if you wish to join the league; however the game is not looking for extra players.

Players: Cody (Baka-Alaskan), Al (Althesushilovingfanficsage), Lance, Sam (British Dragon), Kyosuke (Blight), Ryuko, Maho(Deucetrick)

GM: Steve (CheshireCat5)

Chapter 9: Memories and predictions: FORTUNE

Lance's evening

Saturday evening, and peace reigned over Hinata. A few cars drove along the streets, evening birds trilled their last few songs from the trees, and an eight year old girl dragged her prospective boyfriend back to the dormitory, trussed up like a Christmas present.

"Sara, let me loose!" wailed Lance, struggling against his bonds.

"No way, sweetie!" responsed the precocious minx. "I'm dragging you back for a night o' lovin' that'll get Tama-chan chasing Dizzy all night..."

"But, damn it, you're only eight! Where do you get these ideas??"

Sara's answer was never told, however, for at that moment a large white van screeched to a halt next to them. Seta stuck his head out of the window, and cheerfully remarked,

"Hi Sara-chan! Playing with your new friends? What are you up to?"

"I'm dragging Lance back home for some wild nookie!"

"No she isn't!" screamed Lance, desperately. "Help!"

"That's nice, dear!" responded Seta, obliviously. "Have a good time! Don't forget to invite me to the wedding!"

"Of course!" grinned Sara.

"HELP! For the love of little green apples.."

"Oh, Lance-san, take good care of her for me, OK?" And with that, Seta crunched the van into gear, and shot off erratically in a cloud of dust.

Lance stared after Seta, a look of total disbelief on his face.

"Well then, lover, shall we go?" asked Sara, rhetorically.

Ryuko's night

Back at Hinata-sou, Ryuko went down the hall from her room and knocked on Kaolla's door.

"Who's there?"

"Ryuko. I came to get my PDA back."

"Come on in!"

Ryuko hadn't been in Kaolla's room yet. She blinked as she slid open the door and found herself staring at dense foliage. She stepped inside and ducked beneath some tree branches, looking for the occupant. "Where are you, Kaolla-chan?"

No sooner had she posed the question, than the queen of this jungle slid down one of the trees with a pair of bananas. "Would you like one of these, Ryuko-san?"

"Sure, thanks." Ryuko accepted the proffered fruit and peeled it as Kaolla led the way deeper into the room.

Kaolla picked up the PDA and handed it over. "Ryu-chan's been sleeping for a while now." Sure enough, his dragon avatar was curled up with animated "Z"s floating up and away from it.

"That means he's busy interpreting all the data he was exposed to--he's forming new associations and essentially recompiling himself. Sometimes it takes a while. You must've spent a lot of time playing with him today."

Kaolla grinned. "Uh-huh. I taught him some new games. He's lots of fun! I'd like to reverse-engineer him sometime..."

"I'm afraid that would be very difficult, if not impossible. His object code no longer disassembles cleanly...it's a mixture of undocumented opcodes, overlapping instructions, and self-modifying code. He rewrites himself so frequently that the code barely resembles what it looked like just a week prior. The memories in his database are so abstract that I can't make heads or tails of them when I inspect them anymore."

Kaolla nodded, seeming to understand. "Oh well. It would've been fun to find out what makes him tick!"

Ryuko smiled, finding the young girl's insatiable curiosity charming. She was glad to not be the only computer geek around. "Maybe someday we'll figure it out. Good-night, Kaolla-chan."

"'Night!"

Ryuko ducked under some branches and eventually found her way out of the jungle and back to her room, then promptly went to sleep.

Maho's Morning

Haruka sat alone on the floor of the living room, counting money. The teashop still wasn't doing very well, she realized sadly, as her fingers expertly shuffled through the meager stack of yen notes that were sitting on the table. Well, there was no helping it, she supposed.

Haruka heard steps coming down, and looked at the wall clock. It was 1:30 —- who could possibly be still awake at this hour?

"Haru-nee?"

She looked up at the source of the voice. Maho was standing next to her, in her nightgown and robe, looking tired. The older woman smiled warmly at her sister. "Yes, Maho-chan? Is there something you need?"

The young girl yawned, sitting down gently on the floor. "Can't sleep."

"Mm. Jet lag can take a while to get over."

"I guess so. I didn't think you'd be up, too." Maho looked at the money and papers all over the table. "Are you busy?"

"Oh, this?" Haruka began tidying up the mess. "It's nothing. I'm about done anyway."

"Why're you working so late?" Maho frowned, twirling her hair-spiral idly. "It's not good for you."

"Ahh, it's okay," Haruka replied casually. "I'm not that tired." She immediately betrayed herself with an enormous yawn.

Maho giggled. "You're just like an old lady," she said, pointing at Haruka's reading glasses.

"Hmph." The older woman promptly took off her glasses and stuck them into her apron, quickly changing the subject. "So how do you like your new home, Maho-chan? Are you getting along with the other residents?"

"Everything's fine." Maho smiled. "This place is a little strange, but I like it." She leaned back, stretching a little. "When did you start running this place with Kei-kun?"

"A couple years ago. He was a ronin when he started, you know."

"Really?"

"Yep. Failed his exams three times." Haruka smirked. "But he just kept going. Eventually he needed a job because Onee-san didn't want him to become a freeloader. So Mama let him stay here and become the kanrinrin (manager)."

"Ah." Maho nodded. "That was nice of her." She looked nostalgic for a moment. "I can barely remember the last time I saw Kei-kun, and now he's all grown up and taking care of this big old house. It's kind of shocking."

"It's also kind of fitting though, wouldn't you say?"

"Hm? What do you mean?"

Haruka looked at her sister, raising an eyebrow.

Maho returned the glance. "Nani yo?"

"You don't remember, do you?"

"Eh?" Maho looked puzzled. "Remember what?"

"Hm." Haruka nodded mysteriously.

"Hey!" The younger girl pouted. "Don't do that! You always try to act so cool and aloof all the time!"

"Only because I am." Haruka relaxed, lighting a cigarette. "Anyway, as I was saying. You really don't remember?"

She crossed her arms, annoyed. "Can't you just tell me?"

Haruka looked at her sister from the corner of her eye, taking a deep drag from her cigarette. It was a little while before she finally said it. And when she did break the silence, there was just the slightest hint of sadness that could be felt in her voice.

"Keitaro used to visit here all the time when he was a child. You did too, Maho-chan."

Morning

Keitaro trudged down the stairs, trying his best to ignore the brightness of the morning sun. He waved when he vaguely noticed two figures in the living room. "Ohayo…"

He paused. Haruka was sleeping on the floor with her mouth wide open, still wearing her work apron. The remnants of a cigarette butt dangled from her lower lip, which would have looked funny if it wasn't so unsurprising. But that wasn't what got his attention: Maho was sprawled on the couch next to her, also asleep. Her robe had slipped off onto the floor, and the wide position of her arms and legs revealed more bare skin than he ever intended to see.

"Gah!"

"Mrr?" Maho's eyes fluttered open, and they focused immediately on Keitaro. "Oh. Looks like we fell asleep." She smiled cheerfully, sitting up. "Ohayo, Kei-kun! Did you sleep well?"

"Hai." Keitaro tactfully averted his gaze, but he could still see her from the corner of his eye. He felt a strong blush coming on despite himself. Maho seemed perplexed for a moment, but realization quickly dawned on her.

"Arae!" She scrambled to cover herself up, but her robe was stuck under Haruka's body. She quickly settled for her hands, which weren't very effective. Her face was lit up in a big red blush. "Ano... This is a bit embarrassing, isn't it?" She chuckled nervously. "Gomen."

"Ah, don't worry about it." Keitaro tried to chuckle good-naturedly, but his gaze inevitably wandered. This is bad! he thought to himself. If anyone walked in, they might take it the wrong way. Scratch that; he knew they were going to take it the wrong way! Without much effort, he could even see the color of her...

Maho raised an eyebrow in suspicion. "What are you looking at, nephew?"

"Huh?" He panicked. "Um, well you see, it's not—"

"I'd like to know, too." A voice growled right behind him. "Kei-ta-ro." The voice, feminine but with the subtlety of a demon, clearly enunciated every syllable of his name as if it were a dirty slur.

Keitaro gulped. "Um. Ohayo, Narusegawa."

"Don't give me that, HENTAI!!!" With a well-placed punch, Keitaro was sent flying.

Maho blinked, watching his trajectory through the wall and into the sky. "Kei-kun?"

"Don't worry," Naru said, tossing her hair casually. "He'll be back. And hopefully that pervert will have learned his lesson."

She waved her hands in protest, blushing. "Oh, but it wasn't—"

"Hm?" Naru finally looked at the source of the voice. "Hey, you're the new move-in, right?"

Maho was grateful for a little change in subject. She smiled graciously, standing up. "Hai. Urashima Maho desu." She bowed, making her first greeting. "Hajimemashite."

Naru bowed in return. "Narusegawa Naru desu. Douzo yoroshiku." She thought of something. "Oh, so you're Haruka-san's sister? I remember you from the other night, I think."

"Hai, sou desu ka (that's true)."

"You know, I'm glad that there's finally a new female tenant. I was afraid that the men would start outnumbering us!"

"Hai." She nodded, a little distractedly.

After a bit of uncomfortable silence, Naru bowed again. "Well, I guess I'll be seeing you, then. Breakfast is pretty soon, so you'd better get dressed." With that, Naru left.

"Narusegawa Naru." Maho said to herself, throwing herself comfortably back on the couch. "Where do I remember you from?"

Shinobu happily stirred a bubbling pot full of miso soup, sprinkling ingredients into the mix with great care and precision. The tofu cubes bobbed and danced in the broth, which filled the air with a delicious aroma. Though she didn't want to be too prideful, this was truly going to be the best miso soup ever created in the Hinata Sou.

Which was just as well, because sempai liked miso soup. As soon as he had a taste of this one...

"Wow, Shinobu-chan!" Keitaro exclaimed, slamming the empty bowl down on the table. "This miso soup is incredible! How did you make such an amazing delicacy?"

Shinobu turned away coyly, still wearing her apron and holding a frying pan shyly to her chest. "It was easy to make once I began thinking of you, sempai."

Keitaro looked at her with warm, caring eyes. "Do you really love me so much, Shinobu, that you would toil to create such a fine miso soup as this?"

Her emotions took hold of her, and Shinobu could no longer stand to contain them. She whirled around dramatically to face him. The door opened at the same time, and a cloud of cherry blossoms flew into the room, along with a flock of doves and a swarm of pink sparkly things. "Yes, sempai! Daisuki (I love you)! You are my number one guy!"

"Youkata (I'm glad)." Keitaro stood up and embraced her tenderly. She returned the gesture joyfully. "I love you, Shinobu-chan! You are my precious flower!"

"Oh, say it again sempai! Onegai (please), for me!"

"I love you!"

"YES!" She exclaimed, whacking Naru on the head with the frying pan as she and Keitaro skipped off happily into the sunset.

Back in reality, Shinobu stirred faster. "Auuuu!" She was shocked out of her pleasant fantasies by the sound of the kitchen door sliding open. A brunette head with a bouncing hair spiral poked inside.

"Ohayo."

"Ah!" Shinobu accidentally dropped the ladle into the soup, and without thinking she stuck her hand into the boiling liquid to try and get it out. She immediately let out a yelp of pain, yanking her arm away and sticking two of her fingers into her mouth. "Itae (It hurts)..." she said miserably, trying hard to keep from tearing up.

"Shinobu-chan!" Maho ran up to the younger girl, kneeling down and taking her arm gently. "Gomen nasai! I didn't mean for that to happen!" She examined Shinobu's hand concernedly. One of her fingertips was painfully red and raw. "Where's the first aid kit?"

Shinobu pointed with her good hand at a drawer in the corner. Maho opened it up, taking out a band-aid and some antiseptic cream. Gently she applied both, making sure to put some cream on the other fingers as well. She looked up at Shinobu as she finished in silence, smiling apologetically. "Gomen."

Shinobu shook her head. "No, it was my fault for not thinking. Arigato gozaimasu, Urashima-sama." She bowed her head respectfully.

"You don't need to be so formal!" Maho laughed, a little embarrassed. "It makes me feel like an old lady. Like Haru-nee-chan." She corrected herself, "I mean like my sister Haruka. Just calling me Maho-sempai will be fine."

She nodded. "You have a very gentle touch, Maho-sempai."

"Oh, arigato." Maho smiled, reaching up to pinch Shinobu's cheeks. "It's only because you're so adorable, Shinobu-chan!"

"Auuuu!"

"Aww, so kawaii! I wish you were my little sister!" Maho sniffed the air. "Hmm. Say, is something burning?"

Shinobu's heart stopped. She looked hesitantly at the miso soup. It was bubbling over, and emitting much more black smoke than steam.

"Oh no, the soup!" Yanking another ladle from the drawer, she worked frantically to save her precious creation, as Maho simply watched in silent, guilty amusement.

So much for my perfect miso, Shinobu thought glumly.

Ryuko's Morning

"good morning, ryuko!"

Ryuko dug herself out from under her blanket, rubbed her eyes, and felt around for her glasses. "Good morning, Ryu-chan."

"you have fifty-two new messages...the tokyo banana price index opened 20 percent higher this morning, due in large part to the hurricane damage in brazil...kawamori's hardware is having a sale on scavenged 50,000 microfarad capacitors, and refurbished laser-range finders...the local military surplus depot is expecting a new shipment mid-day...tonight's weather will be clear, ideal for test-launching pyrotechnic payloads...the next full moon will be in two days..."

Ryuko arched an eyebrow at the little dragon avatar. "Tokyo banana price index? What are you going on about, Ryu-chan?"

"kaolla-chan said these things are important."

"How much did your codebase and database expand in the last 24 hours?"

"there was a net gain of 180 megabytes. i am operating two percent slower as a result."

Ryuko sweatdropped...and imagined having to find several hours of free time to debrief her digital assistant and make him forget most of this clutter. Unfortunately, she didn't have a backup she could revert to, since Ryu-chan wasn't suited to incremental backups and was too big for periodic full backups. "I'll read my mail later."

Ryuko put on something appropriate, and went up to the deck to meet Motoko.

Breakfast


Many of the residents were absent at breakfast that morning, although Shinobu-chan had, as usual, prepared a delicious selection of food for them.

"Has anyone seen Cody-san?" asked Shinobu hesitantly, after people had sat down. "I'm a bit worried... I... I haven't seen him since we escaped from the tunnels on Friday night. He just went up to his room with Moe-chan and hasn't come out since."

Keitaro was, in truth, a bit worried as well, but the few times he had checked, Cody had been sleeping peacefully.

"I wouldn't worry, Shinobu-chan," he responded. "Cody-san had a stressful experience, and needs his rest. I'm sure Moe-chan will look after him fine. He ate the food you left in his room yesterday, didn't he?"

"Yes, I guess..." said Shinobu, and went quiet. If Cody-san was in need of being taken care of, why did it have to be that creepy doll doing it? She could take care of him herself, if necessary -- feed him, cool his forehead, bathe him....

"Auuwwww!!!!" Shinobu waved her arms frantically to blot out the image in her mind, while blushing furiously. The other residents looked at her puzzled.

"Ano.. auuu... Itatakimas!" she said brightly, picking up her chopsticks and smiling. The others sweatdropped.

They had already started eating, when Lance slunk in and seated himself, casting black looks over the table at Sara, who responded with blown kisses.

"Sorry I'm late..." mumbled Lance, "I didn't get much sleep last night."

Keitaro and Naru looked sharply at Sara, who blushed demurely. The sight of Sara doing anything demurely was frightening enough to shortcircuit most brains, and Naru's brain in particular had a couple of very low-ampage fuses.

Naru and Motoko turned iron glances on Lance. Both started to rise.

"Am I to understand that you molested..." Motoko furiously asked of Lance, whose tired brain had only just registered what his mouth had been saying. His self-preservation instincts belatedly kicked in.

"Nonono! You misunderstand! I spent all night hiding in the heating ducts from this nymphomanic after I escaped! I was too scared to sleep! As if I'd have any interest like that in an eight-year-old!"

Naru and Motoko cooled off slightly. "Well, I admit it was a bit far-fetched, but..."

"Really! I'm not interested! She even paraded in front of me in that skimpy negligee, but I... ooops..."

"HENTAI!" Sword came down, fist came up, and Lance flew out of the window.

"Lannie-kun!" shrieked Sara, and chased off after him.

Sam's Morning

After breakfast, Sam returned to his room, stepped out to the balcony and inhaled a breath of morning air.

"Aahhh..." he said to himself, "The birds are singing, the sun is shining, and I feel wonderful but before I relax..." He pulled out a notepad, on which he had written his plans for the day.

"Let me see... first, I have to chuck out my beer; second, find a job; third, find a school which can take me in; and fourth, I can start to train with Mutsumi."

Returning to his room, he wandered around collecting all the beer he had on a trolley which he had previously found in Kaollas room. As he did this, Sarah passed by the door and looked in. She had spent half an hour looking for Lance without success, and had returned in a bad mood.

"What are you doing?" she asked, seeing the rapidly growing pile of bottles on the trolley.

"Throwing away all my beer," responded Sam, cheerfully.

"Hmm... you're high right now, aren't you?" asked Sara, dubiously.

"Nope, I just see the world differently now, and I don't need beer to cloud my vision."

Sara tested the response in her mind, and came to a conclusion.

"Yup, you're high."

"Fine, be that way." answered Sam in irritation, and pulled the door closed.

Sarah walked off muttering to herself about how this sort of behaviour is what gives all foreigners the reputaion of insanity.

Meanwhile, Sam proceeded along the corridor with his trolley full of alcoholic beverages until he got to his target: the ultimate in beer disposal technology -- KITSUNE.

Sam pushed the trolley into Kitsune's room, where she was sittin at the table thinking of how wonderful life would be if people just gave her alcohol without her having to bilk it out of them.

"Here you go, Kitsune-chan, it's all yours," Sam stated briefly.

Kitsune went wide-eyed.

"SWEET MOTHER OF GOD IT'S THE MOTHERLODE!" she gasped.

"What? There's not that much, is there?"

"Yeah, only half a shopful," Kitsune responded sarcastically.

"Whatever... I'm off." Sam replied, and walked off purposefully. Kitsune stared after him for a while, before her eyes were inexorably dragged back to her newly-acquired treasure.

"Sarah's right, he is stoned." she murmured to herself. "I wonder if my talk last night...."

Kyosuke's interlude

Kyosuke watched as he tried to relax. Kitsune had come into his room unannouced, and had insisted he join her in a drink.

Before he could refuse, one of the other boys -- Al was it? yes, Al -- had come in without knocking, and demanded kitsune help him plot to capture another of the boys in the dorm.

"It'll cost ya." Kitsune smiled evilly as she poured herself a drink from her bottle. This was almost too easy -- boys were throwing money and gifts at her today!

"We'll talk about payment if it works, now -- do ya have any ideas?" The blond asked, ignoring the owner of the room.

"Maybe... but first, a toast to our new partnership." Kitsune poured three glasses and passed one to each boy.

"Well, I've never had any before," Al muttered and shot the sake down swiftly, before coughing... "Strong." He whimpered as he rubbed his neck where it burned.

"Wuss! Come on Kyosuke, have some." Kitsune pushed the glass towards him.

"N..no thanks." Kyosuke declined simply as he pushed the glass away.

"Ok, now for our plans." Al pulled out a small notebook to draw up some ideas, and reached across the table for a pen he spotted. He accidentally knocked over the sake bottle, spilling it all over Kyosuke.

"Ahhaha...CHOOOO!"

Al found himself swiftly embedded in the wall as the winds subsided, "Ow..." He whimpered as he fell.

"What was that?" Kitsune asked shocked.

"Well you see...ah...ah...AH...CHOOOO!" The winds put a fresh hole in the wall, Al stumbled to his feet and over to kitsune, making his way to the door, "Well -- I guess I'll talk to you later..." He whimpered as he tried to get out.

"Ah...AH...AHHHH!" Kyosuke began as another sneeze almost escaped.

"In the immortal words of James Brown, GET DOWN!" Kitsune screamed as she and Al dove under the table, which was sent flying by the following "CHOOOOOO!!!"

"I'm really sorry guys...I...I...AHHHHCHOOOO!"

Moments later found Kyosuke panting from the struggle he had had dragging Al from his room. The boy must weigh a ton!

He sighed and returned to clean his room. "At this rate I'll K.O most of the Hinata house by next week." he muttered to himself.

Lance's day

Lance darted around a corner and froze, holding his breath, "I think I lost them," he thought to himself.

Just as he was about to sigh in relief, he heard something quite odd -- the opening song from that old western movie "The good, the bad, and the ugly."

"What the heck?" Lance turned and spotted the source of the music. An old boom box lay on the ground next to Dizzy who was wearing a tiny cowboy hat that matched that worn by Al who was standing next to him.

Al was dressed in full cowboy gear, hat, spurs, boots, chaps, and a lasso at his side. He tipped his hat and smiled "Howdy."

"Uh...who are you again?" Lance asked puzzled.

Al sweatdropped, "The name's Al, and I'm the buckaroo who's a gonna be a bringing you inta the shariff."

"What, The shariff? Oh no, you mean Sarah!" Lance dropped to his knees begging "Please don't do it man! You don't know what she'll do to me!"

Al smiled evilly. "Sorry partner, there's quite a bounty on your head, and I aim to collect it."

Lance stood sullenly, "Alright...hey, your shoe lace is untied."

Al looked down, "But I'm wearing velcro boots?"

Lance darted past Al and began running full speed.

"Hey get back here!" Al took off after him, swinging his lasso.

Lance made his way up onto the deck, where Keitaro and Naru were taking a break from their studying.

"Hey Lance what's... up?" Keitaro sweatdropped as Al came charging up the stairs in his costume.

Lance pushed past Naru. "Look out!" he called as he ran towards the gap to leap onto the roof.

Al threw his lasso at that exact moment, and it looped around Keitaro and Naru, pulling them far too close for Naru's comfort.

Keitaro blushed and froze -- he had something warm, soft... very soft... in his hand.

He looked down slowly, though knowing what it was that he was now touching.

"YOU HENTAI!" Naru screamed as she pulled out of the rope and punched the nose-bleeding Keitaro, sending him (and Alex who was still clinging to the rope) high into the sky.

Meanwhile, Lance used this time to find another hiding place.

---

"He failed." Sarah growled from her spot atop the Hinata house, using some binoculars to watch Keitaro and Al's less then soft landing some miles away.

"Don't worry, Ally will keepy them busy until I can finish my new boyfriend catcher!" Kaolla smiled, as she connected some wires attached to a large robot.

Maho's Day

Maho-chan:

Do me a favor and pick up the new bar stools from the furniture store. Gomen ne, but the place tends to be busy on Sundays, so I can't go myself. It's already been paid for so don't worry about that. You just need to pick it up and drop it off at the back entrance to the teahouse. Arigato.

- Haruka

Maho grumbled, rereading the address that was scribbled on the back of the note. "Pick up the bar stools, she says. Yeah yeah, I'll pick up the damn bar stools..." She fiddled with the cuff buttons of her navy blue coat as she walked slowly down the promenade.

"Maho-chan?"

"Mrr?" She looked up. Keitaro was in front of her, looking a bit winded and worn around the edges. "Kei-kun? What're you doing here?"

"Oh, well, Narusegawa sent me flying again, and I made impact pretty far away, so I'm still walking home." He scratched his head and chuckled. "Narusegawa is pretty strong, wouldn't you say?"

"Mm." Maho nodded, continuing her leisurely stroll. She quickly changed the subject. "Say, how about we go get some drinks, kanrinrin-sama? My treat." She winked. "Call it a date. I'm your auntie, so it's okay."

"Well, I uh..." Keitaro blushed, though it was hard to tell under the light layer of dust on his face. "Sure, why not? It's lunchtime anyway, and I know this café nearby."

"Great. Lead the way."

Maho stirred what little was left of her drink with a straw. Keitaro was busy with his second sandwich, which he was wolfing down like a starving man.

She raised an eyebrow. "My, you're hungry, aren't you?"

Keitaro nodded silently between monstrous bites. "It's the walks home," he said after finally cleaning his plate. "I usually miss meals because it takes so long. Shinobu-chan tries to save a little for me once in a while once in a while, though." Keitaro finished his tea and settled down into his seat. "So how're you getting along? Do you like your place so far?"

"Hai." Maho nodded cheerfully.

"Have you introduced yourself to any of the tenants yet?"

"Well, I met that one American boy. What was his name again?" She looked up at the sky for a moment, and then snapped her fingers. "Lupin-kun!"

"Eh?"

"Oh, no that's what I ended up calling him. I think his real name is Al-san."

Keitaro sweatdropped. "Ah. That one."

"Why do I get the feeling you would've said that regardless?"

Keitaro quickly changed the subject. "Hey, didn't you have some errand to run for Haruka-san? You don't want to be late."

"Hai. It's actually good you came along."

"Why's that?"

Maho grinned. "You're going to help me carry everything!"

Keitaro facefaulted. "Buying me lunch was a bribe, wasn't it?"

"Of course."

"So I was wondering about something."

"Hm?" Keitaro huffed and adjusted his hands around the large crate that held all the stools. The thing was terribly heavy, and he had to carry most of the weight because of Maho's short stature.

"Remember when we played together as kids?"

"How could I forget?" Keitaro sighed. "You tried to teach me how to escape from handcuffs, and we ended up having to go to a locksmith."

Maho smiled sheepishly. "Hai, hai. I already apologized for that, remember?"

He shook his head, grunting at the effort of maintaining the crate's height. "Yeah. So what about it?"

"Haruka told me that we used to live in the Hinata Inn back then." Keitaro was silent, and she wondered for a moment if he had heard her. "Kei-kun?"

"Hai, that's correct." Keitaro nodded, carefully going backwards up the steps to the teahouse. "Narusegawa, too. We have a picture from our childhood days."

"I knew it."

"Huh?"

"I knew that I had met her before." Maho led Keitaro to the back entrance, taking care not to slip backwards. "But this is almost too much of a coincidence."

"What're you talking about?"

"Oh, it's nothing. Don't worry about it." She set down the crate and dusted her hands off. "Whew, that was tough!"

Keitaro massaged his sore arms. "Tell me about it."

"Well, I'm glad we're done. Arigato; you were a great help."

"It's no problem!" He smiled earnestly. "Anytime, Maho-chan."

With no warning, she elbowed him right in the face.

"Ow!"

"I told you, it's 'Auntie Maho'! No wonder you couldn't get out of those handcuffs, baka Kei-kun. You can't even listen to me, for crying out loud!"

"I thought you just said I was a great help!"

She crossed her arms. "Yeah, well I take it back. You're hopeless."

"Hey!"

Maho smiled, sticking out her tongue. "Just kidding. You're way too serious, Keitaro." She looked at her watch, and turned to the Hinata Sou. "Well, it looks like dinner's in an hour or two. I'm going to take a bath." She waved. "Ja."

"Wait, just like that?" Keitaro blinked. "Just 'ja'?"

"Mm-hmm. Unless you want to join me in the bath and do horribly wicked things together." She winked and tossed her hair, opening her coat playfully to her shoulders.

He turned a deep shade of red. "What?? No! That's sick!" Maho blew him a kiss and laughed in a very unfeminine manner as she walked away.

Keitaro shook his head. Maybe it was the whole England thing that made her so weird. Yeah, that had to be it.

"Mind if I join you?"

Naru looked up from where she was bathing. Maho was sitting on the rocks, removing her towel and slipping into the hot water. She smiled politely, moving over to give the other girl space. "Not at all."

"Arigato."

For a long while, the only sound that could be heard was the chirping of cicadas in the distance, and the occasional stray drop of water. It was as if no one were even there. But finally, Maho spoke. Her voice was soft, almost lost in the warm mist of the hot springs.

"I'm happy to see you again, Naru-chan." It was still quiet, after a long pause. "How long has it been? Ten years? More than that?" She sighed. "I don't even remember any more. But still, it's good to meet you again after so long."

The stillness was too awkward. For Maho, it was almost unbearable. Why wasn't she speaking? After an indeterminate amount of time, she stood up and started getting out of the bath water. "Gomen. I think I made a mistake..."

"Why so informal?"

Maho looked at Naru in surprise. Naru simply looked down at the water, making it ripple back and forth with her hands. Once again there was a quiet calm. But this time she wasn't sure if it took an hour away, or if it took barely a second. Not that it mattered, really.

"It's Naru Hime (Princess Naru)." A single tear rolled down her cheek, sparkling in the low light of the springs. "Did you forget, Maho-chan?" She wiped her eyes. "That's cruel."

They looked at each other in silence. Then, without a word, they embraced.

All of the memories came back like a flood, memories of youth and friendship, and of their eventual parting. Two worlds collided soundlessly, reunited after so long apart. The two women, childhood friends now grown into an adulthood where they barely knew one another from a stranger on the street, simply held each other. There was time for other things, but that was enough for now.

Soon the silence of the hot springs was filled with giggling, and the uniquely beautiful sound of two girls chattering away.

Down in Hinata market, Sam was searching for a part-time job.

"Lets see... hmmm... 'Paper boy wanted: must be healthy, strong, and fast'. Sounds promising!"

He stepped into then shop, and walked up to the proprietor.

"Hey, can I sign up as the paper boy?"

"Sure kid, you look like you're fast and strong... but how's your aim?"

"Um, not sure -- I haven't practised in ages..."

"Okay then," responded the proprietor, handing Sam a paper, "Go outside, and throw this paper onto that door step over there."

Sam walked out, and readied himself. "Here I go..." He lobbed the paper with all his might.

The paper sailed majestically like a seagull on crack over the top of the house, and shortly after came the sound of a woman shrieking hysterically. Let's go over to where it landed...

Kentaro sat on the ground, with a newspaper stuck in a place that hurt.

"Sweet mother of God..." he whimpered, tears in his eyes, "I can't feel my groin..."

Back over with Sam, things were not going so well either.

"Sorry, kid," commented the shop owner, "I need someone who causes minimal casualties to paying customers. However, Mr Wang's Chinese takeaway is in need of a delivery boy. Why don't you go there?"

"OK, thanks mate," replied Sam, optimistic once more.

Later, at Mr Wang's, Sam had more luck -- probably because you don't deliver takeaways by air.

"Well, you've got the job. Start immediatrey! Though you've come a bit rate -- the rast delivery of the lunch-time opening is just finished. Take it to Sakata-san at Tokimeki drive, stlaight away!"

"Aye, sir!"

Ten minutes later, Sam was delivering a bag of food to Kentaro's house.

"Here you are, sir!" he said cheerfully -- somehow, he just knew he'd be getting a tip.

Kentaro was sitting in a chair, with a ice pack on his groin.

"Aahhh thank you," he replied, "Maybe this will cheer me up."

"What happened?"

"I was hit in the groin with an issue of the Sunday Star..."

Sam sweatdropped. "Umm, that's terrible..." he replied, trying not to look too guilty.

"Indeed... well, here you go," answered Kentaro, handing over a fairly generous tip, and waving Sam to leave.

Sam finished by going back to Mr Wang's and giving him the money. Now our half-witted semi-hero is off to enlist at one of the towns many educational facilities. Although it is Sunday, many will still have offices open for administration.

Sam stood outside Hinata high's headmasters office, thinking to himself, 'Vast amount of educational facilities my arse, it's only got the one high school.'

The receptionist woke him from his thoughts. "The headmaster will see you now Mr McShannock," and waved him through.

Shortly later, Sam was enrolled as a pupil at Hinata Junior High -- conincidentally, the same establishment as Kyosuke, Kaolla and Shinobu. He was also the posessor of one extremely non-fashionable school uniform which he had been informed in no uncertain terms that he 'would wear' when he turned up for his first class on Monday at 8am.

Sam returned home, wondering if he'd jumped form the frying-pan into the fire.

Ryuko's Afternoon

Sunday afternoon

According to Keitaro's schedule, today Ryuko and Shinobu were to clean the bath house from top to bottom. Immediately after lunch, Ryuko helped Shinobu with the dishes. Then they gathered the supplies they anticipated needing, and headed down to the changing room, which was somewhat in disarray.

"What a mess," Ryuko mused.

"Oh, it's been worse," Shinobu admitted. "But working together, it shouldn't take long. Let's start with the floor." She began picking up various towels that had been accumulating in piles.

Ryuko nodded, and got down on her hands and knees and started scrubbing in one corner. Shinobu promptly joined her, and unconsciously began humming a tune to herself as she worked.

"...Obaasan...?"

"Nani?" Shinobu stopped humming and turned to face Ryuko.

"I think I remember my grandmother Yoshikawa humming that to me, when I was little. What's it called?"

"Your father's mother, then? Sorry, I don't know what it is, or where I first heard it, myself."

Ryuko shook her head. "No, actually it was my mother's mother. My father's side was American, my mother's Japanese."

Shinobu looked confused. "Your family name is from your mother's side?"

"Not originally, but I had my name changed just before I left the States. Partly because I didn't want to be so easily flagged as a foreigner...partly because I'm not terribly fond of my father."

"Oh. I didn't mean to pry."

"It's okay, it's not important."

Ryuko got up and walked across the floor to go fetch the pail they'd been using. As she did so, she left a wet footprint on the dry portion of the floor, right in front of Shinobu.

Of course, Shinobu already had the impression that Ryuko's feet were fairly long, but she didn't realize they were that long. When her cleaning companion wasn't looking, curiosity got the best of her, and she made her own footprint next to Ryuko's. The difference was dramatic. Even the boys would come up short in comparison, she thought!

Ryuko turned around, saw this, and paused. Well, it wasn't like she could keep it a secret. "They're thirty centimeters," she announced.

Shinobu looked up at the source of the voice, and sweatdropped, suddenly quite embarrassed. She was worried Ryuko was offended. She bowed, "I'm so sorry."

"I used to be teased about them constantly. I eventually got over it." She got back down on the floor and continued scrubbing where she'd left off. "I figured they were big for a reason--but I have yet to discover what that reason is." She smirked, "Unless they're disciplinary tools to keep the men in line."

Even Shinobu had to chuckle at that. She relaxed, and continued scrubbing too.

"About my grandmother. It seems she stayed here, once."

"Oh?"

"I have her diary. There's a photograph in it...of her and her soon-to-be-husband, standing in front of the annex out back. She used to tell me stories about that building. Her diary didn't mention the location, and she didn't remember where it was herself back when she told me those stories. So my being referred here by my professor was quite a coincidence."

"Really? That's so neat!"

"That's not all. She said there was something special about that building. Something that made her relationship with my grandfather stronger. I didn't believe her at the time, but now I'm starting to wonder. Before she died, when I was still young, she made me promise to try to find that building."

Shinobu put her fists together under her chin excitedly. "So you've fulfilled your promise! Now what will you do?"

Ryuko stopped scrubbing, and sat on the floor, leaning against the wall. "I suppose I'll spend a night in there, once I find a suitable companion. But that's in the far future. I've...I've never even had a boyfriend." She couldn't believe she was confessing this, but somehow implicitly trusted Shinobu.

At this point, Shinobu stopped, not knowing what to say. She felt sorry for Ryuko. "Why not?" Immediately after asking that, she wished she hadn't. She was prying again.

"The boys back home were shallow. I was always too tall, or my hands and feet were bigger than theirs, and they felt less manly because of it. I'm something of a bookworm, too...there were plenty more social girls to chose from..." By now her eyes were getting moist. "Sometimes I think I'll never find someone who's right for me."

Shinobu shook her head. "But you're so smart and pretty. You'll find someone, I just know you will!"

Ryuko wiped a tear away, and leaned forward to hug Shinobu. "Thank you, Shinobu-chan."

Sam and Mutsumi

Back at Hinata-sou, Sam walked up to the deck area, and was not surprised to see Mutsumi waiting for him there.

"Ara ara... hello Sam, ready for your training?" she asked, brightly.

"Ready as I will ever be," he replied, with a bit more confidence than he actually felt.

"Now clear your mind, and use your energy to see the world around you," Mutsumi instructed, between bites of watermelon.

Sam closed his eyes, and in his head, he saw a brief vision of a watermelon flying through the air. He opened his eyes, and turned around just in time to have a flying melon catch him straight in the face.

"Oww..." he whimpered, swirly-eyed on the deck. Mutsumi looked down at him, shaking her head.

"Well... at least you knew it was coming." she said, shaking her head. "Next time, dodge it?"

Sam stood up, and wiped the melon-juice form his face. "OK," he said, "Let's try again?"

In Sam's head, he saw a mecha-tama firing its missiles.

Back in the real world, Sam quickly ducked and turned to watch as half the wall behind him was blown to pieces.

"That's right," cheered Mutsumi, clapping her hands, "you're getting good at this, Sam. Later, I've a wonderful test we can do at dinner -- but first, let's eat watermelon." And with that, she handed him a slice of melon as he looked at the ruined wall and sweatdropped.

Meanwhile, where was Lance? He was back in Hinata-sou, still trying to avoid a predatory Sara and her recently-recruited minions.

Lance peeked around a corner "Coast is clear..." he began creeping down the hall towards the stairs.

From behind him, lance heard the tune, "What shall we do with the drunken sailor".

He turned quickly, asking "Where the hell does this stupid music come from?!"

Al was standing in a small wooden boat at the end of the hall, this time dressed as a pirate. Dizzy, with a bandana tied around his head, was sitting on Al's boom box next to him.

Lances eyes grew as wide as dinner plates "What the... not you again...!"

Al grinned wickedly.

"Avast, it be the whelp who be avoiden captain Sarah!" He pointed his sword at lance. "CHARGE!" The boat lurched forward with a creak.

"Yipe!" Lance made a dash to the stairs. "His boat can't go down stairs....can it?"

The boat shot down the hallway on its wheels. It looked like Al was wiling to find out.

"Craptastic..." Lance hoisted himself onto the rail and slid down the stairs. "Haha, let's see him catch me..." he said to himself. As he reached the end of the railing his male essentials made contact with a raised wooden part, and he fell flat onto the ground in incredible pain.

Al and the boat shot off the top of the stairs and flew down, Al and Dizzy clinging to each other and screaming as they fell, hitting the stairs and bouncing down them.

Lance, in a voice a few octaves higher than normal, squeaked "Yikes!"

He rolled out of the way and the boat crashed to the ground. Al and Dizzy staggered out, looking shocked to be alive.

"Grr?" Dizzy asked, looking up at Al.

"No WE WILL NOT GO AGAIN!" Al growled.

Lance limped off down the hallway, saying "Gotta get outside...outside..."

"Hey wait a tic!" Al hoisted a cannon out of the bottom of the boat and aimed it at lance.

Lance stared at the massive gun. "Oh no..."

BOOM! A watermelon shot from the cannon right at Lance who screamed like a girl, allowing the watermelon to go directly into his mouth causing his head to shape itself like a tasty watermelon.

"Wow, that worked better then I thought it would." Al chuckled as he climbed out of his ship.

Lance attempted to cry out "Help me!" but couldn't make any sound around the huge watermelon.

Al walked over to Lance, having trouble with his peg leg. Finally, he reached him and grinned, "So, now what ya gonna do, lad?"

Smirking, Lance spat out the watermelon, firing it straight at Al.

"NYAHHH!" Al fell back into the boat again.

"Your shoes are untied again!" Lance called as he bolted.

"I'm not wearing laces!" Al cried from inside the boat as it began to roll towards Lance

"Then maybe the velcro came off!"

Al sat up and started reloading the cannon, as the ship picked up speed.

"Damnit..." Lance ran towards the front door, noticing that Cody was coming down the stairs

Cody opened the door and was about to step out, when he spotted the running Lance and moving boat with a loaded fruit cannon.

"Fire in the hole!" Lance screamed at Cody

Cody ducked just in time, as pineapples flew out of the door and the boat roared down the remaining stairs after Lance.

"Get him away from meeee!!"

The boat roared down and ran over both Lance and Cody, before heading right out of the door.

"Dizzy! THROW THE ANCHOR!"

"GRR"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO ANCHOR!?!"

With that remark, the boat flew off of the peak of the stone stairs, and that was the last Lance saw of Al for the moment.

"Phew...thank Kami..." Lance whimpered. Still protecting his manhood, he stood and limped to the kitchen for a pack of ice, leaving behind a knocked out Cody.

Cody's Day


The last few days had defiantly been interesting for Cody. He first was captured by mechanical turtles. Then he was held in a tank for hours, only to have a young Japanese schoolgirl, who he lives with, also be captured and fall onto his back. If that was not weird enough they escaped, hid in a room that contained a person-sized doll and were again attacked by the mecha-tama. Now this in itself was just plain nuts, and added to that the doll is alive and now thinks Cody is her master. Going as far as to call him 'Cody-sama', and never leaving his side. These were not things that Cody had ever dealt with before, so they kind of overloaded him.

That morning, Cody found himself in his room, lying on his futon.

"Man, was that all a dream?" He said to himself and what he thought was the empty room.

"Cody-sama you're awake!" Cody whipped around when he heard Moe's voice behind him, "You've been sleeping for hours now, and I was sooo worried. You're not hurt, are you?" Moe's voice was full of worry.

"I'm OK Moe. I guess I was just tired after all that happened." Cody says to calm her. She's still worried, but takes his word on it.

"So what time is it Moe?" Cody asked his young doll keeper.

"It's just after lunch time, Cody-sama!" Moe answered him cheerfully.

"What!? Oh, crud. Today I'm supposed to help Minako with inventory, which was three hours ago! And I already missed work on Fiday! I'll be fired for sure! Crud!" Cody exclaimed as he thought to himself. He jumped up quickly, grabbed his watch, ran out the bedroom door and down the stairs.

"Cody-sama, Wait!!" Moe yelled after the sprinting young man. When he didn't stop, she took off after him.

Cody reached the front door, and pulled his shoes on. He looked at his watch -- 3:03 pm. He was about to run out when suddenly Lance ran by at top speed.

"Huh?" Cody turned around just in time to see Al, barreling down on Lance in what looked like a pirate ship. Unfortunately, Cody was right in the way of said pirate ship. Moe came running down the stairs, just as Cody was run over.

"Cody-sama!!" she screamed as she ran to him. "Cody-sama, are you OK? It's much too dangerous out here. You're coming back to your room with me." She continued to scold him, as she dragged him back up the stairs and back to his room.

Cody heared none of this, seeing as how he was unconscious and swirly eyed.

Later...

Lance put the last of his cardboard tube collection into his box, after realizing he would need more than tough paper to survive Sarah, Su, and now Al. He hefted the box up and, looking both ways in the hall, crept towards the top of the building and the attic.

Unbeknownst to him, a silent shadow tracked him as he made his way to the (larger than most buildings') attic.

Upon reaching the attic and setting the box down, lance turned to exit, but heard a noise... kabookey music.

Lance turned, instincts rising. "Alright, I know you're here!" he shouted to the darkness.

Dizzy was sitting on the boom box wearing a tiny kimono, looking around confused.

Lance looked at the furry creature curiously. "Haven't we met before?"

Dizzy nodded and looked around, apparently Al was not where he should be.

Lance knelt in front of Dizzy and curiously poked the weasel gently. "Who might you be, then?"

"Grr." (Translation: Dizzy Danger Weasel, friend and long time pet of Al)

"Oh, so you know Al huh?" Lance paused, and blinked slowly.

"Did I just talk...to a weasel?!"

Dizzy nodded.

Lance face-faulted.

Dizzy sighed and flipped the tape over. Apparently, Al was going to be very late. Lance sat back up, rubbing the sore spot of his head.

"Well, since I can't inflict enough pain to convince myself I'm dreaming, what're you doing here?"

Dizzy growled out an explanation that it's his job to help Al in all his endeavors and this was one of them.

Lance stood. "Wait a minute, you're trying to surrender me to Sarah too? What happened to being an innocent weasel? And besides, you should know better than trust Sarah. She has connections to Suu, and SHE has connections to your little turtle friend."

Dizzy shrugs and then growled that Al was just having fun and that nobody will get hurt in this game...he hopes.

Lance sighed. "Well, that's just encouraging." He paced the floor of the attic, thinking to himself. "Well, while we're here, what should we do?"

Dizzy shrugged and was about to pull out some cards when a thumping is heard from below them. Lance lay down on the floor and pressed his ear against it.

THUMP THUMP THUMP... and suddenly, Al burst through the trapdoor, panting.

Lance stood, suddenly on the defensive.

"Sorry I'm late, couldn't fit into my sneak suit" Al leant against the wall, cursing his being out of shape. His basketball sized belly was barely fitting into the tight black ninja outfit he had donned. Dizzy started the kabooky music again.

Lance stared at Al. "You again."

"Yeah...pant...me...pant...again."

Lance grabbed two cardboard tubes from the box, and tossed one to Al.

"I suggest we should dub our voices for the realistic advantages."

"Oh thanks." Al stood, having finally regained his breath, "If that is what you wish." The subtitles below Al read as his mouth opened and closed slightly out of synch.

Lance drew himself into a fancy pose. "Hooowaaa!!"

Al sighed, and pulled his mask on. "Alright, this is your last chance to come quietly!"

Lance spoke his dub. "I will never take such a cowardly choice."

"Then you shall perish!" Al lunged, swinging his cardboard tube.

Lance twisted his tube in an angle to block Al's strike. "All your base are belong to me!"

"You know I've heard that quote a thousand times and never found out where it came from." Al struck over and over again.

Lance continuously blocked Al's attacks. "It came from an old game called 'Zero Wing', and was said to be the worst translation ever."

"Ah, consider me informed." Al struck too hard, missed and crashed into a wall.

Lance made his move, striking Al's cardboard tube hard enough to knock it out of his hand. He held the tip of the tube inches from Al.

Al looked at the tube, "So...that's that then?"

Lance looked puzzled at Al. "What do you THINK it is?"

"What? Oh sorry, I was just distracting you." Al pointed -- Dizzy had moved the boom box behind Lance's feet, and Al used this moment to kick Lance square in the chest with a slippered foot, although not too hard.

Lance was forced back into a pile of old junk, his cardboard tube sliding to the other side of the room and outof his reach.

Groaning, he stood up. "I guess this makes me outnumbered by one."

"A half at least." Al stood and picked up his tube. "Ya know what, this place is a little tight for ninja fights."

Lance looked around. "I know, it's got the feel....and by the way, your mask is starting to slip off."

"Oh thanks." Al pulled out a mirror and began making adjustments.

Lance swiftly kicked Al squarely in his chest, and made a run for his box of tubes.

"OW, hey, that was mean." Al looked at the mirror he dropped, which had broken. "Oh... that can't be good."

Lance dug through the box and pulled out four tubes this time, tossing two to Al.

"I cannot allow a fight without honor!"

"Oh alright, honor is honor." Al took the tubes and connected the two, making a staff.

Lance smirked. "You are quite a person, Al. Perhaps after this we can be friends."

"Sure, but for now, it's all fun and games."

"Right!" Lance shouted and charges at Al. Al leaped down the stairs.

"Let's take this outside," he suggested, "It's rather stuffy in here." Al then missed his landing and rolled down the hall. Lance in return didn't react to Al's sudden move and crashed into the wall.

Dizzy sweatdroped.

Woozy, Lance grumbled to himself for being clumsy and followed Al down the hall and outside.

Al was standing on the railing of the deck, the wind blowing his red scarf, the sun setting behind him. He had spent some time planning this pose, and wanted to make the best of it. Lance ran up the stairs and immediately threw three separate toilet-paper-sized tubes at Al as if they were darts.

Al yelped, and dodged each one, landing on one foot, rather clumsily, before leaping into the air and swinging his -- err, weapon -- down at lance.

Lance rolled out of the way, both tubes still remaining in each hand. With one tube he pinned down Al's scarf to the deck floor. Al stood and his scarf ripped. Al stared at it for a moment.

"Oh, you did not just do that."

Lance jerked the tube back up. "And if I did?"

Al's eyes burn with the fires of a thousand suns as he picked up the scarf and tucked it into his shirt.

"What's so important about the scarf, worthy opponent?"

"This scarf... I saved for weeks, this scarf was the perfect touch to my costume, you shall pay." Al took the tubes and charged. His battle cry, stolen from a book series about mice, was heard for miles.

"EULALIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Al swung his tube with a force that might almost have matched that of Motoko's, directly at Lance's chest. Lance tumbled backwards, winded by Al's sudden attack.

Lance smirked. "You're not as bad as I would've thought. Now the real fight begins!"

"So it has!" Al swung again but froze, hearing a sound of soft footsteps coming up the stairs.

"Rush-san, Waymire-San, are you up here?" Shinobu's sweet voice rang out, as they both quickly tried to look innocent.

She looked at them, "Ah there you are, dinner is ready sirs."

Lance looked back and forth between Al and Shinobu.

Al, who was hiding the tube behind his back, smiled, "We'll be right there Shinobu-chan."

Lance looked at his tubes, gasped, and hid his as well. "Hahaha, yes we..we'll be right down!"

Shinobu left, and Al stood and dusted himself off. Lance turned to Al.

"Sooo...truce?"

"Yeah sure." Al pulled his mask off and headed for the stairs "For now anyway."

Lance chuckled, walking with Al. "Let's just hope that it won't be soon until we duel again. I could use some more training, you're quite an excellent sparring partner."

"It's all an act, I've never done any training, I just imagine I'm a ninja and it works."

Lance halted, staring at Al with interest.

"I do the same thing, too."

"Wow, cool, guess you like acting too." Al kept walking, his mind saying, "Interesting." but his stomach saying, "mmmm, lomain."

"Yeah, but I'm more of a stand-up guy. Serious acting is just my fallback." Lance looked around. "Where's your little friend by the way?"

"Dinner -- Dizzy never misses a meal unless he's being forced to marry turtles."

"Let's just hope this doesn't happen too often."

"Why not? This whole day's been just the fun I need to relax." Al said, sounding a little like Suu.

Lance sighed, "I don't think it would be wise to hang around with Suu any longer.." he began.

"Why not?" Al asked, missing the point entirely.

"Because, she's friends with Sarah, and in case you hadn't noticed she's way over the line of obsession, with me, of all people!"

"Oh yeah, that, I'm sure it's just a crush. Kids get those at that age."

Lance glances at Al. "Do you even realize how old Sarah is, let alone how old she's acting?"

"Well, she is mature for her age, but so was I back then. Maybe she'll get the hint that your creeped out and lay off."

Lance stared at Al, wide eyed. "You purposely lusted after an older male?"

Al sweatdropped. "Well not a male..."

Lance smirked. "I'm interested. Why don't you tell me at dinner?"

"Sounds like a plan. Besides, we're almost out of hallway to talk in." Al points out as they reach the dining room.

Lance halted in his steps, staring at the entryway to the dining room.

Al turned "what?"

Lance pointed toward the said room. "Have you forgotten? Sara?"

"Oh...right...come here a sec." Al pulled out a white cloth bag and began digging in it.

Lance curiously peeked toward the bag. "What's in it?"

"Your disguise!"

Lance raised an eyebrow. "And you think no one would be in the least bit suspicious about THAT?"

"Nope, no. Hold still." Al pulled out a makeup pen, "This will sting, a lot."

Moments later Al entered the front room with someone who looks much like Kenshin, only dressed in street clothes.

Lance muttered in Al's ear. "I'm going to kill you for this....but thanks."

Al smiled and introduced Lance as a friend from work.

"What's his name?" Sarah asked suspiciously.

"Uh...err...Blanch!" Al supplied, barely missing a beat.

"What?!" Lance yelped.

"Yes! Err... his name is Blanch, poor fella, we call him Blan so it doesn't sound as girly."

Lance growled at Al silently, but didn't dare say a word.

Al muttered out of the side of his mouth "I'm improvising, work with me here."

Lance sighed and forced out a fragile smile. "Nice to meet you all."

The pair sat next to each other and chatted in English in order to hide Lance's identity from the rest of the residents.

"Well this is going well."

"Yes so far....but Blanch?! What the hell made you think that?"

"Lance rhymes with Blanch." Al explained in a 'matter of fact' tone of voice as he helped himself to some noodles.

Lance grumbled, putting some on his plate as well. "Really? And here I thought I heard them all." Lance sighed as he remembered his years in elementary school.

"What? You'd have preferred being named 'pants'?"

"Or 'dance', 'ants', 'plants', 'prance', etc."

"Yeah see, Blanch is much nicer."

"But....the HELL? It's very original, I'll give you that, but even so there could've been better."

Lance looked around and spotted Sarah, who dodged his glance. "I think she's on to me..." he murmured.

"Ya know, now that I think about it, I spoke to her today in English, she's from California I think."

Lance dropped his chopsticks and stared at Al. "You WHAT?!"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure she understands English." Al sipped his glass of milk not realizing the problem.

Lance turned to Sarah, who was staring back with a knowing smile on her lips, and then back to Al, his eyes burning red. "Al...."

"Something wrong?" Al asked totally clueless.

Making sure no one was looking (after Sarah shrugged and went back to her food) Lance slapped Al upside the head and whispered, "Idiot! She knows what we're saying now!"

"Ow!" Al rubbed his head, "Then why hasn't she jumped on you yet?"

"Because," Lance whispeeds, "She doesn't want everyone to come to my aid. She's going to save her attack for later."

"You sure? She doesn't even look evil, she kinda looks shy, not even blushing. It's a little like Shinobu."

Lance glared at Al. "You dare compare that evil child to Shinobu?!"

"She's hiding it, I just know it.."

Al continued munching his food without a care, "Maybe, so what's all that about how evil it is for me to compare her to blue eyes over there? Hmm... you got yourself a little crush?" Al grinned a Kitsune grin.

Lance twitched, his clenched fist cracking the chopstick in his hand. "That is NOT what I meant!"

"You sure?" Al asked, though he seems to be focusing rather intently on a cheese wonton and how he's the only one in the room using a fork.

Lance grabbed a new pair of chopsticks. "Of course! I have my observations on every one of the regular tenants here, and I know for a fact that when Sarah isn't inflicting pain or talking about a new obsession, shes up to something."

"Meh... well, I guess you can take out some of that anger on me rather then helpless chopsticks. This truce is only temporary, remember."

"Yes, I suppose..." Lance slurped some noodles. "But for safety reasons, do you happen to know what she may have in store for me OTHER than you?"

Al ducked under the table and returned seconds later wearing a CIA agent haircut and shades. "I'm not at liberty to discuss that with you sir."

Lance stared at Al, as did most of the table.

Al pulled off the shades and asked kindly for some of the miso next to Keitaro.

"....kay then." continued Lance. "Can you at least lead Sarah away from me just for tonight?"

"Sorry man, I still aim to collect that bounty on your head."

"Just how much do I cost?"

"A twelve pack of mountain Dew, and Suu will do all my math homework for life if I catch you."

"Eeew...Mountain Dew?!"

"yup, I don't drink booze because Soda has the same effect, I'm a popoholic."

"I can agree with you there...but Mountain Dew? No Coke or Pepsi?"

"Nah, I don't like Pepsi. Coke's OK though."

"You know I heard from back at the States, they're making a new Lime Coke. Yech..."

"Hmm, interesting idea, I mix drinks a lot... Mountain Dew/Sprite re-mix, Dr. Pepper and a shot of Power Aid... that'll kill a yak."

"And yet you're still here waving around a cardboard tube without exploding from the inside?"

"I'm pretty durable, I think I'm related to a cockroach."

Lance hushed him. "Don't say that too loud. I think most of these people have a... thing about cockroaches."

Al looked at the people around him "Huh? How do you mean?"

Lance looked around him before continuing. "I heard Keitaro a couple days ago talking about how at one time when there was a cockroach in the kitchen, everyone was freaking out except for Motoko"

"Ah, ok then, but I really wonder about my durability. I've lived through some things that I wouldn't dream of, unless I didn't." Al looked shocked, a sudden though occuring to him. "Hey, am I a ghost?"

"I dunno, let me try..." With a vindictive grin, Lance stomped on Al's foot, hard.

Al looked as though he was in no pain as he looked at his foot, "Hmm, now I'm really wondering."

Lance blinked and stared at Al. He then picked up one of his chopsticks and poked Al hard in the ribs.

"Hey, stop that!" Al giggled. Kitsune looked over, fed up with the disruption to the evening meal.

"Hey, you two, bedroom stuff at the dinner table? Naughty, naughty."

Lance threw a glare at Kitsune as everyone else at the table stared at the both of them.

Al acted as if nothing untoward had happened, suddenly looking up, and announcing,

"So, who's got the fortune cookies?"

Lance blinked in surprise. "We have fortune cookies here?"

At that moment, Sam came into the dining room carrying a tray of scrumptious looking fortune cookies, closely followed by Mutsumi. He smiled faintly and passed them around to everyone, almost as if they had their names on them. First to receive hers was Maho.

Maho took the fortune cookie from Sam, cracking it open. She read the slip of paper out loud: "Your love is like a spring flower. It will soon blossom." She raised an eyebrow. "Huh. Okay. What does yours say, Haru-nee?"

Haruka raised an eyebrow as well, a perfect copy of Maho's gesture. "It says 'Heaven smiles on the patient. Lucky number is 3.'" She turned to Naru, who was sitting next to her. "What does yours say, Naru-chan?"

"Hmm." She cracked her fortune cookie open. "Youthful joys will return to you."

Sam moved on around the table, passing the cookies out.

"How about this one, Al?" he suggested, holding the plate in front of Al indicating one of the cookies.

Al shrugged.

"Ok then...I don't mind a good fortune"

Al accepted his cookie, and cracked it open. Lance did the same, and opened his.

Al read his: "'Keep alert, trouble looms from a source close to someone close to you, things are not always as they appear.' Wow, I usually get 'Your charming personality attracts people to you'."

"Isn't that just shocking." Lance commented sarcastically, reading his fortune.

"'Your current problems will be halted--for now.'" Lance sighed deeply. "God, I hope so..."

Al read the fortune in Lances hand. "Hope that doesn't mean me, I still have some costumes to try and some tricks to play."

Lance smirked, "Well, note how it's plural, so I'd say so."

"Drat." Al turned to Dizzy who is on his right, "What'd you get little buddy?"

Dizzy held his up and Al read it 'Good things come to those who paint'? How very odd indeed."

Lance blinked. "What kind of fortune is that?" Dizzy grabbed the fortune back from Al and growled lightly.

"Diz has always been big in these things, horoscopes too."

"Maybe I can direct him to an appropriate Weird Al song." replied Lance, "I would find it very amusing for him to belive in that."

Al turned to Suu who is across the table from him. "So, what's yours say, Suu?" he asked, and then sweatdropped. Suu had stuffed the cookie in her mouth fortune and all.

"Uh...Suu?"

Her eyes grew wide. "Holy spit!" She pulled the paper out, "It's a message from my teeth!" Reading the paper, she announced to the room: "Your bright personality shall brush away the clouds that are hanging over others. Thanks teeth!" She smiled so innocently.

Motoko watched this display unamused and looked to her own cookie message. "Be wary of compliments, they can be misleading."She thought about it for a moment, and tossed the paper away. "What a stupid fortune." she commented, dismissively.

Ryuko read out hers, next. "You will see a very close friend in an entirely new way." she proclaimed. "Doesn't make much sense."

Sam continued to pass cookies around the table. It was strange to notice that, although Cody had again not turned up to dinner, Sam had brought exactly the required amount of cookies.

"Hmm..." said Keitaro as he read his, "'Take advantage of a new opportunity and you will travel to new places.' Sounds fun -- maybe I can go on a dig with Seta-san? How about you, Shinobu-chan?"

"Ano... 'Sudden advancement will bring you a chance you must hold with both hands'. What does that mean?"

Sam passed a cookie to Kyosuke, who crushed it in his hand scornfully.

"Really, fortune cookies!" he remarked caustically. "What a waste of time! These things are written by Chinese sweat-shop workers, and are all nonsense. I prefer to trust to myself than to stupid predictions!" With this, he stood up, bowed briefly to the other residents, and walked off to his room.

"Ah -- don't mind him," said Kitsune, "He's a bit out of sorts, I think he's caught a cold or something. Here -- I'll take one."

Kitsune took a fortune cookie, and read it out to the group while Mutsumi took the last from the plate. Sam didn't give himself one, for some reason.

"'Tomorrow will not have happened'. What the hell?"

"Ara, ara... 'Tomorrow brings a fruitful venture.' How strange! What can it be? " Mutsumi announced cheerfully. "Oh... by the way, I just remembered... I won't be about for lunch tomorrow, since I'm going to the watermelon exhibition in Tokyo. So, don't bother cooking for me Shinobu-chan!"

Unseen by the others, Mutsumi cast an exasperated glance at Sam, who had the grace to look somewhat embarassed.

Maho stood up. "Right! Now that that's done, do you guys want to see a magic trick?"

Haruka made the "head-cutting" motion with her index finger, but Naru smiled excitedly. "Hai, I'd love to see one!"

Keitaro nodded in agreement across the table. "Absolutely! Let's see your skill, Maho-ch… Auntie Maho!"

"All right." She rolled up her sleeves, taking her fortune slip in both hands between index finger and thumb. "This appears to be an ordinary paper from a fortune cookie, completely normal, nothing amazing about it."

Naru and Keitaro watched intently. Haruka rolled her eyes.

"But with my amazing magic powers, I can tear it like so…" Maho continued, tearing the paper in half and crumpling it in her hands. She clasped her palms together dramatically, and closed her eyes. "And voila!" With a flourish she released her hands, and two white doves appeared as if from thin air.

Naru's jaw dropped, as did Keitaro's. They exclaimed in unison, "Sugoi (Awesome)!"

Maho bowed. "Arigato gozaimasu."

Haruka, who now had two birds perched on her head and pecking at her hair, was noticeably less impressed. "Wonderful, Maho-chan. Can you make them disappear now?"

While Maho chased the birds around the room with Kaollas enthusiastic but less-than-helpful assistance, Lance stood up and bowed to everyone. "Thank you for the meal, but I must go." He then turned to Al. "Can I speak with you for a moment?"

"Sure, Blanch, why not." Al stood, pocketing his fortune and following Lance out of the room. Lance led Al to the front room and turned to him.

"Okay, now how do you get out of this disguise?"

Al reached around back and tugged on something. There was the noise of a zipper, a whoosh, and suddenly Lance was standing in his boxers in the entrance hall.

"Uh...sorry, I guess your clothes are still in here."

"WHAA!!"

Al hunted around in the suit, almost oblivious to the problem at hand.

Motoko burst in with a shout of "What's wrong?" She then saw Lance.

"Uh-oh..." Lance whispered "Motoko, I can explain--!!"

"PERVERT!"

Al stepped aside as Motoko rushed past him, sword drawn. "Run fast boyo." he commented.

"Damn you, Al!" Lance tried to take off running but was stuck in fear of Motoko's blade.

Al watched as Motoko sweept her blade in a wonderful arc and sent the poor boy through the new Lance shaped skylight.

"WHHHAAAAaaaaaaaaa.........!!" Bink!

Sarah then ran in and jumped on Al's back, attempting to choke him.

"You dirty rotten two timing traitor!"

"ACK."

"I thought you would get him but you only got him hurt! You're fired!"

Al whimpered, and after removing her from his neck left to go and hide in his room. However, he was stopped on the way by Motoko.

"Al-san..." she began, "It has been a few days since our date, and I feel you have been avoiding me... I... feel I should apologise for my anger that evening, it was not justified. Actually I had a very good time that evening..."

She paused, as Al looked uncomfortable. He had been a bit preoccupied that weekend, it was true -- and it would have been good manners for him to talk to Motoko a bit, even though she had ended the date somewhat abruptly and violently.

"Maybe..." Motoko hesitated, "... you could give me a second chance?"

Later that evening, the phone rang.

"Hello? Hinata-sou," answered Keitaro. "Oh... Minako-san! No, I'm sorry, Cody-san is asleep, he's had a hard weekend.... Yes, there was an accident on Friday, I guess that's why he wasn't in work. No, nothing too bad, I think... he should be in work tomorrow. I'll make a point of telling him! Yes, he should have recovered by then..."

After a bit more brief conversation, Keitaro hung up the receiver. The girl had seemed genuinely concerned about Cody-san, rather than just angry that he had missed his shift at the shop. Keitaro would see to it that Cody left tomorrow -- Moe should listen to him, after all.

(later, at midnight)

Lance lay flat on his futon, fully dressed and awake but quite bruised. The Bink! from earlier had indicated that he smacked into a star on his way up, and only after when he landed in a mile long crater did he realize he was even hit at all. He didn't even know how he got back home, but that wasn't important now. He was just glad that he could find relaxation after such a reckless day.

A knock on the door startled him. Lance groaned, but walked to the door. "Who is it?"

No response from the door.

Lance slowly opened the door by an inch and peeked out. A small plate of nachos lay in front of the door, their fresh aroma drifting tantalisingly to his nostrils.

Lance immediately drooled, and stared starry-eyed at the sweet plate of nachos. He hadn't had a single chip ever since he moved here from the States, and boy did he need some now!

They look so tempting, steam rising... they're still warm...

"Ahh, oh Jewel of the East..I must have some..."

Just as he reached for them, the plate moved a foot down the hall.

"Huh?" Lance crept again towards the plate.

It moved again, the smell wafting up to meet him while the chips moved steadily down the hall.

"I can't resist!" Lance chased after the plate. It continued moving, leading lance out onto the deck at the back of Hinata-sou.

Lance finally made a dive for it, and grabbed the plate firmly. He scooped a handful of chips and shovelled them into his mouth, chewing on the deliciously tasting mana from heaven.

"Heh, he even eats like a man." a voice called from the darkness.

"Nani?" Lance looked up to find a source for the voice.

Spotlights suddenly came on and illuminated Sarah, who was sitting on a pedestal in a blue swimsuit with little batwings on her back and a dog collar in her hand.

"Yipes!" Lance jumped and crawled away backwards until he hit against the railing.

"Why are you running, babe?" Sarah asked innocently.

"Why the hell are you still after me?"

"Because I want you." she replied simply.

Lance's face immediately flushed atomic red. "The HELL?! I don't know what you're on kid, but you're obviously going nuts! Why not just find a cute little 9-year-old boy.."

"Because I'm too mature for most the little dorks my age, ok?" she yelled back.

Lance muttered sadly. "Why me, of all people?"

"You're a total hottie, and you are also the closest to my age in this place."

"WHAT?! Me, a hottie?! Now I know you're crazy!"

"Crazy am I? We'll just see! Suu, let er' rip!"

"What?"

Suu, standing off to the side of Lance, pushed a few buttons on a remote control unit, and a machine that looked much like a turtle stood up behind her.

"Meet Mecha-Tama L, L for Love baba." Suu grinned wickedly.

Lance stared wide eyed at the contraption. "Sweet Zombie Jesus on a pogo-stick..." he whispered in awe.

"That's a good one." Al called from his seat on the roof, where he sat in his bathrobe, PJ pants and fluffy rabbit slippers.

Lance stared at the older teen angrily. "Al! You lousy no good..."

"Hey hey, I'm just here for the show."

"What....show...." Lance is once again wide-eyed. "Oh my God.."

Lance made a run for the staircase, but the Mecha Tama was in front of Lance in the blink of an eye.

"Gotta love that atom shifting speed." Suu cheered. Lance halted, staring up at the MechaTama from Hell.

It grinned. It had great big fluffy white wings, a halo, a diaper and a bow and arrow -- sort of like a demented Cupid.

Lance turned to Suu, "Get this thing away from me!"

Suu shook her head. "Nu-uh, little sis wanted my help to get you so I did, seeing as how Al is so useless."

"Hey, I represent that remark." Al called from the sidelines. Lance worried even more, but was amused at the remark directed at Al.

The turtle used lances moment of distraction to grab him, and stuff him into a heart shaped box.

"Wahh!! Get me out of here!!" shrieked Lance, but to no avail.

It then tied the box in a pink silk ribbon, and held it out to Sarah.

"Yum." She grinned, as she started to climb into the box herself.

"NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" wailed Lance...

Suddenly, all the noise stopped. A song was playing... the song from the Wizard of Oz, the one when the flying monkeys attacked. Lance perked his head up. "Al, is that you?"

Al stood on the roof, dressed in a black robe, pointy hat, green makeup and a huge nose with a wart. "Who is this Al? I'm the wicked witch of the east!"

Dizzy stood by dressed as a flying monkey with a boombox. Lance face-faults.

"What are you doing?!" Sarah screamed.

"Fly my prettys, fly!" Al and Dizzy began hurling plushie flying monkeys at the mecha-tama, which seemed unsure of what to do in the face of this assault. Lance used this distraction to escape from the box.

Lance was wriggling out of the box, with Sarah still clinging to him, as a stray monkey hit the mecha-tama on the nose.

"Al, you doofus, that's where I hid the self destruct button!" Su cried as she ran for cover. The Tama rattled, and a display on the front counted down 5...4...

"AL!!!!!"

Al jumped on a bicycle and rode it off the roof, in a attempt to recreate the tornado scene of the movie.

"AL WAIT FOR MEE!!!"

Sarah grabbed Lance by the hair, and jumped down the stairs just as the Mecha-Tama exploded.

"Owowowowowowowowowowoww!!

As the dust settled, and the other residents of the house rushed to the scene, Sarah planted a quick peck on Lance's cheek and then bolted, not wanting to be the one found at the crime scene. Lance succumbed to a seizure and wriggled all over the floor.

Down on the ground Al, whimpered as Dizzy attempted to extract his baka of a owner from the smoking rubble that was once a bicycle.

"At least this can't get any..." he groaned, but just before Al could finish his sentence the rubble from the deck crashed down onto him and Dizzy.

"Grr." Dizzy whimpered from somewhere under the wood.

"What? No I wasn't gonna say worse."

"Grr."

"Sure I'm sure, what kind of an idiot says 'At least it can't get any worse'?"

At that point, the mecha-tama remains crashed down onto the spot where Al was under the wood.

"How quaint..." Al and Dizzy collapsed unconciously as one.

Will Lance escape Sara? What was in the letter still unread in his room? Will Keitaro blame him for the destruction of the deck?

Will Al go on another date with Motoko?

What do all those fortune cookies mean?

What on earth is happenning with Cody and Moe? Will Cody make his next work shift?

Has Tama-chan given up on Dizzy?

How much has Sam learnt from Mutsumi? Will Kitsune really be able to consume all that alcohol? Are Sam's fortune cookies accurate?

Will Kyosuke have more explosive sneezes? What is all that mystery with the mask and second personality?

How many beans make five?

These, and other questions, may or may not be answered in the next exciting chapter. Oh, and Sam and Dizzy say 'Hi' and 'Grr' to their fans.