My Oh My
'Ze Insanitarium'
10-15-05
I just woke up from the weirdest dream I've ever had. Everything was sort of gray and empty... not really there. Just like it is when you're sleeping, right? And then I see myself just sort of floating on all this water. Okay, big deal. But the thing is that I was actually floating in my kitchen sink
Weird, right? Just wait.
So Leon shows up because I'm just floating around like a loser and for some reason I can't move. Or I guess I can't move, because I definitely don't. And Leon's just kind of floating in the water too, I guess, but it looks more like he's standing...? I don't know.
Anyway, I remember that was when my dream sort of flipped and I was actually seeing stuff from the view of the 'me' in the sink. If that even makes any sense or whatever. And I see Leon just sort of bobbing there and under, but then he just slips under. It's like he's not even fighting. So I go after him, but I get sucked down too then. Like someone pulled the plug of the sink drain or something.
I remember it went on for a while after that, but it was pretty much all the same. It was pretty much just me watching Leon be sucked underwater. And me following right behind.
I hate dreams. ...Or nightmares. I never understood the difference. All my dreams feel like nightmares.
x x x
Kairi had the day off.
She had woken up that morning at ten, she had walked into her kitchenette at noon, and she finally made it to the sofa by two in the afternoon. The entire process was done slowly, deliberately, and almost painfully. But she had finally plunked herself down on the sofa and turned on the TV. It would be alright then. All she needed was her brain sucked out. She'd be just fine.
That was how Riku found her when he walked through the door at a quarter after three, for keys were insignificant things between best friends. But finding your best friend huddled under a tacky afghan with her face in a tub of Ben and Jerry's? That's just unnerving.
"Shit! Kairi! What the-?"
"Hello Riku," came the garbled response through a mouthful of chocolately looking ice cream.
Riku rushed further into the apartment, his keys clattering on the floor as he just stared at the scene around him.
Ordinarily, one could walk into Kairi's apartment at any time of the day and find it nearly spotless. Sleek and classy black leather sofas and lounge chairs dotted her small but serviceable living room. The pictures on the wall matched perfectly, the kitchen counter was glowing with polish and pride. The entire place tended to lean towards coming off as something one would find in more modern and trendy version of Better Homes and Gardens.
But... but...
Unwashed dishes in the sink. Newspapers strewn across the floor, the style sections open and scattered absolutely everywhere. Jackets on the floor, chic little hats lying in a heap. Mismatched socks and piles upon piles of empty water bottles. Where was the recycling bin? Just where was it? ...And that afghan Kairi was buried under must have been the most hideous thing Riku had ever seen in his entire life.
Needless to say, he was absolutely shocked.
"...Y-your apartment! It's..."
"I'm sorry. I didn't know I had company coming." Kairi's voice came out a monotonous drawl. Now Riku was worried.
"Well I just hadn't seen you in forever, Kairi... And... a while ago, Sora... um... Well... are you okay?"
She seemed particularly riveted towards the TV at that moment, for she waved her hand dismissively, shook her head and promptly hissed, "Shh! This is a new episode!"
Riku warily stepped further into the apartment. He crept past the piles of junk looking ever so unnatural in Kairi's apartment of all places. He brushed a few random articles of clothing off a nearby lounge chair and carefully sat himself on the very edge.
And he blinked at the charming face of a young man who appeared on the screen, apparently walking his latest client through his oh-so-brilliant scheme for remodeling the family back yard.
"...Landscaper's Challenge? Kairi, you can't be serious!"
"Shhhhh!"
A moment passed. Both were silent. The only noise disturbing the quiet atmosphere of Kairi's apartment were the delighted squeals of the couple as they returned to find their backyard a beautiful haven for both privacy and evening entertainment. ...And it was quiet for only a moment longer before Kairi drew a looong sniffle and then burst into tears.
"Ri-kuuu!"
"Wha- Kai- eh- Kairi!"
"We were supposed to get married, Riku! Married! For crying out loud, Selphie's engaged! She's getting married in four months! Selphie gets everything she wants! I never get anything! I just make boys gay and sit in front of TVs and get fat! Fat, fat, FAT! Don't you understand?"
No, of course Riku didn't understand. One, he didn't even understand that it was physically possible for Selphie to be married. Two, Riku had no concept of the word 'fat.' And three, well, it was usually Riku who made boys gay. The thought that it was actually Kairi who did this confused him to no end.
But of course, he had to lie. Or at least... he had to try to.
"Uh... I... um... Of course, I under-"
"Ohhh, you do not, Riku! You have no idea what it's like! I'm gonna be twenty three and alone!"
"Kairi, you already are twenty-three."
If Kairi heard him, she made a very great effort to pointedly ignore him as she fisted her hands stubbornly in her afghan and let out a deep, withering sigh. "I'll never have babies! I'll be sterile and end up marrying an old guy with liverspots! Liverspots, Riku! Liverspots!"
Well, even Riku had to shudder at that. But...
"Kairi, you're really starting to worry me. Here, let's just turn off the TV and take away the ice cream..."
"NO! Don't touch it!" Kairi shook her head then and let out a deep, shuddering sigh before waving her hands about aimlessly and biting her bottom lip. In a very tired, old voice, she said, "Oh look at me Riku, I'm falling apart! I forgot to put conditioner in my hair this morning and I brushed my teeth with body lotion. I don't need soft teeth... Maybe that's why boys hate me. I have soft teeth. Do you think that's it, Riku?"
"Are you even hearing a word you're saying?"
"And look! Ice cream! Not fat-free, not frozen yogurt! Ice. Cream! Ahhhhhggghahahahaaaa... I'm sitting here eating..." She blinked numbly at the label on the pint of ice cream sitting in her lap. "...eating..." She screwed up her eyes cradling it in front of her face and trying desperately to read through her tears before rolling her eyes in desperation and exclaiming, "Oh hell, Riku, I can't even read anymore! I'm a meh-eh-eh-essss!"
"Give me that." Without wasting another moment, Riku determinedly reached over his little female friend and snagged the pint container from her grasp and whisked it away. "...Phish Food. Just as I thought." Letting out a deep sigh, he placed the ice cream container on the nearby counter of the kitchenette, taking Kairi's spoon with him so that she wouldn't be able to attack his eyeballs with it or something.
Upon his return to the sofa where Kairi was laying numbly, he was rather distraught to find that she hadn't even moved at all.
Shaking his head, he stepped forward over the magazines and newspaper littering the area, puttering his way over to his friend and saying, "Time to get up Kairi. You should be shopping or something. You usually do things like that on your days off, right? I mean, look! You even have your paycheck right-" Having picked up the little paper lying on the end table, Riku's eyes doubled in size as he just gaped at the numbers printed across the check. "Holy crap! How did you get this much money?"
"Shmemmm...eh... what's-their-names... They bought the line."
"Really? The whole thing? Well that's great! I mean... Aw man, Kairi! You're freaking rich!" Riku blinked, lamely adding, "...Not that you weren't already. Now. You definitely have to go shopping! We'll go buy you fifty pairs of shoes or something, okay? Does that sound good?"
"...I don't even know if I have feet anymore."
Riku eyed the pint of Phish Food sitting on the counter and narrowed his eyes, shaking his head as he said, "I swear that stuff must be alcoholic... Well... Come on, come on! Up and at 'em already!" Riku yanked off the afghan with a flourish.
"Let's get a move-!" ...And then he shrieked.
"Oh Kairi... Oh Kairi!" All Riku could do was gape as he stared at Kairi, looking up at him pathetically, hair falling in a smooth auburn mop around her head and... the most horrifically mismatched set of sweats Riku had ever seen in his entire life. A brilliant red sweatshirt and a pair of drab purple sweatpants.
For Riku, there could be nothing more unnerving than that. "You're really not okay, are you?" he asked quietly.
"I want babies..." Kairi mumbled.
"What?"
"You don't get it, do you? I told you! You're not a twenty-whatever-year-old woman! I need a relationship, Riku! Everyone I know is getting married and having babies! I just have threesomes with Ben and Jerry and have phish babies! It's... it's... horrible!" "Do you even know what it's like to walk past some woman on the street pushing a baby carriage? And... and... I mean, you wanna kill her and take her baby and raise it yourself! I'll marry wolves, dammit!"
"...You're absolutely insane."
"No. I'm just walking around like a frickin' cat in heat." Upon realizing that Riku was starting to have a very difficult time containing his laughter, Kairi narrowed her eyes dangerously and snapped, "Stop laughing at me, Riku!"
"I'm sorry!" Riku tried. He tried very, very hard to stop laughing, but even as he bit his lip and tried so hard to hold his tongue, he just couldn't keep the insane snickering from spilling out, which only made Kairi's scowl even deeper. After a moment, Riku finally got control of himsef. "No, no... I... heh... I mean."
He tried again. He cleared his throat. He regained that composure that most people mistook as simply coming natural to him. "No. I... I really am sorry, Kai. I mean... I had no idea Sora was going to... I'm just sorry, you know?"
Kairi sighed and fiddled with her hands in her lap, staring sadly at her fingers and murmuring, "It might seem funny to you, but you really don't understand... I know I sound stupid, Riku. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just so lost and I feel so stupid and weak. I mean... I mean..." She let out a distressed little groan and waved her hands around as though trying to pull the right words out of thin air. Instead, she just exlaimed "Red and purple!" and figured that was as good as it was going to get.
"I know, Kairi. I know." Riku patted her arm consolingly and proceeded to mentally explain to himself, Yes, this is why I could never be with a girl. "I mean, I might not understand. But trust me. I know. Red and purple. Yes. Um..." As much as I love her, I have absolutely no idea what the hell go through her crazy girly head. "Have you tried talking to other girls about it? Maybe they do understand."
"All my friends are bloated with God's little gifts or waiting for their stupid specially ordered wedding dresses to arrive. It's not fair!"
"...Wait, what about that chick who owns your company! Duh! She's a lesbian! Maybe she has the same problem because she can't have babies with whoever she's with! I'll bet she'd understand, no doubt about it."
"Paine? ...Riku, her and Rikku just went to a sperm bank for theirs. Sheesh. Don't you know anything? Besides. Talking to Paine is like walking on needles for me."
"Oh... Uh. Turkey-baster, I take it?"
"No. They spent lots of money on doctors and all to make sure they could handle it and it'd work and everything." Kairi's lips puckered into a little frown as she stared rather fixedly at the TV across from her, the channel on mute and the mouths moving stupidly and just as silently. "They have a pretty little baby boy now," she said, and her words didn't come without that trace of bitterness that she wished wasn't there.
"...That's nice?"
"Are you crazy! Of course it's not nice! Honestly, Riku, I swear!"
"Well sitting around on your ass all day eating ice cream isn't going to help. That much I do know, even if I'm not a girl."
"But they don't put their cows on hormones."
"So?"
"Sooo... it's better than giving me more hormones."
"Kairi, the hormones they give cows are growth hormones. They're not the... Oh come on! You know this stuff! You're smarter than everyone we know combined and you always have been! You can't honestly tell me that your stupid womanly hormones are making you stupid too."
"...Um."
"Nevermind." It was Riku's turn to sigh as he slumped down onto the leather lounge chair once more, his fingertips burying themselves in his silver hair, his eyes looking pleadingly up at Kairi. "Listen Kairi... Please don't let Sora rip you apart like this," he said quietly.
Had Kairi still been the little teeny-bopper of yore, she would've been knocked flat by that insistent look of Riku's. But the facts still remained facts. She was twenty-three and both of her attractive male friends were impossible unattracted to her. ...It was a deadly blow for almost any girl.
"It's not his fault he's gay. Or bi. Or whatever he is. Why didn't you just go out with him?" Kairi asked. She tried to ignore the strange way her words had come out as more of a whine than she'd intended.
"Because I already have a boyfriend! I can't believe you guys don't even remember Leon!" Riku exclaimed.
"...Oh. I always just thought Leon was a-"
"Kairi, stop while you're ahead."
"Okay."
"Seriously though... I know that you solve your problems by going off and thinking about them yourself for a while, Kai. But Sora and I are always here for you... You know that, right?" When Kairi gave him a small nod, it was all Riku could do to force a small smile on his face, sad though it may be, and say, "...Okay. Just... don't forget it. Promise?"
He began to pick his way across the floor of Kairi's apartment and over towards the door from which he'd entered, saying over his shoulder, "Call me in a couple days. We're going shopping whether you like it or not."
And almost as an afterthought, he paused by the counter of the kitchenette, threw Kairi an amused little look and scooped up the pint of ice cream, cradling it under one arm. "And I'm confiscating this, by the way."
"Wait, Riku..."
"Hm?"
"...Seven years..." Kairi said quietly. "Lots of people don't even know each other seven months before they know they want to be together for the rest of their lives. ...So... what did I do wrong?"
"...Kairi... It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault at all. Sora just realized something about himself a... well, just a little later than he should have. And maybe at the wrong time... But he'll always be your friend, just like me. You know that..."
Riku said it. He knew he did. Yet as he closed the door softly behind him and walked silently down the hallway of the apartment complex, he still...
He wasn't entirely sure he believed the words himself.
x x x
In this world, there are three types of people. There are people who have sex before noon, there are people who have sex after noon, and there are people who have sex at many, many intervals throughout the entire day.
And Riku being Riku, he naturally fell into this very last category.
So it was probably somewhere around nine in the evening when he rolled onto his side and gave a small smile to the man lying beside him, brown hair tossled and mussed up every which way from their most recent... excursion of sorts. Leon raised an eyebrow at the look he received from Riku.
Riku could have sworn he'd seen the left corner of Leon's mouth twitch up into something- a smile?- but it was gone before he could get a better look. It was gone and Riku had that uncomfortable feeling that he was no more than a victim of shadows playing tricks on his eyes.
"Hey Leon..." Riku nearly stopped then. Perhaps it was some sort of sixth sense he was developing or perhaps it was just the sudden snap of the silence around them, broken by his voice. But Riku swallowed, the sounds like a cannonball hitting the ocean in the pit of his stomach before he cautiously, quietly asked, "We're... we're together, right?"
Silence.
"...Hell-o? Leon?"
"Hm?"
"Did you hear me?"
"No. What was it?"
"I... uh..."
"What?"
"I know it's a dumb question, but... You and me. We're going out, right? I mean, you're my boyfriend and everything, right?"
Leon froze, and for half a moment, Riku was struck by a bolt of fear, something that struck him so deep and terrified him so much he felt as though he couldn't move, he couldn't breathe for fear of falling to pieces. But then he heard Leon's smooth deep voice and he relaxed, muscle by muscle, inch by inch. "...I... don't really know why you have to ask," Leon said quietly.
"Neither do I. I mean, well, I do. It's just. Nevermind. Just... I mean, we are, right?" Riku fixed his mischievous smirk on his face, leaning closer towards Leon as he said, "Just say yes so we can move onto the fun part already. Just say yes and make me happy, no questions asked."
"...What?"
Riku grinned cheerfully and slid easily across the mattress, arms and legs drifting towards Leon as of their own accord while he murmured, "Good." Of course, that was when Leon's words... or rather... his word, actually made it through Riku's rather crowded and clouded brain and it hit him. It hit him pretty damn hard, too. "Wait a second, whaddya mean, 'what?'"
"Honestly Riku..." Leon sounded almost desperate. About as desperate as it was physically possible for Leon to sound, that is. He slid off the bed and shook his head, his feet hitting the carpeted floor with a soft and pleasant thud as he levered himself to his feet. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, glancing towards the doorway as he pulled on a pair of loose sweatpants and quietly asked Riku, "Do you want anything to eat?"
"No, I don't. Don't change the topic! Are we going out or not?" But Leon had already left the bedroom. Determined, frustrated, and feeling that pit in his stomach drop away as the cannonball punched a wicked hole inside him, Riku tore out of the bedroom after Leon, following him into the kitchen with a vengeance. "Answer me, dammit!" Riku snapped.
"Calm down, Riku."
"No! I want to know why you're having sex with me if I'm not your boyfriend!"
"So why is it we have to be together to have sex?" Leon asked tiredly. His hand was resting on the door of the refridgerator, but he honestly didn't look capable of opening it. Even if he'd wanted to. He was just that drawn and exhausted, just that stretched beyond his limits.
And Riku...
Riku was trying so hard not to scream. Not to yell. Not to lose it any more than he already had and not, not, not to start crying.
"Wh- What the hell? Normal couples are considered to be together before they have sex! Before!"
"Who on earth gave you that idea?"
"Everyone! That's how everyone is, Leon! Stop being such a stupid asshole already! If you're fucking somebody, there's usually a good chance they're your freaking significant other!" Riku's eyes widened slightly as a sudden thought crept up from the corners of his mind, dark as the shadows and just as ready and willing to play tricks at his expense. "Do... you have another boyfriend or something?" he asked.
"I don't have a boyfriend period."
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Riku. When have you ever called me your boyfriend." Statement of fact, not a question. Riku had never directly referred to Leon as his boyfriend. And somehow they both knew it. And somehow they both knew that Riku was going to try his damnedest to deny it.
"I-I... Well..." ...It's just too bad that that was all Riku could manage to come up with.
Shaking his head again, Leon's gaze remained focused on the floor as he pushed himself away from the refrigerator, a sigh ghosting past his lips as he brushed past Riku and returned to the bedroom. All the while, Riku remained where he was. ...Still too afraid to move, too afraid to breathe, all out of fear of breaking apart.
Leon returned moments later, fully dressed and running his fingers slowly through his hair. He studied Riku carefully for a moment, but the gaze was not returned. Riku stood immobile in his own kitchen, hands clenched in fists at his side, eyes hidden by a fringe of bangs, out of order and just begging to be brushed aside. ...And Riku, begging to be comforted and to be informed that it was all just some horrible, sick joke.
"Right." And as much as Leon was dying to reach out and touch the younger man in front of him who looked so much like a boy right then... he didn't. He folded his arms and stood in silence for a moment. He looked around the room with a false calmness and when he felt the air was just too heavy to breathe in any longer, he nodded once and murmured, "Let me know when you're over your little outburst, would you? It's annoying me."
Riku heard his footsteps moving down the hallway and he heard him slide his shoes on. He heard the door close softly behind him and he wanted to scream and throw and break something, but for the life of him he couldn't manage it. If Leon had just slammed the damn door like a man...!
If he had slammed the door, then what?
It took Riku a long moment to piece everything together and to articulate a response to it all. And when he had his response cradled inside, he opened up and let it loose with such a scream that it left his throat feeling raw and burned to the core.
"Fuck you, Leon!"
...When Riku was feeling down, he had a system to pull himself up. And this system was always on hand, for it was usually parked less than twenty yards away from him almost all the time.
Riku walked out of his house at roughly two in the morning. In his right hand he carried a mug of coffee, in his left hand he carried a blanket. Oddly enough, he was thankful for the ungodly hour of the morning. ...It meant that no one could see Riku carting the ratty old fleece thing out to his car.
The car itself was an interesting little contraption. It was nothing special- the kind of car you would expect to see in a high school parking lot, owned by some punk kid who had worked his ass off all summer long just to save up for the hunk of junk. But that was precisely why Riku had fallen so in love with his car. He'd worked so hard and for so many countless hours, just to get the ratty old thing rolling into his driveway.
And you can bet your life that he took care of his car like it was his own living, breathing child.
When it snowed, Riku made sure to give his darling a few good doses of antifreeze. He scraped the ice off the windshields with such love and care that he was often late for work because of it. And through the hot summer days, Riku made sure to turn his car off in impossible traffic so the cute little thing would never get overheated.
Really, it was borderline obsession.
But that evening, Riku had only one intent as he fumbled for the car keys, unlocked the door on the driver's side, and slid into the seat. The well-loved padding happily greeted its master with its own little hug and Riku was almost content. Granted, there was still that horrid little buzzing in the back of his head reminding him that "Leon and you apparently never had a relationship- Ohmymymy but isn't that just to DIE for? Hehehe!"
Riku frigged with the key in the ignition, he switched it forward, he switched it backwards. As the interior lights puttered to life while the rest of the car remained pleasantly asleep, Riku turned on the rickety old stereo and leaned further back in his chair.
He sipped his coffee.
He stared through the windshield.
I have to go to work tomorrow... he thought, almost stupidly, almost pointlessly. I really shouldn't be out here doing this. I should be asleep. I should be... I should be...
I should be with Leon. Like I normally am at this time of night.
x x x
The man who entered the office seemed to be a fairly pleasant sort, stocky and set low to the ground, a broad smile seeming to stretch his chubby cheeks to their very limits as he entered the room. It seemed rather curious, though, how he was able to squeeze into his collared shirt and tweed jacket, seeing as his almost abnormally large head looked ready to pop straight out of the whole get up.
That was Kairi's first impression of him, at any rate, as he was escorted into her small, tidy office by the company's polite little secretary. The two of them standing in her doorway was nearly enough to jar Kairi from her lethargic stupor that was still hanging over her from the day before, Yuna the complete opposite of her older charge.
One was tall, slender, and beautiful with a timid smile and an innocent blush. The other... short, and looking a bit like a cheerful brown pear.
"Kairi, this is... um... M-Mr. Tigi. He's here representing Ms. Aerith and... um..." Yuna trailed off, blinking and blushing and rubbing her left arm ruefully. ...No one had ever said she was a very good secretary.
Beside her, Mr. Tigi simply nodded jovially, his head bobbling up and down eagerly.
"Thanks, Yuna." Kairi smiled and nodded towards the younger girl, greeted by a nervous smile of Yuna's own making before she disappeared back out of Kairi's office, closing the door softly behind her.
Much like her apartment, Kairi's small office within the level of Paine's designing firm was sparsely furnished, but in such a way that it still managed to scream high class and style from five blocks away from its next client. And sure enough, Mr. Tigi seemed pleased by his surroundings as he bustled in, shook Kairi's hand, and sat down on one of the two maroon chairs seated opposite of Kairi's desk.
The request was simple enough. 'Miss Aerith,' as Mr. Tigi referred to her, desperately needed a gown for the upcoming Halloween function she was hosting for a nearby children's hospital. The event was sure to have a lot of press, and while Aerith herself apparently didn't care one way or another how the newspapers and magazines viewed her, the PR in charge of the woman most certainly did.
She needed something elegant and she needed something durable. She needed something that would pass but she did not need Calvin Klein's finest to be tying her down in the middle of a kids' party.
And while the cause was definitely noble enough and Kairi was more than happy to follow up on working with such a generous individual... well...
"I'm sorry, but I usually don't do single outfits, sir. It's just a standard business policy we've got established here and--"
Mr. Tigi suddenly seemed very flustered indeed, a look of incredible concern etches across his face in a flash, his chubby little hands wringing together in his lap while he babbled, "Oh dear, oh dear, I knew this would happen, I did, I did! Now what am I to tell Miss Aerith? She'll be so disappointed, Miss Kairi. So very, very disappointed."
"...Well I really am sorry, Mr. Tigi, but-"
"Have you ever had someone disappointed in you, Miss Kairi?"
"...Of course I have, sir, but that's really not-"
"It is so bad, so very, very bad when Miss Aerith is disappointed. Never angry, oh no, no, no! Miss Aerith is never, never angry, but disappointed, why yes, yes, only sometimes is she disappointed. And now she will be disappointed in poor Mr. Tigi!"
"...Um?"
"She told me, Miss Aerith did, to show you this piece of paper..." Mr. Tigi rummaged earnestly around in the pockets of his oversized trench coat, screwing up his pudgy little face in concentration. Finally he pulled out the promised paper and waved it around eagerly before placing it on Kairi's desk, saying, "Now I do not know what is in this paper because I am an honest person and I would never look at something made for you, Miss Kairi. But Miss Aerith hopes that this will change your mind around."
Kairi raised an eyebrow and diligently unfolded the paper, raising it to her eyes and peering at it curiously. Written across the paper in very neat and loopy handwriting were these words...
I am willing to offer you a starting payment of exactly half a million dollars. ($500,000.00)
This does not include the expenses of the gown and its materials. Please give Mr. Tigi the receipts of whatever materials you may need to purchase and I will see to it that you and your company are reimbursed accordingly.
Thank you for your time. Please consider my offer carefully.
Sincerely yours,
Aerith Gainsborough
Kairi read it through once. Kairi read it through twice. She lifted her eyes from the paper now clenched mercilessly between her slender fingers and she just stared at the chipper little man seated across from her.
"You can tell Miss Gainsborough that I have accepted her offer. Please have her contact me with a time and date we can get together and she can tell me what she would like for me to do," Kairi said evenly, trying very, very hard not to start hyperventilating mid-sentence. Luckily, Mr. Tigi simply nodded jovially and bowed his way out of the room with a fragmented little farewell.
x x x
"Uh, shouldn't you have a car or something?"
"What, and contribute to the whole Greenhouse Effect? Thanks, but no thanks. I'm a weatherman. And any real weatherman knows just how nasty that crap is."
"Right."
"Hmpf, you don't believe me."
Cloud and Sora stood outside Sora's little red house, both Cloud with his hands on his hips and Sora with his hands tucked behind his back. Around them the autumn season was chasing back the summer, but they were still fortunate enough to have one last day of mild and pleasant warmth before it was gone for another six months.
"No, no, I do! Greenhouses are horrible! I got lost in a greenhouse once when I was four and I thought the guy watering the Venus Flytraps was Bigfoot, so I hid in with these weird vine kinda smelly plants. And I was hiding there forever until my mom found me. She totally freaked out and ever since then I've never been to another greenhouse."
Cloud waited a moment, making sure Sora was done before he grinned broadly and said, "...That was a lovely story."
"Really? Thanks." Sora hesitated a moment before glancing nervously towards the ground and adding, "Kairi never listened to my stories."
"Hm, from what it sounds like, Kairi was a bit of a bitch."
"Oh? Wha-? But... nonono! She wasn't, really! She's... a really good friend of mine." Even though I broke up with her and haven't heard from her since and heard from Riku that she's a complete wreck and now I feel really guilty and I can't believe I completely destroyed my best friend, you know, and... "I need to stop bringing her up..."
"Hey, it's okay. I know how breaking up with girls goes." And boys too, really, but I'm not entirely sure if it's a good idea to broach that particular topic today, ne? "Sooo... You can ride on the handlebars or you can try sitting on the back."
They both turned their attention towards the rickety-looking bike in front of them then, Sora eyeing the thing warily while Cloud simply beamed with pride. It really was a battered old thing, looking like something pulled straight out of an episode of Leave it to Beaver. One of the ancient cruisers with no hand brakes and only one gear.
Sora was shocked to find that he actually found it strangely endearing.
"Which would be easier for you?" he asked.
"Doesn't matter to me."
"O-kay, which would be safer?"
"I have no idea." Tilting his head to the side, Cloud tapped his chin with one finger for a moment, looking quite reflective, really. "Come to think of it, I've never tried fitting two people on this bike before."
"...That's encouraging."
"Oh, just sit down already."
Sora laughed as Cloud sat on the bike, Sora sitting on the wide branch of metal jutting out behind it. He tested his own balance before picking his feet off the ground and nodding, saying, "Okay. Sitting."
"Good."
Now, Sora had ridden on many bikes in his lifetime. He'd even ridden on the back of Riku's bike one day long ago in their childhood. The kids had been playing war (or some equally childish-yet-heroic game) and Kairi had, of course, been taken hostage. The times demanded that, as her designated knights in shining armor, Riku and Sora had to make a dramatic entrance to rescue their beloved princess.
The fact that Sora had rode his bike into a tree the week before was a very, very trivial one.
So the boys had gotten by with what they had. Improvising, yet meeting the mark and then some. They'd always been good at that, Sora figured.
But Sora had never ridden on a bike with Cloud. And it was due to this fact that Sora was positively oblivious to Cloud's little need for speed. That. And his tendency to take certain corners of certain busy roads much more sharply than would have been advisable.
Somewhere between the moment the kickstand went up and Cloud gained enough momentum to go zipping down the hill, Sora found himself squealing and clinging to the blonde for dear life, the sound of Cloud's laughter filling his ears and making him want to seriously consider hurting the guy. But then Sora actually began to look...
As everything shot past them in a blur, all there was to be seen was color. There were no shapes and no edges, no corners, only curves and splashes of golds and crimsons. And once the initial heart-stopping fear of having his stomach nearly come flying up and out of his throat, Sora was able to let his mouth part into a smile, his eyes widen to take it all in.
They nearly swerved on a turn, small bits of gravel flying up from the road, clattering against the city sidewalk with a light patter that was quickly lost in the drone of cars and air rushing past their ears. Silvers and grays, yellows and browns, and- if they were lucky- the occasional splash of brilliant color filtering through the buildings and the people, the turns and the hills.
And when it all became too much to take in any longer, Sora still felt the fabric of Cloud's shirt clenched between his fingers and he still felt the warmth of the skin beneath it. He leaned forward slightly and the warmth spread and radiated out towards him, climbing up his arms and elbows, wrapping itself languidly around his neck and face.
The bike trembled as they zoomed over a shallow pothole, sending Sora's nose ramming straight into Cloud's back.
"Sorry, sorry!"
Cloud's response was lost somewhere in the wind as they flew around the last bend, coming to the broad expanse of open grass laced with concrete paths and speckled with wooden benches. The Traverse City park and the trees basking in the only glory October really had to offer.
Cloud left his ancient cruiser in the bicycle rack and the two of them began to walk aimlessly down the winding paths. They came to a stop somewhere along the way. They both sat down somewhere along the way. And somewhere along the way, both of them began to think it was a little eerie how they never had to suggest or discuss any of these actions- the just happened to be done and that was that.
"Hey Sora?"
"Cloud?"
"Yeah, it's me. Hey listen, do... uh, do you wanna go to the park or something? I don't have to be at work for another three hours or so and I could use the exercise. You doing anything?"
"No! I mean... I'm not doing anything. Sure, the park sounds great! I mean, yeah. Um. Right! Okay!"
"Hey, you remember that song you were talking about?" Sora leaned back on his elbows, looking up at the canopy of golden leaves stretched above them. He was talking simply to talk. And yet it wasn't small talk. They were past the small talk.
Cloud was glad. And he nodded and he smiled and he asked, "'Waltzing Matilda'?"
Sora nodded. He said, "I tried to download it online yesterday, yanno. But I couldn't find it anywhere. I searched my ass off and I still couldn't find it."
"Well it's not like it's some bubblegum pop ballad, Sora."
"I know that. I just..." Sora bit the inside of his cheek, staring intently skywards. One leaf broke free from the branches, caught in a breeze and drifting sideways. Left. Sora's left. Was it the leaf's left? Did leaves have a left? "...What's it about?"
"It's about... well. It depends on how you look at it."
"How do you look at it?"
"...Or how you read it, I mean."
"How do you read it, Cloud?"
"...I listen to that song before I go to sleep sometimes. And when I'm sleeping then, I dream I'm walking in a park and there are tons of beautiful people around me. They're all people I've met before. And I see each and every one of them and think... I think... 'Oh, there's another life I've fucked up. Sorry.'" Cloud was now joining Sora in watching that one single leaf spiral towards the ground. Of all the hundreds of leaves they could've picked, they picked the same one.
"That's what the song's about, sort of. I think so anyway. Matilda is Love. And seeing as everyone has to court her and dance with her at one point, everyone gets hurt in the end because..." Cloud trailed off. The leaf landed in Sora's lap. Sora smiled. And Cloud smiled. "Well. Just because," he said.
Sora seemed to think about this a moment as he plucked the leaf up from his lap. His fingertips traces along the veins and, if you have ever felt a freshly fallen leaf, you know what it feels like.
He reveled in the feeling of the fibers underneath and he was amused to find himself wondering about all the layers that must go into making just one delicate little band of color. He held it up to the sunlight filtering through the dense jungle of park trees around them and he smiled once more before letting go and watching as the leaf was carried away on one of the many crosswinds rushing through the park.
And throughout the entire thing, Cloud watched on in silence, completely and utterly fascinated.
And Sora remained cheerfully oblivious as he finally responded, "I think you're wrong."
Cloud blinked.
Sora continued. "Everyone makes love out to be this wicked thing. I think they're stupid. It's a good thing, because without it a lot of us wouldn't be here and tons of people would be like... they'd have miserable lives! Mmhm... be-caaause lots of people, their only joy in life or whatever comes from loving someone really special to them and being loved in return."
He grinned boyishly and rocked backwards a little, hands clasping around his bent knees as he said, "We all get a little burned, but that's okay."
They were quiet then and more leaves began to trickle slowly down. Sora flopped over completely on the grass and stared up at the trees towering around him, arms stretched towards the sky, catching stray leaves between his fingers every once in a while as they blew by. And from time to time, one would slide between his outstretched arms and land pertly on his nose and Sora would giggle and blow it off with a little huff of a sigh.
Cloud swallowed and he tried not to wonder why no leaves landed on him. He was bigger, after all, so logically speaking, he should've been a better target and there should have been more leaves landing on him. ...But... Apparently, logic didn't work everywhere.
And somehow it was mutually decided between the two that, for the time being, the silence was alright. Cloud was wandering down his own muddled mental roads, trying to figure things out in his very Cloud-like fashion. Sora was lost somewhere, way, way off whatever road he'd intended to be on, frolicking in some nearby field playing with butterflies and Bambies.
Absurd? Absolutely. But not without reason.
And when it was that they stood up to leave, Sora smiled warmly at Cloud and although the autumn air was growing colder by the day, it was warm enough to be that Cloud could smile in return and lips wouldn't crack from the blistering cold.
They passed by a pair of rather scantily dressed girls lying sprawled across blankets, face down and apparently asleep.
Sora wrinkled up his nose in confusion and said, "I thought it was October. Why the heck would anyone try and get a tan in October?"
Cloud simply shrugged and chuckled lightly, ruffling Sora's hair with one hand while the other made itself at home in the pocket of his jeans.
x x x
That evening found Sora try to figure out how to hook up his TV again. He'd plugged it out several years ago, soon after he'd first moved into the little house. His mother had gone absolutely ballistic when she'd first seen it for sale and had demanded that Sora buy that house- that it had to be that house.
"Mom, I seriously don't have the money to afford a house right now, yanno. I mean, I work at a..."
"Oh come on, Sora! Look at this place! I mean, just look at it! It's like a little piece of the cottage right here in the city. Hehe, you're buying this house and that's final."
So really, it was more like Sora's mother was buying the house for him while he wrote his soul off to her for the remainder of his life, forever in debt. Who could deny it? His mother was madly obsessed with buying tiny little bits and pieces of real estate.
But all in all, none of these were on Sora's mind as he desperately continued trying to remember how to rig up the TV. However, after whacking his head against countless walls and shelves, Sora finally managed to get a very faint and fuzzy image on the screen which appeared to be a talking fluffball moving about from left to right, an even larger blue fluffball behind him.
Ah, but it was just perfect.
Sora leapt up from the floor with a brilliant and victorious grin, ran into the kitchen and hurriedly got a heaping bowl of ice cream for himself before plopping down on the floor in front of the television.
"Tomorrow we can expect a few scattered thunderstorms here and there, but it's not looking like anything too serious at the moment. But if you look up here, you can see this cold front moving in right behind those thunderstorms, so if you've been enjoying these last couple days of Indian summers, well, they're coming to a close pretty soon as we're going to start seeing the autumn season really roll in..."
And no one has ever been so interested in watching the weather channel, for Sora stayed up until three in the morning, cheerfully listening to every word of the weekly forecast repeated over and over and over again.
(x) (x) (x)
Interesting things you might like to know... According to one particular online dream dictionary, gold leaves represent happy, good events in your life. Kairi's first scene was far too much fun to write. So were all the scenes with Cloud and Sora, oddly enough. And I swear you will understand the chapter titles one day. I promise. I'm not being an ass. They're there for a reason. XD