Jo and John weren't the only friends of George, who were deeply preoccupied about her. In her more private moments, Karen had mulled over a lot of what she and George had said to each other at her first visit to hospital a week ago.
She had plunged back into the day-to-day demands of her own job, and one day after another had filled up her time with the latest of the interminable circulars of the Home Office. She sighed at the contents of them. They had the knack of being able to waffle on at length, without saying anything in concrete terms. One real problem for which she bore ultimately responsibility, was that Larkhall was filled up to capacity and that her wing governors were forced to become more and more resourceful in prison allocation. There were requirements in placing prisoners on basic, the 2s and the 3s and the dormitory wing but, within that structure, Karen knew that her wing governors were smart enough to separate and distance prisoners, who were known up have personality clashes and to try to accommodate the differing needs of the prisoners. This wasn't what Sylvia considered as 'prisoner's friend' behaviour but solid pragmatism. She could think of two instances of wing governors of widely differing backgrounds, Nikki and Frances, who saw eye to eye on this matter. At the end of the day, prison administration banged up against the obstinate and unyielding limitations of the blueprint of a long dead Victorian architect who first created Larkhall. Karen knew to her sorrow the reality that lay behind the public pronouncements about 'law and order.' When it came to the day-to-day drudge of spending money wisely, the Home Office as a whole had a suspicious, penny pinching, authoritarian view of what it thought Her Majesty's Prisons should and should not have. Not even Neil's guile in fighting her corner could save her from being under the cosh of financial restrictions, and the worst of it was that she had to divide up an inadequate budget to each wing governor to pass on the misery in turn.
At one time, it had not mattered a jot as to who was the Home Office minister, but there were several reasons why she had become more watchful. One reason was taking on the job as Governing Governor. It had exposed her to the bigger picture that Neil had previously shielded her from. Another factor that had changed her point of view was attending various conferences of which the ill-starred Howard League for Penal Reform was just one. Another was her exposure to the world of the judiciary, as exemplified by John, Jo and George, which gave her a separate strand in her education of the world about her. It all made her look closer at the present Home Secretary who was a pretty faceless, averagely ambitious minister. What irritated her was the way he demanded immediate action in a childish, unreasonable fashion. Accompanying this was a stream of propaganda that emanated from his office, complete with a small photograph. It might be thought that this was an attempt to personalize his touch but in reality, it was designed to set his stamp on every aspect of his empire and that everyone had to think like him. She shuddered at the prospect. The world was not like this, she groaned, at least not her part of the world.
She smoked an early morning cigarette as she meditated on her situation, and watched the smoke waft upwards to the ceiling. The sun was shining outside, and helped her natural optimism to come to her rescue. It was not like Karen to preoccupy herself with the negatives in her concerns with the world about her, but to take heart in the control that she did exercise in her working life. She knew that she had two contrasting abilities. On the one hand, she was a thorough administrator and, on the other hand, she got pleasure from working with other people. Another thing was that, except for a few exceptions, she could not have wished for better prison officers and wing governors. Given the mental fragility of some of the inmates, the prison was as peaceful as it was ever likely to get. When she reflected upon the matter, there was an enforced communal life, which was dependent upon the mix of strong personalities and those who tended to follow their lead. When she thought about it, she had seen this leadership work for good or bad, and she counted her blessings that she was well served right now. She had long vowed to herself that under no circumstances should she take that for granted.
As her mind wandered, it crossed her mind that there were various ways of taking a lead. Her thoughts began to stray into free association mode of operating as she sensed those two very warm, motherly sympathetic women who now held sway on G Wing, the two Julies. Without any overt display about it, they quietly influenced the others, knowing that they should draw on their long experience and sharp eyes, Denny first and foremost. It was very difficult to imagine the Julies as distinct from each other never mind separate but somehow, she focused in on Julie Saunders who was the stronger personality of the two of them. She needed that strength, Karen considered reflectively, when she had been diagnosed as suffering from breast cancer and had to come under the knife, just like…just like George. Instantly, a light bulb illuminated itself in her mind. There was part of the answer to George's problems right under her nose. She stubbed out her cigarette and reached for her phone to make arrangements to have her brought to her office. Abruptly, she changed her mind. If she wanted Julie Saunders' help, she had to take herself to the other woman's home ground.
Julie Saunders was busying herself, writing a letter to her David. At times like this, it almost felt that they were pen pals rather than mother and son. In her mind's eye, he was still the bright, enthusiastic teenager that he used to be, who did so well at school. He was beyond that now, if she had counted the years on her fingers correctly and must be out there working for a living. She wasn't sure that she had kept up with who he was these days. She dared not take any credit for how well he had turned out. In moments of sadness, it almost felt as if he had brought himself up, and that she had had very little to do with it. The fact that she had meant well for him didn't make up for what she had lost and made it far too easy to understand how Julie's children had become. It didn't pay to think too closely about things.
"Can I have a quiet word with you, Julie?" came Karen's mellow tones from behind her and made her jump.
"Yeah, sure miss"
"Do you mind if I take a seat on your bed"
Instantly, Julie banished her own cares and concerns to the back of her mind and was all ears. She dismissed her first instinct in supposing that she had got into trouble over something, as she'd have been given the old summons. To make the place look spick and span, Julie hastily smoothed out the blankets with hands, that had practiced ease in making the material lie flat in an instant. She started making guesses as to why the other woman had really come to visit her.
"Anytime, miss."
"There's something that I want your advice on." Karen asked reflectively. "I don't want to be intrusive but I just wanted to know how you managed to come to terms with your breast cancer. I'm only asking as I have very good personal reasons for asking you"
"You mean……?" Julie Saunders asked, mouth agape.
"Not me, but someone close to me." Karen started to say and then stopped.
"Anyone that I know?" Julie Johnson asked warily. She could see how hesitant and nervous Karen was in spilling the beans. She needed a little help to get there.
"As it happens, you have seen her and you know about her. George Channing."
"Oh my God. How bad is she." Julie gasped. A vivid memory came back of that very immaculate, dead classy woman with the ultimate posh accent. It must be a couple of years ago when she was first introduced to her. She remembered the shock on her face when she told George that David and the other woman's father went to the same school. She was dead decent and understanding of her own breast cancer and really kind about the way she spoke about David. In a strange way, she had met all sorts in prison and she had clicked with George straightaway. After that, she had heard from Babs how hard she had worked getting her off the charge. In a split second, she was all ears and attention.
"Well, it's difficult to say. A part of it doesn't want to know. It's stupid but you think that if you push it away, it will go away but all the time, you can feel that lump. You try and block it out of your thoughts, and pretend you're normal for as long as you can get away with it. When I had no choice, I just remember feeling that if I went under the knife, I would come out the other side and feel like a freak. You have two boobs when you grow up, not one. It's not just that you've thought that, ever since you were young, you're a woman at last and you can pull all the blokes. It's like looking in a mirror at a part of you, which you never ever think you'll ever lose. Breast cancer is something that's on the news that happens to other women. The word cancer sounds dead horrible. You know people die from it, and you get to realize that it could happen to you but you try not to think about it."
"How did you get to have the operation"
"You need your nearest and dearest to give you a bloody good push, and give you no choice if you're not too late. It takes time, mate." Julie Saunders reflected, speaking totally unselfconsciously as her memories spoke for her.
"You get to think while you're in your hospital bed that, if you're lucky, you'll live. You then start asking, 'how long' and you get told of that word 'remission.' You might live five years but then again, it could be two or it could be twenty. That's the sort of thing that gets to scare you. You wonder what you've done to deserve all this shit"
"So how do you start to come to terms with it?" Karen pursued gently,
"No one can do it for you. You have to work it out in your head for yourself. Course, those around you do help, eventually"
"I was wondering if you could do me a favour?" Karen asked anxiously. She had been impressed by Julie's insight and sympathy and the way she had spoken had clinched the matter. "If George came here, would you talk to her about your experience, what it means, that sort of thing. All you need is to be yourself."
"Do you think she'll listen to me? I mean she's dead brainy, and what could I tell her that she wouldn't know." Julie Saunders asked doubtfully. There was an ingrained inferiority complex, which was apt to hold her back even at her age in life,
"Brainy or not, she left it dangerously late in telling anyone. She's as scared as any other woman in the same situation. Only you can tell it how it is"
The sincerity in Karen's tones finally won Julie round.
'If you think, I can help. I'll try. Anyway, it ain't as if my social diary is booked up solid for weeks ahead"
Karen grinned back at her and breathed a huge sigh of relief. At least she had one problem sorted out, never mind how skewed her own personal life was.