Chapter 17

Amelia
February 7th, 2191

I sat on the bed, consumed in thought, listening to Garrus pad around while cleaning the bathroom. "I should apologize to Gaius and Octavia. That must've scared them."

Brush brush brush. The sound stopped, and Garrus emerged from the bathroom, stripped of his soaked formal wear, and sat beside me on the bed. "It did. That's why I came home. Gaius called me." He put his arm over my shoulder and pulled me in.

I sobbed, a single tear streaking down my cheek, "God, I can't do anything right…."

"Don't say that," His voice was stern but carried undercurrents of love. "You are the strongest person I've met. You carried several burdens that would crush anyone else, and you've come out mostly okay."

"I scared our kids. That's unforgivable."

"The only unforgivable thing is you not sharing half your burdens with me. Spirits know I give you more than my fair share." I stopped resisting and melted into his side. His rough hand rubbed my arm, which helped more than I could describe. "So, what happened?"

"I don't know what triggered it. The last thing I remember was getting in the shower. … I was on Mindoir the day of the attack. I was in my younger self's head, but I couldn't affect anything. I re-watched my father getting mercilessly beaten by a slaver, not killed until he saw what they did to his family. I watched my mother and little brother get raped and slowly bleed to death…. I…." I couldn't hold back the tears anymore, and they escaped in a choked sob.

Garrus just sat there, giving me a shoulder to cry on. "Spirits, Amelia…. How did you survive?"

It took me a minute to get control of my wild breathing, "I had my biotic breakthrough, very late in life, or so I was told. I ran into the room, wanting to die with my family, but I was damn sure going to take one of the bastards with me. I had a hockey stick, and somehow I covered it in biotic energy and beat all three batarians to death with it." Another sob racked my body, "And I kept beating, and beating, and beating until I passed out. When I woke up, Anderson was kneeling next to me, and there wasn't anything that resembled a batarian left."

"Do you feel better now?" He asked.

"... A little," I sniffled, sinking even deeper into his warmth.

"Good, I'm glad. How long have you had this nightmare?"

"A month…."

"Amelia…," He sighed, "Promise me you'll tell me if it starts again. I need you to let me help you."

Despite it all, I couldn't help but smile. It didn't matter what I threw at him; he'd be there to catch it. "I promise."

-0-

I took a few more minutes to get dressed before leaving the room to find the kids. They were right where I left them, sitting at the dining table in front of their coloring pages, but the crayons sat unused on the table. "Hey,"

Both kids lit up immediately, "Mada!" They clamored out of the chairs and jumped into my arms. "Are you okay, Mada?" Gaius asked, pushing his head into the crook of my shoulder.

"I am now," I replied. "I love you guys sooooo much! I'm sorry for scaring you…."

"We love you too, Mada," They said, pecking my cheeks in pseudo-kisses. I was pretty sure I felt my heart melt.

-0-

"No, no, no, no! I'm going to fucking kill you!" I sprinted at the batarians in front of me, swinging a hockey stick.

"Amelia!" My eyes snapped open, no longer in my childhood home on Mindoir but in my bed with Garrus, who was pinning all four of my limbs to the bed. "It's not real. It's just a dream, baby. Wake up."

I stopped struggling against his pin and started to cry again. "I am so broken…," I managed before the sobs cut off my voice.

Garrus got off and laid beside me, tugging my body towards him and engulfing me in a hug, "Mindoir again?" I nodded meekly. "Come here."

I scorched closer to him until our bodies were touching. "I don't want to burden you-"

"None of that," He interrupted, "I can see this is tearing you apart, and I don't know what I can do to help. Tell me what to do." His subharmonics trilled with a note of helplessness.

"Just knowing you're here is helping." I tipped my head in, resting my forehead on his, "Hold me?"

"I can do that."

I flipped around and pushed myself into him, and he lowered his arm around me. I felt safe, like I had a shield from the pain, and for once, I slept through the night without a nightmare.