Hey, hey! Hello and welcome. Guess who has freaking Covid again for a second time. Haaaaaa... Yeah it's not a big deal, but I physically can't go to work for like a week so I deiced to use this time to get a chapter out to you guys. But anyways I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's even angstier than I intended but oh well that is always how things go. Trigger warnings for this chapter is mostly just misunderstandings/miscommunication, anxiety, stress induced illness, self imposed isolation, self blame, self deprecation, and quite a bit of arguing. As always take care of yourselves and thank you for reading.

Virgil's fingers skimmed absently over the braille keys of his laptop. He couldn't think of a single way to start the next paragraph of his midterm essay. A heavy sigh tumbled over his lips as mourned for all of the wasted time he was spending on this project due to his writer's block going into this assignment.

His phone went off. Wind chimes. Logan.

Virgil pushed away from his desk to stand up. He couldn't think right now. He'd go back and listen to what he'd already written after a short break to clear his head, then he'd try again and hope for better results.

Another blip from his phone. Water drops. Patton.

He stood and trudged over to the mini fridge in his and Remy's shared dorm. He opened the door and picked up the water pitcher. It seemed too light, it probably should have been refilled after its last use. He didn't want to deal with it right now though. He wasn't that thirsty anyways.

More wind chimes, two messages in rapid succession.

He didn't need to use the restroom but he might as well go while he was up. At least it was something to do. Somewhere to go.

A chorus of trumpets wailed over his speakers to notify another message. Roman.

He heard the jingle of dog tags approaching him and he smiled, kneeling down to rub the top of Ember's soft head. She let out a whine and pawed at Virgil's leg in an attempt to get him to sit. His expression melted into a slight frown and he stood up again. She was always so clever.

He once again grimaced as wind chimes played incessantly through his phone.

"For the love of everything remotely positive in this world, which isn't much in all fairness, I will smash your goddamn phone if it goes off one more time!" Remy said from where he rested on his bed, his voice straining to keep back the venomous annoyance that wanted to seep through.

"Sorry Remy. I'll silence my phone," Virgil mumbled, not moving from his spot as he rubbed his arm awkwardly.

He'd wanted to silence his phone before but without the voice activated sounds his phone had to offer, he was worried he'd lose it. He had no concept of how long he'd have to keep the ringer off for anyways, there was no telling when the messages would finally stop flooding in. His mother could message. She was quite dramatic if he didn't reply to her messages in a timely manner, she always worried for his safety after all.

"So you're not even going to check your phone after eight million texts?" Remy exclaimed.

"I'm busy. I'll check them after I use the toilet or something," Virgil snapped before quickly retreating into the restroom.

He closed the door and took in a deep breath of the cooler air the tiled room offered. The exhale trembled over his lips as he slumped against the wall. He just needed a moment, then he'd deal with the phone situation. They were texting so much. He had ignored them all of yesterday, perhaps they missed him. No. He couldn't think that way. Even if they did, it was his fault. His affections rubbed off on them and tricked them into liking him. They couldn't like him, they had soulmates already. They were happy without him. He can't be in their life. He couldn't and he wouldn't hurt Roman like that. Roman had ideologies that soulmates should be sacred and other people shouldn't come between them, Virgil had almost ruined that before, he couldn't let it happen again. He wouldn't let them near him again. He had to disappear from their lives; it was the only option. He could never see them again.

A violent pain clawed at Virgil's chest and his stomach churned. He scrambled to push himself away from the wall and crawled in the direction of the toilet, frantically fumbling with the lid. His eyes burned as his chest began to heave and lurch. Bile poured from his mouth, splashing into the water inside the toilet.

"Mom," he whimpered pathetically as he felt another lump threatening to creep up his throat.

He coughed and held his sides, waiting for the violent bout of nausea to pass. He just wanted to be comforted but there wasn't anyone. His parents were miles away, he promised himself to stay away from the trio, and Remy was acting weirder by the day. He'd let himself get so stressed and upset he was becoming physically ill, he briefly wondered if this situation would continue to recur.

He just wanted something good in his life, that shouldn't be too much to ask. How he wished the world could just stop for one moment. Maybe then things wouldn't be so complicated and overwhelming. Virgil's chest ached with dread and he felt the twisting again. He sat back and gulped in a few deep breaths. No more panic attacks, Remy would worry.

Virgil slowly pushed himself back up onto his feet and flushed the toilet before making his way to the sink to rinse out his foul tasting mouth. He splashed his face and slicked back his hair with cool running water, shivering slightly at the feeling against his heated skin. It was vaguely relaxing, the droplets traveling along the strands of his hair before trickling down his neck. It was unignorable, a stark contrast against his skin. Finally something to ground him and pull him out of his own head. He'd just breathe and things would get better eventually. Things couldn't get much worse, he just had to hope they'd get better.

Virgil took another breath as he exited out of the bathroom. In the dorm room he was met with the sound of foot tapping against the floor impatiently.

"Alright, Virgie, Darling, you wanna talk about what's going on now or not?" Remy asked as Virgil closed the bathroom door behind him.

"There's nothing to talk about," Virgil replied.

"There isn't? That's not what these messages sound like. What happened when you went out with Logan? I'm your friend, you can tell me anything. I want to help," Remy rambled standing up to approach Virgil.

"You read my messages?" Virgil asked, his voice barely more than a whisper.

"The phone was going off like crazy, Virgil. It was obvious something was wrong. Please tell me what Logan did to you. I mean just listen to these messages! Let's see, here is Patton's more recent ones; 'hey kiddo, you haven't been responding. Is everything okay? Do you need to get out of your dorm?' 'I was thinking of going for a walk. Wanna come with me.' 'Virgil, you're scaring me. Where are you? Are you okay?' 'Please answer, Logan told us, we want you to be okay.' 'Kiddo, no matter what I don't want to lose you. Please answer the phone.' And how about Roman's, let me see…"

Virgil winced as the first series of messages were read out. He didn't want it. He didn't want to hear them. He was doing this for them, even if it was painful for both parties. It would be for the best in the end.

"Here we are. 'Hey, Emo, Patton's looking for you.' 'Why are you ignoring us?' 'I must say I'm offended, what could you be doing with your day if not talking to your neighborhood Prince.', 'Mr. Sad-man, answer your phone.', 'Logan and Patton are really upset and worried. Obviously I don't get worried, you'd be bored without me. But seriously… we wanna know why you aren't answering,' and finally 'Virgil, answer your phone or I'll have no choice but to send Remus to kidnap you.' Then we move onto Logan's messages," Remy continued, his voice pinching as he continued to read out the messages.

Virgil pushed himself against the solid wooden door behind him. His nails raked against his sides as he hugged himself.

"'Virgil, I haven't heard from you since I returned last night, that isn't characteristic of you. Are you well?', 'Patton says you haven't answered any of his invitations. I know you never leave your phone outside of your hearing range and you are vigilant of the battery percentage as you constantly worry about missing important messages. Why aren't you answering?', 'I have to believe this is because of me. I am so very, deeply sorry for what I have done. I didn't mean to overstep my bounds. Please forget it all if it has made you so uncomfortable.', 'Please don't take this out on Patton, he's very worried. This is my fault not his,' 'I'm so sorry Virgil. Please forgive me.', 'I will never speak to you or show my face around you if that is what you'd like. Just say something to one of us, any of us.' 'I apologize, my messages must seem irrational and unpleasant. You're one of the few people that make me feel and react in such an illogical manner.', and finally to make this all the more gut wrenching 'I'm sorry. I know I've done something wrong to you. I just hope you haven't come to hate them because of my actions.'," Remy finally stopped reading with a heavy sigh. "Are you going to tell me what Logan did that's making him think you hate him and making you avoid all of them."

"Give me back my phone," Virgil grumbled.

"What?"

"I said give me back my fucking phone! It's none of your business. You had no right to go snooping through my stuff even if it was annoying you," Virgil snapped, rushing towards where he heard Remy to snatch the phone from his hands.

Virgil held the device with trembling hands as he clutched it to his chest.

"I-I'm sorry. I just… I-I was just worried. I didn't think you'd mind. You don't usually-"

"Yeah well it's still good to maybe get some kind of consent or permission before sticking your nose in other people's business," Virgil cried out, allowing the frustrated tears to fall down his cheeks.

"Babe, I'm so sorry. I should've-"

"And stop flirting with me! You have your soulmates. Be happy with them. Be loyal to them. Don't you think they might just be a bit uncomfortable with you constantly calling me pet names and constantly bringing me around, spending more one on one time with me than them?" Virgil ranted.

"They don't-"

"They don't what? Care? Do you really know that? I can smell Janus's passive aggressive attitude towards you and a theme of lying from a mile away. I'm sure there are some kind of underlying problems with your relationships and yet you are spending your time sticking your nose into my business, half playing matchmaker but also half murderous about them being within five steps of me," Virgil yelled shoving a pointer finger against Remy's chest.

He could feel the other flinching and trying to shrink away but Virgil kept on him. Remy wasn't the focus of why he was so upset, he wasn't the main reason he was stressed, but he just couldn't handle all of this right now. He needed to blow up at someone. He needed some kind of outlet to go off and rant.

"I know. I've been a bad friend. I want to protect you and I don't know how to go about doing that," Remy conceded.

"By just letting me live and make my own choices! I'm blind and anxious but I'm not completely inept. I've been babied my entire life by my mother, she struggled to have a child for years and finally she had me and I was brought into this world way too early and there was a good chance I was going to die. Miraculously I survived, but wouldn't you know her only baby was blind. She's always been there, hovering over me, a constant reminder I wasn't born right. My dad has never once gotten in the way and stood up for me and said anything in my defense. She's half the reason I'm afraid of everything and feel like I'm going to fucking die if I don't have someone with me at all times. I've had enough of it. I don't need it from you as well. I know it's easy to look at me and say I need to be protected, that I can't possibly make decisions for myself and handle things on my own, but I can. I'm eighteen years old for fuck sake," Virgil growled as his throat continued to constrict and tears flowed down his cheeks.

"You're right, I'm really sorry Virgil," Remy replied in quiet defeat, just standing there and taking everything Virgil had to throw at him.

"Leave me alone… Please…" Virgil said, his own voice drained from his outburst.

"Alright. I'll be on my side of the room if you need me," Remy sighed as he walked away, his bed creaking under his weight as he sat.

"I'm just gonna go make a call over here," Virgil stated awkwardly as he slank over to the area beside his desk where he sat down on the floor.

He smiled softly as he felt Ember pressing against his side. He began petting her with one hand while opening his phone with the other.

"Call contact 'Logan'," Virgil ordered he voice command app, bracing himself against the influx of anxiety that was approaching with this choice.

All of their messages were so painful to hear, especially Logan's. He wasn't changing his mind, he just needed to fix this.

"Virgil! You don't know how relieved I am to have you calling me. The others are right here, I can-"

"Logan."

He could hear Logan's sharp breath at Virgil's tone.

"I read your messages. You're wrong."

"Pardon?"

"The reason I haven't been checking my phone or replying is not because of anything you said or did. You made me so incredibly happy, Logan," Virgil said.

Curse his stupid tears. He couldn't hold them back today. His words were wobbling out as he fought off the new flood of water that wanted to coat his already tacky face.

"Is something else the matter then?" Logan asked worriedly.

"I just… It's time for midterms and so much is going on right now. I can't handle distractions. I'm sorry. But it's for the best that we don't talk for a while. Not just for me. You three are better off not having me around for a while as well," Virgil replied.

"Falsehood! That's absolutely preposterous? And why would you even think such things if it wasn't stemming from my confession?" Logan argued.

The painful pressure grabbed Virgil's chest in a vice like grip, nausea building once again. He admitted it himself. Logan had been confessing to him.

"You mean the world to me. I love you more than you'll ever know. I'm really sorry, but this is goodbye," Virgil murmured out, barely able to get his voice to cooperate.

He wasn't even sure if Logan had been able to hear him but he took the phone away from his ear before he could make out what the gumbled cries from the other end meant. He clicked the end call button and swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. Now came the hardest part, even if he knew he had to do it. Once more he addressed his voice command app.

"Block contact Logan. Block contact Patton. Block contact Princey."

"Virgil! What the hell are you doing?!" Remy gaped.

Virgil's phone slipped from his hand and clattered against the ground, his head leaning back against his desk.

"The right thing."

"Bitch, like Hell it is!"

"Well it is for me, okay? It's my choice so respect it," Virgil snapped.

"But this is self-destructive!" Remy argued.

"Go the hell away Remy. I don't want to talk about this. Just get out!" Virgil yelled.

Once again he heard the painful hitched breath of surprise. The silence lasted only a moment but it was so painfully deafening between the two friends. Eventually he heard Remy sighing and moving away towards his own desk. Virgil's heart leapt when he heard keys jingling and Remy drawing near the door.

"If you need space and time. I'll give it to you. Emile asked if I wanted to join him at the park earlier so I'm not upset and I won't be alone," Remy reassured Virgil softly. "I'm probably going to hit up our coffee shop before coming back to… Do you want anything?"

"No thanks," Virgil mumbled.

"Okay. Text me if you change your mind," Remy replied with a sad sigh as he left their dorm room.

Virgil sniffed and choked on the silenced cries until he was sure Remy was out of hearing range. He didn't want him to hear the wounded wail he made. He hated it. He hated that he hurt Remy by yelling at him, and he hated himself even more for the fact it had actually made him feel a bit better. He was already forcing himself to lose the trio, now he was chasing away Remy, if he lost Remy then he'd lose Janus and Remus and even Emile. He didn't want to lose everyone. He didn't want to be alone.

"Why does everything have to be so complicated?" Virgil sobbed into Ember's fur as he clung to her as his last solid support.

He didn't know how much more of this he could take.

A/N: (This is just an update on that fic I mentioned last chapter. There are mentions of cancer and death below which may be triggering to some individuals) I just wanted to let people know I am going to be going ahead with the Dream SMP based fic and posting it as soon it is ready. I was intending to wait longer and just get more of a head start in that fic and let me get Blindly and Faded a bit further along into their separate plot lines, kind of to encourage me to sit down and write them more. However, I changed my mind about that because something happened. I don't know if any of you watch any Minecraft streamers but one of them unfortunately passed away from cancer this week at only the age twenty three. I don't know. I just saw some people (mostly in the Gacha community as I'm not strongly in the fanfiction community for that fandom) saying they didn't want to use him in future content because that would just be upsetting, but I feel completely the opposite. A good person who has done good for the world deserves to be immortalized by the creations they continue to inspire even after death. Especially since his streamer friends have stated they don't want people to forget him and he even said himself if he were to die he didn't want the fan-content to stop because it made him happy. So that's why I'll be posting that story as soon as I've finished and had the first three chapter read over to make sure the world building makes sense outside of my own head and I'm going to make sure, even if that streamer was originally intended to only be a side character or at least secondary character, that he gets a more important role in the story. I'm sorry that this will probably mean that chapters might be even slower, but making sure he's featured in new creations feels like something that is important to me and just gives me another reason why I want to make that story. Sorry again, but do know, I'm gonna be doing my best here, you guys are at the section of chapters I've been looking forward to for quite some time.