Transparent
And sometimes, I feel transparent.
I often stand back and think about what I truly mean. My meaning often boils down to association. The bushy-haired girl with extreme intelligence, who helps save the world with the great Harry Potter. I'm a plain Jane, not noticed by anyone (save Viktor, of course) and insulted when noticed. Years of taunting by the likes of Draco Malfoy and his Slytherin cronies has grown old. I'm known by association, but I'm greater than Malfoy could ever wish to be.
I'm just books and cleverness, chiding my best friends to keep their heads and study harder. They may ignore my requests, but I have saved their behinds more than I can count-- that's truly saying something. As long as I live, I'll probably continue saving their integrity as scholars. That's what's expected of me and rarely do I stray from the normal or disappoint the expectations set before me.
I've always known there was a slight disadvantage to be known as someone's friend and not as your own person; however, with the war booming, there isn't any time to back down and throw up the white flag of surrender. I cannot say I don't want to be a part of this war and that I don't want to risk my life, it's not the expectation. There's no turning down my service to the light side. I'm trapped in this hideous war, fighting to the bitter end because I decided to cry in a lavatory, where my future best friends saved me.
That's where the transparency comes in. I stick to a written manual, never disappointing or upsetting those around me. I continue my practice as Hogwarts' insufferable know-it-all; my true desires and feelings completely invisible. Everything's invisible, except the inevitable.
I feel transparent.