Karen presented herself on George's doorstep, fully prepared for some tricky negotiation. This all depended on how George was feeling. Karen had calculated that as George had been out of hospital and off work for five days, she should be just starting to feel less tired and listless, and the boredom factor ought to be kicking in.
George opened the door to Karen and welcomed her in. The living room was strewn with assorted newspapers and a couple of discarded court files.
"In case you didn't know, darling, you've no idea how incredibly boring daytime television is." Came George's contemptuous reply. "Such inane, prattling overpaid nonentities ought to be arrested for degrading the nation's intelligence"
Karen was enormously relieved to hear George's tetchy tones. At least this meant that George was starting to come out fighting. The George of yesterday seemed helplessly defeated by life, which had shocked Karen badly. Even if she had been on the receiving end of George's mood, it would not have fazed Karen in the slightest.
"So that's what I pay my TV licence for," smiled Karen, as George reached tentatively for the remote control. The resident local network smoothie's face promptly disappeared into the void.
"Well, when you and John aren't around, there's not been much else I can do." Grumbled George. She was starting to wish with all her heart that she could return to the cut and thrust of court work, and the intense concentration of a new case which would absorb that unused brain capacity.
"Well, thereby hangs a story, George. I was wondering if it was too early to suggest what I had in mind and if you don't fancy it, I quite understand"
If there was one thing in life that George hated, it was an idea that was gradually doled out in small doses as an attempt to be tactful, carefully leaving the most important bit till the end. Her natural curiosity craved immediate gratification at the best of times and right now she was in the grip of an insatiable desire to hear the news immediately, if not five minutes previously.
"Spit it out, Karen. Don't think you are sparing my feelings by holding back on me. After all that has happened, I think I can cope with one of your surprises"
"All right, George. I think it might help you to talk to the one person you know that has something in common with you and that's Julie Saunders. She's been through exactly the same experiences you have and it might help you to feel less isolated, even from me, John and Jo"
The look on George's face was deeply unpromising as the light went out of her face. She frowned as she contemplated the idea. It felt as welcome as an invitation to a meeting of Anorexics Anonymous and conveyed some frightful idea of loudly confessing her emotional traumas. George's attitude was, no thank you very much, I'd sooner plod along on my own.
"You've met Julie before and I couldn't think of a kinder hearted woman. We all mean well but at the end of the day, we can only sympathise so far as we're not in your shoes"
"I suppose you're going to give me the benefit of your years of nursing, Karen." George retorted in acid tones.
"Exactly, George. I've seen this before in one shape or another. Believe you me, it helps. Just trust me"
Karen's swift rejoinder took George aback as the idea was thrown back in her face.
"Are you serious in what you're saying?"
" I don't want to come over as some kind of well meaning do-gooder who ends up making things worse than before. I've sounded out Julie and she's only too happy to help out. She's good at that sort of thing, she really is and she's had years of practice. The advantage she has over me is that she has gone through exactly the same reactions as you have. That has to make a difference."
Karen's fluent persuasive tones began to sooth and wear down that automatic blind panic that had risen up in George at the very mention of the idea. She remembered what Julie was like, and started to listen to the reality of the situation, not her fears about the situation.
"I suppose there might be something in what you say but I need time to think it over"
Karen's outward expression was composed but, inwardly, she was jumping for joy. She knew that she was taking a risk in broaching the matter and she knew how mulish George could be if the mood struck her. She was almost there, she thought, as George paced round the room in contemplation. When she came to face Karen again, the other woman added nonchalantly as if the words had no consequence for her.
"It can't be all bad. For a start, you'll escape all the horrors of daytime TV"
George pulled a face at the elaborately casual manner with which Karen delivered her line.
"I don't know which of the two of you are more devious and cunning, you or John. Very well, you stay right there while I get myself ready. If you are really at a loose end, you can do penance and watch Trisha. She's on very soon now"
Karen shrugged her shoulders and meekly obeyed George's steely glance, evil smile and determined tone. The other woman clicked the remote control and those dreadful adverts for extremely dodgy, extortionate home loans yelled discordantly at her. Karen sighed as it immediately grated on her nerves. It was totally mean of George but at least it showed that she was recovering her spirits and becoming a fighter again.
"Nikki, I'll be over at Larkhall with George as soon as. Make sure you've got Julie Saunders ready whenever I let you know. They'll be using my office"
Nikki's spirits lifted enormously at the sound of Karen's crisp, confident voice though she had to put her hand over the other ear due to some dreadful garbage daytime TV in the background, the sort of rubbish she used to flick on in bored moments in her club days. Wryly she smiled to herself that life in the prison services had its advantages.
As Karen drove George towards the gates of Larkhall prison, George's spirits lifted a fraction as she saw the outside world through the windows of Karen's green convertible. Driving along with Karen gave her a faint nostalgic warm feeling for the past, while respecting its place in their history.
George was surprised to find how she automatically positioned herself, as she passed through the bolts and bars with increasing familiarity for the place. She held herself upright, dressed immaculately and took comfort from the thought that appearance was everything today. She looked her normal self even if she still felt totally artificial.
"You're getting to be a regular here, George." Gina greeted her warmly as they crossed the wing,"I'll nip off and find Julie"
Gina's unselfconscious words and her warm smile lifted George's spirits at once. She was starting to feel part of the world again.
"Hey, posh bitch," called out Denny's voice cheerily with a big grin while Tina smiled freely. She remembered the time that this dead glamorous woman had kept her company that time ages ago when Buki cut herself up. George graciously responded in semi regal fashion as she passed them by.
"I seem to be popular round here"
"Prisoners have long memories. They remember you from when you've been here before. They know what you did for Barbara and they won't forget"
George accepted a cup of tea in the homely comfort of Karen's office and started to relax a little. The only thing that felt strange was that all through her career, she was the one to come to the assistance of others with the benefit and confidence of her accumulated knowledge of the law. She sat back in her chair with no clear feelings what she was going to say as she was with neither her briefcase nor a game plan, only herself.
"Wonder who she's here for this time? I ain't heard of any of the girls who need a decent brief." Denny commented to Tina who shrugged her shoulders as they queued up for fresh air outside on association.
"Search me."
"Hey, has anyone seen Ju around?" Julie Johnson asked." She was going to come down with me to the servery but Gina told her to see Miss Betts and she went off dead quick. I hope she ain't in trouble"
"She'll be all right. After all, she ain't done nothing"
Julie Johnson nodded her head at Denny's plain common sense. She knew how much Julie J got worried about things in general and how to settle her down.
At last, after desultory purposeless chat designed to fill in time, Gina's approaching tread announced the end of the preliminaries. Karen spotted that look of fear pass across George's face as she prepared to face the unknown and that events would be taken out of her own hands. A nervous fidgety Julie Saunders looked all round her. She delicately took a seat when Karen gestured to her and gave the preliminary explanations and introductions.
"I'll leave you two in private." Murmured Karen as she made a tactful exit, while Julie Saunders looked on open mouthed. In all her time at Larkhall, there had always been at least the Governing Governor present plus a prison officer in this room. Now she was alone, except for a high-class barrister, seeking her help of all people.
"Miss Betts told me what it's all about, something about me telling you what happened to me as you're going through the same as what I had. Course, I'd love to help you out but I just hope I'm up to it"
Julie Saunders was horrified to see a look of total fear and horror flash across George's face. This was another woman in need of help, never mind the contrasts. George's clothes were dead posh in comparison with her own short cheap skirt and top and her makeup was elaborate in comparison with the traces of powder and lipstick Julie had coaxed out what was laughably described as her make up kit. She had to say something, and fast.
"Look, Miss," Julie said automatically. "I remember getting in a right old state when I first came under the knife but look at me now. I'm still the same woman as I ever was, where it matters"
"What does really matter?" George asked in despondent tones.
"That you have your mates and that they're around for you"
The simplicity of Julie's words made George sit up and take notice. Julie gained confidence and the words started to flood out of her mouth without her even trying.
"I'm not saying that it's easy. You get it into your mind that you're some kind of freak. It's not just how much you reckon the fellas will fancy you that you used to have two boobs ever since you grew up, not one. It's also all the punters over the years that have kept my son David at public school. My looks have been what's kept the money coming in, if you see what I mean. I tell you, there ain't any fashion magazines that have pictures of women who look like me. You remember watching the telly and you may have seen programmes on breast cancer but you switched over instead to watch Corrie on the other channel. It's something that happens to other women, never to you. Of course when you're young, you never think that you'll ever get old much less catch something like this"
Julie Saunders was right, George concluded. That was exactly the way she had been all through her life. This plain speaking down to earth woman had suffered far more of life's knock backs and had come through the other side of one of the worst specifically female nightmares around.
"…..and you crawl inside some kind of shelter you try and find for yourself only there isn't one"
"……..that sounds like me." Added George with a ghost of a smile.
"So how did you start to come to terms with it?" George pursued gently.
She felt more comfortable if the conversation was shifted away from her. Julie duly obliged.
"Like I told Miss Betts, no one can do it for you. You have to work it out in your head for yourself. One thing I got to tell you that you need those around you who can help if you let them. They can't take it away for you but you can't expect that anyway. They mean well. That's all you can ask them to do"
An uncomfortable silence fell on the room while Julie was temporarily stuck for words and George felt uncomfortable not to be at the directing end of conversations. It was so unlike her previous visits to Larkhall.
"So how did it all happen"
"Oh, I was having a shower one day and I looked around and noticed this lump and, silly me, I got into a right panic, never said a thing, made out to everyone that everything was normal. I even pretended to myself that it didn't exist, after all what's in a lump, so I thought. The only problem was that Ju knew there was something up, and I went all round the houses before I had to spit it out to her. Of course I was scared, didn't admit it to myself and, what's worse, I was ashamed to tell anyone. The thing was, the longer I left it, the harder I found it to deal with and so on and so on. I had to deal with it in the end. There ain't much choice"
There it was for George, the magic formula placed in her hands by this very down to earth woman. This was the Larkhall women's support group she had first seen in action at Lauren's trial. For the first time today, George felt and looked happy.
"I ain't talked a load of rubbish?" Julie asked anxiously. The words had come right off the top of her head as if George were another woman she was having a right old natter to, not the elegant, classy barrister that she had talked to in the past. "You've been more help to me than I ever dreamed you could. I'll even forgive Karen for suggesting this in the first place." The total warmth and gratitude in George's tones both surprised and touched Julie. There was a meeting of minds between the two women from such totally different backgrounds and the silence that fell over them was one of peace and tranquility where no more need be said.