BITTERSWEET STRUGGLE-5
Hello all. Thank you for reading and reviewing. Last chapter was quite emotional and this one will be the continuation, so there will be emotions here too. Our Chelsie has faced a very difficult situation and they need to find a way to deal with it. Hope you will like it.
Charles was tossing and turning on the downstairs sofa. He didn't know for how long. It really wasn't important for him at the moment. He has never felt so humiliated in his whole life. He was aware of his condition for some time, he accepted the fact, that his shaking hands will cause more and more problems in the future, he dealt with the prospect of other side effects due to this terrible illness, but he has never expected to face something of that kind.
How pathetic he must have looked in Elsie's eyes. There he was, cocky and cheeky, trying to prove to her, that nothing has changed, that he is still capable of doing anything he likes and it turned out, that he failed. As a husband, as a man, as a lover. He felt like digging a deep hole and hide away in it forever. He couldn't imagine looking Elsie in the eyes next morning.
Ever since they got married, Charles was always trying to maintain an image of a strong man in Elsie's eyes. Big and strong man, especially when she once whispered to him, being in the throes of passion, that he was her strong and big man. From that time he knew, that he definitely wants to keep the image, which was so enticing for his wife. He loved Elsie in those moments, when she was so aroused in bed, that words which left her mouth, nicely tickled his ego. Those were the only moments, when the proper and strict housekeeper was gone, replaced by the woman in love, who didn't hesitate to show her man how much he excited her. But now, giving what has just happened, Charles felt, that all was lost.
In the same time, Elsie was tossing and turning in their marital bed as well. Ever since their wedding night, they were inseparable and she was so used to falling asleep with him on her side.
Tonight it was impossible. Charles was not here and the thing that happened, has effectively deprived her of a possibility of falling asleep.
She knew exactly what Charles was feeling. She may not have been the most experienced woman in the world, but she fully understood, what it was for Charles to fail in their marital bed. Elsie let him leave their bedroom and be alone, but after a while, she re-think that and decided, that it was simply stupid. They couldn't be married and lie in separate rooms, hoping that the problems will solve itself. She decided to go downstairs and talk it over with Charles.
She tiptoed downstairs and found Charles lying under the blanket, with his eyes opened, in the light of burning fireplace. He was clearly embarrassed when he saw her, but she wasn't going to give up.
"Charlie, I want to talk to you."
"Please Elsie, I told you, that I want to be alone...Can you just let it go?"
"No, I can't, because I'm your wife and I will not let us lie separately, in two different rooms, feeling awful. This is not what marriage is about. We will talk...Just make some room for me, I want to lie next to you."
Charles reluctantly pulled away, giving Elsie some space next to him. He didn't look at her and she knew, that it will be a difficult conversation.
When she lied next to him, she squeezed his hand gently and started to speak.
"Charlie, I know how it felt for you and I know what you are going through, but this is not a reason to.."
"No Elsie! You don't know what I'm going through! You are not the one with the palsy..I am a failure! I'm lost! I'm not a butler or a husband anymore, I'm nobody! I think that you should divorce me as soon as possible and find a man who will be a better husband than me..."
"In that case you have a tough luck Charlie, because I'm not going anywhere and I still intend to be your wife, just as I promised you."
"This doesn't mean a thing Elsie, that's not what you signed up for. You wanted a healthy, vital man, who can provide you a decent life and now you are stuck with a cripple, who can't work or satisfy his wife. You need to get this marriage annuled."
"Will you please calm down and listen to me for a moment?"
"Yes, I can..."
Elsie sighed deeply, she gently touched his cheek and her heart broke, when she felt wetness there. Crying Charles was not something that she often saw. She knew, that she needed to be the strong one now.
"Charles, there are few things that we have to deal with now, few problems, that we have to face, but let me get them solve, one by one..."
"I have to deal with those problems, not you...You..."
"Charles! You promised to stay quiet for a moment..."
"I'm sorry, please continue..."
"First of all my love, I don't want you to feel guilty for what happened tonight. I don't even want you to look at it in the categories of guilt. You were trying to prove some point and you were trying to do it in the worst possible way."
"I was trying and I failed and you are entitled to feel disappointed..."
"But I'm not disappointed. Let me get to my point Charlie. I may not be a woman of the world, but I do have some knowledge about human psyche. I know what the love act means for you as a man and what it means for me as a woman."
"I don't get your point Elsie."
"My point is, that while men believe that only full sexual intercourse can bring satisfaction, it's not entirely true. For me, as a woman, all the elements are as much important, so when we are alone, in our bed and we kiss, touch and caress, it's just as valuable and wonderful for me as the act itself."
"Do you mean that Elsie? Or you just saying that to make me feel better?"
"Charlie..You know me, I never lie. And if you have any doubts my love, just try to remember some of our most delicious moments together- how many times you managed to lead me to the highest satisfaction, without the love act itself, using only your lips or hands? Don't you remember love? Because I certainly do..."
"Elsie I...I...Feel so awkward talking about it..."
"I see, so it's ok to do it, but not to talk about it? Oh Charlie, you are so sweet...So incredibly sweet..."- Elsie kissed his temples lovingly..."You do know what am I talking about?"
"Yes, I do...Now I can remember how many times you were...Well you know..."
"I know..That's why you need to always remember, that if that will happen again, I will not be disappointed, I will not be mad at you and I certainly won't be in the mood to divorce you...I love you Charlie. So very much, you are my whole world...You really don't see that?"
"Oh Elsie, I do see that and I love you too...You mean everything to me and I want to give you all. I want to be the husband that you deserve.."
"And you are...Every single day and every single night...Things have changed now. For better and for worse. In sickness and in health...That's what we promised each other and I know, that if I would be the one having health problems, you would not think about leaving me, would you?"
"Never Elsie, I would never leave you..."
"You see my point and I do not intend to leave you...You were there for me when I had my health scare, even though we were not married back then, so let me do the same thing for you now.."
"Even if it means, that sometimes we will not be able to be with each other as a husband and wife..."
"Even then Charles, life is not all about being intimate. It's very important, but not essential. Besides, we can be creative, can we?"
"I guess we can..."
"That's my Charlie...I hope that it is all clear to you now...As far as your condition goes, I want to tell you that we will face it together..."
"Elsie...I lied to you..."
"What do you mean?"
"I haven't told you the whole truth...I tried to downplayed my condition, to tell you, that it's not a big deal, but it is. I've seen what happened to grandad and dad...This is a very tricky disease and there may come a time, when I will be completely depended from you."
"I understand. Let me tell you how I see it Charlie...Since I don't know much about this condition, I will ask Dr Clarkson to give me some books, which will help me understand better, with what we are dealing here, you will tell me what you know and we will be prepared, for what may come in the future.."
"Elsie...I..I can't even tell you how much I admire you...You always seem to find the right solution, for everything..."
"Scottish women are very practical Charlie...We can manage anything life brings us...My sweetheart, come here to me...I want you close..."
Charles embraced Elsie's waist with his arms and put his head on her breasts...She was so warm and so full of love, that he needed right now...He closed his eyes and let her rocked him gently. She surrounded him with a coccon of love and safety. Her delicate kisses into his hair, were an icing on the cake. He couldn't imagine being more cosseted, than he was now...
"I love you Charlie and I promise, that we will take every step together, no matter how hard it will be. I want you to think about your job at the Abbey. I won't push you to quit it, if that's not your wish, but you need to promise, that you will not try to force your body to do things that are not good for you. The Abbey can live without you, I can't..."
"I promise Elsie...I will take care of myself from now on and if things won't change, I will consider quitting my job, although I can't imagine that..."
"I can...I will finally have my husband all to myself.."
"Your handicap husband, you wanted to add..."
"No Charlie...My beloved husband, who happens to have a health problem, that we are going to face together..."
"Thank you Elsie...I needed to hear that.."
"You are most welcome my love...Try to get some sleep now...We need to work tomorrow.."
"Will you stay here with me?"
"You think that I will let you be in a separate room again? No sweetie...Sleep now..."
Charles kissed Elsie's lips and he put his head back on her breats...He fell asleep within five minutes and she followed him...They were cuddling closely and they had a feeling, that whatever may happen, they will go through it together...Even the most tricky disease, was not an obstacle for their love..
That's all for today lovelies..That was quite a long dialogue, but my goal was to show how supportive Elsie is for Charles. It's not an easy situation for both of them. For him, because he is unsure about his future life and for her, because she has to be the one who is stronger now and who needs to take the lead. I'm curious to know your opinion, so please let me know what you think, if you have a moment or two. Thank you for reading and have a great week.