Disclaimer: No! I don't own TT
Well, finally the next chapter. Sorry it took so long. I've been multitasking way too much lately. I've become a slave to my drawing as well as my writing.
As far as Confutatis Maledictis goes, I'll update when I can figure out what's going to happen next. Sorry about the delay on that one. And as far as future stories go, I can already tell you I'm definitely considering a sequel to World Through My Eyes, but we'll just see. There, now you're all up to speed.
This is a nice long chapter, hopefully it'll keep everyone happy for a while (: I'll update ASAP.
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Despite how I sensed things were going to be slightly different around him from then on, somehow, being as fiendishly immature as I was, I tried to pretend they weren't. Like the headstrong girl I was, I went on acting like I always had, making it seem like things hadn't changed at all. I acted normally, I went through that process of living as though that embarrassing night had never happened. Beast Boy, however, didn't seem to be following my lead in this whole 'pretend it never happened' plan of mine. He had always been rather self-conscious…around all of us. But now, around me, he acted like I was an atomic bomb liable to go off at any given second. I wouldn't have been surprised if I made a sudden movement and he just straight out shit himself. If this had been before the incident, some part of me would have found this whole thing extremely amusing. But I didn't. Instead, I found it really uncomfortable. Every time he was near, somehow I found myself wishing he would just go away, though now it was for different reasons than it had been back when I hadn't been able to stand being around him for more than five minutes without wanting to wring his neck.
And so I went along as though everything was normal. It was hard, but I had an iron will about the whole thing and I refused to let myself act like an immature child because of some stupid, thirty-second episode that might not have been a big deal if I was anyone else. But I wasn't anyone else. I was Raven. After some time, however, my acting like everything was normal paid off, because about a week Beast Boy stopped acting like he was in a cage with an angry cobra every time he was in the room with me and went back to acting normal. Well, as normal as he ever acted in the first place, anyway, which wasn't really saying too much, because as you've probably realized, the Teen Titans is made up of five complete and total freaks with no sense of normal in us. But that was always okay somehow.
So anyway, Beast Boy was normal, which was both good and bad. Good because he wasn't acting like I was going to bite him, and bad because he began incessantly pestering me once more. It got pretty irritating, especially when I was trying to read. Don't ask me why I complained about the other Titans' noise when I was reading in the living room instead of just going to my own room where it was quiet. I was just too damned stubborn for my own good. Beast Boy had been acting normal for about two days, and I was already at my wits end. It was strange, I had come to have feelings for Beast Boy (which I denied), but still he infuriated me. Frequently.
I was sitting on the sofa, attempting to concentrate on my book, some freakish but beautiful 17th century macabre romance novel, and when Beast Boy came bounding over and landed on the sofa beside me, I tried to ignore him and the impulse to jump in shock at his sudden appearance. He laughed at me, or maybe just laughed, I have no idea, and rather than grabbing the remote he just sat down next to me and stared. I could feel his eyes on me, those emerald spheres that never let anything I said or did get by them, burning into my flesh, boring down into the bone beneath, probing, prying, and all he was doing was looking at my face.
"Do you want something?"
I felt him shrug. "Not really."
"Then you can go. I'm reading."
"Oh come on, is it so wrong for me just to want to be around you?" he asked. If he was wanting me to look up from my book, he was out of luck. I continued to stare fixedly down at my page, not really reading so much as just looking.
"Yes."
He shrugged again. I felt the motion as his arm knocked against mine. I willed myself not to blush at our slight impact. "Don't you have somewhere to be?" I asked.
"Nope."
"Well go find somewhere. I'm trying to read," I reminded him. He sighed.
"Aww, you're no fun," he muttered, a touch of a giggle in his voice. And then he leaned over and I could feel his presence way too close for comfort. And then I felt a pressure, a warm, gentle, soft pressure against my cheekbone as he kissed me. Instantly, every inch of my body was awake, every part of me was tingling and burning, the color and heat were rushing to my face, and my eyes were as wide as dinner plates. All of this took place in the two seconds that his lips touched my cheek. And then he pulled back, no explanation, no apology, nothing. Who did he think he was? I sat there staring down at my current page of my book, not really seeing the words, not really seeing anything, completely oblivious to everything around me.
"Beast Boy…what was that?" I asked him, as calmly as I could, torn between feeling completely ecstatic and wanting to send a good punch right into the middle of that little green face. I finally decided to lose my earlier battle and look up at him, and he didn't answer, just gave me a big Beast Boy grin and patted me on the top of the head like he was praising a puppy and then hopped off of the couch and walked calmly into the kitchen. I sat there in complete shock, staring after him, thoughts far too rampant to be turned into anything other than chaotic muttering. My powers hadn't gone out of control. Some part of me had always known that they wouldn't. The things I felt now, though…it was just too weird.
I had never, never reacted like that when he touched me before. Of course, it had never been a kiss before, but that's beside the point. If it had been before the incident, I probably would have just gone right ahead and punched him. But I hadn't. And I really hadn't wanted to, to tell you the truth. This whole thing before had completely changed me. Could it be possible that that single night had suddenly reshaped my entire personality and changed the way I saw him forever? I think it had, I really, truly think it had. The whole thing had definitely had a huge impact on me, that's what I knew for sure.
I don't know, maybe I was being a bit melodramatic. Maybe to some people, seeing a friend of the opposite sex in their birthday suit is no big deal and they can laugh it off together and it'll be some big joke the next day. But for us, it was different. Beast Boy and I were never really close. Our friendship was always pretty shaky, maybe because from the beginning we had never really established where we stood as far as the nature of our friendship. It was never certain to either of us whether it was completely platonic with no possibility of anything more, or if someday we might be a little more than friends. As much as I used to try to deny it, there had always been a bit of an attraction between us that I sensed, I don't know if he did. I could tell, as much as I disliked it, that he'd had a crush on me back before Terra. I guess he moved on or something when she came along, sort of gave up on me, which probably hurt more than I allowed myself to feel. It was my own damn fault anyway, but I digress. So anyway, we couldn't exactly laugh it off the way close friends could. We were always pretty awkward around each other, especially after the incident, and then what happened when I got sick made matters worse.
It was close to two weeks after the incident. I'm not sure if it really contributed to that thing that may or may not have been a mistake coming to pass, but it definitely left me in no doubt of my feelings for him. Thinking back, I guess it boosted my confidence enough to attempt…and succeed at…what I eventually initiated. It was definitely a strange situation, at least. It was when things were starting to go a bit more normally for me, though being around Beast Boy was still a bit awkward for me.
I hadn't been getting as much sleep as I should have. That dream hadn't come back too much, just a few times. But I was so worried about it appearing again and so I'd been staying up all night far too often. The consequence of this came clear one night. I woke up with beads of sweat peppering my forehead but my body freezing cold and unable to stop shaking. Well…it might have been because of lack of sleep, though I have large suspicions that it was indigestion due to the fact that we all (at Robin's suggestion, of course, since he is so hopelessly smitten with her) decided to be nice and try the cake that Star baked. How were we to know Tamaranian digestive systems were able to handle rather inedible ingredients, like dirt and rocks for example? And I could have sworn there was some tree bark in there.
I had just awoken from a twisted dream that made no sense, and at first I thought I was simply spooked from the dream, but then the feeling refused to ebb with the memories of the dream…I think I'd been falling in the dream. Trying to ignore the threatening rolling in my stomach, I crawled out of bed, horribly disoriented, and stumbled to the door. 'Water. That's all I need…' I thought to myself. The kitchen was too far away…I remember something about looking around for a taxi before I realized there were none. When I realized this I almost burst into tears. Needless to say, I was pretty delirious to be acting this way. I managed to get down the hallway most of the way before I slammed into the wall, somehow thinking I could get through it without using my powers. I didn't back away when I hit it, either, I stood there, staring it down, because it felt good on my hot forehead.
It was about thirty seconds before the door next to the wall where I had slammed into opened and someone came out. "Raven?" asked Beast Boy's voice. He turned me around to make sure I was alright and I slumped on him, almost knocking him over with my dead weight.
"I need a taxi," I murmured.
"Dude, are you drunk?" he asked, sounding a little shocked. I was still normal enough to shake my head, and so he felt my forehead rather than pursue the subject of my supposedly being drunk. "Whoa, you've got a huge fever!" he said, sounding even more surprised than before. He got his hands awkwardly under my arms to hold me up and looked around, seeming to be searching for some kind of solution to the situation. "I guess there's no point in waking anybody else up," he said.
"Garfield, I really need to get a taxi," I told him, swaying dangerously, to the point where he could barely support me and we both almost collapsed. He shook his head after both of his feet were planted safely on the ground.
"What you need is some water," he said. "Come on, let's get you into the living room." I guess that was the point where I decided a taxi wasn't the best idea and allowed him to half-carry, half-lead me into the living room, where he somehow managed to get me onto the sofa. I sat there limply and slumped against the back of the sofa, the dangerous rolling in my stomach getting worse. "I'll be right back, okay?" Beast Boy asked. He disappeared, and I became suddenly terrified, sitting and staring in horror around at the dark living room until he emerged with a pitcher, a glass, a bottle of aspirin, and a worried expression. The pitcher turned out to be full of water, and he poured me a glass and tried to help me drink it, but I was so desperate to get some liquid that I ended up spilling half of it down my leotard. It took a few minutes before we were able to get a few glasses of water into me and my ravenous thirst was satisfied. Beast Boy flopped down on the sofa beside me and sat there with me for a while, and eventually I came back to reality from delirious land. I guess drinking something brought my fever down a bit, because I was able to think relatively normally soon. Though that rolling in my stomach continued and my entire body was sore and weak still, at least I could think.
"Thank you," I said finally after we sat in silence for a short while. I couldn't recall Beast Boy every being quite so on top things before. He had actually taken charge of this situation, which I found surprising and nice all at once. If it weren't for him I would still be stumbling like a drunk all over the hall or lying on the floor trying to figure out how to fly a jet plane in my delirious trance.
"Uh…sure," Beast Boy replied with a shrug.
"I've never really been sick before," I said as though I needed to explain. "Not like this, anyway. I usually just get colds." I was strangely embarrassed, and I wasn't sure why I felt I needed to be. Maybe because this was the first time I had been alone with him since…well…you know. It felt strange to have him more or less taking care of me now…and I suppose it would have anyway. I was always one to take care of myself no matter how bad things seemed, and I was always reluctant to take help. Being sick is the natural human way for your insecurities to bite you in the ass, 'ha ha, you like to take care of yourself and be independent. Let's see how you like being helpless!'
He nodded as though he understood.
Suddenly, I became aware that the back of my tongue felt strangely furry and watery, and the rolling was getting worse. I was beginning to sweat. Frantic, I leaped to my feet, shaking legs giving way under my suddenly enormous weight and sending me sprawling to the floor in a heap. Beast Boy got up to help me with a partially understandable mutter of something that probably involved asking me what the hell I was doing. I didn't have time to accept his helping hand, instead getting myself up and staggering toward the kitchen like a wounded moth dragging its torn wings behind. I could hear Beast Boy following but it didn't matter then. Only one thing did: reaching the kitchen before the hell within my stomach unleashed itself…on the floor. I managed to get into the kitchen on a mixture of my feet and my knees when the dizziness overcame me too much. When I reached the heaven that was the sink, I pulled myself up onto my feet, clinging to the edge of the counter to support my burdensome weight as my body tried to strangle itself from the inside out like punishment for getting sick, and the contents of my stomach left their rightful place in favor of the kitchen sink.
It wasn't as disgusting as it could have been, since it was mostly water and tea, but still it made me feel appalled, though the horrible sick feeling had diminished greatly with the purging of my stomach-hell. I managed to wash the all of my expelled mouth-shit down the drain before I tried to turn around at all. When I did, of course Beast Boy was right there, and I was somehow embarrassed; he had seen me vomit. He looked a bit sickened but still reasonably paternal, and he managed to get an arm around my shoulders and drag my limp, feverish corpse back into the living room and get me some water and mouthwash to get rid of all the vomit taste. I really started to wish it had been Robin who had showed up and volunteered to take care of me, because then I would have been focusing on not throwing up on myself, but instead I was thinking about the fact that Beast Boy was touching me, and it was nice. And things should never turn into a big hormone-fest when you're that sick…trust me. Even without anything terrible happening involving vomit, I know something could have ended up happening. So he managed to get me back onto the couch, me acting like a smitten schoolgirl the whole time, thinking about how he had his arm around me. I blame those thoughts on my being delirious, but I do know that wasn't entirely the reason. I just hate admitting that I'm capable of acting like such a fool, but it was true…I was fool. A ridiculous, infatuated fool drooling over a guy who had just seen me regurgitate my last three meals into a kitchen sink. Oh yeah, that's attractive.
"You're probably just sick 'cause of Star's cake thing. I started throwing up before I went to bed, and I'm pretty sure I heard Cy and Robin a few minutes later. It'll go away fast, trust me," he said reassuringly.
I tried to concentrate on something of relevance…like my unpleasant condition. The fever was making me have the chills, and I was actually starting to shiver. I huddled down and wrapped my arms around myself, desperate to make the cold stop, but it wouldn't. What with the cold and the aches over my entire body, I was not a happy camper.
"Feeling better?" he asked. I tried to smile and nod, but somehow I could only manage a watery kind of gurgle and what probably looked more like a grimace. Beast Boy made a 'yeesh' kind of a face. "Dude, are you okay? You look horrible."
I would have ordinarily given him a sarcastic comment, but all I could manage was a sort of 'gyeh' noise. When I fail to find the ability to be sarcastic, you know things are definitely not right. "You're shaking a lot," he said. 'Gee, thanks for pointing that out. I hadn't noticed' ran through my head but my mouth made no motion to form the words. My attempts to verbalize something…just anything came out as a pitiful little whimper that was more suited coming out of the mouth of a kicked puppy than out of mine. I knew how pathetic I sounded but I didn't care. "Wow," he said, obviously marveling over how indeed the mighty could fall. He sat still for a moment, and then I felt him move behind me, coming closer, snuggling in against me from behind and pulling me back against him. I was too bothered by my chills to protest or push him away. He wrapped his arms around me from behind, cradling me against him in a little nest of his body heat. "Better?" he asked. I couldn't muster the desire to speak, and only made another small noise, though being careful not to make this one sound unhappy. The heat of his body warmed me up quite a bit, and I was able to stop shivering. I settled my legs so they were bent and my knees pointed straight into the air, the same position he was in, with his on either side of me.
Beast Boy's hands unclasped themselves from around my stomach and moved up to my shoulders, pausing and tensing, making sure I wasn't going to slaughter him, and then began to squeeze and release my shoulders gently. I was a bit shocked at this sudden development and sat there in silence for a moment, wondering what the hell was going on.
"What are you doing?" I managed to squeak through my surprise.
"Uh…giving you a shoulder massage…sorta," Beast Boy muttered, a bit of shyness I couldn't recall hearing before creeping into the edges of his voice. "Thought it might help you feel better." he paused. "Do ya want me to stop?"
This was a dangerous question. I couldn't help but shake my head. "No, I don't." I just couldn't help myself. It just…well, I know it sounds ridiculous and childish, and it's no good reason for letting him touch me, for letting my guard down, but…it just felt nice. So nice. My mind didn't seem to be working properly, and I don't think it was completely because I was sick. In fact, my illness seemed to be completely gone, at least for the moment. I wouldn't have known, because I was having such trouble concentrating on anything but his hands, kneading my shoulders gently, the warm, undulating motions of his fingers rubbing my tense muscles, working hard knots into relaxed sinew. Nothing else found its way into my mind…only the warmth of his touch, the pure pleasure of him touching me. I had never imagined I was capable of feeling this way.
Normally I would have been trying to get away from him…coming up with some kind of witty comment that would send him away in a second, but I didn't. I just couldn't bring myself to. It felt too nice…it was just too natural and unnatural all at once…sitting here in his lap letting him massage me. It wasn't like we were just too awkward friends who only knew each other because a crazy ex-sidekick in a cape decided to throw together a superhero team and wanted to include us for some strange reason. It felt more personal right then. Like maybe we were…soul mates. It almost felt (and remember now, I'm pretending that I did this all under the cover of deliriousness) like we were …lovers….(dammit, I used the 'l' word. I promised myself I wouldn't) And so I couldn't just pull away. This whole thing was so nice, in a strange kind of way. And so I just sat there and let him do it. His hands continued their soothing rolling motion, and I found myself lifting my hands and placing them lightly on top of his, not pressing hard enough to discourage him continuing rubbing me, just there, just for the sake of touching. God, I was glad he wasn't wearing any gloves. His skin was so warm against mine, and I had never imagined it feeling so smooth.
I leaned back against him, letting my back press into his front, melding together. It was unbelievably nice, and so I snuggled in closer, to the point where I felt I could have easily fused against him. Instinctively his legs squeezed against me, intimating our embrace even more. If I thought too much about the fact that my ass was pressed against…well…you know, I would have probably lost my mind completely right then and there. But I couldn't help but think about it. A little. Or maybe more than a little. I found myself rubbing my cheek against his shoulder, and I was surprised when he gave me a bit of a nuzzle back. I gave a small purr of contentment, which somehow turned into a kind of moan in my throat. It startled me a bit that such a noise had come out of me. I was crazy. But it didn't matter at the time. I could think of little but him and how close together we were.
"Garfield…" I muttered softly, feeling his breath on my hair. If he was displeased or surprised by my using his real name he didn't show it. The truth was, I thought the name Garfield suited him far better than Beast Boy did, it gave him a little more dignity than being referred to as a beast all the time, even if he was named after a cat. I liked the name with that face. "Garfield." I whispered it again, turning around a little so I could stroke his hair. My touch was gentle, which surprised me, since I could never remember being anything but rough with him in the past. He didn't say anything in protest. He was very still and his eyes were closed, his hands still rubbing my shoulders gently. I turned myself all the way around and pressed myself against his chest. He still massaged me gently, eyes still shut. Pressing my face into his neck, I took in the feeling of his warmth against my cheek. I lifted my head a bit and my lips brushed against his jawbone in a ghost of a kiss, so faint I wondered if he felt it. But his lack of disgust, even if he hadn't felt it, heartened me a bit, and my face raised to be level with his as I, without thinking, without any time for doubt worry or fear, pressed my mouth into his in a deep, longing kiss. His lips were warm against mine, and I pressed myself against him harder, clutching his small shoulders tightly as I poured out my unspoken desires in that one wordless action.
His hands stopped moving on my shoulders and instead held onto them as anchors while he pushed me back a few inches, parting our lips from each other and making me give a small, embarrassing whimper. His large green eyes were even bigger than normal as he stared at me, mouth opening and closing with little silent gasps of surprise or disgust and God knows what other motivations.
"Raven, what are you doing?" he asked, still unable to keep his mouth closed. And it was then that I had time for doubts and fears, and my cheeks flushed immediately.
"I…" I began, but could think of no words to save myself.
"I know, it's okay," Beast Boy said. "You've still got a fever," he touched my forehead to confirm this. "I guess you're still delirious, huh?"
I only stared at him helplessly, neither confirming nor denying this suggestion, deciding it was best just to sit back and let his assumptions happen rather than damn myself further with more ridiculous actions.
"You need some sleep." he felt my forehead again. "Poor kid." and with that he scooted away from me and stood up. I sighed, humoring him and lying down. I grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch and covered me, and I mumbled my thanks, to which he nodded. "Get some sleep now. I'll just stay out here in case you need anything," he said, lying down on the opposite end of the couch and transforming into a kitten, curling himself into a ball against the back of the couch.
"Thanks," I croaked, still thoroughly embarrassed, still wanting to be close to him so desperately that it almost made me sick, as I reluctantly closed my eyes and made myself comfortable, forcing thoughts of him out of my mind.
Why did I want him so badly?
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Come on, you knew I was a BBRae fluff-addict when you chose to start reading this story, it's your own fault (;