A One Jump Ahead Spoof by WyldClaw
Plot: a spoof of the one jump ahead song from Aladdin- the 2019 version. in it yours truly and my fiction press persona BigKidatheart aka BK and I try to escape from my friends after I … bungle up one too many things: (awful accents/puns, screwing up another's birthday … etc) . XXX separate the verses. Italics are added lines and names have been changed around. Enjoy,
XXXXXX
WC: (sees Carrie lee Ross robbie , Moe Chrissy, Ian,, Naomi,, and other friends coming toward her and BK) : uh hi guys. ( BK nervously gulps when she sees sporks, baseballs, heavy books, etc in their hands) . uh what are you guys doing?
Ross, Lee, Moe: you've messed up for the last time! we're about to play 'pound the big mouth "
BK ( gulps): uh... see we'd like to .. play buuuut uhh. I have a reeaaaly contagious cold (nudges WC who loudly fake coughs and sneezes )
WC: achoo.. achoo.. ugh … ach..choo? oh look ! isn't that booth 1,000 feet away giving out lifetime box tickets to fenway and TD Gardens?
Moe, Chrissy , , Curly Larry, : oooooh! Gimme! ( they bolt over to the so called 'giveaway)
BK :suckers! ! They just fell for the oldest trick in the book! What prats ( the group turns around at that remark angrily and starts running at the duo )
WC: flip ( smacks BK): smooth move genius . Come on.. Let's get out of here! ( BK and WC make a run for it )
XXX
WC: Gotta keep one jump ahead of the target line
One jump before I have to put on the emergency breaks
BL It's was just .. a few mistakes
Robbie, Curly, Ross, Naomi, Chrissy, Ian: a few mistakes?
BK: ( nervously chuckles): uh ,,, okay more than a few
XXX
BK : One duck ahead of the sporks ( yanks WC down as spork juuuust miss their heads)
Seriously It was only a couple mess ups (and lame jokes
WC : They're are gonna beat us like egg yolks. (gets jabbed in the gut by BK )
BK (through gritted teeth) : shut up. …
XxX
Robbie: get her!
curly : take that !
Chrissy, lee : she's doomed
Ross, Curly, Naomi: ( chucks baseballs at the running duo but misses ) . DRAT
BK & WC( gives them a raspberry): aim for a different tac', guys
XXX
Gigi: rip that camera apart !
WC: gotta run around the prickly bramble vines an' spare my demise ( dodges them with somewhat ease but her friends stumble into them, they scream in pain . she ' accidentally ' snaps some pictures of them,. they give her the death look as they get up and still chase after her. ) .
BK: take a memo , gotta face facts. Could really use a back up plan… or two.
WC (gives BK a air wack above her head): No sugars sherlock…
xxx
Naomi: Oh, it's pathetic she's hit the bottom
Ross: her big mouth should be getting her into hot water full time.
Ian: I'd blame common sense and wisdom 'cept she hasn't got 'em
WC & BK: Hey!
WC: gotta run an' eat.. eat and run
I'd stay to tell you all about it but-oh look is that the time
XXX
BK: One jump ahead of the slowpokes
One hop ahead of my utter dooom
Maybe I should use a new nom de plume
BK and WC: : hmmm… nah
XXX
BK : One jump ahead of the angry mob
One large skip ahead of the flock
BK and WC ( sees their angry friends coming down the road) : uhh.. let's take a little stroll down the block ( bolts for it )
XXX
Robbie, Chrissy: get her!
Lee, Curly: devil!
BK : ( sees WC chowing on chocolates . she yanks BK away from the chocolates quickly ) : WC!
WC (mouth full of chocolates) : What? there's Lindor and Hershey 's and Ghire- ( gets yanked away from the chocolates) oh come on!
Curly, Ian: Evil
XXX
WC & , BK: (gulp as their friends converge): about this decision to pound us … don't be too hasty
BK: (holds up a full color picture of robert Pattinson l in a tux like a shield): yeah . you don't want to pound us.
Chrissy: , ( sees the picture and goes googly-eyed ) : my Batman ! He's so hot and rather tasty.gimme!
WC and BK groan) BK and WC: oh brother .
WC: Gotta eat to live, gotta babble to eat
BK: uh… can't you forget this and we just move along?
Gigi, Moe, Curly, , Ian, Lee, Carrie Chrissy, Ross, Naomi: WRONG!
XXX
WC: One jump ahead of the footsteps
BK: One skip ahead before they string us up by our legs
One trick ahead of disaster
They're quick, but We're slightly faster
Ian, Curly, robbie, Chrissy, Naomi, Ross: Slightly?
XXX
WC: Here goes .. Better throw our hand in,
BK:wish us happy pleading
BK & WC: All we gotta do is . beg!
WC: please don't chuck hockey pucks at us.
BK : or hardcover Twilight books
(Lee, Robbie,carrie, Bethany, Curly,, Ian , Chrissy, , Naomi , Ross all grin evilly) Chrissy: ooooh! good idea
BK and WC: bugger, oh sh- (they get knocked out by a barrage of hockey pucks and twilight books )