(I've never written full length fictional story with dialogue- so I apologize ahead of time, I know Farscaape a lot better than Stargate, so most of the injokes will farscape related)
"Well, besides trying to stop Daniel and Vala from bickering. I believe this definitely has to be alternate reality. While comparable to the weapons of our allies and enemies, the energy signatures of those enemy ships was quite different, and we have never encountered organic technology of this scale (hand motioning around Moya) before. Lastly these "Ancients," that Chiana mentioned are large bug lifeforms who have taken personal action in this and possibly other realities," said Carter. "I think these Ancients might be the reason why we are here. Cameron, you said you saw one, Did it do or say anything.'
"It just gave me strange look of recognition, took a look at the rest of us, especially Vala," said Cameron, "And it said, "You should do."
"Frell, Aeryn and John must be in serious trouble, the only time the Ancients get involved is when someone thinks they have the whole wormhole weapon figured out," said Chiana.
"Sam, are you saying we were taken from our reality for a rescue mission, Jack's going pissed," said Daniel. " Vala, I don't believe it (hand on forehead), now instead of preventing a rescue mission you gave us one."
"It's not my fault, but think of all the new worlds you can explore," said Vala.
"You guys, sure don't know Aeryn and John," said Chiana laughing. "It's always John's fault."
"Dr Jackson, it does not matter whose fault it is, but we have to save this reality and get this kid's parents back (pointing to D'Argo). I love this job." said Cameron
"I concur, Colonel Carter, Ouch what was that," said Tealc.
"Sorry, but if you not from this reality, you are going to need microbes to understand everyone," said Chiana.
"Microbes!" SG1 and Vala
"The colonize at the brain stem and allow you to understand anyone's conversation, I might be able to speak English, but the only two people in the Uncharted territories who understand are John and Aeryn," said Chiana.
"Just another thing, for Doctor Lam to probe us for, now can we get back to why we're here to save Vala and me alternative selves," said Cameron. "Any idea where to find us?"
"Chiana?" said Sam.
"If its the Kalish, it means going into Scarran territory," said Chiana. "At least this time we have some firepower on our hands. That ship of yours might be able to take on a Scarran Dreadnought. We are going to have be sneaky at first, neither the Scarrans or Peacekeepers will be happy about an advanced human warship. Pilot, where's the nearest Scarran outpost, and you better not say Katrazi."
"Wait, we destroyed some enemy fighters, we might be able to find your friends from them," said Carter. "I'll need access to your computers if you don't mind."
"Usually, I'd say no, but I'm the only one on Moya, except for Pilot, and we need to rescue John and Aeryn before anyone goes insane," said Chiana. "I'll help the rest of you settle in (pointing to SG1 and Vala).
"Tealc could you bring the remains of an enemy fighter into Moya's landing bay?"
"No problem, Sam," said Tealc.
(Chiana giving Vala, Daniel and Cameron a tour- a few arns later)
Well, I must admit you people have different names, but some things are the same. Vala, you're into leather like Aeryn. Can you paralyze a man in five seconds? said Chiana.
"Yes, both ways," (winking at Daniel) said Vala. "You should have seen how I stole Prometheus and knocked out Daniel."
"Hahaha. I think Aeryn might have to knock out John when he sees you" said Chiana. "Cameron, your not a scientist at all?"
"No just a soldier, but for this job you also need to know some physics (waiving his hands around).
"Well, you look just like Crichton, and Daniel, you could be his brother. Vala, you're not with Daniel are you? said Chiana
"Nope, but this Cameron's double might be some fun," said Vala
"Hey Daniel, is it just me or do you feel your a walking steak right now," said Cameron.
"Cameron, just keep walking," said Daniel
"Oh, come on, us girls could use some fun, right Vala?" said Chiana
"Where's an evil alien menace when u need one?" said Daniel
"Don't worry with our luck we'll have one soon," said Chiana somewhat sadly.
(Carter call thems)
"Guys, Tealc and I have something, this fighter has some dust encrusted on it and the chemical composition matches only 5 planets in this sector. Only two of them have a known Scarran presence, Gortav and Nixou." said Carter.
"Dust on a Kalish fighter? Silkozu was so obsessive and obnoxious that it has to be trap," said Chiana.
"It might be, sounds like some of the stuff our enemies have pulled, but I doubt these Kalish thought Moya would have some major firepower backing her up," said Daniel. "Any ideas on how we should do this guys?"
"Well, we can minimize the risk by having Prometheus stay in the shadow of each planet's moon, and just in range of Moya for our transporters," said Carter.
Captain Ellis also has two platoons of SG1 space marines, and can them launch from modified Alkesh and be on the planet without 10 minutes of touble, said Tealce
"Chiana you know this sector better than any of us and Vala your expert of illicit activities, any idea on disguises and the team?" said Cameron.
"We want them to notice us a little so we can jump them, so I'll be my sexy self (eyeing Cameron)," said Chiana.
"Sebaceans are just subspecies of humans. After the war, Crichton decided to annoy Aeryn by giving them one of his weird human names Homo sebaceus, so it should be easy for you guys to blend in," said Chiana. Vala, you'll have to change your outfit, the only people who wear black leather around here are Peacekeepers, and if we find Crichton and Aeryn (eyeing Vala's outfit) she might fight you. She's very possessive of him."
"How about I pretend to be very rich, and Daniel and Cameron can be my servants," said Vala smiling.
"No way, we've seen you on a power trip," said Daniel
(Ships then sudden appear and all hell breaks loose)
"Chiana, I'm reading one Peacekeeper command carrier," said Pilot
"Are these the bad guys right now?" said Cameron
"Frell, we'll see, just tell your ship to get ready for a fight," said Chiana
"Chiana, we're getting transmission,... its Scorpius," said Pilot gasping.
"Frell, frell, frell, you guys came through a wormhole, Scorpius' been monitoring wormhole activity for years," said Chiana. Vala, Cameron, keeps heads down and don't say anything, we don't want Scorpius getting his hands on another Crichton.
(Transmission coming through)
"Ah, Chiana where is Crichton?" said Scorpius
Too busy frelling Aeryn, said Chiana with a look defiance
While I all too familiar with those two passions, quit the charade, I know all about the Kalish research, and I need to speak to Critchon, said Scorpius. "Besides, this wormhole, we detected a battle in progress including Kalish ships. Whose ships are these (pointing to his window and the Prometheus and its fighters?" I notice English writing on that ship, did Crichton lie about his loss of wormhole knowledge and find Earth again.
"Frell," said Chiana
:Chiana, we do not mean any harm, said Scorpius." The Eidilons have since informed High Command of the origins of Sebaceans, and Command is actually interested in contacting Earth for genetic material. They would like to invite Earth to join with the Peacekeepers since it would allow more genetic variation in our ranks and possible cure us of our problem with excessive heat. My ship is standing down, I would like to meet with Crichton, Officer Sun and member of this Earth ship on Moya in say half an arn.
"Chiana, you know this Scorpius, what do you suggest," said Sam.
"We meet the creepy frellnik and if he gives us trouble, he gets a taste of what would Crichton say, "Good old American know how," said Chiana.