Disclaimer: YARG!

Yay! I finally got this chapter up (: Sorry it took so long. I'm pretty swamped with a huge load of English projects at the moment, so I haven't had much time to get online, and plus I don't really have internet on this computer (unless you count dial-up, but I don't. It takes forever!)

The majority of the second half of this chapter builds on Raven and Robin's friendship, but I'll just clear this up right away: This is NOT a RaexRob fanfic. This is (obviously) BBxRae.

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The force of him sitting up and, of course, the force of my own shock , propelled me backward, off of the cot and onto the floor beside it. Garfield was now in a sitting position, staring at me down on the tile with an expression on his face that would normally be directed at someone who had suddenly begun speaking in tongues. I might as well have thrown myself onto the ground and acted out a scene from The Exorcist, I seriously doubt he could be any more freaked out than he was now.

"I…I…" was all I could manage to get out of my mouth. I could feel my cheeks flushing. All of the blood had drained out of my face when he had yelled, and now it was rushing into my cheeks.

He looked almost as strange as I imaged myself looking. Large, emerald eyes widened into giant bulging circles on his face, cheeks stained a deep red from his blushing, his hands trembling. I felt, in short, like a huge, perverted idiot. We sat and stared at each other for an awkward moment, my terror intensifying as the reality of what I had just done slowly began to sink in.

"Beast Boy…" I muttered. He was still gaping at me, and I could think of no words. The tension between us was thick in the air. I could almost see it hanging there, mocking us, making it almost impossible for us to speak. It felt like something large and furry had crawled into my throat and was now lodged there, refusing to budge.

"Raven…" he said, words trailing off as he stared down at me. I picked myself clumsily off of the tile and swayed to my feet, trying to will myself not to simply collapse back down. I was unable to look him in the eye for a moment, and when I finally could, he didn't look any less shaken. He opened his mouth and for a moment nothing came out. "Why did you just…kiss me?" he asked, eyes slightly glossed over.

At that moment, I had absolutely no answer. I stammered stupidly several times, opening and closing my mouth like a fish with a mental impairment before I finally decided to keep it closed. I shook my head instead.

"So you did that for no reason?" Garfield still looked baffled, as though not really sure what he should be thinking about this situation. I managed to hate myself quite thoroughly right then.

"No…well…I don't know…" I stammered, grabbing my hood and pulling it up over my face, turning away because it was easier to talk to him that way. I could sense him moving behind me, I heard the squeak of the cot as he got off of it and his feet hit the floor. "It's okay, Raven." I started to walk away from him as quickly as I could. I didn't want to deal with this. "If you had a reason…" I glared furiously. His hand closed on my shoulder to stop me and he took me by surprise as he spun me around, holding onto my upper arms gently so I was forced to look at him. "…then what was it?"

He was staring me down. This was the kind of thing Robin normally did. I had never seen Garfield act so domineering. His emerald eyes stared into mine, but though the gaze was forceful, there was nothing unkind about it. It was almost warm. I could feel my expression soften. His hand lifted from my arm for a moment to push back my hood and it fell back to hang worthlessly around my neck. That blush that had lifted danced across my cheeks once more. We were so close right now. His spinning me around had involuntarily brought us nearer than was normally necessary. If I moved forward just a few inches we would be kissing again. This thought sent the blush reeling even darker across my cheeks, spraying them a deeper pink, I knew, because of how warm they suddenly were. There was a silence then, a pause that was comfortable and awkward all at the same time. And then a slight noise behind us had Garfield letting go of my upper arms and I stumbled backwards, set off-balance by the sudden loss of support on my body.

I wasn't exactly sure what the noise had been until I heard the soft, mechanical whoosh of the automatic doors to the Med. Bay swing open, and decided the noise must have been footsteps. I became aware of an unwanted presence and knew that the others had unmistakably arrived.

"BB, you're awake!" Cyborg exclaimed happily, clapping Garfield on the back.

"Uh, yeah, Cy," he said with a still slightly nervous grin, looking up at the half-robot teenager who beamed down at him. Despite his moment of control just a moment ago, Garfield was still shaky and slightly mortified, his cheeks still aflame with the fierce blush. It was kind of nice for once to not be the only one who looked like the best thing for them at the moment would be to take a flying leap out of the nearest (preferably 12th story) window.

"Feeling okay?" Robin asked Garfield. He gave a quick nod and turned away slightly, probably trying to conceal how much he was still blushing. I felt suddenly guilty for what I had done. I wasn't exactly sure if it was wrong or not. It was sort of like I had mouth-raped him. Shit…that sounds much worse than what I really mean…oh God…I didn't…you know….I didn't….alright, I'm not even going to go there. The point is…I didn't have my mouth anywhere fiendishly inappropriate. I kissed him against his will, that's all.

I wondered for a moment if he hated me now. The thought of that scared me. I had treated him horribly in the past, and I had still managed to avoid making him despise the very sound of my name, and I really hoped that what I had just done hadn't ruined that.

I tried to tell myself that no matter what happened, I was never going to do that again. I tried to make myself believe it. It made him horribly uncomfortable, and I didn't want him to feel that way. And so, deep within myself at that moment, I promised that I would never again make any kind of move on Garfield. I promised it and sealed that promise tight within my mind where I would never forget it, never ignore it, never dishonor it. It was a promise. If there was one thing Raven Roth was capable of, it was making an honest vow that would never be forgotten.

That was another one of The Changes that took place that summer: I started breaking promises.

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Part of me really didn't want to realize the fact that Robin had a new part of his life. It was just an uncomfortable thing for me to think about. He was my best friend, and suddenly there was this huge chunk of his life that none of us were part of. It felt strange, because for the past several years, except for his situations with Slade, Robin had pretty much included us in everything he did. The five of us had been pretty much what the whole world was to each other, our own little secret universe that no one else could ever understand. There was the thing about friendship that I hated. I threw my whole being into my friendships. Even when I had stayed withdrawn from the Titans in the beginning, I put every part of me into my relationships with my friends. Even though I never admitted it, I depended on them to just be there. Not do anything, not even to help. Just to be there. I made them my world, sacrificed everything, even the little insignificant things that I didn't even notice. But in every friendship, especially the ones where you love as wholly as I did the Titans, there is disappointment. There is the inevitable letdown, no matter how many years you spend up at the top of the world.

I had had my share of disappointments with them already, but this was different. I had never really felt shut out before. I was always an overly-sensitive person, tending to over-analyze every situation, and so this fact really got to me. Robin was trying to pull us all into this new little part of his world, include us, make us part of it. But it was different somehow…though he wanted us inside, this part of his life left us outside, no matter how ridiculous and melodramatic it seems. I always seemed to blow things out of proportion when it came to my friends, and I'm still not really sure why. Maybe because they were really the only thing I had in my life, besides the whole crime-fighting thing. But no matter what the reason, I was always horrendously over-protective of them. I wanted them close to me forever, but no one can ever stay forever. I didn't want to think of the new facet of Robin's life, the part that none of us could ever hope to understand. I could accept it, but I would never enjoy it.

And so it was no surprise that I hid under my hood as I helped Robin unload music equipment from the seatless back of his car. I silently grabbed amps, guitars, drums, mic stands, lifting them in veils of ebony energy and transferring them carefully through the door of Titans Tower, letting my mind guide them up to the living room.

"Thanks for the help, Raven. You're way better at this than I'll ever be," Robin said, grinning at me and lifting several electrical cords from the back. I didn't answer, just gave him a nod and my patented little fleeting ghost of a smile. Robin set the cords down in the back again for a moment, and turned to face me, cocking his head slightly. "Raven, is something wrong?" he asked, his gentle concern flooding his voice over and turning it into more of a security blanket.

I shook my head. "I'm fine," I told him unconvincingly, transferring the last bit of equipment, Robin's dropped electrical cords, from the back of the car to the living room.

Robin gave a soft sigh, a whisper of air over his lips. "If there's something wrong, you can tell me. You know that, right?" he asked gently. He sounded so fatherly, so soft and parental. He's always been the closest thing to a real father I have ever had, and right then this was very hard to resist. For a moment I wanted to fly into little kid mode and wrap my arms around him, and never let him go. But I didn't. Instead I nodded.

"I know. Thanks," I said with a small nod, turning away to head inside. Robin grabbed my forearm, and I took this as an indication that he wanted me to stop and did so. He was looking at me like I was his teenage daughter who he knew for a fact had been drinking but wasn't fessing up.

"Raven, I can tell something is wrong. What is it? If something is bothering you, you need to tell me." he looked me straight in the eye. "I can help."

Great. He thought my problem was one involving my own life. Just super. Trust me to make people just to stupid conclusions because I'm too pigheaded to ever just come right out and talk about it.

"Look, Robin, it's not…well… anything to do with me. You don't need to worry." he was still looking at me expectantly. I had a hunch he wasn't going to let me go until I told him what was going on. "I'm just…a little worried."

He raised one half of his mask, which meant that he had raised an eyebrow. Or maybe his eyelids were having spasms and trying to break loose from his face…which is personally what I think is happening to Shannon Doherty every time she appears on television. "Worried? About what?" he looked concerned and a little confused. He pushed my hood back so I couldn't hide from him in my shadows anymore.

"Well…I know this sounds stupid." I pulled my hood back up with the arm that he didn't have in a vice grip. "But…it's like Starfire said before. I sort of feel like I'm losing you," I said softly. He opened his mouth in surprise and started to say something, but I wasn't finished yet. "And not just because of this whole band thing. You've been so…distant, after what happened with the Brotherhood…" I felt compelled to pause. "…after what they….did to you." a visible shudder went through his body, and through mine, too, dark, fear-drenched memories drilling their way into my thoughts. I felt sick for a moment. "It's like you're so far away from me, and I can't touch you anymore."

Robin was looking off at something over my shoulder. I could see a strange edge of weakness that I had caught glimpses of many times in the past, that little helplessness that no one else ever seemed to make sense of. My powers went haywire picking up his rampant emotions, confusion mixed with fear mixed with internal pain, and then his feelings smoothed over to his normal calm, his flash of weakness was gone. "I had a grandfather when I was younger. He lost a leg in Vietnam, and he used to be so uncomfortable talking about the war. But I remember he said that his leg was just flesh. He hadn't really lost anything by losing it. But he said he lost something else, something he didn't even remember having, but it takes forever to get it back again…" he looked back at me, and there was nothing unnatural about his face or tone, but his words were eerie. "That's how I feel."

I wasn't exactly sure what to say, and so I stayed silent, waiting for him to speak again. The hand that gripped my arm trembled for a moment, and then steadied again.

"I feel like I lost something in that base. Some of the things they did…I still remember it and it almost scares me that I could survive it and…still be a person…not just a shell. But something was gone. I got it back, but it scares me thinking that it was ever gone…that I could ever lose something like that. I've done impossible things. Stupid things. Terrifying things. But I never lost anything before. And then I somehow came out of that base changed, after all that. It scared me, and so I sort of…I don't know." he paused and regarded me through his mask, though I could sense the eyes underneath getting their usual look in them, whatever that was. "I guess that's why it seemed that way. But don't worry, Raven. Anything that happened in the past, this band thing, anything that happens in the future…you're never going to lose me," he assured me, giving my arm a squeeze before he let go. "I promise."

I touched his arm, squeezing his flesh, my concern for him overriding all thoughts about my own problems. Some part of me had always known that what had happened to him in that base had marked him deeper than he ever showed, and this just proved that assumption. "Are you alright?" I asked him, giving his arm another squeeze, sort of wishing I could be parental and comforting right at that moment so I could comfort him the way he always comforted all of us. "Do you need to talk about it?"

Robin shook his head. "I'm over it, Rae. I promise. It just…it freaks me out sometimes thinking back on it. I'd rather not think about it. Besides, I need to concentrate on keeping you in line today, remember?" he joked, and I could see the familiar look to the curve of his smile.

I became aware of myself smiling, and knew that it was alright.

"We'd better get inside before we're late," he said, and I saw him quickly glance for a watch that he didn't have, an old habit I suppose is hard for people who used to be normal to break, no matter how many years they run around in green tights.

I nodded, giving him a pat on the shoulder. "And thanks, Robin."

He smiled his usual Robin-esque smile and nodded back. "Don't mention it." we started for the Tower. "Oh, and by the way, you might want to make sure he's asleep next time you decide to kiss him," Robin remarked, dodging my punch as we walked through the front door.

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I'll post the next chapter as soon as possible. I'm doing about 4 English projects at once now as well as heavy-duty research, so it's kinda crazy right now. But I have a pretty good start in chapter nine, so it won't take TOO long.