Harry Potter and the Curse of V'Ardian

Chapter 36

Of Redemption and Respect

Standard Disclaimers Apply

oOoOo

"Come on, Snape. Immortality? Who wants that?" asked Harry wearily.

"A great many people would kill for that opportunity, as you well know," replied Snape dryly.

"But not me," said Harry firmly. "I don't want to live as a vampire for the rest of my life. I don't want to watch all of my friends grow old and die while I live on."

"So you would rather die?" asked Snape pointedly. Harry hesitated.

"I don't want to live forever," Harry repeated.

"It won't be forever, Harry," said Snape quietly. "Even vampires do not have that ability."

"But a thousand years would seem like forever," said Harry glumly. "I don't think I could do it."

Snape and Harry sat in silence, the firelight flickering warmly over their features.

"And what happens if I come through this, only to be incriminated for the things I've done?" asked Harry eventually, his tone somewhat defensive. "People have been quick to judge me before, and this time the things they say are going to be true."

Snape studied Harry for a moment, before inclining his head slightly.

"It is – a chance you will have to be prepared to take," he said haltingly. "But remember that the Ministry is on your side now. Arthur Weasley would do anything to protect you."

"Would he?" Harry cut in. "If he had the pressure of the public behind him, would he? If he knew that it was me who killed Dumbledore, would he then? Arthur Weasley is a man of the truth, Snape. I don't want him to abandon his principles because of me."

"Oh, stop being so noble," sneered Snape. "Arthur Weasley would do anything to save you, Potter, and that is because he is a good man. He will understand the circumstances, and damn his principles if it means you will be condemned."

"But I killed Dumbledore," persisted Harry. "No matter what, it all comes back to that, and murder is inexcusable in most people's eyes. And for it to be Dumbledore- some would consider it the ultimate sin."

"It had to be done," said Snape emotionlessly. Harry felt anger creep into his heart and he stood up abruptly.

"But I killed him, Snape. I raised my wand and cast the Killing Curse. I took his life in cold blood! And I know it was wrong! How can I ask people to accept what I did when I can't even accept it myself?" he yelled. He whirled around, striding angrily through the small room. "I'm sick of living like this, Snape! I want it to end and if I have to die for that to happen then so be it!"

"You cannot mean that," said Snape sharply.

Harry sat down again, burying his head in his hands.

"I don't know what I want anymore," he said quietly. "I hardly have a choice."

"You always have a choice," corrected Snape. Harry shook his head.

"You know how many times I've wondered if I should just give up? It all seems so futile, and I hate feeling like this! I want it all to end so much, but I know I can't give up. I don't want to be the one with this responsibility."

"But you are."

"I know," said Harry softly. "I know."

"And what of Katherine?" asked Snape, his voice somewhat stilted. "You would not try, even for her?"

Harry sighed.

"That's the thing, though. There's no way I can't try. If I don't, Voldemort will win, and I won't have that hanging over me forever."

"Is that your only concern?" asked Snape, his voice holding an oddly threatening note. Harry looked up at him.

"I think I love her," said Harry, flushing slightly. It was hard talking to Snape about something like this.

"You think?" mocked Snape, and Harry's cheeks reddened further.

"I don't think I've ever really loved someone before," he said. "But I'm just not sure. I'm only seventeen…"

"I can assure you, Potter, she feels the same way."

"No matter how much you despise the fact?" Harry asked, his lips quirking upwards.

"Precisely," replied Snape blandly.

Was it fair, Snape wondered, that a seventeen year old boy should be forced to choose between life and death? Was it fair that anyone had to? Who had the right to force such decisions upon people? Snape marvelled that this young man had come so far. So much had happened in the past months, so much that had caused him to change his opinion. He had to admit that the things Albus had said to him weren't so untrue after all; he and Harry Potter weren't so different.

This fact irked him not because he disliked Harry Potter, but because people said that Potter was like the Dark Lord in some ways. Logically, this implied that Severus, too, was like the Dark Lord. It was a distinction he did not want to think of, for it was one of the things that had originally drawn him to Tom Riddle.

Snape pondered the situation they found themselves in; they, being himself and Harry Potter. He had never thought he would ever look upon the boy civilly, nor the other way around, but he found that that was exactly the situation they found themselves in. Harry Potter was, in retrospect, a determined, capable young man; albeit one who was sometimes overly and aggravatingly dense.

Snape stopped his train of thought before he unwittingly complimented the boy. This boy who was currently doing Merlin-knew-what with his daughter, and endangering her life as a result. Snape scowled.

"What?" asked Harry, looking wearily up at Snape. He looked tired, maybe ill. Snape scowled further and shook his head curtly.

"Nothing," he muttered, in, Harry thought, a very un-Snape-like way. "Though I suppose you do have quite a bit to answer for; you are right in that respect. On the other hand, no one could begrudge you for doing away with the Dark Lord, no matter what else you have done."

"That makes me feel much better," replied Harry sarcastically.

"It will all turn out in the end, Potter, you will see."

"I hope so," whispered Harry. "I hope so."

oOoOo

"You can't be serious!" shouted Ron.

"Save it, Weasley," drawled Draco. "I've told you everything just as he told it to me, and I can assure you that it's quite true."

"It is," confirmed Katherine. "I've known for…quite some time now that he's a vampire."

"But why didn't he tell us?" whispered Hermione tearfully.

"He didn't want to tell anyone," said Draco, "but he really didn't have much of a choice when we found out."

"He really killed Dumbledore?" questioned Hermione, and Katherine nodded sadly.

"He had no choice, Hermione. It was Dumbledore's time. Do you remember when Dumbledore was sick earlier in the year?"

"Yes."

"He would have died then, if Harry hadn't saved him. And Harry hated what he had to do, he really did. He hasn't even forgiven himself for it and I doubt he's going to, so don't be too hard on him."

"But he killed Dumbledore," echoed Ron faintly.

"And thank Merlin you'll never have to do anything like that in your life Ronal Weasley," said Katherine, glaring at him.

"Blimey," muttered Ron. "You have no idea how much you look like him when you do that."

"My father, you mean?" asked Katherine.

"Urgh," assented Ron, before changing the topic. "How long have you known that we're…related?"

"Since Harry pulled me in here and told me," said Katherine. "I knew my mother was named Evelyn, but apart from that I had nothing else to go on. My father refused to speak of her."

"Bast- I mean…jeez…" murmured Ron. "I always wondered why my mum hated Snape so much. She never talked about it, but we all knew it must have been something bad, because she never held grudges…"

Hermione shot Ron a condescending look.

"Close your mouth now, Ron," she said coldly, and Ron closed it, abashed.

"Well, I guess…if you're family…and if Harry trusts you…then you can stay with us…"

"Of course you can stay with his family if you have to," stated Hermione assuredly. "Mrs Weasley would be thrilled to know she has a niece, I'm sure."

Ron nodded, and Hermione turned to him, grinning.

"Now, Ron, you have to be careful. Katherine is your cousin. You're not allowed to say things about her any more…"

Ron blushed deeply, remembering his words when he had first seen Katherine.

"But I didn't know she was my cousin then!" he exclaimed defensively. "And she looked different then, as well!"

Draco rolled backwards, laughing hard.

"Oh, Weasley! What a story!"

"One word, Malfoy!" warned Ron furiously. "I don't care what Harry thinks of you, I swear I'll-"

"You'll what?" mocked Draco. "Please, Weasley, you like me, I know you do! Just because my name's changed doesn't mean I have." He lowered his voice a little and looked at the ground. "And for what it's worth…you're not too bad yourself."

Hermione looked between the two with wide eyes. Ron stared stubbornly at Draco for a second, but then reached out his arm and clasped Draco's hand in a firm shake.

Hermione and Katherine smiled across their clasped hands.

For Harry, they thought. For Harry.

oOoOo

A/N: I'm so sorry I haven't updated for so long, but I've been so busy. Yr 12 is so hectic! Only one or two chapters to go…:) During the break from this story I wrote another one-shot called "Only a Fairytale" – read it! Thanks for those who have stuck with me for so long and review – Wujjawoo

Chapter 37: Of Feelings and Finality