Title: "Help Wanted"
By: Lexie
Summary: Xander needs a new secretary and Buffy just happens to be
available. Chaos ensues.
Disclaimer: I definitely don't own Buffy. If I did BX would have
happened long long ago and would probably be married by now and there
would have been at least two Xander's in every episode since there's
twins that I could use. Two Xander's is always a good in my book. But
anyways Fox, Mutant Enemy, UPN, and who ever else, owns everything
Buffy related. Not me no matter how much I wish for two Xander's.
Rating: PGish
Category: Humor/Romance

This fic is dedicated to Shawn and Brooke.

A/N: Line Break means changing of POVs and/or scene change.

"Help Wanted"

Next Day
7:00 AM

Xander stood at the bottom of the stairs and for the 27th time in the
last half hour he looks at his watch. This was not good. Today is
Buffy's very first day and she is late. Not only is she late but she
also making him late!

"Buffffy!" he yelled up the stairs "Hey! Could we hurry it up a bit,
up there!"

"Just a minute!" she called back in an innocent tone.

"Yeah that's what you said 15 minutes ago" he mumbled to himself.

"Almost ready!" she called again.

"And you said that 30 minutes ago"

What could be possibly taking so long? Who takes this much time to get
ready? And more importantly who was late on their first day? Okay,
well, he really couldn't say much because he had done that on one or
two occasions back in his career exploring days. But he never made
anyone else late.

Normally he would have left an hour ago, but now he had to stand here
and wait for Buffy. She wanted to ride together because she thought it
would be fun. So far he was not seeing the fun in causing his blood
pressure to go up.

Buffy finally appeared at the top of the stairs. She was wearing a
stylish blue knew length skirt and grey fleece button up with a white
halter top underneath. She decided to wear her hair down so that her
long blonde curls lay softly on her shoulders. To Xander she looked
like a perfect goddess ready to rule her world. Not someone who was
about to go to a hot sticky construction site to do errands for a
bunch of smelly men.

Xander threw his arms up in the air. "Finally! I was about to send a
search party for you."

She started descending down the stairs while putting on her earrings.
"Okay first of all who gets up at this un-godly hour?"

"People who want to receive this little thing called a pay check at
the end of the week."

Buffy just rolled her eyes and looked up at him once she was standing
right in front of him. "And secondly I think my alarm is broken so I
couldn't help that I got up late."

"Yeah I noticed that when I stepped on all the little clock piece on
the floor when I had to go into your room and drag you from the bed
this morning. I don't think there's any hope for it. You slayed it
good." Xander grabbed her arm and started pulling her towards the
door. "Now come on we gotta hurry we are late enough!"

10 minutes later
Future site of the Sunnydale Millennium Mall.

A cloud of dust swirled around the SUV as Xander made a screeching
halt in front of the site. "Welcome to the future site of the
Sunnydale Millennium Mall!" he said as he was trying to unbuckle his
seat belt.

Buffy sat there with one hand on the dash board in front of her and
her other hand plastered to the window beside her head. "Wow I'm just
happy we made it here" She exhaled deeply. "There were a couple of
times back there I was really beginning to wonder if we would!"

"Yeah well we made it here in record time. And we didn't get pulled
over or anything" he said as he was leaning into the back seat trying
to retrieve his brief case and some of his rolled up plans.

"Yes I'm sure the old lady on 5th avenue shares your enthusiasm after
you almost plowed her over." She watched him gather his stuff together
with out paying her any attention. "She had a walker and everything,"
she mumbled to herself.

Xander turned back towards the front seat with a bundle of plans in
one hand and his brief case in the other with a cheesy smile put in
place. "I would just like to be the first to say Johnston & Johnston
construction welcomes you with open arms!"

"Aw, Xand. Thanks, that's very swee…"

"Yes now get out and get moving! Because time is ticking away here!"
With that he jumped out of the car and slammed his door shut while
hurrying around the car.

"…sweet of you" She said to no one particular as she stared at his
once vacant side of the car. She turned back to her side and unbuckled
her self and stepped out of the car.

She took a moment to take in her surroundings. It was a very large
site. As far as she could see, she saw red dirt covering the expanse
of the ground. In the middle was a large concrete foundation. With
large concrete tunnels lying on there sides waiting to be put in
place. Over to her left she saw bulldozers pushing the red dirt to the
side. She could hear everyone busy at work.

Buffy was so mesmerized by the large facility she didn't notice that
Xander had already left her just standing by the car and was currently
speed walking towards the site.

"Oh!" Buffy had to almost jog to catch up to Xander who was now
rounding a row of trailers, porter potties, and smaller buildings that
looked like was where they stored some of the equipment. "Hey! Wait up
speedy consalus! I have no clue where I'm going here."

"Oh that's right. Well, allow me to show you around the place" Xander
said has he made no attempts to slow down his fast pace. "You are
currently looking at the construction of the brand new Sunnydale mall.
It will be the largest and most technologically advanced mall of all
on this side of California."

"Wow. Really?" Buffy asked amazed as she tried to step as lightly as
possible so she wouldn't get mud all over her brand new shoes. "How
large?"

"Really large." He explained. "It will have three levels. The first
level will have ice skating rings, a movie theater, gyms, a play
ground for kids, and a resting area for all the tired shoppers. The
second level will have every shop you could think of and then some.
The third level will be the food court area and also house several
fancy schmancy restaurants. From the third level you can take the walk
way and go over to the hotel that will be connected to the mall. It
will be a 5 star hotel that will have 15 stories over looking a small
park on the east side."

"Holy crap!"

"Yup, that's exactly what I say every day when I pull up and first see
this tremendous place" Xander smiled at her awed expression as she
took in the expanse of the site. "And you know what the craziest part is?"

"That they are only using one level for shops instead of taking up
vital space in the other two levels. Thus creating more room for even
more shops that I could shop at?"

Xander turned his head and slit his eyes at her and tried his best not
to smile. "Nooo, actually I was going to say that I was the head
foreman of this mega-mall. Meaning I am the "in charge" guy. Who would
have ever thought that Xander Harris, former Sunnydale flunkie, would
be in charge of a multi-million dollar project that is expected to put
Sunnydale back on the map?"

Buffy couldn't help but smile at his enthusiasm. Xander always had the
best look on his face when he talked shop. It was like all his
excitement bubbled to the surface and threatened to over flow. It
always made her wonder if this was what Xander looked like as a little
boy on Christmas morning.

"Ok so where will this ultra-cool head foreman guy and his ultra-hip
secretary be working at?"

Xander smiled back and tilted his head forward. "Over there"

Buffy looked around. They had already past all the other smaller
buildings that might hold offices. Now they were standing in an open
area that was covered by even redder mud if that was even possible. In
the corner was a small ugly trailer that looked like it was ready to
be considered condemned at any moment. That couldn't possibly be it,
she thought. She wouldn't feel safe standing next to it much less
working in it everyday.

"Where?" she said as she did a full circle while looking around.

"There." He pointed towards the trailer with his rolled up plans.

Buffy put her hand up to block the sun and tried to look around the
trailer. "You mean there are more buildings behind that scary looking
building?" she asked with a confused tone.

"No, I mean that scary looking building is our office".

"What!" Buffy whirled around and looked at him. She jacked her thumb
back and pointed over her shoulder. "That thing? But its scary looking
and…. it's a trailer!" Buffy slowly followed Xander but stopped right
in front of the rickety stairs as Xander climbed them. "It looks like
something even Dolly Parton would pass up on! Besides it looks really
un-safe."

"What this old thing?" Xander said nonchalantly while unlocking the
door and open it with a loud creak. "Naw they don't make them like
Old Besty anymore." To accentuate his point he patted the wall beside
the door and a piece of its siding fell off with a loud crash. "Oh
watch out for that there" he said as if nothing happened. Buffy took a
small step back.

Xander disappeared inside and Buffy was left to stand in front of the
stairs to stare at the trailers puke green walls. Cracks and holes
covered the trailer. There was only one window and it had an air
conditioner half sitting, half hanging out of it. The wheels and
concrete support blocks looked like they were put there back in the 50's.

"It looks like old Betsy's on her last leg and even it's about to give
away." She grumbled as she cautiously started up the wooden stairs.

Once inside a wave of a mixture of moth balls and old wood sent hit
her. The trailer wasn't very big. It had a small kitchen. An open part
in the middle where two desks sat facing each other and at the end a
small room that looked like held the filing cabinets and all the plans
in and one small bathroom in the very back. Did she ever mention to
Xander that she might be a little bit Closter phobic?

The walls were line with fake wood paneling and the floor was covered
with an ugly yellow shaggy carpet that looked like it hadn't been
vacuumed since the place was considered new. The only thing that could
fit in the kitchen area was a small refrigerator, some cabinets, and a
table, which set what she assumed, was the coffee maker.
"Well Buffy this is it" Xander said as he was busily looking through
files on his desk.

Buffy just stared at him from where she was still standing in the
middle. She was a little afraid to make any sudden movements for the
walls or floor might fall away.

"You mean your telling me you are building the most technological
advance mall just outside that door and this is where you run things
from? This is it? This death trap?"

Xander looked up from shoveling papers around. "Death Trap?
Nooo…Hell, maybe, but no death trap. Just give it time and it will
feel like home in no time!"

"Oh really? Is home supposed to smell like moth balls and rotting wood?"

"Here let me give you a tour and show you what all you will be doing."
He said ignoring her last comment with a smile. "This is our lovely
kitchen. It has three whole cabinets. If you want to, I'll share half
of my shelf with you so you can bring snacks. Best friends benefits
only." Xander said happily but Buffy didn't look impressed. So he
continued on. "And that is our fridge, its kinda small but its freezes
with the best of them. That room," he pointed to the small room ahead
of him "is where we keep some of the files and plans." He walked two
feet and turned back towards her. "That right there is your desk and
right across from it is my desk! So its like Me offica, Su offica!"

Buffy just raised one of her eyebrows at him. Was that suppose to be
Spanish?

"And back there is the bathroom. But the door doesn't lock and
sometime gets jammed so you gotta watch that. And that concludes our
tour. Any Questions?"

"Yeah, um, when do we get off again?"

"Moving right along then. This is your typewriter on your desk. You
will have to type a lot of plans up because our printer doesn't do
that on transfer paper."

Buffy just stayed planted in the middle of the room staring at her new
work place as Xander moved around the office.

"I know the place is kinda small and your desk isn't anything to get
excited about, but look at it this way, I am just right across from
you so if you have any questions you can just ask. Also, there's
always the bonus of never being lonely." Xander tried while giving
her two thumbs up.

Buffy just blankly stared back at him.

"Why don't you come sit down and try it out, while I put these plans
up?" Xander told her on his way to the filing room leaving Buffy to
her own thoughts.

Buffy slowly inched her way to the desk. It was the classic old
fashion iron desk that any other normal person wouldn't be able to
move with out throwing one's back out. The office chair was just a
plain kitchen table chair with an old cushion on the seat that had
cotton coming out at the seams. Buffy slowly sat on the edge of the
chair and kept her arms to herself being careful not to touch
anything. Almost as if by touching something she would contract some
kind of disease.

She leaned in closer to get a better look at the top of the desk.
There was a typewriter on one side and some machine resembling a
computer on the other. The computer, like everything else in her new
hellhole, looked older than her. She was pretty sure this was the
"original" computer.

There was a stack of folders and papers strewn all about on top of the
desk. Great, not only is it a small space, but it's a cluttered up
small space! Buffy thought to herself.

Buffy turned to look at the window behind her. On the bottom half of
the window sat an old dusty air conditioner box that was missing some
knobs and was leaning more towards its left side. It looked like it
was going to fall out of the window any minute now. The rest of the
window was boarded up with plywood blocking out any kind of view of
the outside world.

"Buffy, I hate to run out on you so early on your first morning here,
but I really have to go show these revised plans to some of my men
before they start screwing up more stuff."

Buffy watched Xander gather up different rolled up papers on his desk
across from her. From the looks of it Xander had the much better desk.
It was a new mahogany desk. And behind it sat what only could be
described as a captain's chair. An office chair to over shadow all
other office chairs. It had the big cushion-y seats and the large arm
rests. Covered in black shiny leather. It even looked like it had a
massager built into it and leaned back in a reclined position. What
was so special about him that he got to sit on the nice side?

"You're leaving already? Leaving me? Alone!" Buffy asked as she shot
up panicked and fallowed him towards the door.

"Don't worry I will be back as soon as possible" He said as he was
opening the door getting ready to step out, but Buffy stopped him by
grabbing his arm and looking at him pleadingly.

"But I don't know what to do. I don't know where anything is and the
only person I do know is you and your leaving!"

"Buff, I'm not going off the site I'm just going to section 14B to
show the boys that the piping has to be rerouted in the ground works
because the people up stairs are telling me that the zoning…."

"Xander, I lost you after you said Buff."

"Oh Sorry. Well don't worry like I said before, I'll be back as soon
as possible. Until then why don't you get acquainted with the place
and make yourself feel at home. Maybe organize your new desk the way
you want it. Oh and make us some coffee because its probably going to
be a long day."

"Organize and Coffee?" Buffy asked skeptically.

"Yup!" Xander yelled back finally stepping out.

"That's all you want me to do for right now?" Buffy asked again.

"Yup, I'll probably be back before you even get through!" Xander said
cheerfully as he was closing the trailer door behind him leaving Buffy
with her thoughts once more.

"Organize and Coffee." Buffy thought out loud. "Hmmph, how hard could
that be?"

Okay so who knew coffee could be so complicated? How could anyone work
with an evil coffee maker that was from ancient times? It wasn't her
fault she couldn't get it to work properly. And besides how can one
figure a coffee maker out if they are to busy choking on all the smoke
that it had created? She was only doing the world a favor by
accidentally slaying it.

Buffy stood in the middle of the two desks facing each other sipping
on her mocha from Starbucks. She looked down at her knee and examined
the bluish purple bruise that was forming on her leg. She wondered if
it would look bad to file an accident form on the first day?

The bruise was another event that was not her fault. She was just
trying to organize her mess of a desk and decided to see what was in
the drawers. Apparently the drawers were stuck and so she gave it a
little extra slayer oomph to pry it open. That's all it needed. It
came flying out with such force that it came completely out of the
desk and slammed into the back wall behind her. Her knee just happened
to get in the way of its flight. Iron desk drawers slamming into your
leg was never a good feeling.

After hobbling around and using a few choice words to describe her new
lovely office, she sat back down to cool off. She turned around to
turn on the AC on, trying get some airflow going. She should have
known that that would be a mistake.

After she turned the only knob left to turn the unit on, nothing
happened. At first she didn't think it worked at all. But then it
started making this low rumbling noise that kinda sounded like an old
B52 plane warming up to take off. Then the thing started shaking all
over and the rumbling noise got louder. Buffy wasn't sure if it was
going to blow out air or take flight. Then it shook even harder and
the last knob fell completely off. Buffy looked down at the knob and
picked it up to exam it. She knew this couldn't be good. She noticed
the sound of the unit was only getting louder and with the knob in her
hand she knew she couldn't turn it off. Buffy tilted her head at the
offending noise and looked closely at the unit. It sounded like it was
building up getting ready too…

"Oh crap!" Before Buffy could jump up out of the way the unit went
Poof! And sticky black stuff exploded in her face. Buffy yelped as she
jumped up out of the chair.

So far, the first morning of her exciting new summer job was a pain
and annoyance and it was only 10 o'clock. She still had the rest of
the day left. As she sat down at Xander's desk, Buffy felt of her hair
again trying see if it had any more funky black stuff in it. She had
good reasons to be in Xander's desk. Evil coffee makers, clunky old
desks, and loud smelly air conditioners were going to drive her crazy!
She's been to crazy-ville and she wasn't planning on making any more
stops there anytime soon!

Buffy looked up as Xander opened the office door and stepped in.

"See Buff that didn't take…." cough cough "Oh god what happened?"
Xander squeaked out as he choked on the remaining smoke left in the room.

Buffy just stared at him from her new position in Xander's desk.

"Is something burning!" Xander asked as he covered his mouth and nose
with his arm and quickly did a spin around looking for the source of
all the smoke.

"Yeah the coffee maker." Buffy said nonchalantly and pointed towards
the still smoking machine.

Xander turned around and looked at it with an astonished expression.

"How? What? How?"

"Well I did as you asked and tried to make coffee." Buffy paused not
sure what else to say that wouldn't cause a bad reaction for almost
burning his office down.

"And!"

"And… here's you a starbucks coffee?" Buffy asked meekly.

"At what point did it go from making coffee to black smoke stains on
the ceiling?"
Xander asked credulously while looking up at the ceiling.

"At about the point where it started sparking and smoking profusely. I
don't know what happened! I just plugged it in and heard a loud pop."

"Did you check to see if it was turned off before you plugged it in?"

Buffy furrowed her brow and then looked up at Xander innocently. "How
was I supposed to know it was going to do all that? I mean the thing
looks like it's older than Giles!"

"Its been here since I was hired" Xander said an almost wistful tone
while looking at the blackened coffee maker.

"Well it went down in a blaze of glory…and a few small flames." Buffy
stated simply.

Xander turned back around and noticed that Buffy's desk, which she
wasn't sitting in, was even more cluttered up than when he last left
it. It had one of its drawers lying on top of it and what looked to be
like a lot of his files and office supplies that use to be in the top
drawer of his desk.

Xander pointed towards the desk and asked. "What's all this?"

"Well you know how you said I should make myself feel at home?"

"Yeaaah…" Xander said almost afraid to hear what she was about to say
next.

"Well I did. Home is definitely on this side of the room."

Xander did not like her chipper tone one bit.

"Oh no no no. That's my desk and my side of the room." Jacking his
finger over his shoulder pointing to her old side of the room. " And
that." Xander stated firmly. "Is the secretary's desk. Where the
secretary" He pointed back towards Buffy "should sit."

Buffy looked down and then back up at Xander and did her best hurt
look she could come up with. She knew Xander's weaknesses. "But the
air conditioner spits black stuff at me and makes weird noises. How am
I suppose to hear the phones over all that?"

"Edna never complained about the air-conditioner!"

"That's probably because old Edna just couldn't hear at all."

"So I'm suppose to give up my new desk, because you don't like the
atmosphere on one side of the room? That's ridiculous!" Xander
exclaimed with his arms crossed over his chest not budging.

"And look the desk hurt me." Buffy pouted and said in an innocent tone
as she showed him her bruised knee.

Xander bent slightly to look at her knee. He could see the nasty
looking bruise on her leg. It must have hurt if it caused a bruise on
the slayer. He looked back up at Buffy who was still giving him a
pouty look.

He dropped his arms and turned around heading towards his new desk
grumbling something about hiring best friends as secretaries.

Buffy's face lit up once she knew she was getting the new desk on the
nice side of the room. She felt a little bad about outing Xander from
his own desk; after all he was doing her a favor by hiring her.

"Did you know there was a starbucks right down on the corner?" Buffy
said happily as she reached for his coffee on the desk. "Look Xand, I
got you you're favorite when I went. One Caramel Mocha Espresso with
an extra pump of Caramel. I'm the only other person who knows you like
that extra pump." Buffy gave him a half smile while handing him the
coffee.

Xander just reached over and took the coffee from her. He didn't want
to say something that he might regret later. Besides he was still
trying to get use to his new desk. Who can work sitting in a stiff
kitchen chair?

After sipping on his coffee for a few moments he decided to try making
the best of it. He tried to put the drawer on top of his desk back
into place, but being it was so heavy and with the dent that Buffy
somehow put in it, it made difficult to be put back in place. He tried
easing it in there but it kept falling out. So he tried with a little
more force. It still wouldn't budge.

"You want me to give it a try?" Buffy asked as she looked on from her
new position behind her new desk.

"No!" Xander huffed out. "I'm good. You just stay right where you are
and don't move."

"Are you sure cause you know lifting heavy stuff is my forte."

"Yup I'm sure." Xander grunted as he pushed with all his might on the
aggravating drawer. Honestly, he was just a little worried about what
else Buffy might damage by coming over and helping, but he wasn't
about to tell her that.

He tried one more time by taking the drawer and slamming it back in.
Finally with a loud screech the bent drawer slammed shut so hard that
the desk moved a couple inches back. "There" Xander huffed out while
sitting back up trying to catch his breath.

He tried wiggling the drawer to see if it would open up again. But no
such luck. It was stuck again.

"I hope there wasn't anything important in there" Buffy said simply.
Still looking on while sipping on her coffee.

"Yes, lets hope not. Why don't we move on to what you will be doing
everyday as my secretary…"

"About this secretary business." Buffy interrupted him. "What are we
stuck in the 50's? It sounds old fashion and sexist. You shouldn't
call me your secretary, because I don't like it and it makes me look bad."

"Well what in the world do you want me to call you?" Xander asked
astonished.

"What about something like…. your personal assistant! I can be like
the head of personal assisting." Buffy said proudly.

"Head of personal assisting?" Xander asked amused. "What were you at
the Double Meat Palace? Head of the deep fryer?" Xander laughed out
loud but quickly covered it with a cough when he noticed Buffy's hurt
look.

Ahem "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. It came out all wrong." Buffy
was still giving him a hurt look and he couldn't stand it. "You know
how my foot likes to live in my mouth."

"I wasn't just on the deep fryer…. I sometimes manned the cashiers
machine." Buffy said still pouting. "Besides I thought we agreed to
never mention that part of my life ever again."

"Yeah I know. I'm sorry, I forgot! But, hey, look I do like this
coffee you got me. Its yummy and you're right, you know what I like
best!" Xander smiled and tried to cheer her up by sipping on it. "Mmmm"

"It is good coffee" Buffy stated meekly, slowly getting over Xander's
last shot at her.

"Umm hmm" Xander hummed as he gathered his files and started putting
them in place on his desk. He noticed something under one of the files
and picked up to look at it. "Is this some kind of air-conditioning
knob?"

Buffy looked up suddenly and started sputtering. "Uh…yeah…Um…You
see….It wasn't my fault…."