Title: "Help Wanted"
By: Lexie
Summary: Xander needs a new secretary and Buffy just happens to be
available. Chaos ensues.
Disclaimer: I definitely don't own Buffy. If I did BX would have
happened long long ago and would probably be married by now and there
would have been at least two Xander's in every episode since there's
twins that I could use. Two Xander's is always a good in my book. But
anyways Fox, Mutant Enemy, UPN, and who ever else, owns everything
Buffy related. Not me no matter how much I wish for two Xander's.
Rating: PGish
Category: Humor/Romance

This fic is dedicated to Shawn and Brooke.

A/N: Line break means changing POVs and/or scenes changing.

"Help Wanted"

A few weeks later.

Xander unlocked the front door and was about to step
in, but Buffy shoved past him before he could even take
the step in.

"Move it slow poke Oprah's on!" she blurted as she
hastily went by. Xander just sighed and decided to
just concentrate on being happy on finally being home.
It always amazed him how Buffy could be so perky and
full of energy after an exhausting day at work. Then
he would remember her superhero powers that gave her
the ability to lift an iron office desk over her head
and never once become fatigued from it. He knew because
he had seen her do it when she got bored at work one
day and decided to play "Let's see what Buffy can
lift" as she cheerily explained it to him. That one
was hard to explain to some of his men who happened to
walk in on her heavy lifting that day. Of course, then
he would remember the reason why he always came home
dead tired. He was too busy doing his job and Buffy's
job to play games of testing the slayer's abilities in
an office environment.

Xander threw his keys on the table beside the front
door and took his coat off as he stepped into the
living room to see what Buffy and Dawn were doing now.
They were both heavily engrossed into Oprah, who was
giving some tearful speech on TV. Dawn was sitting in
the recliner and looked on the verge of tears herself.
Buffy was sitting Indian style in the middle of the
couch trying to catch up on what she had missed so far
of the show.

As he sat down beside Buffy on the couch he thought
about how much he loathed Oprah. Because of this woman
and her show, Buffy would rush him to finish up his
work and then persisted to badger him to hurry up all
the way home because her show was on. Not only was
it bad enough that Buffy was obsessed with the show,
but Dawn was right there with her sister in their
annoying love for the rich woman's gab fest.

"Oh, is this the one where they show the life
struggles of little people?" Buffy asked Dawn while
excitedly pointing towards the TV screen.

"Nope, it's the follow-up to that one," Dawn sniffled
out.

"Ohhh a follow-up!" Buffy gasped out in awe.

Xander just looked between the two teary eyed girls
and rolled his eyes. Why couldn't Buffy be this
inspired to do actual work at work? It had only been a
couple of weeks since he hired Buffy on, but already
she had turned his office into chaos.

So far she had jammed the copier machine so badly that
they had to call in a repair man, destroyed two coffee
makers, re-filed all of his important files so well he
still couldn't find most of them, and couldn't type to
save her life. This was the girl who had averted
several apocalypses and yet if the world depended on
her slow chicken-pecking typing skills then the world
would surely be going to hell in flames.

At that moment he heard his stomach growl and it
reminded him how hungry he was.
"Who wants Chinese food?" Xander announced to both
girls who seemed to be entranced by the TV screen.

"Shhhhhh! TV Talking. Not now," Buffy said, trying to
shoo his questioning away with her hand with out even
looking away from the TV set.

Oh how Xander hated Oprah with a firey passion. "Fine!
Chinese it is!" Xander huffed out as he jumped up to
get the phone to call China-Town, who had the best
Chinese food in town and who delivered it under forty-five
minutes or it was free.

"Stupid zombie creating talk show host," he mumbled under his breath
on his way out of the room. If he wasn't so starved and
verging on the edge of food malnourishment he might
have a little patience for the two zombie like girls.
However, today he skipped lunch because he was to busy
trying to save a supply order form from one of the
many typing disasters that Buffy had made in her time
as his secretary or in fancier Buffy-terminology "Head
of personal assisting." As he dialed the number to the
restaurant, he thought back to the typing fiasco of
earlier that day.

Flashback to earlier that day.

"Okay Buffy, here's a really simple project for you,"
Xander announced as he led Buffy to the typewriter on
his desk.

"Are you trying to say I'm not qualified for harder
projects? Are you trying to tell me something about my
intelligence?" Buffy asked in an accusatory tone.

Xander's eyes widen. He could see where this topic was
going and it would lead no where but him getting himself
into trouble and having to buy her something to make
up for it. "No, no, no. Of course not. You know you're
my favorite slayer-slash-secretary…. I mean personal
assistant!" he corrected quickly. "I just thought you
might like a break from looking at all those magazines
of yours."

"Well one of those magazines was a beanie baby
magazine which I got out of your room, so technically I
guess that would make it your magazine," she added
innocently, but had a hint of a devilish smile on her
face.

"Oh... and, Um, I think Andrew left that last time he
visited. I don't know how it got into my room! But
lets focus on the task at hand for the moment," Xander
stated quickly as he tried to recover from the
embarrassing magazine subject. "All you have to do is
type up a simple supply form. I've already done the
hardest part for you and that was looking up all the
supply codes for the products we are going to buy. All
you have to do is type the product name where it says
"type product here" and the product number code under
its place. Then type how much the product will cost
and add up the sum at the end. Sound good?"

"Yeah sure," Buffy shrugged as if there was nothing to
it and took the forms from his hands.

"Okay, so let me show you how to set the tabs. It can
be kinda tricky sometimes when you…."

"Xand, I got it. You said it yourself a simple
project." Off his look of worry Buffy added, "A
trained monkey could do this."

With that Buffy sat down and started placing the first
form into the typewriter getting ready to get started.
Xander thought about some of Buffy other projects that
had gone terribly wrong. Maybe hiring a trained monkey
would have been better, he considered. As he watched
Buffy looking on each side of the typewriter and then
lifting it up with a confused expression, he knew a
trained monkey wouldn't be nearly as amusing as Buffy
was. Plus, she was a lot cuter.

Finally Buffy looked up with an innocent expression on
her face. "So where's the 'On' button again?

Two hours later.

Xander sat in front of the typewriter trying do
decipher if the word on the form was suppose to be
"Pipe Primer" or some form of alien jargon from the
looks of it. He really wasn't sure what it was because
all of the smeared white out on it made it hard to
tell. He was pretty sure though that Pipe Primer
didn't have the letters z' g' or the number 7 in it.

How could one girl mess up so badly on a simple task
like this? He should have known to worry more when
Buffy asked him where the backspace button was on the
typewriter. That should have sounded the warning bells
off in his head. But nooo, he was to worried with
going over the plans he stayed up all night drawing the
night before. He would have done it yesterday at work
but then he was to busy trying to show Buffy how to
work the copying machine and then too busy trying to
explain to the copying machine repair man how a whole
side of the copier just fell off! It really was
amazing how easily those things could be ripped off;
of course this was a frustrated slayer doing the
ripping, but still cool non-the-less to see done. And
it was funny watching Buffy trying to fix it herself
while failing miserably. Her expression when she turned
around to try and explain what happened to him was a
classic Buffy "uh oh" face. To bad that face didn't
work on the repairman or the people at the Johnston
and Johnston head office when he called to tell them
to order a new copying machine.

The head office was one place he hated calling. It
reminded him how much stress he was under because this
project. Sure he had been in charge of lots of
projects over his fast rising career in construction.
But this one was not only a really important and huge
project of Johnston and Johnston Co. to have, but it
was also the biggest thing Sunnydale had seen since
Sunnydale High had been re-built. This new mall was
very important to the business commerce of Sunnydale
and was not to be taken lightly. However, what really
stressed him out were the higher ups in J&J that were
constantly breathing down his neck about every little
thing about this project. Things like designs,
inventory, progress reports, employer fulfillment,
equipment performance, and the most dreaded and most
hated, deadlines. All that was stressful enough for
simple projects in the past, but add that and having
the president of J&J, Mr. Allen Johnston himself,
doing surprise drop bys to see how things were going
made things ten times more stressful. Allen Johnston
was one of those head honcho's that you only saw when
you went to those yearly corporate meetings and that's
it. Xander had only met him once or twice and even
then the guy had made him nervous by just being in
the same room with him. But since landing the
multi-million dollar deal, Mr. Johnston had made it
his personal business to oversee the construction of
the important development. Xander was pretty sure he
could name his newly forming ulcer "Sunnydale
Millennium Mall."

"Or maybe I should name it Buffy Summers," he poindered to
himself as he squinted at the messy form.

Xander loosened his tie one more notch as he turned
the AC on full blast. He wasn't really sure if the old
contraption produced more air or rather just made
louder noises to make it sound like it was. However,
anything to make him think he was alleviating the
suffocating heat of the California summer was a
Godsend to Xander. To bad it was so loud he couldn't
even hear himself think.

He felt his stomach rumble and thought about how he
was left here in the hot sticky trailer to try and
save the supply form all alone. Buffy was off enjoying
lunch. She had offered to stay and try to help, but
Xander thought he would be more productive by himself.
But now he wasn't so sure that was such a good idea.

"What is PBS Pipe?" he asked out loud to no one in
particular. Before he could figure out the wonder of
Buffy's mess-ups some of the men of the construction
site strolled into the office. They started saying
something to him, but all Xander could hear was muffled
voices. Xander held up a hand to silence them as he
turned around and hit the AC with his other hand and
the offending noise died down.

"Now try again," Xander told them from his position
behind the type writer.

"So Harris, how did you land such a hot babe as a
secretary?" Barney asked in a typical male chauvinist
tone. Barney was one of those typical hunky
construction guys that you always saw on TV calling
out catcalls to anything walking by in a skirt. He may
have been a bit of a womanizer, but he was a damn good
weilder and that's all that mattered to Xander.

Some of the other men nodded and muttered something
about her legs and boobs. Xander tried to ignore those
parts.

"Well, her name is Buffy. And she is only here for the
summer. After that I will find a permanent replacement
for Edna."

"Whatever man. All I know is she is waaaay easier on
the eyes than your last secretary." Another
construction worker announced. Xander didn't know his
name but made himself a mental note to find out later.

"I know what else she will be easier on," Barney
arrogantly declared as the other men chuckled at his
barb. Xander gritted his teeth.

Xander looked to Jack who was an older guy in his 40s
and one of his best men on the site. He could trust
Jack. He was a hard worker and one who always got the
job done. Plus, he had a wife. "Yeah… what were you
guys in here for again?"

Before he could answer Barney butted in. "So tell us
Harris, have you bagged the secretary yet?"

Xander huffed and glared at the large burly man in
front of him. "Excuse me?"

"Oh you know, has she performed all her secretary
duties?" He sneered implying secretary duties as
something else that had nothing do with office work.
"Maybe performed some of those duties on that desk
over there…."

"Buffy is here as a favor to me until I can find a
replacement for Edna. She's just a friend. A close
friend." Xander made sure he made that last point a
strong one. He didn't want the other men on the
construction site to get some weird kinky ideas about
Buffy as his secretary. But with Barney leading the
pack he was sure it was too late. That's why he wanted
to emphasize the "close" friends part. He also didn't
want some sleazy muscle head sexually harassing Buffy.
She didn't need that. It was one thing for Xander to
tease her every once in a while to make her blush. It
was another thing to have other strange men doing it
to make Xander himself blush.

"How is section 17 coming along?" Xander questioned, trying
desperately to change the subject.

"Its almost done. We actually came in here to get…"
Jack had taken Xander's hint of a change in subject
and was trying to comply when Barney butted in once
again.

"So if she's your secretary than why are you behind
the type writer?"

Xander looked down at the supply form and looked back
up at the group of men who were awaiting his
explanation for why he was playing secretary. Great,
that's all he needed was his men to question his
authority. "Well I just decided to type this supply
form up so I could get it off in the mail ASAP. You
know how I like to make sure things get done right
around here."

"Mmmhmmm, so is that why you make the coffee in the
mornings?" Barney challenged.

Xander nervously laughed. "I don't make the coffee
every morning." They didn't have to know about the
small fires Buffy had started when she tried. "I just
try to get the morning off sooner sometimes by making
the coffee or by going out and getting coffee. You
know you can't beat Starbucks coffee."

Barney looked like he was about to say something else
condescending, but halted when Buffy threw open the
door and stepped in.

"Xander, I brought you back a jello instead of yogurt
because I know what happens with your tummy when…."
Buffy paused at the crowd of men in the small trailer.
"Oh hello. I didn't realize we had company."

All the men just stood and stared with their mouths
slightly ajar. Buffy just smiled and flipped her hair
back.

Great just great, Xander thought as he watched the
interaction. Just when he thought things couldn't get
any worse.

End of Flashback.

Buffy and Dawn walked into the kitchen sniffling and
drying up tears with their tissues.

"Was that not sweet how Billy asked Wendy to marry
him?" Dawn sniffled out to Buffy.

Xander was now in the kitchen getting out the plates
so he could eat. The chineese food had arrived and was
waiting on the table for him to devour. All he wanted
to do was eat in peace

"Yeah, I know. That was the sweetest wedding ever.
They're very lucky people to have Oprah do all that for
them." Buffy pouted as she threw her old tissue away
in the garbage.

The more Xander thought about work, or more
importantly Buffy at work, the more his blood boiled.
He shouldn't be the secretary. He was the boss. He had
respect and authority over his men before she came
along.

But now all he heard was her orders. Hey, Xander make
some coffee. Hey, Xander go get this. Hey, Xander
trade desks with me. Hey, Xander fix the computer.
Hey, Xander do all the office work while I sit and
file my nails! Okay, so she didn't say the last one
but she should cause that's what she does!

"Hey, Xander don't forget to take out the trash
tonight," Buffy simply ordered.

"Stop ordering me around!" Xander unexpectedly
shouted. Maybe he shouldn't have yelled that.

Buffy just held her hands up in surrender pose.
"Sor-ry! I was just simply reminding you of your
chore. You're the one that wanted to have that chore
because you said it didn't involve commode cleaning
brushes."

"Oh yeah. Well I'll take the trash out when I'm good
and ready!" Oh no, she wasn't going to turn this
around on him and make him look bad.

"What are you PMSing?" Buffy asked as she crossed her
arms.

Dawn giggled at her sister's PMS call. Xander suddenly
turned towards the younger Summers and she quickly
shut up. Xander looked like fumes were about to come
out of his ears and Buffy was in her crossed arms
slayer pose. Well this should be interesting, Dawn
thought as she sat down on a stool behind the counter.

"Ha! Me PMSing? Me?" Xander laughed bitterly. "Who can
tell who's PMSing when all you hear is you bossing
everyone around!"

"Fine! I'll take out the trash tonight! Don't have a
hissy fit over it."

"Yeah Buff, why don't you do that. Because lifting
heavy things is your forte isn't it?" Xander taunted
sneerly.

Oh that was it. Buffy was fuming now. "What was that
suppose to mean?" she asked him in a not so nice
tone.

"Oh, I don't know Buffy. Is making coffee your forte?
Hmm? Or making copies? Or maybe typing!"

"Okay so maybe I'm not going to win any secretary of
the month awards any time soon. But its not because I
don't try! Maybe just maybe it has something to do
with the person supervising? Ever think of that, Xand?"

Dawn sat there and watched as she started helping
herself to some of the Chinese food in front of her.
Who knew she would get dinner and a show tonight?

"Hey Xand, you can't say I didn't try to warn you
about technologically confused Buffy!" Dawn chimed in
while trying to hold back her laughter.

"Hey!" Buffy exclaimed. "Who brings home the bread in
this house? I don't see you doing it!"

Dawn looked at her as she was putting an egg roll on
her plate. "What you mean this Chinese food? You
didn't bring this home. Xander did." Dawn fired back.
She knew she had her sister then.

Buffy glared at her little sister. "Don't make me cook
again!"

Dawn's smile dropped and she turned to Xander. "Sorry,
Xand you're on your own now!" With that Dawn got up
and took her plate of food to the living room.

"Don't use your cooking against poor little Dawnie!"

"Poor little Dawnie can save herself next time some
Hell-God wants to use the key to bring hell on earth!"
Buffy shouted loud enough for Dawn to hear. She knew
her little sister wouldn't take it seriously, because
she really didn't mean it. But she had to have
something it wasn't fair them to double-team her. She
was the slayer damn it!

"Yes, because you'll probably be to busy slaying coffee
and copying machines!" Xander smiled in her face when
she turned back towards him. She cocked her head to
the side and walked to the opposite side of the
counter that Xander was on and stood right in front of
him. The only thing separating them was the counter
top.

"Aw, Xander. What are you jealous?" She stuck her lip
out to mock him more.

"Jealous? Of what? Buff, I know how to type," Xander
sneered as he put his hands on the counter and lent
forward putting himself even closer to Buffy.

"Not that!" Buffy snapped. "Of all the boys at work, I
may not be secretary of the month by your standards
but I bet I am by theirs," Buffy fired back almost
innocently and yet so dangerously. She knew that it
would get to him. She also leaned forward on the
counter top and was face to face with Xander.

"Oh yeah, I'm sure you'll just dazzle them with all of
your secretary skills to bad most of the have pulses."
Xander accused in a low tone.

Buffy and Xander were having an intense stare down. It
was just a matter of who would look away first? They
were only inches away from each other.

Buffy felt a blush creep up her neck and she wondered
when did it get so hot in the kitchen. Xander was
driving her crazy and she didn't know rather if she
wanted to scream at him more or…

Xander couldn't move. He couldn't think. He was inches
away from Buffy's face and couldn't for the life of
him look away. He could feel her breath on his face.
Was she breathing as hard as he was? Did he want to
yell at her more or…

Buffy and Xander both suddenly pulled away. Buffy
turned around and Xander stepped backwards.

"Yeah, well, since you're so good at typing why don't you
do it all on your own from now on!" Buffy yelled as
she stomped out of the kitchen. She had to get out of
there. It was way to hot and she wasn't sure what was
happening. She couldn't think clearly anymore and
couldn't control the argument. She didn't like that
one bit. She was flustered as she heavily stomped up
the stairs to her room.

"Yeah, well, I do that now, cause news flash its PVC
Pipe not PBS Pipe! We work for a construction site
not a television site!" He wasn't sure if Buffy heard
the second part because he heard her door slam
somewhere in the middle. He wasn't even sure what he
had said himself. He still wasn't thinking clearly.
Xander didn't know what to do now. So he grabbed the
garbage up and went out back slamming the door along
the way.

Both Xander and Buffy stood alone on each side of
their doors and thought What just happened?