A big thanks to Nala23 for her multipue reviews – its readers like you who really keep me motivated!
And another big thanks to Becca for all her help with this story! You've been wonderful!
Chapter SixTap. Tap. Tap.
Startled, John jolted awake to find Natalie tapping on the passenger side door. Leaning over the seat, John manually unlocked the door and opened it for her.
"You were sleeping?" Natalie asked as she climbed in to the passenger seat, carefully balancing a steaming mug of coffee and some blankets. "Good job protecting me."
Ignoring her sarcasm John looked over at her. "What are you doing out here?"
Natalie passed him the coffee and thrust the blankets at him. "I don't feel like waking up and dealing with a frozen carcass. Here."
John wrapped himself up in the blankets and held the hot mug in between his hands desperately trying to warm up. "Thanks."
Natalie continued to sit in silence for a few minutes staring straight ahead, something obviously on her mind. But John didn't push her, experience having taught him she didn't respond well to being questioned.
Finally she spoke. "Am I in danger?" She asked nervously, traces of fear evident in her voice.
John hesitated, unsure how to answer. Finally he decided to go with honesty, having learned his lesson in terms of trying to protect Natalie. "I don't know." He paused for a moment unsure how to proceed. "But I do know I won't let anything happen to you."
"Why are you doing this?" she spoke softly, still unable to meet his eyes.
Unsure of how she meant the question, John answered the best he could, "Natalie… you know why." Taking a deep breath John continued knowing he was stepping on shaky ground. "Can we please talk about what happened?"
Natalie shook her head furiously. "I can't do this." Instantly, she was out of the car and heading back toward the house.
"Damn it." John muttered under his breath, hating how horrible everything had turned out. Taking a sip of the coffee Natalie had brought him, John let his mind wander back to when everything had been ruined.
Flashback
John had just stepped out of the shower when he heard the front door to his apartment slam shut.
'Natalie…' John thought smiling as he quickly wrapped a towel around himself and made his way toward the main room.
John and Natalie had been together for three months now, ever since the night they had run in to each other on the roof of the hotel, and things were going great. The relationship came naturally; likely due to the many years both Natalie and John had spent wanting something to happen. John had even given Natalie a key, this time giving it out on a permanent basis, a large step for John.
No one in Llanview had been surprised when they started dating, most just flashed him or her a knowing smile and congratulated them, but there were others such as Rex who continuously commented on the amount of time it had taken them to reach this point. Even Evangeline – who was now seeing Kevin - had wished them well.
As he entered the room, he found Natalie sitting motionless on the edge of his bed. Before John could even manage to get a greeting out, she was on her feet flying at him.
"Tell me this is a lie John, some sort of sick joke," she yelled waving leather bound journal, which had been hidden from view. "Tell me that you have no idea what they are talking about. Tell me that, that man was an imposter and not my husband." Tears were now pouring down Natalie's face as she found herself on the verge of becoming hysterical. "Tell me that the man who was killed in jail wasn't my husband, and that I didn't give up my last chance at happiness."
John stared at her motionless, unable to speak knowing that nothing he said could make it any better. But for Natalie, the silence was all she needed.
Wham.
John staggered backwards, her punch having come out of nowhere. "I hate you." Natalie screamed as she moved toward him, getting ready to strike at him again.
Straightening himself up, John turned to look at Natalie, his eyes full of regret. "Natalie I…"
"How could you?" Her eyes were full of fury, hysteria replacing her earlier rage. "How could you put me through this? Because of you I had to mourn my husband all over again. I beat myself up over allowing what I thought to be an imposter in my bed." Natalie paused trying unsuccessfully to control herself. "You saw how devastated I was, yet you let me continue to be consumed with grief, and self-hatred. How could you do that to me?"
John began to speak slowly, unsure of how to explain. "He begged me to keep it a secret. He wanted you to move on with your life."
Natalie spun around to face him. "So that's Cristian's excuse, now where's yours? What was it John, the guilt you felt over Las Vegas? Did you feel you still owed him in some way? Or was it the fact it gave you the ability to lead me on a little more? You know, get my husband out of the way, then pull me around so that when things with Evangeline didn't work out you still got to have poor, lonely Natalie around for a good fuck."
"That's not fair Natalie,"
"Really? I think it's perfectly accurate John. All you have ever done is lead me on. 'I'll always be here for you,' 'You can count on me,' and all the other lines you have used over the past few years."
"It wasn't about sex Natalie, You know that…"
"Oh so then it was guilt?" She interrupted. "By keeping his secret you make everything up to him. Well what about me John? What about our supposed friendship? Our new relationship? I guess that was out of guilt too… and by allowing my husband to rot in jail like he wanted, you were able to get his wife in bed." Natalie took a deep breath, tears still streaming down her cheeks. "Tell me John, do you even love me?"
John looked at her pained. "Natalie, you know I do."
"Then how could you do this to me?" She yelled spinning around and walking toward his desk. "People who love each other don't keep secrets like this. I gave you my body, heart and soul, and this is what you do?"
"Natalie, I…"
"I don't want to hear your excuses," she shouted grabbing the empty coffee mug that sat perched on his desk, and hurling it at his head. John managed to duck, and the ceramic mug hit the wall shattering into pieces. "I am sick of your excuses. When you felt responsible for Cristian's death in Vegas, I did everything in my power to forgive you for your involvement and even went as far as reassuring you that you weren't to blame." Natalie paused, and stared at him, her eyes cold. "This time, you are to blame. Because of you an innocent man died in prison. Because of you, I lost my husband AGAIN. Because of you, I have to grieve for the third time. There will be no reassurances or forgiveness this time, because you are to blame."
"Natalie," John tried once again, coming toward her and gently grabbing her arm.
"Don't touch me." She hollered tearing herself from his grasp and throwing the door open. Instinctively John started to follow her, but realizing he was still clad only in a towel stopped and quickly pulled on a pair of jeans.
"Natalie wait." He yelled, rushing from the room and taking the stairs two at a time. Reaching the first floor, John noticed Natalie had stopped and was leaning against the wall, doubled over with her face twisted in pain.
Alarmed, John rushed to her side. "Are you okay?"
"Stay away from me." She cried once again, suddenly clutching her stomach.
"What the hell is going on here?" Hearing Rex's voice, John turned toward the hotel entrance where the younger man stood, just having entered the hotel.
Once John moved Rex was able to see Natalie who now was all but laying on the ground, sobbing. "Natty," Rex called pushing past John and getting to his sister's side. "What happened?" He asked, briefly turning his attention to John.
"Keep him away from me." Natalie yelled. Rex leaned down and scooped Natalie up in to his arms. Starting to move back toward the entrance.
"Where are you taking her?" John asked following Rex outside the hotel. Rex ignored John and gently helped a sobbing Natalie get in to the passenger side of his car. "Rex," John grabbed the other mans arm, forcing him to look in his eyes.
"Listen McBain, I don't know what the hell happened with you and my sister. All I know is she doesn't want you around and I am taking her to a hospital. Now get the hell off of me."
Reluctantly John let go of Rex, knowing that he wouldn't let anything happen to her. "I'll meet you at the hospital." Not wanting to waste time arguing, Rex jumped in to the drivers side and sped off towards the hospital.
End Flashback
The memory of that day had been torturing John for months. He still didn't know how she had found out about Cristian, or where the journal had come from. He had followed Rex to the hospital and sat there for hours, waiting for word on Natalie.
But none came. Rex wouldn't speak to him, Michael avoided him and no one would let him get near her. Finally he had cornered Michael.
Flashback
"You have to tell me what's going on with her Mickey."
Michael stared frostily at his older brother, "No I don't."
"Mike, I need to know she's going to be okay."
"She'll be fine, no thanks to you. How could you do that to her man? Not tell her about Cris?"
"Don't start with me Michael." John warned, not in the mood for one of his brother's lectures.
"I will start with you. Natalie Vega is a wonderful person, funny, kind, caring, not to mention absolutely gorgeous, and for some reason she fell in love with you. You have led her on for years, treated her like crap at times, and even left her to die in a fire… yet, she still loves you. And you do this to her." Michael shook his head.
"Michael please." John begged needing to know how she was.
Michael remained silent for a few seconds, seeming torn. Finally he spoke. "If I tell you, you have to promise to leave Natalie alone, at least for awhile."
Although puzzled by his brothers concern for Natalie, John nodded. "She will be fine. She suffered a severe anxiety attack brought on by stress. She needs time."
"Anxiety? Natalie? Are you sure? Natalie's strong."
Michael suddenly became defensive. "Anyone can have an anxiety attack. I have patients to tend too."
Michael turned and left, leaving a confused John in his wake.
End Flashback
The thought of an anxiety attack worried John, something so unlike Natalie. And yet he had caused it, caused the strongest woman he'd ever known to break and shatter before his very eyes. He promised Michael he would stay away, and he did, but not for his brother, for her. He couldn't bear the thought of hurting her again, of damaging that fragile wild spirit he loved so much. So John had spent the next few days holed up in his apartment waiting for the rest of Llanview to get wind of what he had done, waiting to be punished. But, no one came, no angry former friends, no devils collection payment for his sin. No one, except Rex.
Flashback
"Open up McBain. I know you're in there."
John staggered toward the door, suddenly feeling the effects of the Jack Daniels he had been drinking. Throwing open the door, John waited for Rex's fist to connect with his face. But it never happened. Instead Rex just pushed past John and closed the door.
"I would like nothing more then to beat the shit out of you for what you did to my sister, but I promised Natty I wouldn't. I am here to tell you two things. Number one, aside from Michael and myself no one knows what you did. Natty wants it to stay that way. Despite wanting the rest of Llanview to see you for the jerk you are, she doesn't want Antonio and Carlotta to go through the pain you put her through."
John remained silent, feeling as if he had been punched.
"Secondly, Natty has left town. She doesn't know when or even if she will come back. She wants you to stay the hell away from her. Don't go looking for her, don't try and contact her - nothing."
Without waiting for John to say anything, Rex left the apartment, once again leaving John all alone.
End Flashback
Tap. Tap. Tap.
John was once again startled out of his thoughts by the sight of Natalie, this time at the driver's side window. John couldn't help but think of how beautiful and natural she looked, standing outside in the snow. John rolled down the window, trying not to seem too hopeful.
"There's a couch inside, it's yours if you want it." That was all she said before turning and walking back toward the house. John quickly turned off the car and followed her, happy to be free of the cold.
It wasn't much, but maybe it was a start.