While Jo's desperate attempt to finally blot out her pain had spread violent ripples outwards in every direction, news of this had not reached Helen and Nikki who were feeling very cheerful with their lot in life. It was a year on from when Nikki first took up her position as G Wing governor and, to Helen, it was obvious what they should do to mark the event.
"No, no, Helen," Nikki had exclaimed when Helen had first broached the idea. "I cannot see myself standing on a platform with everyone telling me how bloody wonderful I am"
"But you're used to standing up on a soap box." Helen had retorted cheekily.
"That's true, Helen but it was always about justice, never about me. I couldn't live with the embarrassment of it all"
"Well, from what I've heard from you, you are bloody wonderful. Surely you're not in favour of stopping free speech." Helen had relentlessly persisted.
"OK," sighed Nikki, surrendering to the inevitable. "Just who are you thinking of inviting round for a party? It's obvious that you've got everything planned right down to the last cheese straws." She had seen how the land lay from the look of glittering determination in Helen's eyes.
"Well, Karen for a start, and then Yvonne and Lauren naturally not to mention Cassie and Roisin," reeled off Helen, counting the numbers on her fingers, "Barbara is an obvious choice and we can't leave out Crystal and Josh. It would make a nice small group of friends who've known you from way back when. If any of them want to bring their kids round, all the better. It will be like a sort of family get together"
"You're sure that you don't expect me to make a speech"
Helen had smiled freely at Nikki's nervousness and shrugged her shoulders. She had suspected that Nikki, left to herself, would say a few words off the top of her head so long as she wasn't pushed.
It was a warm bright sunny day and the flat was unusually smartened up and party food perched precariously wherever flat horizontal space could be found in the flat. Helen had set to work with a will while Nikki played the assistant. The last few sunny days had also prompted them to consider that the back garden offered gentle serenity in which to chill out and the back door was flung open wide. While their huge floor to ceiling bookcase retained pride of place, they had cleared out the normal casual clutter that they had meant to dispose of for some time. In the back garden, they had dusted down and cleaned up the wrought iron round tables and chairs that normally nestled amongst the carefully tended flowers and foliage that was Nikki's pride and joy.
Yvonne's gleaming red Ferrari just beat Cassie and Roisin for prime parking spot and Cassie's opportunity to make an entrance as she pulled their car up to a halt. The four women were smartly dressed and smiled at each other. A slight breeze wafted down the street and ruffled their clothes. Events had caused them to join up for a reunion and put aside their individual lives for the day, so that they were keyed up with excitement. It had all the flavour of a high school reunion, except that they had never really lost touch with each other.
"We haven't seen you in ages, Yvonne." Roisin apologized." We're increasingly run off our feet keeping up with our two. The school demand more homework out of them than when I was their age"
"There is an end in sight," smiled Lauren. "Take me, nicely settled with a good earner of a job after a few hiccups along the way"
"That's the bleeding understatement of the century, Lauren. Anyway, what are we doing standing on the street corner. We've got a party to go to, girls," commanded Yvonne striding ahead of the other women who followed along automatically.
She led the way down the flight of steps to the basement entrance to be greeted with a big hug each from Helen.
"I was just saying to Yvonne that I get nervous of what two growing teenagers will have in store for us."
Yvonne failed to smile. Perhaps Lauren's sometimes psychotic development had been stabilized now but it didn't stop her getting that phone call coming from out of the blue. That memory was still vivid of driving out at night to help deal with one of their favourite miracle working barristers, who had overdosed on sleeping tablets and alcohol. This was a world that even Helen and Nikki were blissfully unaware of, and it was best that they remain ignorant at least for now. Yvonne just shrugged her shoulders, and did her best to regale Roisin and Cassie of her memories of Lauren at the same age as their children.
"I'm not the best role model for your two," cut in Lauren as Nikki came out to greet them.
"So it's your anniversary today, Nikki," called out Yvonne with a big grin on her face.
"An anniversary of one, I can deal with, especially the year I've had. After this, things can only get better. Anyway, the main thing is that we're all together and my event makes a good excuse for a party"
"Reason, more like, Nikki." Yvonne said softly while Lauren nodded emphatically. She above all else had reason to be eternally grateful for Nikki's kind-hearted care.
"Have you heard if Babs will be coming along"
"That might be her at the door," answered Helen as she set to open wide the doors of hospitality to her.
A very radiant fresh-faced Barbara neatly stepped into the front room to receive many hugs. The last clear memories of her had been their view of the pale, strained looking woman in the dock. It was clear that months of country living had given her back that appetite for life. A few seconds behind her came the noisy arrival of Josh and Crystal along with their two boisterous children.
The first instincts of a reunion took over as a whole series of crosscutting conversations took place. It was as if these conversations had been reined in due to their lack of proximity, and were now unleashed in every direction. They looked round at each other, not believing that those near and dear to each other were here in the flesh and not just some lurking tender memory while they were busy making other plans.
"We normally get together at the pub across the way from the Old Bailey. I've always liked it there."
"In a way, it's best that we're meeting here this time."Yvonne answered Helen's chattiness in grim tones."We won't be trying our best to have a drink and a laugh with one eye on the watch till we go, and watch one of ours go through the mill for another day. No gritted teeth waiting for the verdict"
"That reminds me, isn't John coming along with the very gorgeous Jo and George?" Cassie enquired with a grin.
"I spoke to them earlier on," Karen replied straight faced," and they said that they would have loved to come but unfortunately, as ill luck would have had it, they all have trials to prepare for."
Yvonne looked equally blank faced while Lauren looked very questioningly at her mother. She had been at home when her mother had picked up the phone, had shot out with hardly a word and had been very tight-lipped on her return.
"I'm sure that we will be in their thoughts as they will be in ours. We've a lifetime ahead and, who knows, we'll all meet up again. Anyway, Helen's made all the party food and there's the drink of your choice so what say we go out into the back garden."
Nikki's past experience of running her club came to the surface from her unconscious and her understated lead persuaded all the guests to trail out into the back garden. The first sight of it showed the fruits of Nikki's gardening skill set in a modest area. The back of the flats towered four stories up into the air and it made a natural suntrap Karen and Yvonne stood together, half as onlookers, half someplace else being the corner sofa on which Jo was slumped while they helped battle for her life. They were half removed from the smiling and chattering, the gleaming sunbeams as it illuminated the back garden. They made dutiful conversation and, yes, part of them were really pleased for Nikki. After all, she had worked so hard throughout her life to get to where she was and they owed it to her not to be party poopers.
Helen was in her element as she served the drinks to everyone while Nikki diffidently sipped at her wine and chatted to all and sundry, her eyes flicking towards Crystal's and Josh's children. In a hazily introspective mood, she was moved by their unthinking innocence, that they could behave in such a charmingly unselfconscious manner. She had lived in that land once, in the back garden greenery of her parents' garden, the one place where she had truly felt at home. As she came back to the present, she saw dear faces from the past, free from the dingy yellow walls of Larkhall into their natural habitat. She scanned Helen's laughing face, who had got free so that they could love each other. Into the frame of her vision, Yvonne's wicked grin came into sight and she had left Larkhall's gates behind in her turn. Lauren came mistily into her vision, her arm draped round Cassie's shoulders, as happy as can be, having escaped her own prison, physical and mental. Likewise, Babs, so lucky in husbands, so unlucky in their lives, had put her life back together after her second spell at Larkhall and chatted to Josh and Crystal. There was a rich, glowing quality about them all, that sisterhood into which river of experience Josh had been so sheepishly immersed, yet holding his own place. They were all assembled here in their back garden for a purpose, had they not? Yet time freewheeled along, no deadlines, no bars and barriers to hold them in. Only she and Karen remained yet they were not confined except by their duties so that any limitations on them made sense. That was what they were there for, on trust for their friends, Nikki dreamed aloud.
As her vision blurred slightly, it seemed that they were expecting something from her, the birthday girl as she used to be so many years ago. She could not understand how she had hated those family occasions, as she had gained the power and right to customize it to her own purposes.
"I suppose you are all expecting me to make some kind of speech, aren't you?" Nikki broke into the chatter, in louder tones than she imagined herself saying. To her great surprise, everyone's heads swung round in her direction, smiling in anticipation.
"I cannot imagine you doing any different, Nikki. You knocked them dead at that Conference, in front of all those academics. We should be a total pushover," came Karen's dry response.
"But what shall I say"
"Whatever comes into your mind, Nikki. You were always gobby. You've not changed since then," chimed in Yvonne.
"You can't come over all coy and reticent, Nikki. I insist." Helen chimed in, grinning from ear to ear.
That nearly made Nikki run for cover. The problem was that she knew them too well and she hated to talk about prisons on such a glorious summer day.
"Why don't you talk about your feelings, Nikki? Say it from the heart as you always do." Barbara's soothing kind voice cut in. Her eyes were infinitely kind and she understood Nikki's embarrassment. The other woman breathed in and out deeply and her tension gradually flowed out of her. The words were out there somewhere as they always had been. All she had to do was to pluck them out of thin air and they would formulate themselves. As her head was raised up to the sun, it seemed that the dazzling rays transmitted that blinding inspiration. She was confident that the words were there in her mind and just needed speaking. She took a sip of wine and cleared her throat .
"I hope this doesn't sound like my party political broadcast, but I just want to say a few words. Any major event wouldn't be complete without me shooting my mouth, you name it, human rights conference, the witness stand in the Old Bailey, prison protests, been there done it but I feel incredibly nervous standing up in front of my dearest friends. In another time, I would have talked about sisterhood because that was my life in running a gay club. Times have changed and I've also learnt to value the good men that I work with, who I have got to know outside work. We shall all be together if we wish to make it so. We've all seen some of the worst times in Larkhall, and we've come through the other side. I just hope that in this last year, I've lived up to my ideals and get the chance to do some good in the world without compromising my principles……"
Helen started as a memory flashed through her mind of saying those very same words way back when. She smiled to herself as she realized how the odds were stacked much more in Nikki's favour.
"……..anyway, Karen seems to be happy with my politics. She is my boss, after all and I have to do as she says"
A ripple of gentle affectionate laughter ran round Nikki's audience who formed in a semicircle round her. Karen smiled dutifully as Nikki paused to round into her conclusion.
"I'd like everyone to fill up their glasses right now and drink a toast with me for true friendship and also to absent friends that we all know somewhere out there. The only thing that is equal to it is true love, both for yourself and to another."
Helen, Roisin, Cassie, Josh and Crystal enthusiastically raised their glasses with shining eyes. Barbara smiled without sorrow at her memories which were very real and which sustained her. Only Yvonne and Karen felt chilled to the bone. They wanted to be incredibly moved by Nikki's typical display of free flowing emotion and wished that they could be inside the magic world that Nikki conjured up so powerfully. More than any other time, they wished that they could close their eyes and not see and feel the darkness that the negation of this conjured up. If only life were that easy.