The following weekend saw John alone in his flat and because he was in the unusual position of having quite a bit of time on his hands, it provided time for introspection.
In the moment of calm, he heard Helen's voice tell him that if there was ever a need to make an appointment for a therapy session, that he should phone her for an appointment.
John judiciously appraised the situation and came to the considered conclusion that he should arrange a therapy session with Helen. After all, had he not gone through the trauma of an imagined suicide in his life of someone who was most precious to him precisely because it had nearly happened? That childhood trauma was not so easily soothed that everything was now all right. The distrust engendered by that shattering event so early in his life would not be so easily quietened. He remembered how he had gone on to vent his anger on both Karen and George, and he was starting to have severe misgivings about it. It was all the more disturbingly ironical that considering what had happened to Jo that he himself had got seriously drunk. When he threaded all the relevant facts together, it told him that his life had swung off balance and that booking a therapy session was the answer.
"Hi, judge. It's nice to hear from you."
John was immediately heartened by the instinctive warmth in Helen's voice. It made him feel good about himself.
"You're probably wondering why I've phoned." Came his enigmatic reply as he edged into the matter in hand.
"Is it social or business"
"Strictly business. I was wondering if I could arrange a therapy session with you at fairly short notice, if that is convenient for you"
"You're sure that you want to take your chances with me, judge, after what's happened in the past"
"Quite sure"
Despite his deliberately restrained tone of voice, Helen sensed the urgency in his tone of voice. As it happened, he was in luck.
"I know that you're a busy man, judge but a vacancy has just cropped up at 10.30am tomorrow. Will that suit you"
"As it so happens, I haven't very much work to do that day. I go back to the grindstone the day after on a major trial. No peace for the wicked as they say"
Helen smiled understandingly at John's posture. What mattered more was what he would say tomorrow.
"Well, judge, you've been used to me asking the questions, of setting the agenda. This time, because you've come to see me of your own accord, you have the privilege of talking to me about what's prompted you to make this appointment"
Helen's opening remarks temporarily disorientated John, as this was exactly what he had not been used to.
"Ah, well, it is a bit of a long story. Quite a bit has happened since I saw you last"
"Begin at the beginning, judge"
"Two weeks ago, I went to a Human Rights seminar at Milan, safely leaving George and Jo behind or so I thought. My behaviour was exemplary while I was away in staying to the straight and narrow except, of course, ruffling a few political feathers that deserved to be so treated"
Helen smiled at both John's understated description and in genuine pleasure that he had at last achieved some balance in his life. It surprised himself momentarily how quickly he could snap into action and simply relay the facts. He had learnt this much from his time as a patient.
"I foolishly imagined that everything was fine while I was away. What I did not know was that the evening after I went, Jo took an overdose of alcohol and sleeping tablets.
"My god, that's terrible for you all. What happened, I mean……."
Helen immediate sat up rigid in her seat, concern and shock spreading over her features. She could not get over the fact that it was that force for legal advocacy that could move mountains had been reduced to such a state of desperation, like……like Monica Lindsay so many years ago. That incident was forever etched in her mind.
"I have to say that fortunately, she's survived unharmed. It was what saved her that I have problems with"
"Can you backtrack a bit? While all this went on, you knew nothing about it while you were away"
"Absolutely nothing until Jo and George picked me up at the airport and Jo told me while George dropped my cases off at the flat"
"So how did it happen that her life came to be saved"
"Some instinct of George made her go round and find her half conscious. She phoned Karen who came over with Yvonne and an improvised medical kit and a hot line to the SMO at Larkhall"
"……..who is Dr Thomas Waugh." Breathed Helen, her eyes wide open while a camera in her mind started to replay the video in her head of what had happened.
"I know Dr Waugh personally from way back and also via Nikki who works closely with him. While he is a stickler for procedure, he is prepared to consider radical solutions if he honestly believes that they are justifiable"
The confident tone in Helen's voice and her clear description of the man made a definite impact on John, who stowed it away as material to possibly reconsider his position.
"Whatever they did seems to have worked even though one might say that Karen was being recklessly foolhardy in risking Jo's life not to say her own professional position in not getting the proper authorities involved at the outset"
Helen smiled at John's convoluted delivery of words. This was no rococo form of verbal structure, but John's own way of flying a kite, of stating the facts without committing himself to expressing his own feelings upon the matter. There was one matter she needed to investigate first before pursuing John's feelings about the matter.
"Just one thing, when did all this happen"
"Friday, June 16th, the day after I flew to Milan and I came back on June 23rd, the same day when Jo told me what had happened." John said crisply. His profession made the chronology of events easier for him to relate to Helen.
"I'm only asking you that question because Nikki and I had a party on June 18th to celebrate Nikki's first year in her job and Karen and Yvonne came round. They were very quiet and subdued that night. They looked as if they only half belonged there. Now I know why…….."
Helen's eyes grew large and introspective while she weaved in her own memories of the party before switching back to the present in questioning mode.
"………suppose you tell me how you came to find out what had happened while you were away, John"
"Well, first I talked to Jo. She told me that she made a stupid mistake mixing alcohol with sleeping tablets and by some miracle George happened to come round"
"Hang on a minute, judge, aren't you rather glossing over the facts? For a start, how long had Jo been taking sleeping tablets"
"I assume that she had only recently obtained a prescription as she had problems in settling off to sleep and this was her first prescription"
"So how would you describe Jo's approach to alcohol"
"At times, not good," John admitted ruefully, opting for direct honesty rather than defending Jo's reputation. He paused a moment while he launched into a more precise description. "In normal times, she is the same as you or I. There are periods when if she is under stress, she binge drinks."
"And what events in particular can you recall where you have evidence of a particular problem with Jo's drinking"
"Two incidents come to mind, Helen. One was when she was hung over early on in Barbara Mills' trial so that George had to take over the cross examination. It all came too close to home as Jo once had to nurse her husband who was dying of cancer and"
"……there but for the grace of God goes Jo Mills"
"Precisely so"
"And the other occasion"
John immediately rattled off a concise explanation of the Jason Powell trial and a vivid description of how Jo had knocked back glass after glass of whisky.
"How long have you been worried about Jo's drinking"
"Seriously worried?" temporised John to which Helen nodded definitely, and fixed a determined gaze on John.
"For the past month now I come to think of it when my concerns gained definite shape and substance"
"So what makes you think that Jo made a mistake with the sleeping tablets? After all, she's an intelligent woman and is very likely to know about the dangers of mixing alcohol with sleeping tablets, which, in any case, are clearly set out in the instructions. When you put together a pattern of, on average, heavy drinking over a number of years, then wouldn't you think to be rather sceptical of her account as a mistake as to what caused the overdose"
"Aah." John said and then stopped dead. He might have known that Helen was lulling him into a false sense of security by getting him to talk impersonally about someone else's problems and then, verbally speaking, shine the inquisitor's naked light bulb into his eyes.
"I er, I suppose that I took Jo's word for it. I didn't blame her for what happened. I couldn't blame her"
"From what you have told me, you had a tremendous shock to the system from what nearly happened to Jo compared with what did happen to your mother. It's not irrational to react in this way. I've seen so many times how shock and anger often go hand in hand. So did you look for someone to blame and if so, who?"
"I have to admit that I have behaved very badly to Karen and Yvonne," John admitted very slowly after a long pause. His misgivings had taken on solid form, after Helen had exercised her considerable skills in steering him into a corner from which there was no escape.
"Coming back to what we were talking about earlier on, did you think that Karen was being recklessly foolish in risking Jo's life in not getting the proper authorities involved at the outset"
"I certainly did at the time and I went round to see Karen to give her a piece of my mind. I did, I can tell you." John burst out with a touch of defiance in his tone, rattled by receiving the succession of precisely phrased questions that were lobbed down at him. After all, it was his role in life to ask the questions.
"John, you were dealing with Karen and Yvonne, the two women who I now know why they were subdued at a party two days afterwards. You and I know them well enough to have good reason why they act and who were backed up by the permission of Dr Waugh whose reputation I also know. Suppose you fill me in on the details"
"I was angry that Karen had taken it upon herself to deal with a dangerous situation without going through the proper channels. Karen surprised me by saying that she had told George to do just that but that George had refused because a section wouldn't help Jo's career. She said that if Jo had lost her career, she would have lost the one thing that would have given her stability. She admitted that what she did was probably the stupidest thing she had ever done, but it worked, and Jo is alive"
"So how did Yvonne enter the picture"
"I didn't accept what Karen had said and so Yvonne gave me chapter and verse as to what Karen had done………I seem to remember that Yvonne actually called me a 'self righteous bastard.' Do you know, Helen, that in all my rows with authority, no one has ever called me that"
To his discomfort, Helen burst into loud laughter and didn't stop for quite a few minutes.
"You don't say that your royal highness has never been called that in your life? It must be the strict rules of the Playing Fields of Eton that you can't call a spade a spade, much less a bloody shovel"
"Come on, Helen, be serious"
"But I am being serious,' she retorted with great aplomb. "You must accept that sometimes you have acted like a bastard in your private life. You should know Yvonne well enough by now that there is a ruthlessly honest quality about her. Some might be offended by her manner but from my experience, that applies only to those who can't tell the truth to themselves, much less to others, to basically selfish, evil people"
John's eyes looked at the floor while he remained silent. Helen could sense that he was turning everything over in his mind. Both of them knew that Helen was talking about Fenner most of all.
"Haven't you ever gone out on a limb for something or someone you have believed. Haven't you found that that risk is worth it for the justice that you have brought about? Aren't you Mr. Danger Man personified?"
For the first time since he had entered the room, John faintly smiled. He had to admit that Helen's description of him was very droll and very respectful.
"So don't you think that what Karen did in the medical field matches up very closely with what you have done in the legal field? The motivations seem very similar to me." Helen pursued softly, infused by that note of unshakeable admiration in her voice no matter what she knew of him.
"When you put it this way, I cannot disagree with you. Yes, yes, I accept it and I have spoken out of turn"
"So are you going to do something to remedy the situation, to put it right. Karen has the right of appeal to your better judgment and you of all people must grant it"
John nodded. He was unable to speak as the shame of his harsh words made it impossible to speak.
"The point is that, unlike the situation of your mother, there is nothing is irrevocable, there is nothing that cannot be put right in Jo's case, both with Jo and everyone affected
What you must do is to apologise to Karen. You will feel the better for it, believe me."
"I promise"
"Do you know, if you had come to me with a similar situation nine months ago, you would have ducked and dived and wouldn't have told me a quarter of what you've told me today. You are a smart learner. There is so much hope for your future"
"Does hope mean that much to you, Helen"
A shadow passed over Helen's eyes. She had remembered the dreadful times when she had first worked at Larkhall as Wing Governor and remembered the times when she felt that hope had abandoned her. She knew very well what hope meant to her.
"Yeah, it does, judge. That's why both of us are in our professions, to give hope."