When university decides to crush your soul. Several assessments later i finally got round to this.

Chapter 19 The Truth, sort of.

The Doctor stood there staring at her with an unreadable expression for what felt like a long time, but it really was only a few seconds. He moved steadily past her without speaking and began reaching for the two books she threw to one side. Lauren watched nervously as the Doctor with care, picked up the books and gave them a brush with his sleeve, before walking over and placing them back on their correct positions on the shelves. He bent down again and started gathering up the scattered ripped pages, placing them on the nearest armrest. He looked slightly mournful to the book burning in the fireplace. Catching a glance of the book title before the flames burnt the words beyond recognition he was thankful to note he had another copy of that book somewhere in the console room.

"What did books ever do to you a part from actually teach you something useful," the Doctor remarked casually to Lauren. His careful tone not giving away if he was angry with her or not.

Lauren didn't say anything, just looked at the floor shamefully like a guilty child caught red handed.

The Doctor sighed. This really wasn't his area. At the first sight of human emotions he would normally turn in the opposite direction. This was more Clara's area of expertise. Clara always reminded him how useless his people skills were. Jokingly saying he needed some sort of cue cards to help. He briefly entertained the idea of calling Clara to the library so she could deal with Lauren's emotional problems. But no, he realized, they needed to talk. There was too much tension between them, too many unanswered questions that troubled him.

"I'm sorry," Lauren whispered, still not looking at him. "I didn't mean to do this," she gestured to the books. "Things just got to me."

"Happens to the best of us," the Doctor said impartially.

"It won't happen again though," Lauren said quickly. The Doctor merely raised an eyebrow clearly not believing her. He was remarkably calm, unnervingly so. "I, the, mummy adventure, those deaths just got to me. I know that's no excuse to destroy your books but," Lauren spoke quickly, stumbling over some of her words. She just wanted to leave the room. "I think I just need some time alone to cool off, you should understand," she made a gesture to her temple indicating the scanner he had used on her before hastily making her way to the door.

Lauren didn't even make it two steps before the Doctor grasped her arm firmly and forced her backwards, steering her into the armchair. She flopped back into the armchair with a surprised breath escaping her lips. The Doctor loomed over her. "Not so fast," he said.

Lauren stared at him wide eyed and rigid, nervously gripping the armrests. "No?" she squeaked.

The Doctor tilted his head slightly, observing her expression of dread. Lauren thought he was almost looking at her with pity.

"No," he affirmed. "We still need to talk."

"I'm sorry – " Lauren began again.

The Doctor cut her off with a wave of his hand, "I know you are but forget about that for the moment." He said impatiently.

Lauren frowned.

"I want you to explain how you knew," the Doctor said, his eyes narrowing on her.

"I don't know anything!" Lauren gritted out. Please don't look at me like that…

"Oh I think you do, very much so," the Doctor said in a low voice, his intense eyes gleaming. "I felt it in your head. All those lies and secrets all directed at me. You knew of a mummy on the Orient Express. You knew to seek me out for help when you first appeared at Coal Hill. You knew who I was, that thought was clear in your head I saw. How do you know me?" the Doctor demanded angrily. How does a girl from another dimension know who he is?

"Doctor?" the distant voice of Clara called down the corridor. She was trying to find where he went.

The Doctor ignored her call, he was still staring hard at Lauren trying to work her out. "There's something else too," the Doctor whispered. "Like I've forgotten something, every time I look at you," he clicked his fingers as he rattled his brain trying to remember something important about her. The feeling had been getting stronger every day, then suddenly the memory slotted into place in his head, once long ago forgotten.

The Doctor froze. Stupid, stupid Doctor, he was getting forgetful in his old age.

"I remember you now," the Doctor said, perplexed. "We've met before!" He exclaimed, eyes wide. He backed slightly away from Lauren now. Suddenly wary.

Lauren was too stunned to speak. He remembers. Now of all times a part of her internally cries. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest, it was so loud she was surprised the Doctor couldn't hear it.

"W-What?" Lauren stuttered at last to break the tension.

"A future you," the Doctor realized, thinking back to his memories a life time ago. An image of an older Lauren fiddling with a device strapped to her wrist. Internally sighing to himself, "Time travel," he muttered, tugging at his hair, "Always complicated."

Why was there a future Lauren running around with a stolen vortex manipulator? Was this her plan all along? Was she up to no good? The Doctor thought. Vortex manipulators are not to be messed with.

"Doctor?" Clara called again. Her voice louder this time.

"Library!" the Doctor called back without breaking eye contact with a nervous and shaking Lauren.

Clara entered shortly, eyes roaming the place before settling on the Doctor and Lauren near the fireplace further down the room. She strode over aware of the tension enveloping in the room. "What's going on?" Clara asked looking between the pair.

"Your friend here –" the Doctor began.

"Our friend." Clara immediately corrected him.

"Our friend had a bit of a wobble as you would say."

"And?" Clara asked slowly sensing there was more going on here.

The Doctor sent a sideways glance to Lauren. "I've just come to the revelation that we've met before, in the wrong order," he confessed.

Clara was surprised to say the least. Her eyes darted to Lauren's distressed face and the Doctor's stormy expression. She knew of course, but couldn't say anything instructed not to, but she wasn't expecting him to remember yet. He can't even remember Danny's name half the time. But then Clara supposed it was only a matter of time until it clicked with him.

"Life of a time traveller hey," Clara joked feebly. She didn't know what else to say. The tension was unsettling her. She knew he and River had kept meeting in the wrong order. "Er, is this going to happen to you a lot?"

"I hope not, always makes for an awkward social life," said the Doctor.

The Doctor turned from Clara to Lauren, rounding on her again. "But you still need to explain to me," he said seriously. "Who are you really?"

Lauren looked pleadingly between a confused looking Clara and a determined looking Doctor.

"No, hang on. What am I missing here?" Clara asked the Doctor.

"It seems our friend here knows more than she is letting on. She's been lying to both of us." The Doctor accused pointing menacingly at her.

"What?" Clara looked taken back. She looked at Lauren even more confused.

"OK." Lauren uttered softly. Feeling her heart beat madly in her chest. Her game was up she knew. There was no use in avoiding it. "Yes. I knew."

For once the Doctor didn't like being proven right. Lauren saw his face turn into a solemn expression, looking almost betrayed. "How?" he hissed.

Lauren sat there wishing a black hole would suddenly appear behind her and stuck her up. She was mentally screaming in her head. OK. OK. It's okay – It's not really okay but its okay. Be okay! Stay calm Lauren! She repeated to herself over and over. She had to tell him the truth but how?

Doctor did you realize your life is a TV show for the entertainment of other people back in my world? She imagined saying that to him. Doctor you know that film, the Truman Show? Your life is a bit like that. This thought made Lauren almost laugh hysterically, maybe because she was stressed and pressured.

Lauren realized he wouldn't believe it if she told him this, or at the very least he would ignore it. He probably believes she is some sort of dangerous time sensitive human. That's what she will be to him, and should pretend to be she thought. He wants the truth, she'll give it to him. Just not one hundred percent the truth. Maybe she can lie and say waking up in this dimension caused her to have foresight or something. And that wasn't lying, well, not really. Her knowledge only became foreknowledge when she appeared in this world.

"Ever since I've arrived in this dimension, I've just known things." Lauren blurted out before she could stop herself. Clearly she already made her choice of the situation.

"What sort of things?" Clara asked curiously.

"Um, things, just related to you guys and our adventures," Lauren mumbled. Avoiding eye contact at all costs.

The Doctor and Clara shared a glance.

"Like what?" the Doctor asked tightly.

"Um, well, I know there was an ice warrior on a submarine, a bank heist, you guys met Robin Hood -"

The Doctor turned away at this and started loudly muttering to himself, "Oh no, no, no, no, no. How is this possible?"

"You can't seriously know that?" Clara couldn't believe it. "See past adventures we've had?"

"And future ones, and who I am too apparently," the Doctor said looking uncomfortable with the whole idea. "Do you honestly expect me to believe you just obtained the ability to see through time?" he scoffed at Lauren.

"Well, I did just randomly appeared in a different dimension, who knows!" Lauren bit back.

"Doctor as weird as all this sounds," Clara stepped in, "We did meet Saibra. Remember the mutant human you enlisted to help us rob the bank of Karabraxos? Well, if we've got shape changing humans then it can't get any weirder than that."

"Clara, you're not helping," the Doctor said dryly. "But there's a big different between a gene mutation and a human with the ability to see past and future events of our timelines." The Doctor said, eyeing Lauren warily.

"If she's telling the truth," he added darkly. She could have been supplied the information as ridiculous as that thought sounded, who did she get the information from? She could very well be a trap. "Who knows what else she's hiding."

"I'm not hiding anything else!" Lauren screeched.

"Liar!" the Doctor shouted.

Lauren couldn't take this anymore. This was her worse fear come true.

"Doctor please!" Lauren pleaded. "I don't know what I'm meant to do. I don't know how I ended up here or why, I don't know what to do with all my knowledge!" Lauren sobbed. "I didn't chose this. You've got to believe me!" She stared at him, eyes watery. "I didn't tell you because I feared you would hate me or kick me out of the TARDIS. And trust me, I don't have any ulterior motive going on, you probably would have sensed that in my mind if I did."

The Doctor remained silent for a long time after that.

Clara looked at him uncertainly. "Doctor? What do we do?"

The Doctor didn't respond. Then just as Clara was about to open her mouth again the Doctor's glazed expression vanished and he focused back on them. "I need to do some repair work," he said gruffly before storming out of the library.

He said repair work but that really translated to 'I need time alone to think' in Doctor Language, leaving Clara and Lauren alone in the library.

There was an uncomfortable pause.

"Was there anything in the letter about this?" Lauren whispered, feeling numb. Clara shook her head looking deep in thought.

So future Lauren didn't give away any clues what to do about this situation to Clara in the letter. She didn't know if that meant a good thing or not. Curse her future self for being vague and useless.

Lauren ran a hand over her face trying to force back more tears. She failed. He knows her secret, it doesn't matter that he doesn't know about the TV show yet but now he must hate her.

"Did you know back then?" Clara asked quietly. She had yet to fully absorb the whole situation. Lauren looked up at her curiously. "Back on the moon?" Clara clarified.

Not you too Clara…

Lauren shut her eyes and sighed, "Yeah," she whispered.

Lauren didn't like the look that took over her friend's face. "That whole time," Clara breathed, shaking her head slightly. "You knew the outcome of that whole situation and you stood there and watched me struggle! Exactly like the Doctor did!" Clara was angry now. "I trusted you for help!"

"I did help in the end," Lauren tried to reason. "Please you must understand, I couldn't tell you I knew – for this very reason!" Lauren roared when Clara was going to protest. Feeling her anger slowly rise again. "You've both hate me. Distrust me. Maybe will kick me out. I have no home left. I don't know what to do Clara! With any of this!" Lauren cried.

"The Doctor is right," Lauren concluded bitterly after controlling her breathing. "I'm dangerous. Say one wrong word, change one thing and history changes who knows!"

Lauren curled up into herself and sobbed quietly. She didn't know what the hell she was meant to do. She just missed her brother most of all.

The TARDIS gave a low hum, one that was meant to be comforting. Well the TARDIS didn't hate her it seemed.

Lauren felt a hand on her upper arm. Lauren peered up to see Clara. "Come on get up." She ordered. Lauren hesitantly took her pro offered hand.

"Are you mad at me?" Lauren asked timidly.

"Yes," Clara answered honestly.

"Are we still friends?" Lauren asked hopefully.

"Yeah," Clara sighed gave her a small forced smile as she dragged her out of the library.

"Where are we going?"

"Your room," Clara replied.

"Does he hate me, will he want me to leave?"

Clara stopped and turned to Lauren. "No, he doesn't hate you," Clara assured her. "Angry yeah. Confused definitely. But he doesn't hate you. I've seen hatred on his face and trust me that wasn't even close. He just needs time to process it all. I think we all do."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After Clara and Lauren entered her room they just lay there on her bed staring at the swirling galaxies on the ceiling. Lauren said sorry a handful of times. Clara, though still slightly irked off at her friend hiding and lying about something so serious, forgave her. It mustn't be very nice to know things before they happen Clara had said. No, it really wasn't. They eventually settled on a compromise. Lauren was to open up but somethings she knew (obviously nothing about Clara's future) and tell Clara more of her life before she got trapped in this dimension. Clara found it unfair Lauren knew much about her but she barely knew anything of her old life.

"Well I guess I should start with the fact I was raised in a children's home," Lauren admitted to Clara. "Theodore and me. My dad died in a car crash when we were very young. My mum couldn't cope became unstable, eventually we were removed by social services when they thought she became unfit to raise us. Apparently a neighbour had called them in after something happened."

The Doctor knew that now too Lauren thought judging by his remark of her parents.

"I'm so sorry," Clara said. She understood her pain having lost her mum at a young age. Clara felt her world end then. She never thought she could be happy from that moment onwards.

Lauren swallowed hard. "It's OK. I don't even remember them to be honest. I don't know if that makes it easier or worse," Lauren confessed.

She explained more of her childhood in care, the ups and downs compared to normal children, the abuse from other children or even adults. There was one woman who worked there that hated Lauren, she didn't know why. At one point as they moved from foster home to foster home, her and Theodore got split out. Her foster parents couldn't cope with her, they realized Theo wasn't as bad to manage as her, she was the one with the most behavioural problems after all. Couples would take him but not her. They tended to keep siblings together but one day they made the decision for Theodore's benefit as they called it to split them up. Well let's just say that didn't work out in the end until he was placed back with her in care. Luckily they got fostered together by a nice woman for a while. It was a long process to finally getting adopted by her and her then husband.

There may have been a lot of crying as Lauren told Clara all this. Clara was understanding and caring. Of course Clara could never truly understand Lauren thought, but she tried and that's what mattered. She could never understand Lauren's pain at the thought of Theo now left on his own, after everything. He was the only true family she had left.

Friends were very important to Lauren. Friends became like family when relatives weren't always there for them.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The next few days passed quickly but felt slow to Lauren. The Doctor didn't really talk much to her. Merely a few words here and there, mainly grunts of recognition of things she said in passing conversation to Clara. Lauren wanted to cry in despair. At one point she lost control over her anger at the whole situation with the Doctor and Clara she ended up repeatedly kicking and breaking part of her grand wardrobe. The TARDIS locked her out of her room for several hours after, as a form of punishment and to repair the wardrobe. And to make sure, she also locked Lauren from other rooms including the library to ensure she didn't do anything else during that time.

She went on one adventure with them, it was not a great one. They ended up in a cell for most of it. Lauren had to ignore remarks from the Doctor on whether she knew what was going to happen with her all 'Seeing Eye' he said sarcastically. That led to another heated argument between them until Clara shouted from her chained position for them to shut the hell up because they were giving her a headache. Lauren for the record informed the Doctor she didn't know of every adventure they went on. That argument was the most they spoke in those few days. The wardrobe may have gotten another kicking after that. Another several hours of being locked out again, having to crash in Clara's room and being told off by her in her teacher's voice.

The only positive Lauren drew from was the fact the Doctor still cared enough of her to still become concerned when she was in particular danger or threatened by the guards. She decided to stay on board the TARDIS for the rest of the days curled up in her room or exploring the TARDIS while Clara and the Doctor went to various places. The TARDIS was still sulking at Lauren but was being nice, especially so, maybe to make up for the Doctor's behaviour. Clara though came in to visit her every night, keep her updated on her adventures and if the Doctor divulged any information on things going back to normal between them.

Eventually Clara was due to go back to her daily routine on Earth which Lauren was annoyed about. It was still awkward between her and the Doctor so without Clara about for a few days Lauren wasn't delighted with the prospect of being alone with him. Lauren found herself wandering into the console room. The Doctor was sitting on the stairs reading through a book while waiting for Clara to pack her things. He observed her over his book.

"Hi," she greeted shyly.

The Doctor grunted back in acknowledgment.

Lauren ran a hand across the console and watched the light blinks and flash. The TARDIS hummed in response. "Morning," Lauren greeted the ship with a smile. She heard the Doctor snap the book he was reading closed.

"It's no fun is it?" the Doctor asked so out of the blue Lauren jumped in surprise.

So he's conversing with her now?

"What isn't?" She hoped this wasn't going to turn into another argument.

"Knowing." The Doctor replied. "What is, what was, what could be, what must not…that's what I see. That's the burden of a Time Lord," the Doctor stated.

"Doesn't it drive you mad?" Lauren asked honestly. Feeling the burden she held was hard, how did he cope with his?

"All the time," the Doctor confessed, getting up and moving to the console beside her.

"I think I'm going mad." Lauren uttered softy.

"Anyone who is interesting is mad in some way," said the Doctor. Lauren half smiled at that.

The Doctor still wasn't entirely sure of her she could sense but at least this was progress.

"How do you - " Lauren was cut off as Clara came up the stairs to the console room with her stuff.

"You could leave all that stuff here, you know. We do have literally acers of room," the Doctor commented while piloting the ship.

"Oh, no. It's all right. Danny's got a little bit territorial. The idea of me leaving so much as a toothbrush here. But, still, he's all right with us doing this which I admit is a little bit weird, cos you'd think if he had a problem with me leaving stuff in the TARDIS, he'd object to me travelling in the TARDIS. But he's not so…." Clara said causally lying her socks off.

Compulsive liar thought Lauren.

"Sorry. Stopped listening a while ago. Okay. Er, same time you left, same place-ish," the Doctor mumbled looking intently at the strange readings on the monitor.

Clara jerked her head towards him. "Ish? Don't give me an ish."

"These readings are very, er, ishy,"

"Er, Doctor?" Clara called uncertainly to him.

Lauren looked to what she was staring at and groaned, "Oh dear." She came over to inspect the problem.

The Doctor finally looked up from the monitor looking confusingly at them, "Uh huh?" he mumbled wondering why they were looking like that. He joined them at the railings and turned to look at the doors.

Oh. The doors had shrunk in size.