Title: The Shave
Author: Lorelei Lee
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s)/character(s): Remus/Severus
Summary: A Series of 5 drabbles with two men and one razor...
Disclaimer: everything belongs to JKR and Warner Bros. - I just play with them.
Warnings: a little bit of cross-dressing
Notes: Many thanks to my beta kittehkat
The Shave – Part 1
„Okay, Remus, this is the shaving foam…"
"Put it away, Sev – I won't do it!"
"But you promised me! Now come back here!"
"No. No. No."
"It won't hurt in the slightest, Remy. Look – the razor is really sharp – it'll be over in no time. You'll perhaps feel a little bit tingly."
"NO! I want to keep my moustache. Whatever I promised you - I don't want to do it."
"Who is talking about your moustache?"
"But what… where… do you want to shave…?"
"Think about it, Remus, you dunderhead."
"Ah… yes… I see. Well… what are you waiting for?"
The Shave – Part 2
"That's great – I always wanted to have clean-shaven armpits. Thanks, Severus!"
"You don't sweat as much…"
"You have them clean-shaven, too?"
"Well…that is… er… yes, I…"
"I want to see!"
"Let go of me at once, Remus! I'll show you, but – don't – I'm ticklish!"
"Mmmmhhh – nice and smooth… but, Sevy, your deodorant doesn't taste very good."
"It's not meant to be licked off."
"It's a pity…"
"What's a pity?"
"I thought I could shave you, too… as… some kind of compensation."
"Well… there is a possibility, Remus…"
"Really, Severus?"
"There are still other body regions with hair, Remus."
"Oh… Severus…"
The Shave - Part 3
"Severus… are you really sure about it?"
"Yes. And do it now, before the shaving lather dries up, Lupin."
"No."
"What's wrong?"
"You called me Lupin."
"Oh God… Remus… please go on."
"Okay… hold still… good… mmmmhhhh… does it tickle?"
"Not really."
"Only a little bit more… There! Ready, Sevy. But I fail to see, why you…"
"Don't you want to test this with you tongue, too?"
"Don't distract me! I fail to see why you urged me to shave your legs."
"So that the silk stockings won't tear."
"S-s-silk stockings?"
"Yes, slytherin-green stockings. Do you want to see them?"
The Shave - Part 4
"Sevy… you shaved my armpits, I shaved your legs, you shaved mine…"
"You're looking drop-dead gorgeous in these black stockings, Remy."
"Really?"
"Mmmmmmhhhhmmm…."
"Er… where was I?"
"We have some shaving foam left – it would be enough for my bikini zone and your moustache."
"You're wearing a bikini?"
"So what? My intimate regions in exchange for your upper lip!"
"Intimate? Yesssss… but, wait a minute… my moustache? You bastard! That was your intention from the beginning!"
"Slytherin…"
"Why do you detest my moustache so much?"
"It stings when we're kissing."
"You should have told me earlier – give me the razor!"
The Shave - Part 5
"Sevy?"
"Yesssss…"
"Was this tongue-test to your complete satisfaction?"
"Oh yes… it was very… satisfying."
"My upper lip doesn't sting anymore?"
"Correct."
"And how…"
"Remy? What's the name of your disease? Afterglow-babble-syndrome?"
"Very funny! I just wanted to know where your sudden fascination with silk stockings comes from."
"Oh – haven't I told you yet? We will perform the Rocky Horror Picture Show at the next teacher's Christmas party."
"No – you haven't! Whose idea was that?"
"Dumbledore's – who else? You sure will look good enough to eat in your golden swimming trunks, Remus… er… Rocky."
"Severus! Stop smirking!"
"Call me Frank'n'Furter!"
The END