THE HAUNTED MINDS

Night life up the shades and let in the brilliant light of morning

But steady me now for I am weak and starving for mercy

Sleep has left me alone

To carry the weight of unravelling where we went wrong

Stupid

Sarah McLachlan

The next morning Rachel sat upon her bed feeling like she was going to be sick. Her stomach ached violently, her head throbbed. She couldn't even gather enough strength to try and convince herself that she had not just had a conversation with Marissa the previous night. That she hadn't been told, not only that her friend might be pregnant but also that her brother had lied to her. She was so lost within her own thoughts that she didn't even realise when Seth walked into the room.

"Are you okay?" He asked hesitantly walking over to where she sat on the bed.

The moment that Seth reached out to her Rachel rose and stalked past him, never looking back at the confused expression which he had. She wasn't in control of her body, it was in control of her. Forcing her to race down the stairs, through the hallways, into the kitchen and finally out into the backyard.

By this time the pain within her had become almost unbearable, overpowering her senses with vigour like no other. Reaching out to the handle of the pool house Rachel threw the door open and stormed inside to find Ryan lying on his bed, reading a comic book.

Striding up to her brother she tore the paper from his hands. "You bastard!" Rachel screamed throwing the book to the floor.

Ryan was taken aback by her sudden outburst and hesitantly sat up to face her. "What?"

"Tell me you didn't sleep with her," Rachel demanded her voice rising with every word.

Ryan wasn't sure what to do, though he was now partly aware of what his sister was ranting about. "Rach…"

"No!" She yelled in reply. "Look into my eyes and tell me that you didn't sleep with Marissa." When Ryan remained silent she attacked again. "Lie to me like you did at school. Like you've been doing for so long." She spread her arms wide as though inviting her brother to hit her. "Come on Ryan."

Ryan looked down not being able to meet her eyes for the smallest of moments. "I can't."

Rachel looked directly at him with pained eyes. "Why the hell not? It was so easy for you last time."

Ryan took in a long breath before rising from the bed and walking over to her. He could clearly see that Rachel was trying to keep her feelings in check, not wanting to completely lose it in front of him, though part of her was so desperate to let her feelings out. He watched as she buried her face in her hands before running them through her hair.

"Why do you even care?" Ryan asked honestly.

Rachel let her hands drop to her sides and looked up at him with a frown. "Why do you think Ry'?" She replied in an obvious tone.

Ryan stood studying her for a long time, taking in her every feature as though is was the first time he had seen her. "Did she tell you?" he asked calmly.

Rachel nodded her head slowly feeling the original dread come creeping back into her system. She didn't know how she was supposed to tell her brother the news without hurting him terribly. Part of her didn't care if he hurt though. What gave him the right to lie straight to her face and get away with it?

Ryan broke the silence, his voice soft as he spoke. "Have you heard from Theresa?" He asked.

Rachel looked up at him with shock on her face. "Why?" She asked now sidetracked from the initial reason of her being there.

"Something's happened," Ryan began watching closely as Rachel's eyes showed how possibilities were flashing before her. "Someone…"

"Ry'," Rachel tried. "What's going on?"

Ryan took a step toward her only causing Rachel to take one back. "There was an accident," he said. It took Ryan a long moment to find the courage to speak the words. "Kurt was killed three days ago." Rachel's face showed no expression and Ryan couldn't tell whether she was in shock or simply denial. "The funeral is being held later today." Still Ryan received no response. "I thought Seth might have told you about it but obviously he didn't."

Rachel went to speak but found that the words just didn't seem to come out. She was having a hard enough time processing Marissa's news, let alone the death of her ex-boyfriend as well. She didn't know how to react. She wasn't sure what to do.

"How long have you known?" She asked quietly.

"Since last night," Ryan answered.

Ryan looked strongly at his sister who seemed to be struggling to comprehend the new information. He knew that her emotions were running on high or late, with everything involving Seth and his parents, as well as the more frequently re-occurring visits from Caleb. Ryan was unsure if Rachel still had any feelings toward Kurt, though he knew if she did, they may only be of hatred. But even so, even after all that he had done to her, they had still had a connection. Kurt had still been a part of her life for countless years before she had met and fallen in love with Seth.

Knowing this only made Ryan's next comment harder to project. "I don't want you to go to the funeral."

Rachel looked up then, straight into her brother's eyes and held his gaze for a long moment. "Why not?"

Ryan looked to the ceiling for a moment. "Rach, you know as well as I do what that town does to you."

Rachel narrowed her eyes defensively at Ryan. "What it does to me?"

"Remember last time?"

"Last time was different Ry'. Last time I was so far over the edge that it didn't matter where the hell I went I still would have acted crazy."

Ryan ran a hand through his hair. "Kurt wasn't someone that you want to remember Rach," he insisted. "He hit you. He treated you bad, he…"

"Don't start talking about stuff you know nothing about," Rachel stated angrily.

"Look," Ryan finally said in frustration. "I don't want you to go and if you have any respect for me still you won't."

Rachel fell silent then, not knowing what to say in reply. She didn't understand how Ryan could be trying to keep her from saying goodbye to a young man who had had such an impact on her life. But at the same time, she didn't understand why she was caring about the fact that he was no longer in it. On her last visit to Chino, a side of Kurt was exposed, one which she had never seen before and wished to never see again. He had caused the scars, which she had returned to Newport with.

However, despite knowing this, Rachel didn't continue with the conversation, she wasn't in the mood to start arguing with Ryan, not this early in the morning. Sometimes she felt now that that was all they seemed to do, fight about unimportant things, like who used the last of the milk or why they did a certain thing at school.

Rachel would admit to missing the old relationship which she and Ryan had, the one which seemed to be becoming further and further away since they returned for Las Vegas. She missed having him there for her as a brother, she missed speaking to him about things that didn't really seem to matter afterward. She just missed him.

"Were you going to tell me about the letter?" Ryan finally asked.

"What letter?" Rachel questioned looking up at him again.

Ryan stared at her for a long moment. "The one from Steve. The one about us leaving with him."

Rachel cast her gaze to the floor and in that moment cursed the fact that she trusted Seth. He had obviously revealed to Ryan the secret, which she had been keeping for some time now.

"I told him no," she spoke.

"When?"

Rachel paused. "He came here a couple of days ago asking about it," she answered. "There was something in his voice and his look it…" she tried to find the words. "I just didn't like it."

Ryan was silent, not wanting to say anything which could lead his sister to becoming even more suspicious of Steve than she already was.

"Ry'," Rachel began looking up to see him staring back down at her. For a long moment she simply looked at him, not being aware of what was going through his head. "I have to tell you something."

Ryan was all ears now, those simple words had snapped him into focus and pulled his thoughts away from Kurt. The image of Rachel as she stood in the doorway of the Cohen's home, after returning from Chino was momentarily wiped from his mind, along with the guilt, which came along with it.

"What's wrong?" He asked though in some form, his voice sounded distant.

Rachel was hesitant at first. "You might want to sit down." Ryan only shook his head. It took Rachel a moment to actually speak the words. "I spoke to Marissa last night," she began watching as Ryan's eyes narrowed as she spoke. "And she told me something that I think you should know." Rachel looked to the floor, wringing her hands for a time and taking in a deep breath. "She thinks…"

Ryan tilted his head slightly at Rachel's pause. "What?"

"She thinks…" Rachel tried again this time looking directly at her brother when she spoke. "She thinks she might be pregnant."

Sandy stood in the kitchen looking out into the backyard attempting to bring his breathing down to its usual level. His wife had just walked off on him after another one of their now extremely frequent fights.

This time though, it had not been about his work, or Caleb or even the fact that they had spent less time together in the past month than they had in their entire marriage. It was a fight about the fact that they were fighting.

Kirsten couldn't seem to get her head around the fact that Sandy would not agree with her at all times. And this was a time like that. With Caleb in desperate need for a good attorney to handle his legal case if he did not want to be looking at a term in jail, pressure was mounting on Sandy to take the role.

He was partly unsure of why he didn't. On one hand it would be great exposure for him and his work, but on the other it would be doing something which he had been fighting for an age. And it would be proving that all of the stress, pain and heartache which he had had to endure whilst fighting with his wife was for nothing.

It was moments like this that Sandy thought he would look back on in a few years time as he sat around the dinner table with his happy wife and laugh at. But now, as he stood there looking out onto the world, Sandy dreaded one thing.

He didn't know if in the future he would have a wife.

"How'd it go?" Seth asked knowing that Rachel would be aware of what he was talking about.

She remained silent for a time, watching the waves and the twinkling horizon outside their bedroom window. "He flipped," she said quietly. "He just wouldn't believe me."

Seth nodded his head slowly at her response. He had known about the Marissa's phone call since the previous night. Having returned from the pool house to see a distraught Rachel in his room, he had managed to get her to tell him everything that had happened. In some ways it was not only to get the information, but also to get her speaking to him the way that he was used too. Seth hated to think that he and Rachel would continue fighting, though he admitted at times he simply couldn't hold his patience with her any more.

"I don't know what he's gonna do."

Seth shrugged. "You said it yourself, Marissa isn't sure if she is pregnant. It could be a false alarm."

"Maybe," Rachel thought. She fell back against the bed, lying on her back and looked up at the ceiling. "I'll talk to him when I get back."

Seth frowned at her comment and looked down at her as she stretched her arms above her head. "Back? You're thinking of going to the funeral?"

Rachel instantly regretted what she had said, knowing that she should not have brought it up in the conversation. Things between her and Seth were finally beginning to make some sort of sense again. She didn't want to ruin that by revealing that she wanted to attend her ex-boyfriends funeral.

"I was thinking about it," she replied. "Why? Are you upset?" Rachel leaned up on her elbows and studied Seth for a long moment.

Seth stared straight back at her, his expression showing annoyance. "Give me one reason why I wouldn't be upset," he snapped.

"Seth…" Rachel tried sitting up straight now and seeing that this conversation was not headed in a good direction.

Seth looked dead at her. "Don't say my name like that."

"Like what?" Rachel asked.

"Like you know how I'm feeling."

Rachel didn't understand where Seth's sudden anger was coming from. All that she had said was that she wanted to bring a close to a part of her life, which had haunted her for years. If anything she thought he would be encouraging, even maybe asking to join her but instead he reacted in the complete opposite way. He was worryingly angry with her.

"And now," he went on. "Even when you can see that I'm clearly upset about something you're still sitting there, talking like nothing is wrong. Well something is wrong Rachel." Seth watched as Rachel's face changed from confusion to shock. "You have no idea what it's like to feel like you're always second best to another person."

There was long pause before Rachel responded to Seth's statement. "Yeah, I do." She now stood from the bed and looked up at Seth. "The name Summer ring a bell with you?"

Seth turned his gaze away from her for a split second long enough to nearly kill Rachel inside. "That's different, you know she means nothing."

"She'll always mean something Seth," Rachel spoke honestly. "You named you're boat after her for God's sake. You think I don't feel like I'm constantly competing with that?"

"Don't start with this," Seth murmured clearly seeing that Rachel wasn't going to let him take everything out on her as he had previously done.

"No, I am going to start with this, and I don't care if you think that I'm being all wise and noble, because right now I couldn't give a shit." Rachel voice was strong and demanding as she spoke. "All you've been doing lately is doubting me. You think I'm gonna leave and you think I'm gonna lie to you."

"Because you have," Seth said simply.

Rachel looked at him desperately. "For a good reason," she insisted running her fingers through her hair. "Jesus, I'm trying Seth. I'm not perfect. Stop expecting me to be."

Seth shook his head at her honestly. He couldn't comprehend what she was saying though in his mind he understood. Sure, maybe he had blamed some things on her, maybe he had doubted her but he had his reasons too. Everyone around him who used to hold some sense of trust and dignity was beginning to break away. His parents, the two people who he always thought would be there, weren't as much as he needed them. Who was saying Rachel wouldn't break away too?

"I'm not expecting anything from you," he finally stated. "Just get over this guy, move on. Stop putting me in second to everything else."

Rachel let out a small breath. "Yeah, you know, you're probably right," she said with as little enthusiasm as she could muster. "I might be putting you in second, sure, I understand that. But what you have to understand is that I'm only doing this because whenever I get close to you lately all you do is push me away." She cast her eyes down to the floor space between them. "So prove to me that that's not gonna happen and that for once in your God damn life you're actually not gonna take things out on me and I'll stop."

"Rach I didn't mean…" Seth tried but Rachel was clearly tired of his games.

Rachel shook her head. "You know what Seth, save it, because I'm sick of this. We've been through it. One of us thinking that we have to deal with everything on our own and blaming the other for everything that goes wrong because of that. It's crap." She paced in her spot for a short while. "Try to stop being so completely self-absorbed right now," she stated before stopping in her movement and stepped up to him allowing her fingers to trail lightly down his arm. "Look, things are tough right now, I know that, but that gives you no reason to turn your back on the people that love you just because everything isn't going the way you planned it."

Seth was quick to step away from her at the comment. "You're one to talk, the last I checked you ran away twice. Once so far that you ended up in Chino and back to him."

Rachel narrowed her eyes. "Him? Kurt was a part of my life Seth, before you. Before any of this and that's something that you're gonna have to square with some day." Rachel was becoming more and more frustrated with Seth's inability to see her point of view. "You have no idea what I was going through then and why I did what I did."

Seth crossed his arms. "Oh I do," he said. "It was something like 'the worlds against me so now I have to run back to the guy who will beat me and tried to take advantage of me'."

The words hit Rachel square in the chest, knocking the breath from her for a time. She couldn't believe the words, which had just come out of Seth's mouth. It wasn't like him at all to speak to her – or anyone for that matter – in that tone. She had to force herself to hold back the tears at his insensitiveness toward a subject, which he knew was hard for her.

"Why did you do it?" He asked after seeing her expression of pain. "Were things here really that bad, or did you just feel like experimenting with old times, just to make sure you hadn't forgotten? I mean, this guy is such a huge part of your old life, right?"

It had become too much now. Rachel's emotions were at breaking point from hearing the words, which were spilling out of Seth's mouth. She thought that he loved her. She thought that he cared.

"Screw you," she replied not being able to help herself.

Seth smirked. "I think we've passed that stage already."

Rachel looked at him in complete shock. "What the hell is wrong with you?" She demanded looking directly into his eyes.

There was something that she had never seen before. Something there that scared her. It was as though he was empty of everything, which represented the Seth that she had fallen for. The playfulness, the innocence, the openness. It was all gone.

"There's nothing wrong with me," he began. "I'm great, just dandy, apart from the fact that my parents look like they're going to divorce, Anna's left, Ryan's going to have a kid and you're going to go back to the place you came from and probably never come back."

"I'm not going back to stay, Seth," Rachel began. "I would never do that." At this point she was trying to bring him back to her, to stop the coldness which had possessed him. "What you're going through is something huge but you don't have to keep taking it out on me all the time, I'm just trying to help. Ry' will deal with what's happening with him, you don't have to worry about that, it's not like you can help anyway. And Anna, is on the other side of the freakin' state, stop thinking about her for one second. And your parents, sure they're fighting, but that's what people do. Look at us for God's sake. This doesn't make them any different from any other set of parents that ever lived, it's not like mine were perfect."

She now had her hands resting on his forearms, feeling the clear tremble of his body. Rachel felt completely helpless to do anything. She had never seen Seth like this before. She didn't even know if he had been in this situation. But the shake of muscles was enough to terrify her beyond anything she could have imagined.

"Don't talk about my parents again," Seth spoke, low and menacing, with an almost growl in his voice.

"Seth, listen to me," Rachel tried desperately. "The only reason why I wanna go is to finally end it. I haven't had the chance to get Kurt out of my life and I want too."

Seth looked away from her. "Shut up!" He yelled trying to block out her words and escape into his own little world.

"Seth," Rachel said calmly placing a loving hand on his cheek and looking at him sadly. "You have to listen to me. Look at me." Reluctantly Seth brought his eyes to meet hers. "We'll deal with the things that are happening. We are dealing. These things, they take time. Especially your parents. No one's going to wave a magic wand and suddenly things will be okay. But what you have to do is try and keep moving, stop acting like the world is ending and feeling sorry for…"

Rachel was never given the chance to finish what she was going to say because before either her or Seth knew what was happening the back of his hand connected solidly with her face.

Rachel's head swivelled to the side and she stumbled back more in shock than actual pain. Her back suddenly hitting the wall behind her she stopped for a moment, her hand coming up to the now slightly red skin before she slid down and came to sit on the floor.

Seth stood before her, his mouth open, hand attempting to cover his shocked expression. He couldn't believe what he was just done. He didn't know what had possessed him to do the one thing, which he had always regarded as the lowest of all lows.

His eyes fell on Rachel as she sat, her back resting against the wall, knees pulled up to her chin. She wasn't saying anything, was barely even breathing.

Suddenly after only a moment of hesitation she rose and ran past him, dodging his attempt to reach out to her and disappearing from the room.

Rachel sat alone watching the deserted beach and the waves as they lulled upon the shoreline. She had been there for hours now, just sitting and watching, never feeling anything. Not the wind against her flesh or the dull ache which was still evident inside her. Not even the faint stinging of her cheek. Instead she pictured what her life would be now. Luke was leaving that very day, she hadn't even said goodbye, and now that Kurt was gone…

"You'll figure it out girl, you always do," came a familiar voice from behind her.

Rachel looked to the sky. "I thought you'd be have way to Mexico by now," she replied bluntly.

"It was Florida," they corrected with a smile, sitting beside her and gazing out at the ocean. "And the plane doesn't leave until tonight."

Rachel was silent at the new revelation and turned to look at Luke as he let out a soft whistle, matching the winds sounds. "Why'd you come here?" She asked honestly.

Luke turned to her and shrugged. "You weren't at home," he stated. "So I figured, where else would you be?"

Rachel held his gaze steadily for a long moment before smiling. "I hate you sometimes," she stated.

"Because I know all your secrets?" Luke asked interested. "Like…you used to do theatre with Ryan and your favourite smell is warm, chocolate fudge." Luke could see the grin growing on Rachel's face with his every word. "And you only come down here when something's happened that made you need to clear your head."

The smile instantly vanished from Rachel's face as she recalled the reason why she was sitting upon the sand at that very moment. "Which would be a lot easier if you weren't revealing my embarrassing secrets to the entire planet," she replied trying to cover the fact that she was truly hurting inside by shading her comment with humour.

Luke held up his hands defensively. "Just coming to say goodbye."

Rachel glanced at the horizon for a time. "We've already done that."

It was now Luke's turn to smile. "Do you honestly think I was going to leave when the last time I saw you, you looked like you wanted to knee me in the balls?"

Rachel's eyebrows went up at the comment, even though she understood what Luke was trying to say. The last time they had spoken was when he had revealed to her that he would soon be leaving, a statement which had not revealed the best side of her.

"There's a look for that?" She asked in an intrigued tone.

"You'd be amazed what you learn as a guy," Luke stated.

A silence swept over them then but not an unwelcomed one. Well at least not for Luke. The lack of words only succeeded in allowing Rachel to slip back into her earlier thoughts, her earlier heartache.

"How are things at home?" Luke asked gently.

Rachel didn't reply, she didn't know how too. She didn't know how to reveal the truth without completely losing control of her emotions.

Sandy and Kirsten are marching down the road to divorce, Ry' might be a father, Caleb is looking at five to ten in jail and Seth… Rachel's thoughts came to a sudden halt and it was only then that she noticed Luke was staring at her.

"What?" She asked.

A frown creased his brow. Without hesitating, Luke brought his hand up to her chin and turned Rachel's head to face him. The frown only became deeper now as he studied the left side of her face noticing how Rachel was watching him closely, but not hesitating. However, it was when he ran a finger lightly over her left cheek that she pulled from his grasp, taking in a sharp breath.

"What happened?" He asked concerned.

Rachel looked away. "Nothing."

But Luke wasn't having it. "What happened Rach? Who did that to you?"

In the moment that Rachel looked back at her friend she knew he understood exactly, even as she spoke no words. At first a clear anger was evident on his face, as though within moments he would rise to confront the offender. But soon it softened into sadness as he pulled Rachel to him and allowed her to rest her head upon his shoulder.

Rachel closed her eyes and leaned into Luke's embrace, being partly thankful that he had not left her side to go after Seth. She didn't want him to get into trouble on his last day in Newport.

As they sat there watching the water Rachel would admit to forgetting what it felt like to feel so secure in someone's arms. Sometimes it amazed her at just how close she and Luke had become, especially after their not so friendly past.

He was her Ryan or Seth when they weren't around. He listened to whatever she had to say no matter how ridiculous it was. But most of all he was there for her, any time of the night or day, he would drop everything for Rachel.

"Can I do anything?" Luke asked quietly.

Rachel looked up at him for a long moment.

Ryan paced up and down in the office of the local real estate agent growing more and more frustrated. He knew that he was only doing what he was in order to relieve his mind from the constant dread and confusing questions it contained. Since Rachel had welcomed him with a not so pleasant greeting that morning, followed by news which nearly caused his heart to stop he had been extra fidgety.

He had tried to call Marissa not long after he had spoken to his sister but she was not answering her cell-phone, nor was anyone at home. This frustrated Ryan even more because he was so desperate to talk to her. He needed answers and he was sure that his girlfriend had them.

Within only moments and young woman returned to the desk near which he stood and called him over to her.

"These are the details of the residence, the address, phone number and also the name of the man which you provided me with," she said handing over a sheet of paper.

Ryan quickly allowed his eyes to scan it before nodding his head. "Thanks, how much do I owe you?" He asked

But the woman only smiled. "Don't be silly child," she answered. "You don't owe me anything, I just hope you find who it is you're so desperate too."

Ryan smiled at her before quickly walking out and back to the car. He knew the address as it was one not too far from Harbor and he had been past it on more than one occasion.

Finally arriving, he climbed out of the car and walked slowly up to the front door. Without even a moments hesitation Ryan knocked loudly on the door feeling the adrenaline pumping through his veins as he did. His fingers were involuntarily tapping against his leg in anticipation.

Suddenly the door swung open to reveal a not so flash looking Steve with a beer in one hand and the newspaper in the other. His expression showed no shock to Ryan's arrival, nor did it show any emotion toward the young Atwood. Steve knew that his attempts to win back his son were all in vain. Rachel however…

"What do you want?" He asked uninterested.

Ryan stared at him for a long moment. "Answers," he stated bluntly.

Steve shrugged. "I've got nothing to say to you," he replied. "As far as you and your sister are concerned, I have nothing to do with you."

There was something in Steve's voice, which caught Ryan almost by surprise. It was the way in which he said 'your sister', the way in which he addressed Rachel in the conversation. It seemed as though his tone changed, almost becoming sly at the thought of her.

"Then you might want to explain to me what the hell you think you were doing talking to her the other day at the Cohen's," Ryan commented.

Steve only smirked at him not caring in the least what he had to say. "We had a friendly chat my boy," he said. "I just thought I'd try to make up for all the lost time."

This comment caused Ryan's strong hold on his control to finally break. "Which part do you want to make up for?" He demanded. "The part where you got yourself thrown in jail and left mum alone and pregnant, struggling to take care of all of us. Or maybe how you completely missed out on Rachel's entire life."

By the end of his tirade Ryan could feel himself shaking. Every part of his being was telling him to lash out, to hit this man, to solve the problem as he did with all this others. Steve had been the catalyst for the tough up-bringing which both he and Trey had, his absence even impacted on Rachel.

Steve took a menacing step forward but Ryan held his ground. "Don't you dare talk to your father that way."

Ryan laughed then. "Father? Is that what you call yourself? Is that what you make your kids now call you? Dad? I sure as hell hope you look after them more than you did us."

"You leave my family out of this, you hear?" Steve yelled.

"They're my family too," Ryan stated. "Half, brother and sister to the Atwood kids. Maybe you should try telling them about us, maybe even about how you were thrown in jail."

Steve was clearing reaching the point now where his patience was ready to end and Ryan could see that. But he couldn't stop now, he couldn't let this man get away with all those years of hell which he had put his family through. And now, going after Rachel because he felt as though she would be the easiest to break, that only made matters worse.

"Have you told them?" Ryan demanded. "Have you told them how 'daddy' used to do drugs and how he cheated on his wife at every opportunity he got?"

"I just want to give Rachel the life that she deserves," Steve insisted through gritted teeth.

Ryan looked at him strongly. "Does she deserve to get hit? Does she deserve to never know where he father is? Does she deserve to have her entire life ruined because of something that someone else did?"

"I'm different now Ryan," Steve stated.

Ryan shook his head. "You'll never be different. You're still the low-life bastard you always were."

That was the moment where Ryan knew that he had gone too far. Where the lines had been drawn and he had taken the lengthy step over them. He watched as Steve took a menacing step toward him, closing the distance between them in a single stride.

"You stay the hell away from her, you hear me?" Ryan yelled wanting more than ever to leave this conversation knowing that he had had the last word. "Because if I find out that you spoke to her, or that you came to find her, or that you even looked at her, you'll be wishing you never came back."

Within the second that it took for him to speak his final word, Steve's patience had vanished.

"You're sure you're okay with this?" Rachel asked as Luke pulled his car up to the iron gates.

He was quick to dismiss her concern. "I'll be fine," he insisted. "Just give me a call when you're done."

Rachel smiled at his comment. "Thanks," she said honestly before climbing out of the car. "I owe you one."

"Nuh," Luke replied. "Just get back in one piece."

Rachel watched as he pulled the car out into the street once again and disappeared around the corner. She stood there for a long moment simply staring at the gates before her and not making an attempt to move. It occurred to her not to go in, to call her friend to come and get her and leave this place forever, but she couldn't bring herself to do that. So instead she took in a deep breath and walked through the entrance.

Moving amongst the trees and along the winding pathways her eyes fell upon many names, some which were strangers to her, others…

Looking out into the distance, not too far away at the bottom of the hill in which she stood she saw a small crowd of people standing with their heads bowed to the ground. Leaning up against a tree with her arms folded Rachel watched the scene below in silence, listening to the wind as it flowed calmly through the air.

There were no feelings in her at that moment, no emotions, everything just seemed to have vanished from inside her. And yet, at the same time, she felt overwhelmed due to being where she was.

Slowly, the group began to depart the area, breaking apart and walking in the opposite direction, heading away from her. She was familiar with all of the faces that moved together, some showing sheer sadness, others no emotions at all. Each one of them she had been connected with at one time of another. She had spoken to them, relied on them, even felt as though they were her true family.

Sitting upon the grass Rachel remained watching the stop where they had been only moments before, never letting her eyes waver.

"Hey Rach," came a familiar and welcomed voice close by.

"Hey," Rachel replied as Theresa sat down beside her.

"To tell you the truth," Theresa began holding her hair back as it flipped through the wind. "I didn't think you'd show. It's all a bit too familiar, you know?"

Rachel shrugged at her comment. "I didn't think I'd come either," she replied. "Mostly because Ry' was full of fun, wacky threats."

Theresa smiled at the girl knowing exactly what she meant. Ryan had not been happy that he would have to inform Rachel of Kurt's death and if not for her own prodding, she doubted he would have ever revealed the news.

"Since when have you been afraid of Ryan?" Theresa asked playfully.

Rachel didn't look at her as she spoke. "If I was, why would I be here?"

Theresa silently agreed with Rachel's statement running her hand over the grass blades as she spoke. "So how are things with you guys?" She asked.

Rachel looked to the ground. "Don't get me started."

"That bad, huh?"

"Not so much 'bad' as 'complicated'," Rachel admitted. "Really complicated. Things are kinda tense right now."

"Yeah," Theresa answered. "I know what you mean. Me and Eddy – remember him?"

"Vaguely."

"Well we've been doing our thing for a while and he's a great guy, but lately…"

Rachel gazed up at the sky then. "Sounds like me and Seth," she replied.

A wide grin appeared on Theresa's face. "Ah, now he was cute. Not the type of guy you used to hang with but definitely one to fight for."

Rachel was silent now, she didn't want to get into discussions about relationships, not when the very reason for her sitting there, in the middle of the cemetery now was because of them. Not only the relationship between herself and Kurt, but also between herself and Seth. Going to Chino for the day had given her the excuse for not having to face him.

"Do you ever think about leaving?" Rachel asked after a silent time.

Theresa glanced over at her. "All the time," she stated. "I would if I could, you know, but some of us don't get lucky breaks."

"I wouldn't exactly call my break a 'lucky' one," Rachel replied.

"You ever think about coming home for more than three days?" Theresa asked.

Rachel knew that she was indicating her last visit, the one in which she had only ended up in her old town because she had run away from her new one. It seemed like such a long time ago now, since that moment when she had looked upon her old house, spoken to her mother, seen Kurt…

An image flashed in Rachel's mind so vivid that it almost knocked the breath from her. An image of the last time that she and her ex-boyfriend had been together.

"Sometimes," Rachel began forcing the memory from her mind. "I mostly think about going somewhere else." She paused for a moment. "But the thought has crossed my mind."

"Why?" Theresa asked turning to face her.

"Why…?" Rachel questioned not understanding what her friend was asking.

"Why do you think about leaving?"

"No it's not like that," Rachel insisted. "I'm not planning on leaving it's just sometimes it's like I can't believe what I have and I am so grateful…"

"But…"

"But sometimes I just don't think I can do it. I wanna call Newport home and I wanna make this new life work but the more I think about it and the more things begin to go wrong, the more I realise that I might not belong there."

Theresa was frowning at her comment. "What do you mean?"

Rachel shrugged. "I dunno," she began. "It's just like I've been thrown into this world and I love it, don't get me wrong, but I just…"

"Can't get rid of the 'Chino'?" Theresa finished questioningly.

Rachel looked directly at her. "Yeah," she admitted. "The good side anyway. Just little things that I could never get in Newport. But then I remember all the bad and I'm back to square one."

Theresa nodded in understanding. "My families always here if you need anything. Arturo never stops talking about how much he wishes you would come back."

Rachel put on a weak smile. "Tell him thanks. But the stuff I want I just can't get here."

Theresa gazed strongly at her. "What do you want?" She asked pulling out a pack of cigarettes and handing one over to her companion.

Rachel looked to the ground twirling the object between her finger for time. "Someone else's life."

"You don't mean that," Theresa insisted.

"Sometimes I wish I didn't," Rachel stated. "But sometimes I'm lying to myself if I deny it."

TO BE CONTINUED………

(My apologies for the delay in updating, I've been busy busy busy lately, plus this was an extra long chapter which didn't help matters. I hope you liked it, I hope you don't hate me for some stuff I put in there but I felt that it had to be done. Next chapter is gonna be a big one, not only in length. You'll find out what happened with Ryan/Steve, the 'pregnancy' is dealt with, and a huge thing happens within the Cohen family which will be the set up for the rest of the story. Please Review!)

Kitotterkat: Oooh, we're placing bets on whether Marissa is pregnant? That could get interesting. Well now you know how Rachel reacted with Ryan, understandably, not very good. I think she is definitely trying to be cool with him though just because she knows that things are rough around the house and that he might have had his reasons for lying. You totally hit the nail on the head (ouch) with the Seth and Rachel thing. Rachel is totally reliant on trust, everything in her life is built on it and I think by Seth not giving it to her, its making things a lot harder. Seth is a reasonably guy, everyone knows that, he's just dealing with a lot of things at the moment. I think a big thing also is that the problems are focused around him now instead of Rachel. She is used to having to deal with her own issues and now being on the other side of that is trying hard to work through the role. She is definitely seeing now what she put everyone else through previously, and is trying to return the favour to Seth because he was there for her last time. Did you comment on Rachel as a character with 'layers'? I dunno, I might have missed it. But thank you! lol. I hope I keep up with the 'good' story thing. Cya

Leentje: Hey, no problem, I like writing to you guys. It keeps everything up for discussion. I like having Seth and Rachel kinda back together too…I think it's more that they don't want to be apart, rather than actually fully making up. Ryan and Rachel are going through a tense time, it doesn't say it in black and white but pretty much since they got back from Vegas they have been spending a lot of time apart. That's kinda creating a break in that really tight bond they used to have. Lol. Everyone is obsessed with the whole Marissa thing. Everything will be worked out soon enough…I have some tricks up my sleave. Same with the Steve storyline…stay tuned

Meezardra: Hahahaha! I'm sorry I just love laughing at people when they think they have it right but they soooo don't. For starters (and I'm not being a bitch by the way) when did it say Ryan was depressed? He walked into the kitchen in a bad mood, that means he could have had a crappy night, he might not be feelings great…want me to go on? And also, how do you know the sickness is associated with the 'pregnancy'? People get sick. Anyway, I appreciate you writing all that stuff, I wanna hear it, totally not upset that you challenged something I wrote, I like that.