Reminder: I don't in any way, shape, or fourm own Grey's (pity isn't it) or any other song/song title used in this fic so...enjoy!
Somewhere a Clock is Ticking
VII: The Brilliant Dance
So this is odd,
the painful realization that has all gone wrong.
And nobody cares at all,
It was raining. Soft, thrumming rivulets quelling the lingering tension of the house, still and quaint, a shuffle of feet here, a suppressed cough or sigh there.
She lie, ineptly strewn across the blankets, hair staining the pillows, the faded creed of her Dartmouth tee illusively tangled around her breasts, the sheets glacial beneath the bare of her outstretched stomach.
It had been the mornings, the laconic lapse in time when the sky was still dark and the earth still inert that had always proved the most trying. Those hallowed few moments before the amber dawn of a new day, when her bed was still cold and her body still sheathed, that haunted her.
So you buried all your lover's clothes
and burned the letters lover wrote,
but it doesn't make it any better.
Does it make it any better?
She rued the memories that left each new day's optimistic light tainted. Bittersweet recollections of tongue and teeth, tepid breathe and wanton lips impishly rousing her from her hallowed slumber; agile and taunting, the adroit capabilities of a certain Neurosurgeon physically exhausting her until the lamented cry of her alarm.
Today, this bittersweet morning, was proving to be no different.
His words haunted her, marring her dreams and subconscious mind, irrational allegiances of obsession and intoxication, every word spoke but those three she most longed to hear. 'I love you.' She found no solace in his beguiling confessions, as she'd been assured since childhood, actions were to speak louder then words, and Derek's actions were anything but gallant.
She was foolishly pining over a married man, ridiculously allowing him to seduce her thoughts and taint her reality with false words of lingering adoration. The prominent brain-surgeons idealistic affair with his young intern, whom on a whim and a kiss had surrendered herself to him once more, reducing not only her own demeanor, but his as well, the surgical shenanigan of the year.
And the plaster dented from your fist
in the hall where you had your first kiss
reminds you that the memories will fade.
With a belated sigh of surrender and hopelessness, love and loss, she wearily clambered from the once reassuring haven of her bed, legs dangling meekly from the lined periphery. She couldn't sleep, had no desire to eat and was deliberately unwilling to speak to anyone, despite their desperate efforts of coaxing her into a heartfelt interrogation. Thus, wearily entwining her frail arms in a final endeavor to garner any warmth at all, she blindly set off on a feeble quest to appease her quavering senses.
One step at a time, footfalls soft and silent, she ventured with deft precision down the haggard stairs, a distorted mélange of clothing lining the entwined corridors. The abode the unmistakable residence of three overly worked, under paid surgical interns.
To her reluctant surprise, Meredith found herself not to be the only apprehensive resident plagued by lingering insomnia. Izzie, slumped and absently wrapped in a pale pink dressing gown, wearily flanked the weathered breakfast set, head down and eyes narrowed in forlorn concentration.
So this is strange,
our sidestepping has come to be a brilliant dance
where nobody leads at all,
"Hey." She attempted, inept arms cradling her shivering physique tighter; aptly floundering about the distraught kitchen, the quintessential aroma of blossoming treats noticeably absent. "Couldn't sleep?" She tentatively murmured intonation fraught with exhaustion.
And the picture frames are facing down
and the ringing from this empty sound
is deafening and keeping you from sleep.
A soft, sad sigh abraded the awkward interlude. "I don't sleep." Izzie numbly countered, gaze unwavering. "Not anymore at least." She rued, swallowing the rising sob that stalked her throat. "There going to put him in the ground, the man I love, there going to bury him six feet beneath my feet." Her voice trailed, tremulous gaze meeting her melancholy roommates for the first time in what seemed an eternity. "And I can't do anything about it." An irrepressible sob stole her breath, body heaving acutely beneath the confession and weight of her fears. "You look like shit by the way." She curtailed the emotional precipice, laughing in the spiteful manner she always did when the weight of a situation became too much for her to bear. "What's the matter?" She prodded, deftly wiping the welling tears from her eyes, momentarily attempting to avert the conversation from the lingering pity of Denny's untimely passing.
And breathing is a foreign task
and thinking's just too much to ask
and you're measuring your minutes by a clock that's blinking eights.
"I thought I was supposed to ask you that?" Meredith grinned in spite of her dejected friends belittlingly remark.
"Mere, I have cried for three days straight, I'm putting the man I love in the ground in less then five hours; tell me something, anything to get my mind off of all of this." Her voice an insatiable plea, brows piquing in contempt of the melancholy situation.
A slow, bated exhale slipped in rising apprehension from Meredith's piqued lips, eyes narrowing in long suppressed regret. "I ended it, broke all ties with Derek." A lilting sigh tainted the earnest silence, inevitable tears pricking the slip of an intern's woeful gaze. "Something happened." She deftly rued, clutching herself unbearably close. "Turns out we were never friends, just simply settling for anything we were allowed." A faint sob spilt from her lips, her endearments anything but earnest. "I'm with Finn now, Derek; well he is out of my life."
This is incredible.
Starving, insatiable,
yes, this is love for the first time.
A sidelong gaze, divulging much more then articulated, caused Izzie's intrigue to pique. Meredith's words were false and hollow, delivered fleetingly and with little emotion. Perhaps she'd attempted to end her liaison with Derek Shepherd, but there was no warmth in her mention of Finn, the charming veterinarian, and too many unspoken emotions in her purported finalization of the McDreamy romance. Her words were lying; tremulous body and quavering eyes contradicting what she'd foolishly assured herself. Mereidth Grey was in no way over Derek Shepherd, if anything, Izzie reluctantly mused, she was more in love with the indecisive neurosurgeon then ever.
Well you'd like to think that you were invincible.
Yeah, well weren't we all once before we felt loss for the first time?
Well this is the last time.
So I apologize for not updating on a regular basis, I've been super busy lately so...Anywho I've got the next two chapters already done so, they'll be up like pronto! Thanks for the reviews, keep them up! F.Y.I The songs by the lovely Dashboard Confessions!