THE CONFESSIONS

This won't mean a thing tomorrow
And that's exactly how I'll make it seem
Cause I'm not sleeping thinking I've crawled home
From worse than this

Great Romances of the 20th Century
Taking Back Sunday

Marissa sat quietly in her bedroom staring into space. Her eyes burned from the lack of sleep which she had had and her stomach twisted in a knowing knot. She knew that her father was downstairs with Hailey probably having lunch and yet she couldn't bring herself to go and speak with him.

She had not been home long. She had only just arrived after a long drive around town trying to come to terms which what she now knew. There was no baby. There never was a baby. Everything that she thought was reality had turned out to be a lie.

'Something you ate' the doctor had said. 'It was just something you ate.'

Marissa could remember the feeling which had washed over her as she sat there, in the cold room and heard the woman speak those words. Emptiness. Complete, utter emptiness. She had believed something, had wanted it to be real so badly and yet…

She hated herself for thinking it, after all, she was the one who had been on the phone to Rachel in tears exclaiming how she was devastated at the thought of being a mother. But now, after finding out the news and after having to process it all herself, she felt torn.

On one hand a baby in her life would have been a burden, she would admit that. But the thought of bringing something so special into the world had overthrown everything else for the past week and a bit of her life. It would bring an end to her now present life of divorced parents and heartbreak.

She was prepared. She was ready.

But not for this.

Fiddling with that phone in her hand Marissa finally worked up the courage and punched in Ryan's number. Waiting for what seemed like an age, the line finally clicked over to the machine.

"Ryan," she spoke. "It's me. I was just…I had to call to let you know that…everything's fine…it was a false alarm." As Marissa spoke she found her voice cracking slightly. "I guess it's a good thing…you know…for both of us. Anyway, I'll see you around."

Rachel felt numb as she walked up the stairs later that afternoon, her feet dragging her slowly toward her room. She didn't know what she was feeling. Maybe it was confusion or maybe it was simply nothing.

Going back to Chino, even if it were only a few hours was enough to reopen and entire lifetime of memories and emotions. And now, after only moments ago saying goodbye to Luke, possibly forever, Rachel could only think of one thing; avoiding all possible confrontation with Seth. She didn't think that she would be able to look at him without breaking down. Without completely sinking away from the world.

However, this was not to be because the moment she stepped into her room he caught her eye.

Seth's heart sank as he saw her standing there looking directly at him and yet not making a move to speak. "Where were you?" He asked being too afraid to walk up to her. "Captain Oats was about to send out a search party."

Lame joke, Seth, he thought. Really, really lame.

Rachel cast her eyes to the floor. At that moment she didn't know if she hated Seth or loved him. If she wanted him to disappear, or take her into his arms and wash away all the pain. She didn't understand anything.

But before she had a chance to decide what her next move would be Seth had stepped up to her, so close that Rachel had to close her eyes and take in a breath. She could tell that he wanted her, but was too afraid of doing something, which could only make matters worse.

She felt the side of their noses touch, his lips dancing microinches from hers. Feeling a sudden wave of emotion, which she could not explain Rachel closed the distance between them.

Feeling Rachel give in Seth submerged himself to the closeness he had with her. He had been terrified of scaring her away, of losing her forever and now he had to prove his love. Soon he had been pushed onto his back upon the bed and even though he could feel Rachel trembling slightly he never let his lips leave hers.

"I love you," she whispered between breaths as she felt Seth pull her closer to him.

"I'm sorry," he replied rolling her onto her back and looking down upon her face.

Rachel only shook her head. "Don't be." She again moved to kiss him but Seth hesitated.

"Rach listen to me," he begged seeing the clear confusion in her eyes and the emotional battle, which was going on within her. "I'm sorry. For everything. I don't know why I did it, I just…"

But soon enough Rachel had cut him short, pressing her mouth to his. It was not that she didn't want to hear the words, it was that she didn't know if she could stand the consequences of them. She didn't want to believe that what had happened was real. That he had hurt her, that he might again. She just wanted to feel. For the entire day she had been empty of emotions and she knew that only Seth could fix that.

"It's okay," she murmured running her fingers through his hair.

"I love you," Seth replied. "God I love you Babe."

Rachel's eyes flew open at the name and in an instant she was pulled from her trance. All thoughts of feeling no emotions had soon vanished and an unbearable reality fell upon her.

A moment later she pushed Seth off her and went to climb off the bed. She stopped suddenly, sitting on the edge shakily, not being able to move as everything came crashing down upon her.

Kurt had hit her. So badly that she had bled. He had been someone that she loved, that she trusted. He had been such an influential part of her life.

Rachel's breath came in short gasps as she felt Seth move up beside her and place a wary hand on her shoulder. She jerked away from him, not being able to stand the thought of him touching her. She thought she could trust him. She loved him so deeply, but he had hurt her. Why did everyone she love hurt her?

Covering her face with her hands Rachel fought to hold back the tears. She didn't understand what she had done wrong. If her only crime was loving Seth then she was terrified of what the consequences could be.

"Why does this keep happening?" She whispered helplessly, more to herself than to her companion.

In an instant Seth had her in his arms, this time not pulling away. He could feel her clinging to his shirt desperately, wanting to believe the lie and try to convince herself that he had not done what he did. She didn't want him to be like the others. She wanted him to love her.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Seth repeated the words in an endless stream.

Rachel buried her face in his chest forgiving him with all her heart and yet still feeling the ever-present pain. She knew he hadn't meant to hurt her. He would never mean to hurt her. If anything, Rachel believed that it was her own fault for pressing too hard for replies from him.

Whatever it was, not matter how much it had caused her to feel an unbearable sense of torment, she wanted Seth to be with her. She didn't want him to leave.

"I…" Rachel began but couldn't find the words she was seeking.

Seth held her close placing small kisses upon her hair and forehead in an attempt to get her to look at him. "It's okay," he whispered. "You're allowed to hate me."

Rachel pressed deeper into him as though trying to escape from the world which she was in. "I don't hate you," she replied softly. "I hate myself."

Seth pulled away then and looked at her in shock. "Don't say that."

"It's how I feel," Rachel said not meeting his eyes. "I keep letting these guys into my life and every time…" A single tear slid down her cheek. "Maybe I'm asking for it."

"No!" Seth insisted. "I screwed up. Me. It wasn't your fault. It was never your fault."

"That's not what he said." Rachel looked away from Seth then, not wanting him to see her, not wanting to be there. "He said I got what I deserved."

Seth was frowning at her now. "Who?" He asked desperately, wanting to know more. "Who said that?"

Rachel eyes gained a distant look. "He kept saying it," she whispered. "He kept telling me I was nothing, that it was my fault. But every time he said that, he told me he still loved…" She went quiet for a long moment. "Ry' kept telling me I did nothing wrong. I just wouldn't believe him."

Seth now knew what she spoke of, a non-existent topic in the household and an event which took place a year ago…

Yesterday, Seth thought. She was raped a year ago yesterday.

"I went to the funeral," Rachel stated quietly seeing the realisation dawn on his face and wanting more than ever to avoid the subject. "Luke drove me. When I was there I didn't even go to the grave, I just watched it from a hill like that was enough. And I thought, 'what am I doing here?' This guy, he…" Rachel cut herself short as tears streamed down her face and she fell back into Seth's arms. "I wanted you to be there with me so badly," she sobbed. "I wanted you there to prove you weren't like them."

"I'm not," Seth insisted. "I swear to you."

"Don't lie to me Seth," Rachel whispered.

"I'm not."

That night Rachel stood in the kitchen watching the pool outside as the suns rays danced upon the water. Closing her eyes she felt an impact upon her cheek and a phantom pain developed there. Opening her eyes again Rachel looked to her left expecting to see someone standing there, fist raised but there was no one.

Two arms encircled her waist, holding her tight. A soft kiss was placed upon her neck as she rested her hands over the new arrivals.

"You okay?" Seth asked.

Being unsure of how to reply Rachel nodded and spun around to face Seth who had his eyebrows raised. "How are you holding up?" She asked.

"You know me," Seth replied. "I'm fine-didly-ine."

Rachel frowned at him. "You're a lie-didly-ier."

"Okay, you caught me," he began. "That's not entirely true. Parents acting like it's World War Three, Gramps might be going to jail, Ryan could be a father, my crazed Aunt Hailey is up to something with Jimmy and the world as we know it has decided to rotate backward." Seth smiled sheepishly. "But there for some reason is still only one thing I can think about," he said letting his hands wonder to Rachel's hips.

At that moment Rachel's eyes left Seth and fell upon the bruised and bloodied form of her brother as he fell through the front door. The only thing keeping him from collapsing was a firm grip on the doorframe.

"Ry'…" Rachel whispered, pulling from Seth's embrace and running to her brother.

Seth stood shocked for a moment. "Okay, not exactly what I was going…" He turned then, seeing why his girlfriend had made such a sudden exit. "…for."

The moment Rachel reached Ryan she tried to help support his weight the best she could. Giving him a quick once over she realised the full extent of his injuries. Cuts that could have only been caused by fists lined his brow and jaw as bruises began to form upon his flesh. His shirt hung open loosely as though torn during a struggle.

"Jesus," Rachel said. "What the hell happened to you?"

Ryan struggled to stand on his own, leaving against his sister. "I'm fine," he managed.

Rachel was trying her hardest not to let his weight overwhelm her as she spoke in a strained voice. "You're not fine."

Seth still stood in his previous spot, one eyebrow raised. "Wow dude, you look like death," he commented but was quick to add. "Which is a step up from that girl in The Grudge, so it's probably a good thing."

Ryan let on a sarcastic smile. "Thanks man."

"We'll get you to the pool house," Rachel interrupted. "You have to sit down."

"Rach," Ryan began hid voice trying to convince her. "I'm fi –"

Rachel stood up straight then almost causing Ryan to lose his balance and go tumbling back out the front door. "If I hear the word 'fine' one more time there is going to be some serious anatomy damage going on." Each word she spoke was filled with irritation.

Seth put up his hands weakly. "Just for the record, I said fine-didly-ine."

Rachel shot him a deathly glare, clearly not being impressed with his attempt to make jokes. "Shut up and help me," she stated.

Seth reluctantly moved to them and using the combined strength of himself and Rachel managed to help Ryan to the pool house. With every step that they took Rachel heard a hiss of pain escape Ryan's lips even as he tried desperately to make it the least obvious he could. One safely inside Ryan sat down warily upon his bed.

Rachel positioned herself next to her brother allowing her fingertips to skim lightly over the cuts along his brow. "Who did this to you?" She asked, aware that her brother had not once met her eyes.

"Would you like me to start a list of potential's?" Seth asked as he stood by the doors.

At that moment Rachel had had enough of his antics. She was too worried about Ryan to find any humour in her boyfriend's remarks. "Seth, not helping," she growled. "First-aid. Now."

It took a long moment after Seth had left for Ryan to muster up the courage to speak. He turned slowly to face his sister who had developed a sudden fascination with the ring upon her finger.

"It was nobody," he murmured causing Rachel to look at him.

"Oh," she replied sarcastically. "Okay, so you just magically beat yourself up?"

Ryan didn't have a chance to answer because the moment he went to open his mouth Seth came bustling back into the room. "Nurse Rach," he said handing her the items he held before turning and leaving the two alone.

"Lay down," Rachel said.

Ryan, however was holding to his word. "It's nothing."

Rachel looked at him strongly. "Stop arguing and do what I say or I'm gonna add some broken bones to those bruises."

Ryan rolled his eyes but did what he was told. He lay back against the pillows cautiously, watching Rachel as she gathered the first-aid which Seth had brought. He closed his eyes with a sigh.

"Ow," Ryan suddenly said. When no reply came he opened one of his eyes to see Rachel staring down at him with a single eyebrow raised. "What? It hurt."

"I haven't even touched you yet."

"Oh, I knew that," he replied sheepishly before noticing Rachel's sudden silence. "What?"

Rachel looked into his eyes momentarily before casting her gaze away from him. She didn't know what to say. She knew she couldn't tell him about what happened with Seth. Ryan would go crazy if he found out. The thought made her realise just how little they knew each other now. Things had changed so dramatically since they returned from Las Vegas, it was as though they weren't brother and sister any more. Just two people, living in the same house, occasionally exchanging the odd word. Nothing special.

Rachel wanted so badly for things to be how they once were between herself and Ryan. She wanted to be able to tell him anything. About how she felt when she went back to Chino. About what Seth had done. But for some reason, she just couldn't.

"I hate seeing you like this," she whispered.

Ryan could see where she was leading the conversation and decided to try and bring some humour back into it. "Well this ain't exactly a walk in the park for me either."

Rachel smiled weakly at him before she began to dress his wounds. "Arturo used to tell me that the body can cope with twice as much as the mind," she said hearing a slight hiss from Ryan as she cleaned the cut along his brow. "He said that if whatever is happening, happens enough, the body becomes immune." She was quiet for a time. "But then he said that the body wouldn't have to be so strong if you used your mind once in a while."

Ryan watched her as she spoke, her eyes almost sad. Something in her expression let him know that she was not only talking about him. "Rach…"

"I'm still waiting for you to use your mind Ry'."

Ryan took in a long breath as she finished her task and moved to walk away. "It was Steve."

The comment made Rachel stop in her tracks but not turn to face him. "I know."

"Then why did you ask?"

Rachel was silent then. "I wanted to know I could still trust you to tell me the truth."

Days began to pass slowly by in the Cohen house, filled with the tireless routine of work and school. Sandy and Kirsten had come to the point where they simply didn't speak to each other. Any word exchanged would end in argument so they decided to avoid all chances. Seth was slowly falling back into the role as Rachel's boyfriend having momentarily slipped from it in his mind in fear of hurting her again. Rachel forced all thoughts of the past weeks from her mind and moved on faster than she ever thought she had before. As for Ryan, his wounds had healed but he constantly debated whether he should get in touch with Marissa to discuss the message she left on his cell-phone. On one hand she seemed perfectly fine at school, bubbly, energetic, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

People swarmed the Cohen's backyard, sheltered with a canopy and lit with sparkling fairy lights and candles. Everything seemed extremely formal, almost a little too formal for Seth who felt his seventeenth birthday party was turning into more of a carnival for Newport's rich socialites. Too many people around him were simply faces with no names to match. Yet he was still obliged to do the meet-and-greet with a fake smile plastered on his face.

However, now that the party was in full swing he had been left beside the bar alone pondering over his next move. His friends had given him space, knowing that they would get in the way of all of the party-goers wishing to speak to the birthday boy. But as he stood there, Seth wished nothing more than to have them in his company.

"Seth, long time no see," came a gruff voice from behind him.

When Seth turned he came face-to-face with a rather sleazy looking old man. "Ah…yeah," he replied not having the slightest idea who the man was.

"Oh you probably don't remember me," the stranger went on. "Dante's the name. Used to work with your pa."

Seth nodded his head warily. "Hey."

"So," he continued beverage of choice, examining it slightly before taking a gulp. "How does it feel to be seventeen?"

Seth's eyebrows were now raised and his mind racing for an excuse to leave. He could see Rachel standing by Hailey not too far away, a genuine half-smile on her face as his aunt spoke with wild hand gestures. Seth wanted so badly to be able to join them in their fun, maybe even go and see how Summer was doing with Marissa and Ryan.

"Not seventeen until 11:28 tonight," Seth replied comically.

Dante smiled crookedly. "Still got your humour I see," he said giving Seth a friendly slap on the arm, only causing the young Cohen to recoil. "And the fine lady I hear swept you off your feet, she is well?"

The moment caused Seth to tick his gaze over to Rachel and simply watch her as she laughed at something newcomer Jimmy had said. It had been a long time since Seth had just looked at his girlfriend. Not letting any thoughts into his mind but her. Each time he did this he was again taken by her beauty, especially now, after being through so much with her, everything just seemed so right.

Rachel smirked at Hailey as Jimmy left them to seek out other company. She watched as her companions eyes followed him until her was out of sight. When Hailey finally looked back to her she noticed Rachel's expression.

"What?" She demanded.

Rachel raised her eyebrows. "You know what," she said. "You two are way too obvious."

Hailey looked at her shocked. "You know about us? About me and Jimmy? It only started a couple of days ago. How do you know? Who told you?"

Rachel only smiled at Hailey who was beginning to sound more and more like Seth. "You just did," she stated. "Right then."

Hailey sighed, annoyed with herself for not seeing through Rachel's scheme. "Dammit."

"So," Rachel continued. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

Hailey saw her chance to turn the tables and let her eyes wonder around the backyard for a moment, taking in all the commotion of people drinking, dancing and talking.

"It's a bit hard to hold a convo with you Rach," she began. "Especially when your tongue is always down Seth's throat."

Rachel's jaw dropped at the comment, so typically Hailey. "No way, that is so not…" she thought for a moment. "Okay, sometimes maybe, but not all the time." She frowned then. "That doesn't mean we can't talk."

"Last I checked," Hailey continued flashing a smile to a socialite in the corner. "You need your tongue to talk."

Rachel went defensive then. "I have my tongue."

"Not when it's down Seth's thr –"

"I get the point," Rachel stated rolling her eyes. She looked about for a moment. "I'll see you later, okay."

Hailey smirked. "I'll be waiting for that talk."

Rachel dismissed the comment and began weaving her way through the crowd wanting some time alone. Having spent a while in Newport she had become accustom to the seemingly endless parties and social gatherings which the residents held. However, there were still moments where she had to get away from that, even if only for a second.

Nearing the house, Rachel was instantly intercepted by Seth who pulled her to a place behind the barbecue where they couldn't be seen.

"What are you doing?" Rachel asked feeling her heart rate lesson when she realised her captor was Seth.

Seth pulled her to him and kissed her passionately until she was forced to pull away for air. "Presents, presents, presents," he cheered bouncing from foot to foot.

"Oh, no," Rachel teased. "You're gonna have to wait."

Seth looked at her with shocked eyes, his movement ceased. "What? When? Why?"

"You're not getting your presents now," Rachel repeated counting off her answers to his questions on her fingers. "You can have them tonight." She looked at him seriously then. "Because the word 'creepy' comes to mind with one of them."

Seth contemplated her response. "Tonight you say? Creepy?" He thought long and hard. "And please tell me you said presents. Plural."

Rachel only smiled at his ability to pick up the least important part in her reply. Seth began to whistle softly and in the most obvious way possible, though still trying to not be obvious, placed a decorative bow which he held atop Rachel's head. She looked at his with raised eyebrows.

Seth gasped dramatically and pointed to the decoration. "What have we here?" He asked. "A present for me already? It's not even 11:28 yet."

Rachel continued to stare at him with a smirk on her face before stepping closer and pulling the bow from her hair. She tilted her head slightly and ran her finger along Seth's tie, tracing the knot for a moment.

"I love these things," she said.

Seth looked down at her curiously. "Why?" He asked. "I hate them. So annoying. First you have to match it to the shirt and then you have to p –"

He was cut off suddenly by Rachel tugging on the accessory and pulling him down the extra head or so difference in their height. Seth looked at her rather shocked at the sudden change in eyes level but was quick to realise what she was doing.

"That's why," Rachel stated before pressing her lips to his.

"Can't complain about that," Seth offered.

Rachel only smiled and let go of the tie allowing him to straighten up again. She watched as he bobbed his head around slightly to the beat of the music playing loudly behind them. Occasionally Seth would look to her and then roll his eyes toward the pain area of the garden where many people were dancing.

"What?" Rachel asked finally.

Again Seth looked to her, but this time dramatically turned his head toward the dance floor. "You want to dance?"

Rachel tilted her head slightly at the question before half-smiling at him. She took one last look at him before turning and walking through the crowd again. She felt Seth move close behind her, placing his hands lightly on her hips as though starting his own conga line.

Marissa smiled at them as they approached. "I guess you've had better luck than me," she stated.

Rachel looked over to Ryan who was sitting down with a frustrated look on his face, his hand in Marissa's as she tried to tug him onto the dance floor.

Rachel frowned at her brother. "Come on Ry', get into the spirit."

Ryan raised a single eyebrow at her. "I don't dance."

"Pfft," Summer said from beside him. "Of course you don't. You're like, from Chino."

Marissa let out an annoyed sound. "Fine," she finally said disappearing for a time before coming back with Jimmy. "I've found someone else to dance with."

"Good to know I'm always number one kid-o," Jimmy commented.

Seth lead Rachel through the dancers to their own clear spot near the centre of the group. He placed one arm around her waist, as she wrapped hers around his neck and took her free hand in his own holding her close as they moved to the music. It all seemed so perfect in that moment, as though nothing had ever or could ever go wrong.

Rachel let her head fall against Seth's chest as began to listen to his heart beat as it drummed away quietly to it's own rhythm. She felt like she was floating. Time wasn't an issue. Nothing seemed to matter as long as she was there, with Seth and her brother and friends were close by. Rachel loved the feel of being in Seth's arms. There was nothing else quite like it in the world.

The music soon came to a peaceful end and Rachel glanced back over to where Summer sat looking rather awkward. Ryan it seemed had finally been dragged up with Marissa, and Jimmy, leaving the couple alone moved about looking for other company.

It didn't take long for something else to catch her eye though. Up close to the house, just stepping out of the back doors was the figure of someone who sent chills down Rachel's spine. She felt her breath catch in her throat at the thought of what they had done, and the nerve they had to make an appearance at her boyfriends party.

"You should go ask Summer to dance," Rachel suggested quietly not letting her gaze waver.

Seth looked down at her. "You wouldn't mind?" He asked.

Rachel looked at him quickly. "No. Go one, she looks lonely."

Seth shrugged in agreement before they split up, him going to seek out Summer and Rachel moving off in the opposite direction. She quickly passed by Ryan who seemed to be oddly relaxed now compared to his state earlier.

"Tell Seth I'll be back," she said as she came into his line of sight.

Ryan looked in her direction, confused by her sudden exit but then he too found himself staring at the man. Immediately he broke away from Marissa and followed after his sister, forcing his way through the crowd and hoping that he wasn't going to be too late.

Rachel didn't think she had ever been so filled with anger before in her life. How dare this man hurt her brother and then show up at her boyfriends party. As she stormed up to him he acknowledged her presence with a simple nod, never expecting to feel the violent snap of her fist against his face. The sound of the impact vanished, washed away in the noise of the music and crowd.

Steve reeled backward toward the house, his hand shooting up to his jaw which now shone an angry red. "What was that for?" He demanded.

"Oh, I don't know," Rachel replied, her voice filled with sarcasm. "Maybe it's because you're here."

Steve looked at her sadly. "Honey…" he began but was again hit with one of Rachel's powerful strikes.

"Don't you dare call me that!" She screamed a little too loudly.

The music instantly cut away, the crowd turned, eyes transfixed on the commotion. Ryan pushed past the final person and emerged beside his sister, noticing her hands clasped into shaky fists at her side.

"What the hell gives you the right to show up here after what you did?" Rachel demanded and continued when Steve's expression turned to shock. "Yeah, Steve, I know it was you. I know everything. Why you left, how you used to treat my family."

Steve looked about obviously uncomfortable with the eyes of the crowd as they bore into him. "Rachel…" he tried.

Seth watched the exchange slowly getting closer to the pair. In his mind he was screaming at Steve, cutting him into pieces and making him pay for what he had done to Ryan. He was also trying to reach out to Rachel, to help her as she clearly struggled to deal with the new presence.

"You think that showing up here, barging into our new life, pretending to care is enough?" Rachel asked obviously. "You were never there. You still aren't, only when it suits you and when things don't go your way to take it out on the closest thing to you because you're too thick to realise that it's your own damn fault." Rachel could tell she was hitting a nerve when she watched Steve's expression turn from surprise to confusion and then finally to anger. "If this was just between you and me, I wouldn't care. But you made the biggest mistake when you went after Ryan. That was something that no matter how many big, fancy words of love you use will never go away. That was the one thing which totally lost it for you."

Sandy appeared over by the pool, his voice raised so that all could hear him. "I understand that you two may have issues, but I will not tolerate either of you making a scene at my sons party."

"Nuh," Seth said shrugging not too far away from Ryan. "Let them duke it out, there has to be at least one punch up at this party."

Rachel was staring strongly at her father now and when she spoke her voice was quiet and steady. "You don't know what it's like to have to get through the hardest freakin' childhood known to man with only two brothers as your lifeline. Not that I'm complaining, I mean Trey and Ry' did a better job than you could ever have. So tell me Steve, after all this, why the hell did you come back?"

Steve looked at her for a time before speaking. "I want to give you a better life," he answered.

Rachel laughed then. "I don't need you," she stated. "I've lived my entire life without even knowing your name. I've been through sixteen years without you. I've got through being raped without you. I've beaten hell out of my life and never once needed you." She went quiet for a moment. "I've fallen in love with an amazing guy who I would do anything for. And I'm gonna grow old and get married and have a family without you because you don't know the first thing about being a parent and actually giving a damn about your kids." Her last words came out in a rush of emotions.

"Rach…" Ryan said gently beside her.

"So what now?" She demanded not paying attention to her brother.

"…come on."

"No Ryan," she said pulling away from him and turning back to Steve. "I love my brother, he's probably one of the only reasons why I'm actually standing here right now telling the one thing in my life I've always wanted that I don't want them any more. So listen very carefully. You lay a hand on him again and so help me God you'll regret it forever. You got that?"

Throughout her speech Seth and Jimmy had managed to weave their way through the onlookers and emerge nearby. They both watched the exchange closely, worried that Rachel would snap at any moment.

Steve, who had remained quiet for the majority of the time now glared at Rachel strongly, showing every ounce of hate he possibly could in his expression. Something within his eyes terrified her beyond words. They were cold, almost empty of anything human.

"You've been putting things in her head, haven't you?" He growled at Ryan, his voice menacing.

It was then that Jimmy stepped in taking a hold of Steve's arms to control him. "Okay, I think it's time to leave."

"Stupid!" Steve yelled trying to fight off Jimmy's hold. "You were never anything but a worthless liar. You screwed up our family. You were the reason why Trey went to jail. You made a shit of everything."

Rachel stepped up to him quickly, her face directly in front of his. The only thing preventing her from getting any closer was Ryan's arm which now had a firm hold around her waist.

"Ry' let me go," Rachel said. "I'm not gonna hit him. He's not even worth the energy." She looked threateningly into Steve's face making sure their eyes met as she spoke. "Get the hell out of here," she growled.

The minute Jimmy had dragged Steve out the front door Rachel raced upstairs to her room leaving Seth to stop Ryan from going after her.

"Wow, that was like, a Hollywood show or something," Summer said as she helped Seth clear the tables once the party was over. "I mean, not to say it wasn't, like, totally sad and stuff though."

Seth threw the last of the alcohol bottles into the plastic bag he held and looked up at Summer not saying anything.

She was busily twisting a candle stand in her hands and didn't even notice his silence. "At least you know, no one like, got hurt or anything. Cos you know Ryan, once he gets mad, POW," she said punching the air. "Someone's down."

Seth smiled weakly at her and Summer noticed his lack of words. "Okay, or I could just like, hold a conversation with myself."

"Sorry," Seth replied.

"Still kinda wigged?"

He shrugged not wanting to make her think that the incident had had too much of an affect on him. "I'm alright."

Ryan walked up to them then dropping a garbage bag on the ground full of odds and ends. "Have you guys seen Marissa?" he asked.

Seth shook his head. "Sorry man."

"Last I heard she said she was going to the bathroom," Summer answered. "She looked kinda scary, like, mid-life crisis scary. She said she was totally fine though."

Ryan frowned at the comment but let it slide. He knew if something was wrong with Marissa she would tell him. At least she hoped he would.

As Seth walked into his room later that night he saw Rachel sitting cross-legged on the bed, her face in her hands. Next to her lay a large rectangular object wrapped in dark red paper. Not saying anything, Seth moved to the bed and sat beside Rachel. This type of silence was not unfamiliar to them, but this time Seth wanted to talk, to know what had happened at the party and why Rachel had run straight after.

"I completely screwed up," Rachel suddenly whispered as though reading his mind.

"I think you worked a pretty good number on him," Seth answered. "Plus, punch up party tradition is still going strong."

Rachel looked up, dropping her hands into her lap and staring blankly at the wall in front of them. "I told myself I'd make sure nothing went wrong. You deserved a good party."

Seth frowned at her, seeing her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "You didn't know Steve would show up."

"I know," Rachel said weakly. "But I didn't have to act the way I did. God, I just hate how he make me feel like this."

"Like what?" Seth asked.

Rachel let out a sigh and ran her fingers through her hair. "Dirty. Like there's a part of him inside me that I can't get out."

Seth scratched his head. "If there wasn't a part of him inside you then you would be…your mother."

Rachel turned to him with a serious look. "Don't even joke about that."

Seth shrugged. "It's kinda what I do." Not knowing what else to say he wrapped a possessive arm around her waist and pulled her closer, allowing her head to fall against his shoulder.

Rachel looked up after a moment to see Seth's eyes transfixed upon the wrapped object beside her. She couldn't help but smile as she took in his expression, full of concentration as he stared at the present.

"X-ray vision?" She asked.

"Only for the girls locker room," Seth replied.

Rachel pushed away from him but was quick to acquire a smirk on her face. "That just lost you present opening privileges."

Seth's face almost made her laugh out loud. Sadness filled his eyes. His mouth dropped open. Creases of confusion lined his brow.

"I'm kidding," he said quickly. "I would never do that. I don't even want to know what happens in the girl's locker room. I'm not even into girls."

Rachel's eyebrows went up at his last comment.

"I mean," Seth tried. "I am into girls, but just you. There is no other action I swear. With no one. Especially not Summer."

"You're sliding back down the scale," Rachel commented.

Seth cut himself off from saying anything else would could possibly get him into deeper water and instead placed a firm hand on Rachel's cheek. He gazed into her eyes for a long moment before pressing his lips to hers in a loving, yet urgent kiss.

"Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner," Rachel stated a little blown away by Seth's forwardness.

Seth's face grew a smile on it wider than Rachel thought she had ever seen. He flung his arm across her body and snatched up his prize, instantly ripping at the paper like a child on Christmas morning. When he finally managed to remove the covering Seth stared down in shock at what he saw. It was one of the few moment where he felt his heart stop.

"I didn't know if you'd like it," Rachel spoke honestly.

Seth continued to stare at the picture framed in a delicate mahogany border. The image itself was hand drawn with such accuracy and precision that it took his breath away. Seth looked straight into his own eyes. The eyes of a superhero standing proud, hands strong on his hips, cape billowing in the night air. The initials 'S.C.' were etched into his costume of red and blue.

Seth couldn't help the smile which crept along his face as his gaze fell upon his female companion in the image. Planting a sweet kiss on his cheek, and standing with one leg bent in an all too girlie fashion was Rachel.

"I drew it myself," Rachel spoke as she kneeled behind Seth and looked over his shoulder. "You know how hard it is to hide something like this from you for over a month?"

Seth was at a loss for words, which he considered to be the first sign that the earth had fallen off its axis. "This is incredible," he murmured not being able to tear his eyes away.

"You like it?" She asked hopefully.

"Rach," he began but not being able to find the words Seth turned his face to hers which carried a hopeful expression. "I love it."

Rachel smiled at him and it was the first time that Seth realised how similar her eyes were to her fathers. But there was one noticeable difference. Her eyes contained the story of trials and triumphs, pain and love. His were simply hollow.

"I didn't know if you'd like the whole Superman thing though," Rachel spoke trying to break the silence.

"I'm just happy that you put me in as the hero for once," Seth joked. "Generally I'm the one running like hell."

Rachel smiled weakly at him. "We've both had to duke it out, huh?"

Seth screwed up his face. "Me – not so much. I think you beat me in the pain tolerance," he replied.

Rachel shrugged. "Yeah, but that's all I used to know which means that in a sense it wasn't so bad. You've never really had to deal with people around you having problems and getting hurt."

Seth looked directly into her eyes then and held her gaze. "Yeah I have."

Rachel sighed. "I meant the important people Seth, like your family."

Seth couldn't help the frown which grew upon his features. "Since when aren't you important?" He asked giving her a light kiss.

"All I'm saying," Rachel said. "Is that you have to know that no matter what happens, they will always be there because they're the ones that will always love you. It's like me and Ry'."

Seth etched a little closer to her then running his fingers through her soft hair and brushing his lips lightly across hers. "You love me," he whispered.

Rachel felt her stomach flip at how close they were. "I love you," she murmured in reply.

Seth smirked then. "So how about I get that other present."

Rachel smiled then, she couldn't help it. Everything was so perfect, so real. This is how she wanted it to stay forever. "This one not good enough for you?" She asked playfully.

"I loved that one," Seth replied inching his hand up her thigh. "But this one is so much more – how do I put it? – lifelike."

"This one," Rachel began. "Thinks that maybe it's a little past your bedtime and you shouldn't be playing around any more."

Seth pouted in response. "Are you teasing me?" He asked.

Rachel smiled. "Maybe."

But soon enough he found that she had pushed him back against the sheets and pulled him into a world where nothing else mattered.

The night Rachel awoke to the sound of crying. Scared that is Seth she glanced up at him sleepily in the darkness but all that she saw was the peaceful, sleeping form of her boyfriend.

Frowning, she realised suddenly that the sounds were coming from downstairs and they were that of a female. Listening closely Rachel leaned up on her elbows feeling Seth shift beside her, before tightening his hold around her waist and falling back into his sleep.

When the sobbing continued Rachel eased out of bed, careful not to disturb Seth and searched blindly for any form of clothing. Throwing on Seth's shirt and a pair of jeans she made her way slowly and quietly out into the hallway. Stopping at the top of the stairs she listened again and this time heard what could only have been tissues being pulled from a box.

Rachel silently moved downstairs and began to follow the sounds all the way to the lounge. She stopped short as her eyes fell on Kirsten quietly sobbing on one of the sofas. Moving to her Rachel knelt before the distressed woman.

"Kirsten," she whispered. "Why are you crying? What's happened?" Her voice was filled with worry.

Kirsten didn't answer but instead looked up, past Rachel causing the young teen to turn in the same direction. There Sandy stood watching them both with heavy eyes and a remorseful face. Rachel felt her breath catch in her throat when her eyes fell on what Sandy was holding.

A suitcase.

"What's going on?" Rachel asked standing and looking from Kirsten to Sandy and then back again.

Sandy took in a long breath. "We've been discussing things Rachel," he began quietly. "And we decided it was best that I leave. I'm sorry."

Rachel looked at him in complete and utter horror. "You're what?" She asked confused.

Sandy was quick to reassure her. "It's just for a while, until we sort things out." He smiled weakly at her. "Tell Seth I'm sorry."

Rachel glared at him trying her hardest to control the overthrow of emotions which slammed into her body. This couldn't be happening. Everything was perfect for the first time in so long.

"So that's it?" She asked. "You're gonna cop out?"

Kirsten managed to pull herself together enough to speak. "Please Rachel."

But Rachel wasn't hearing it. "Sandy I know what it's like to wake up and realise that one of the most important people in your life isn't coming home," she stated in a rush of words. "You'd better do better than that because I'm not saying goodbye to Seth for you."

Sandy looked at her regretfully.

Rachel slid back into bed that night completely terrified. She had watched Sandy walk out the door without a second thought to what she had said. She had watched Kirsten continue to cry.

Rachel lay there silently, her eyes open and staring into the darkness. After a moment she felt Seth move beside her, lazily wrapping his arm around her waist again. He made a tired sound before pulling her closer to him, his chest against her back and nestled his head close to hers.

Rachel looked down at his arm around her and took his hand in her own. She knew that if she didn't do something now, she wouldn't find the courage to ever do it.

"Seth," she whispered.

Having no apparent impact with her voice Rachel looked over to him, running her fingers through his hair and placing a light kiss on his lips. "Seth, wake up."

"Seth needs his beauty sleep," he grumbled in an almost incoherent reply.

"Seth needs to stop talking about himself in the third person and open his eyes," Rachel replied. "I have to talk to you."

"Can't it wait?" He asked.

Rachel didn't hesitate. "No."

The tone in her voice made Seth's eyes open instantly and fall upon the face beside him. He rolled her onto her side so that she faced him fully and stared at her strongly for a long moment.

"What?" He asked. "Why are you dressed?"

Rachel took in a breath and allowed her finger to flow through his fringe and come to rest against his cheek. "I have to tell you something that you're not gonna like."

Seth frowned at her. "What is it?"

Rachel looked at him sadly. "Your dad left," she whispered. "I saw him just before with you mum."

Seth pulled away from her slightly. "You're kidding, right?"

Rachel shook her head slowly. "I'm sorry."

She didn't know what else to say, what else to do. She wanted to cry, to throw herself into his arms and let everything out but she knew that she couldn't. She had to be strong for him.

Seth immediately turned from her and snatched his pants up from the floor pulling them on roughly before he slipped into his robe. Within an instant her was gone from sight leaving Rachel to lie alone in the dark, her heart pounding in her ears.

It felt like eternity before he returned. Rachel propped herself up against the headboard not wanting to say or do anything which could upset him further. She watched as Seth paced the room, not being sure of how to deal with his feelings.

"Seth," she tried. "Come to bed."

He continued to pace. "He told me they'd figure it out," he murmured. "He told me." With his last words Seth sent a stack of school textbooks flying to the floor.

Rachel climbed off the bed and went to him trying to help in every way that she could but feeling just as helpless as him. "Shh, Seth," she whispered placing her hands on either side of his face. "Look at me. We'll figure this out. I promise you."

Seth took one look into Rachel's eyes and felt everything come crashing down upon his shoulders. His knees gave out and he slumped to the floor leaning against the foot of the bed. Rachel sunk to her knees beside him, this time not tensing when his head fell into the crook of her neck and his arms wrapped around her.

"It's okay Baby," she soothed, her arms around him, head against his own. "It'll be alright." She placed light kisses through his hair.

It was then that Seth did something that Rachel had never seen before. He began to cry. She physically felt her heart break as his tears fell upon her flesh, burning along her collarbone. She couldn't stand to see him hurting so badly.

"Shh, Baby, it's alright," she said holding him tighter. "I'm right here."

So they sat together, upon their bedroom floor, Rachel's borrowed shirt damp with Seth's tears and all the while she wondered if this would always be her life.

TO BE CONTINUED………

(Wow. Sorry for how long that was but I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop writing! I know a lot of you want to shoot me right now so I'm ducking for cover. Next chapter will be a pretty dark one with everything having effect of everyone. You'll find out what is going on with Marissa. Life without Sandy in the house begins and not everything turns out the way everyone hoped. Please Review!)

Kitotterkat: Do you realise you said the word 'great' like 8 times in that review? I was like okay, okay girl I get it. Lol. I really felt that Seth hitting Rachel was not just a total black and white thing. It showed a side to him that is there and that he does have the capability of really hurting this girl. I also really wanted to tie it in with the Kurt storyline because in that moment that's what Rachel was faced with again, it was like her old life was standing right in front of her and in a way that shows that it will never really leave. I don't think her forgiving him will totally be out of forgiveness, I think it will be more out of fear of losing him. Ooh the 'someone else's life' line. Lol. I've had a bit about that one. It can be taken a few ways, which's kinda why I wrote it like that. I think the most obvious though is the fact that Rachel is really waking up to the fact that her life is and will always be full of pain and pretty crap stuff. When Seth hit her I think that really dawned. Even when things look so great (haha great) there is always a chance of it all going wrong. And Theresa's reaction was just out of shock in the sense of her seeing Rachel with this amazing life and not understanding why she hates it so much. She doesn't understand what's going on behind the scenes. I have the plot all sorted now which is cool, I totally know where I'm going, though I always manage to change my mind. Ryan definitely begins his own little journey, Marissa does too. And everything manages to tie in around the Cohen household and how things are totally headed toward complete obliteration. Thanks for the review. It was GREAT.

SparkiMonkey: Finally you're back, I was starting to think you'd ditched the story. It was hilarious cos as I was reading your review I was writing this chapter thinking, 'man, I'm really gonna piss you off ending this chapter like this.' Seems like everyone is shocked with what Seth did. I was too and I was writing the damn thing! I'm so happy that you see Seth's side of everything though. He is in a totally weird place right now, and now with Sandy out of the house things are just falling apart around him. I think him hitting Rachel was a total automatic thing, he didn't think, it just happened. Lol. Yeah Rachel and Luke were getting a bit too cuddly on the beach but at the same time she really did need someone she could count on. At that point Rachel was as confused as Seth, she didn't know what the hell was going on and Luke was the only one around. She almost used him as Ryan because she couldn't go to her brother. But Luke's gone now, so don't worry! I made sure Rachel went to the funeral. I knew she had too, just to bring that whole story to some kind of closure. It was also kind of a symbolic thing too which I only realised once I'd finished that chapter. Seth hit Rachel, which made her go back to her old life in her mind. Like I said to Kitotterkat, at that moment she didn't see Seth, she saw Kurt, she saw everything which had caused her pain, and confusion and had made her break down inside. And by her going back to Chino physically, it was like she was putting herself back in those shoes. I finally got Ryan back into the protective mode, even if it was for only like a second. I wanted to go back to that cos it hasn't been there for a while. That whole brother/sister old married couple relationship isn't relevant with them any more. Believe me, I hate Steve as much as you do and that's why I'm putting him in as little as possible but he's there for a reason. You have to remember that. Nice guess with the false pregnancy, I was waiting for someone to pick up on it. Lol. That puts the whole Ryan/Marissa storyline into full swing now. And the whole 'Kandy' storyline will be a big thing from now on. Trust me my friend. I put everything in this story – good, bad, ugly and annoying – in for a reason. And this was a kick-ass review, definitely worth the wait. Keep em coming.

Meezardra: Okay, how about we drop this whole thing. I wasn't snapping back at you. I only said what I did because you have to realise that things which don't make sense will make sense eventually. So we're done with that. Moving on.