Title: Time Lords Don't Cry
Author: Katie (vands88)
Rating: PG-13
Timeline: Late S2, spoilers up to The Parting Of The Ways
Genre: Angst (a little bit of romance)
Warnings: Character Death
Summary: 10th Doctor/Rose of course. The Doctor reflects on his feelings towards Rose, including when she passes away.
A/N: I wrote this sometime last week, but only got it beta'd yesterday by Claire. I just needed to write some angst knowing that Rose was going to die, and this is what came out. It's my first fic from the Doctor's P.O.V. (instead of the companion's) so please tell me what you think.
Time Lords Don't Cry
Time Lords don't cry.
The Doctor doesn't cry.
…or at least that's what he told himself. It had never been this hard to keep his emotions contained, but with Rose it was different, with Rose everything was different.
At first, The Doctor tried to tell himself that she was just a normal companion, but even a stranger could tell they were more than that. The way they looked at each other when they thought the other wasn't looking, or how they found any excuse to be in each other's embrace, or how each had that look in their eye. A look that you couldn't even begin to describe but somehow the whole universe knew what it meant.
The Doctor loved Rose and Rose loved the Doctor. It was sort of an unspoken agreement, for both knew if they voiced what they felt it would just make things worse…make their emotions stronger and make it even harder to say goodbye. It was hard enough the first time; when the Doctor made Rose go back home. He'd never been so worried about a companion's safety before. Yes, he cared for them all, but Rose was so different…so 'fantastic' as he'd once called her. And she was, Rose was the most fantastic human being he'd ever met, but somehow 'fantastic' wasn't quite good enough word for someone like her, someone with so much enthusiasm, with such a contagious smile and someone who was just perfect in every way…apart from when she got herself in trouble.
That was the problem. Silly Rose Tyler and her bloody 'got to save the world' attitude, she was almost as bad as the Doctor himself. It was during these times that the Doctor realised how much he loved her, how much he couldn't live without her beautiful smile and her silly jokes, and it was in these moments that he kept having to tell himself what had become his motto since he met Rose.
Time Lords don't cry.
Sometimes he wanted nothing more than to just break down into tears. He'd seen so much, known so much that sometimes, just sometimes, it got too much for him. If you added that to the overwhelming emotions he felt for someone he couldn't have, it took a lot for him to keep a constant smile on his face. But he did - for Rose.
And now here he was, the moment he had been dreading ever since he first met her. Rose, his Rose was dying in his arms. Tears lined his eyes at seeing her pained intake of breath and the crimson blood running through her clothes and onto his hands.
Rose's blood on his hands.
Time Lords don't cry, Time Lords don't cry, Time Lords don't cry…
"Don't leave me Rose, don't leave me." He pleaded, holding her tight, watching mesmerised as the blood seeped through her clothes and onto his. "I'll take you back to the TARDIS, she'll fix you, she'll fix you. You can't die this way, I'm not letting you die this way." His voice turned into a whisper as he cradled her in his arms, slowing stroking her hair to calm her.
"Doctor…it hurts so much"
His eyes were now clouded with tears, but he wouldn't let them fall, not now, he had to be strong for Rose. "I know it does, but it'll be okay, I'm here Rose, I'm here." He murmured the words over and over again, needing to comfort himself as well as Rose.
"If I die…"
"Don't say that Rose, you're not going to die, I'm going to get you back home." The Doctor said with far more confidence than he felt as he supported her fragile frame.
"I love you."
Time Lords don't cry, Time Lords don't cry, Time Lords don't cry…
He choked back his tears, why did the scene he'd imagined a thousand times over in his mind have to happen now? This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. They were supposed to go save the world, have some fun, and come back home in time for tea. And then, one day, they would be on a beach in Barcelona, they would kiss as the sun was setting over the sea and everything would be perfect. That's when he was going to admit his love for her, at least in his fantasies. He must've daydreamed about this moment a million times, but not in a single one did he imagine it happening this way. These could be Rose's last moments…
Time Lords don't cry, Time Lords don't cry, Time Lords don't cry…
"…I love you too." The Doctor forced out, trying his best not to let Rose see him break down. He forced a smile and gently pressed his lips to her forehead. Rose's eyes fluttered closed, enjoying the warmth of his lips on her skin, the only relief from the blinding pain soaring through her body.
When the Doctor rose again, he expected to see Rose's eyes shining back at him only to see them clamped shut. They wouldn't open.
That's when he broke.
Shaking her lifeless body, willing her to come back to him, screaming and shouting her name over and over, not wanting to admit that she was gone. The tears started pouring down his face as he pulled her bloody form even closer to him, trying to warm up her cold, dead body. His angel was dead.
Time Lords may not cry…but men in love certainly do.
Yuck. So cheesy! Please tell me your thoughts anyway!
- Katie xxx