THE HEARTACHE

I turned my back on you and me
Cos I was scared to see
That we weren't who we used to be
So now I'm trying hard to let go

-Losing My Grip
-Hoobastank

Caleb walked into his office with a slight flinch in his step causing Kirsten to look up with concern. "You haven't been taking your medication again have you?" She asked.

Caleb dismissed the comment. "It's no good Kiki, too many poisons does more harm to a man of my age."

Kirsten let out a long sigh and returned to the paper, which she was writing. However, the longer she stared at the computer screen, the more jumbled and blurred the words became.

"It's a good thing I didn't hire Sandy as my lawyer," Caleb continued. "Otherwise we would still have a mess to deal with."

Kirsten's eyes flicked up to her father momentarily at the mention of her husband's name. It was partly true what he said. If Sandy had taken on the role of Caleb's lawyer then there was a good chance that things would have gone to court, where the trial may have stretched out for months.

The way her father had chosen to go didn't sit well with Kirsten though. She knew that the only reason why he was still a free man was because he had payed out the authorities to keep it that way. How else could he have avoided five years of tax fraud?

"I guess we'll be seeing a lot more of Sandy around again now," Caleb commented. "Seeing as he no longer needs to avoid the topic of my personal struggles."

That's not why he walked out, Kirsten thought but remained silent.

Sandy walked into Seth's room and found his son flicking through a science textbook with what seemed like the least amount of interest he could muster.

"How are you holding up son?" Sandy asked as he went and sat down on Seth's bed.

Seth was quiet for a time as he wrote down some quick notes before finally answering. "I'm fine."

Sandy narrowed his eyes. He knew well enough that Seth had been around to their old house to pick up some of his things the night before, yet he didn't know what had been the outcome of that. His sons lack of response could have been caused by another painful encounter with Rachel, or perhaps none at all. Either way, Sandy was completely in the dark.

"No, really…" He pressed.

Seth rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Dad, I'm okay."

Sandy sat in silence for a time and watched as Seth tapped his pen upon the table before finally letting out a sigh and turning to face him.

"What?" The young Cohen asked.

"Have you spoken to Rachel?" Sandy inquired.

Seth leaned his elbow upon the table and thought for a long moment about how he would respond. "Not so much talked as exchanged words."

"I don't follow."

Seth shrugged letting out a quiet cough. "There were words spoken at school, just not the ones I was looking for."

Sandy nodded his head then finally understanding exactly what Seth was trying to say. "I see. And they were along the lines of…?"

"Dad," Seth finally said. "Private conversation here. I'm not just going to rattle off every little detail of what was said."

Sandy looked strongly at his son for a time. "She told you she couldn't just be your friend?"

Seth raised his eyebrows but was quick to slump back into his chair. "More of less."

Sandy leaned forward slightly. "Seth, you have to understand where she is coming from. You've been – sorry, were – seeing each other for a long time," he said. "You can't just expect Rachel to forget that and I'd be very worried if you honestly say that you have."

Seth coughed loudly then feeling his throat scratch for a time before he let out a long sigh. "I don't want her to forget I just…"

"What?"

"I want it to be like it used to be, before the crazy palooza of 'feelings' came to town."

Sandy gave Seth an all too knowing look and spoke. "Before the 'crazy palooza' you two were both a hairs breath away from falling in love."

"Tell me you didn't just say a 'hairs breath'," Seth replied.

Sandy shrugged. "Sometimes all it takes is the truth to solve these things."

Seth frowned at his father. "The 'hairs breath' didn't help."

"That wasn't the point of the sentence," Sandy insisted trying his hardest to make himself clear. "What I was trying to say Seth is that truthfully speaking you and Rachel have never really been just friends."

"Come again?" Seth asked, not being entirely sure what his father was trying to say.

Sandy raised an eyebrow at his son. "You think no one ever noticed your flirting sessions?" Sandy shook his head with a smile. "I know you too well Seth."

Seth looked over at Sandy with a frown upon his face. He thought long and hard for a moment trying to conjure up memories of the times he and Rachel had shared before they had become a couple. Images of late nights playing video games and watched endless midday movies flashed across his minds eye. However, none of the memories contained anything Seth thought could have been classified as flirting.

"Did we?" he asked.

Sandy shrugged. "It was only ever a matter of time."

Seth was silent for a time. "Yeah," he said a little too quietly. "Maybe."

A sad look passed along Sandy's face as he saw Seth clearly recalling past times, which brought back unbearable levels of pain. "Do you still have feelings for her?" He asked.

Seth's focus remained on his desk, but what he was seeing was something completely different. He was seeing Rachel's eyes as they looked into his with more emotion than she had ever showed to him before. He could see that the sparkle within them had gone, completely vanished and all because of his own lack of words.

But what she didn't know that night as the last rays of the sun sank below the horizon behind her was that he had never felt so safe in his life. Seth had never felt so much for one person in one moment then he had at that time because what he saw in her eyes was something he wanted to be there forever. He saw the reflection of himself.

"Seth…?" Sandy pressed. Slowly Seth nodded his head in reply to Sandy's question. "Do you still love her?"

Seth looked up and straight into his fathers eyes. "Do you still love mum?"

Marissa slapped her hands on her legs in time to an off beat rhythm which she had produced in her mind. Her shoulders moved to the imaginary tune and her head bopped away along with them.

She sat alone on the beach waiting for Ryan to return with their lunch so that they could enjoy the sun and each other's company. Marissa knew that things had become tense between them lately even if Ryan tried to hide it and act natural. She knew that he was in fact as awkward as she was about the whole arrangement.

Though Marissa was overwhelmingly happy that Ryan was now living with her and Jimmy, she couldn't shake the feeling that he was only doing so to escape the drama's that plagued the Cohen house. It worried her to think that he had abandoned his only family for her. That he had left his foster parents and brother at a time when they probably needed him the most. He had also left the one thing which he had always claimed to be the most important aspect of his life; his sister.

Marissa bit her lower lip slightly hoping that Rachel would one day be able to forgive her for practically stealing her brother away. She hadn't seen the young Atwood in an extremely long time and it occurred to Marissa that maybe Rachel was in more need of Ryan's support than she was. It still frustrated her to be treated so much like a child who had to be waited on hand and foot. She could look after herself and she knew it.

"Hey," Ryan said as he approached carrying two paper bags.

Marissa smiled weakly at him not wanting to let on about what had been plaguing her mind. But no matter how much she tried, the emptiness within her just didn't seem to want to go away. It was not only the thought that she wasn't pregnant, there was something else too. Something that went much deeper than that.

As she looked at Ryan for a time as he sat down beside her and began to unpack their lunches she realised what it was. The one thing, which she had always wanted in her life but had never, seemed to have. The one thing, which would finally make all the pain, go away and everything become complete.

What Marissa needed was exactly what she had sitting beside her. Someone who cared. Someone who loved her. Someone she would not be ashamed to call her family.

"I got you chicken," Ryan commented as Marissa took the sandwich from him. "There wasn't really anything interesting there."

Marissa smiled weakly. "It's fine, thanks."

They sat in silence for a moment, neither of them truly knowing what to say to the other without sounding completely obvious. Finally Marissa couldn't take it any more and asked the question which had been burning at her mind for some time.

"Have you spoken to Rachel at all?" She asked though she could already predict what the answer was going to be.

Ryan was caught off guard by the directness of the question and it took him a moment to fully register what Marissa had asked him. He sat staring at the ocean for a time letting his mind leave his body and drift in a limbo. Images of his last conversation with his sister flashed across Ryan's memory and with each word that he spoke he felt his heart sink even further.

His arms subconsciously began to ache as he remembered just how hard he had slammed Rachel up against the door in pure anger over what she was saying to him. He could still feel his nails digging into her soft flesh leaving slightly pink marks along her arms.

"Well?" Marissa asked in an attempt to bring Ryan back to her level.

Ryan simply shook his head. "Nuh."

Marissa nodded slightly. "Maybe you should."

She didn't want to be the reason why Ryan and Rachel had been pulled apart, though somewhere deep inside Marissa, she knew that she was. Ever since her relationship with Ryan had become more serious, his with his sister had become more distant. Marissa didn't know if she would be able to live with the guilt of knowing what she had done.

Luke raised his eyebrows in acknowledgment of Seth as he approached him in the cafeteria.

"Hey dude, what's up?" Luke asked once Seth was in earshot.

Seth shrugged. "Not much man, just getting some lunch."

Luke stopped Seth as he went to retrieve the twenty dollars he owed the lunch lady. "Nuh, it's on me," he said.

Seth frowned slightly at him but he was in no mood to argue with a guy who could beat him down with a single punch. "Thanks man."

Luke handed Seth his pie and they both moved to sit upon the brown, leather couches in the corner of the room. "So how are things with your folks?" Luke asked taking as much precaution as possible to ensure that he didn't say anything, which could offend.

Seth let out a groan as he sat down. "Crap," he replied bluntly. "It's like World War three has come to town but this time the soldiers decided to insult each other and save the energy it takes to arm bombs."

"Tough break," Luke replied.

"You deal," Seth answered before letting out a few coughs.

"You alright dude?" Luke asked concerned.

Seth nodded his head before letting out another violent cough. "Yeah, I'm fine, it's nothing."

"Maybe you should get it checked out, you don't want to get sick when you're under so much stress."

"Dude," Seth began. "Seth Cohen does not kneel to stress. All is good, it's just a cough."

Luke shrugged then not wanting to press the matter further. "Okay, whatever you think."

There was a silence before Seth spoke up. "Hey man, you haven't spoken to Rach lately, have you?"

Luke looked over at Seth for a long moment not being quite sure what to say. On one hand he was happy to help out a friend, but on the other he didn't want to be getting in the middle of other peoples problems.

"Yeah, I saw her just before," Luke replied.

Seth scratched his head absently. "She didn't…you know…she didn't say anything, did she?"

Luke smiled and made an attempt to bring the fun back into the conversation. "How would we have had a conversation if she didn't speak?"

"You know what I mean," Seth answered. "She didn't sat anything about me?"

Luke shook his head honestly. "Sorry man."

Seth nodded however knowing full well that although Rachel trusted Luke immensely, she wouldn't tell him anything regarding someone he was friends with. This annoyed Seth to a degree because he was so desperate to know what Rachel was feeling and he was sure that she would never say it straight to his face. She would never want to hurt him, even knowing how much he had hurt her.

Seth's thoughts were cut short however when a violent fit of coughs overthrew him. He leaned forward on his elbows trying desperately to bring his body back under control. He could feel his head pounding violently, this eyes burned, stomach twisted.

The last thing that Seth heard was Luke's worried voice before everything went black.

Once Doctor Tony had walked out of Seth's room Sandy was throwing question at him. "Is he okay…? What's wrong with my son…? Is there anything I can do to help…?"

Tony dismissed the comments and as they sat together in the lounge put on a reassuring face. "Mr. Cohen…"

"Sandy."

"Sandy, your son is fine. From what I can tell he is showing the standard signs of stress," Tony explained. "There is only so much ones mind can take before it begins to retaliate – or become sick. This is simply the natural mechanism to fight off unwanted problems or issues which could increase the bodies stress levels." Tony paused for a moment to allow Sandy to take in the news. "Can I ask, has your son been put under any additional emotional stress of late?"

Sandy was quite for a time before he looked up at Tony. "Ah, his mother and I are going through a stressful time, yes."

Tony nodded his head in understanding. "The best thing which I could suggest is to simply bring him something which calms him. It might be a particular piece of music or even a picture. Just something which you know will be able to free his mind from the worry and put him at ease until such time that the symptoms go away."

Sandy raised his head slightly and stared at the doctor, the wheels in his mind ticking over.

Hailey knocked on Rachel's door twice before pushing it open and entering the room. She could hear dimmed music, which could have only been coming from headphones filling the room.

She found Rachel sitting up against the headboard of her bed, head tilted back and eyes closed as she listened to the music which drummed away in her ears. Hailey had a sudden urge to jump on the bed and scare Rachel just as a joke but thought the better of it considering the not-so-playful nature the girl had been in for the past few weeks.

So instead, Hailey reached out and placed a calm hand on Rachel's arm in an attempt to get her attention. The moment they made contact Rachel was ripped from her world and thrown suddenly back into reality. She instinctively grabbed hold of Hailey's wrist as her eyes sprang open and her body tensed.

"Wow, hey girl, get a grip," Hailey stated getting a shock at how Rachel had reacted to her presence. "It's only me."

When Rachel heard Hailey's voice she immediately let her hold on her go and a breath escape her lungs. She pulled the headphones from her ears and gave Hailey an apologetic look.

"Sorry," Rachel murmured. "You just gave me a fright."

"I'll say," Hailey replied. "Who the hell did you think I was, a murderer?"

Rachel remained silent then and instead rubbed her eyes roughly. She had no intention of hurting Hailey, or even frightening her but in the split second that she had felt a touch on her arm she had lost full control of her body. It had been an instinct to lash out at the intruder, to stop them before they could do any harm.

Rachel mentally kicked herself for letting feelings from her past overthrow her reasoning. She knew that no one would try and hurt her in the Cohen house. Not even Marsal had when he had payed her a visit what seemed like so long ago.

Off topic Rachel, she thought to herself.

Rachel looked over to Hailey who stood staring at her. "What's up?" She asked.

Hailey held out the houses portable phone to Rachel who simply gazed at it for a time before taking it. "It's for you."

Seth woke in a daze completely unsure as to how he came to be in his room, lying upon his bed. On his attempt to sit up a sudden wave of pain pounded through his head and his hands shot up, tangling in his hair to try and relieve the pain. He felt a familiar touch on his back and chest, easing him back down onto the bed.

"Shh baby, just take it easy," Rachel murmured as she knelt beside him on the bed.

Seth's eyes were wide in confusion. "What's going on?" He stammered.

"You're sick," she whispered running her fingers through his hair. "You just need some rest."

Seth tossed his head from side to side. "No, I have to do things. Big day."

Rachel frowned at his sudden actions and placed her palm to his forehead. "God, you're burning up."

"I'm fine. Fine, fine, fine."

Rachel raised her eyebrows at his comment. "No you're not."

Seth looked up at Rachel and his forefinger traced the delicate line of her jaw. "You'll make me better," he said. "You always make me better."

Rachel put on a weak smile trying to mask the hurt within her eyes from hearing Seth talking about how she affected him as though they were still together. "You just have to help me."

As quickly as she could Rachel began to unbutton Seth's shirt only stopping when she felt him flinch. Looking up Rachel pulled back slightly hoping that he would put aside what had happened between them for long enough for her to be able to help him.

"Déjà vu," was all that Seth said.

Rachel raised an eyebrow amused by his comment. With his help she was able to rid him of the clothing. She purposefully tried to divert her eyes from Seth's bare chest as she took a damp cloth Sandy had given her and began to cool his face.

Seth's eyes closed from the sensation and Rachel took in a long breath to try and calm her heart as it beat frantically in her chest. Working down to his chest Rachel ran her hand through Seth's hair in an attempt to calm him and speed up the process. She wanted to move away from him as quick as possible. It was pure torture being so close.

Finally being satisfied that Seth's temperature had dropped back to the normal level Rachel turned to place the cloth on the bedside table before she felt a hand on her wrist.

"Don't go," Seth whispered.

Rachel turned back and looked into Seth's pleading eyes hoping that he was not aware of what he was doing to her at that moment. "Get some sleep," she finally replied. "I'm right here."

Seth held her gaze for a long moment before he removed his hand. Safe in Rachel's care, he closed his eyes and soon found himself lost in the world of dreams.

Rachel ran her hands though her short locks wanting to pull them from her scalp as she did. Her head pounded violently and her eyes burned from a lack of much needed sleep.

She had been awake for a good 36 hours watching Seth as he slept, tossing and turning, fighting off unwanted dreams. On the rare occasion that he did wake it was she who calmed him, lying by his side, stroking his face until the sleep again took him.

It had been hours since Sandy had last walked into the room, bidding her goodnight and asking her to retire to the bed he had set up for her. But though her body longed for it, the sleep refused to come. Out of the simple fact that she was fighting it, or, more importantly, that her mind wouldn't let her, Rachel resisted the urge to curl up beside Seth and give in to her tired body.

So she sat there, in the single sofa trying desperately to ignore the throbbing pain behind her eyes and the complete lack of strength which her body possessed.

Tucking her knees up to her chin Rachel gazed over at Seth's sleeping form and watched as his chest rose and fell slowly. She recalled the last time that they had been together, what seemed like so long ago. How he had followed her through the school halls, wanting so badly to redeem himself. How he'd looked into her eyes with so much emotion that she felt her heart physically break as she walked away from him.

Everything was so different now. It wasn't like last time when she was the one with the burden to carry, now she had to watch the people she loved battling against the world she once – and still did.

Rachel ran her fingers over the tattoo which ran down her hipbone. A single word which she had always felt hanging over her head like a plague. A reminder that no matter how far she run, her past would always catch up. The scars she once had along her stomach had now practically faded. Healing at a rapid speed but the emotional damage had been done, never to be erased.

She was well aware that Seth knew she still had sleeps plagued with nightmares of her past. Waking up shaking she would make the excuse of being cold even on the hottest of nights just so she could feel Seth's arms around her, holding her tight.

That was all Rachel wanted now, to simply feel what she had when Seth and Ryan had been themselves. It was not only the feeling of being protected but also of unconditional love. They would always do anything in their power to see that she was not harmed.

Even as she sat there now with the desperate need for sleep, Rachel still couldn't bring herself to give into the urge. She refused to close her eyes out of fear that something would happen that she was not aware of. Not only to Seth, but to her entire life.

So there she remained, in the darkened corner of the foreign room, watching the night sky beyond the windowpane and all the while closely listening to Seth's breathing as he slept only meters away.

When Seth awoke the next morning his entire body was filled with a dull ache, though nowhere even close to the strength it had been in previous days. His strength had returned now and it only took him a moment to recall pieces of the previous hours. Glimpses of consciousness flashed before his eyes. Mind tainted with confusion. A body feeling the impact of the stress it had endured. He recalled the doctors eyes staring at him. The icy touch of his instruments against his flesh. But there was something else as well, a warm presence.

Seth let out a silent breath and finally opened his eyes to the dimly lit room around him. Staring up at the ceiling above him, it came as no surprise when the thought of how much he missed his old room crossed Seth's mind. This place was a house, tall and proud upon the ocean shore, but it was not home.

Letting his gaze travel around the room Seth took in the details in a very reluctant fashion. Off-white walls, grey floors, though not the most attractive of combinations somehow they still managed to…

The breath caught in Seth's throat as he eyes fell on the figure sitting quietly in the corner. Head in their hands, fingers tangled in their light blonde hair, it took him only a moment to realise that this was the warmth he had felt.

As Rachel freed her hands, dropping them uselessly into her lap with a sigh, Seth closed his eyes again and feigned sleep. Watching her through his lashes Seth drank in Rachel's features once again not knowing how he had gone such a time without them. Her eyes were tinted with a slight red from obvious lack of sleep and almost appeared darker to him. She rubbed at them furiously and Seth watched as her head tilted back and she took in a long breath trying desperately to stay awake.

"Get some sleep," Seth whispered as he continued to eye her.

Rachel didn't turn to him, didn't even flinch for she was well aware that he was no longer sleeping simply because his breathing had become shallow. After an entire night of listening to it, it came as no surprise that she could identify when Seth was indeed resting and when he wasn't.

"Can't," Rachel murmured, her head still back against the wall behind her.

Seth frowned at her reply. "You look like a wreck."

Rachel almost laughed but managed to remain straight-faced. "Love you too," she said bluntly.

A moment of silence passed over them where both teens became lost in their own little worlds of thought. Seth continued to gaze at Rachel and before he could stop himself he began to rise from the bed.

"Seth, stop being a pain in the ass and get back into bed," Rachel insisted though her voice seemed uninterested.

Moving over Seth knelt before Rachel, noticing how her eyes closed as he did, as though she were trying to convince herself that he wasn't there. Seth remained for a time watching Rachel as she let out a long breath and focused her eyes on the window across the room.

"Right now," he began. "I'm making it my personal duty to be your pain in the ass because I'm worried about you Rach." Seth could see that she was taking in his words and continued. "I'm not leaving until I get you out of this chair and into that bed."

Rachel smirked at the comment and willed herself not to laugh, though when it came to Seth, that always proved to be a challenge.

Seth knelt there thinking about what he had just said and couldn't help the comical expression, which appeared, on his face. "And I meant that in the most non-sexual way possible."

"Sure," Rachel replied with the most obviously unconvinced tone she could muster.

Seth let out a sigh. "Look, Rach…"

"Seth," she suddenly said cutting him off and for the first time in what seemed like forever actually looking into his eyes. "Can we not?"

Nodding his head Seth took in her words. "Okay, whatever you want."

Rachel looked at him strongly and even in the minimal light available in the room, he could still see the emotions in her eyes. "Don't," was the only word she said in response.

"Fine," Seth replied. "But either way I'm hauling someone's ass into that bed whether they like it or not."

Rachel stared at Seth as he rose from his spot and stood shirt-less before her. Under normal circumstances he would have been quick to conver up with a female in the room, but this was Rachel and their relationship had taken them far beyond that long ago.

She couldn't stand what he was doing. Pretending that everything was fine between them, that they now had a workable friendship. It was as though everything which had happened meant nothing to Seth and hadn't affected him even in the slightest.

Finally Rachel spoke. "Good," she said standing as well and looking up at Seth with a slight anger in her voice. "Haul your own ass in because I'm suddenly not feeling all that tired." Moving to leave, her way was blocked by Seth as he stepped into her tracks. "Move Seth."

Seth shook his head. "No, see I can't do that because I know you're upset with me and I want to know why."

Rachel laughed then. "You wanna know why?"

Seth looked at her sadly. "Yes."

Rachel nodded her head in contemplation. "Okay, I'll tell you why," she began. "I haven't slept in nearly two days. I've been sitting here in that chair watching you because every time you wake up I'm so scared that it'll be the last time." Rachel ran a hand through her hair in frustration as she continued. "You keep sending me these mixed signals. First you want me there, then suddenly you don't and now it's like you've forgotten everything that's happened up until this point." Rachel took a step forward so that barely half a foot was between her and Seth and she stared up at him. "So yeah, I'm mad at you," she continued. "Mostly because you're treating me like some toy that you can pack away when you don't want to play with it. Well guess what Cohen, I'm not."

Seth stood shocked for a moment taking in Rachel's words. He didn't understand what she was talking about and yet, somewhere deep inside he felt a pang of guilt for how he had treated her. This was a girl who had every right to hate him for what he had done. What he had put her through.

For no apparent reason he had broken the bond which they shared with very little difficulty. It came as a complete shock to him that Rachel was even there now, and that she had been for many hours, watching over him. But at the same time this didn't surprise Seth for he knew her heart and he knew how she could care for people. How she could care for him.

"You know what?" Seth finally spoke nodding to himself. "You're right. You're completely right. I've been a jerk and I've treated you badly and I had absolutely no right to do that." He looked at Rachel for a long moment with saddened eyes. "I'm sorry."

Rachel simply stared at Seth as he spoke. He just didn't get it. Here she was, still looking after him when he specifically told her he didn't want her in his life and it was as though it didn't matter. That everything he did to her could be made right again so easily. He thought that some meet ups at school and phone calls with no words would actually help.

"Forgive me?" Seth asked.

Rachel took one look at his outstretched arms, meaning to bring a friendly hug before she forced her way past him and out the door.

The phone never tired of ringing even when Rachel up and left the room hoping to find some peace. Her head was still throbbing violently and it was as though, with every step she took, the world blurred.

She tried to block the maddening ringing from her mind but even as her thoughts drifted away from the phone she could still hear the tone within her subconscious. A never-ending stream of shrills resonating through her head.

Rachel knew who it was that was calling. She knew what they wanted and what they would say. Part of her mind tried to coax her into answering just to be able to hear the caller's voice again. To listen to them speak to her in the tone they always had when trying to redeem themselves.

But the sane part of her told her to run. To escape from the inevitable pain that would come with picking up the receiver and speaking. Rachel had been subjected to enough suffering in her life to know that it only made matters worse. Only increased the odds of never recovering.

She looked at her backpack sitting upon the sofa, and thought about the contents within it for a time. They could bring her an out. A way to escape for a few hours until she returned. They could bring relief.

Rachel moved over to the bag and looked inside it quickly. She suddenly heard the answering machine beep over and a familiar voice begin to speak.

"Rach, it's me,"

Seth's words clouded Rachel's mind to the point where she felt she would collapse. She tried to ignore them and roughly zipped up her bag.

"I know you probably hate me right now and don't want to listen to anything I have to say but…I can't just leave things like this between us."

Rachel ran upstairs to her room quickly and picked up her cell-phone and house keys before walking back into the kitchen.

"Things have been crazy lately and I think it would be good for me…I mean you…I mean us, if we talked. Really talked."

Throwing both her keys and cell into the front pocket of her bag Rachel called out to Hailey that she was going out for a while and would be back later.

"So um…let me know what you think…okay? Alright…bye."

The message ended and Rachel walked out the front door, slamming it shut behind her.

TO BE CONTINUED………

(OMG I am sooooo sorry that this has taken so long to post but I have been flat out busy for so long. I know it was a little shorter than most chapters but I did the best I could. Next chapter sees Sandy and Kirsten confronting their problems, Ryan trying to rejoin the Cohen family and a not so friendly visit which leaves Rachel in a very bad position. Please review)

Kitotterkat: I totally agree, this had been my favourite story too. I was actually pretty worried when I first started writing cos I didn't have many ideas but things have really started to take shape and I know exactly where I'm going with it. And yeah, this story is definitely more about family and how important it is in these peoples lives. Its great to hear you're enjoying reading it. Haha, I'm sorry I'm just having fun cos of what you said about thinking Rachel would be okay cos Ryan was there and then oops he's not. I did that on purpose cos I think she was feeling the same way too. It was the whole 'well Seth is gone but I still have my brother'. But I think that this time although Rachel is already breaking up she will fight a lot harder. She more in a space now of just shutting off everything that has happened. It's almost like when the emotions are so great that you don't even feel them. Rachel actually pretty much summed up why Ryan was leaving by commenting on him trying to save Marissa cos he didn't want to have to admit that she had the same problem as Dawn. Ryan was without a doubt affected hugely by their mothers drinking and when he sees those same things in Marissa the warning signs start flashing and he tries to be the hero. You made an interesting comment about not many people being like Ryan and Rachel. Did you mean in the sense of their relationship or what happens in their lives? It's really good that you can identify and relate to the characters decisions cos it means to can empathise with them a lot more. Thanks for the review

Sleepinbeauty: Omg your review had me laughing so hard. Lol. Evil librarians! I swear a prerequisite to be a librarian is to be a grumpy bitch. I know a hell of a lot of them. No I don't watch House so I can assure you it's not a conspiracy that both that and the chapter made you get all choked up. Lol. I loved writing the phone conversation. It was so clear in my mind too. I mean most scenes are but some it's a lot harder to get a visual. I could see everything with this and I knew it was important to have in there cos it was the whole they're only just out of reach of each other moment. Eliza Dushku huh? That's interesting. I've never really thought about her as a Rachel, I think just cos she's a lot darker, more mysterious, plus I have this whole image of Faith kicking vampire ass, which doesn't really help. We have an understanding! Oh there is a God! And yes, the death threats have been rolling in. Lol. But yeah, it is essential for Seth and Rachel and all the other characters to go through times where they can grow and change by themselves. Everyone does it, it's just cos it's a story with characters we love that everyone hates it. So thanks for the review, and now you've learnt that cutting class only succeeds in getting you the evil eyes. HAHA. I'm sorry. It's just so funny. I don't even know you but I'm getting you into trouble. Lol. Cya.

Meezardra: Stop making you cry? I have no intention of making you cry when I write this! Believe me I don't sit there thinking 'hmm, now how can I make this thoughroughly depressing?' lol. And you're gonna have to wait and see what happens. P

Queen Isa: Thank you thank you. Lol, so many questions! I'm going crazy. I can tell you one thing…Steve will pop up again in upcoming chapters and with a very very big twist. What that twist is, I'm not gonna say, but it will be the –how can I put it? – catalyst for a whole stack of other things.

Leentje: Again with the sadness, damn you'd think that you people think I like to make people cry. Lol. I swear I don't. Yeah it does seem that every male abandons Rachel huh. They come running from all angles and then disappear. But yes, be patient. Calm and deep breaths. Lol.

Victoria87: Hello! I think it was more that you got hooked rather than me keeping you interested. Lol. You wanna know where I get the music? I pretty much look up bands that I know, and ones who I know always have good lyrics. Then I pretty much search related bands, singers etc. I'm the hugest fan of (just to give em a plug.lol) They have pretty much all the music you could want. But seriously, it's hard work. I spend hours looking up albums and singles and everything I can think of to try and find the words that are perfect, and sometimes I get it right, sometimes I get it way wrong. Yeah, Rachel knows what she's talking about you have to give her that. I think her identifying Trey in Ryan was also a way of her actually trying to convince him that he was doing something stupid. Ryan and Trey don't have the greatest relationship and Ryan isn't blind when it comes to knowing that Trey, in some respects, ain't a good guy. Thank you for thinking I stay true to the character. Believe me, it's harder than it looks. Especially writing dramatic scenes with Seth because let's face it, he's an idiot. A goofy, witty, idiot. Lol. Yes, Rachel is pretty dependent on other people, but I think at the same time she is also very independent. Obviously lately she's been thrown into situations where I think any of us would freak out with. I mean, she lost her 'father' (Sandy), her boyfriend, her brother and she also found out that her real father actually exists. Her life is like a soap opera. I think that if she was able to gain independence through something positive than that would do her good. Rachel does need help, of course she does. Cutting is the universal symbol for 'I need help'. And what is so sad about it though is that she knows that she has to be strong on the outside because that's who she's always been. She might be dying inside but in her mind people aren't allowed to see that, mostly because it's not who she has made herself out to be. I don't think Seth was surprised when he found out because to be honest, I think he knew that she never really got better. I think she's still hanging onto this hope that Seth will come back and that her and Ryan will sort things out. Hmm…interesting question….who would I cast as Rachel? To tell you the truth I have no idea. Certainly no famous actors that I can think of. Her appearance is based on a girl at my school but her personality is a mixture of a lot of people that I know. It would have to be someone who I thought could really stay true to her, because speaking truthfully, she is a real character and person – or people. Thanks for the review!