A/N: One thing first before I get down to 'splainin' :) The rate at which
I'm currently posting chapters is manifestly absurd. I am a college
student, for God's sake. But I am on Fall Break right now and am ahead in
my homework, so I have the time. Just don't get used to it :)
Ok, answers to reviews:
skullfarmer: Thank you muchly! And no, the end will not be sad. Damn, I should not have said that. Oh, well, a hopeless romantic like me..... I said fluffy, didn't I?
Xela: Thanks, much appreciated :)
Alois: Thanks so much!
Kala: Yes, poor Dumbledore. Bad Minerva. But just stay tuned. As to where she'll go, just read on. And no, I won't tell what's wrong with her, at least not yet.
HPluvva: What did he mean? Well, he was just reminding her what she had done. She wanted a clean break, and he was making sure she knew what that meant. "Don't look back" means that he hopes she hasn't done something she'll regret later. And the title. Well, it's a line from the last verse of "Amazing Grace," and it goes like this: "When we've been there ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun/ We've no less days to sing God's praise then when we first begun." In this case it's a metaphor for the relationship between Albus and Minerva. It's been stuck in the same place for what feels like ten thousand years because they think they have all the time in the world. They both know how the other feels, but they're not teenagers, and they realize that they have other responsibilities that take priority; they're content with the way things are now. I suppose I could have made them fall in love during the story, but somehow I don't see either of them, especially Dumbledore, suddenly falling for someone they've known and worked with for years.
Whisper: He isn't convinced by what she said; he knows she's lying, but the fact that she said it is what subdues him. He knows she knows how he feels, and she's throwing it aside, not only saying that it doesn't matter, but that it doesn't even exist, simply to make it a tiny bit easier for her to leave. He was testing how far she'd go, and once he got his answer, he saw how useless it would be to say anything more. He was hurt, and he had nothing left to say that would rival what she did; he would have been cheapening his feelings for her if he'd tried to contradict her. About the spell: sheesh, that's a good point. I hadn't thought of that. Well, I'll try to pick up the pieces in this chapter. The part about the spell destroying her is supposed to be vague..... "destruction" can mean a lot of things: death, insanity, emotional ruin, or turning to evil, to name just a few. In this case, it could mean any or all of the above, not in that order, of course :) And I don't mind the length of your reviews, in fact, constructive criticism is the best thing. "More More More" (as you put it) is nice, but it's also nice to have a bit more to go on. Thanks a bunch!
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the people, places or things in this story. That privilege belongs exclusively to the lovely J. K. Rowling, as I'm sure you're all aware.
Minerva sat in the train, fidgeting in her seat. She was too weak now to Apparate, but this hardly seemed a better alternative. It was slow, irritatingly loud and..... it contained Severus Snape. What the hell? What was he doing here? She decided to ignore him and extricated a worn, dog-eared spellbook from her bag. She was determined to find that spell Albus had mentioned and drown her emotions in her intellectual curiosity. She found he was right about her, but what kind of school would be charmed to trap people, to refuse to let them choose their lives for themselves? And then she read the fine print. The spell only bound you to the school if you had chosen it first, if it was your world. She was frozen for a moment in fear for Harry; the school was his world-- what would it do when he graduated? When her racing heart had calmed itself again, she realized that Harry was different. The spell must know what his work would be, how necessary it would become for him to leave in order to fight the school's battles for it. Surely the spell would not harm its champion? Worrying about Harry was like worrying about a boulder being hurt by the waves crashing against it.
She closed the book briefly and saw the shadow shift in the corner. Ignoring him seemed to work well; he assumed she hadn't seen him in the blackness at the back of the compartment, but he had forgotten her cat's sense of smell. Something she was now regretting exercising in his direction. She shuffled around in her mind, desperately looking for something to divert her attention. Her subconscious, ever traitorous, churned up the image of Albus Dumbledore as she had last seen him, his back bent with the effort of hiding the wounds her words had caused him. Her eyes chimed in with their acquiescence, shooting angry tears down her cheeks. She wiped them away quickly, furious that she had allowed herself the luxury of weeping twice in one day, especially when both times had been outside the privacy of her chambers. She hadn't even cried when Harry had come to see her, although she had felt tears threatening more than once in the course of that evening.
She began to pass the time by shooting a poisonous hatred as sharp as the points of arrows at herself, but she could not smother a crashing, fiery anger, anger at him for putting her in that position, for making her hurt him. If he had only given in before..... before she had done *that*. But what did it matter now? She would die, he would live. That was the way she would have preferred it, anyhow. For a long time, she had been dreading the day he would leave her, dreading the sight of his still form without an ounce of breath left in it. And she would never have to face it. For one moment after she had discovered her fate, in the second before the pain and the grief set in, she was blissfully happy in the knowledge that in her eyes he would always remain as he truly was. *I don't deserve him,* she thought. *I'm so selfish. I can't conceive why anyone should care for me.* She had just managed to erase the flow of self-disgust and sorrow from her eyes and posture when one shadow rose out of the dusk in the far corner and sat down in front of her, scowling out at the countryside.
"What *are* you doing here?" she asked petulantly.
"Orders from Dumbledore."
"He sent you to *spy* on me?"
Snape snorted in disbelief. "One for two, Professor. Amazing accuracy. Whether you choose to believe it or not, I have more important people to spy on than snivelling women."
Minerva bristled, broiling anger rushing through her at having been seen in tears by this odious man. "Then why are you wasting your time on this chattering collection of bolts? You must have a very interesting travel agenda stashed somewhere that *doesn't* give any mention of harassing innocent, curious fellow travellers."
"Curiosity killed the cat," he replied smoothly, and so coldly that she made a move to throw him out the window, but thought better of it. After all, if Albus learned that she had jeopardized the life of his most valuable spy, she would have a lot of explaining to do, and she didn't fancy explaining her murderous instincts any more than she had her reasons for leaving. "Anyhow, it's difficult to travel incognito when you suddenly appear out of thin air under somebody's nose."
"I wouldn't advise you to spend any time directly under someone's nose," she retorted swiftly, "unless you want to get thrown in with the morning dustbin collection."
"And I'd advise you to keep your whiskers out of business that doesn't concern you. As I understand it, that is what you have chosen to do in any case," he taunted, "so why not include me in the wonderful little club of people you are planning to ignore?"
Minerva's head swivelled swiftly around to face him. Was it possible that he was trying to goad her into changing her mind? Ridiculous. She could believe this of Hagrid, or perhaps of Remus Lupin, but not Snape. He would be overjoyed to be rid of her..... but the fact remained that he had not stayed lurking in his corner; he had joined her and accepted all of the insults she would throw at him before they came. She had a sudden, wild urge to burst out laughing; the thought of Snape changing her mind where Albus had failed was so absurd. But then, *Snape* was nothing to her, whereas Albus.....
"Ah, it seems you've already begun," he added in a horribly superior tone as he noticed that she had become lost in her thoughts. "Good day, Professor," he said icily.
"Don't trip over your ego on the way out," she managed before he was gone and she was able to release the giggles that had been mounting up dangerously through the tail-end of their conversation. Was the universe so unholy, so perverse as to make Snape out to be her rescuer, her hero who would save her from herself? He had certainly made her laugh when she had never felt less like laughing in all the years of her life; not deliberately, but there it was.
She suddenly felt what a goose she had made of herself and realized very acutely the insignificance of her own pain. Snape was a greasy ball of slime, but he was willing to risk everything he was for what was right. She felt ashamed, and her shame doubled overwhelmingly as she remembered Albus' despair and Harry's concern. She was easing her own burden, true, but she was increasing theirs. No matter what she had said to Albus, she knew she had lied, and she would be extremely fortunate if he didn't slam the doors of Hogwarts in her face. But for the chance to pull the sting out of her last detestable words to him, to see joy in his face once more and to know that she had brought it there with the gift of her last precious moments of life..... she would risk it.
Ok, answers to reviews:
skullfarmer: Thank you muchly! And no, the end will not be sad. Damn, I should not have said that. Oh, well, a hopeless romantic like me..... I said fluffy, didn't I?
Xela: Thanks, much appreciated :)
Alois: Thanks so much!
Kala: Yes, poor Dumbledore. Bad Minerva. But just stay tuned. As to where she'll go, just read on. And no, I won't tell what's wrong with her, at least not yet.
HPluvva: What did he mean? Well, he was just reminding her what she had done. She wanted a clean break, and he was making sure she knew what that meant. "Don't look back" means that he hopes she hasn't done something she'll regret later. And the title. Well, it's a line from the last verse of "Amazing Grace," and it goes like this: "When we've been there ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun/ We've no less days to sing God's praise then when we first begun." In this case it's a metaphor for the relationship between Albus and Minerva. It's been stuck in the same place for what feels like ten thousand years because they think they have all the time in the world. They both know how the other feels, but they're not teenagers, and they realize that they have other responsibilities that take priority; they're content with the way things are now. I suppose I could have made them fall in love during the story, but somehow I don't see either of them, especially Dumbledore, suddenly falling for someone they've known and worked with for years.
Whisper: He isn't convinced by what she said; he knows she's lying, but the fact that she said it is what subdues him. He knows she knows how he feels, and she's throwing it aside, not only saying that it doesn't matter, but that it doesn't even exist, simply to make it a tiny bit easier for her to leave. He was testing how far she'd go, and once he got his answer, he saw how useless it would be to say anything more. He was hurt, and he had nothing left to say that would rival what she did; he would have been cheapening his feelings for her if he'd tried to contradict her. About the spell: sheesh, that's a good point. I hadn't thought of that. Well, I'll try to pick up the pieces in this chapter. The part about the spell destroying her is supposed to be vague..... "destruction" can mean a lot of things: death, insanity, emotional ruin, or turning to evil, to name just a few. In this case, it could mean any or all of the above, not in that order, of course :) And I don't mind the length of your reviews, in fact, constructive criticism is the best thing. "More More More" (as you put it) is nice, but it's also nice to have a bit more to go on. Thanks a bunch!
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the people, places or things in this story. That privilege belongs exclusively to the lovely J. K. Rowling, as I'm sure you're all aware.
Minerva sat in the train, fidgeting in her seat. She was too weak now to Apparate, but this hardly seemed a better alternative. It was slow, irritatingly loud and..... it contained Severus Snape. What the hell? What was he doing here? She decided to ignore him and extricated a worn, dog-eared spellbook from her bag. She was determined to find that spell Albus had mentioned and drown her emotions in her intellectual curiosity. She found he was right about her, but what kind of school would be charmed to trap people, to refuse to let them choose their lives for themselves? And then she read the fine print. The spell only bound you to the school if you had chosen it first, if it was your world. She was frozen for a moment in fear for Harry; the school was his world-- what would it do when he graduated? When her racing heart had calmed itself again, she realized that Harry was different. The spell must know what his work would be, how necessary it would become for him to leave in order to fight the school's battles for it. Surely the spell would not harm its champion? Worrying about Harry was like worrying about a boulder being hurt by the waves crashing against it.
She closed the book briefly and saw the shadow shift in the corner. Ignoring him seemed to work well; he assumed she hadn't seen him in the blackness at the back of the compartment, but he had forgotten her cat's sense of smell. Something she was now regretting exercising in his direction. She shuffled around in her mind, desperately looking for something to divert her attention. Her subconscious, ever traitorous, churned up the image of Albus Dumbledore as she had last seen him, his back bent with the effort of hiding the wounds her words had caused him. Her eyes chimed in with their acquiescence, shooting angry tears down her cheeks. She wiped them away quickly, furious that she had allowed herself the luxury of weeping twice in one day, especially when both times had been outside the privacy of her chambers. She hadn't even cried when Harry had come to see her, although she had felt tears threatening more than once in the course of that evening.
She began to pass the time by shooting a poisonous hatred as sharp as the points of arrows at herself, but she could not smother a crashing, fiery anger, anger at him for putting her in that position, for making her hurt him. If he had only given in before..... before she had done *that*. But what did it matter now? She would die, he would live. That was the way she would have preferred it, anyhow. For a long time, she had been dreading the day he would leave her, dreading the sight of his still form without an ounce of breath left in it. And she would never have to face it. For one moment after she had discovered her fate, in the second before the pain and the grief set in, she was blissfully happy in the knowledge that in her eyes he would always remain as he truly was. *I don't deserve him,* she thought. *I'm so selfish. I can't conceive why anyone should care for me.* She had just managed to erase the flow of self-disgust and sorrow from her eyes and posture when one shadow rose out of the dusk in the far corner and sat down in front of her, scowling out at the countryside.
"What *are* you doing here?" she asked petulantly.
"Orders from Dumbledore."
"He sent you to *spy* on me?"
Snape snorted in disbelief. "One for two, Professor. Amazing accuracy. Whether you choose to believe it or not, I have more important people to spy on than snivelling women."
Minerva bristled, broiling anger rushing through her at having been seen in tears by this odious man. "Then why are you wasting your time on this chattering collection of bolts? You must have a very interesting travel agenda stashed somewhere that *doesn't* give any mention of harassing innocent, curious fellow travellers."
"Curiosity killed the cat," he replied smoothly, and so coldly that she made a move to throw him out the window, but thought better of it. After all, if Albus learned that she had jeopardized the life of his most valuable spy, she would have a lot of explaining to do, and she didn't fancy explaining her murderous instincts any more than she had her reasons for leaving. "Anyhow, it's difficult to travel incognito when you suddenly appear out of thin air under somebody's nose."
"I wouldn't advise you to spend any time directly under someone's nose," she retorted swiftly, "unless you want to get thrown in with the morning dustbin collection."
"And I'd advise you to keep your whiskers out of business that doesn't concern you. As I understand it, that is what you have chosen to do in any case," he taunted, "so why not include me in the wonderful little club of people you are planning to ignore?"
Minerva's head swivelled swiftly around to face him. Was it possible that he was trying to goad her into changing her mind? Ridiculous. She could believe this of Hagrid, or perhaps of Remus Lupin, but not Snape. He would be overjoyed to be rid of her..... but the fact remained that he had not stayed lurking in his corner; he had joined her and accepted all of the insults she would throw at him before they came. She had a sudden, wild urge to burst out laughing; the thought of Snape changing her mind where Albus had failed was so absurd. But then, *Snape* was nothing to her, whereas Albus.....
"Ah, it seems you've already begun," he added in a horribly superior tone as he noticed that she had become lost in her thoughts. "Good day, Professor," he said icily.
"Don't trip over your ego on the way out," she managed before he was gone and she was able to release the giggles that had been mounting up dangerously through the tail-end of their conversation. Was the universe so unholy, so perverse as to make Snape out to be her rescuer, her hero who would save her from herself? He had certainly made her laugh when she had never felt less like laughing in all the years of her life; not deliberately, but there it was.
She suddenly felt what a goose she had made of herself and realized very acutely the insignificance of her own pain. Snape was a greasy ball of slime, but he was willing to risk everything he was for what was right. She felt ashamed, and her shame doubled overwhelmingly as she remembered Albus' despair and Harry's concern. She was easing her own burden, true, but she was increasing theirs. No matter what she had said to Albus, she knew she had lied, and she would be extremely fortunate if he didn't slam the doors of Hogwarts in her face. But for the chance to pull the sting out of her last detestable words to him, to see joy in his face once more and to know that she had brought it there with the gift of her last precious moments of life..... she would risk it.