THE LAST STAND
Lonely times and lonely tears
Will fade away when you disappear
The time is right for me to stray
I'm gonna find a better day
- Robbie Williams
Rachel walked into her room slamming the door shut behind her. She flung herself onto her bed and lay there; face buried in her pillow forcing back the tears, which threatened to claim her eyes. She wouldn't let him have the satisfaction of knowing that he'd made her cry. Not like last time.
Hearing the door lightly squeak as it was opened again Rachel let her mind fly away from reality into a place where she couldn't be touched. Where she didn't have to confront the person whom she knew was now standing over her.
But this world was shattered as she felt the bed shift and fingertips skim over the exposed flesh of her lower back. Jerking away she rolled onto her back and stared up blankly at the ceiling trying her best not to pay attention to her companion.
"You can't stay mad at me forever," they whispered.
"I can do whatever the hell I want," Rachel stated coldly.
A soft laugh was all that she received in reply and she soon climbed off the bed and walked to the other side of the room resting her head against the cool glass of her window. It occurred to her that to run from this person would be impossible. You could never run from him.
"Don't blame me for what happened."
Rachel had to consciously stop herself from lashing out at the glass before her, knowing full well that if AJ found out she had broken it there would be a lot worse consequences then those she would face if she confronted the person behind her.
"You could have killed her," Rachel murmured in reply.
He let out a long breath. "She would have killed herself before I got the chance." He walked up to her and ran his hands down Rachel's arms. "What's the big deal?"
Rachel spun around to face him, her eyes glaring daggers. "The big deal, hot shot is that she was innocent." He only smirked at her comment. "She was just some girl who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time." Rachel paused and looked deep into his eyes. "She could have been me."
Eyebrows rising at her statement he simply smiled. "She could never be as hot as…"
But before he had the chance to finish his sentence Rachel punched him square in the face. "You just don't give a damn, do you? Everything is parties and guns and sex. You never once think about what other people feel."
Anger dominated his face then and before she could react Rachel found herself pinned against a nearby wall and looking straight into his serious eyes. But she never once flinched. She knew he would never hit her. She knew that was the one thing he didn't have in him to do.
"I'm trying to be nice here girl," he spoke softly.
Rachel fought then, trying to push him away from her but only succeeded in having her arms pinned to the wall as well, his face dangerously close to hers. "You're an ass."
His eyes searched hers for a long time as if he was trying to find the key to her soul. "If I hadn't slammed her, she would've killed you," he said as though his words were a comfort. "And then me."
"I would have beaten her to it," Rachel snarled.
His eyes narrowed at her comment before he pushed off her and stood before her with barely three feet between them. Reaching to the back of his belt he produced a small, silver gun which was not unfamiliar to Rachel. Her eyes flicked from it back to him and grew slightly wide when he held it out to her.
"Go on," was all that he said.
When Rachel continued to simply stare at him he forced the gun into her hand roughly, watching as she took it against her will. He took a step back then, giving her some space and spread his arms wide.
"Do it."
Rachel looked at him in shock and went to drop the gun before he grabbed her hand, forcing her to wrap her finger around the trigger.
"Do it!" He yelled.
Hands shaking, she stared at the weapon in her hand before feeling him take a hold of her wrist and step closer, pressing his forehead against the end of the barrel and staring strongly at her.
"Just do it!"
Rachel could feel her body trembling all over. Her finger lay hard against the trigger. One more millimetre and…
"Come on Babe, you know you want too."
"Kurt…"
"Just pulled the God damn trigger!"
His eyes bored into her, daring her to look away, to scream, to cry. Daring her to fulfil her threat and kill him. If there was nothing else in what she said he challenged her to at least make this part true.
"Kurt…" Rachel could barely breathe. She could feel his finger pressing against the one she had on the trigger. "Please…"
Rachel shot awake as though an explosion had erupted in her mind. She looked around feeling slightly disorientated before realising that she was alone in the room she and Seth shared. She was only barely aware of the faint sound of the shower running next door.
The images of the gun played over and over in her mind. It hadn't been a dream. It had been reality. One, which she had almost forgotten existed, it was so long ago. The only things she recalled were Kurt's eyes as he stared almost defiantly at her. The feel of his hand wrapped around hers. The pressure of the trigger as…
"You're awake."
The voice startled Rachel and she jumped in shock before letting out a long breath. Seth walked up to the bed with only a towel wrapped around his waist and sat down beside her. His hair was damp, and droplets of water trickled down his chest as he tilted his head slightly, gazing at her.
"Did I scare you?"
Rachel closed her eyes for a moment. "Oh…" She shook her head. "Yeah…I just woke up."
She ran her fingers through her hair before noticing the raw cuts along her flesh. In all the feelings recalled by the dream she had completely forgotten about the night before. She'd sat there with the knife, tearing her skin open before…
Ryan, she thought staring at the wounds.
"Rach," Seth said softly before placing his hand lightly on her forearm, not wanting to hurt her. "Look at me." She reluctantly obeyed. "We're going to help you."
Rachel stared at him for a moment before giving a small, warm smile. She reached out a hand and ran it through Seth's hair, watching as it skimmed over his jaw before gliding down his chest. Her fingers traced the droplets of water, which scattered his flesh before she leaned in close.
"You already have," she whispered into his ear before kissing his cheek softly and rested her head in the crook of his neck. "I'm not asking for anything else."
Seth gazed at her, his eyes calming. "You don't have too."
"Ryan," Sandy said as he stepped into the pool house scanning the main room quickly. "You in here?"
Ryan stepped out from the bathroom running his fingers through his hair in an attempt to tame it slightly. "Yeah," he replied stepping down to meet Sandy. "What's up?"
Sandy offered him a seat. "Sit down," he said politely. "I was hoping we could have a talk."
Ryan looked at him suspiciously for a time before sitting down slowly, never letting his eyes leave Sandy's. "Is everything okay?"
"I was going to ask you the same thing."
Ryan didn't like the way Sandy was looking at him. He had seen it many times when the Cohen was addressing his son, and knew something Seth didn't think he did. There was something about that possibility that made Ryan just a little uneasy.
"I'm fine," Ryan answered cautiously.
"And Rachel?"
Ryan frowned. "Okay. Why are you asking me this?"
Sandy took in a deep breath and sat down in front of Ryan. "I have been talking to a friend in the police force," he began.
The statement alone made Ryan's heart sink. Ideas began to flood his mind of every possible thing which may have happened and that would need Sandy to get in contact with a cop.
"I was hoping I would be able to offer you something that might help…a little if anything."
Ryan stared at Sandy for a time as he felt his heart return to its normal speed.
Okay, so no bad news, he thought relieved.
"What kind of offer?" Ryan asked.
Sandy went quiet as though trying to determine how exactly he would present the information. "Having Steve arrested."
Ryan sat stunned for what seemed to him like hours. He simply remained there, barely moving, barely breathing as everything sunk in. He had the chance to finally get justice. To have Steve pay for all of the wrongs which he had committed and in turn all of the hurts which he had directed not only at Ryan, but at Rachel and Trey as well.
A sudden onset of emotions collapsed onto Ryan as he felt his whole life twist around and flash before his minds eye. Everything which had meant pain, suffering. Not knowing where his father was or when he would be coming home. Always wondering what Rachel's life would have been like if she just had the chance to see his face once. Wondering what there life would have been like if he was in it.
And then there was his appearance. After so many years of trials and triumphs without him anywhere in sight. It was then that Ryan had realised what his life would have been. It just would have had a different kind of disappointment in it. No wondering what his father was like. He would have been wishing he would change.
"You don't have to answer straight away," Sandy continued watching as Ryan took in the news. "But my friend and I have been having conversations and he knows that there is enough evidence, and motive to have Steve arrested and charged for what he has done." There was a long pause. "I know this must be hard for you Ryan, especially after everything which has happened in the past few months but I seriously want you to consider it. If not for you then for Rachel." Sandy let out a sigh. "Now you know that Kirsten and I will support you in any choice that you make. I want you to know that. You're a part of this family and we consider you to be our son but we also know that you've had another family and you still have connections with them. That's why we aren't deciding for you."
Ryan didn't look at Sandy when he asked. "How long will he be away for?"
Sandy scrunched up his nose. "Depending on the specific charges, anywhere from two to eight years."
Ryan nodded slowly. "How long do I have to tell you?"
"As long as you need," Sandy reassured. "But I suggest you don't take too long because the longer you take to decide the harder it will be to guarantee that Steve is still in Newport."
Ryan took in a few long breaths. "I'm gonna have to talk to Rachel."
Sandy nodded in reply. "Take your time with her. I know this is hard for both of you.
"Come on Coop hurry up!" Summer called from Marissa's lounge. "Do we have like all day…? No!"
Marissa came hurrying down the stairs then in a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt. Summer only stared at her, one hand firmly on her hip and both eyebrows raised.
"What do you think you're doing?" She demanded.
Marissa smiled slightly. "I wasn't really planning on going shopping today."
"What!"
"I'm sorry Sum but there's something else I was hoping to take care of because it's really important."
Summer crossed her arms and huffed. "What could be more important than like shopping?"
Marissa looked down for a time having to bite her tongue and not say anything about Summer's shallow comment. She wasn't entirely sure wether or not she was comfortable telling her exactly what she had in mind for the day, but then again, she was her best friend.
"I was going over to the Cohen's," Marissa answered.
Summer rolled her eyes. "Ryan can totally wait."
Marissa shook her head. "No, not to see Ryan. I need to talk to Rachel."
It was then that a complete silence swept over the room and Summer's face showed utter shock. She knew that things had been rough between Marissa and Rachel for an extremely long time now. However, despite this, Summer also knew that if anything, Rachel needed to be given the time for her and Ryan to make up, and also to patch things up with Seth.
"Coop, sweetie, sit down," Summer said pointing to the sofa nearby. Marissa obeyed. "Now you know I love you and I would like totally support anything that you do but…"
"But…?"
"You can't go over to the Cohen's."
"Why not?"
Summer took in a breath and sat across from Marissa. "I know Rachel like really well now and I know Seth and…well…I don't really know Ryan but you get where I'm like going right?"
"Not really," Marissa answered.
"They all like need a breather, you know? A time out for a bit just to you know, get over everything." Summer thought for a moment. "If you want to jump back onto the friendship bandwagon give it like some time."
Marissa stared at Summer for a moment, knowing deep down that she was right but still not wanting to admit to it. She couldn't stand the thought that she and Rachel would never be friends again, not after how well they used to get along. And not after what she did to her and Ryan…
"Coop, things will totally get better. They just need time."
Rachel trudged down the stairs later that afternoon hoping that no one would notice her presence and she would be able to leave the house in peace. This thought was shattered however, when she spotted Ryan standing in the standing in the kitchen.
Quickening her pace, Rachel ducked into the hallway and was making her way to the door when she heard the inevitable…her name being called. Not wanting to face her brother Rachel ignored the attempt to get her attention.
"Rach…"
Ryan wrapped a strong hand around her arm to make Rachel stop in her tracks. The plan worked, however, the response he received was a small cry of pain and Rachel tearing her arm away.
"God dammit," she hissed through her teeth not looking up to see Ryan's face dawn with realisation.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to…" Ryan began but before he had the chance to finish Rachel had walked out the front door. "Where are you going?" he asked running after her again. "Rach wait!"
When he finally caught up to her, Ryan jumped in front of his sister preventing another escape. He looked at her closely as her eyes cast downward and looked to the ground between them.
Ryan wasn't really sure what to say. He knew he couldn't open the conversation with a simple 'we're gonna throw our father in jail', not after everything that had happened between them. After everything he'd done.
He knew that Rachel was uneasy having him back in her life, trying to be the brother he should have been, but Ryan knew that at the end of the day she really had no choice in the matter. Eventually Rachel would have to accept the fact that something had happened between them, and they had to work it out. That thought made Ryan halt for a moment.
How do I know it's not me that has to move on? He thought.
All along he had just assumed that it was Rachel who was in need of a good get-over-it talk, but in that second Ryan realised something that he hadn't considered before. What if it was him that was making this so hard? What if, after all this, he stopped their relationship from getting back to normal?
Reaching out slowly Ryan tilted Rachel's chin up so that her eyes were level with his. A long silence swept over the pair as they simply looked at each other, and yet didn't really see what was standing right before them.
"Why are you following me?" Rachel asked, her voice soft.
Ryan gazed closely at her, letting his hand fall away. "Why are you running away?"
"I'm not running," Rachel replied. "I'm walking."
Ryan let out a long sigh knowing that this wasn't going to be easy and blaming himself entirely for that. After what he'd witnessed the previous night, it was only natural that Rachel would want to pull away from him, even if she'd moved further than he ever thought possible.
"We need to talk," he finally stated.
Rachel looked up at her brother for a long moment as though tossing up her options. "I don't wanna talk," she replied.
"I wasn't giving you a choice." The sternness in Ryan's voice even surprised him and he noticed how Rachel took half a step back, away from him. "This is serious. I could make the decision myself but I thought maybe you'd want in on it too."
Rachel stared at her brother defiantly, not wanting to let on that he'd actually scared her slightly with the coldness of his reply.
"In on what?"
Rachel waited until Sandy and Kirsten seemed occupied with the policeman before she slipped through the side gate and hurried into the back garden hoping that she would find what she was looking for. Find what Steve had taken. It almost crossed her mind that neither Ryan nor Seth had noticed her departure until she heard faint footsteps behind her.
"Rach, what the hell are you doing?" Ryan demanded.
Rachel's eyes fell upon the basement trapdoor – just what she wanted. "He said it would be down here," she replied and with only a slight hesitation reached down and swung the unlocked door open.
"What's down there?" Ryan asked taking a hold of her wrist to stop her movement. "We have to get back Rach."
But Rachel wasn't hearing it. "I have to get it back," she whispered desperately.
"What?" Ryan inquired confused. "Get what back?"
Rachel paused for a moment squinting into the darkness of the room below the house. Before she knew what she was doing Rachel had thrown her legs over the edge of the opening and began to descend the stairs.
"Do you remember the bracelet Trey gave me for my 8th birthday?" She asked hearing Ryan following her down.
"Yeah, why?"
Rachel used her senses to navigate her way down the stairs. "The bastard took it at the gym," she said. "I was so knocked out of it I didn't realise until later."
"How do you know it's here?"
"Ryan," Rachel said harshly spinning to confront him. "I know."
Rachel turned back around and finally found her feet firmly planted on the ground. She could feel her heart beating rapidly in her chest and clenched her hands together slightly. But soon they were thrown into complete darkness when Ryan closed the trap door behind them.
Both of them stood completely still almost expecting to feel the first strike or hear a firearm go off. But nothing happened and as they stood frozen Rachel felt the darkness almost burning at her eyes as she strained to see anything.
Suddenly a blazing light illuminated overhead causing them both to shield their eyes and turn away.
"Found the light," Ryan said almost sheepishly as he tapped the switch with his finger.
As they looked around it came as no surprise that where they stood was a typical basement. Odds and ends stood upon tables and bundles of trinkets not needed for the house sat in piles beside the walls. Ryan allowed his eyes to wonder around the room constantly being braced to grab his sister and run if something were to go wrong. Above them they could hear the faint footsteps of the officer walking through the house and Ryan watched Rachel look up as though she could see through the ceiling.
"You couldn't have been more specific about where the bracelet was?" Ryan asked bluntly as his gaze travelled over the various objects.
Rachel remained silent however, and instead had her eyes cast a little way away to a box which lay open on the floor. Frowning slightly she walked over to the container and almost in slow motion lifted the first thing which she could reach. She felt her heart begin to beat wildly in her chest, the air her lungs begged for so hard to reach. For what she held in her hands was something which would change everything she had ever believed.
It was a picture of her.
She remembered the picture, she was barely ten years old when it was taken and Rachel recalled it as though it were yesterday. But something she also recalled was why the picture was so familiar to her. It was one that Ryan had kept sitting beside his bed back in Chino.
A realisation suddenly dawned on the young Atwood and she could feel her hands begin to shake as she knelt beside the box and began to sift through its contents. There were more photos, some of her, some of Ryan, even some of Trey. The more she looked at them the more she realised that each and every one of them she had seen before. She knew them all.
Then something caught her eye. About half way down the depth of the box Rachel saw what could have only been a letter. Sitting folded amongst the objects she picked it up and unfolded it feeling her throat tighten at the thought that what she was thinking might be true. Rachel froze when phrases began to flash before her eyes.
I've left Chino and taken Rachel with me. I don't know when Trey is getting out. I can't deal with Ryan any more so he's gone to Orange County with a foster family. I know Ryan will never forgive me for taking Rachel but I don't care. We'll be back soon. Just after he gets out of town and gives up looking for us. So this is my last letter.
Rachel knew the handwriting, she knew the language, and she knew the signed name all too well. Dawn. But there was something else. Something she had said. This is my last letter…
Rachel suddenly threw the box upside down sending the contents within crashing to the floor. Photo's scattered around her, ones from years gone by. And more letters. They floated to the ground almost in slow motion, taunting her before falling lifelessly to the floor. Frantically reading through them Rachel felt her dread rising.
Ryan is five now and keeps asking where his father is. Trey is telling him stories, turning him against you. But he's showing him pictures. He gave him a few to keep. Ryan looks at them every day. Can't blame the bastard, what else is he going to do? I've decided not to tell Rachel anything when she starts asking. Neither will the boys.
And rising…
Ryan's taken Rachel to Orange County with him. I dunno if she'll come back. Ungrateful bitch.
And rising…
I know they're going to Vegas. I stole photo's Rachel had sent to Theresa of her and Ryan and the family they live with. Also got some details. Not much though.
"That bitch," Rachel whispered catching Ryan's attention.
"What?" He asked turning from the box of trinkets he was looking through and receiving no reply. "Rach, what is it?"
"She told him everything," Rachel managed sifting through the pictures and almost choking on the words when she found one of her and Seth. "Sent him photo's."
Ryan walked toward her then, slowly allowing his eyes to come to focus on the contents of the cardboard box. Though he felt an incredible build up of emotions at the revelation of what their mother had done, he couldn't help but almost not care. He had expected something to have been up from the moment he layed eyes on their father just over five months ago in Las Vegas.
Ryan recalled his feelings when he had seen Steve standing so close to Rachel, obviously knowing exactly who she was and yet still playing along with his little game. Pure hatred had racked Ryan's bones. Remembering all the stories that Trey had told him. Remembering all the things Dawn had told him. And remembering the picture. The one thing which was his connection with his father. He would never forget that face.
Rachel shook her head in annoyance that she hadn't realised earlier what was going on. "They had it all worked out," she said without a hint of disbelief in her words. "What did they expect from this? We were never gonna go anywhere with him after what he did."
Ryan listened to Rachel's words, knowing that she was speaking from a place deep inside. "I guess they wanted to try."
Rachel laughed then, cold and bitter and stood from her spot, kicking the box as she did. "The sad thing is, it doesn't surprise me." She shook her head allowing her eyes to sweep across the room. "This whole thing was a lie. He never cared."
"I think he might have," Ryan spoke softly.
"What?"
"Maybe at the beginning he did." Ryan's words were spoken as though he were trying to convince himself and not Rachel. "It was only so long until he went back to how he used to be."
Rachel looked at him for a moment. "No," she said moving back slightly and turning to inspect a black curtain which hung in the corner of the room, cutting off a section from their view. "He had it all worked out. It's probably cos he wanted money that he came in the first place. Get some cash off the knew guardians before skipping town and…"
Speaking her last words Rachel pulled back the curtain with total frustration but in that moment was confronted with something that caused her to stumble backward in shock. Little did she know that Ryan had stepped closer by then and as soon as they touched his arms encircled her tightly.
Hanging before them was the cold, lifeless body of Steve Atwood.
Having succeeded in his suicide attempt, a rope strained around his neck and a toppled chair lay only a few feet away. His eyes were closed, arms and legs slack, skin a pale yellow from the lack of blood and oxygen travelling through his body.
Ryan couldn't pull his eyes away from the sight. There before him was something that he had wished all too often and yet now that he actually saw it, his mind went numb. Their father was dead and although in the most realistic of ways it would be a relief, there had always been a tiny part inside of Ryan that had wished one day Steve would finally be redeemed. Would be the father he should have been all along. Now those dreams were gone.
"Come on," Ryan said beginning to pull Rachel back toward the stairs.
She started to follow subconsciously before her eyes caught a glint of light sitting upon a small table beside the body. "It's there," she exclaimed trying to get back.
But Ryan wasn't going to give in. "We've gotta go Rach."
"No!" She cried trying to release his hold. "Don't let him take this from me. After everything that's happened, I can't lose this too."
The words were enough and soon Ryan's hold her loosened and she ran to collect the small silver bracelet never once looking directly at what was left of Steve Atwood. Pausing for the slightest moment Rachel immediately felt Ryan grab her arm and begin to guide them both into the daylight and away from the one they called their father forever.
Rachel sat in the cooling water of the bath her knees pulled up to her chest, arms wrapped securely around them and chin resting atop. Her soaked hair clung to her face and neck sending droplets of water trickling down her back.
Even as her eyes focused on her toes beneath the shallow surface the image of her fathers lifeless body refused to leave her mind. It had haunted her dreams the previous night adding to the seemingly endless nightmares which had plagued her of late.
There was a quiet knock on the door before Seth's voice was heard. "Rach," he said softly. "You okay in there?" when no reply came he pushed open the door, closing and locking it behind him. "Don't want you to drown in here."
But when his eyes fell on Rachel Seth noticed how she rested her forehead on her knees so her face was hidden from view. Mentally kicking himself for the lame attempt at a joke a sad smile came over his features before he walked to her side and kneeled beside the bath. Seth tucked pieces of fallen hair behind her ear allowing his fingers to trail down her spine until they reached the water.
A small sniff was heard in response but Seth made no move to speak. Instead he placed light kisses along Rachel's arm which shook ever so slightly from his presence. It had been one thing that Seth had never truly understood and that was his effect on her. Though Rachel was not aware of how simply having her close by drove Seth crazy, he was still puzzled by the reactions he always received when he touched her.
Slowly Rachel opened her eyes and only then realised just how tightly she had shut them. Letting out a small sigh she turned her face and leaned her cheek against her knee so she could gaze at Seth. But if he had noticed her move Seth did a good job of hiding it and occupied his attention instead to combing his fingers through her short hair.
After a moment however he finally met her eyes and held them. No words were spoken, they simply sat there gazing at each other as though the answers to every issue in the world could be solved within their eyes. Seth leaned forward, crossing his arms over the rim of the bath and resting his head upon them still watching Rachel with interested eyes.
Seeing the emotions behind their golden colours Seth sat up straight and pulled Rachel toward him, wrapping his arms around her and causing her own to go slack around her legs. She pressed deeply into him, freeing her arms and using them to hold onto the one, which he had running around her front. She tried anything to make herself feel that he would never let her go again.
Seth held her close feeling the coolness of her bare flesh and whispering into her ear. "You're cold."
"I don't mind," Rachel replied weakly.
Seth smiled at her comment. "You weren't born with super human insulation," he answered. "Although that would be so useful for when you're buying ice-cream and the only way to get it is to step into those freaky freezer things. By the time you get out you're so cold you don't need the ice-cream any more." After a long pause and some contemplation Seth spoke again, this time with more seriousness in his voice. "I don't wanna be blamed if you get sick."
Rachel groaned softly. "But you'd love to play doctor though."
"Naughty nurse is so much hotter," Seth answered with amusement in his voice. "Stay if you want, it's not like the view isn't nice."
"That's so disturbing."
"Yeah I normally just think these things and not actually say them out loud," he answered.
Hearing Rachel let out a long sigh which was clearly not meant to insinuate that she was relaxing Seth pulled her closer to him, ignoring the fact that his shirt was now damp from her hair. Placing a kiss on top of her head, he allowed her to loosen more into his touch.
Seth knew Rachel would never open up to him about what she was feeling, not unless he asked and still then her answers would be in riddles. Sometimes Seth wished that he could unlock all the mysteries and secrets of her mind. He wanted to know it all. Everything about her life. The life that he had not been a part of.
Seth envied her and Ryan sometimes for the fact that at such young ages their lives were already full of such amazing stories. Their history was so adventurous, so dangerous and yet so compelling. Though he also knew that there was a great undying pain and burden attached which they would have to live with forever.
Thinking of this made Seth remember a time long ago when he and Rachel had first become friends. She had said in defence to his beliefs that it was he who was the lucky one. If he was in her position he would be able to see that. She said that she envied him because he had a home, a loving family, a solid future. Stories meant nothing in comparison. Seth had everything she and Ryan wished they did.
Almost a week had past since Steve's body had been discovered. There were no condolences. No message of sorrow. It was as though the world didn't even realise that he was gone. As though it never mattered he was alive to begin with.
It mattered to Ryan though and as he sat alone in the library catching up on some missed studies he couldn't help but think of what it might have been like if Steve was the father he had always dreamed of. Would he still have left to go to Orange County or would they have stayed in Fresno like they'd hoped to all along? Would he and Trey have ever become involved in gangs? Would Rachel have then followed suit?
Ryan bit down hard on his pen and only looked up when he heard faint footsteps from behind him. He smiled when he saw Rachel, books in hand.
"Hey," he said turning to face her.
"Hi," she replied quietly. "Last minute homework?"
Ryan shrugged slightly trying to hide the fact that he could sense her uneasiness around him and hated it. "You can call it that." He gestured to the chair across from him with his pen. "You wanna sit down?"
"Oh…" she replied a little taken aback. "I was gonna…" Rachel looked back the way she had come. "Seth was gonna go over some chemistry stuff with me that kinda didn't happen last night."
Ryan looked at her for a moment before smiling as though to calm her nerves. "That's cool. You should go."
He went back to his work but soon found that Rachel had moved over and was now sitting opposite him. Pausing Ryan flicked his eyes to her and held her gaze for a moment waiting for her to react.
"Actually," she began. "I was wondering if…"
Ryan half smiled. "You need some help?"
The question was so simple and yet Rachel found herself flashing back to the one night he had walked into her room to find… "Um…yeah," she answered. "Seth as a tutor, not so great."
Ryan frowned slightly. "He's a smart guy."
"It's a getting sidetracked thing," Rachel answered.
Raising his eyebrows Ryan was quick to change the subject. "What do you need?" he asked leaning across the table.
Rachel was quiet for a time. "I can't get this formula to work," she said.
Ryan looked intently at the work on the page as Rachel gazed at him. It felt good to be able to ask him for help. To not have to pretend like he wasn't there and he wasn't a part of her life. To feel comfortable enough to treat him like a brother once again.
Ryan slowly nodded his head. "Yeah, okay, this is a stupid formula."
Rachel's eyes scanned his expression. "That doesn't help me."
Ryan looked up to see her smiling. The one thing which he had always loved and yet not been able to see for so long. Though he was well aware that she wasn't entirely comfortable with him yet, he knew now that there was nothing else which separated them.
"Luckily I can make it a not-so-stupid formula," he commented.
Rachel looked at her brother. "Meaning…?"
"I know how annoying it is the way your teacher thinks." Ryan flicked his eyes up to meet hers. "Come here, I'll show you."
Rachel held his gaze for a long moment, not being too sure what to say or how to react. But after a short pause she stood and walked over to Ryan, forcing her insecurities from her mind and letting him help her.
That night Kirsten stood in the kitchen checking on the timer for dinner. She poured herself a glass of wine before looking down at it, suddenly realising that she wasn't interested in the beverage any more. Sighing she swirled the liquid around in the glass and watched as it spilled onto the sides, never once going over the edge.
Seth walked into the room then whistling to some made up tune which Kirsten vaguely recalled fro his childhood. He stopped to give her a quick kiss on the cheek before taking the glass from her and downing it in a single swallow.
Kirsten looked at her son a little concerned with his actions. "Is everything okay?"
Seth nodded his head cringing at the taste which dominated his mouth. "Never better." He screwed up his nose. "God, how do you drink that stuff?"
"You're meant to take sips sweetie," Kirsten replied.
Seth only shook his head. "Nuh, this way works quicker."
"Seth," Kirsten began taking her sons arm and leading him into the lounge. "Sit down." The young Cohen did as he was told. "What's wrong?"
Seth was quiet for a time, he wasn't too sure how to put his issue into words. He didn't know if his brain was still functioning well enough for words to even be developed. Nevertheless he looked up at his mother and began to speak.
"It's girl issues," he stated. "You wouldn't understand."
Kirsten raised her eyebrows. "Seth, in case you're forgetting I was a teenage girl once."
"Yeah but it was so long ago."
"Watch it bucko."
Seth shook his head. "It's not the same."
Kirsten sighed. "Well who would you normally go to at a time like this?"
"Summer, maybe," Seth answered. "She somehow always manages to come to me so there's the whole me-not-having-to-ask thing which isn't really happening here."
A silence swept over the room and Kirsten couldn't help but feel completely out of Seth's life at that moment. She knew that she hadn't been the mother she should have been in the last few months but she still loved Seth with all her heart. She wanted to be able to help him, no matter what. She wanted to try and be the parent she wished she always had been.
"It's Rach," Seth suddenly said pulling Kirsten from her thoughts.
She looked up at her son not having to say anything and instead simply sat and listened as he poured his heart out to her.
The shrill of the phone echoed through the pool house and Ryan had the sudden urge to tear it out of the wall and throw it across the room. Instead he stared at it for a prolonged period of time before deciding to get reach over and answer. The voice on the other line was one that he hadn't heard in what seemed like decades.
"Ryan, man, it's me."
Ryan was silent for a time not really knowing what to say in reply and yet at the same time wanting to talk for hours.
"Hey Trey," he replied.
"How's everything over in the OC?" Trey asked casually. "How's my baby sis doing?"
Ryan's mind suddenly flashed back to that one night he had walked in on Rachel…the knife slick with blood…her wrists open and bleeding…
"She's fine man."
"Good to hear." There was a short silence before he spoke again. "Look uh…I've gotta be quick here but uh…I just wanted to let you know I'm gonna be staying in the joint longer than I thought."
Ryan was silent for a moment, not really sure how to reply to Trey's revelation but at the same time wanting nothing more than to scream at his brother.
"Why?" was all that he asked.
Trey was quick to answer. "I didn't do anything if that's what you think man. They stuffed up the sentencing paperwork or something…but yeah…got another year in here."
Ryan was nodding slightly though he was well aware that Trey couldn't see him. This could only happen now. At a time when both he and Rachel were vulnerable to change wether positive or not.
"Are you gonna tell my girl?" Trey asked.
Ryan thought for a time, trying to rid himself of his anger toward his older brother and instead think of Rachel's wellbeing. "Nuh," he finally replied. "She doesn't need to know."
"Okay," Trey answered. "Look man, thanks for everything but I gotta get going."
"Wait…" Ryan stated before pausing.
He figured that he should tell Trey about what had happened with Steve. The entire story. No lies. Ryan knew that Trey deserved to be told what happened to the father he had known so much more than Ryan or Rachel ever could. He deserved to know what he had done.
"Yeah?" Trey asked.
Ryan let out a long breath. "…nothing." He just couldn't do it. "Take care man." With that he hung up the phone.
TO BE CONTINUED………(Okay, sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry these chapters are taking so long but I'm going as fast as a can I swear. I don't wanna leave ya hanging. Only two to go. Things are wrapping up. Hope you're enjoying it.)
Leentje It's good to hear you're happy that Rachel and Ryan are happy again. Dunno if they're totally fine with each other but I definitely think it will get there eventually. I think that a lot of it doesn't actually have anything to do with Marissa, though she is a part of it. Most of it has things to do with issues that they already had from Chino that have never really been addressed. But yeah I loved writing the final scene mostly cos it was a smack over the head for Ryan who has seemed completely oblivious to everything that's been going on around him lately. So I'm glad u liked it.
dramaqueen92 Thanks for loving the story. It's always nice to read that so I don't feel like a complete failure. Lol. I'm gonna update asap.
Sleepinbeauty Lol. It's always coll to know I've made a total strangers day. Lol. not exactly something I do often, but nevertheless it's a compliment. It's good to know you're enjoying the stories so much cos it makes it a lot better for me to be able to write them. Thanks heaps.
meezardra Again with the crying! Lol. But yay at the same time. Rachel's appearance. Man…she's like a mix-breed I swear. She's kinda based on a whole stack of people. Like different parts of her. But yeah, mostly on people that I know, just taking bits of them and kinda combining them into one person. But here's a quick run-down. She's about 5'5 / 5'6 with a small build and hazel eyes (duh lol). her hair is another story. It's something that changes a lot cos I think it's almost like a symbolic thing to show how much she changes. You'll notice that every time something huge happens abbra cadabra it's a different colour or style. And her personality is a total combo of things as well. Some of her is a lot like me, other things are a lot like people I know and other things again are things which I thought she just really needed to have. Nuh the knees good. Lol. didn't really hurt either (I have an amazingly high pain threshold…seriously…it's freaky) but thanks for asking. And thanks for the review. I hope not to disappoint in the future.