THE FOREVER
I never lived before your love
I never felt before your touch
I never needed anyone to make me feel alive
But then again, I wasn't really living
Before your love
Kelly Clarkson
Rachel and Seth sat in silence in the common room of Harbour High. She had her head resting lightly on his shoulder, his hand calmly stroking her knee. It turned out that practically the entire school had found about what had happened with Trey. Though most were friendly and kept their distance, some gave strange looks, stared or whispered.
"Uh, hey guys," came a quiet voice from near them.
Rachel lifted her eyes to see Summer standing before them, a mournful expression on her face. She smiled weakly at her friend.
"Hey," Seth replied.
"Am I totally interrupting?"
Rachel shook her head. "It's okay…"
Summer nodded slowly. "If there's anything you need…"
"I know."
There was a small silence in which Seth stood stating her would be back soon. Summer took his seat and looked down to her hands for a time.
"Have you spoken to Ryan?"
Rachel only let out a sarcastic laugh. "Not since it happened."
"You should. It will make things so much more totally better."
"I know, but we're Atwood's."
"True."
Seth returned then handing both girls a coffee each and sitting on the edge of the table in front of them. He watched closely as Rachel eyes her beverage before lifting her eyes to his and holding his gaze a fraction too long. There was almost a need in her gaze, not for comfort, but for him.
"Hey."
Seth looked up trying to mask his shock at the new arrival. "Ryan! Hey man, how you doing? Summer and I were…"
"Just leaving," Summer finished. "Because we have this totally huge…"
"…science project."
"So we're gonna like go and, you know, finished it."
They both dashed away.
"That was weird," Ryan stated.
"Yeah," came the small reply from Rachel.
"So," he began. "I was thinking we could go for a walk."
Rachel looked at her brother. "Not really in the walking mood."
"…or we could sit," he finished dropping onto the couch beside her. "I just want to know what happened." What he received was Rachel rolling her eyes. "What?"
"Now you wanna talk?"
"Why wouldn't I?"
Rachel just should her head in disbelief. "You're unbelievable," she said before she stood and walked away.
Ryan was quick off the mark to follow her having subconsciously anticipated the move. He blocked her way once she entered the main hall. Ryan reached out to touch her face buy she pulled away defiantly.
"Rach…"
"I'm not like you Ry'," she said quietly. "I don't have button to switch everything off any more."
"What?"
"We never talk because you don't want too," she continued, her voice extremely calm. "We're not gonna talk about this. I'm not gonna tell you what happened because nothing I say is gonna bring Trey back. I know that."
Ryan stood silent for a long moment. "This isn't about Trey."
"No, it's about you, it's about us and how we're not who we used to be." Rachel looked directly into his eyes. "You can't say something and make it all better any more Ry'. You can't turn me away one minute and then care the next because that's not how it works."
"Rach, I'm not…"
"You are. Ever since Steve it's all been about when you feel like it. Why do you think we never talk? Why do you think I never stay at the Cohen's and always sleep at Summer's? Because I can't stand the thought of having to constantly turn Seth away because I just wanna talk to my brother and you're not there." She ran her fingers through her hair. "I don't wanna pretend like I can suddenly turn around and open up when it's convenient for you to talk."
Ryan looked at her with a guilt-ridden expression. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"
"Because you don't listen! If you did then you would have known about
Trey before all this." She paused for a moment. "You would have been there."
There was a loud knock on the door and when Kirsten opened it she was confronted with two police officers looking all the bit pissed off. "Can I help you?" she asked.
But before she had the chance to say anything else a thick bundle of paper was thrust into her hand. "We have a warrant for the arrest of Rachel Atwood," one spoke seriously before pushing past her into the house. "Is she here at the present time?"
Kirsten looked at the document in shock trying to form words. "What is this all about? Rachel hasn't done anything wrong, her brother was just shot by the police I don't see what that has to do with…"
"Is she here or not ma'am?" They were starting to get pushy.
At that moment Seth came wondering down the stairs going to see who was at the door. He hadn't even made it half way down when he overheard the demand and sprinted back up to the top. He ran down the corridor as fast as he could and burst into the guestroom where Rachel stayed.
She looked up at him startled by the sudden intrusion. It took her only a second to read the look on his face. Rachel went quickly to the window and looked out at the driveway. A marked police car was parked there.
"They're gonna know," she whispered.
"Who?"
Rachel turned back to him. "Your parents."
"My dad will get you out of this."
Rachel looked up at Seth seeing that he was just as worried as she was. "I could get out of here," she said quietly.
"What?" Seth exclaimed. "You can't do that, you can't…" he left the sentence unfinished.
Rachel let out a shallow breath. "They've got enough to put me away Seth, even if I am a minor, and I know how these guys work, I've seen it, they'll look at Ry' and Trey's records, plus my mum and automatically associate them with me and they'll take me away and I'll never see…"
"Hey…" Seth said quietly stepping up to her and placing his hands on either side of her face even though her voice showed more signs of anger than actual fear. "They'll just talk to you. Tell them what happened, there's nothing else you can do. My dad will take care of the rest. You'll be fine."
Rachel fell silent then. She knew that part of her was afraid of what would happen the moment the police walked through the door. She had seen enough arrests, visited jails on too many occasions to witness first hand how corrupt the system could be. And she knew she'd crossed a line that was never given lenience.
"I don't want you to be here," she whispered to Seth not meeting his eyes.
He gave her a strange look pulling his hands away from her. "Rach…"
"Don't make this harder."
As the last word left her lips the door was pushed open and the two policemen forced their way past Seth. Rachel didn't even resist when the man who had been silent when Kirsten opened the door pushed her against the nearby wall and cuffed her. There was a clear rage and almost sleaze in the way he did this.
"Rachel Atwood you're under arrest for unlawfully assisting a fugitive. You have right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one… "
By this time she had tuned out to what the other man was saying. Rachel could feel breath on her neck and she closed her eyes momentarily.
"You're just like your brothers," he whispered into her ear tightening the handcuffs. "Only a lot more…useful."
Seth noticed a slight shudder go through Rachel's body and it killed him to not be able to stop them when she was pushed out of the room and down the stairs. He didn't follow his mum. He barely even heard the words when Sandy appeared and not only announced his role as her attorney but also gave her a strict instruction to not say anything.
He sat down upon her bed and stared blankly at the floor. Seth could only imagine what Ryan's reaction would be. He knew she'd helped Trey, but there was still nothing to prepare him for this. For the knowledge that his sister had ended up in the very place he and Trey had.
Seth lay down on the bed. He could smell Rachel's sweet scent on the sheets, sweet and welcoming. He stared at the ceiling hoping more than anything that Sandy could get everyone out of this.
Rachel felt Sandy sit down beside her and felt her muscles stiffen slightly. They were waiting in the questioning room of the police station neither one saying a word and yet both knowing that there was a good chance that this wouldn't end nicely.
"Miss Atwood," one of the police said as the two who had arrested her walked in. "Sandy Cohen, I'm Constable Locke and this is my partner constable Monohan."
Sandy stood and shook their hands before beginning to speak. "So why is it exactly that you've brought Rachel here?"
Locke sat himself down. "We have strong reason to believe that she helped Trey Atwood – a federal fugitive – in his plan to escape from police capture." He passed Sandy over a manila folder. "This is the file."
Sandy flipped through it quickly feeling how uncomfortable Rachel was. Setting down the paper he looked up at the Constable's, Monohan in particular who had a close eye poised on Rachel.
"I have to ask you Atwood, why so quiet? If you're innocent then it's not like you need to hide anything," Monohan said.
Rachel slowing raised her eyes to his. "I don't like cops," she spoke calmly.
"We're FBI," he replied pointedly.
"Cops with ego's."
"Rachel…" Sandy warned.
"Your ego clearly must be getting the better of you," Monohan continued. "Coming from your background, the mansion by the beach, millionaires for guardians and a private schooling education mustn't look too shabby. Correct me if I'm wrong," he said riffling through her file. "Your mother was an alcoholic? Her current boyfriend is wanted on four counts of narcotics trafficking? You lived in a trailer park worthy house for fifteen years, your biological father committed suicide and your last boy toy was shot in a gang related incident? What was his name again…Kurt?"
In an instant Rachel was being pushed back into the chair by Sandy as she went to lunge at the man in front of her. At that moment she didn't care if that one action caused her to spend some serious time behind bars. She'd lived through worse.
"You don't know what you're talking about," she growled.
"Your brother Trey," he continued. "He was a fine piece of work…"
"That's enough," Sandy stated harshly feeling Rachel tense. "If you have nothing to ask my client then I suggest you leave."
Monohan smiled slyly. "Just one thing actually." He looked Rachel dead in the eye as he spoke. "How do you feel about spending most of your pretty years locked in a cell?"
"Ryan," Jimmy said in greeting as he answered the front door to the young Atwood. "How are you doing?"
Ryan nodded slightly. "I'm alright."
"Marissa's not home yet but you could come in and wait if you want."
"Yeah, thanks."
Stepping into the home Ryan could see that it hadn't changed in the slightest since he had practically moved in not too long ago. He remembered long nights of sitting up and contemplating his life as Marissa would toss and turn in bed.
He would contemplate his current situation, sitting alone in the dark whilst his new family was falling apart at the seams. Whilst Sandy and Seth were packing their things to leave their loved ones indefinitely. Whilst Kirsten was drinking wine in the kitchen watching the clock. And whilst Rachel was struggling to keep everything together.
"How are things going at home?" Jimmy asked as he walked into the kitchen to get them both a beverage.
Ryan sat down on the sofa and thought about his response for a moment. "Good, bad, everything," he replied.
Jimmy gave him a sad smile. "Get rid of one problem and another one comes to take its place."
"Something like that," Ryan said shrugging.
Walking over to join him, Jimmy handed Ryan a coke before sitting down opposite him. "Sandy and Kirsten are going well?"
"Yeah, I guess. They're not fighting any more and they have the whole second wedding thing coming up too."
Jimmy listened nodding his head as he did. "And Rachel?"
Ryan went quiet then. He didn't know how to reply. He could say she was fine, if anything that was the truth. But he couldn't say that she was fine in the context that the situation could also be viewed in. The one involving the law, peaceful lifestyles and staying out of trouble.
"I saw her the other day," Jimmy spoke knowing that Ryan wasn't ready to open up just yet. "She told me about the accident…and about Trey."
Ryan looked up at him then, total shock on his face. "She what?"
"She told me what happened, and how she wanted to tell you so badly." Jimmy let out a sigh. "She said that she thought Seth had caught on to what had happened and that she was going to tell him eventually, she just needed to find the right time. I think that's what the walk on the beach was for."
"What else did she say?"
Jimmy looked at him for a long moment. "She was scared," he said slowly. "Scared of what you would think of her if you didn't find out from her but…" he stopped then.
"But what Jimmy?"
"But she was more scared of seeing the look on your face if she did tell you. She was scared about what you might say, or how you would react."
She's scared of me? The thought made Ryan feel physically ill.
"Why would she think that?" Ryan asked quietly.
Jimmy shrugged. "I'm not the person you should be asking that to."
Seth leaped over the back of the sofa and landed beside Rachel who was busy looking over her notes from class. "Cappuccino?" he asked handing her the cup.
"You're gonna start charging me for all these coffee's soon," she replied with a slight smile.
"I like the idea of making a quick buck," he stated.
There was a long silence in which he let out a sigh and leaned back against the leather seat. He couldn't believe the luck that they'd had. Sandy had somehow taken care of everything. Seth didn't know if he'd lied or if he'd worked through every loophole in the book but somehow he had managed to get Rachel walking free without so much as a black dot on her record.
Seth knew that the entire situation had the entire family slightly rattled, especially after the seemingly perfect lives they'd all been leading for some time. It wasn't so much the deed itself which had hurt them, but rather the consequences. This is exactly what moving to New Port was supposed to keep Rachel away from. Now she didn't only have to deal with the death of her brother, but also the repercussions.
On that thought Seth spoke. "My dad took care of everything for you."
Rachel's eyes remained on her work, silently hoping that maybe if she didn't look at Seth he wouldn't be able to see straight through her. "I know."
"You might…I dunno…want to talk to him or something. He seemed kinda pissed the last time I saw him."
Rachel paused what she was doing and slowly closed her book. She looked at it for a moment. "I dunno why he did it," she whispered.
"My dad?"
She shrugged.
"Or Trey?"
"Both."
"Well," Seth began trying to choose his words carefully. "You want to know what I think?" Rachel turned her eyes to his and waited. "I think it's because they both love you. My dad shows it by being Mr. Lawyer Man and Trey…okay so he made a bad call but it was because he couldn't bare to be without you…"
Rachel looked down to Seth's chest. "I just dunno why you guys bother any more. I mean…I've screwed up so bad and I've put you guys in danger so many times and…but no ones…I figured at least Sandy would have…"
"What?" Seth asked. "Kicked you out? You're part of the family Rach. My parents love you and until the day comes that they realise they would rather enjoy their hugely overdone home without three teens running wild they'll never let anything happen to you." Rachel looked at him then. "And neither will I." There was a long pause in which they simply gazed at each other, neither speaking. "Because I love you too."
Rachel looked at Seth for a long time feeling her stomach flip at his words. She became keenly aware of just how close they were, his hand on her thigh, her head tilted toward his.
"Rach…" Seth murmured moving an inch closer.
"Yeah…?" She replied just as quietly.
He simply smiled at her. "You're gonna be late for class."
Rachel let out a breath feeling him move his hand away from her body. "Yeah, I should…" Seth watched as she gathered her things and stood turning to give him a warm smile. "Thanks," she said.
He simply nodded in reply.
Rachel sat down warily in the seat across from Sandy, her eyes downcast to the files which lay on the desk between them. She didn't want to be there. She didn't want to have to admit that she'd really crossed the line this time. She didn't want to have to feel his disapproval.
"Well," he began letting out a long breath. "I guessed you're really an Atwood now, aren't you?"
The words cut Rachel deep. They hurt her more than anything she could ever imagine became they came with a harsh reality that she wasn't sure she was ready to face yet. There was nothing in Sandy's tone which let up on how much he wanted her to suffer the consequences for what she'd done
"Now at your age, drugs, alcohol, even stealing I understand," he continued. "But harbouring a fugitive is just beyond me. You put yourself in so much danger, not to mention jeopardising your entire future in New Port."
Keep it together Rachel. You deserve this. Just take it
"And lying to us. To me, right to my face. You had every chance in the world to tell us what was going on, to let us help you but you just ignored everything. Can you imagine how Kirsten must have felt when she opened the door and found the police standing there? How worried? She must have been beside herself. And Seth, knowing that he would have to watch you get dragged away after everything that you two have been through…"
After a long pause Rachel finally spoke. "What do you want me to say Sandy?" she asked her voice barely a whisper. "That I'm sorry? You know I am. Or admit that I screwed up? I have." At last she looked up at her, seeing the anger in his eyes and yet forcing herself not to pay attention to it. "But I'd do it again if I had too."
Sandy looked at her shocked before leaning forward. "I don't think you understand the severity of what you…"
"I completely understand…I think if anything you don't." he voice was deathly calm. "Trey is to me what Kirsten and Seth are to you. He's everything. Him and Ry' are the only people who have ever cared about me. They're all I've ever had for a family. If I broke a bone, they'd take me to the hospital. If I got on the wrong side of somebody, they'd take the fight." She paused realising just how much she was revealing to Sandy. "I promised myself a long time ago that I would do anything for them to repay what they did for me."
Sandy stared at her. "We took you into our home on faith that you would respect the privileges that you'd been given. Now I understand that a lot of what's happened in you life was not your fault, but there is a line, and you, Rachel have crossed it."
Rachel leaned back in her chair and looked at him. "If you want me gone, I'm gone."
Sandy blinked at what she'd said. "After what you did I would be crazy not to kick you out of my home." Rachel swallowed waiting for his next words. "But that would also be letting you off easy and I am not willing to do that. So, from now on there are to be some rules layed down…"
Sandy paused for a long moment realising exactly how he was using his tone to be…
Her father…
He looked at Rachel closely, not seeing her but rather himself as a young man from the Bronx, the wrong side of town knowing what it meant to be willing to do anything for those who would do anything for you. He had seen it in Ryan the first time they had met. The vulnerable kid covered in the exterior of a thug.
Sandy took in a breath. "You can go now Rachel," he said quietly.
Hailey watched Kirsten as she flipped through the decoration book sitting upon the kitchen countertop. "Can I ask you something?" She inquired.
Kirsten didn't raise her eyes from the book. "Mmm."
"What really happened with you and Sandy?"
Kirsten stopped suddenly letting out a sigh and looking up at Hailey. "It's none of your concern."
Hailey shrugged. "Just curious is all."
Closing the design book slowly Kirsten turned her eyes to Haileys. "There was a woman," she began. "At Sandy's work. They spent a lot of time together. Maybe too much is what I thought. One thing lead to another…"
Hailey looked at her in shock. "You mean he and some bird got it on?"
Kirsten shook her head. "No, nothing like that. They just…well…he and…" she stopped to gather her thoughts. "It doesn't matter any more, it's over now."
Hailey was about to say something else when the doorbell rang and Seth came into sight from upstairs. "And the madness begins," he said.
"Very funny Seth," Kirsten replied trying to mask any thoughts he might have about what she and Hailey had just been talking about. "Could you please answer the door, it must be Rachel and Luke with the lighting. Go and give them a hand honey."
"Oh I'm sure they have all the hands they need," Hailey interjecked. "Hands everywhere, what with all that heavy lifting, someone's bound to get a little hot. Hands here and hands there"
Seth stared at her before walking out into the hallway to find Luke standing at the door. "Hey man," the newcomer said extending his hand out.
Seth flashed back to Hailey's speech and didn't shake Luke's hand. "Hey."
"Luke, come on help me out here!" Came Rachel voice from the front drive.
"I'll go," Seth was quick to say pushing Luke into the house. "My mum needs help choosing some colour pallets or something and I know how much you love that stuff."
"No I don't," Luke began.
"Sure you do," Seth insisted pushing him all the way into the entrance before slamming the door behind.
"Luke, what's taking so…" Rachel stopped dead when she saw Seth standing at the front door. "You got left with the heavy lifting?" She asked.
Seth smiled at her. "Well I offered to do colour pallets but Luke insisted."
Rachel gave him a strange look. "Come on and help me out."
Seth fell into step with her as they moved over to Luke's truck, the back of which was filled with lighting and electrical equipment. Rachel braced her hands on the edge and pulled herself up onto the back and bent down to take the first light and hand it to Seth.
"Wow," Seth murmured before he realised what he was doing causing Rachel to look at him. "No, I mean…the lights…with their…you know…"
"Don't worry," she said with a smirk. "I still check out your ass." Seth smiled. "So I'll pass you everything and you go and run it inside."
Seth nodded and so the work began. Upon walking back to the house to deliver some of the load Luke appeared in front of Seth again.
"Look man, your mum doesn't need me, plus I'd rather be helping Rachel anyway," Luke insisted.
Seth shook his head with a fake smile on. "What are you talking about? We've got things covered, so you go on back inside and get those flower arrangements set up." He pushed Luke back through the front door. Letting out a breath Seth went back to see Rachel preparing to jump off the back of the truck, the last light in her hand. "Here," he said taking it from her and placing it on the ground.
Seth turned back to Rachel and placed his hands on her waist, feeling her take a loose grip on his upper arms as he helped her down. When they were both on ground level Rachel looked up to him with every intention of saying thankyou but stopped momentarily.
"You check me out, huh?" Seth asked quietly.
Rachel smiled feeling his breath on her face. "You still do too."
Seth leaned in closer. "Can't help it," he said playfully.
His breath was warm against Rachel's neck and she felt her head begin to spin slightly before she too leaned in. "What are we gonna do about that?" She murmured.
Seth smiled, they were so close now. But before he had the chance to say anything both their names were called from inside the house. Snapping out of their trance they both stepped back from each other and fumbled around for a moment before quickly walking inside.
"What took you kids so long?" Sandy asked, he'd now joined Kirsten, Luke and Hailey.
Seth stammered. "Didn't want to break anything."
Rachel looked away from him. "You know, Seth with his chicken arms. Heavy lifting doesn't really work for him."
Seth nodded in reply before Ryan walked into the kitchen, car keys in hand. "So you were just needing some extra plates?"
Kirsten stepped forward. "Yes, thankyou for doing this Ryan."
He only shrugged. "No problem."
"Why don't you and Seth go and Rachel and I can help out here?" Luke suggested.
"Good idea…" Sandy began before Seth cut him off.
"No," he protested a little too enthusiastically. "I'll stay, Rach and Ryan can go."
Rachel gave him a strange look. "Why?"
He shrugged looking at her obviously. "Chicken arms, remember?"
Ryan rolled his eyes at Seth's attempt to ensure Rachel and Luke were seperated. He knew that his friend was jealous of the relationship they had. That maybe it would become something more and Seth wouldn't get the chance to have Rachel back.
"Why don't you and Rach stay, and Luke and I go?" Ryan finally said trying to keep the peace.
Seth's face lit up. "Perfect! So everything's settled."
Rachel narrowed her eyes at him finally catching on. "No," she said forcefully forcing Seth to look at her and her annoyance. "I'm going with Ry', you stay with Luke." She couldn't resist adding at the end. "Have fun."
Rachel let out a tired moan as she awoke in an all too familiar bed. Groaning she leaned across and turned the bedside clock around to face her. 3am.
Dammit.
Hearing the soft breathing of another person she looked over the side of the bed to see Seth sleeping on the floor below.
Why is he…?
And then she realised what had happened. They'd been finishing off decorations which they'd brought home for tomorrow's ceremony and she must have fallen asleep, leaving Seth with the decision of whether to join her on his bed or take the safe route of the floor.
"Seth," she whispered trying to wake him. "Seth, get up." He murmured quietly. "Seth," she tried again.
"Eighteen Miss," he replied.
Rachel couldn't help the smile which spread along her face at his reply. "Wake up and I'll tell you the right answer." She let out a sigh. "Seth, sweetie you have to wake up."
Sweetie? What was I thinking?
Slowly his eyes opened and came to rest on hers. "I could think of a lot more comfortable places to be right now."
"Sorry," she replied. "Get into bed, I'll leave."
Seth shook his head with a tired cringe. "Stay, I don't mind."
I'm sure you don't.
"I have my own bed," Rachel answered.
"It's not as comfortable as this one."
Rachel smiled. "I'll give you that one, but this isn't my bed any more."
Seth let out a sigh sitting up and cracking the kinks in his back. "Just stay."
"I can't."
"Look, I'm not suggesting anything other than you're already here and I have no problem with you staying," he was quick to add. "In a non-sexual way of course."
Sighing Rachel stared at him as Seth rubbed his eyes and ran his fingers through his un-tame locks. She could stay, there was nothing saying she couldn't. But if she did there was no telling what would happen between them.
"Seth, if I stay…" she began.
"What's the worst that could happen?" He asked.
"Oh, I can think of a lot of things."
Seth looked at her standing from his spot before falling down onto his bed with a grunt. He leaned back against the headboard and stared at the dark ceiling for a moment. Rachel looked at him still fighting the inner demon which told her to kiss him then and there.
"Why do you hate Luke so much?" She asked sitting with her legs crossed on the bed.
Seth shrugged in reply not wanting to tell her the real reason was jealousy. "Just don't like him."
Rachel let out a sigh. "Yeah, well I wish it wasn't like that."
"Like what?"
She shrugged. "You and Luke…you and me."
"It doesn't have to be," Seth murmured.
Rachel looked at him sadly as he shifted closer. Slowly Seth leaned in bringing his hand to rest in her hair. "Yeah it does," she whispered in reply.
Seth drew her closer. "We can change that," he said pressing his lips tenderly to hers making sure not to move too suddenly. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her off.
Rachel melted into Seth's caresses. He felt so right. Yet at the same time she knew he was so very wrong. He deepened the kiss running his free hand down her side to her waist and pulling Rachel closer.
It was then that she broke away from him. "It does have to be like this Seth," she stated quietly. "We can't keep this up."
As she turned to leave Seth jumped up and followed taking a hold of her arm just as she reached the door. Rachel spun around to face him and in doing so found her back pressed hard up against the closed door, Seth standing mere inches away from her.
This isn't gonna end well
"I care about you Rach," he said.
"I know," was her short reply.
Seth looked at her strongly. "You can't deny that you still feel this."
"There isn't a this to feel, we agreed on that."
"No, you decided," Seth almost growled at her.
Rachel narrowed her eyes at him. "Well I'm sorry if I know what's best for me and you're not it," she stated sarcastically.
"You and me both know that this whole situation isn't right."
"What? The fact that you kissed me or that I'm being held hostage in your bedroom?"
Seth sighed. "Don't be like that."
"Like what Seth?" She demanded, both of them starting to get extremely agitated. "How the hell would you know what I'm feeling or how I'm acting?"
"Well considering I've had to put up with you for the last two years, you'd think I'd have a pretty good idea."
Seth watched Rachel's face as she comprehended what he'd just said to her. The words so full or anger. So hurtful. Her expression turned from anger, to shock and finally to sadness. But Seth wasn't finished. He wasn't going to let her out of this one that easily.
"I've gone through everything you have. I've had to live through your personality changes and wacked-up mental stability with a smile on my face. I've had to pretend it doesn't effect me to watch you slit your wrists open or run off to Commando Kurt. I've had to be there to hold you every night when you're shaking and make you believe I think you're telling the truth when you say you're just cold and pretend I don't know you're terrified." He took a step closer causing Rachel to press herself even further into the door. "I've had to deal with being pushed away so many times by you and then brought back when you needed me to be there. I've kissed you, and slept with you having to live with the fact that the only other two people who have done that violated you."
Seth paused and stared at Rachel not feeling any better having released all his anger. Instead he felt that he needed to tell her one last thing. Something that had been haunting him for months. Something that would never leave his mind. Ever.
"When I left with dad, I didn't do it because I wanted to be with him." Rachel slowly brought her eyes to meet his. "I did it because I wanted to get away from you and all of this." Seth watched as the tears glided down Rachel's cheeks almost in slow motion as his words sunk in. He hated to hurt her. But he hated to lie. "But I still love you. I never stopped loving you. And I want you to be here. And I want your problems and your crazy life and your mystery. I want to hold you and know that I'm the only one who will." He let out a long breath. "I want to be with you."
Rachel continued to stare at him as the tears rolled down her face before she felt around for the doorhandle, turned it and walked out of Seth's room.
Rachel lay awake staring into the darkness, not quite wanting to sleep and yet knowing tomorrow was going to be intense. But most of all still feeling the hurt that had been brought to her by Seth's words hours earlier.
She let out a long breath trying not to think about how empty the bed felt, and how foreign the room was. She still wasn't used to not having Seth beside her. Even if it had been over a month now since he'd been absent.
Rachel didn't need him to tell her he still had feelings for her. She knew because she still had feelings for him. If anything they were stronger now then they had ever been.
Frustrated with her wondering mind and lack of sleep Rachel kicked the blanket off and trudged sleepily from the room. Walking down the moonlit corridor she passed Seth's room before stopping and going back. Facing the closed door she let her hand come to rest on the handle before taking in a long breath.
He woke to the sound of the door closing lightly and looked up to see a familiar figure enter the room and move toward the bed. They barely paused as they reached out, lifted the blanket and crawled in.
He watched her closely before tucking the blanket lightly around her. "You okay?" Ryan asked quietly.
Rachel settled down and looked at her brother for a time. "I'm sorry," she murmured.
He smiled tiredly at her. "Don't be," he replied. "We're okay."
"Are we?"
Ryan looked at her closely. "Yeah, we are."
There was a long pause.
"I miss Trey," Rachel said, her voice cracking slightly.
"I know," Ryan answered her.
She let out a long breath. "I keep thinking, maybe if we saw him more…"
"Nothing could have changed it."
"How do you know that?"
Ryan was silent for a time thinking whether or not he should finally tell Rachel the truth about why Trey had broken out. "His sentence was extended," he finally spoke.
"What?" Rachel asked shocked.
Ryan took in a long breath. "Something went wrong at their end. It's not your fault he broke out. He got stir crazy, you know what he's like."
Rachel closed her eyes tightly and let out a sad laugh. "What an idiot," she breathed.
Ryan looked at her closely. "How are things with Seth?"
Rachel opened her eyes slowly knowing he wasn't trying to change the subject, more get to the point about why she was here now. "I can't stand being near him," she spoke honestly.
"Why?"
"Because I think of how much I've changed him with everything that I've…"
"He loves you."
Rachel nodded. "I know," she whispered.
"Do you still love him?"
Rachel looked up at Ryan, holding his gaze but not letting the words pass her lips. He already knew the answer.
"Trey would have wanted you to be happy."
Rachel smiled. "I am."
Ryan looked at her, nodding his head slightly, though he knew full well that she was lying.
The next morning Rachel jogged down the steps into the kitchen, all the while her left hand clasped the back of her dress in a deathly grip. "Kirsten!" She called, looking into the family room, dining area and hallway.
When no answer came she turned to head back upstairs only to run straight into Seth who smiled awkwardly. "Oh, sorry."
"No, it's cool," she replied not looking at him, not after the previous night. "Just got the whole falling-out-of-my-dress thing going on."
"Oh yeah," Seth began. "Do you want me to…?"
"I was gonna get Kirsten…"
"Yeah…that's…no…you should…"
"But if you…"
Seth looked down at Rachel and smiled at their uncomfortable state. "Yeah, turn around."
Rachel hesitated before turning her back to him and letting the dress go when she felt him take hold. He took a step closer so she could feel his breath on the side of her neck as she subconsciously watched him out of the corner of her eye.
There was something about his demenour that let her know he was still thinking about his previous words to her. Yet there was no remorse. Maybe for goof reason, but that didn't mean her heart stopped breaking.
"So how does this…?" Seth inquired taking a hold of the ties which crossed along her otherwise completely bare back. "No, wait, I've got it." He pulled the fabric into place, letting his fingers linger a little too long. "Done."
Rachel turned back and smiled trying to mask the effect he was having on her and the pain she felt inside. "Thanks."
Seth shrugged. "No biggy."
She nodded awkwardly. "You look good."
"Well I try," Seth replied. "Black shirt."
Rachel laughed and nodded looking at his outfit. "Guys always look hot…"
"…in a black shirt."
He remained silent for a long time simply staring at her. "About last night…"
"Don't," she was quick to cut in. "I deserved it. I even understand it. At least part of me does." She finally let her eyes come to rest on his. "I've put you through a lot Seth, guiltily, yeah, but mostly selfishly. And you've lived with it. And I'm sorry you've had too but I can't change who I am or what I've done." Again, silence. "I'd better go. I don't think your parents would like it if I turned up with no make-up and a bed-head," she said in reference to the fact that the only thing that made her look dressed up was what she wore. She turned and walked away.
"Hey," Seth called after her causing her to stop and face him. "You look beautiful, even without all the other fancy stuff." There was a clear sincerity in his voice.
Rachel nodded at him before walking away.
Music played softly in the background as Seth spoke to Hailey. "I'm starting to get used to these," she said. "A little champagne…a little music…and two-hundred of Newport's finest to keep us entertained." Sarcasm filled her tone.
"You really need to get out more," he stated.
Hailey only laughed. "Shouldn't I been saying that to you?"
Suddenly Rachel appeared before them, and Seth nearly choked on the drink he had been sipping. "Hey guys," she said a little rushed.
"Wow, Rachel, you sure know how to work it so guys fall over themselves for a piece of you. Doesn't she Seth?"
Seth coughed slightly as he tried not to gawk. He'd seen the dress but… "Uh…she…well…"
God he looks good, Rachel thought, mentally kicking herself.
"Did Kirsten help you choose the dress?" Hailey continued.
I can't believe I used to sleep with…Seth pulled his thoughts together before they began to run wild.
Don't stare at him idiot, look somewhere else, Rachel instantly looked away from Seth.
"It's really pretty," Hailey went on.
Think un-sexy thoughts, Seth chanted.
This is hell, Rachel thought.
Her eyes, that smile, those boo…shut up brain!
"So, Hailey," Rachel finally spoke. "Kirsten needs you in the kitchen."
"Her my mother out of there!" Seth exclaimed.
"She hired caterers Seth," Hailey reassured. "You kids have fun now." She walked away.
Rachel watched as she disappeared before turning back to Seth whose gaze instantly snapped away from her figure. She smirked. "I might go and find Summer," she said. "Make sure she's not hitting on too many people."
Seth laughed awkwardly. "Are you enjoying the party?"
Rachel went to walk away before smiling at him. "I'll let you know."
Rachel stood before the mirror in the guestroom trying to figure out why she'd been staring at herself for the last twenty minutes. Maybe she was attempting to find the one thing Seth couldn't let go of. Maybe she was trying to find the one thing holding her back.
Or maybe I just don't wanna be at the party, she thought.
Her thoughts were interrupted however, when there was a soft knock at the door. It quietly opened and Luke walked in.
"How you doing?" he asked casually.
Rachel smiled and turned to face him. "I'm hiding in a room, attempting to stay away from Newport's finest…how do you think?"
Luke smirked and watched as she moved over and fell back onto the bed, hands behind her head. She stared up at the ceiling for a time before Luke sat down beside her.
"These the new digs?" he asked referring to the room.
Rachel nodded. "I got sick of shacking up with Ry'; and for some reason that sounds really dirty."
Luke laughed at her comment and lay down side on to her, his head propped up on his hand. There was something about being alone with Rachel now that made him flash back to the conversation he had with Summer many weeks ago.
Luke knew that deep down inside he did have feelings for Rachel, there was no denying it. However, he also knew that above all else, being her friend was his main priority.
"Are you having fun?" Rachel asked softly.
"I am now," Luke murmured.
Rachel gazed over to him, looking straight into his eyes without hesitation. She saw something there that she'd missed so much since leaving Seth. Love. Unconditional love.
It was then that Rachel did something totally unexpected on both hers and Luke's part. She slowly sat up and stared down at him, her hand gently coming to rest on his bisep. Without thinking, she leaned down and pressed her lips to his.
Only one thought ran through her mind as Rachel kissed Luke. She had to know. She had to know if she did feel something for him. She needed the answer to the one thing that had plagued her since the moment she fell into his arms after the soccer game, so long ago.
Luke kissed Rachel back, hesitantly at first but then found himself overwhelmed by the feeling. This was what he had wanted – needed – for so long. To have the chance to see what it was that lay between them. If there was lust or love or simply friendship.
As the kiss grew deeper, Rachel felt her heart thumping loudly against her chest. She could feel Luke run his fingers through her hair, his touch so foreign. She could hear the voices telling her how wrong she was. How selfish.
In that moment it all seemed to be amplified. The feel of Luke beneath her, the voices, the conscious thought of how could this be happening?
"I knew it! You totally have like always wanted him," Summer would say
"What the hell do you think you're doing? Grow up and stop just thinking about yourself," was Ryan's disapproving voice.
"You and Luke huh?" Seth's voice echoed in her mind. "That's cool…I mean…you're happy…that's…yeah that's cool."
It was then that she knew.
Rachel pulled away from Luke and stared down at him. She knew that her own expression mirrored his. "Thankyou," she whispered before pushing off him and disappearing out the door.
Seth snuck up behind Rachel and sat down close to her, resting his chin upon her shoulder. "Hey," he said.
He had seen her walk into his room not five minutes earlier having watched her slip away from the party. She'd sat down on his bed with a sigh, taking in her surroundings sadly.
This is how he had found her, knee's pulled up to her chest, Captain Oats in hand, playing with the horses mane. He wasn't going to question why she was there. Not yet anyway.
Rachel smiled slightly. "Hey."
"You missed the much anticipated throwing of the bouquet," Seth explained leaning away from her. "Those girls can get nasty when their desperate attempts to get hitched could get a boost."
Rachel laughed slightly. "Well when their husband could be the next rich boy of New Port, you'd be surprised what people will do."
"My theory – if you want to know."
"I'll end up hearing it anyway."
"All you have to do," Seth began. "Is marry some rich, old guy, force him into not writing a pre-nup, and then when the best opportunity presents itself…push him down your million dollar staircase and get all his money."
There was a long pause before Rachel spoke again. "We really need to get you a hobby."
Seth only shrugged. "Here," he said producing an amazing array of flowers to Rachel. "I thought you might like them."
Rachel sat speechless, staring at the flowers for what seemed like an age. "You didn't," she exclaimed turning to face Seth who smiled. "Seth, you stole your mothers bouquet?"
He shrugged again before receiving a playful hit. "Hey, what was that for?"
"I can't believe you," she smiled.
There was a long silence then between them as each became lost in their own thoughts. In a sense, the situation they were in should have felt odd, it should have been foreign, but for some reason neither seemed anything but content.
"Your parents are gonna have a fun night," Rachel suddenly broke in, trying to get some sort of conversation going.
Seth gave Rachel a strange look. "Uh…okay?"
"It's technically a second honeymoon."
Seth's eyes widened in absolute, utter shock. "Don't say that!" He screamed. "My mind's too innocent to have those images in it."
Rachel couldn't help the smile which spread along her face and before she could stop herself the words came out. "Come on, it's not like it's anything we haven't done."
Seth felt an instant pang within his stomach at her words as an array of memories came flooding back into his mind. They had done some special things. But he tried his hardest to hide the fact that he had instantly become more aware that they were both sitting together…on his bed….
Instead he simply let out a sound of disgust. "Oh God stop!" He cried.
Rachel was quick to stand, trying to get some distance between them as what she said began to sink in. "Hailey seems to be having fun," she suggested gazing out of the window at the crowd below.
Seth moved up beside her and looked over her shoulder. "Yeah, the whole clan is." He smiled slightly before letting his eyes come to rest on her face. "Why are you up here?"
Rachel looked down for a moment before shrugging. "Quality time with Captain Oats," she commented with all sincerity.
"Oh, I see," Seth replied. "So I guess I should leave you both to it then."
Rachel laughed at that. "I might end up as crazy as you if you leave me with nothing but a plastic horse for company."
Seth raised his eyebrows. "You think I'm crazy?"
Rachel laughed again, she couldn't help it. "Maybe," she replied looking at him playfully.
It was then that Seth did something neither of them had expected. He grabbed onto her, his fingers tickling her sides leaving Rachel laughing madly and trying to break away. There was nothing she could do however, and the more she fought, the more he seemed to get a better hold on her.
It wasn't until they both tripped on the end of the bed and went tumbling onto it that they realised what had just happened between them.
Rachel instantly stopped laughing when she looked up and registered the position they had found themselves in. Seth lay atop her, his eyes gazing into hers. Both had stopped dead in their tracks at the situation they were now in.
Seth looked down at Rachel as she breathed deeply being sure that his own face mirrored her shocked expression. He knew it was because they truly shouldn't have been caught like this. He knew he should get off her, move away. After everything that had happened between them the simply pleasure of being together was now awkward. Or maybe the reason for his uneasiness was because a simple act that fate had brought them to a position where they finally had to make a choice.
"Rach…" Seth began but was cut short by Rachel pulling him down toward her and pressing her lips to his.
"What?" Rachel whispered between breaths knowing that soon there would be no air left in her lungs to speak.
"Maybe…" he began. "We shouldn't…" he pressed her deeper into the mattress, feeling her hands glide down his back. "Do this…"
Rachel let out a small moan as he pressed his lips to her neck. "I know," she answered. "But…"
Suddenly she tore away not knowing why she had done what she did. She felt Seth let out a sigh against her neck and rest his forehead on her collarbone. Both of them knew that they shouldn't be doing this. Not now. Not after everything they'd promised themselves. Not after the previous night.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
Seth shook his head and looked at her. "It's alright," he said before pushing off her and walking a little away.
Rachel pushed herself into a sitting position, her legs over the side of the bed, head in her hands. She felt like she was on fire. Everything about kissing Seth felt so right and yet for some reason they had both decided that it was so very wrong.
Seth bit down on his knuckles, pacing slightly before letting out a long sigh. He didn't know how long he could keep this up for. Denying them both of something that they knew they needed but at the same time had ruined so much for them. Everything about the way their lives were now was perfect. There was no obligation. Just friendship.
It felt like a brick had hit his chest when Rachel had kissed him. Like nothing Seth had ever experienced because it was something he had wanted for so long and yet had decided not to have.
Pull it together, he thought to himself. It was just a bad move by her. You know nothings going to happen.
Seth turned then and looked at Rachel as she sat, head down, fingers tangled in her hair. How he loved her. There was no question. There never had been. He couldn't stop loving her. No matter how much he had tried over the past few weeks. No matter how many times he'd told himself to move on, to stop procrastinating, to just accept that it was over…
You can't have her Seth, he began thinking. But you want her…but you can't have her…you know you…
He stopped suddenly. Stopped pacing. Stopped thinking. Stopped caring about anything that would happen…
"Seth, I think we should…" Rachel began looking up.
Her sentence was left unfinished however as Seth stepped forward and kissed her like he'd never kissed her before. Rachel fell back onto the bed as her mind spun and her heart beat hard in her chest. She had almost forgotten what it felt like to be with Seth in such a way. It amazed Rachel at how much she had neglected them of by trying to keep her distance from Seth.
Seth pulled away slightly and whispered. "I love you."
Rachel stared back up at him. There was a long silence. It was enough for Seth to feel that she'd ripped out his heart and bounced it around like a basketball.
He couldn't describe the look on her face. It was one of total sadness and yet at the same time almost fearful. She finally had to decide exactly how the situation was going to go. If not for now, then for forever. Seth couldn't keep feeling the way he did. He loved her. He'd just told her that. But she simply stared at him as though he'd told her the football score. Why couldn't she understand that he was in total anguish because he wanted her so much yet she refused to let him in. she refused to…
Finally she spoke. "Then why'd you stop kissing me?"
Seth blinked at her reply before face grew a smile as he let her wriggle her way to the top of the bed, covering her body with his and kissing her again. "You're so beautiful," he murmured against her lips.
Rachel smiled against his mouth causing Seth to pull away. "You said that the first time we kissed."
"I would have been an idiot if I didn't," Seth stated.
"You're an idiot anyway."
Seth shrugged. "That's something I can't deny."
Smiling Rachel leaned up and kissed Seth again. "I love you."
Seth watched his parents dancing about having the time of their lives thanks to the music, the surroundings and the alcohol. Hailey and Jimmy soon joined them making an attempt not to spill their drinks as they moved to the music laughing and bopping away.
What felt like hundreds of people were packed into the Cohen's backyard sipping Chardonnay by the barbecue area or gossiping by the tables. Seth himself sat by the pool running his finger uninterestingly along the rim of his champagne glass and thinking about what had happened down at the beach a mere few hours earlier.
A slight smile crept along his face at the thought that his life was finally back to normal. No more drama. No more moves. Just happiness to sit back and lap up.
He only then became aware that Rachel was whispering to him, her lips lightly brushing against his ear. "What are you smiling at?" she asked.
Seth grinned even wider and pulled her closer to his body as she sat on his lap. "Just thinking," he replied.
"About me?"
"And ruin a perfectly good thought?"
Rachel smirked and took the drink from him, downing the remainder in one swallow. She looked back at Seth teasingly. "Let's just say," she began, wrapping her arms around his neck. "That hypothetically speaking you were thinking about me, what would said thoughts contain?"
"Well," Seth said smiling again at the intended cheekiness of her question. "They would, of course, be all questioning how any woman could possibly win over this swingin' bachelors heart, let alone share his bathroom, hid pool and his bed without him going completely mental."
Rachel looked at his playfully. "You just can't resist the thought of walking in on me getting dressed."
Seth thought for a long time. "Yep, the would be it."
It was then that a woman approached them smiling at Seth and giving Rachel a quick once over. "Seth, how are you?"
Seth grinned back recognising the woman as Karen, an attorney from his fathers old firm. He could recall her being a guest at many dinner parties over the years, mostly those to do with charity.
"Good," he replied. "This is Rachel."
Karen nodded at the girl perched on Seth's lap. "Nice to meet you."
"Likewise," Rachel replied.
She turned back to Seth. "You know I wouldn't normally ask," Karen stated. "But I have to go and discuss something with Caleb and I need someone to watch Emily just while I'm gone."
Seth only then noticed the young girl hiding behind Karen's leg. She peeped out and gave him a shy smile before disappearing again. He let out a small laugh and looked at Karen.
"I'd ask your parents but they're…"
"Too busy getting drunk," Seth ended jokingly.
Karen smiled. "Please, it would mean a lot and I won't be gone long."
Seth stammered for a moment not knowing exactly how to reply. If Rachel hadn't been with him then there would have been no problem but there was something about her own ordeal with losing a child that made him stop and…
"Sure." Seth looked at Rachel completely shocked by her answer. She gazed back at him running her fingers through his hair and gave him a smile. "Seth has a knack for taking care of people." It was easy for Seth to pick up the double meaning in her words.
"Thank you so much," Karen said. "Em, baby you can stay here with Seth and Rachel for a little while."
Rachel moved off Seth's lap and crouched before the little girl as she revealed herself and Karen left. "Hey sweetie, you can stay here with us for a while."
Emily giggled at Rachel's words before pulling her close by her wrist as if to whisper but in reality spoke at a normal volume. "He's handsome," she stuttered looking at Seth.
Rachel couldn't help but grin at the youngster, no older than six, as she attempted the long word. She turned at gazed at Seth. "I know," she replied.
Emily laughed again and Seth smiled back at his companion.
Hours passed and before long it was time for Sandy and Kirsten to take up the podium and thank their guests. Silence fell over the garden as Summer and Marissa joined Seth, Ryan and Rachel at the front of the crowd. Rachel offered Marissa a smile, which was returned warmly.
"Thankyou," Sandy began. "We won't take up much of your time because we know how much you'd all rather be drinking than listening to us."
"Here, Here!" Seth chanted loudly causing Kirsten to look at him strongly.
"Those of us who are old enough to drink," she said jokingly.
"Anyway," Sandy continued. "Both Kirsten and I would just like to say a few words of thanks. Firstly to everyone who came today, our close friends and relatives and work colleagues. It's not often we all come together like this and it doesn't involve the opening of something, or a charity event. So thank you all for taking some time out to celebrate with us."
"We just wanted free booze!" Seth called out receiving a swift elbow from Rachel.
"Thank you Rachel," Sandy said with smile. "Most of all thankyou to the three young adults standing in front of us. None of this would have been possible without our beautiful kids standing by us. Not that they're kids any more. They've all grown up quicker than we would have hoped but in ways we could have only imagined. You've all proven just how special you are, no matter how you became a part of our lives. You never fail to surprise us. Whether it's caring for the people around you or caring for each other, a moment never goes by where you have to question just what you all mean to us and to each other."
Summer smiled at Kirsten's words looking over to see Seth with an arm around Rachel's waist and Ryan with an arm around her shoulders. They all had smiles on their faces. Ryan's almost a sad one.
"And now at least I'm not so outnumbered by the boys," Kirsten piped in causing Rachel and the rest of the guests to laugh. "But like Sandy was saying, the love you three show each other is enough to make any parents proud. It's unconditional and endless and more powerful than anything either of us have ever experienced. And we give it straight back to all of you. Seth, Ryan and Rachel, you're our children, and we give back the love to you that you give to each other. Unconditionally."
Seth awoke late that night of the party to find Rachel sitting by the window staring out into the darkness. He quickly climbed out of bed and wondered over to her.
"Did I wake you?" she asked softly as she felt his fingertips brush along her bare shoulders.
Seth shook his head, he could tell she'd been crying. "You okay?"
Rachel let on a small smile turning to look at him. "I will be, go back to bed."
Seth watched her closely. "Do you want to go for a walk?"
"What?" Rachel asked with a laugh. "Where?"
"Wherever you want."
"Seth, it's three in the morning," she stated.
Seth tilted his head slightly. "Believe me, I'm well aware of that," he replied. "Come on, get dressed"
Rachel stared at him for a long moment not quite sure what his plan was exactly. Nevertheless, she walked over to the dresser, pulling one draw open before spotting a piece of paper which had fallen from the top.
Leaning over she picked up the object, flipping it over to reveal a picture of herself and…Trey. Rachel froze. She'd never seen the photo before. She couldn't even remember it being taken.
"He asked me to give it to you. It was what he wanted to show you in the car." Seth's voice floated into her consciousness.
Rachel stared blankly at the image before looking up at Seth in disbelief. "You…how…?" Her brow furrowed. "He…"
Seth took a wary step forward. "He found me the day before the thing at the beach," he explained noting the disbelief on her face. "I didn't want to tell you what had happened just in case you…"
Rachel swallowed hard before nodding her head slowly. "It was Ry's birthday," she whispered so softly that barely any words came out at all. "I remember."
Seth watched as a slow stream of tears trickled down her cheeks. He let out a long sigh before stepping forward and taking her into his arms. But just as he went to rest his head against hers Rachel pulled away and stared at him. Her expression resembled one of confusion, as though she'd only just remembered that he was there in the room with her.
"I'm so sick of this," she said.
"Of what?" Seth asked trying to hide how her reaction had hurt him.
Rachel looked up at him taking a step backward. "I just can't let it go, and I don't know why."
"You watched someone be shot, of course it's going to…"
"I've seen it before," she admitted causing Seth to look at her shocked. "It's not new."
Seth looked closely at her. "It was your brother not some thug who thought Chino was his war field."
Rachel gazed at him. "I know," she said softly pausing to take in a calming breath before continuing. "I miss him."
Seth nodded in understanding. "I missed you."
He moved toward her placing a light kiss on her forehead before Rachel pressed herself close to him taking in a long breath and finally letting him comfort her.
"There's gonna be a rainbow!" Rachel squealed as she ran through the run-down garden, rain pouring from the sky.
Ryan blocked the shot as Trey aimed a lay-up at the make-shift basketball net they had managed to construct from a flat bike tire. He turned momentarily to look at the ten year old girl, part of him so uninterested in what she was saying.
"Hey, we playing or not?" Trey asked demandingly.
He didn't try to hide the fact that as a young teen he had the most power over the two in the garden with him. A few years older than Ryan, Trey was not in the habit of controlling his siblings.
Rachel ran up to them both, stealing the ball and throwing it as far as she could. "I win, get over it!"
Trey hit Ryan upside the head. "Go get it stupid."
"Don't call him that," Rachel stated.
Trey stared at her. "Shut up."
Rachel stopped short at his words. Within only moments her face had turned from shock to anger and she punched him hard in the chest just like Ryan had taught her.
"I hate you!" she screamed.
"Yeah?" Trey asked. "Well I hate you too. Deal with it."
"Trey, just shut up and play," Ryan finally spoke.
"You don't care about me," Rachel continued. "You're my brother, you're supposed to care about me." She pushed him back hard. "Why don't you care about me? All you care about is yourself."
Finally, Trey picked up the basketball and threw it violently, missing Rachel by inches. "Grow the hell up Rachel!"
Rachel sat watching the ocean the morning after the party as the waves crashed upon the shore. Looking out across the sand she could just make out the images of Sandy and Kirsten. Somewhere close by Ryan and Seth were buying tools to build a sandcastle just to prove the point that neither of them had a mature bone in their body. She had been left alone for a while waiting for them to return. Waiting, just as she always seemed to, for what was coming next.
Ryan had always told her that the stronger people were, the bigger their weaknesses. Part of her knew he was right. She knew that no matter what there was nothing that she could do about their past, about their weakness. She couldn't change what had happened, how many people she had hurt, how many people she had lost.
There were people around her however, who had made the choice to become the strong holds to her weaknesses. Sandy, Kirsten, Luke, Summer, even Marissa had all began to be the material to mend all the wrong. And Seth…he had the choice to love her and still did.
The moment the thought had passed she felt a small kiss being placed on her neck before it was nuzzled affectionately. "You got what we need?" she asked laughing slightly at how he tickled her.
"Mmm," Seth replied absently. "Sent Ryan to give it to my parents." Rachel glanced at the tiny figures in the distance, seeing the large objects Ryan was carrying. "You okay?"
Rachel turned to face him and smiled and genuine smile. "Yeah."
Seth nodded before kissing her. "You ready to build a mighty fortress?"
Rachel raised a single eyebrow. "I highly doubt a Seth Cohen made sandcastle will be mighty."
Seth's hand flew to his heart dramatically and he fell back onto the sand. "You wound me, right here." He thumped his chest. "I can't even muster a masterful comeback I'm so hurt." His eyes went wide as Rachel looked on in amusement. "Oh the pain, the pain of it all!" He let his body slump, eyes rolling back, tongue hanging out of his mouth.
After a long pause he opened one eye to see Rachel smirking down at him. "Not exactly Oscar Award winning," she said. "More like, The Valley meets 91210."
Seth frowned and leaned up on his elbows. "But I'm better looking than the guys on those shows."
Rachel smiled leaning in closer. "Works for me," she said leaning in close and teasing him slightly. "You gonna drop the act yet?" She asked kissing him.
Seth scrunched up his nose. "Not sure," he replied. "Give me one more."
She kissed him again.
"And…one more."
And again.
Seth smiled inwardly. "And just one…"
But before he could finish his sentence Rachel slapped him hard across the arm. "You little perve."
"What did I say?" he asked grinning.
"Ry' would cut you into little pieces if he knew some of the things you do."
Seth nodded his head leaning in close as though it would make what he said even more believable. "Ryan knows a lot of things I do and I still have all my pieces."
Rachel tilted her head. "You're just lucky he's known you longer than I have because otherwise he would be hunting you down with a pick-axe."
"Ooh, slice-n-dice- Seth," he replied in wonder. "What kind of burger could they make me into?"
"They'd feed you to the dogs," Rachel joked.
Seth put on an over the top, forced laugh. "You know you'd eat me any day."
Rachel screwed up her nose. "In the words of Summer…ew."
Seth leaned back in shock. "You do that too well."
She laughed before being cut off by his lips on hers. There was nothing like being with Seth. Nothing like knowing that no matter what nothing between them had changed. Nothing like seeing there were genuinely good people in the world.
"Some of us are actually waiting to build a sandcastle."
Rachel tore away from Seth at the sound of Ryan's voice behind them. "We were coming…"
"Yeah," Seth stated. "Ready to build a mighty fortress." He helped Rachel stand. "Seeing as you're here now Ryan I'll race you back."
Both Ryan and Rachel gave him and odd look "Are you serious?" Rachel asked.
"Go!" Seth cried dashing off toward his parents.
Rachel looked at her brother and laughed before he said to her. "If he does anything more than kiss you…"
Rachel only rolled her eyes and Ryan's attempt to be brotherly and jumped onto his back wrapping her arms around his neck so he could carry her. "You're about a year and a half too late Ry', and you know it."
"We'll see about that," he replied before taking off after Seth.
Rachel screamed with laughter as Ryan streaked across the sand. On catching up to Seth, Ryan eventually tossed Rachel off his back and she landed on the sand beside Kirsten.
"Wow, that was classy," she mumbled.
"I, Seth Cohen, outran Ryan Atwood?" Seth asked with amazement as Rachel moved up to sit beside him.
"You didn't have to carry her," he stated pointing to his sister and sitting down beside Sandy who was unwrapping the picnic which they had set up.
"I'm not that heavy," Rachel protested.
Ryan looked at her. "You're heavy enough."
"You calling me fat?"
Sandy laughed then. "Be very careful about how you answer this one Ryan."
"Well…?" Rachel said.
Ryan smiled at her. "Yeah."
Rachel's eyes narrowed. "You and me, later buddy and I'm going to kick your ass."
"Ooh, this could get ugly," Seth chimed in.
"Well before anyone gets a black eye how about we get stuck into this food," Kirsten suggested causing both Ryan and Rachel to stop paying attention to each other.
Everyone reached in and began to fill their plates with salad and cold meats chatting about the previous night as they did. Rachel sat back and watched for a moment, her mind trailing back to that day in the backyard with Ryan and Trey. She couldn't shake the feeling that maybe that was where it had all began. The reason why she'd tried to become an adult too quickly.
After everything that had happened things finally seemed to have become exactly how she had wished them to be when she was child. When she played outside with her brothers, when she ran through the rain or cried herself to sleep listening to the abuse of AJ.
"You going to eat something?" Seth asked wrapping an arm around Rachel.
She snapped out of her thoughts and leaned in to take a piece of fruit. As she did she caught Ryan's eye and he smiled warmly at her. The protector. The one who was there. The only one who was still there and yet for some reason that didn't matter. He was the only person Rachel felt she needed now anyway.
Rachel watched the family eat. Her family. The ones who truly did care. Who loved her. Who supported her. A smile came over Rachel's face as she moved closer to Seth and took a bite of her apple.
She had grown up and now all that was left to do was to live.
To live the life she'd always intended to.
With her family.
THE END…
(Wow, it's been a long ass journey – and an even longer chapter – but we've finally come to the end. Well at least until someone gives me the inspiration to write more. But I would like to do one big thank you to all my reviewers and all the people who have supported this story from the beginning, even through the not so great parts. It means a lot to me that you guys enjoy my writing so thanks. Cheers Amanda!)