Beating the odds

by LioSky

Something was going on with Mike, and it wasn't anything good. He felt it, and Harvey had noticed it. It was not like it was the first time either. But this time it was nothing that either of them could control. As it turns out Mike is sick, really sick. He is going to need help, and a lot of it.

3. Chapter 3 - Pressure

Chapter 3.

Mike woke up almost an hour before his alarm was set to go off. The first moments he was awake he felt confused as to why his eyes felt dry and he had headache, but then the events of the day before came crushing down on him. He had cancer! He felt as if something heavy was laying across his chest, and he wasn't sure if it was his imagination or not. And before he could stop himself he felt his eyes tearing up. He turned in the bed and buried his face into the pillows and tried with all he had to clear his head and go back to sleep. But after a few minutes he knew that it wouldn't work. He needed a distraction. He didn't want to think about it. He got up and went to the bathroom and took a painkiller for the headache. He walked out into the living room and saw the brochures from his doctor laying on the floor next to the couch. He walked over and picked them up. He stood for a while with them in his hand, staring at them. "Fighting Cancer", "Understanding cancer – Diagnose and treatment". The words were screaming at him. He grabbed a newspaper and put the brochures underneath it. He didn't want to see them. Not yet. He found the note from his doctor with the time and place for the appointment with his oncologist. It was at four. It was a stupid time, he would have to come up with some excuse to leave during the day. He was not going to tell them the truth. He didnt think he could do that, not yet anyway. He had come really close to tell Donna, but then Harvey had interrupted. How would she have reacted? He wasn't really sure. And Harvey, what would he say? He had a hard time imagine what the other man would say. What do you say, really?
He shock his head a bit and went to get dressed. He tried to think about something else. Which tie to wear? Since he had no appetite at all he just got dressed and left for work in a cab.

As soon as he got to work he took up the case files from the day before and started to go through them. He needed to keep himself busy, so he wouldn't have time to think. He did not want to think. It actually worked pretty well, at least until Louis came.

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Harvey had been up late the night before. He had brought some work with him home. He had intended to dump it on Mike, but when he went to the kids cubical he wasn't there. He had been thinking about calling him and asking why the hell he had left before Harvey himself did, without saying anything. But he had stopped himself. Donna was right, something was up with Mike. He had known that of course, but he didn't want to acknowledge it, because that meant that he would have to do something about it. And that would probably mean that he should yell some at the kid and force him to tell him what his latest problem was. But somehow he didn't want to do that. Mike had looked a bit weird, different somehow. More than usual. He had looked so upset and sad. Harvey had been thinking about that the other night. More than he cared to admit even to himself. He had to talk to Mike about what was bothering him. But he didn't want to be too soft on the kid. That was not his thing. But they needed to have a talk.

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"I want you to get these done by noon." Louis through a folder down on Mike's desk, right across the paper he was proofing. Mike took it and moved it to the side.

"I will get right on it as soon as I'm finished with this, Loius."

"Yeah, no I don't think so. You will do these first."

Mike sighed and rubbed his forehead. He had a headache.

"I will have them done by lunch. Now can you please go Louis?" He didn't want to argue. Louis apparently did though.

"You should watch your tone with me Mr. Ross. You know I have more where those files came from, I was just being nice giving you only this one."

Mike glared at him. "Nice? Sure, Louis. This is hours of work!"

"Well, you better start then. If you don't get that done by noon Mike, well who knows how long you will be here?

That was it for Mike and he stood up so violently that his chair almost fell over. "Yeah Louis, how knows?" he nearly yelled. He pushed past Louis and headed down the corridor.

"Where are you going?" Louis called after him, but he didn't answer. He stormed to the bathroom and pushed the door open and the slammed it shut behind him. After making sure it the room was empty he leaned against the wall and tried to calm himself down. He felt so angry. He knew that it had been a good thing that he left Louis when he did. Otherwise he might have said something that he couldn't take back later. Even though some part of him knew that if he told them what was going on they would understand. But he didn't want to tell them. Not yet.

He splashed water in his face in an attempt to calm himself down. He leaned against the sink while letting the cold water drop off his face. He took a few deep breaths before he left the bathroom and went back to his desk. Louis wasn't anywhere in sight thankfully. He just wanted to be left alone.

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Mike was feeling weird. It was something wrong with him. Well, of course it was something wrong, he had cancer. But something was wrong at this moment. His chest was hurting whenever he breathed in. He started to notice it about an hour earlier, but he thought it was just some delayed reaction to stress or something. But now it was really starting to hurt. He rubbed his chest a bit in an attempt to ease the pain. It didn't help at all. What was going on? He was starting to sweat as well, he felt really warm. He looked around to see if anyone was watching, but they weren't. He opened his bag and fished out some pain meds he had stuffed in there earlier. He quickly took one and dry swallowed it, praying for the ache to go away. It was hard to concentrate. He stared down on the papers before him. He read a few sentences but found that he wasn't really taking in what was written. He screwed his eyes shut and took a few deep breaths. It really was hurting now.

"What are you doing?" It was Harvey. He quickly looked up at the man and sat straighter in his chair while he tried to scold his features to look normal.

"Eh.. working?" he probably didn't sound convincing and Harvey looked at him for a long moment. It looked like he was about to say something, but then he changed his mind. Mike couldn't read the expression on his face.

"Good." He said, and turned around and walked away. Mike resisted the sudden urge to call him back.

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Harvey had gone to Mike to yell at him. It had been his intention. Maybe not to yell, but at least tell him off. He had had a visit from Louis earlier, and it had not been a pleasant conversation. Louis accused Harvey of not having his associate under control. He told him that Mike had been acting weird and had stormed away from him. He knew Mike had a hard time standing Louis but he usually never disrespected the man. But what had Harvey worried was when Louis mentioned that Mike had said something about not being here for long anyway. That got Harvey pissed. Sure Louis was not the most reliable source, but what the hell was the kid talking about? He knew better than to snap at Louis like that. Harvey had taught him better than that. And what was with not being here for long anymore. Harvey had put too much on the line for that kid to just throw it away. That led him to go and find his associate as soon as Louis left.

He knew that something was going on with Mike, especially after the day before. But whatever it was he should be able to handle it without getting in trouble with Louis. He needed to know what was going on. Mike was sitting at his desk, unmoving staring down on some papers. He could see, even from a distance that he wasn't reading it. He was just staring at it. The expression he wore on his face looked pained, and he was sitting stiffly in his chair. Then he suddenly screwed his eyes shut and took a few breath, all while Harvey was walking up to his desk. Mike startled a bit when he spoke, and he looked like he made an effort to appear like nothing had happened. Harvey looked at him for a long time. Something had changed in Mike. He found that he couldn't really place what it was that was different, but he had some sort of pained, almost a hint of desperation in his eyes. And Harvey suddenly didn't want to yell at the kid anymore. Whatever it was it could be handled some other time. For now he would give Mike some space to figure out what was going on. If things didn't worked out he would handle it later, but he guessed that the kid had earned the right to get it together himself first. And he didn't feel like yelling at this second anyway.

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As soon as Harvey disappeared around the corner Mike went up from his desk, grabbed his phone and went to an empty conference room. His whole chest was hurting. It was like someone had taken spiky chains and wrapped them so tight around his chest that he barely could breath. He was drawing in short breaths to make it as painless as possible. It wasn't really working. The painkillers weren't working either apparently. He called his doctor and when she answered he explained what was going on. She didn't sound all that worried, which calmed Mike down a bit. Maybe this was normal? But she assured him that he shouldn't have to be in that much pain, and that he could come in earlier than his appointment and they would help him out. For a while he thought of saying no, but then he took a breath and changed his mind. It was pretty bad, and he didn't really see the point with hurting anymore if there were something that could be done about it. So he answered her that he would be there as soon as he could. He hadn't finished Louis files, but he decided to take his changes with that. He couldn't really concentrate anyway, so he left.

When Mike stepped inside the hospital he picked up his phone from his pocket and glanced it before turning it off. He had once missed call from Harvey. He hadn't heard it in the cab on his way over. But he didn't really feel like talking to Harvey. He would probably just yell at him again. He didn't need that at this moment. And besides, the pain in his chest was not getting any better and it made it hard to concentrate on anything else. The cab driver had looked at him worriedly but hadn't said anything when he leaned heavily against the car to pay his fair.

Standing there, waiting, in line for the reception made him aware on just how nervous he felt. This whole situation felt surreal. He was panting at this point, and didn't even try to stop it. The lady in front of him in the line turned around suddenly with a concerned look on her face. She was bold with big earrings in shapes of triangles that almost reached her shoulders.

"Maybe you should head to the front?" she suggested "you don't sound all that good." He managed a smile and made a wage gesture that he was fine, but she gently took his arm and dragged him to the front of the line, and a few minutes later Mike found himself laying down in an exam room waiting to be seen. Things were a bit blurry after that. He recognized his doctor from before who examined him and hooked him up for an IV, which she said would help. All he needed to do was relax. Apparently he had done just that, because when he woke up again, the stabbing pain in his chest had gone down to be uncomfortable but manageable.

"Hi Mike," his doctor said, "Are you awake?" she didn't wait for him to respond and he assumed that she knew he was awake somehow. "I would like you to meet Doctor Lundin, your oncologist."

Mike looked towards the door were an older man with grey hair was just entering. He went straight up to Mike and grabbed his hand to shake it.

"Hi Mike, it is nice to meet you, I'm going to be your doctor. I understand that you are in quite a lot of pain at the moment. How about we see to that and then we talk?" He asked with a smile on his face.

"Sounds good." Mike said, and just then realized that they were still holding hands. He must have grabbed on to it without thinking about it. The doctor didn't seemed faced with it at all when he hastily let go.

Some twenty minutes later after some meds distributed by a nurse and a nap Mike felt better than he had during the whole day. Though when he first woke up he was confused and almost panicked for a moment when he didn't remember where he was. And not remembering had really scared him, even if it only took a few seconds for him to realize that he was at the hospital and was drugged up. He didn't hurt anymore, but felt a bit drowsy.

He had just gotten up in a sitting position when dr Lundin stepped into The Room again.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"I'm good" he started, but after a Stern look of the man in front of him he continued "I mean that i feel better now."

"Okay, that's good enough for me. Do you feel up for a trip to my office?" Mike did. Dr Lundin's office was just as Mike had pictured it with a desk and bookshelf's full of folders and medical journals. On The Walls was pictures of what looked like tumors in different shapes and sizes, which to Mike felt a bit creepy.

"So Mike..." The doctor began "I understand you got your primarily test result yesterday?" He continued after Mike's nod, "What you and I will discuss what the next step for you is now. I know it is a lot to take in, and just interrupt if you have questions or wish to talk more about something, okay?"

Mike nodded again.

"We will start with getting so much information possible about your medical history and your cancer. We will also do some more test and something called a staging, which is when we determine how your cancer is spreading. We will also decide what sort of treatment that will be suitable in your case." He paused. "Are you ready to step into this world Mike?" He asked. He was not smiling now.

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Harvey looked at the clock again. The meeting was about to start in 15 minutes and Mike was not there yet. He was also not picking up his phone, apparently he had turned it off. He wanted to be angry at the kid, he really did. But somehow he couldn't help but feeling a tinge of worry. He couldn't really explain it, but he knew something was wrong. Mike probably had a reason for his behavior. But Harvey had told him to come to him if he had any problems, and he hadn't. But now he was skipping out of meetings, disappear in the middle of the workday without telling anyone and now his phone was off. What the hell was the kid doing? Harvey had cut him some slack earlier and hadn't yelled and everything. He thought that Mike knew that. But now he did this! The more he thought about it the angrier he felt. It was time for him to leave for the meeting now, and there were still no sign of Mike, and when he tried his phone again for the last time, it was still turned off. That was it Harvey thought as he stood up from his desk. The kid had earned himself a yelling as soon as he showed his face again.

The meeting was a disaster. The client was unreasonable and they didn't get anywhere in the negotiation. Harvey had more than once whished that Mike had been there to back him up. Mike could be pretty helpful when it came to dealing with emotional people, not that Harvey ever would admit that to Mike. This made Harvey in a bad mood when he got back to the office almost three hours later. As he passed the cubicles where the associates were sitting he saw Mike sitting there, looking like he was doing nothing, something in him snapped and he stormed up to him and without looking at him snapped at the kid to follow him. He didn't look back at all but could hear Mike trailing along behind him. He didn't say anything either.

The two men passed Donna, who looked up at them, but didn't say anything. Harvey stepped inside his office and waited until Mike had closed the door behind him. He chose to remain standing in front of his desk as Mike stayed close to the door. He wouldn't meet Harvey's eyes, instead he kept staring down at his feet. It pissed Harvey off even more.

"Where the hell were you today Mike? You missed the whole damn meeting." He was actually pretty proud of himself that he sounded so calm. Mike didn't answer.

"I asked you a question." Mike kept refusing to meet his eyes, and kept quiet. "What the hell is wrong with you? I give you chance after chance but you keep screwing everything up! How hard is it to have your damn phone on, or show up to a meeting?" He was almost yelling by now, and Mike had taken a few steps back. "Answer me!"

"What do you want me to say Harvey? I'm sorry I missed the meeting okay! But I had too, it wasn't my fault, I was…"

"Oh it wasn't your fault?!" Harvey interrupted. "No, it is always something else that you have no control over, things just happen with you, don't they? Honestly Mike, when are you going to start taking responsibility for your own shit? Because I'm just about done with you at the moment."

He stopped and watched the other man. Mike was staring at him with wide eyes and a slightly open mouth. For a few moments they just stood there and looked at each other, before Mike shock his head a bit, as if waking himself up.

"You know what Harvey, just shut up will you?!" He suddenly yelled. "You have no idea what I'm going through, I'm dealing the best I can. I've been busting my ass for you, and just because I miss a meeting you yell at me and put me down." He was breathing harshly and his face was turning red from anger. Harvey just looked at him. Mike looked like he was going to continue his yelling, but then turned around. "You don't even stop to ask if something is wrong." He said in almost a whisper.

"Well, that's not my job. My job is to…"

"Am I fired?" Mike interrupted.

"I should fire you. You have been a piss poor associate lately."

"But?"

"You miss one other meeting…"

"I'm fired."

"You are fired." Before Mike could say anything else Harvey continued, "Get out of here, and do your crap for Louis, you are off my case."

Mike didn't even look at him as he left the office. Harvey cursed to himself and sat down and let out a sigh. Damn that kid!

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Mike sat down at his desk. He felt empty. This day might just be one of the worst he ever experienced. Well, almost. The meeting with the doctor had made him feel exhausted. There had been so many questions to answer and so much information that he almost didn't know how to handle everything. But it was like he had been on autopilot and just answered every question and nodded when it felt appropriate to do so. They had also done more tests on him, to determine different things. He didn't want to think about it. He now also had three bottles of different pills in his messenger bag. He didn't really know what they were for. He felt like everything was spinning out of control, like his life all of a sudden was out of reach for him. Like nothing he did would enable him to take back control. He was just along for the ride now.

He had been eager to get back to work after almost three hours at the hospital. At least he knew what to do there and what was expected of him. But he had only been at his desk for ten minutes before Harvey showed up and had taken him to his office and had started yelling about some meeting. Mike didn't even know what client it was, and it scared him more than anything else had that day. The one thing he was supposed to have control over! Harvey's words had cut deep into him at first, to later cause anger in him. Then despair. What would he do if Harvey fired him? He would have nothing at all left. Nothing! But he wasn't fired. Not yet at least. But Harvey didn't want him on his case anymore. And Harvey's job wasn't to ask Mike if he was doing all right. That wasn't anyone's job. He wished it was though. He wished it more than he ever wished for something. He felt tears burning in his eyes and tried to blink them away. He didn't want to think. He needed to distract himself before he burst. He took a few deep breaths and rubbed his eyes hard. He looked around and saw that no one really noticed him. Of course they didn't. He surprised himself when he actually managed to focus on Louis files during the rest of the day.

He didn't see Harvey at all during those hours. He had wanted Harvey to come by so that they could make peace, he wanted to joke with Harvey and quote movies. He wanted something normal, something else to think about than this new world that he had just stepped into, as his doctor had said. And it really was a whole new world. He had an appointment for the next morning again. As he left the office he debated if he should stop by Harvey's office, just to see if they could talk. If only Harvey wasn't so pissed at him. He knew that Harvey would understand if he told him. Part of him had wanted to just blurt it out during all that yelling before, but it didn't feel right. It somehow felt like a cheap move to through the cancer in Harvey's face like that. But Mike wanted Harvey to know. But he didn't know how to tell him. If he told him everything would change. It was going to be real. The cancer would then be present in every part of his life. And he didn't want it to be that just yet. Maybe they could just talk about something else. He could make up some lie about why he missed that damn meeting, and then things would be okay between them. He needed things to be okay. But Harvey's office was empty. He would have to wait until the next day.

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Hej guys! I just wanted to thank you for all your reviews and follows and favorites! I really appreciate it. I also wanted to talk a bit about my thoughts about this story. I really like to explore emotions so the story will focus mainly on that. Also since I don't know so much about the medical parts (thankfully), I'm not planing on getting into that so much at the moment. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!