Beating the odds

by LioSky

Something was going on with Mike, and it wasn't anything good. He felt it, and Harvey had noticed it. It was not like it was the first time either. But this time it was nothing that either of them could control. As it turns out Mike is sick, really sick. He is going to need help, and a lot of it.

8. Chapter 8 - Up and down

Chapter 8.

Harvey woke before Mike the next day. He had known that he would. It hadn't been a great night. He was stiff, with an aching back from a night in an armchair. He kind of wished that he didn't had to go to work. One thing was for sure at least, and that was that Mike was not coming with him. The kid really needed all the rest he could get. He would let Mike take the day today. Maybe it would help him a bit. He hoped it would.

Harvey got up, had breakfast and got dressed. He felt drained, and kind of wished that he could stay at home too, but he knew that he couldn't. Then he decided to wake Mike up. They needed to talk before he left.

"Mike, wake up." He said pretty loud. He got no response what so ever from Mike. He had to shake him a bit before he groaned and turned on his back and looked up at Harvey. He blinked a couple of times before he sat up.

"You with me?" Harvey asked.

"Yeah, sure. Why didn't you wake me sooner? You are already dressed." Mike stated and rubbed his eyes a bit, like a little kid.

"Yes I am. I'm going to work, and you are not."

"What?! Are you firing me? Harvey you can't do that!"

"Oh calm down, would you. I'm not going to fire you." Of course the kid would jump to that conclusion. Had Harvey really damaged him that much that Mike's first thought always was that he was getting fired? "You are going to take the day Mike."

"What? No. I don't need that." Mike said. "I can work."

"Well, even if you can, you won't today. You will stay here and you will take it easy Mike."

"But I am not…" Harvey cut him off.

"You are staying. It's not up for discussion."

Mike sighed and sank down into a laying position again. They were quiet for a while.

"How are you doing?" Harvey asked.

"Better than yesterday." Was all Mike said, which wasn't saying a lot.

"All right," Harvey said. "I want you to get up, have some breakfast and take your pills. Then you are going to stay here and rest. No work for you today."

"Fine." Mike said and sounded pretty annoyed.

"Look Mike." Harvey sighed and then paused for a while. "I wanted to tell you that things have changed now, okay. I want you to talk to me about stuff from now on. If there is something that is bothering you in any way I want you to tell me about it. I need to know about these things now."

"What things?"

"Well, if you are not feeling well, if you are in some kind of pain or if something else is wrong. I want you to come and talk to me. Are we clear?"

Mike didn't look at him at first, but when Harvey repeated himself he met his eyes.

"Okay Harvey." Was all he said. Then he closed his eyes.

"Good." Harvey said awkwardly. "Call me if there is something. I'm going."

"Bye." Mike said in a quiet voice.

Harvey got up from his seat next to him and slowly made his way to the front door. He hesitated for a while in the kitchen area, but then with a last glance at Mike he left the condo. He was laying on the couch staring up into the ceiling. When he closed the door behind him he found himself standing in front of it hesitating. It didn't feel right to just leave like that. That person in there on his couch was not the Mike he knew from just a few weeks ago. This current Mike had barely talked back to him like the old Mike would have, he had just resigned to what Harvey told him. He really needed to do something about that. But that would have to wait, he was unusually late at this point. He left.

– SUITS –

Mike spent probably an hour just lying there on the couch staring up at the ceiling, before he finally got up and went to the kitchen. Harvey didn't have that much food that he wanted to eat. He probably opened every cupboard, so he knew. Eventually he just took something and took the necessary pills.

He didn't really know what to do after that. What he did know was that he needed to do something to distract himself. He tried to find something to read and looked around in Harvey's apartment. He found some books and magazines, and it worked as a distraction for a couple of hours.

The day passed slowly. He watched some TV and slept a bit. Harvey had called him around lunch, apparently just to order him to eat something.

He had kind of hoped that Harvey would be home to have lunch with him. It was so boring to be alone. He didn't like it at all. Before all of this he would have been thrilled to be allowed to stay at Harvey's place by himself. If nothing else, so for the view.

Late in the afternoon he found himself out on the balcony. He was standing there looking out over the city. Lights were shining from windows and streetlights. The city was blooming with life, and it was making him sad. The fact was that it would go on and on, and nothing would stop it from doing so. It would go on without him as well, it wouldn't even notice his absence.

Before he knew it he had been standing there for over an hour. A few tears slip down his cheeks. He had to step inside because he was freezing by now. He found a blanket and draped it over his shoulders. He sat down on the couch, and thought a while about turning on the TV, but decided against it in the end. He didn't feel up for it. In fact he didn't feel up for anything. He just felt sad and a bit angry. He was just sitting there and waiting for something to happen, for Harvey to come back home. He didn't want to be alone anymore. He felt tears well up in his eyes again. Again and again. He was crying all the fucking time. He didn't even no way. It was really annoying. He never used to cry like this before. Sure, once in a while he had shredded some tears, but he could probably count the times he had done that before the whole cancer thing. Or actually he knew exactly how many times it was. He remembered every time. Not that it helped him at all now, to think about those times.

The last time he had cried in front of anyone else before all of this, was when Rachel came and told him that Grammy had passed away. And now, just in a few days he had been crying in front of Harvey three times! And a bit in front of that nice taxi driver just after he found out.

Harvey must think that he was crazy, or sensitive or weak or whatever! It was so embarrassing to cry in front of Harvey. He didn't want to do that. He hated it in fact. But every time it had happened he hadn't been able to help it. The tears just came. And at the moment, while he was crying, it had felt good. It had felt better afterwards.

But what was Harvey thinking about it? Did he think it was okay? He had, after all acted like it had been okay. He had comforted him. He hadn't commented at all. Maybe he thought it was all right then. Maybe he should talk to Harvey about it. He had said that he wanted Mike to talk to him about stuff, even things that weren't cancer-related. He had said that things had changed and that he wanted to know everything. Could he talk about the crying? After all Mike had had pretty good reasons for each time he had done it. That one time when he had told Harvey, it had been very hard to talk about it, and to finally tell someone about it. And then the other time he had been kind of out of it to be able to control it, and he guessed that he had needed it at the time. And now yesterday had been because of that dream about Grammy he had had. He had just been so disappointed when he realized that it was just a dream, and that she wasn't there.

He had cried a lot of times when nobody was there as well. Now when he thought about it, every time he had really wished that somebody had been there with him, like he did now. Maybe that was the reason that he cried. It was also the stuff with that he was dying and things, but he really felt alone.

He felt alone now. He curled into himself and buried himself down in the pillows on the couch. He guessed that he might as well give in to it, now when nobody was here. After all, it felt better when he could just let it out. And if crying was something that made him feel better for the moment, that was what he was going to do. Right at this moment it was all he had and all he could do.

– SUITS –

Harvey had been working in his office for about twenty minutes when Donna opened the door to his office, stepped inside and closed it behind her.

"So, when are you going to tell me what is going on here?" she asked.

"Going on where?" Harvey deflected.

"Oh don't even try Harvey. You know perfectly well what I mean."

"Which is what Donna?"

"Where is Mike?" She asked and stared at him. Then she came and sat down in front of him and waited.

"Donna!"

"Harvey! I know that something is going on, and I would like to know what it is."

"All right. Yes, something is going on. But honestly Donna, it is not my place to tell."

"What are you talking about? Are you going to keep things from me?"

"It is up to Mike to tell you. And he will when he is ready. You are going to wait until he is." He told her, aware of that this was something that never had happened between them before. She always knew what he knew. She looked straight into his eyes for a long time and he held her look. Eventually she nodded.

"I will wait for him to tell me then." She said, got up and left his office before he could say anything else. He sighed. He wanted to just tell her. He wanted to confide in her, get her support and input on how to handle the situation. But as for now, he would just have to wait until Mike told her. He should just get back to work now.

Work didn't go well. He had a hard time concentrating. His mind kept wandering back to Mike. He didn't really like the thought of that Mike was alone at his apartment. Not that he was worried about his apartment, but he didn't think that Mike was in a good state of mind. After all, how could he be?

At lunch he decided to give the kid a call, just to make sure that he had eaten something. Mike picked up on the forth signal.

"Yeah?" he said.

"What were you doing?"

"What? Nothing." Mike answered and sounded a bit annoyed.

"Have you eaten anything?"

"Not yet."

"Well, you should do that. There is food in the fridge. I give you permission to take whatever you want."

"Oh, thanks." Mike said sarcastically.

"Have you taken your meds?"

"Yes. Harvey."

"Good boy."

"Shut up."

"With a language like that I would be careful." Harvey threatened.

"What, because you will fire me if I talk back to you?"

"I will consider it, yes."

"You can't fire a sick person Harvey. I'll just sue you and win!"

The continued to banter for a while, until Harvey decided to end the call.

"You should go and rest or whatever. I have work to do."

"You are the one who called me." Mike reminded him.

"See you later kid."

"Okay…"

Harvey hung up.

After the phone call he was able to get some more work done. He had a meeting with a client that went very well, and managed the paper works in a couple of hours. After that he decided to head home. It was earlier than he used to, but he figured he could take some work with him home.

He got home and found Mike laying listlessly on the couch. He had turned on the light, but he was not doing anything other than staring out into the air.

"Hi kid! I see you had a productive day."

"Hi Harvey." Mike said.

Harvey took a closer look at him. He looked tired and pale.

"How are you doing?" He asked. Mike shrugged.

"Okay I guess."

"Yeah, have you eaten?"

A nod.

"Did you take your pills?"

Another nod.

"All right. Would you like me to take you home?"

That got a stronger reaction from Mike. He looked up at Harvey and sat up on the couch. He looked worried when he answered.

"I don't know" he answered hesitantly. "If you want me to?"

"No, you can stay." Harvey reassured him, and saw Mike relax. And they didn't mention it more that evening. To Harvey it seemed like Mike lit up a bit during the evening, and they ended up having a pretty nice evening. Except from being a bit tired you couldn't tell that Mike was sick. And also the fact that he took three pills with his dinner.

– SUITS –

The next day Mike and Harvey went to work together. Mike felt grateful towards Harvey. It had been great evening compared to his lonely day. They had stayed up pretty late, and thankfully Mike had fallen asleep pretty quick, and managed to avoid any dark thoughts that recently had popped up during the night.

The day passed slowly but it felt pretty normal considering. Donna was very nice to him and gave him kind looks and brought him a sandwich. Harvey had told him that it was up to him to tell Donna, and he had advised him to do it pretty soon. He would. Soon.

During the day he felt kind of good. Actually the best he had felt in days, if not weeks. It was kind of strange and it also made him a bit worried somehow. It felt like his body was playing a trick on him. Tricking him into feeling good and normal, which made him nervous that the illness would hit him hard later as some sort of revenge.

The following days went by pretty quickly and mostly uneventful. He went to his place for the first time in a few days which went okay. He got a bit down during the evening and got pretty annoyed with himself that he had that much trouble to fall asleep. His mind kept wandering around in circles replaying events of the previous weeks, which wasn't that pleasant to think about. He chose to just stay up really late and watch TV as a way of distracting himself. It didn't really work out that well. But he got through the night.

The next day he had a hospital visit again. He went there pretty late, so that he didn't have to go back to the office after. He went alone this time, but Harvey offered to pick him up after he was done. This time around after a consultation with his doctor he was given stronger medication to quell the side effects a bit better. It kind of did, and compared to the last time he was doing better. He did throw up and felt very bad, but if he stayed as still as he could on Harvey's couch he could manage.

Harvey mostly left him alone, but did come to check up on him now and again. That night was not as good as the night before. He had nightmares and woke up sweaty and feeling like crap, chest hurting. He lay awake for a couple of hours not feeling good at all. He was thinking about calling out to Harvey, but didn't. It wasn't anything he could do about it anyway. Harvey would think he was weird.

The next day he woke up with a tight feeling over his chest. During the day it didn't ease up, it only got worse. It was like when he had ridden his bike, and couldn't catch his breath. As the day progressed it starting to hurt more and more, and he had trouble concentrating on work because of the pain. It hurt so much that eventually he didn't know what to do with himself. He had taken probably one too many pain pills, but it didn't seem to be working.

He decided to go over to Harvey's office, because maybe it would get a bit better if he laid down. When he stood up he had to hold on to his desk to steady himself. He wanted to groan out in pain, but didn't want the attention of the other associates.

He made it over to Harvey's office, and found that Donna was not at her desk. She was probably out for lunch, but Harvey was there. He looked absorbed in something on his laptop. He didn't bother knocking just stepped inside and stumbled over to the couch.

"What are you doing?" Harvey asked him and sounded pretty annoyed. He didn't bother to answer him. It took a few moments but then Harvey seemed to realize that something was wrong with him, because he got up from his desk and went over to him.

"What's wrong Mike?"

"My chest hurts."

"Okay." Harvey paused and Mike glanced up at him. He actually did look a bit worried. "Have you taken something for it?" He asked.

"Yeah, but it doesn't help." Mike whined. He kind of wished that Harvey would just fix it.

"Do you think it serious?" Harvey asked.

"I don't know. It just hurts."

"All right. Why don't you rest for a while? It will probably pass. Let the meds take effect."

"Okay."

He just laid there and waited. Not much happened, it didn't really get better but not worse either. Harvey tried to get him talking, but he didn't feel like answering, or concentrating on what Harvey was saying. He felt like he was sweating and his heart was pumping hard in his aching chest.

"Hey, Mike? Sit up." Harvey was saying all of a sudden. He was sitting next to him, trying to get his attention. "On three!" he was saying. Mike didn't get why Harvey wanted him to sit up, but he nodded, and Harvey grabbed his shoulders and on three he was heaved upright. The pain that rushed through his chest was spitting, and then everything went dark.

– SUITS –

"Shit!" Harvey swore as Mike went completely limp in his hands. He was too surprised to hold him up, so he collapsed back down on the couch.

"Mike! Wake up! Mike!" He shock him a bit, and then lightly slapped his face. "Mike!" He was getting really nervous and decided to give the kid half a minute more before he called an ambulance.

When Mike had laid down on his couch he had tried to get him involved in a conversation, but soon noticed that Mike wasn't really following. He asked him if he felt better, but the kid didn't respond.

"All right, that's it. We are going to the hospital." Harvey decided then. He had went over to get the kid up and down to the car. He had called Ray already. But now Mike passed out. He called his name again and let out a deep breath in relief when Mike stirred and opened his eyes. He moaned and his hand went up to his chest.

"Mike. I'm going to take you to the hospital right now. Can you sit up?"

Mike blinked up against him a few time before he nodded a bit. He slowly helped him upright. The kid had a pained expression on his face and clenched his jaw tightly. They took it slow and Harvey found himself helping Mike to stand up by grabbing him under one of his armpit. He then steadied him by holding on to his arm. Mike was panting, and grabbed on to Harvey's arm and held his chest with the other.

"Good. Good." Harvey encouraged him. "Let's go." They made it down to the car without much problem. Ray was waiting for them with the car door opened for Mike. He looked concerned but didn't ask anything. He just closed the door behind them and drove as effectively and quick as he could towards the hospital.

Mike didn't talk at all, just leaned back with closed eyes. Harvey watched him worriedly, and didn't speak either.

At the hospital Mike was quickly led away and Harvey had to go to the waiting room, where he sat down next to a woman with a baby in her lap. He waited for almost an hour before they called for the family of Mr. Ross.

He followed a nurse to an opened area with beds with patients on almost every one of them. Mike was closest to the door. He was laying down, it looked like he was sleeping. He had a hospital gown on and was covered with a thin blanket. He was hooked up to a heart monitor and an IV.

Harvey was told that the doctor would be there shortly and that he could wait with Mike until then. He found a plastic chair and sat down on it next to the bed. He didn't really feel comfortable in the hospital environment. But now he had been in the hospital twice during the last week. He suspected that it was going to be a lot more of them in the future.

It had been different to see Mike in so much pain. Difficult as well. The kid didn't deserve it at all. Harvey didn't like the fact that it was nothing that he could do to take Mike's pain away. He started to hate this.

"Hi!" Mike's raspy voice surprised him, and he startled a little. Mike noticed this and smirked a bit. It made Harvey relax. If Mike could smile it meant that he was feeling better.

"Hi. I thought you were sleeping."

"Nah… I can't sleep here. It's too loud."

"It's not so bad." Harvey said and looked around. "If you can sleep on the floor in the filing room, this should be good enough for you."

"How did you know about that?"

Harvey just raised an eyebrow at him.

"How are you feeling?"

"It doesn't hurt so much anymore."

"That's because you have been drugged up."

"Yeah… It's awesome." Mike slurred and closed his eyes.

"Right." Harvey sighed.

The doctor came ten minutes later and explained that Mike's symptoms was normal for this type of cancer since it often presented with pain. He told them that it was a possibility that this kind of attacks of pain would become normal, and explained how Mike could manage them and what they would need to look out for. Harvey just felt angry. Basically it sounded like it was nothing that they could do about the pain, Mike just would have to endure it. They were told that Mike was free to go after that. An hour later they were back at Harvey's apartment. Harvey hadn't even asked the kid if he wanted to come to his condo, but Mike hadn't said anything so apparently he was fine with it.

Mike seemed tired, and didn't eat much at dinner. He asked if he could go and lay down before Harvey had finished his meal, and he was sleeping in the matter of minutes.

During the next few days they kind of got into a routine. Mike went to his radiation and chemo treatment and after that he would stay at Harvey's place and Harvey would help him out the best he could. The kid was subdued and quiet. Harvey found himself doing the best he could to cheer him up. He would joke and quote movies, and Mike would join in once in a while.

At the office Harvey also did his best to help Mike out. The kid was holding his own pretty good, and getting his work done the best he could. Some of it was not of the same quality or done at the same speed as before the cancer but it was good enough to not get him into trouble, for example with Louis. Harvey discretely lessened his workload as well, but did it gradually so that Mike wouldn't notice it to much. He knew that he would be pissed if he knew that Harvey was treating him differently.

In fact he was treating him very differently. He knew that Mike needed him to do so now. Not that Mike would say anything, or ask him for it. On the opposite he seemed hesitant to ask for Harvey's help at all. Like when he was ill from side effects, not once had he asked for help. But Harvey could see that he was grateful for the help that he provided. Grateful and embarrassed it seemed. He would often apologize, and Harvey tried to assure him he didn't need to, but Mike continued. Harvey knew that one day they would have to talk about that, but so far it was alright.

– SUITS –

For Mike things were going pretty good. He thought that he was able to handle the illness pretty well by now. He thought that he had accepted it more now. Sure it was hard to think about what it and what would happen as the illness progressed, but he had decided just take one day at the time. It was working pretty well. Much of it was thanks to Harvey he thought. Harvey seemed to have accepted it as well. Mike was aware of that Harvey had cut down on his workload, and he hadn't said anything when Mike had missed a couple of deadlines. He didn't think that Harvey knew that he knew that Harvey was cutting him slack, but he was very grateful for it, and had decided not to mention it. The truth was that he needed it, he needed more time to go through things now since he was going on hospital visits a lot now, and it made him sick which made him unable to focus. It was also the fact that he felt exhausted almost all the time. He slept as much as he could.

He hadn't told Donna what was going on yet. He felt really bad about that. He really had to tell her soon. He knew that she was aware of that everything wasn't right with him, but she didn't bring it up. She was incredible! She would bring him lunch, she came to check up on him once in a while or came just to deliver some files and stopped to talk with him for a while every time. He guessed that she was giving him opportunity after opportunity to tell her what was going on. He hoped that she wouldn't stop doing that. Some days he felt really down and it was always nice to see her and talk to her a bit.

He was feeling pretty okay most days. He was however very scared of the chest pains. It happened again two days after the first time. He felt that it was about to happen, since it felt exactly like the last time. It was the end of a pretty long work day and he had taken pain pills and went over to Harvey's office. It was pretty late, so the floor was almost deserted. It was an awful two hours! He was in so much pain that he almost had started to cry. Thankfully he didn't. Harvey had wanted to take him to the hospital again, but he manage to convince him that he didn't need to. Harvey had been sitting next to him the whole time, something that helped a lot. Just the feeling of knowing that he wasn't alone. Harvey had taking him back to his place when he felt better. He had fallen asleep almost instantly. He liked when that happened. He had come to really resent having to go to bed. He always felt really bad then, and had trouble falling asleep.

He stayed again at Harvey's place the next night. It turned out that it had been a very good thing that he did that. It was the worst night he had experienced since he got the cancer. They had stayed late at the office again, making Mike dead tired and Harvey suggested that he should just crash on the couch again, since Harvey didn't trust him to even unlock his front door by himself at that point.

He woke up on the couch from that his chest was hurting like a son of a bitch. It just got worse for every minute and he suddenly couldn't stop himself from screaming out.

– SUITS –

When Harvey first woke up he was confused. He didn't know what had woken him. He laid still in his bed for a while, listening just to decide if he could go back to sleep again or not. But then he heard a faint scream coming from the living room. That was what had woken him. Was Mike screaming? He was up and hurrying towards the couch in seconds. Mike was laying there, panting and grasping the covers in tight fists. His face was converted in pain, eyes screwed shut, and he was whimpering now and then. Harvey went straight over to him and put a hand on his shoulder and gently shock him.

"Hi kid, Mike. What can I do?" he asked. Mike flinched violently at the contact and opened his eyes that was so laced with pain that Harvey almost flinched himself. Instead he tightened his grip on Mike's shoulder.

"Har...Har…vey..." he panted. "It…hur…hurts."

"Really, kid?" Mike groaned. "I'll get you some painkillers." He stood up, quickly went in search of Mikes bag with his meds. When he found next to the kitchen counter where the kid had dropped it, found the right box, he knew by now, it he took two pills out. He filled a glass of water and hurried back to Mike that were in the same position as he had left him. He sat down on the coffee table and held out the pills and water glass.

"Mike, hey, sit up." He didn't get a response. "I have your meds here. You need to sit up." Nothing except whimpering. "Mike, do you want me to help you take it?" he asked. And just as he was going to ask again Mike nodded into the pillow. Harvey awkwardly put the pills to Mike's lips and pushed them in as he opened his mouth. He made no attempt to swallow so Harvey held up the glass of water to him and Mike turned his head towards it, and Harvey could see his muscles tensing as he tried to lift his head enough to drink. After hesitating a moment he took his hand behind Mikes head and lifted it for him enough so that he could swallow a few mouths full of water. He whispered a thanks and then closed his eyes again, waiting for the pills to take effect. Harvey sighed and made to get up, but Mike's hand whipped out and grasped his pant leg. He could easily just removed his leg, but without a word he sat down again. He looked at Mike and tried to distinguish what that feeling in his chest was. Eventually he decided that it was sadness. He removed Mike's hand from his pants and enclosed it in his own. They didn't say anything else. Mikes breaths were short and quick. Now and then a few tears escaped from his shut his eyelids and he would moan quietly. After about an hour Mike's grasp around Harvey's hand relaxed, indicating he was finally asleep. Harvey carefully took Mike's hand and placed it on the couch. Before he realized what he was doing he stroke the drying tears away from Mike's cheeks. The poor kid. Harvey felt so helpless. This time Mike had been in so much pain that he couldn't hold a glass by himself, and all he was able to do for him was to just sit there. But it had seemed like that had been enough for Mike. He hoped so.

It was the third time this happened now. The first time they had gone to the hospital, and then the second time they had known what they were dealing with, and Mike hadn't wanted to go. They couldn't really do much for him there that Harvey couldn't help him with here. Give him pain meds and then just wait it out. It seemed to be working pretty okay. It was not pleasant for either of them though, of course. He had a hard time to go back to his bed after that Mike had fallen asleep again. He felt pretty stressed out, but he was reluctant to leave Mike alone. Eventually he went back to his own bed. Hopefully the meds would cause Mike to not wake up again during the night. They both could use a good night sleep after that.

– SUITS –

I hope you enjoy this chapter! If you have any prompts or ideas of what you think could happen in the story, please let me know!

And also let me know what you think :)