A/N: Sorry about the long wait and the short chapter, but I've been net-less for a while, and my handball team is in a big tournament at the moment.

If you wanted to know whether Jordan is pregnant or not, maybe you'll get your answer ;)

Chapter 3, Starting Now

The worst part is always the waiting. Whether you're waiting to hear if you won the contest, waiting for your wife who's in surgery, waiting for something that was supposed to arrive in the mail or waiting for the results of a pregnancy test, the longer it takes the worse it is. Often you can't concentrate on anything but the wait. You can feel lost, excited, impatient, worried, annoyed or, in Jordan's case, dead scared. After the small amount of three minutes, her life could change completely. She snorted as she pictured herself waddling around the morgue in maternity clothes, but to her surprise, the thought wasn't that repulsive anymore. It would be lying if she said she hadn't thought about having children, but she had always pictured it to happen sometime in the future when she had learned to deal with her problems, and was in a safe relationship with a man who loved her. She had never considered the fact that she maybe had to raise a kid on her own. And that was what she was now. All alone.

"Are you going to tell him?" Lily said, breaking Jordan's train of thoughts.

"Him who? Garrett? Well, if I'm pregnant he will have to know. It would affect my work here."

Lily shook her head. "Not Garrett, silly. I'm talking about J.D Pollack. The baby's father, remember?" Jordan looked down at the sound of his name. "I mean, he has the right to know and be a part of the baby's life – if he wants to, of course, but I doubt he won't and…" Lily stopped as she saw the expression on Jordan's face. "He is the baby's father, right?"

"I…I don't know," Jordan replied, barely whispering.

"What do you mean you don't know? Last time I checked you were still seeing him three weeks ago, there's no way…" The alarm on Jordan's cell phone forced Lily to loose her focus.

The three minutes were over. All Jordan had to do was look at the test and see if there was a blue line or not. A blue line meant pregnant. A blue line meant she was having a baby. But she couldn't do it. She practically froze to the ground, staring towards the sink like it was in charge of deciding her future.

"Do you want me to look at it?" Lily asked, knowing how her friend felt. When this had been her, she had been overjoyed when her friend volunteered to compare the result.

"Yes, please," Jordan said, swallowing hard. Lily caringly squeezed her friend's hand, before walking over to the sink and picking up the stick and the box. Jordan held her breath.

Without a word, Lily looked at the stick and compared it to what the instruction on the box said. Putting the box down again, she looked at Jordan's reflection in the mirror.

"Am I…?"

"Pregnant?" Lily turned around. "No. The test was negative."

"Really?" Jordan walked to her and was handed the stick. There was no blue line. She wasn't pregnant. "Wow, I was so sure, I was so…"

"Worried? Excited?" Lily smiled. "Something in between?"

"I don't know, really," she said, throwing the negative pregnancy test in the trash can. At first she had been so worried she couldn't eat or sleep. Later she had gotten more used to the idea, but was still worried sick. Now? ''Something in between summed'' it up pretty well. But this whole thing had been like a wake-up-call. She hated this situation she had been in lately. Maybe it was time to do something about it. Starting now.

Jordan quickly hid the box behind her back as someone pressed down the handle and entered the room.

"Oh, Lily, there you are, I've been looking for you everywhere," the woman said. She looked and sounded familiar, although Jordan was sure she had never spoken with her before. "Dylan McKenzie is here to see his wife." The blonde-haired woman obviously noticed that something was going on, and stared at Jordan's reflection in the mirror behind her.

Damn it, Jordan thought, trying to cover the box even more.

"I'll be right there, Kathy," Lily said, and Kathy closed the door again.

"Who was she?" Jordan wondered, relaxing again.

"Kathy?" Lily frowned. "The new ME? Garrett hired her two weeks ago."

"Really? I don't think I've met her."

Her statement made Lily frown even more. "You've worked on the same case. Come on, Jordan, you and Nigel made fun of her name on her first day. But you two haven't talked that much. Most of the time you talk to her."

It started to dawn on her. "I guess I haven't been myself lately."

"I'm glad you finally realized it." She took the box from Jordan. "About this, maybe you should take another test, just to …" Lily continued, but Jordan didn't listen. Before Lily could stop her, she was out the door. "…be sure."

She drove around for like an hour, trying to find the courage she needed. There were so many things she had to get off her chest, things she couldn't put on a piece of paper. Not that she hadn't tried. She had written down her thoughts a number of times, but it never seemed to be enough to ease her mind. Every time she was done writing, she put the piece of paper inside an envelope and wrote down the address, but she never sent it. The letters were safely stored inside a box underneath her bed.

This letter-therapy was something Jordan had done a lot the past four years. Dr. Stiles had once suggested writing letters to her mother, where she told her everything she'd ever wanted to say, but never got the chance to. Since then, a lot of letters had been written. Many to her mother, some to her father, past and present lovers, friends she had lost and, lately, Woody.

When he finally got her to open up, her conversations with Dr. Stiles had helped her a lot, making her realize things about both herself and others. Sometimes she wished she was able to read people like he did.

Wheels screeched as she spun her car around and headed for the other direction. She didn't need to be analyzed, she just needed someone to listen and maybe help her make the right decision. God knew she was lost. Never before had she been so emotionally helpless. Not because of a man.

As soon as she reached his building and ran up the stairs to his apartment, she silently prayed that he was home. This was the point of no return. She knocked on the door, carefully at first, then more confident.

No backing out now.

When he opened the door and saw her, his eyes were like two big question marks.

"I need to talk to you."

He stepped aside, letting her enter, and closed the door behind them.