Tacking Starboard
Chapter 01
Staring at ceilings wasn't exactly a habit he enjoyed. It was mostly a side effect from daydreaming, though they did provide a mostly blank canvas on which to daydream. Otherwise, he found himself noticing whether or not they were familiar. He recognised this one. Sadly, it belonged to the Nerv Medical Ward.
"Great. This place, again," he said, a slight echo ringing in the bare room.
He couldn't quite remember how he got here. He knew his name and that he was an Eva pilot and all, but that first fight felt like a lifetime ago. If he kept concentrating on that thought train, he could recall smaller details, but it felt out of order like trying to remember a dream as it slipped away. As well, it only served to garner him a headache. He looked left over to the window and saw the sun. That meant it was either afternoon or morning, though the more orange colour implied more of a sunset. Orange, just like-
A prang of migraine struck at that moment. He grabbed his head, attempting to assuage the pain pulsing in time with his heartbeat. After what felt like agonising minutes, the migraine subsided to a dull pressure and he relaxed. Exhausted from the ordeal and whatever had happened to him, he fell asleep.
When he awoke once more, he heard movement within the room. Glancing over to his right, he saw a nurse had just arrived. He rubbed his eyes as she approached.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" said the nurse.
"I've been better."
"I'm sure you've been a lot worse, too." The nurse took a moment to observe the beeping machine before continuing, "Well your vitals look fine and your other tests came back nominal, so if there's anything wrong, it's something in your noggin."
Truthfully, he felt malaise but had zero clue what may be the cause. Maybe his lack of memory was to blame. Maybe he was simply tired. Either way, he wasn't going to find out by thinking about it alone.
"Sorry to say, but you won't be able to rest," the nurse said. "You're going to have some kind of meeting or whatever soon. The Major will be by to give you the specifics."
The nurse received a nod in response. After finishing her checks, she left, leaving the boy alone once more. Well that was useful. I didn't even have to ask, he thought. He wondered what this meeting was about. Probably to ask him about his experience or maybe scold him for something he didn't do. He doesn't think he ran away again, why else would he be here?
He wouldn't get any rest as his next visitor would make their way in. Violet hair and a red jacket, that means it's Misato. She looks anything but happy. She took a seat next to the bed.
"Hey Shinji, how are you feeling?" she softly spoke.
"I've been better," Shinji said.
"Good to hear but, well," she sighed, "it's about to get worse."
"Why is that."
"The Instrumentality Committee wishes to speak with you as soon as possible."
"The what? What about?"
"They're basically Nerv's benefactors. They want to hear your story regarding the angel attack."
"Uh, okay. Are you, uh, are you going to help me with that?"
"Of course! But first I'd like to hear your side of it. What do you remember about your time in the Sea of Dirac?"
"The what?" he said, again.
"You know, the place that the angel sucked you and Rei in. You do remember, right?"
"I don't."
The beeping of the monitor echoed slightly as Misato stared at him and studied his expression for a moment before continuing.
"You really don't, huh. Y'know that actually might be a great benefit to us," she said.
"How so?"
"It's much easier to be interrogated when you don't actually remember anything, duh."
"I see. So that's it? I just go in there and tell them I don't remember anything?"
"Basically." She smiled. "We'll just have to see just how bad your memory loss is. Otherwise, just answer honestly." He doesn't have any secrets, she thought, he can't cause trouble.
"Rei is in critical but stable condition. Asuka's fine, no physical damage whatsoever, not even to her Eva, but I think she's wor-" Misato stopped as she noticed he was clutching his head, his face grimaced. "Shinji? Shinji! What's wrong?" She went to clutch his shoulder, but he shied away. Misato froze, aghast. After a few moments, what seemed to be bothering this poor boy subsided. He looked up a Misato with confusion in his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak.
"I'm sorry Misato, I-"
"No sorry. What was that?" she said.
"I don't know. It keeps happening when I'm in the middle of a thought. Before it is clear what the thought is, I'm assaulted by pain."
So thinking of Asuka brings him pain now? Asuka isn't going to like this, Misato thought.
"Shinji, what's the last thing you remember?" she said.
"The last thing I remember, I put my cello away. I got a call from you saying you'd be home late. I don't really remember falling asleep, and now I'm here."
Does he even remember her, or is he just avoiding the thought? "The day you met with your father?"
"Yeah," he said.
"That's. Wow. That's really interesting."
"Why?"
"Because that was a week ago."
Watching the clock makes the time pass by even slower, she realised. Finding herself glancing at the inside of her wrist, she realised she also made the brilliant decision to carry a clock around, too. It was almost as if she expected the time to accelerate if she looked fast enough between the two. Pacing wasn't helping, either. How long had it been since Misato said she'd be right back after giving her the news?
The ticking was a decent enough distraction from the guilt weighing on her shoulders, but she'd have to deal with the resulting time dilation. It had been a week, but it may as well have happened yesterday. She just wanted to kill time. At least, that's what she kept telling herself. She didn't mean for it to go so awry. She didn't mean to hurt him so; she was simply scared, scared of a future where she made herself vulnerable only to be betrayed for the pleasure of her commitment.
The negative thought pattern beset her once more.
She had taken much from the boy and had given him hell for it, and all he had ever been to her was polite and kind. Was it even worth trying to make it up to him? Would he even accept it? Was that something she wanted? Was that something he even wanted? Her mind was constantly wracked by such questions. Pushing others away and moving forward alone was an attractive action to her. It was a familiar action. The unknown is scary, at least she knows what she'll get with being alone. Would it really be so bad to try, at least? Perhaps it is better to have a definitive answer from him than to craft her own. She almost lost him; she can't leave things unsaid.
Thankfully, she didn't have to wait too long to give it a shot. Movement in her peripheral vision alerted her to a pair walking down the hallway. She shot over to them.
"Shinji, hey, how are you feeling?" she kindly spoke.
He looked lively enough before, but upon addressing him, his movements seemed bogged. He turned to look at her, but he seemed to be looking through her as he responded.
"Hi Asuka. I've been better," he said.
"Good, that's good," she said. She felt awkward and uneasy. His tone did nothing to assuage her. "Are you heading to meet the committee?"
"Yeah, unfortunately." She noticed his brow beginning to furrow, but not like he was getting angry, more like he was in pain.
"Well, break a leg."
"What does that mean?"
His face appeared to be growing into more of a grimace as he slightly dipped his head.
"It means I wish you good luckâhey, are you alright?" she said. She moved in to get a better look at him, but he shied further away. The glance she got showed his face looking contorted.
Misato shot her a knowing look. "I think we best get going. We'll see you later," she said as she led Shinji away.
Asuka stood frozen and stared at their backs as their footsteps faded.
All of the lights faded from the room save for the centre one. They allowed Misato to remain in the room with him, and it did help him feel more comfortable, but he still felt intimidated. Seven floating black monoliths surrounded him entirely, evenly spaced. The one directly ahead read "Seele 01 Sound Only" in crimson.
In one way, it was slightly easier to talk to a series of monoliths which may as well have been taken from Stonehenge, painted black, and scribbled on with red ink for the edge of it. In other way, it did give a sense of immense power and a separation from the common rabble. Shinji felt all of this but could not describe it so.
"Shinji Ikari, the Third Child, pilot of Evangelion Unit 01," Seele 01 spoke, the red accents pulsing in time with the speaker's cadence. "We have brought you here to inquire about the events regarding the most recent situation with twelfth angel. Please, tell us everything you recall about your contact with it."
He took his time in responding, just as Misato had told him. His hand clenched repeatedly as he took a breath and began, "I am sorry, I do not recall anything about my combat with the angel nor about my time inside of it."
"Is that so?" pulsed monolith 03 to his left. "Where lies the first thing you can recall, then? Before waking up in the hospital, of course."
"The last thing I recall is going to bed last Wednesday," he said. He was slightly scared they would accost him, but he wasn't hiding anything.
"Most interesting. According to the report in our hands, your physical tests came back normal."
"Our best ideas lie with the influence of the angel," pulsed 04.
"We're hoping for a recovery of your memories soon. Any information is incredible valuable to this conflict," pulsed 02.
"Yes sir," he said, uncertain of how to reply.
"We require your presence no longer. Thank you for your time. You are dismissed," pulsed 01.
"Thank you," he said as he bowed. Not wishing to stick around any longer than he had to, he quickly made his way out of the room with Misato in tow. The large door clunked shut behind him.
"Having no additional information about this angel is most concerning," said 05.
"Everything is proceeding within range of the scrolls' predictions," said 04. "We shall succeed with or without additional information about Leliel."
"What of the Third Child?" said 06. "His insubordination cannot be allowed to be a consistent problem."
"Major Katsuragi will handle it. We have some leeway to intervene if she fails."
The Renault headed west along Kuramae Avenue. Streetlights took their turn illuminating the vehicle's interior.
Misato had Shinji sit in the front passenger seat in hopes that whatever condition ailed him wouldn't be flared. The girl in the back seat noticed it seemed to work. She was glad he was okay. She was glad she didn't lose him. Still, she wasn't particularly happy with his response upon waking.
She recognised how he seemed fine until he began talking to her. She hated what it could mean. Wondergirl would have his attention, leaving her with nothing but Eva. The streetlights passing by the window reminded her of Unit 00's cycloptic eye. Maybe it'll be better that way, she thought. Wondergirl could have Shinji, Asuka will always have Eva. She'll probably be better for him than her, anyway. At least she can't take away her Eva. Asuka looked away from the window.
It wasn't like her to give up, but the sensation that she was losing, badly, weighed on her. She hated losing, even if she tells herself that she doesn't really care. She seemed to only cause Shinji pain such that her mere presence caused him discomfort! Rejection hurt, more than it should. It left her feeling weak and vulnerable. The seatbelt felt tight around her; the backseat felt cramped. An entry plug felt more like home. She needed to focus more on the one sure thing in her life. If he wants her, he will come to her. She need not chase; he will come to her. If they are meant to be, he will come to her and not that stupid Wondergirl. And if not, she'll have the Eva.
She hopes.
Before she knew it, they arrived home and she was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling.