Tacking Starboard

Chapter 02

It was as if he had never left, almost. Breakfast waited her at the table and her bento was ready on the counter. Part of her didn't want to take any of it, part of her thought it would be rude to refuse. That second part won, and she decided to relent. That might have been a mistake. This wasn't any particularly special breakfast whatsoever, but it delighted and stung, nonetheless. She didn't deserve it. At least, she didn't think she did, but she promised to not be rash.

He, on the other hand, was doing this more out of habit. He found it wasn't exactly enjoyable to try and think too deeply about his roommate, but he was fine so long as the train of thought didn't attempt to delve into the lacking memories of the last week; he'd feel okay. At the very least, he'd see his friends at school and catch up with them.

He handed his roommate her lunch with a curt smile. She thanked him softly and with a nod. They left the apartment together.

She started lagging behind; he didn't slow down for her.

Naturally, she arrived at the classroom a bit later as a result. Shinji was already making his rounds to the people he knew. Stooges gonna stooge. At least Rei isn't here; what does Shinji even see in her, anyway?

The surprising one was Hikari, however. Asuka did her best to look nonchalant as she watched out of the corner of her eye. Hikari had been a great friend and really helped her out during the last week; if she was abandoning her, too, that would mean that Asuka would truly have no one left. She overheard tidbits of the conversation. Thankfully, nothing of alarm that she could tell. Still, it was weird that he was being friendly with her so suddenly.

Shinji, on the other hand, was quite elated to see his friends again. Their initial conversations were a little awkward, but he guessed that might happen given his lack of knowledge of the past week. He was surprised to have a short conversation with Hikari, of all people. It was the standard fare of asking how he was and him giving a mostly correct but unalarming response. That concerned him, though. How much did they know about what had happened? They don't seem to be treating him differently, but maybe they were simply waiting. He'll have to find out soon but asking now would just cause a ruckus and there wasn't enough time; the teacher just walked in. For now, pleasantries must suffice.

Misato was typing on her laptop in the cafeteria, trying to get ahead of her work during her break. A shadow cast over her. She didn't need to look; she knew who it was.

"Kaji," she said.

"Katsuragi," he said.

"The shade is appreciated but please, sit down." He sat right next to her.

"How did your meeting go?"

She stopped typing and looked up at him over her laptop before she sat back in her chair. "They tried to play Bon Cop, Bad Cop with me. I think I deflected their inquiries well. I think–or at least I hope that they are no more suspicious than they already are." Kaji nodded along politely. She paused to glance around the room as subtly as she could. "While they left what to do about his insubordination to me, they also insisted on speaking to Shinji directly as soon as he woke up."

"Why did they want to see him so badly? How much could he have had to say?" he said, folding his hands and resting his chin on them.

"That's the thing, he didn't have anything to say. He lost some of his memory, it seems, and they didn't push for more before dismissing him."

"And the extent of his memory loss?"

"The last thing he remembers is when I called him last Wednesday."

"Oh wow. So he forgot the entirety of the past week?"

"Yes, but get this," she said as she leaned forward, "he also seems to be experiencing migraines of some kind whenever he remembers something about Asuka."

He huffed, "I can't imagine she's taking that well."

"Terrible, if I were to guess. This morning was silent. You know how she usually is. Plus, add the week's events on top of this recent development."

"I see." He leaned back. "I suppose we should wait and see a bit more of what their reactions are like before we consider intervening. I'm a bit swamped with work anyway. Real close to a breakthrough."

"See to it that you don't get broken as well, you have unfinished business with me. Else I'll have your ass for dinner in hell!" she said as she attempted to bore into his soul with her scowl. Misato was finally getting used to having this man in her life again, and she was enjoying it. Between him and her 'kids', she thinks she might have found something to work towards in life other than revenge for her father's death.

Not entirely known to her, Kaji was a little more conflicted. He was enjoying himself, too, of course, but he thought finding the truth might help more. It might also release him from this torment he calls a life. He is a man after all; he knows of his doom but not the hour. He figures knowing the truth will set him free, whether through death or through freedom to live his life. He hopes for the latter but expects the former.

"Shouldn't threaten me with a good time, Katsuragi," he said as he stood, winked, and turned to walk away. Misato simply gave him a small wave.

"See you tonight?" she said.

"I'll let you know," he said with a wave. He walked off, leaving the Ops Commander to her work.

"And the truth shall make you free," he said loud enough for only him to hear. He hopes that is true.

Literally everyone is around Shinji today. Asuka expected the stooges to hang around him, but she didn't expect to see Hikari spending their lunch with that group. Pride and a tinge of fear kept Asuka from joining, but she did feel a small tinge of betrayal at Hikari's action. Whether or not it was truly a betrayal wasn't important, it was the thought that mattered.

Asuka was alone at lunch, hearing the echoes of laughter and watching from a distance as the others seemed to enjoy themselves. The sun on the roof hardly felt so hot. Despite the complaints of her stomach, she didn't feel hungry anymore. She might present like she's okay with such indifference–why would she care about the opinions of these mere children–but really, she lavished in any sort of attention, especially that of one particular pilot. Said pilot was currently giving attention to girls that were not him. It was incredibly petty, but that did not stop her blood from boiling.

Shinji had seen Asuka sulking in the brief conversational lapses of his group. He could tell Asuka wasn't happy. He wasn't quite sure why but that also meant he had no clue what to do, either. Was it even his responsibility to do anything? Nobody had taken time to tell him what had happened, and he wondered why. It clearly had significant effects and yet he felt like a mushroom: alone, in the dark, and fed crap. He felt an odd sense of freedom in his ignorance, but he also felt trapped by it.

"Hey Shinji," Toji's voice rang, "Are you in?"

"In what?" Shinji said.

"You weren't listenin', huh? Distracted by a certain Demon, were you?" Toji smirked.

"Not really. Now what am I 'in' for?"

Toji looked at Shinji sidelong. He was surprised because Shinji didn't even seem phased. He could've sworn there was proper tension between him and the Red Devil.

"Right. Well Kensuke and I were thinking of goin' to the arcade this afternoon. You in or what?" Toji said.

"Ah, got'cha. Sadly I can't, I have a sync test after school today," Shinji said.

"Toji, why don't we go tomorrow. You're free tomorrow, aren't you, Shinji?" Kensuke said. "Maybe we could invite Rei, too. By the way, do you know why she wasn't in school today?"

"Uhh," Shinji paused, wondering how much about Rei's personal life he should reveal. "I think she'll be back on Friday. How about then?"

"Sounds good to me." Kensuke pushed his glasses up with his finger, glare from the sun hid his eyes behind them.

"Me too," said Toji.

"I presume I'm invited, too?" Hikari said with a glare.

"Yeah, yes, of course!"

Shinji felt oddly comfortable in the entry plug. Or maybe not comfortable but rather a sense of familiarity. Occasionally when he was in it, and especially during sync tests, odd assortments of memories and thoughts would come up. They weren't too specific, but he could describe the sensation. He would imagine things like the smell of home, the warmth of a hug, the taste of a lovingly cooked meal, and, surprisingly, the sound of his mother's voice.

"Shinji, can you hear me?" Misato's voice came over the plug intercom. Supposedly she was his surrogate mother, though, he seemed to take care of her more than the other way around. Shinji picked his head up to face the tac-com and respond.

"Ah, Misato, yeah. How'd I do?" he said.

"You've managed a nine percent increase, well done! But I have to warn you against letting this get to your head. Confidence is good, but too much can cause foolish mistakes."

Why give this lecture now. "Was there something I did to earn this lesson? I still have zero knowledge of the last week. Nobody told me anything."

"Right. Ritsuko wanted to see if your memory would return naturally without us giving you a full debrief."

There was no response because Shinji was busy wondering how weird this was. He was used to being kept in the dark by Nerv personnel, but he had hoped he'd at least be allowed to know what he had went through. He felt a bit left out to dry by Misato.

"We've completed the sync test for today Shinji, you're free to go," she said.

Shinji simply nodded and made a quiet exit from the plug to the locker rooms. Misato worried greatly for the boy. She didn't have time to explain everything when preparing him for his meeting with Nerv's higher-ups. When she later agreed to Ritsuko's plan, she didn't think it would be so hard.

Folding her arms, Misato turned and addressed Ritsuko, who was presently taking notes on the newly acquired data.

"Are you sure about this, Rits?" Misato said.

"Of course not. I'm a scientist, not a doctor. I make hypothesis, I don't 'practise' medicine and then pretend like I have the right answer," Ritsuko said.

"How much longer are we going to do this to him?" Ritsuko set down her notes and gave Misato her full attention.

"If I'm correct, it should take less than a week. Look, I know you care for the boy. I can assure you that he'll be fine. Misato should worry about Misato."

Misato uncrossed her arms, placed her hands on her hips, and leaned forward. "As if you understand. Cats take care of themselves."

"I don't know. From what I know, he takes care of himself quite well." Ritsuko raised an eyebrow at Misato. "And he seems to have a second parental unit now, hmm?"

Misato stood up straight and blushed lightly. "Shaddup! What do you know anyway?"

"Oh not a thing. Not a thing at all." Ritsuko pushed up her glasses. "We should probably talk about what happened in the US, shouldn't we?"

"Huh, yeah." Misato's expression changed to pensive. "So the entirety of Second Branch was destroyed along with Unit 03? And they have no clue why?"

"That's right. It happened during an experiment with the S2 Engine. There are too many possibilities between failures and sabotage and such to narrow it down to one, and there aren't exactly witnesses left to tell the tale."

Misato pinched the bridge of her nose with her hand. "Good grief, that's awful."

"Indeed. The US branch also decided that it didn't want 'those damned machines' on its shores anymore. Unit 04 is being sent to Japan."

"Well that's good. At least we'll have another functioning unit while we wait for repairs."

"There's more. The Marduk Institute has selected our new pilot." Ritsuko grabbed and then held out a folder labelled classified. Misato took it and peered through it.

Misato's jaw dropped. "Really? Him? Are they actually serious about that?"

Asuka was sitting at the table with her head in her arms. It was the same seat as a week ago. She had gotten home before that idiot and she was hungry. She never much cooked for herself. She hoped that idiot would come home soon and cook for her like he always did. The damned clock on the wall ticked off every second where that wasn't true.

In the meantime, she was busy hating herself. Sure, she increased her sync ratio by two percent, but Shinji increased by nine percent. She was already behind slightly and now that gap is growing. She unconsciously tapped the table along to the ticking. This is not good. She needs to be the best pilot. It's all she has now. It's all she has. She wants other things but believes they're inaccessible to her. Eva is the only certain thing but now that she's slipping behind, she's losing her confidence. The ticking was growing deafening. She hated clocks. She needs to try harder; she needs to be better. She's better than her, at least, but she needs to be better than him. Why even live if she's not the best?

Before that thought train could continue, she heard the front door hiss open. It made her jump up before she composed herself and returned to her position, trying to look nonchalant.

As she feared and hoped, Shinji was who walked in. She could tell by the way he walked before the standard 'I'm home' and 'welcome home' exchange occurred. She heard him stop for a moment before his bookbag dropped on the chair next to hers. His steps receded towards the kitchen.

She took that as an opportunity to look at him. Thankfully his back was facing her. He was busy preparing a meal, it seemed. Good, she didn't have to ask. She didn't want to ask. She knew she had to apologise at some point, but it was the last thing she wanted to do. Pots clamoured as Shinji looked for the right one. Misato had taken her aside earlier and told her about his memory loss. A dastardly part of her began to speak up, the proverbial devil on her shoulder, as it were. It told her that this was a great opportunity to rewrite history. She could easily erase her mistakes or at least reduce their severity with a cleverly chosen set of words. She got up and began to set the table for the two of them. It did not occur to her that Misato and the others knew what had happened and could readily ruin that plan. She also seemed forget about the migraines he'd experience in interactions with her. Those things likely wouldn't deter her anyway.

It wasn't long before Shinji finished making a meal for them. Sat across from one another, they ate wordlessly. He seemed to look everywhere but her. She wondered if that was what it took to keep the pain away currently. She was correct in that thought.

"Well you seemed to have had a nice day today," she said.

He finally looked at her properly for the first time all day. He didn't look pained, not yet at least. Instead, his eyes showed a particular level of indifference, or at least it appeared that way.

"Yeah, it was. Everyone seemed glad to see me. Guess we saved the world again, huh? But why were you alone today? I thought you'd be rubbing it in their faces," he said.

What's it to you? "You noticed-I mean, I just wanted to be alone today," she lied. "What about you. You were remarkably social today."

"I guess I just woke up with a new appreciation for life." He got up and collected their plates and brought them to the sink. "Though I'm still very curious what happened to me. I think you had something to do with it."

Crap. No easy escape from this one. Maybe this is the chance, though. "Well, Misato told me the last thing you remembered was a week ago when she went out with Kaji, right?"

"Right." He came back to sit across from her again.

She hoped this paid off. "So, I had a date that afternoon that I abandoned because he was boring. Then I came home to you playing the cello. It was nice."

She saw his face was growing into that pained expression. She had to think fast.

"Misato called to let us know that she wouldn't be home. We were kind of bored so, in a surprising turn of events, you asked if I wanted to try kissing to pass the time," she said.

"That doesn't really sound like something I'd do, Asuka," he sounded a little pained, or maybe annoyed.

Uh oh. "Yeah, right? It surprised me too. I thought you'd gotten possessed by some perverted demon or something." She grinned at him "So anyway we totally kissed and it was okay but the problem was that nothing became of it and you never asked me out properly or anything and do you know how embarrassing it is for someone to do that I mean who does that imagine if someone found that out it would be completely embarrassing to me so you should probably own up to it and act like a proper man don't you think?"

"Huh." If a painful-pensive look had a name and dictionary definition, it would have his picture next to it. "Not for nothing, Asuka, but I have a really hard time believing that."

"I did too. Then again, weren't you surprised at how social you were today? You even spoke to Hikari of all people like she was your good friend. Maybe something bit your butt earlier than you thought, hm?"

"Maybe. I dunno." His voice was strained at this point. "I'm gonna head to bed. Thanks for telling me this, Asuka, it means a lot."

"No problem, Shinji. Goodnight." She gave him her best smile.

She watched as he simply stood up and walked down the hallway towards his room. She remained calm until she heard his door shut. That's when she began pacing. What are you, some kind of idiot, Asuka? What sort of story was that? It was completely unbelievable. She saw the way he reacted. He didn't seem to be buying it. Maybe he bought a little of it at least. She entered the bathroom and began preparing for bed. And why that story of all things? Is she certain that's something she really wants? Is Kaji nothing to her now? It seems so. She looked at herself in the mirror; she thought she looked awful. And what if someone else tells him a conflicting story. What will she do then? Misato will make her pay with her life this time for sure. Asuka will just have to settle for the fact that she planted some seeds in his head. Hopefully they'll pay off. Surely she can talk her way out of her lie if it comes to it. In the meantime, she must sleep if she's going to be a better pilot. It'll be fine. It'll be okay. Everything will be okay.

With a long and exasperated sigh, Asuka managed to calm her turmoiled mind enough to go to her room and fall asleep.

It didn't keep the nightmares away.