Chapter 15.

Mike kind of felt unsure about how he should go on now. He had been told yesterday that it was likely that he would die in less than a year. How are you supposed to handle knowing something like that? Sure it wasn't final. It wasn't a certain death sentence. But it was as close as he could get.

He had thought a bit about the things he wanted to do before he died, if that were to happen. But even though that he had things to put on the list none of them seemed important enough. He felt that if the worst were to happen it would and it was nothing he would be able to do about it. The knowledge of the prognosis lingered however, always in the back of his mind now. He thought it would now too, at least for a while before he would be able to if not except it, at least get used to it a bit more.

He was on the couch. It was early morning and Harvey was still asleep. Mike had woken up about an hour ago. He felt pretty tired so he just laid there. Maybe he would get up when he heard that Harvey was awake. He wanted to go to work today. It would be nice to get something else to think about. He wanted that, he wanted a distraction more than anything right now.

"Hey! You are awake already." Harvey came out into the living room. "You feeling better?" He asked. Mike sat up.

"Yeah, I am. I'm tired and all but I'm feeling pretty okay."

"Let's have breakfast then."

"I'm going with you to work." Mike stated as they were eating. Harvey glanced at him from his paper.

"No I don't think so. You should take the day."

"No, I'm going. I'm not staying here alone. I want to work Harvey, please?" He didn't care if he was pleading or not. He couldn't stay at home! "I can't stay here!"

"Wow…take it easy. Fine you can come to work."

Mike sighed in relief. Harvey leaned forward towards him. "Hey. You can come with me. Don't worry."

"Yeah okay." He continued to eat. After a while Harvey turned towards him again.

"So, what was that about?" He asked.

"What?"

"You know what."

"Yeah, I just…I have a lot on my mind Harvey. This whole cancer thing, and after yesterday…I just want a break from it. I want to focus on something else for a while."

"Yeah I get that. But Mike, if you start to feel bad, if you feel that something is wrong, I'm going to need you to tell me about it. Can you do that?"

Mike nodded. "Yes I can. I will Harvey."

They left shortly after that. They were quiet in the car. Ray smiled kindly at Mike and told him that he was happy that he looked better.

"You told him?" Harvey asked as Ray drove away after dropping them off.

"Yep."

"And you were going to tell me that when?"

"Why do I need to tell you that?"

"So that I know who I can talk to or not? Whatever, just keep me in the loop?" Harvey staggered off towards the building and Mike hurried after him.

"Fine, I will tell you. I haven't told anyone else though. And I just needed to let out some stuff yesterday, and Ray is a good guy."

"Yes he is. By the way you should tell Jessica soon."

"Yes, I know you have told me."

"I told her that you are sick the other day. She knows it is serious."

"What! What did you tell her?"

"It was when you were laying on the floor all helpless, and I needed to come and save you. So I told her that. I wasn't going to lie to her."

"Yeah, right." Mike felt a little humiliated after Harvey's choice of words. But he guessed Harvey was right. She deserved to know.

He decided to work at his cubicle for the day. It felt like it was ages ago since he had been there. He got some weird looks form his follow associates, but just ignored them. They had no idea about anything anyway. He glared back, and they got busy with their own work. He had gotten some files from Harvey. It was a pretty interesting case, and it felt nice to do something useful. He got to work for a few hours before he was interrupted. He had seen Harvey passing by a few times, but had pretended that he hadn't seen him. He knew that Harvey was checking up on him. He knew Harvey was worried about him. That felt nice. It wasn't Harvey that came to see him though, it was Rachel.

He had almost forgotten about her. They hadn't talked for weeks, not much at least.

"Hi Mike!" she said and smiled at him. "I haven't seen you in a while. Where have you been?"

"Oh, hi Rachel. Yeah, I know I have been kind of busy."

"You have been working?" She studied him more closely.

"Are you okay? You look kind of pale." She said. He guessed that pale wasn't that bad to be called, he had seen himself in the mirror.

"Well…" He hesitated. What should he tell her? He didn't want to tell her about the cancer, not here in the middle of the all the cubicles and associates. "Actually I have been sick." He told her. It was the truth after all.

"Oh really. I'm sorry to hear that. Are you better now then?"

He didn't know what to say. He didn't want to lie to her. She was always so nice to him. They had had their ups and downs, but now things were good. If she thought that he was lying, maybe she wouldn't want to be around him.

"Mike? Are you okay?"

Oh! He should answer.

"Yeah, I'm good. Or I'm better now at least." He smiled weakly at her, hoping he had her convinced.

"Okay…Well, I should get back to work. I just wanted to say hi, when I saw you here."

"Yeah, see you later Rachel."

He had a hard time concentrate after that. Louis stopped by as well. It was a strange encounter because Louis acted pretty nice to him. Mike was prepared the whole conversation for that he would turn against him, but he didn't.

"How are you doing Mike?" He asked.

"Eh…fine I guess, Louis."

"You don't look fine." He leaned forward in over Mike's desk causing him to lean back in his chair. "You know you can tell me everything Mike, right?"

"Eh..Yeah, sure Louis. Thank you. I will think about it." He tried to look busy.

"Of course." Louis was gone after that, and Mike just stared after him. What was that about?

– SUITS –

"Hi!"

Harvey looked up from his computer. Mike was standing in the doorway. Harvey discreetly assessed him. He looked fine.

"Hey. What's up kid?"

"Not much." Mike sat down in the chair opposite of him.

"I talked to Rachel."

"Yeah?"

"I didn't tell her though. I thought about it, but it feels so weird you know. Like I don't know how to do it, she will be upset."

"Can you blame her?"

"Well, no but, it's hard to start I think. Like I just don't want to blurt it out there, but I don't know how else to do it."

"What else would you like to do then? Write a poem?"

"What? No!"

"Just tell her then."

"Whatever. I will think about it. Louis stopped by too. He was kind of nice. Do you know anything about that?"

"Well, you did pass out, and he knew that you were sick before. He is not all evil you know."

"Yeah, but still it was unusual to watch."

"Hi Mike, how are you doing?" It was Donna. She came in and stroke his arm a bit. He smiled up at her.

"I'm pretty good today actually." He said.

"You had treatment yesterday right? I thought you would be home and rest today."

"Yes, but I feel okay, so I wanted to come to work."

"He begged me to come." Harvey helped him out. That deserved a glare.

"How did it go yesterday?" Donna asked kindly. "You had an appointment as well right?"

Harvey had briefly told her about it, but told her that it was Mike's decision to tell her. Mike wouldn't look at Donna anymore. He bit his lip.

"Well…I…" he started. "I was…they said…It was bad news." He finished lamely.

"What kind of bad news?"

Mike obviously thought something was really interesting on Harvey's desk.

"Sweetie?" Donna encouraged him.

"He said that I have about a year left. There is only ten percent chance that I will survive at all." He told her quietly. Donna drew a deep breathe before leaning closer to Mike, hugging him from behind.

"Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. That really was bad news." She whispered, both hers and Mike's eyes were a bit shiny. Not that Harvey could blame them.

Harvey had gotten about four hours of sleep last night. It took hours before he could fall asleep. He couldn't stop thinking about Mike's odds. It was now a huge possibility that Mike wouldn't make it. Harvey had wanted to cry so badly, but he wouldn't let himself. At least not with Mike in the other room, hopefully peacefully sleeping.

The odds were so low. Harvey was scared and angry. Angry because he felt helpless. There was nothing he could do to better the odds. Of course he would help the kid all he could, but in the end it was Mike that would have to do most of the work.

Donna and Mike was finished hugging and decided to head out for lunch together. Harvey declined their invitation to come along. He kind of wanted some time for himself. Time to process everything without the kid being there. If Harvey was honest with himself he actually felt devastated. It was weird the whole cancer thing, one day Mike was fading away in front of him, the next he was sitting in the office joking. He guessed that this was how it was going to be from now on. Like he had told the kid yesterday, one day at the time.

The day passed pretty quickly. Mike came back from lunch and they worked together for a couple of hours. Mike said that he would go home to his place and Harvey let him. He argued a bit that it wasn't a problem that Mike stayed with him, but the kid was persistent. At least he let Ray pick him up the next day. Harvey took Mike to a client meeting and the kid did well. He didn't fall asleep or anything. But then it went to hell again, on the next day.

"Mike!"

Harvey saw Donna looked up from her desk when she heard Harvey's call. She saw him coming and then entering his office looking around it. He saw that she was watching him and came back out to her.

"Donna! Have you seen Mike?" he asked urgently. He really wished that she would say yes. More than anything.

"No, Harvey. I haven't seen him since lunch. What is going on?"

"Damn it!" He swore loudly. "I've looked everywhere for him. I'm supposed to take him to the hospital, but I can't find him."

"Why? He is not doe there until tomorrow." Donna said.

"Yeah, I know but he texted me and said that he was having trouble breathing and asked if I could go with him to the hospital when I was done with the meeting, but now the damn kid is not answering his phone. I've been calling and texting him."

"Oh god, we need to find him now!" Donna hissed and got up from her desk.

"What do you think I've been doing? I have looked for him for ten minutes now. He better not be laying somewhere…" He didn't finish the sentence. He didn't want to think about it.

"Alright" Donna said, and took over the control of the situation "this is what we are going to do. I will continue to call him, and you will continue to look for him. Where have you searched? I'm sure you have loads of places left."

Harvey looked a bit offended, before he had to admit she probably was right.

"The cubicles, the file room, breakroom, bathroom and here." He answered.

"Well, check the conference rooms, the library. Maybe Louis's office. And ask people if they have seen him. Maybe tell them to help you looking."

He just nodded and turned to leave. "Oh, and Harvey?" Donna said, phone in hand "Check the girl's bathroom as well."

"What?"

"Go!"

No one had seen Mike. A few of the associates were now helping him to look. He had forced them. Where the hell was the kid? And why wasn't he answering his phone? It must mean that he couldn't.

He had received Mike's text during a meeting. Mike had known that he was on the meeting, that's probably the reason why he texted instead of calling. Harvey had stupidly waited about ten minutes to look at the text, since it wasn't a very professional thing to do during a meeting. But as soon as he looked he had asked to be excused from it, and had immediately dialed Mike's number.

"Harvey. I'm having some trouble breathing. can you come with me to the hospital when you're done?"

That had been more than half an hour ago by now. How could the kid just disappear? He had to be somewhere in the building since he had asked Harvey for help. He picked up his phone and dialed Mike's number again. Still no answer. Harvey's heart was pounding hard in his chest. He just hoped to god that Mike's was too.

– SUITS –

He felt that something was wrong pretty early. His felt constricted and taking deep breaths had been getting harder and harder. At first he had ignored it, but then he realized that this was probably something that he would need to do something about. It was typical, he couldn't catch a break. He felt kind of annoyed. It was like the cancer couldn't let him be okay for more than a day at the time, or something like that. He cursed at it. That didn't help.

He stupidly let another hour pass. When it first started to feel weird he had decided to head over to an empty conference room, so that he wouldn't draw unwanted attention to himself when he was at his cubicle. At first he thought about going to Harvey's office, but Harvey was not there. Mike knew he was at a meeting.

It didn't get better. When he stood up to fetch a paper that was on the other end of the table and felt lightheaded he decided that it probably was a good idea to head over to the hospital and check this out. He quickly texted Harvey and hoped that his meeting would be finished soon. He wasn't sure if he could make it to the hospital himself right now. It kind of felt like he was going to pass out. He was pretty dizzy, and it was getting harder to draw breaths than before.

Harvey didn't answer his text though. He felt like he couldn't wait any longer. He would have to go and find him. It would be embarrassing to have to pull Harvey out of a meeting, but it couldn't be helped. Harvey probably wouldn't mind if he told him what was going on.

However Mike didn't get that far. He took three steps, and then felt everything go dark.

– SUITS –

It took them a whole hour longer to find Mike. He had been in one of the conference rooms hidden behind a table. The files on the table had been noticed by one of the associates that thought it was odd that the room looked empty and he had went in to investigate. Mike was lying unconscious on the floor when Harvey stormed in, after the out-of-breath associate came and told him and shown him to the room. The kid was laying on his stomach, hands spread out in front of him, as if he had been trying to heave himself up. His phone was on the table out of his reach.

Harvey pushed away two associates and kneeled down next to Mike on the floor.

"Call an ambulance." He told them, as he tried to calm himself down. He brought a shaky hand out and pushed his fingers hard against Mike's neck to feel for a pulse. He found one and sagged a bit in relief.

"Hey you," he waved the associate how had found Mike over, "help me turn him around."

They did so, and Harvey put a hand under Mike's head to avoid him bumping it into the leg of the table. Mike was deathly pale and his breaths were coming out labored. Harvey carefully patted his cheek to rouse him, just as Donna stepped into the room with a water bottle in one hand and a towel in the other. On her way over to them she shooed the other people out of the room, and also ordered one of them to go down and meet the paramedics.

"Mike? Come on. Wake up." Nothing happened. Mike didn't react at all, and his head was lolling to the side as Harvey patted it.

Donna sat down next to them and wetted the towel a little and wiped Mike's sweaty face with it.

"He will be okay Harvey." She said to him. Apparently he seemed more upset than he was aware of if she was trying to calm him down. Of course it was also possible that she was trying to calm herself down, her hands were shaking a bit as she wiped the kids forehead.

Mike didn't stir, they couldn't wake him up. His body was limp where he lay, Donna was holding one of his hands. Harvey had his attention fixed on Mike's chest. He needed it to rise and fall, but feared that it would stop. He didn't know what he would do if he would stop breathing, he should take a course or something he briefly thought. He didn't know what was going on, why was Mike unconscious? Where the hell was the paramedics?

They arrived five minutes later. Donna took charge of the situation once more and chased away the onlookers and dragged Harvey out of the way for the medical personal so that they would have more room to work on Mike. They put an oxygen mask over his face and checked him over. They spoke quickly to each other while they worked.

Harvey and Donna stood on the side of the room close to the door and watched. Donna held on to Harvey and he had his arm around her.

"What is happening here? What's wrong with him? Harvey?"

It was Jessica. Someone must have alerted her of the commotion in Harvey's office, because she came up next to them and watched the paramedics work. Harvey didn't take his eyes of Mike.

"He was having trouble breathing." He said.

"What happened?"

"He texted me that he was in trouble, we found him in here."

"What's wrong with him?"

"Jessica, not now." Harvey asked her quietly. It looked like Mike was being ready to get moved.

"Harvey. I need to know what's going on her. Let me know what happens." She stepped to the side as they brought Mike's limp body passed them. Harvey nodded to Jessica and both he and Donna followed the gurney.

Donna and Harvey followed the ambulance in Ray's car. Donna had somehow managed to call him, and he had been waiting for them. Mike had already been whisked away when they arrived, and all they could do was sit down in the waiting room.

After a couple of hours they were told that Mike was stable. They had examined him and had been giving him oxygen. They were assured that he was out of the woods for now, but would be staying at the hospital for observation for a few days now.

They were both allowed to sit with the kid for a while. Mike was sleeping and they didn't want to wake him. Donna left after a while, and Harvey promised her that he would stay until Mike woke up.

"Tell him I'm going to kill him if he does anything like this again." Donna whispered before she left. He had scared them both. Not that Harvey was going to admit it.

Harvey didn't have to wait that long after that until Mike began to stir in his hospital bed. He coughed a bit and sluggishly opened his eyes. He looked around the room and found Harvey sitting there next to him on a chair.

"What happened?" He asked and looked at Harvey.

"You are an idiot, that's what happened!" Harvey said. It was time for a little lecture.

"What?"

"You text me that you are having trouble breathing, and then you pass out. You didn't tell anyone where the hell you were. We had to look for you, I had the whole office looking. Why the hell didn't you tell me or Donna where you were?"

"I didn't know that I was going to pass out Harvey!"

"You know you have cancer, don't you?"

"Yes, but..."

"Then you have no excuse. You tell us what's going on!"

"I was just working…"

"This is how it is going to be. You tell us, or you don't come to work anymore and I leave your ass at the hospital."

"What? You can't do that!"

"Sure I can!"

Harvey watched Mike's expression change. He went from looking defiant to looking like he was fighting against tears.

"You wouldn't." he whispered. "You wouldn't leave me here."

"Yes I would Mike. If you can't come to me when something is wrong, I can't trust you to be at work."

"But I did tell you."

"It wasn't good enough." He knew he was hard on the kid, but he needed to get through to him. He needed Mike to understand. Harvey did not want a repeat of today. What if he hadn't texted him in the first place? It would probably have taken hours before anyone missed the kid, and by then it could have been too late. He had been so scared today, during all that time when they couldn't locate the kid. He was angry at Mike for doing that to him, making him feel like that. He began to walk towards the door. He needed a break, before things got worse in here.

"No wait…I'm sorry, okay!"

"I'll be back later Mike." He said.

"Wait, Harvey. Wait. Come back!" Mike called after him. He closed the door behind him.

– SUITS –

Harvey was going to leave him here now! Harvey didn't want him around anymore! He was going to be alone now. He couldn't believe it. He had asked for help! How was he supposed to know what was going to happened? Harvey wasn't being fair.

Once again he was face with the fact that he was yet alone. He honestly hadn't thought that Harvey would leave him there. He had become surprised when he did walk out the door. Mike couldn't do anything to stop him either. It probably wasn't a good idea trying to get out of bed, and apparently was nothing he said going to help.

He didn't know anything about what happened since he passed out. What did happen? Harvey hadn't told him, just that it took them a long time to find him. He had felt so scared the moment when he had realized that he was going to pass out, because he had been wondering if he was going to wake up again. He had been so relieved when he did woke up, just to have Harvey there yelling at him like he had done something terribly wrong. But he hadn't, right?

He looked around the room. He didn't even know where he was. Harvey had told him that he would be back, but when? Why did he just leave? What if he didn't come back again? What if he died before Harvey came back? Oh, how he wished he wasn't alone. His thoughts twirled around in his head back and forth. They didn't make a lot of sense. Nothing did.

Maybe he could call someone? But who? The two people he could choose from was Harvey and Donna. Harvey hated him for some reason, and Donna wasn't there either. But she always took Harvey's side. She was probably mad at him too.

It was getting harder to breathe again. It felt as before in the conference room. He couldn't get enough air into his lungs. He fumbled around on the bed and found the button for the nurses. They came pretty quick and soon he found himself getting an oxygen mask over his face. He momentary forgot his loneliness. But when he had been reassured that nothing was wrong and that the extra oxygen he got was helping, it came back to him full force. Right about now he would give anything to not have to be there. He just felt so sad and pathetic and stupid that he just didn't care if he cried or not. It was not like anyone cared anyway. He wanted to hold on to something, because his chest was hurting in many different ways now. But there were nothing and no one there.

He tried to stop crying, it wasn't comfortable because the tears kept running down his face and even got in one of his ears, his nose got stuffy as well. It sucked. But all he could do was lay there.

The door opened suddenly, and Mike looked towards it. Did Harvey come back? But it wasn't him, it was just a nurse.

"Oh hey there." She said when she saw the state he was in. "You are not doing so good, huh?" She grabbed a tissue and wiped his face for him. "Are you in pain?" She asked. He just shook his head.

"Oh, okay. Is it something else I can help you with?"

It wasn't, and she left after a few minutes. Mike just lay there, blinking up at the ceiling. When the door opened the second time he didn't bother looking.

"Oh, shit. What happened to you?" Harvey exclaimed. He had come back! Mike felt himself starting to shake for some reason. He really came.

"Did you get worse?" Harvey stepped closer to him, and looked down on the oxygen mask. Mike ignored what he was saying. He just felt so relieved that he didn't care. He just stretched his hand out towards Harvey. It was shaking.

– SUITS –

Harvey had gone outside when he left Mike's hospital room. He needed to get away from it all for a while. He had heard Mike call for him, but had ignored it. He felt bad about that now where he was in line to get a cup of coffee.

Mike had been so stupid though. How hard was it to let someone know where he was going?

Harvey had gotten calls from both Jessica and Donna. He ignored them both. He didn't want to talk to them. Donna would most certainly yell at him. When he thought about it he kind of deserved to be yelled at. After all, Mike couldn't know that he was going to pass out. And he had asked Harvey for help. And also, if he had looked at Mike's text right away he would probably been able to contact him before he passed out. He should probably get back to the kid.

He was surprised when he stepped into Mike's room again. The kid looked much worse. He had a mask over his face and was laying really still. He didn't respond when he talked to him. Couldn't he speak behind the mask?

Mike reached out for him then. His hand was shaking. Harvey knew what he wanted, so he took Mike's hand in his. Mike weakly squeezed it. Tears were showing in his eyes. Harvey's heart started to beat harder in his chest. What the hell was wrong now? He found the button and pushed it a couple of times.

"What's wrong Mike?" he tried to ask him.

The nurse that arrived a few minutes later assured Harvey that nothing was wrong.

"But look at him?!"

"He is probably just a bit upset and overwhelmed." She said quietly to him and carefully wiped Mike's tears away. "We will be able to remove this shortly." She mentioned for the mask.

After she left Harvey sat down next to Mike again and took his hand again. It was so weird, but Mike seemed to be holding on to his hand for all he was worth. As if he wanted to hold him there. Maybe he was trying to do just that. Harvey remembered what he said to the kid before he left. Mike got worse after that. Was it his doing? Shit!

"Look Mike, you don't have to worry now, okay. Everything is okay." He leaned forward a bit. Mike's tired eyes met his.

"Sorry about before, okay." Mike nodded a bit.

"I'm sorry too, Harvey." he said. "I'm sorry. I should have…I wont…I wont do it again." He forced out.

"Shit! Do you even know what you are talking about? What won't you do again?" Harvey demanded. Mike just looked up at him and looked frightened.

"What, Mike?" Harvey pressed. Mike shook his head.

"Whatever I did. I will tell you where I am. I will." Harvey sighed.

"Yeah, I know you will. It's okay." He patted Mike's arm a bit. "I think I might have over reacted a bit too, you know. Hey, don't be sad Mike. It's okay."

That frightened look the kid had on his face wouldn't disappear. Harvey needed it to do that. He felt really guilty now. The kid must have felt totally abandoned. He just woke up in a hospital bed to be told off and then left by himself. Did Mike really think that Harvey was going to leave him there? Was that what this was about?

"Mike, I'm not going to leave you here. Did you think I was?" He asked. He needed to know. Mike's eyes flickered around the room, he wouldn't meet Harvey's eyes.

"Did you?" He asked again.

A nod.

"Well, I wasn't. It was just empty talk, you know?"

Mike nodded hesitantly again.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled behind the damn oxygen mask.

"Me too. Me too kid. Let's just forget about it okay?"

"Yeah."

"You made quite a scene earlier. Donna was worried. She said to tell you that she will kill you if you do it again." Mike actually smiled at that, and Harvey took it as a win. A doctor came by a bit later and Mike was able to lose the mask.

Harvey told Mike what happened at the office after his disappearing act.

"I didn't actually disappear. I was at the office the whole time."

"Yeah, but you were hiding behind a desk."

"I wasn't hiding either I was just…"

"Just what?" Harvey smirked. "I want to know this."

"Oh come on. Stop. You are being an ass."

"Whatever. Anyway Mike, we have to tell Jessica what's going on now. It's time."

"Yeah, okay." Mike agreed. "I guess she will be pissed otherwise."

"Yes, you are right about that. She probably already are, she just hides it."

"What will she do?"

"Nothing. Don't worry. Are you feeling better by the way?"

"Yes, I am. I'm just tired."

"Yeah, you should sleep." Harvey hesitated for a moment. "You know they are keeping you here for a few days now right?"

Mike nodded.

"And you are okay with that?"

"Yeah, sure Harvey. I don't have much choice, do I?"

"No, but you do realize that I not just abandoning you here right?"

Mike blushed a bit. "Yeah, Harvey. I'll be fine. I was just confused before. I just…" He didn't finish, he probably didn't know what else to say, and Harvey let him off the hook. Donna will probably come by tomorrow morning, and I will stop by as well if you want to?"

"Yeah, it would be nice with some company." Mike said carefully.

"Then I will see you later kid." Harvey lightly punched the kid on the arm, before leaving. Mike smiled and waved at him tiredly. He would be fine.

– SUITS –

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