Chapter 23.
Mike woke up during the night, sweaty and confused. He pushed the covers away from him and noticed something solid next to him. In the dim light of the room he could make out Harvey's features. Harvey was sleeping on the bed next to him! He wiped the sweat of his forehead and just stared at Harvey in surprise. What was going on? Why was Harvey here? Think Mike he told himself. He had a vague memory of himself feeling really scared and alone. Harvey had been there too. And Harvey was here now. He was actually sleeping next to him right now. He didn't really know for sure why, but he had a feeling that he had made a fool of himself somehow. Had he been crying again? He had had a lot of nightmares, so at the moment he had some trouble with distinguishing what had been real and what hadn't.
It was dark in the room, and Harvey was still sleeping. Maybe he should too. He was tired after all. He laid down on his pillow again and closed his eyes. He could hear Harvey breathing next to him, and it was oddly comforting. He wasn't really sure why.
The next time he woke up Harvey wasn't there anymore, and he wondered if it all had been a dream. The he had the covers back on top of him, he didn't know when that had happened.
He was so tired, but he didn't want to sleep. He wanted to figure out what was going on. He felt a bit lost. He was warm and could feel his shirt sticking to his back. It would be nice to change out of it, but that meant getting up, so he dismissed that idea. He better stay here. He let out a deep sigh. It was kind of hard to breath, but it didn't feel that bad, so he wasn't that worried. He wasn't in any pain, other than a headache.
So what he knew so far was that he was sick, he had a fever. He suspected that it had been pretty bad last night. He had trouble remembering what had transpired, but he wasn't really sure if it was something he wanted to remember. He had been crying, he was sure of that now. Why did he have to do that all the time? It was embarrassing, he was an adult after all, he shouldn't cry like that. He really had become a wimp lately. It wasn't his fault though, it was the cancer. It was the side effects. And oh, that's right. He was depressed. He had almost forgotten about that too. He had a major depression. Well, that was fun. He never had thought himself as a person capable of getting depressed. Now he had proved himself wrong. Mike didn't really know what to do with that. How was he supposed to handle being depressed? Was he supposed to do something, or act in a certain way now?
He really didn't want to be depressed. Right now, he didn't feel that down, but maybe that was the fever talking.
"Oh you're awake!" Harvey was at the door, peaking inside of the room. He was dressed, but not in a suit as Mike had expected.
"Yeah." He said. "What are you wearing?"
"Oh, so that's what you want to talk about now?" Harvey smirked a bit at him. "How are you doing?" He stepped into the room and sat down on the bed.
"Eh..okay I think."
He almost jerked back as Harvey's hand flew out and plated itself on his forehead. "Yeah, I don't know about that kid." Harvey said. "You are still buring up. But you seem a bit more lucid now. That's good."
Mike didn't know how Harvey could tell that he was more lucid now since he hadn't really said anything. He felt himself blushing when he realized that Harvey probably said so because he had been much worse before. So he really had been freaking out last night, it wasn't just a dream?
"I don't think I want to know what happened last night." He groaned.
"You don't remember?"
"Just bits and pieces… It was kind of bad right?" Mike hesitantly asked. He wasn't sure if he wanted Harvey to tell him. Harvey looked at him for a moment before he answered.
"You could say that. Your fever was really high."
Mike couldn't stop himself from groaning. "I freaked out on you didn't I? Sorry Harvey."
"It was nothing I couldn't handle, no need for that." He said as Mike tried to apologies some more. "You couldn't really help it."
"But I was…" He couldn't say it. He didn't want to think about it actually. He had been so pathetic. So weak. It wasn't him! It wasn't who he was. Who he wanted to be.
"Mike! Come on, calm down. You are freaking out again. Honestly I have had enough of that, so it would be nice if you could get yourself together a bit now."
Harvey was kind of rambling. What was going on? His thought process was actually put on hold for a while there.
"Okay." He said. "No more freaking out."
"Good. Thank you." Harvey said uncharacteristically.
They were quiet for some time, before Harvey spoke again. "So… I made you some breakfast. I have already eaten, but if you are up for some food, I can bring you some."
Harvey was being so nice, it was weird.
"Like here? In bed? You want to bring me breakfast in bed?" Harvey stood up.
"Well, actually when you put it like that, no. You should come to the table. No breakfast in bed for you."
"What? Why? I'm sick!"
But Harvey was already out the door, and Mike rolled his eyes a bit. It had been worth a try. He managed to sit up, and felt pretty dizzy. For a moment the room was tilting to the side, and he thought he was going to fall out of bed, before everything got kind of upright again. He had to lean his head against the door frame for a moment when he got up, but then went out into the kitchen were Harvey was sitting and reading a paper.
Harvey studied him for a while as he sat down in front of a cup of tea. "You really look like crap." He announced.
"Thanks."
"I was just telling it like it is."
"Whatever. What time is it anyway? Shouldn't we be at work?"
Harvey raised an eyebrow.
"Fine. Shouldn't you be at work?"
"Not today." Was all Harvey said, and Mike decided not to push it any further. He kind of liked the idea of Harvey staying at home with him. He felt his face heathen up even more at the thought of Harvey staying home for his sake. He remembered a comment about babysitting.
Mike took his meds and drank his tea like a good boy, and Harvey forced him to take some extra pills for the fever. They ended up on the couch after that. Harvey brought some files with him and Mike turned on the TV and curled up under a blanket. Mike felt like he actually could relax. He felt calmer than he had in a long time.
"Look Mike," Harvey suddenly said after an hour or so, looking up from the papers in his lap. "Do you...Do you want to talk about last night?"
"What? Talk about how I freaked out on you? No thank you Harvey." He was surprised that Harvey was asking about that.
"Mike…"
"No, it's fine. We don't have to talk about it Harvey. It's embarrassing enough already."
"I have told you that you don't need to feel embarrassed about that sort of things."
"It's kind of hard not to be."
Harvey nodded thoughtfully. "I guess." He said and went back to the files. Thankfully for Mike he let it go after that. Mike really didn't feel like talking about it. However, there was one thing he should do.
"Thank you Harvey." He said quietly, and Harvey looked up at him again. "You know, for being there yesterday. It is kind of hazy but I know that you were there for some of it and I just…well…thanks."
"You are welcome Mike." They didn't talk anymore about it after that. Harvey focused on the files and Mike on the movie. At least until he fell asleep.
– SUITS –
Mike had been sleeping for about two hours when Harvey thought it was time for a break. He had texted Donna this morning and told her that he and Mike was staying home and that he would call her later. He got up from the couch and stepped out on his balcony to not disturb Mike. Donna answered after the first signal. She immediately asked him about Mike.
"How is Mike? What happened? He is the reason you are staying home isn't he?"
"Mike is doing okay. He is sleeping on the couch Donna."
"Alright, and what's wrong with him? Is it his heart? Did something happen?"
"No it's not his heart, he just have a fever."
"And?"
"Well, it was really bad yesterday so I thought I would stay at home with him to make sure it doesn't get out of hand."
"And because you don't want him to be alone."
"He was really bad yesterday Donna."
"Did you take him to the hospital?"
"No, I talked with them and they said to bring him if his breathing got labored or if he was in a lot of pain, and that didn't happened."
"What happened then, to get you so upset?"
"I'm not upset!"
"Harvey…"
"He was delirious. He wasn't even aware that I was in the room with him, he was so out of it. I couldn't leave the room."
"Oh, poor kid. Do you want me to come over and help?"
"No, he is just sleeping now. His fever is not as high as last night. He should be fine. I need you at the office Donna."
"Louis is looking for you by the way. He came by twice looking for you before he asked me where you were."
"Shit…" Harvey sighed. "We were supposed to talk through the case today."
"Yes, he said you have been avoiding him for days now."
"Yeah, well. Tell him I'll be there tomorrow."
"I will try, but I'm not sure he will settle for that Harvey. He was pretty pissed at you. Said it was important and that it can't wait any longer."
"One other day won't matter, I'm staying here today. I know you can handle him Donna."
"Of course."
"What else do you got?" Harvey asked, and Donna told him during the next few minutes before they hang up.
Harvey woke up Mike for lunch and forced him to eat a bowl of soup with his meds. Mike made it clear that he didn't appreciated it at all. They argued and Harvey was secretly happy that Mike did, he was more like himself when he did. He really hated the frightened confused look he had seen on Mike's face the other night.
"Harvey?" Mike suddenly said when they had moved back to the couch. Or Mike was on the couch, Harvey in a chair.
"Yeah?" Harvey answered without looking up.
"You really should think about getting some curtains for the windows."
"What?" Harvey looked up at him. Mike was focusing on the TV. "Are you serious?"
"It would make it more homie."
"Oh, I forgot your grandmother raised you."
"What? Lots of people have curtains! It's a normal thing to have."
Harvey just ignored him. The next time he looked up Mike was sleeping again. The kid was sleeping on and off during the day. It was hard to understand how he could be so tired, but he was sick after all.
Mike's fever didn't seem to lessen, later during the day it was the opposite because it was raising instead. Mike's eyes were glazed over at the times when he was awake, and he listlessly stared at the TV. He didn't really say much, just accepted the pain killers and meds to help battle the fever that Harvey gave him. Harvey was grateful that he wasn't delirious at least.
The kid was asleep again. His head rested sideways against the back of the couch. It looked uncomfortable. He really should go and sleep in his bed. It was getting late as well. He smirked a bit to himself and carefully threw a pillow on Mike.
"Hey Mike!" he earned a low groan.
"You are snoring. I can't concentrate. Go to your room kid." He told him when Mike was more awake.
"I'm not snoring." He argued.
"You should go and sleep on your bed Mike, your neck is going to be killing you tomorrow."
"Fine…" Mike tiredly sat up and stayed there for a second before he stood up and slowly made his way to his room. He left the door ajar.
– SUITS –
Mike woke up from someone yelling. Or at least he thought so, he wasn't really sure if he maybe had been dreaming it. The dreams were always so vivid, and he remembered them most of the time.
He was sweaty and feverish and really felt like getting something cold to drink. That would be so nice. However he really didn't feel like getting up at the moment. Maybe he could call for Harvey? He did so. He listened to see if Harvey had heard him or not. Then he thought he heard multiple voices coming from the living room. Did Harvey have company? He couldn't remember Harvey saying something about that earlier.
He decided to get up and investigate. Yes, it was definitely someone else there. He could hear them talking now. He stepped out into the living room. "Harvey…?" he started, but stopped immediately as he saw Louis standing there in front of the couch. At first he just froze on the spot, not knowing what to do. What should he do? Thoughts of panic suddenly rushed through his mind, and he did what felt best, turned around and stumbled back into his room. He crawled onto the bed and pulled the covers over him.
Suddenly he felt worried. Really worried. He felt his heart starting to beat harder, and he pulled the cover closer to himself. Mike felt dread rise within him. Louis didn't know about the cancer yet. Louis had looked so pissed and Mike wished he would just leave. Why was he here? He was going to ruin everything! He could hear Louis' voice coming closer and suddenly the door was pushed open and Louis was standing there staring at him. Mike quickly scrambled upright on the bed, he felt too vulnerable laying down. The next moment Harvey was there too, and Louis started screaming.
– SUITS –
Harvey had been buried in files when he heard a knock on the door. He had no idea of how it was. Donna usually called before she came over, but it couldn't be anyone else but her. He stood and went to open the door.
"Hey Donna, I thought you…" He stopped talking. He was pretty shocked when it was Louis Litt who was standing there instead of Donna. "Louis, what are you doing here?"
"Well, what do you think Harvey? I'm here about the case that we are supposed to work together on, remember?" He stepped closer to Harvey that was blocking the doorway. "Are you going to let me in or not?" They were standing uncomfortable close to each other, and somehow Harvey didn't want to back down, Louis would take it as an invitation. He really didn't want to let Louis in. It would only cause trouble. The trouble was Mike of course, Louis didn't know he was sick. Louis didn't know that Mike was living with him. But he had been avoiding Louis pretty much the entire case now, so he guessed he had no choice but to let the other man in, hopefully Mike would stay asleep.
They walked into the living room and Harvey did a sweep of the apartment, looking for signs of that something was out of order in the condo, or signs that indicated that Mike was living with him. The only suspicious thing was the bottle of pills on the kitchen counter. It wasn't likely that Louis would think that all of them was Harvey's. It was at least ten of them there. But Louis didn't notice and instead started talking about the case as he sat down on the couch previously occupied by Mike.
Louis had his briefcase with him and took out a few things that they started to discuss, and Harvey started to think that they could get through it and Louis would leave without getting to know about Mike. However he wasn't that lucky.
"What was that?" Louis asked as Mike called Harvey's name.
"Nothing. Probably just the neighbours." It was worth a try Harvey though and swore in his mind that Mike had woken up just now.
"Bullshit. It came from your apartment." Louis looked around and then turned to Harvey. "What's going on here? You have someone here?"
"No, why would you think that?"
"Don't lie to me Harvey, I know that you are hiding something from me now, and you have been doing it for a while now and frankly it's really pissing me off." He stood up.
"Louis if I'm hiding something from you it is because it is none of your business." Harvey answered and started to get annoyed.
"Harvey?" Mike's timid voice interrupted them, and they both turned to look at him. Mike stood as frozen for the whole of two seconds before he bolted back into his room. Damn.
Louis stood as frozen as well, staring at the door where Mike had disappeared. Then he seemed to unfreeze and turned to Harvey again.
"What the hell is he doing here?" He yelled and went after Mike. He pushed the door opened and stepped inside Harvey closely on his heels.
"What the hell is this! What is going on here?" He looked around the room. "He lives here? He lives here with you? What the hell?" Louis was yelling by now. Harvey looked over at Mike who just sat there on his bed with a terrified expression on his face, his mouth slightly opened. He threw a glance at Harvey that begged for help, but he didn't say a word. The poor kid was trembling. It was clearly visible, you could easily tell that Mike was in a really bad shape and that he was scared.
"Louis, calm the hell down." He said firmly. "Come on, look at him. You are scaring him."
Louis snorted. "Scaring him? What the hell Harvey!? This is so unprofessional on so many levels. What the hell is he doing here?"
"That's enough!" Harvey yelled back. This had to stop. Mike looked like he couldn't take another second of it, if Harvey didn't do something. Harvey knew, because his eyes hadn't left Mike during Louis's rant. "Get out! Louis, get out of here. Go wait in the living room."
"No, I'm not going anywhere until you explain. Or you!" He turned to Mike now and stepped closer to him. Mike responded with clumsily crawling backwards on the bed, shaking his head.
"Louis. Now." Harvey said with a cold voice, which left no room for argument. The only reason he didn't actually manhandle Louis out of the room was because of Mike. That would probably freak him out even more. Louis seemed to know that Harvey was serious because he left the room, but they could hear him mutter. "Unbelievable."
As soon as he left the room Harvey closed the door hard behind him and then turned towards Mike. The younger man was leaning against the wall as far away from the door as possible, and he was watching Harvey with big shiny eyes. Harvey had no idea of how aware Mike was of the situation. When he last checked his fever it had been pretty high again and the fever mixed with the painkillers made the kid act a bit weird.
Harvey calmly walked over to the bed and slowly sat down.
"You okay?" He kindly asked Mike. Mike's eyes kept flickering to the door. He shook his head.
"Why is he here?" He whispered.
"He just came over to discuss a case with me. He said that it was urgent." It didn't seem like Mike understood what he said, or even listened. His hands grasped the covers.
"Is he…What is he… Do I…" Mike rambled. "Harvey…"
"It's okay, Mike. He is leaving soon."
"But what will happen now? He knows I'm here. What will he do?"
"He won't do a thing. Other than leave." Mike didn't seem convinced. He had tears in his eyes now.
"Harvey." He said. "Harvey?"
"Yeah Mike, I'm here."
"What's going to happen now? Do I have to leave now? Do I? I…I don't want to do that. He…Louis…"
"You are not going anywhere Mike. Don't worry. I'm going to go out there and tell him to leave, okay? Then I will come back." He made to stand.
"No, no wait." Mike grabbed for him and caught the hem of his sleeve. "What will you tell him?"
"To leave of course. None of this is his business anyway."
"Maybe you should just tell him." Mike said. He was suddenly a bit clearer. Harvey had apparently managed to convince him that nothing bad was going to happened to him.
"You want to tell him you have cancer?"
"It's okay."
"Are you sure?" He questioned.
"I think it will be easier to just tell him then to lie to him." Mike reasoned. "He is never going to let this go otherwise."
"You have a point. You want to calm down a bit and then come and do it yourself?" Harvey asked. Mike looked uncertain.
"I don't feel that great Harvey. I honestly think that if he starts to yell again, I'll… you know."
"How about I go out there and I calm him down, and then you come? I think you should be there for that. Or we can wait if you don't feel up for it."
"Yeah... no, it's okay."
Harvey nodded and went to leave. "Tell him not to yell." Mike added and Harvey rolled his eyes. "Right."
"Harvey!"
"Fine. I'll tell him I'll kick his ass if he yells, okay?"
"Okay. Sweet."
When Harvey came out into the living room he found Louis restlessly walking back and forth. As soon as he was aware of that Harvey was in the room he turned towards him with his arms raised out.
"So? What the hell Harvey? Your associate is living with you?"
"Calm the hell down and think Louis. Have you even considered the fact that there might be a fucking reason as to why he is living with me?" Harvey had a bit of a hard time controlling his temper.
Louis stared at him. "You mean that something is wrong with him right? Is that why he is here?"
"Well, I want to kick you the hell out, but Mike thinks that it is time for you to know what's going on."
"About time! That's the whole reason you are handing off this case to me, isn't it?"
"If you can calm down, sit down and have a conversation, you will find out Louis. Do you think you can do that?"
"Yes. Fine." He did sit down. However he couldn't keep calm for long. Harvey sat down in front of him.
"I demand to know what going on Harvey!"
"You don't have the right to demand anything in my house."
"Or is it your associate's house? Apparently he seems to think so."
Harvey had to draw deep breaths. What he would like was to throw Louis out on his ass, but he could still see the other man's point.
"Louis…" He said calmly, at least he thought so. "Do you want to know or do you want to leave?"
"I want to know Harvey. I deserve to know."
"Then calm the hell down, and let us tell you."
"Okay."
"Are you calm? Can I get Mike in here?"
"Yeah, I'm calm."
"You won't yell at him?"
"What? Are you seriously asking me that?" He saw Harvey's glance and just nodded then. Harvey nodded back and went back to get Mike. When he opened the door to Mike's room and called his name he got no response. Mike was asleep. How he managed to fall asleep in the short time they were gone Harvey didn't know. At least he was calm. He lightly shook Mike shoulder.
"Hey Mike. You okay?" He asked. Mike groggily looked up at him and nodded.
"Yeah, sure. I fell asleep."
"I noticed. You want to come and tell Louis?"
"Yeah…Let's do it. Help me up?" He extended a hand, and Harvey took it and pulled him up. Mike sat a minute with his head bowed down. Harvey stood next to him patiently waiting until the kid had gotten himself together enough to stand up and come with him to the living room. Harvey felt strangely protective as he walked out into his living room with Mike trailing behind him. Louis had taken a seat in one of the chairs, which made Harvey to lead Mike around to the couch. He gently pushed him down on it and took a seat next to him.
"Alright. I'm not yelling. Are you two going to tell me what is going on here or not?" Louis impatiently said.
"Yeah, we will tell you now. I told you so." Harvey said. He was really annoyed at Louis, but to tell him was Mike's decision. He looked over at Mike, he didn't look scared anymore which was a good thing. Louis was also looking at Mike.
"Are you going to speak or what?" Mike flinched a tiny bit, hopefully Louis didn't even see it, and then glanced at Harvey who just nodded in encouragement.
"Well, the thing is Louis that I do live here now." Mike started just to be interrupted.
"And what the hell is that about? Are you a couple or something? Because that is…" Both Harvey and Mike protested.
"No way!"
"No! I'm just sick." Mike claimed.
"You are sick." Louis spat out. For some reason he was really angry, and Harvey just wanted to punch him in the face for speaking to Mike like that. But Mike wasn't faced by the anger for some other reason.
"I have cancer in my heart." He said with a steady voice, effectively silencing Louis. Louis stared at him, opened his mouth and shut it again.
"Are you bullshiting me?" he asked eventually. Mike sighed a bit, but then struggled with his shirt a moment, both Harvey and Louis watching him. He pulled the zipper on his hoodie down and pulled the hem on his t-shirt down, displaying his port-a-cath poking out underneath his skin.
"It's for chemotherapy." Mike quietly said.
"Chemotherapy…" Louis repeated. He stared at Mike's chest until he pulled the zipper up again. Mike just nodded and waited.
"You have cancer. You have cancer in your heart?" Mike nodded again.
"Heart cancer." Louis eyes flickered between Mike and Harvey. "Heart cancer. Oh my god." To both Harvey's and Mike's surprise his eyes filled with tears. "Oh my god Mike." He repeated. "I am so sorry."
"Thank you Louis."
"Oh god." Louis stood up and quickly made his way to the windows, standing there with his back at them not saying anything. Harvey gave Mike a look and raised an eyebrow. Should they do anything? Mike just shrugged. So they waited, until Louis turned and came back and sat down. He had composed himself, and there was no traces of tears on his face.
"Mike, I'm really sorry to hear about this. I mean Harvey told me that you were sick, but I didn't think that…It was this bad." He paused for a moment. "How long have you been sick?"
"Since the Eklund case."
"Oh. Alright. That's a while. And you are getting treated. How are you doing?"
"Eh…I'm...I'm not so good I guess." Mike said.
"But is there hope?" Louis quietly asked, and Mike hesitated, so Harvey helped him out.
"Yes it is." He said. "There is hope. He is going to be fine."
Louis nodded and Mike bowed his head down. Mike seemed to shrink down a bit into himself, and Harvey reached out and put a hand on his warm shoulder and squeezed reassuringly. He could feel Mike trembling underneath his hand. He realized that Mike probably was close to crashing but was fighting it. It was time to end the night.
"Look Louis, now you know. I think it's time for Mike to head back to bed. He has a fever."
"Oh, of course." Louis hurriedly got up and walked over to them. "Can I do anything?" He asked.
"No, it's fine. I got it." Harvey said after seeing Mike's face. "Just wait here."
He got Mike into the bedroom, and put him on the bed. The kid let out a sigh and let himself fall down. "Now he knows."
"Yes he does." Harvey said. "You good?"
"Yeah. I'm good. I think I'm going to sleep now Harvey."
"Yes, you do that." As Mike closed his eyes Harvey went back to the living room and Louis. He went to the kitchen, took out to glasses and a bottle and poured the alcohol into them then handed one to Louis as he sat down in front of him.
They sat there quietly for a while.
"I didn't know." Louis said then.
"I know."
"Is he going to be okay, Harvey?"
"I don't know, Louis." Harvey sighed and rested his head against the back of the couch, suddenly feeling very tired.
"It's an admirable thing you are doing here Harvey." Louis quietly said. "Taking care of him, letting him live with you."
"You know he doesn't have anyone else."
"Well, the way I see it" Louis said and stood up, "he doesn't really need anyone else when you are in his corner."
Harvey locked eyes with Louis and saw the sincerity in the other man's eyes.
"Thank you Louis."
"If there is anything I can do to help, just let me know. I will take care of the meeting on Thursday."
Harvey nodded. "I think your idea of approach is good Louis, we should go for it."
"I will set it up. See you tomorrow. Thanks for the drink."
With that Louis left. Strangely Harvey felt better than he had in a while. It surprised him that Louis was the reason of it. Louis approach wasn't the way he had wanted to go for the case originally, but it might just work, and it would mean less work. It meant that he could focus on other things.
– SUITS –
So, what did you think about that?
Thank you for reading and reviewing!