Chapter 26.
Harvey stepped into Mike's hospital room. He had been told that Mike's condition was good enough for him to go home today. It would be good to bring the kid home with him. And above all Harvey thought it would do Mike good. The kid seemed so depressed at the hospital. Harvey hated the look Mike gave him from that awful bed. He would be propped up on a few big pillows that made him look smaller than he was. Whenever Harvey stepped into the room Mike would get this weird look on his face. It was almost as if he got sadder by Harvey's arrival. At first Harvey hadn't known what to do about that. Didn't Mike want him there? But he knew Mike wanted him there. He never wanted him to go and after a while, with a growing unease in his stomach, Harvey began to suspect that the reason why Mike looked like that was because Harvey was finally there. He thought that Mike was so relieved that he was there that he almost couldn't take it. Harvey had felt kind of sick when he first had that thought. He had stayed with Mike until it was almost early morning and Mike was asleep yesterday. Because he couldn't make himself leave while Mike was awake. He didn't think he would be able to leave Mike then, when he apparently so desperately wanted him to stay. Sure, Mike had been upset at times before when he had to leave, but he had never made the connection then. He had felt so stupid. Mike had mentioned to him that he didn't like being alone. But Harvey had always figured that it was different at the hospital because it was people there all the time. But maybe it was worse for Mike at the hospital. No one was there for him, they were there because it was their jobs, unlike Harvey, who actually came to see Mike.
Anyhow, Mike was good to go home today. Of course they would have to watch out for the normal symptoms, but the doctors thought as well as Harvey did, that it would be good for Mike to get home a bit. Or to Harvey's home.
It was a nurse in the room when Harvey got there. She was sitting on a chair chatting quietly with Mike. He looked quite alright, of course he was pale and all, but he was sitting up and his eyes looked alert.
"Hi kid!" Harvey greeted. "You ready to head home?"
"If I am! Harvey I can't wait to get out of here!" He turned to the nurse and added. "No offence." She just laughed and turned to Harvey.
"I understand that Mike lives with you?" she asked.
"Eh…yes. He does." She nodded a bit and looked between them. "So you are his main caregiver?" She asked. Mike blushed a bit and looked down on his lap.
"Yeah, I guess that is what I am." Harvey just answered. He didn't feel that awkward as Mike apparently did.
"That's great. I want to show you how to tend to his wounds."
"What wounds? He doesn't have any wounds." Harvey said.
The nurse seemed a bit taken back. "Oh well, yes he does. They are from the radiation. It is common to get them. And unfortunately Mike's has become pretty bad and infected by now, so he will need help with redressing them. I will show you."
Harvey stepped up to Mike, both to be able to yell a bit at him, and to see what the nurse was doing. So that was what the bandages had been for. "Why didn't you tell me you have those?" he muttered at Mike. Not so much yelling. Not when Mike didn't want to look at him.
"It's not so bad Harvey."
"Oh Mike, they are, you know that." The nurse said. She was now lowering the bed, so that Mike was laying down more flat. She then proceeded with starting to remove his gown. Harvey swore softly when he saw Mike's chest. What he noticed at first was the big angry looking areas covering the kid's chest, it was a few pretty big white dressings covering what Harvey now knew was wounds. The skin next to them looked raw and sore. Almost a little bloody. It was quite disgusting and Harvey grimaced. The second thing he noticed was how skinny Mike was. He would easily count Mike's ribs. He really did look sick. He should fed him more.
"Alright, Sir? Are you listening?"
"Yeah, yeah." Harvey forced himself to look away from Mike's chest. The kid himself was just staring up in the ceiling. "Not bad you say?" Mike didn't answer.
"You will need to change this twice a day, one time in the morning when he wakes up, and then once before he goes to sleep at night. I will show you how."
She had a small bowl of water next to her on the table, and a white washcloth. She started to carefully wet the edges of the dressings. As soon as she touched Mike's skin, the man jerked in response.
"I know Mike…I'm sorry." She continued wetting all the edges and then started to slowly and carefully starting to peel it off. Mike jerked again and his hands flew up from the bed towards his chest. His face was twisted in pain. "I know it hurts Mike, I'm being as careful as I can. I know." she mumbled to him as she got a part big enough lose to be able to stick her fingers under it and pull. She stopped herself when Mike hissed and she looked up at Harvey.
"Why don't you comfort him?" She said.
"Um yeah… sure." Harvey awkwardly said and stepped a bit closer to the bed. "It'll be okay Mike." He said when she looked at him.
The nurse started to peel off the bandage and a gasp eluded from Mike's lips. The nurse apologized.
"Why don't you hold his hand?" she suggested to Harvey, who took Mike's hand in his after just a moment of hesitation.
"You don't have too." Mike whispered, sensing Harvey's unease. His eyes were screwed shut, and his hand was slack in Harvey's. Harvey rolled his eyes, and just grabbed on with his other hand as well. The nursed pulled a tiny bit more and Mike immediately grasped his hand back, all awkwardness from his part forgotten.
The process of changing the dressings was much longer than anyone would have liked. Mike was panting and sweating by the end of it. Multiple moans had escaped him, even though Harvey suspected he did his best not to. His hand in Harvey's were shaking. As soon as all the dressings where gone the young nurse also applied some cream on the skin that seemed to be the most damaged. Some areas was bleeding. Harvey wished he could un-see the whole thing. It was so hard seeing Mike hurt this much. The part when she applied new ones was not much better since she had to press them down on Mike's chest to make them stick. That was hurting the kid, even though she was very gentle.
"You alright?" Harvey quietly asked Mike, when the nurse where packing away the old bandages.
"Yeah… I think so. But that is so awful." Mike answered in a shaky voice. "I'm glad it's over."
"You and me both."
"It feels better now though." Mike added. "The cream helps."
Harvey stepped outside while Mike got help with getting dressed in his normal clothes. He felt that it was good to get a moment to himself. That had not been a pleasant experience. Not for anyone.
Before they left the nurse took Harvey aside while Mike talked to his doctor. She handed him a prescription for the cream she had used earlier and talked about how good it was, and wanted to reassure herself that Harvey was certain how to tend to Mike's wounds. He told her that he would take care of it. She gave him a few more tips, and Harvey couldn't do anything else but patiently listen while Mike took his time with his doctor.
"Isn't she nice?" Mike questioned Harvey when they were slowly walking down the hall towards the exit. "I think she liked you." Harvey cast him a sideways glance and saw that the kid was smirking.
"Except all she could talk about was you."
"Well, I'm what you have in common."
"Right now that's all we have in common. Do you know how long she talked about pus just now?"
"Hehe…that's gross." Mike coughed a bit and had to stop and support himself against the wall. "So you are not going to go for it?"
"Are you kidding?"
"Well, you would have more than one reason to come here then."
"The reason I have is enough Mike." Harvey said calmly.
"Okay…"
"So how do you feel to get out of this place then?"
"Best day of my life."
Harvey just shook his head at him.
– SUITS –
Mike's attempts to lighten the mood a bit didn't really work. Harvey didn't try to get into it at all and remained serious until Mike stopped. The joke about Harvey having another reason to come to the hospital got Mike thinking. Harvey said he already had enough of a reason. Him. That was nice. So maybe Harvey didn't mind that much after all. He was always worried about that. That Harvey didn't want to be there. And now the he had to sit there and hold Mike's hand while he was acting like a baby. Sure it hurt like hell to change the dressing. It felt like the nurse was trying to remove his skin and nothing else. That hurt! He was doing his best not to show it, but he couldn't. All he wanted was for her to stop. The wounds had gotten worse lately, bigger, something about his skin finally giving in to the pressure of the radiation or something and the fact that he some infection. He hadn't really listened that much when it was explained to him. But it was nice that Harvey was there this time. He gave him something else to focus on.
He was looking forward to go home again. Well, going to Harvey's place. Since when was he thinking of that like his home. But it wasn't his fault that he was never at his own place. Harvey wouldn't let him, and it was not like Mike was insisting. He did not want to go there.
When they got to the condo Harvey ordered take out, claiming he didn't have any food. When Harvey was out of the room for a while Mike went to look in the fridge. It was stocked with food. Apparently Harvey didn't feel like cooking, neither did he.
"Can I go with you to work tomorrow?" Mike asked. "I feel up to it. Really." At Harvey's facial expression he continued. "I won't do anything strenuous anyway. I will just sit there quietly. It will be just the same as being here."
"I don't know Mike. You have been at the hospital for days. I don't think it is such a good idea for you to go to work the next day."
"I will do everything you say."
Harvey laughed. "That would be a nice day. You never do everything I say."
"Yes I do. All the time."
"So if I tell you to take a cab home, you will do it?"
"Yes. If I feel bad enough."
"No, you will do it because I say so."
Mike glared at him. "Fine." He didn't want to stay home alone and if this was the best he would get, he would take it.
"Good." Harvey said. "Eat your food."
They watched a movie after dinner. Or Mike watched it while Harvey was sitting on the couch next to him, working.
Mike was aware of the situation at work he was putting Harvey in. He knew that Harvey had to work, but he also knew that Harvey wanted to be there for him, and he couldn't be at two places at once. But he did try the best he could, bringing his work with him both home and to the hospital. He would give a few files to Mike to let him work on as well, although Mike suspected it was just for his sake. For him to feel like was still able to do something. He appreciated that, but the truth was that he never got that much done. He had trouble to keep his focus and all the reading usually gave him a headache. Once he fell asleep while proofing something, and Harvey woke him up when he had try to pry the file from Mike's grasp.
After all he really couldn't do so much about it all. Harvey had told him that too. It wasn't his fault. They were both doing the best they could of a crappy situation.
When the movie was over Harvey got up from the couch and turned the TV off and then turned to Mike.
"Okay, if I'm taking you to work with me tomorrow, you are going to bed now. I can't have you all cranky and whiny tomorrow. I have a meeting and I was going to let you participate."
"Really?" Mike exclaimed excitedly. But then stopped himself. "I don't get cranky, and I don't whine." He protested.
"No, you don't, if you get enough sleep. Now go."
Mike didn't really argue much, just a little. It was a reflex.
He wasn't able to fall asleep though. First of all he couldn't really find a comfortable position. He had to stay on his back, otherwise it was too painful. And then second of all was that he felt sad and alone as usual. Every night! No exceptions. It was really awful and it made him angry at himself. He knew that everything was okay, but his brain didn't really get the memo. He was just lying there staring up into the ceiling. Trying desperately to stop his thoughts, trying to think of nothing. It didn't work and he was lying there awake for hours. His chest was itching on top of everything. He kind of wished that he could go to Harvey. He felt like crying. He had thought it would feel a lot better now when he was back at Harvey's place, but it didn't. Only a little. He was rather here than at the hospital that was for sure.
He probably got about four or five hours of sleep, and felt like he had sand in his eyes when Harvey came to wake him up. His chest was itching and hurting worse than before and he just wanted to go back to sleep. But he couldn't do that, not now when Harvey expected him to come with him to work. He forced himself to sit up and winced as he pulled at the edges of the bandages. He didn't bother to change clothes and went in his sleepwear to the kitchen. Harvey raised an eyebrow at this, but Mike ignored him.
"You want tea?" Harvey asked. At Mike's nod he turned on the water boiler and then proceeded to take out the medication. By now Harvey knew which ones he needed to take when. During breakfast Harvey disapprovingly looked at his clothes.
"Are you wearing that to work?" He asked when they were finished.
"Eh no…"
"Then go change."
Mike squirmed on his chair. This was embarrassing.
"I need to change the bandages."
"Oh yeah, shit. I forgot about that." Harvey started to take of his suit jacket again. "Okay, let's just get it over with. Get the stuff."
Mike did and then awkwardly laid down on the couch after carefully removing his shirt. He looked down on his chest and saw the skin he could see was red-looking. This was going to suck.
Harvey sat down on the table and moved as close to the couch and Mike as he could.
"Alright. Let's do this then. I think I remember everything." He put on a pair of plastic gloves and reached for the bowl with water and a washing cloth that Mike had brought.
"I remember, if you don't." Mike offered. He felt really uncomfortable and exposed lying there without a shirt in front of Harvey. He couldn't stop himself from moving a tiny bit further away. But Harvey seemed to sense his unease.
"Hey. It's okay Mike." He told him. "We will just get this done as quickly as possible and then we'll head to the office. This is no big deal."
"Yeah… okay. It's just that..."
"What?"
"I'm sorry, okay. Harvey I know you don't want to do this..."
"Mike, let me stop you right there. This is something that needs to be done."
"Yeah, but still…" He didn't get further before Harvey interrupted him.
"Would you do it for me? If the rolls were reversed?"
"Yeah…Harvey of course I would, it is just that…"
"That what? I'm doing this for you now. That is all we need to say about it." Harvey seemed almost angry.
"Okay."
"Good." With that Harvey picked up the wash cloth, wringed the water out of it and put it on top of the edge of the first dressing. It hurt a lot and Mike hissed and immediately tried to squirm away.
"Ow! Don't press so hard!"
"Yeah okay."
"You have to have more water. You have to soak it, it is easier to get it off then." Mike instructed Harvey who did what he was told without saying anything. The water had gone cold already and the abundance of water ran down his chest. He suspected that Harvey was trying to be gently, but he was far from it. Every rub hurt like hell. It did not bode well, since he basically hadn't touched anything yet.
He watched as Harvey dipped the cloth in the bowl of water and brought it to his chest again. He dabbed a bit looser this time. It still hurt, but he tried to not show it so much. One patch of his chest was especially sore, and he couldn't stop himself from wincing when Harvey brought the cloth over it.
"Sorry, kid."
Mike looked up at him. Harvey was totally focused on the task he had at hand, and didn't noticed that he was watching him. He wrinkled his forehead as he worked.
"Okay!" He exclaimed a few moments later. "That's done. They are soaked."
That was true. The couch underneath Mike felt a bit wet from the excess water that had been dripping down his sides. He didn't say anything about that to Harvey though, he would probably want him to move then. You know how much I paid you this? He would say.
"Alright." Harvey were saying now. "I guess the next step is to get this off you." He hesitated a bit, his hands hovering above Mike's chest.
"Yeah..."
Harvey's hand moved in on one of the dressings. "Just be careful, okay?" Mike added worriedly.
"Of course. No problem." Harvey said.
The thing though was, that it was a problem. A big problem according to Mike. As soon as Harvey managed to remove the first stripes of tape that were securing the dressings to his chest, it hurt like hell. He couldn't stop himself from moving away, causing Harvey to lose his grip.
"Damn it Mike!" He exclaimed without hesitation. "Don't move."
He chose to not answer, as he carefully moved back to his previous position. Harvey started again. It was terrible. It felt like his skin was being ripped slowly from his body. He had to grind his teeth hard together to not whimper. Harvey was not really going quickly either. He was taking his time, slowly trying to peel off the tape. It was excruciating. He was starting to breathe more heavily in an effort to contain the hurt.
"Mike, come on! Stop squirming around. You are making this harder than it already is!"
"Oh! Well, I'm sorry for all the breathing I'm doing!" Mike said angrily. "It hurts!"
"Yeah yeah…"
Harvey continued as Mike made an effort to stay as still has he could. He tried to focus on something else other than the searing pain on his chest, but it was easier said than done. He tried to distract himself by thinking about something else, but he couldn't really come up with anything. It had not hurt this much at the hospital! But then he had been doped up on painkillers. Now he had only been taking his usual stuff. Maybe he should ask Harvey to get him some extra painkillers.
"Seriously Mike, you have to stop moving so much." Harvey ordered him, and he wanted to tell him some well-chosen words. He was going so slowly! He hadn't even gotten one of the bandages off him. Mike didn't know for how long he was going to be able to do this. Harvey pulled a bit harder.
"It hurts!" He clenched his jaw. Hell, it was hurting! He couldn't stop himself and brought his hands up to push Harvey's away. "Stop it."
"Mike, come on. I'm not finished by a long shot." Harvey swatted his hands away, and gripped the edge of the bandages again. "It is just a little bit more, then I'll have this off you." He proceeded with pulling it all off him. It felt like a big piece of him followed and he let out a moan.
"Sorry." Harvey said. Apparently he first now realized the state Mike was in. "It's just a few more left now." He said, and glanced down at Mike. "You good?"
Mike let out a deep breath. No, he was not good. But now Harvey was looking at him with pity in his eyes. Like he was some little kid that came crying to his mummy after falling of his bike. God, where did he get that from? Suddenly he wished his mum was there. He remembered that he indeed had been falling off his bike once and had gone crying to his mum. He briefly wondered what she would have done, if she was here instead of Harvey.
"Mike!"
Right. Harvey was still waiting for an answer. "Yeah I'm good," He rasped. "You can continue."
He regretted saying that the moment Harvey started in on the next bandage. This was not going to end well, as he suppressed another moan and brought up his hand to his face. He could feel his eyes start to water. His chest was burning so bad.
– SUITS –
It turned out that it was hard work to get the bandages off of Mike. They were really stuck to his skin. First of all it was hard to get a good grip that he needed to be able to pull it off. And he couldn't just pull them off, because it was like they were glued to Mike's skin. The worst thing though was how much it seemed to hurt Mike. The kid twitched and squirmed on the couch, probably unconsciously. Mike couldn't help it he now realized. He felt kind of bad for snapping at him earlier for not staying still, but it was obvious to him now that he was in a lot of pain. Mike hadn't said anything else or tried again to swat his hands away. He was hiding his face in his hands.
He managed to remove a second bandage a bit faster than the first one. It took a bit longer with the third one, but it was also bigger. The skin underneath was looking particularly bad.
Harvey stopped for a moment and looked up at Mike and studied him. He hadn't really paid that much attention to the kid, since he had been so focused on the task he had at hand. Mike's face had a reddish color with flushed cheeks and traces of tears drops stuck in his eyelashes. There was blood in the corner of his mouth and Harvey shockingly realized that he had bitten his lips hard enough to draw blood. Mike was panting and sometimes he would let out a sound that sounded close to whimpers, his fist clenched hard next to his body.
"You need a break?" Harvey asked kindly. Mike just nodded and closed his eyes.
"Right. I'll just…" but he didn't know what to do to comfort him. He sat there next to the kid and just waited for a while.
"Is it something that I can do Mike?" He asked after a while.
Mike opened his eyes and glanced at him. "Is it finished?" He asked making Harvey sigh.
"No, not yet kid."
"Ooh…" Mike moaned. He shakily wiped his face with one hand. He lifted his head and looked at his chest. "It really hurts Harvey." He whispered.
"Yeah, I know." Harvey said. "What do you say we just finish now and get it over with?"
Mike drew a deep breath and nodded. He closed his eyes and seemed to brace himself.
It took Harvey about ten minutes to remove the rest of the bandages, and then apply the cream to the skin. The applying of new bandages was also not a pleasant experience, and Mike apparently really wanted him to be finished by now, and complained that he was too slow. Harvey let the comments the kid made slide.
"Ow! Don't press so hard Harvey!"
"I have to or it won't hold Mike."
Then finally he was finished. Mike was panting, his whole body shaking. He had his hands pressed over his eyes and was biting his lip again.
"It's finished Mike." Harvey said. "It's over, okay."
Mike didn't react. "You okay?" Harvey asked, even though he knew the answer to that question. He reached out and put a hand on Mike's shoulder, only to have him flinch away.
"Don't." He whispered.
"Yeah, okay. Why don't you rest for a while then?" He got no answer so he stood up and went to put the things away. He sat down by the table where he still could see Mike, who hadn't moved an inch. Actually Harvey felt a bit shaky himself now when it was over. His hands was shaking a bit. He really felt like a drink would do him good at the moment. But it was too early in the day for that. It looked like they would be late for work today. He wasn't even sure if he could bring Mike with him today.
"Harvey?" Mike's weak voice interrupted his thoughts. He immediately got up and went over to him.
"Yeah, what's up?"
Mike didn't change his position at all, still breathing erratically.
"Can I… Can you give me some painkillers?" he asked. "Please."
"Sure." Harvey cursed inwardly for not thinking of that himself. He went to the kitchen, got some pills and a glass water and some paper towels. He went back to Mike and took up his previous spot on the table. He took the pills and waited for Mike to take them.
"Hey, I have them here."
Mike removed his hands from his face and looked up at Harvey with teary eyes. He took the pills and shoved them in his mouth and let Harvey help him to drink some water. He fell back down and closed his eyes again. Harvey didn't say anything, just poured some water on a paper towel and used it to wipe Mikes face. Mike flinched a bit at first, but then just let him do it. Harvey carefully wiped the blood away from the kid's lip.
"Get some rest Mike." He told him.
"Okay…"
Harvey was pretty sure that Mike fell asleep after a while. He didn't say anything else at least. Harvey just let him be, but he found himself keeping close by just in case the kid needed him. He busied himself with calling Donna and checking his e-mails.
Mike woke up with a jerk an hour or so later. He groaned out loud as he sat up. He swore a bit and inspected his chest.
"You good?" Harvey asked.
"Well, it doesn't feel like my chest is on fire any more, if that's what you're asking."
"I will take that as a yes then."
"Yeah, sure." Mike shakily stood up and Harvey restrained himself from going over there and help him. The kid slowly walked out of the room. He came back twenty minutes later dressed in a suit.
"Are you sure you are up to going to work? I don't think that's such a good idea."
Mike just glared at him and passed him on his way to the door. Harvey just rolled his eyes and got his things.
"Are you coming or what?"
"I guess he's up to it." Harvey muttered to himself.
They went to work in a cab, the trip was made in silence. Mike apparently didn't want to talk, and Harvey just decided to leave him alone.
They walked slowly together towards Harvey's office. As soon as Donna saw them she stood up to meet them. She walked around her desk and went up to Mike, ignoring Harvey.
"Hi sweetie, how are you doing?" she asked him as she put her hand on his shoulder. "I heard you had a rough morning." Mike glared at Harvey at first but then turned his whole attention to Donna. Harvey shrugged his shoulders at him and went into his office. He sat down and watched the exchange between the two people outside.
He couldn't hear what they were saying since Donna kept her voice low, as did Mike. He saw that Donna was asking the kid something, and it didn't take long until Mike's body started to shake. Donna noticed right away and steered him behind her desk and let him sit down on her chair. Mike hid his face in his hands and Donna was sitting in front of him on her desk, and brought him towards her as she stroke his shaking back. Harvey sighed. Donna looked up at him right then, she looked like she was close to tears as well, and Harvey nodded towards her. The poor kid. But it was good that he felt okay with letting it out with Donna. He just wished he knew how to make Mike feel like it was okay to do it with him as well.
– SUITS –
Mike knew as soon as he saw Donna that he was going to lose it. The car ride into the office had been tense, with Harvey that kept glancing at him from his side of the car. They hadn't talked either. He didn't know why he was acting like this with Harvey. He knew he was acting like an idiot. He wasn't really mad at Harvey, he just didn't know what else to do. It had been really humiliating the whole changing the bandages thing. He hadn't been able to keep his cool. It hurt so much that he hadn't know what to do with himself. He had managed to not totally lose it at least. That was always something. But now it felt like his chest was once again on fire. The seatbelt in the cab had been agonizing, even though he had acted like it wasn't a big deal. He didn't think that Harvey had noticed.
Then when he saw Donna coming against him with her arms outstretched towards him he knew that the battle against his emotions he had fought all morning was going to be lost. And he kind of didn't care at that point.
Donna asked him again if he was okay, and he just told her the truth, how much it was hurting and how much he just wanted it to stop. He felt himself starting to shake then, and it was too much effort to stop it. She let him sit down on her chair and then she just hugged him carefully and whispered nice things in his ear. He just let it out. He didn't care that they were in the middle of the office and that people could see them. So what?
– SUITS –
I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you think, or if you have any ideas about what the story can be about :)